Senri as a kit had to be the absolute cutest thing in existence, which was a certainty G'raha arrived at after spending a few bells in the boy's company.
While Ares apparently took his sweet time to consider everything that happened – or so he assumed, anyway – he spent the afternoon entertaining the ten-year-old version of his lover. Despite painfully missing his adult version, he was more than enamored with his child-like incarnation, too. Senri was simply the sweetness incarnate, and even like this, he could recognize the… roots of his humor and attitude. He was shyer and more uncertain, obviously. Still, he did more than once catch a hint of his lover's personality peeking through while he 'explored' the contents of the nap room with the apparently easily excitable boy.
Senri was grinning near constantly his utterly adorable, goofy grins at him, asking for an explanation of what each item served. If he spotted something he would label 'cute' or shiny enough, he would nearly bounce, waving his black tail excitably… and that was dealing an inhumane amount of damage to G'raha's heart.
I admit… I'm almost jealous, Raha, Damon chuckled fondly when the boy seemed to exhaust his energy finally. When he started yawning and rubbing his eyes, G'raha carefully made the best nest he could manage for the boy atop the bed. Senri, in his child-like form, was simply tiny, so it wasn't that hard, but though he looked as enthusiastic about it, he insisted to rest half out of his creation, curling into his lap. G'raha sat against the wall behind the bed with an enamored grin running his fingers delicately through the boy's black hair when he dozed off, purring quietly. He is heartbreakingly adorable like this.
He is, he agreed easily, then sighed softly while watching the boy's relaxed expression. Though the distinctive for this age – he guessed – baby-roundness somewhat yet hid the promise of Senri's beauty, only knowing it, he could easily spot the hints… And while having a glimpse of his memory before, a huge part of his heart ached at the idea of how much heartbreak and misery his lover had to go through simply because of how he looked like. Was this why the beast… Esteem did this to him? Was it trying to redress the unfairness of Senri's childhood…? But the more he thought about it… less sense it made. Even if they wouldn't find him, history was bound to repeat itself. But if it warded Damon from being able to revert what it did… clearly it intended him to stay like this. But why…?
He looked toward the room's door with a frown, then gently moved the sleeping boy deeper into the makeshift nest, wrapping one of the blankets around him. Senri grumbled petulantly, shifting momentarily, then rumbled on another adorable purr and fell asleep again. G'raha smiled at that, then carefully got off the bed, striving not to jostle the kit awake with his movements.
Ah, you want to question his mother? Damon asked carefully, following his trail of thought.
Yes, but also get something to eat, he admitted, again making sure the boy was warmly cocooned before heading toward the dresser and its mirror. He grimaced at his reflection, seeing how pale and miserable he looked, but in the last few days, it was hardly a great concern on his list of priorities. While the Scions could have thought he spent last week moping in his bedroom, Damon (in his skin) was busy jumping all over the Source, trying to find his husband. Now at least it made a tad more sense why they – Hades and Hythlodaeus too – couldn't if Esteem apparently made sure he was not easy to find for their kind…
I'm – honestly – almost in awe with that, Raha, the immortal hummed with obvious reluctance. It really used Ares's gift to perfection, trying to hide him. It's not only the physical change… but there also seems to be something almost like an… shield, to put it plainly, in a thin layer around his skin that prevents any alteration in his form. If what I felt when trying to reverse it was right… It's quite ingenious, to be frank. Since the very base of Ares's gift works by twisting the aether to his will… this 'shield' feels like its raw form, churning and warping any aether directed at him – no matter its amount, he sighed while G'raha brushed and braided his hair, trying to make himself look as presentable as possible before facing his mate's mother. That's why I'm sure only Ares can reverse what's that… thing done to them, my boy. If we rebound our souls, he'll be able to recover his memories from me… I assume, anyway. And then you and Senri would be able to mate again, too, allowing him to get his memory back from you.
"And what about what Hades said?" he whispered at his reflection, then tossed a careful look toward the sleeping boy. "About their souls…?
I… don't know, the immortal admitted reluctantly. Like you thought, Raha, all of this is… strange. I don't think talking with T'rhasa would toss much light on whatever Esteem truly intended with this… stunt, but I guess it won't hurt to find out what they have been up to in the last few days. Not to mention you're right… I'm sorry, boy, I know I rode your… our body into exhaustion. We can definitely use some substance.
"I meant food for Senri when he wakes up," he admitted with a sheepish smile toward his reflection. "But I didn't – and still don't – mind, Damon. I could see you were as worried for him as I was for Senri. And hey… I got to see a few interesting places, too. After being stuck here all my life… and if not for circumstances… It was quite nice, honestly. Especially the New World…"
The silver lining, eh? Damon chuckled, and he smiled, tossing the last look toward Senri, then sighed and headed to the door. I'm sure when he's back to himself – and we're free to do so – Senri will love to show you places you only read about, Raha.
"'If' he's back and can forgive me," he breathed, opening and silently closing the door behind him, then heading toward the lobby, intending to ask in which room he could find T'rhasa and her tiny daughter.
Not if, but WHEN, his immortal corrected with power, but he could swear there was some apprehension to his tone, and he would lie if he didn't admit that made him nervous. But all of this was wholly uncharted territory for them all… so he couldn't blame Damon for at least trying to be optimistic and cheer him up, too. It didn't much help the knot of nerves in his gut whenever he thought that Senri – and Ares – would be stuck as they were… especially after his immortal explained the reasons behind their particular state and what was coming their way still. I shouldn't… but at this point…? Well, this whole timeline is already an utter mess.. so whatever, right?
G'raha almost smiled at his petulant tone, then gasped as the door leading to the lobby almost slammed in his face when someone apparently shoved them a second before he reached the door handle. He jumped back instinctively, barely avoiding them, and blinked at the offender.
"Ah, sorry!" Alisaie chuckled sheepishly. "Obviously, I had no idea you were behind them."
"It's quite all right," he assured with a strained smile. "Ah, you wouldn't happen to know in which room can I find Senri's mother?"
"I do, actually," she said with a grin, then passed him and motioned for him to follow as she headed back the way he came from. He did, joining her side with some apprehension. "How's Senri?" she asked, and he flinched, trying for a reassuring smile… and hoping it wasn't too fake.
"He's good," he replied smoothly because it wasn't too much of a lie: as he was perfectly fine… for a ten-year-old, that is. At least as far as he could tell. "He just nodded off, so I thought I use it to bring him some food, but before that, I want to ask his mother something," he added, knowing he was over-explaining… but he was more than aware that he always sucked at lying and could only hope she doesn't pick up on that. He could understand why their immortals didn't want anyone else learning of Senri's… affliction, as it was something impossible to explain without betraying their presence.
"Ah, okay," she agreed, tossing him an unreadable look when they passed the door of his bedroom, but her expression swiftly smoothed with a smile, and he relaxed. "Here," she pointed to the fourth door past his, then turned around and neared another on the other side of the corridor. "This is mine," she grinned at his look, then opened the door and saluted toward him funnily. "Good luck with his mom, G'raha. She's a badass, I can tell you that," she disappeared inside her room before he could ask what she meant.
He sighed, swallowed thickly and carefully smoothed down his clothes, exhaled deeply, then tapped his finger against the door, half-hoping she wasn't there… and flinched only slightly when in a mere minute, the door swung open, and he was met with T'rhasa's staggering beauty.
"Oh," she smiled so… Senri-like, his heart stuttered helplessly, and he could feel the blood drain from his face and his ears fall flat against his head. "…Raha?" she guessed, then unceremoniously caught his hand and pulled him inside the room, closing the door behind him with a snap. "Gods, but I was hoping to see you soon," she said, tugging him toward one of the chairs by the table in the middle of the room, then pushing him to sit on it. "How is my boy?" she asked, falling into the seat next to him and taking his hand in both of hers. A quick look around told him that, like her brother, the tiny blonde dozed off atop the bed, entangled in the sheets.
"He's… ah, asleep, too," he said, striving to relax and not pull his hand back. He did want to make the best impression possible – especially in those circumstances - but he was… completely nervous. He had no idea how to deal with parents in general… and though for whatever reason she seemed quite enthusiastic… he couldn't help feeling guilty as seven hells for all his insecurities caused to her son's well-being.
"Oh, but he's not…?" she trailed off, tilting her head curiously. "Why do you seem so… nervous, Raha?"
"I… well…" he choked, then exhaled slowly and turned his eyes away from her inquisitive, navy-blue gaze. "I'm sorry, miss. I admit… I never knew my mother or… wasn't introduced to any parents with… ah, anyone before Senri… so, as much as I don't want to disappoint you, it's more than a bit…" he frowned, looking for words to explain the painful knot in his gut.
"…unnerving?" she chuckled sheepishly and smiled with reassurance when his gaze shot to her with surprise. "It's fine, my boy," she added, delicately rubbing her hand against the top of his. "Obviously… I also never was in this sort of circumstance, and if it makes it any easier for you, know that I'm still very much learning of the customs ruling outside the camp," her smile turned somewhat wry, and her dark eyes sparked with humor… and Twelve preserve, he could definitely see Senri's beauty in her features… which had his heart downright melt. "I'm just… happy, Raha, that my boy has someone who so obviously cares about him… like I always hoped would be the case. Since the moment the midwife put him in my arms, I just knew he was special, my Senri," her proud, smug grin made his lips twitch despite his nerves. "Kept telling anyone who would listen… but they didn't believe, obviously," she sighed, then her expression fell, and her dark eyes turned much, much colder… "Until they saw it for themselves… and then I wished they didn't," she whispered, tightening her hands around his, though her eyes grew a distant look. "He's always been… cheery… and optimistic, I still don't know when his grins grew so… fake. I let myself believe that if he was smiling… he had to be fine…? But then, the night he left…" she trailed off, looking down at their hands. "…for the first time, it really… hit me, the look in his eyes, Raha. The helplessness and shame. And I let them put it in my beautiful boy's eyes… Because I was too much of a coward to do more. To take him from there the first time I heard one of his half-sisters tried…" she choked, and when she looked up with a tight jaw, the rage turned her eyes into the starless abyss. "I knew he was meant for more… and I let them taint the beauty of his soul… because I was too afraid to admit how badly I failed in protecting the wonder fate put in my care. And I must admit… when he showed up like this, my first thought was to keep him and pretend it was a second chance to… do better. But even if not for Ares… the more I thought about it, the more I saw… how much of a mistake that would be. Because not only I refused to entertain the idea that he didn't have someone who would miss him… but also, how could I protect him this time…? One look at his face and I could see it repeating… if I dared to keep him. No matter how watchful I would be… Senri's such a sweet, sensitive child that he rather let others hurt him and pretend he's okay than cause those he cares about any distress…" she sighed sadly, dropping her gaze again. He felt his fingers carefully tighten around hers, even as his throat squeezed so painfully he couldn't utter a sound. "So I hope… he can be f-fixed, and I would love to truly meet the man my son became, because all I've heard of the Warrior over the years… to think him my Senri… makes me incredibly proud… and so sad, at the same time. If I know now why he left the camp so early… and think some of what I earlier thought a mindless gossip could be true… It tears me apart inside to think how much my beautiful boy had to suffer…."
"…huh?" he frowned with confusion, trying to make sense of that statement. Then it hit him, and he gasped, growing utterly still and confused. Because if he guessed correctly at what 'gossip' she was hinting at… it didn't make sense.
Wait… what? Damon gasped, then… freaked out. No, that can't be right…? He… he trailed off, then almost growled. Of course… it can… Since you never met before Ishgard… oh, gods… WHY Ares wouldn't tell me…?
It's not… sure, he replied carefully, trying to keep a steady expression on his face. I remember all the… speculation back then, and… honestly, the people always loved to pair Senri with whomever they saw fit and all. It just stuck out because it was the only time that I remember rumors pairing him with another man… other than the members of the Scions, that is. And considering what happened… it was just tragic enough to get the mill of the rumors rolling. And you forget, when we met, he was so sure his preferences were unnatural, and he FELT inexperienced…
UNLESS he thought that… and felt like that because Esteem took it from him! Damon hissed with outrage at the possibility. And that's the… injustice it tried to rectify with this stunt… because that's the one thing that … could not happen again! Because Heurchefant is long dead… And if Senri was in love with him when he… oh, for fuck's sake… It would explain WHY it was so powerful, too! And why Ares didn't remove it as he said the moment he woke up… If that's what made him… break in this timeline – corrupting the Esteem – it had to be… so much worse than it would be if you met and he was too hung up on you to fall for anyone else. And without Ares there to cut it out as soon as it happened… it had LITERALLY years to consume his… darkness. His heartbreak.
What is it say that first time…? About being the only one to know Senri's heartbreak and loneliness…?
Feeling a cold shiver climb his back, G'raha stood up suddenly, clearly startling his lover's mother.
"Sorry… I have to check something," he stammered, freeing his hand and heading toward the door. "I hope we can speak more later, T'rhasa…."
"Did something happen?" she gasped, staring after him with confusion.
"No," he lied with a smile, downright escaping with a polite bow. Closing the door, he exhaled deeply, then tightened his jaw and marched toward his bedroom, opening the door and… froze, staring.
"He's fine, my ass…." Alisaie hissed at him, sitting on the edge of the bed next to the still-sleeping boy. "Anyone ever told you, G'raha, that you painfully suck at lying?"
He swallowed thickly, then closed the door behind him with a sigh. Then a thought struck him, and he blinked, carefully nearing the bed under her glare and expectantly raised eyebrows.
"I did hear that… but before you tear my head off… can I ask you something, Alisaie?" he whispered, tossing a nervous look toward Senri, but he seemed unaware.
"Only if, after that, you'll have a good explanation why he's a child," she narrowed her eyes in a warning, and he nodded agreeably, then sighed and carefully settled down on the edge of the bed, looking toward his mate's child-like form.
"Senri…" he started, then hesitated, fisting his hands in the material of his pants. "Do you, perhaps, know… Those rumors years ago, about him and Haurchefant…. Was there any truth to that…?"
And he had his answer instantly when she flinched as if slapped and paled impossibly, turning her eyes away from his.
"We don't talk about… that," she said quietly, and his heart fell into the pit of his stomach. "Alphinaud told me… but Senri never mentioned…"
"I… don't think he remembers," he said, and his throat tightened painfully as he looked at his lover. "I think… Esteem took that… memory from him to keep him… sane. Obviously, I don't know him as long as you do… but I think he couldn't… function after that if…."
Like in the first timeline, he never forgave you… his G'raha, I mean… when he tried to die for him… and he at least survived that stunt, Damon sighed softly, and G'raha flinched. Gods, what a mess…
Damon… if we do manage to get him… back… he asked carefully, raising his hand and delicately brushing his fingertips against Senri's cheek. …what then…? Without Esteem… he trailed off, closing his eyes and swallowing thickly. …can he function with that memory?
I… don't know, Raha, his immortal replied with a sigh. But considering that Ares didn't remove it immediately and even lied about that… I don't like what it suggests, I admit. I'm not even entirely certain now… if it was Esteem anymore and not something… else entirely.
…what? He hesitated, trying to understand his meaning.
Like I said… it had years to fester, swallowing Senri's pain… And again, I'm not sure… but what if, by this point, it was LITERALLY his soul…? The dark, hurt part of it… but still. And this ordeal was meant… to save the rest it had left of its 'pure' side…? And by this point that… good side was so tiny, it could fit only for a child…? Damon hummed with consideration, then sighed again. What it did to Ares… could be a side effect of that. Or intentional, I don't know. The way I see it… IF it's the correct guess, I mean, restoring his memory can have two possible outcomes, Raha. One, having you now, we can hope that Senri… survives. Two, it will restore Esteem – as his soul splits again with that… knowledge. Honestly… I think we should first focus on Ares, and when he's… back to himself, only then – with his input on that, and whatever that story is correct or not – start thinking about restoring Senri… so if something goes wrong, Ares can run damage control.
"I'm still waiting," Alisaie said, nudging his thigh and tearing him out of the distraction. G'raha blinked rapidly, turning his eyes toward her, then flushed and smiled sheepishly in apology.
"It's a very… complicated story," he said quietly, looking toward her with consideration.
"I'm all ears," she raised her eyebrows expectantly, putting one leg on top of the other.
Tossing one more look at his sleeping mate… he sighed with resignation, then again smiled sheepishly as he felt the familiar by now push, and Damon took over. He watched from the back of their shared head how her jaw dropped as she stared at his eyes with dumbfounded confusion.
"What… is this?" she finally gasped.
"Nice to meet you, Alisaie," his immortal chuckled at her expression, and she flinched visibly, then blinked rapidly, and her expression hardened noticeably.
"You're not… G'raha anymore, are you?" she said, but it was more of a statement than a question.
"Not quite," he agreed with a polite smile. "My name is Damon… and you know my kind as the Ascians if those you met… are mere shades of our people. Other than Lahabrea… but he was always not a very pleasant person, to begin with," he rubbed his hand against his chin, then sighed. "Like Raha said… it's quite a complicated story… and try to keep an open mind, please… I prefer to avoid unnecessary… misunderstandings," he raised his eyebrows toward her hands when they rolled into fists in her lap. She relaxed them with a visible effort, then exhaled slowly and frowned at him.
"And like I said… I'm listening," she repeated.
"As you wish," he smiled at her like a proud teacher' to an attentive student, and G'raha winced at the slight flinch that flashed through her expression. Apparently, she wasn't very amused by that. "Let me start by saying… One day, not so far from now… Senri was bound to travel back to our world before Hydealyn's strike sundered it… and meet me and my husband, Ares. Who, by the way, Senri is the seven times rejoined reincarnation of. And Hades… who's our son, but technically: Ares's younger brother. As it happened in the timeline that started it all… the original, let's call it… That T'senri, before doing that, killed Hades back in the First – and hearing that… we took offense and decided to change the future. That, I only know from recollection, as apparently, each time it happens, it spawns another timeline to follow. This one… I don't know how many were before it, but as each of my counterparts kept track of what they learned… there were quite a few between the original one and this one. But as it happens, it looks like toying with time has consequences, Alisaie, and sometime along the way… everything started to twist itself out of order. To give you an example, the version of Ares and me that we met, in Raha's and Senri's skin, when they arrived in… the past, apparently they were alive for thousands of years ahead of time. They'd had been born when the Allagan Empire still exited, and my host… ended up as its Emperor."
Wait… seriously? G'raha was startled, trying to wrap his head around… that. Him? An Emperor?
Mhmm, I admit, I liked that version of you very much, Damon chortled at him without letting their expression twitch. He was very confident and self-assured, and apparently, Hades ended up teaching him before their versions of us woke up… Well, he found some humor in helping you to become a man with a very… no-nonsense attitude. If he was utterly ADORABLE about Senri, who was born a slave but became his private guard very early on. He quite openly kept calling him his greatest treasure… which I found cute, I admit.
Stumped by that revelation, he kept mulling over that while Damon blew Alisaie's mind with his story.
While Senri was asleep, Ares listened in, trying to wrap his mind around all he was hearing from that… man who said he was his husband. And after Damon fell silent – after a long while – he felt even more confused than before.
"It's… insane," he heard the unfamiliar female gasp.
"That, it is, I admit," the man replied, sounding very matter-of-fact about it. "But considering alternative… That original timeline I mentioned at the beginning – none of my counterparts seemed to believe that it could have ended in any good way… Like I said, too, we don't know what is supposed to happen past the point when Senri – and, in most cases, Raha – is to travel back. And this timeline… was already messed up before we woke up – with them not meeting when they were supposed to, and it affecting the events… in a way we could not predict. After hearing from our predecessors, Ares had his brother compelled to forget… as he was supposed but left a loophole of it breaking if something happened and we weren't awake by the time Senri was supposed to be pulled across to the First. Since most of all, we had his – Hades's, I mean – safety on our minds, it seemed as the most logical safeguard. Now I see... we were very wrong. We did hear of Esteem… but it was a mere… mention of one of the previous timelines, where anyway Ares was awake at the time and dealt with it swiftly before it could cause too much damage. Here… as Raha mentioned, we have a reason to believe… it's much, much worse than it was there. And a week ago, when it took over and spirited them away… Well, as you can see, it used my husband's gift to turn them like this," the man sighed, shifted, and Ares felt a gentle brush of his hand over his host's hair, but he didn't move or open his eyes. "It broke the bond between us and warded their body against any … intervention, but I believe Ares can reverse it… when he's ready to do so. But since he doesn't remember or trust me… it might take a while, Alisaie, during which I would prefer to keep his and Senri's state… hidden. A few mortals would take well a fact of the Warrior of Light being… possessed, if you want to call it that, and considering they were born as our vessels… I don't believe they could survive any attempt of removing us. And though I know you have no reason to believe me… I can only swear that we mean this world no harm. All we ever wanted was to keep it – and Hades – safe and be together. We would be very content to share the bodies with Senri and Raha… and as soon as we can solve this… conundrum, we will resume our work to keep this star safe. Fandaniel and Zenos are… puny compared to what their ploy is fated to bring about."
"But… you don't want others to know about you…?" the female's voice asked while Damon hummed in agreement, running his fingers through his hair with such… gentleness, soon Ares's throat vibrated with an unfamiliar sensation. It wasn't unpleasant… but soothing.
"Not yet, at least. Especially not when Ares is like this…" the man chuckled. "I'm not… the best at making a good impression, Alisaie, since I tend to be somewhat… snobbish, as my husband calls it. He – like Senri – is much more skilled in that area – and honestly… He fits in this world of yours much more than ever in ours. Our people… scorned him for something he had no control over, always choosing to see him in the worst possible light. For his parents' choices, his temper, and his talent… they rejected him when all he ever wanted was to be free to be who he was… My Ares is a wonderful man, always was, making the world around him better… when not even trying. I believe Senri did inherit that trait from him… as he did his temper and sensitivity. His natural need to protect those he cares for… and here Senri is revered for that, while in our world he would be as scorned as my Ares."
"No offense… but that world of yours sounds like crap," the girl replied.
"It was!" Damon chuckled. "And insufferable boring, too. Whenever Ares wasn't around to liven things up… I wasn't going out of my mind with boredom. But now…" he trailed off, and that hand in his hair stilled. "…I can only hope he can trust me again and… choose to remember what we shared over millennia."
And at that… he couldn't help but open his eyes and look up, instantly meeting the gaze of mismatched irises.
"Ah… you're awake," Damon smiled at him, while the white-haired girl beside him flinched, then gasped as she looked back, and her eyes widened impossibly.
"Ares… I take it?" she finally murmured, but he ignored her, raising his hand to place it over the man's on his head.
"I don't know… how," he admitted, closing his eyes again. "I don't even… remember having a gift."
" I did guess that when Senri said how old you think you are, love," the man chuckled, returning to running his fingers through his hair. "It manifested when you were older than that… and still took a while for you to master, considering your misgivings about how it worked. But if you can trust me, Ares, I can lead you through the 'how'… when you are ready."
He peered through his lashes and focused, gasping quietly when the redhead's scarlet-crimson colors blazed in his vision. It was such a mesmerizing and beautiful thing… His throat tightened painfully as he clenched his hand around his, and his sight grew blurry. Even his parents' colors weren't as vibrant and fiery… and they were the very best he ever knew.
"I'll… ah…" the girl flustered in his peripheral vision, but he couldn't take his eyes off the vision of that man's soul, even when Damon looked away from him and toward her.
"If you don't mind, Alisaie, both of them could really use a proper meal… something from the Last Stand, perhaps?"
"Oh, sure! I can do that," she jumped off the bed and hastily headed toward the door. "I still have… plenty of questions, though… but yeah, I'll get us something… and all. Be back in a bit!" and she was gone, but he didn't care because Damon turned his gaze back to him and smiled. And his heart wanted to burst out of his chest at how his soul blazed even brighter and more vibrant than before.
"I… want to try…" he whispered, only half aware of how shaky his voice sounded.
"That's fair," the man agreed with a warm, reassuring smile. Ares shifted uncertainly, slowly sitting up on his knees next to him, then shakily wrapped his hands around Damon's jaw, staring into his mismatched eyes with mounting determination.
"Tell me… what I have to do…?" he said quietly, suddenly certain that that feeling he had since waking up days ago – that he missed something important… vital to his being – was knowing this man… and the flame of his soul.
"Gods… this is beyond awkward," his husband muttered petulantly, and Damon grinned at him, despite it all feeling like a massive weight fell off his chest. Still in a child-like form, but his sky-blue eyes missed the earlier uncertainty when he flopped back on the mattress with a funny pout on Senri's face and glared daggers at the ceiling… but most of all, the reassuring thrum of his soul at the back of his head, had Damon grin like a lovesick fool he ever was for his Azem, while he leaned in and tapped his hand over his chest.
"There, there, love… For one, you're just adorable like this," he gushed when Ares sent him a deadpan stare from his youthful face. "But before Alisaie is bound to return… What is your take on restoring Senri's memories the same way…?" he smiled wryly when his husband flinched, and his expression definitely turned more than a bit guilty.
"I intended to tell you, Damon," he sighed, crossing his arms behind his head. "Raha's listening?" he asked with a glance toward him, and when he nodded, Ares hummed, looking toward the ceiling again. "Eh… When I set to deal with Esteem… Well, it wasn't Esteem any longer. Baffling as it was… I set to explore Senri's – and… its – memories and stumbled upon the reason behind it. You see, without meeting and falling for Raha when he was supposed…."
"…he fell for Haurchefant instead?" he asked, and Ares sighed, then nodded without looking at him. "Ares… I can hardly be jealous about that, understand? Even Raha's fine with that, so stop being so cagey about it," he groused, pressing his finger against his husband's cheek.
"That's… not about that," Ares said, catching his hand and pressing it over his heart with a serious, somber expression on his face. "It's more… Gods, Damon if you could feel that pain… That's why Esteem was lashing out so… violently, love… It was constantly in so much pain… Adding more was terrifying it beyond reason, but it was so determined to keep Senri safe… it gorged itself on his heartbreak until he couldn't remember ever loving Haurchefant, and it – Esteem – basically became a massive part of his soul. So big… without it, you see the result," he waved his free hand toward his small form, and Damon grimaced involuntarily when Raha whimpered in the back of their shared head. "I couldn't remove it… so I caged it instead, hoping with time and care… they – both sides of him – can heal, but then…" he trailed off with a sigh.
"It got a jump on you?" he asked carefully.
"Partially," his husband muttered, resting his free arm over his eyes. "I didn't expect it would… overreact like that to that… memory and attack me to get its paws on my gift. I should be more vigilant, I know, but it seemed… content until then and…."
It trusted me, Raha whispered miserably, and Damon winced at his guilty tone. I told it I want all of Senri – it included – and then I… oh, gods…
"It still… overreacted," he said with power to them both. "Raha has more than a good reason to be insecure after living in this… pit of vipers so long, and having a moment of doubt does not warrant this sort of… retaliation. And like I tried to reason with it, he was doubtful of being good enough for Senri, not the other way around, anyway. If it stopped for a second to think…."
"Damon, it was incapable of… rationalizing," Ares said carefully, peering from under his arm toward him. "Not like you and me… It was a sentient manifestation of rage, in constant, agonizing anguish… I'm not trying to defend what it did," he added quietly when Damon opened his mouth to protest. "Gods my witnesses, I'm as pissed, love… but you can't think of it as a person because it wasn't one, to begin with. Its first and foremost instinct was to protect Senri… that's what corrupted it in the first place, and that's what it has been doing for all this time… in its twisted way."
"By attacking the Scions?" he asked with disbelief.
"If it killed them… they couldn't die sacrificing themselves for Senri," Ares whispered, and he wilted, sighing as he rubbed his hand over his forehead. "What Heurchefant did… it went against Senri's nature in a way… that's hard to describe, Damon. It literally… destroyed his soul. Esteem… did the only thing it could to protect what 'good' was left of it… so he could somewhat function and be whom he was supposed to be… But if you ask me what I think of restoring his memories without it… I don't know, honestly. If we attempt it, I can try to run a damage control… but I'm pretty sure I would have to sacrifice a massive portion of my soul to supply what Senri will miss without the Esteem, Damon, and I'm… kind of apprehensive about that. He's already only seven 'pieces' of me… Tip it over too hard, and I think there's a pretty good chance I would consume him."
"Become 'fully' reborn, you mean?" he said slowly, feeling something almost like a headache build up behind his eyes… and for him, that was not normal. He worked his jaw with frustration for a moment, then exhaled slowly and looked at his husband while pulling his hand back and folding both in his lap. "What do we do, then, Ares? He can't remain a child, and if we try to restore Esteem to… make up for what he's missing, it has proven… untrustworthy and volatile! It… what it did, I refuse to allow again," he snapped, feeling his tail whip against the mattress with agitation and growled, trying to get it to calm down. In distraction with it, he missed how Ares sat up, then wrapped his small form around his back, resting his chin on his shoulder. And feeling his warmth… he settled down, feeling the uncanny headache melt away. He relaxed some with a sigh, letting his head fall back against Ares's shoulder, and stared at the ceiling above them with unseeing eyes.
"I can hardly imagine how worried you were, love," Ares whispered, wrapping his too-short arms around his chest. As his warmth sank into his skin, he relaxed further, closing his eyes and, for a moment, simply letting himself enjoy it. "And I'm sorry for that, Damon. I know you tend to play down how strong you feel… because it's so 'illogical,'" his husband chuckled – which in his voice now sounded more like a cute giggle – at his indignant huff. "You do, my heart… And this whole situation is… so messed up, to begin with, that I more than understand your frustration."
"I still… don't get what went wrong with my spell," he admitted quietly. "All of this could be avoided if…."
"It's not your fault, Damon," Ares said with power, rubbing his chin against his shoulder. "Perhaps it's a stroke of bad luck… or fate… But you can hardly blame yourself for what happened before you woke up, right?"
"Right," he agreed without any real conviction behind that. "But again… what now? Stalemate? Either let Senri stay a child or bring back Esteem and risk it can… overreact again? I'm not joking, Azem, I refuse to let it anywhere near your soul or gift again."
Ares remained silent for a long moment, smoothing his hands over his sides soothingly. He chuckled suddenly somewhat funnily, and when Damon tilted his head to look at him through his lashes, his too-young face had a nary devious expression.
"And how about… meeting both halfway?" he said and smirked when Damon frowned with confusion. "Restoring it… but separate? What do you think, my brilliant husband?"
"…separate?" he scowled, then gasped as a sudden image bloomed inside his head. "You can't be… serious, Ares? How is that less dangerous?"
Huh? Raha hummed with obvious confusion, unable to access that part of Damon's consciousness – a part he shared only with Ares – and he sighed, replaying the image for the boy. Oh… That's kind of cool.
Cool…? He replied with indignation.
I mean… kind of? There was nearly an audible shrug in his voice. What do you want me to say… I love cats.
You're half-one, he scoffed.
True, the boy agreed with a snicker, and Damon exhaled with an exaggerated resignation.
"Raha's… amused by it," he drawled when Ares hummed with interest. "I still think that's a recipe for trouble, though."
A knock on the door had them both look toward it, and Ares pulled back from his back, but not before setting a tender kiss on his throat.
"Alisaie's back, I guess… so take your time considering it, love. I'm sure if anyone can make something like that… doable, it's you," he said, oh, so very seriously… and Damon tossed him a deadpan stare.
"Are you trying to bait me into it by appealing to my pride, Azem?" he asked indignantly.
"Me…? Never, love," his husband said innocently and fluttered his dark lashes… and with that face, it had Damon bite back a silly, lovesick grin at the sheer cuteness of his expression. "I just thought you'd like a challenge, Damon."
He is SO playing you, Raha chuckled.
Hush, mortal, he snickered back.
"I see," he said out loud, raising his eyebrows expectantly. "And if I were inclined to… consider that challenge of yours, Ares…?"
"Well… when I'm free to make our body proper size again, I will be sure to repay your… cooperation, love, in whatever form you wish," his husband inclined his head with a meaningful look as he wrapped his hand around his throat and winked.
Huh? And though confusion in Raha's voice was amusing enough… he chose not to mention – yet at least – what type of play they enjoyed when their hosts were out before. Or the fact that their new bodies made it even more… entertaining with their cat-like quirks. While Ares looked like this… even for him, it was disturbing, and out of the two of them, he definitely had the more creative ideas in bed. He briefly wondered if it was something his host inherited the tendency for… but chased the thought away, standing up and heading to open the door at the next knock. Damon, what was that supposed to mean? Raha asked suspiciously.
You didn't grow up to that yet, boy, he chortled when that had him hiss with indignation.
I'm twenty-nine!
Oh… he stopped briefly, turned and winked at Ares, then carefully editing the image to match Senri's correct age, shoved it at his host's mind. That's what he meant, he added innocently, grinning at the boy's downright deafening squeak of embarrassment.
Gods… but you are twisted, Raha murmured, backing off, and if he was in control of their body, Damon would bet he would be blushing for the next few bells at least.
And enjoying it, he laughed at his host internally, smoothing his expression with a polite smile as he pulled the door open and let in Alisaie, whose hands were busy with three brown bags.
"Let me help you with that," he offered in his usual soft-spoken manner, stifling any of the amusement he felt while Raha kept muttering profanities in the back of his head.
He was such a silly boy, his host… but he wasn't that surprised that he was really growing to like him.