Chap 5: Diagon Alley, Tonks, Godric's Hollow, and back to Little Whinging.

Harry woke at 7:00 AM on the morning of July 2nd, as the countdown to his sixteenth birthday began. After showering and shaving, he had a quick breakfast, and when he was about to leave for the day, he noticed a small and cheaply printed catalog laying on the side table between Petunia and Vernon's recliners, which he picked up, and thumbed through.

All through the small catalog were cheap household items, really useless until he had made his way to the last few pages, where he found the "home massage" items for sale. He had to take two looks at what he just noticed, and he blinked a few times at the phallic-shaped and battery-powered "personal massagers." Here, a sly smirk crept upon his face just as his Aunt Petunia walked into the sitting room.

"Where are you going this morning, Harry?" Petunia asked, as she took her seat, and turned on the telly.

"Oh, uh, Diagon Alley, Aunt Petunia," Harry replied. "Hey, would you care if I borrowed this catalog for the day? I have some friends that own a shop, and they might be able to obtain some ideas from the products they have listed?"

"Oh, yes, just take it," Petunia replied with a flip of her hand. "They send those here about every two weeks, and it's all cheap household stuff made in China."

"China, you say?" Harry inquired.

"Yes," Petunia said with a snort, "everything that I've bought from them has been made there. You can't buy British-made goods anymore," she said with a sniff, "unless they cost a bloody fortune!"

"Thanks, Aunt Petunia, as you just contributed to the war effort!"

Before she could reply, Harry had already left the sitting room and was out the front door in a flash.

Next, Harry quickly made his way to the end of Privet Drive to the roundabout and summoned the Knight Bus with his wand.

When Harry entered the Leaky Cauldron, he said his hello to Tom and quickly made his way out to the back courtyard, where he tapped the correct bricks with his wand causing the archway to open for Diagon Alley.

It was still early, yet, but he nodded at the few witches and wizards that he passed as he made his way to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes at No. 93. When he walked inside the new store, Fred and George were stocking the shelves.

"Oi, you lot," Harry exclaimed, "it's time for business!"

"Why, if it isn't ickle Harrykins, our secret investor," Fred said, as he stepped off the rolling ladder by the high shelves.

"Why, yes, it is, dear brother," George replied, "and he looks like he has somethin' important tumblin' around in that noggin full of dust motes of his."

"I'll have you know I resent that," Harry retorted, and then looked around to make sure that they were alone. "We need to talk about some new products, and they are important. Are we alone?"

The two red-headed brothers looked at each other, and a serious look came over both, which was a rare occurrence, but they both gave a nod.

"What do you need, Harry?" George said.

"And, how can we help?" Fred continued. "Time is money, you know!"

Here, Harry walked behind the counter, and took up George's stool, which caused George to issue a shout of "Oi!" Harry ignored him and laid the catalog down on the counter.

"First, and this is highly confidential," Harry explained, "I need a supplier of newspaper boxes; about seven of them. These are for a free newspaper, but they need to be protected from all spell damage, and be unmovable. Also, they need to work like the tables do in the Great Hall at Hogwarts, where food is transferred from the matching tables in the kitchen to the hall. This would require matching boxes, where the papers would be loaded elsewhere, and they appear in the public boxes that are sat about along the Alley and in Hogsmeade. Think you could come up with that, and, by the way, money is no object for this."

This left the two Weasley brothers gaping at Harry. Finally, George cleared his throat. "We probably can, but how quickly do you need them?"

"Like, yesterday," Harry stated, "and this is highly confidential, top secret, and a state secret, mind you, with very few wizards knowing about it, which means not uttering a word of this to anybody, including the family. Got it?"

"What have you gotten yourself into, Harry?" Fred asked, but it was with a wide grin.

"A ministry project is all I'll say," Harry deadpanned.

"Cor! This sounds like fun, Fred," George said.

"Why, yes, it does, my dear brother," Fred answered. "Now, what's with the magazine?"

"This is no magazine, gentlemen, but a cheap mail order catalog," Harry explained, as he picked it up and opened it, "and a ticket to the success of the said paper. It will help fund the, er, operation."

"'Operation,' is it?" Fred snorted, and George grinned.

Harry only nodded while he turned to the back of the catalog, laid it down, and pointed out an item with his index finger, which Fred and George took a gander at.

Both Weasleys' eyes widened, where they jerked back away from the catalog as if they were scalded, and then blushed a deep red to their roots. Harry thought that both of them looked like two tomatoes on a stick, what with their bright yellow suits, today.

"Harry, that's a..." George started.

"Do you know what this is, little Harrykins?" Fred asked.

"Of course I do, you morons," Harry scoffed. "I just want to know if their batteries will work in the wizarding world."

It took a moment for either brother to answer.

"Well," Fred said, "it's according to if they're any muggle, ek..., ec..., er, eklectromics in them."

"Electronics, you mean?" Harry asked.

At both's nods, Harry replied, "No, just a small motor with a counterweight that's spun on its shaft, and a switch at the end. The outside is just a 'waterproof' plastic shell, and a few batteries go inside."

"We can't sell those out in the open, here, Harry!" George exclaimed.

"Yea! It would cause a scandal!" Fred said. "Though we're not above causing a scandal, mind you, but mum would kill us!"

"She would skin us both, Harry," George explained, "and you, too, if she ever found out!"

"Well," Harry said, "that's the beauty of my plan! You won't sell them here, only by mail order, and from a mail drop listed in the new paper's ads at that.

"I think we can even offer these with a jar of lube, and charge more."

This had both Weasleys blushing again. "Harry!"

"What?" Harry questioned. "It's only a little jar of mineral oil, with maybe a shot of rose scent added in? You know, to douse the tip in."

Both brothers started spluttering at this, but Harry soldiered on.

"We might even run an ad for some women's négligé under a different brand name," Harry remarked. "Oh, I didn't mention it, but all these items will be split up under different fake business names, like Mrs. Merriweather's Home Massage, etcetera. The oil, well, we'll private label that.

"Lastly," Harry finished with a smirk, "every item sold will be recorded in a private ledger, which will state who bought what, even though the ads might mention that all sales are private, and are owled out in a plain brown paper wrapper.

"By the way, you can keep this catalog since Aunt Petunia doesn't want it."

Now, both Weasley brothers were looking at Harry with bulging eyes, but they also had pictures of stacks of galleons floating in their heads.

"Oh, yes, before I forget it," Harry said as he stood to leave, "you might want to contact Cho Chang or Sue Li, and ask if they import anything from China. That is where this stuff is made, and we can buy it from them on the cheap by the case lots."

Harry left the WWW with a spring in his step and was making his way back toward the Leaky Cauldron when he spotted Tonks making her way through the now-growing crowd.

"Oi! Tonks!" Harry loudly said, before making his way toward the witch who noticed him.

"Harry!" Tonks said, who immediately took him by the shoulder, and dragged him over to a semi-private area. "What are you doing here by yourself?"

Harry snorted at this and gave her a scowl. "I am a grown wizard now, or did you not catch that bit of news?"

"But Dumbledore..."

Here, Harry cut her off. "Quite frankly, I don't give two feks about what the old man thinks. I'm here on business; official business one could say."

"Official business?" Tonks inquired with narrowed eyes.

"Yes," Harry said, "and here, in the alley, is not the place to discuss it, but you and I still need to do just that."

"All right," Tonks said as she looked about at her surroundings, blushed, and her pink hair switched from bright pink to purple. "Follow me, and we'll head over to Carkitt Market and head to The Hopping Pot pub."

She let go of Harry, who followed her back toward Gringotts, where they made a right down a wide alley, and appeared under the glass canopy of Carkitt Market proper, which was a Victorian wrought iron arcade similar to those seen around London, such as Leadenhall Market. The shop facades, along with the wrought and cast iron construction, were Victorian facades painted over in a bright color scheme, which had been mentioned in History of Magic.

However, when she strolled up to The Hopping Pot pub, the old wooden building looked ready to tumble down, which made Harry scowl. It was at the end of the market, and not under the glass. Worse, it was beside the clanging hammers of Bowman E. Wright Blacksmith.

"Really, Tonks, here?" Harry asked. "This looks like someplace that Mundungus would hang out."

"Well," she said, "he does on occasion! Now, what will it be, a pint of Butterbeer?"

Here, Harry scowled, again. "I'll have a pint of stout, thanks."

"A pint of stout," she said while throwing up her hands. "Let them come of age, and that's the first thing wizards think of!"

Harry took a table and waited on the young auror, who took a minute to order and obtain their drinks. When she sat down, Harry gulped down a huge mouthful of his stout before looking at what Tonks was drinking.

"What in the name of Merlin's saggy bollocks is that stuff?"

Tonks sat her glass down and stuck her tongue out at Harry. An extra-long tongue.

"This, Harry, is Tongue Tying Lemon Squash," she explained.

"Uh huh," Harry replied with his right eyebrow raised, "and just what was poured out of that tall clear bottle into it?"

"Boy, don't you have an eye for details," Tonks snorted. "Just a shot of gin is all!"

"Drinking on the job, Auror Tonks," Harry replied with a smirk, "my, my!"

"Oh, shove it, you! Now," Tonks asked, "what did you wish to discuss?"

Before Harry said anything, he withdrew his wand, and cast, "Muffliato." This made Tonks sit up at attention.

"First," Harry said, and then took another drink of his stout, "I placed the ten thousand galleons from Sirius' Will into your parents' account, yesterday, so they should have it today."

Here, Tonks let her shoulders slouch with a sigh. "Thanks, Harry."

"Don't mention it," Harry said. "Second, I need to speak with you about helping with a rather clandestine project that the minister and I have planned, and nobody from the Order, including Dumbledore, is to know about it."

"And just what would this be?" Tonks said as she scrutinized Harry.

"I need someone with your metamorphmagus skills as a model," Harry explained.

"WHAT!"

Here, Harry only smirked. "You heard."

"Model, how?"

"Well, I need someone to model as an elderly woman in different poses, such as being shocked, appalled, horrified, indignant, scandalized, and a few other expressions, which are to be photographed. Also, from time to time, you'll play the role of a victim in these photos."

"VICTIM!" Tonks shouted, but then looked around them to make sure that nobody overheard them. "What are you getting at, here, Harry?"

"My dear," Harry said, mocking Dumbledore, "I am about to start the largest smear campaign against the Death Eaters, and You-Know-Who, that our world has ever seen, and the minister has already given the plan a green light."

"YOU'RE...," Tonks shouted again, but caught herself, "you're what?"

"You heard quite correctly the first time," Harry said with a serious expression, which was the most serious one that Tonks had ever seen on the young man. "Also, Tonks, this is a state secret, so don't go blabbing. I intend on ruining these people via the help of a new gossip rag, soon to come, which will be given out free, of course. It will make accusations that may or may not be true, but it will be scandalous to the extreme. We're going to wreck You-Know-Who first, by outing him, and then I'm going to wreck your dear old uncle, Lucius. They'll be the first of many!

"Why, could you imagine an article with a photograph showing Bellatrix sitting on Tom's lap, with her dress undone, and her tits exposed, while ol' Tom nursed on them? This would be a front-page photo, of course, along with an article stating that it was taken by an anonymous security and investigation firm from the states, which had been investigating this lot for the past three years?"

This left the young auror staring at Harry, with her mouth moving, but nothing was being said, before she snapped it shut. Next, though, she gave him a huge Cheshire Cat grin.

"Where will you start this paper," Tonks inquired, "as surely you can't pull that off here in the alley?"

"Oh, no, it won't be here," Harry explained, "it'll be hidden away in the muggle world. I'm looking for a place to rent, now.

"Also, I need you to look into who might be the biggest gossip queens out there, preferably elderly, who knows many many scandalous details about the past, and last, my dear auror, we need to pick a day to bring Skeeter into the ministry."

"Skeeter," Tonks said with a gawk, "you mean Rita Skeeter?"

"Why, yes, my dear," Harry replied, "as she is an illegal animagus, you know."

"You want her locked up?" Tonks asked in surprise.

"Of course not, Tonks! We'll cut her a deal that she can't refuse if Azkaban is staring her in the face. Use that noggin of yours! Who do you think will pick up that yellow pen to write the stories, which will be under a pseudonym, of course."

Here, Tonks almost downed her entire drink. "Harry, Harry, Harry," the young auror remarked, "why weren't you sorted into Slytherin?"

"Well, about that, you see..."

Harry had just had Dobby to apparate him to Godric's Hollow, which was known as Lacock Village to the muggles, where he began to look around for a place to eat lunch and ask if there were any empty shops to rent.

Finally, he strolled up to the King Johns Hunting Lodge, where he entered to dine, which was close to St Cyriac's Church. The church was known to wizardkind as St. Jerome's.

After he dined, and after looking for a place to rent, as well as visiting his parents' resting place and his old home, he might even stop by to visit Mrs. Bagshot, he thought, and see how she was getting along in her old age before calling Dobby to apparate him back to Little Whinging.

That night, and while back at No. 4, Harry lie back in his bed, and continued to read the SOE Syllabus. He was going to have to find someone to teach him Judo and Jujitsu, by the looks of it, and to apparate, too, he thought. His days were becoming more complicated by each day, he also thought.

Finally, his eyes became so heavy that he couldn't read another word, so he doused the small table lamp beside his bed, pulled up the covers, and fell asleep.

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