A/N: Alright friends, this chapter is a bit of an emotional ride. There are a couple of trigger warnings, but I've put them at the end of the chapter because they have spoilers, so you can scroll down and read them if you have any concerns.
On a more positive note, I think you'll find this chapter quite cathartic. Many questions will be answered.
The first thing Saph became aware of was a weight pressing her down. She struggled against it for a moment, so weak, but quickly gave up. Her whole body was shaking and shivering. This was even worse than getting the chi sickness for the first time. Only once in her life had she felt so awful—when she was ten years old and came down with a terrible flu. It had kept her bedridden for a whole week.
"Shh, you're fine," a soothing voice said above her.
"N-Nani…?" But when Saph finally cracked her eyes open, the face of an unfamiliar woman filled her vision: Warm, brown eyes. Gray hair. A blue arrow.
"Here, drink this."
A hand slid beneath her head and lifted it up, then another put a ceramic cup to her lips. She didn't want to drink whatever was in it. Who was this strange person? Where was Koko?
As if that thought had summoned her, Koko appeared behind the woman's shoulder. "Drink it, Saph. It'll help."
With that reassurance, she gave in and let the thick, warm liquid flow into her mouth. It was revolting—somehow both bitter and sickeningly sweet—and she had to choke it down.
"What– What's…wrong with me?"
"We're not sure," the woman said. "But you're going to be okay, don't worry. You've already improved a lot."
Saph finally had the presence of mind to look around. The weight she felt was several layers of woolen blankets. Underneath her was a lumpy mattress, which was on a bed frame that sat in the corner of a small room. The walls were simple, crude wooden logs.
That was all she saw because whatever was in that drink made her eyelids droop, and she slipped away into sleep once again.
"...will work. Seems too risky to even test it."
"Yes, I agree. But we may not have a choice."
The soft voices pulled Saph out of sleep and she opened her eyes to find Koko and that older woman sitting at a small table on the other side of the room. She felt better than before—though drenched in sweat—and was able to push herself up to a sitting position.
"Welcome back," the woman said with a smile, looking over at her. "How are you feeling?"
Though Saph already knew what was going to happen, she tried to bend anyway. Unsuccessfully. "It's– It's just temporary, right?" she asked instead of answering. This felt…different than the other times. "My bending being gone?"
"Yes, don't worry. It'll come back when you leave."
Saph took another look at her. She appeared to be in her fifties, with straight gray hair that fell to her shoulders and sinuous blue lines on her arms. An air nomad master.
"This is the person who's been studying the chi sickness," Koko said. "Her name is Jinora."
Saph recognized the name from Gran's stories—a talented bender and spiritual master. Another hero come to life. But this woman wasn't intimidating at all; she had such a kind face.
"Are you feeling up to taking a walk with me?" Jinora asked as she got to her feet.
It had become such a habit for Saph to defer to Koko that she automatically looked to her for permission, and received a short nod in response to her unspoken question.
Jinora smirked and glanced at Koko. "You've trained her well."
Saph was sure that—for just a fraction of a second—the corner of Koko's mouth twitched in amusement. Or was it just her imagination? "Let's see if I can get out of bed, first…" She still felt quite weak, but a quick test with her feet on the floor proved her legs to be steady. More or less.
"Come with me," Jinora said with a soft smile, though there was a deep sadness in her eyes that no expression could mask.
The door of the small bedroom opened onto a larger room, where Shylo and Valen were lounging on the floor. Zenya was on a pile of blankets in the corner, sound asleep.
"Feeling better?" Shylo asked with a relieved grin. "You had us worried there when you passed out randomly."
"I'm fine." She glanced at Zenya. "Is she okay?"
"Yeah, don't worry," Valen said. "She was just tired. She's a little freaked out by…all of this and didn't sleep much last night. Been having nightmares."
"It's morning? Wait– What do you mean by 'all of this'?"
"Eh…" Shylo said with a shrug. "You'll see."
Jinora opened the front door as he spoke, and Saph stepped outside. A shudder rippled through her body, making the hair on her arms stand on end. She remembered now—remembered what she had caught a glimpse of before blacking out.
There was nothing. No ruins. It wasn't a city anymore. It was just a gigantic crater with dark purple-and-gold clouds swirling around inside of it. They reached nearly as high as the mountaintops, full of rumbling thunder and jagged cracks of lightning. The land around was barren and desolate. Jinora's little cabin was the only sign of civilization as far as the eye could see, situated on the edge of a gently-sloping hill.
They walked up, toward its crest. Saph tripped over her own sluggish feet several times, unable to stop craning her neck around to look at the ugly bruise-colored monstrosity in the valley below.
"I thought there'd be ruins," she muttered.
"In the other cities that were destroyed, there are," Jinora said. "But not here. There's a Spirit portal down there and it greatly magnified the explosion. Everything was vaporized. A mercy for the residents, really. They didn't feel anything."
Saph was beginning to understand. The second she'd been exposed to this place, when they emerged from the mountain, she had been struck with a sickness much like the chi plague. "This storm is the reason people are losing their bending, isn't it? That's why you're here studying it?"
"It's the portal, but yes. It was damaged by the explosion, and its energy was corrupted. Now there's an energy field around it that permanently disrupts the chi pathways in anyone who gets too close. What you call 'plague carriers' are actually more like 'anti-benders'. They—we, actually—carry a weakened version of that aura everywhere we go."
Saph froze, horrified by her words. "'We'? We've all become anti-benders by coming here?! I thought you said before that my bending would come back?!"
Jinora stopped walking and gave her an apologetic look. "Yes, it will. I'm sorry, I phrased that badly. I meant 'we' as in myself and the others like me. You'd need to get closer to the portal to lose your bending permanently. In trying to figure out what the problem was, I got too close before I knew what the consequence would be. But you're safe at this distance. It's only your proximity to me that's affecting your bending. However, the energy in this area is having an effect on you. It disturbs Raava. Weakens her."
"Raava? That's…the Avatar Spirit?"
"That's right."
They started walking again, Saph letting herself breathe again after that moment of panic that her bending was gone forever. She understood now why Jinora seemed so sad. The other anti-benders they'd met had been miserable wretches. It was a wonder she was still sane.
"Do you live here alone?"
"Sometimes. My son, Akiro, comes and goes. He gathers supplies for my research. But…I know it's hard for him to be around me too much."
They both went quiet again for a couple of minutes and Saph sighed forlornly. As complicated as her life had become, it didn't seem so bad at the moment, by comparison.
"Where are you taking me?" she asked finally.
"You see the top of this hill? A large statue once stood there, many years ago. A statue of a great Spirit. I find it to be a peaceful place to think and meditate. Here—because of the portal—the barriers between the physical world and the Spirit world are weaker. I want to help you reach the Spirit world and connect with your past life."
Saph had nothing to say to that. What could she say? It wasn't at all what she'd been expecting and, frankly, it sounded a little terrifying. Clearly, Koko had filled Jinora in on the whole 'Avatar' thing, which made sense. If she trusted this woman, then Saph did, too. So she just continued to walk in silence, though wishing she could turn around and go back to the cabin.
But I can't. I'm the Avatar. No more running away. If Jinora can still keep going without her bending, I can manage this.
Neither spoke again until reaching the crest a few minutes later. Beyond it was a magnificent sight—a large bay, sparkling in the morning rays that slipped between the mountain peaks. Saph had never seen the ocean before and couldn't believe how vast it was, an endless expanse as far as the eye could see. It blended seamlessly with the sky as if both were one and the same.
"I see why you like it up here. It's beautiful."
"Bittersweet," Jinora murmured, though a glance at her face said that the 'bitter' part might be stronger. For a moment, her eyes lingered on a spot in the bay that had some jagged rocks sticking out of the water like sentinels guarding the coast. Then she sat down, facing the storm now, and assumed a meditative posture. "Join me."
"What do I do?" Saph asked once settled on the ground.
"Close your eyes. Focus on your breathing and hold Yin in your mind, but as a feeling rather than a thought."
It was a bit of a shock, hearing Jinora mention Yin. Saph had never even spoken to Koko about her, though it stood to reason Nani had at some point.
But more importantly, the instructions didn't make a lot of sense. "Why Yin?"
"You grew up in the swamp, a deeply spiritual place. Your visions of her weakened when you left, didn't they?"
"Yeah."
"That means there's some connection between her and the spiritual nature of the swamp. Focusing on her will help you tune in to your spiritual self."
Saph sighed and closed her eyes, not having a clue what Jinora meant but determined to try anyway. The electric crackle from the storm made all her fine hairs stand on end; it wasn't easy to ignore. It almost seemed to be wrapping her up, reaching into her being to fan the dying embers of her chi…
"Open your eyes, Saph."
She did so and nearly jumped out of her skin.
"Don't panic," Jinora said calmly before Saph could leap to her feet. "You're safe as long as you stay with me."
The landscape around them was truly bizarre. There were twisted, unhealthy trees all around, except for a cleared area directly ahead that resembled the storm. Everything was tinted in sickly hues—the colors of sickness and death. The two of them sat on a small mound of thick purple grass, almost like a protective bubble separated from the rest.
"I don't like this place at all."
"We're close to the portal," Jinora explained. "The corruption has affected this side, too."
"Why… Why did you bring me here? Am I supposed to fix it?" The thought made her heart race. "I'm not ready!"
"No, nothing like that. I want you to close your eyes again. Ignore the storm and the portal. Instead, look inward. Think of Yin again. Bring her here."
Saph had never seen Yin outside of their meadow. It seemed strange to think of her being here. Was it even possible? She kind of doubted it but tried anyway. She closed her eyes and did what Jinora had suggested earlier—holding the feeling of her friend in her mind, rather than the physical image.
Thinking of the long years they'd spent together—how much Yin had influenced the person she was, and how hard things had been in the last couple of months without her constant presence—Saph's eyes began to well up with tears.
And then…there was a strange sensation of something being pulled from her. It was so jarring that her eyes popped open again.
Her heart stuttered and she just gaped in open-mouthed shock. Sitting right in front of her, staring back, was a ghostly but clear face that she recognized…sort of. It was like looking in a slightly distorted mirror: The chin was just a little wider, the nose a little smaller, the cheekbones more prominent. And green eyes instead of blue.
"It's– It's...me?" she stammered.
"No." Jinora sighed; it was a sound thick with reluctance. "I was afraid of this. I'd hoped it wouldn't be true. That the burden of telling you wouldn't fall to me."
Hard as it was to pull her gaze away from the silent, imperfect copy of herself, Saph managed to look over at Jinora. Her words were just too unsettling to ignore, as was the uneasy look on her face. "Telling me what…?"
"What your parents should've told you years ago. I understand why they didn't, but…" She sighed again and shook her head slowly. Regretfully. "This person you're looking at—the person you've known as Yin your whole life... Her name was Jade. She was your twin sister. She only lived for a few minutes."
It felt like a blow to the stomach, the wind knocked out of her. Several seconds passed before any words managed to form and claw their way out of her lungs.
"What…?! I don't–" But she did understand; she just didn't want to accept it. Her eyes frantically swiveled back to the apparition before her, heart racing. "No... No, no no, this isn't right…" What is happening? This is really Yin?
"I'm so sorry." Jinora's voice was full of sympathy. "I know this isn't an ideal way for you to find out."
Saph didn't know how to process this sensation of loss for someone she hadn't even known existed in the first place, so her mind shifted over to indignation.
"Why– Why didn't anyone tell me?! My whole life… No one ever told me. I've been talking about Yin my whole life. Did no one think it might be her?"
"Not until recently, according to Koko. That's why they had you talking to that woman back in your hometown. To find out if there was a connection before telling you."
"I had a right to know, no matter what!" Saph snapped, though she knew deep down that her anger was misdirected. It didn't matter. She needed an outlet for this horrible, lost feeling that was growing inside her, and Jinora was the only available target.
"I know you're angry, but you need to understand something." She fixed Saph with a firm expression, the placid manner from before evaporating. "Your parents were children when you were born. That in itself was tragic, but on top of it all, they suffered a devastating loss. They were heartbroken. The pain of losing a child is unimaginable until you've experienced it yourself." She stopped for a moment and took a deep breath, her eyes glassy. "They didn't tell you because they couldn't."
"Nani could've told me," Saph said stubbornly, though the anger was beginning to fade, replaced by dejected resignation. She didn't want to think about the pain her very existence had caused her parents. "Or Koko. Or Valen or Toru or Sherabi or literally anyone."
"It wasn't their place, nor their burden."
"So then why are you telling me now?"
"Because I believe I understand what's happening, and it's important. Relevant. You have a deep connection to Jade—to her spirit. She isn't truly here, but inside of you. The Spirit world amplifies that connection, just as the swamp did."
It made sense, even if nothing else did. Saph looked at Yin. Jade. Her…dead twin. She just sat there like a living corpse. It was almost grotesque. Seeing her this way was deeply disconcerting.
And yet, there was this sense that she was trying to reach out—to soothe—just as she always had.
"Why won't she talk?" Saph asked desperately.
"She can't. She's just an echo of a life never lived."
"Is this…normal Avatar stuff? To see the spirits of people who have died?" Her entire perception of her best friend had been turned upside down. Was there any coming back from it? "I thought people moved on to new lives when they died?"
"If I'm right…she did move on. I think she might be more than just your sister."
"What do you mean?"
"Close your eyes again," Jinora said instead of answering. "Go deeper, beyond Jade. It may help you to think about Koko, about the bond you share with her."
"Koko? What's she got to do with this?"
"You're the Avatar. Within you lives the spirit of her mother. Find Korra."
But Saph just stared at Yin in front of her. Jade. My…sister. It was hard to look at her, yet she didn't want her to go. Will you help me? she pleaded silently.
The shimmering apparition before her didn't move or change, but Saph felt the sensation of a gentle embrace and relaxed into it, closing her eyes. The memory of healing Koko swam into her mind. Blinding fear mixed with unending grief mixed with bottomless love. At the time, she'd been too focused on the task to fully appreciate the emotions, but now they assaulted her in full force.
Bending air into Koko's lungs. In and out. Inhale. Exhale. Please, just breathe. Breathe, damnit. I won't let you die.
It left her breathless, as if someone were actually pulling the air from her lungs now, and she opened her eyes to find that Jade was gone. In her place was a muscular woman who looked to be in her forties. She wore a fur-lined sash around her waist, and her hair was in a long braid not unlike Koko's—in fact, it was just like how Saph had done it.
"Hello, Saph," she said with a smile. "It's good to finally talk to you."
"You–! Are you Korra?"
"Yes."
Saph let out her breath slowly as she processed who and what was in front of her. The Avatar. Avatar Korra. A true legend. And…part of me. "Um…hi." She'd never felt so intimidated in her life.
Korra shifted her intense gaze to Jinora. "Thank you for helping her, just as you helped me connect to my spiritual self all those years ago."
"It was my honor." She leaned forward in a seated bow, palm over fist. Her voice was strained, full of emotion. "You're sorely missed, old friend. But…you're not here to talk to me. There are more important matters."
A grave expression replaced Korra's fond smile and she nodded. To Saph, she said, "I hate to say it, but you've got a pretty serious task ahead of you to clean up the mess I wasn't able to prevent."
"I– I don't know how. I'm not ready. I only just started learning how to airbend! I haven't even tried waterbending, and I can't earthbend at all! How– How am I supposed to save the world?"
"Most Avatars have faced challenges they weren't ready for—myself included. You have a strength in you that will keep you going when everything seems hopeless. That's what it means to be the Avatar."
Few things had ever terrified Saph so much as those words, which seemed meant to comfort but had the opposite effect. As such, she burst into tears, burying her face in her hands out of shame. Some Avatar I am…
A comforting arm wrapped around her shoulders, which only embarrassed her more, and she forced herself to calm down. When she opened her eyes and wiped the tears away, Korra was gazing back with a sympathetic look.
"You're very afraid," she said simply. "It's probably why you can't earthbend. Well—one of the reasons, anyway."
"What– What do you mean?"
But it was Jinora who answered. "The earth chakra is blocked by fear. You'll need to find a way to overcome it, not only to earthbend, but to master the Avatar state."
"How do I do that?"
"Only you can figure that out," Korra said. "I'm sorry I can't help you more than that, but I only have the power to advise and guide."
"What–" It wasn't easy to force the question out. "What if I fail?"
"As long as you're still alive, you haven't failed."
The blunt answer caught Saph off guard. Korra's unspoken words manifested in her mind as something like a revelation: All the other Avatars that had come before—lost to time now—had died, one way or the other. Perhaps some had lived far into old age in a time of peace, but surely many hadn't, including Korra herself.
Failure was a very real possibility.
"I have a favor to ask," Korra continued. "If you're willing."
"What?"
"I would like to talk to my daughter."
Saph blinked; it wasn't what she'd been expecting. "How?"
"Close your eyes and think of her."
She obeyed, conjuring an image of Koko that seemed to imprint itself on the inside of her eyelids. She held her in her mind and was suddenly filled with memories, faces, thoughts and emotions... Too much. An entire lifetime swirling around in an infinite void, making her feel so…complete. It lasted only a few seconds—and an eternity.
When she returned to the world—most of the waking dream forgotten—she became aware that strong arms were supporting her collapsed body.
"No… Please… " someone whispered. "Come back…"
The voice above made Saph open her eyes to see Koko's face filling her vision, more distraught than she'd ever seen it.
"I'm right here." Saph reached up and brushed the tear streak with the tips of her fingers. Why was Koko crying? But then she remembered her experience in the Spirit world, all of it rushing back into her mind. Korra. "Did she talk to you?"
Koko—her expression controlled once again—pushed Saph's hand away and hauled her to her feet, though she maintained a firm, steadying grip when Saph swayed, still a little woozy. "Yes."
It was so strange to consider another person taking over her body. Possessing it. Had anyone else seen? She looked around for the others but found that it was just her, Jinora, and Koko. "Did you…follow us up here?"
Koko cleared her throat roughly and wiped her face with the attitude of someone choosing to pretend the tears were simply beads of sweat. "I was curious."
For some reason, Saph found herself annoyed by the answer. Annoyed by Koko's desire to satisfy her curiosity. It took a moment for her to realize why, then she pulled out of her grasp to face her.
"Why didn't you tell me about Jade?"
Weeks ago, she wouldn't have dared to use such an aggressive tone with Koko. Too intimidated. But the expected harsh scowl never came. Instead, Koko just nodded slowly.
"I almost did. You don't know how close I was, when you asked me about why Nani took you and your parents in." She sighed but met Saph's eyes with a determined set to her jaw. "I never agreed with their decision to keep that from you, but it wasn't the right time to explain it. The distraction wouldn't have helped the situation. I needed you to be focused—for your own safety and mine."
Saph had no retort for that admittedly very measured answer. The truth was, she really didn't want to think about any of it. Too much new information. Too many lies and secrets. Talking to Korra had done the opposite of putting her mind at ease. She felt so lost. Koko was a lifeline, grounding her to reality.
"What happens now?"
"What do you mean? Nothing's changed. You'll learn the elements. Valen will help you overcome your earthbending block."
"Not yet," Jinora said, drawing their attention. "Air first, then water. Earth last."
Koko regarded her with a confused frown. "What? Why?"
"Jade was the earth Avatar. The cycle continues. I think Raava is hiding."
Saph finally understood now; she couldn't believe she hadn't realized it earlier. Yin– No, Jade. She's Jade. I won't let her name be forgotten. Jade wasn't just her sister, but also her past life. One born immediately after the other died.
As unsettling as that thought was, it was also comforting. Whatever else happened, the two of them would always be together. Bound by something stronger than blood.
"Well…" Koko let out a slow breath. "That explains a lot. Did you suspect?"
Jinora nodded. "I wanted to find out more before I said anything. I'd hoped I was wrong." She turned to Saph. "That news never should've come from me, someone you just met. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I can't be your airbending master. The best I can offer is to be your spiritual guide, just as I was Korra's."
"Will–" Saph cut off, not sure if she should ask.
"Will what?"
"Will you ever get your bending back?"
Jinora smiled, though it was full of sorrow. "I haven't lost hope of that. One day."
Saph discovered a bit later that much had been discussed while she was sick. Now, the six of them were gathered for lunch around the too-small table in the main living space of Jinora's cramped cabin, though it felt more like a war meeting than a meal.
"I'll catch you up, Saph," she said matter-of-factly. "As you already know, I've been here studying the portal and the energy field around it that is disrupting chi pathways in benders. While that in itself is a problem, we have a much bigger one: The field is expanding—albeit slowly—and will eventually spread across the entire world if left unchecked."
It sounded like reason for wild panic. No more bending, anywhere, ever. Why were they all acting so calm about it? "How do we stop it?"
"Closing the portal should stop it. In theory, anyway. Unfortunately, there's only one person who has the ability to close a Spirit portal."
Every eye turned to Saph and she shrunk in on herself a little. "I– I'm guessing that would be me?" she said in a small voice. A moment later, the true reality of it hit her, taking her breath away. "I'll have to sacrifice my bending in order to get close enough to do it..."
But Jinora shook her head. "No. We would never ask that of you. In fact, I'm not sure you'd even be able to do it if your chi pathways were disrupted by the field. Opening or closing a portal requires the Avatar state."
"I don't understand…" Saph said slowly, though a spark of hope dared to grow in her. Maybe Jinora had a plan. "How will I close it from far away?"
At that, Koko jumped in. "Nik's working on something. With Jinora's research, it can become a reality. But you don't need to worry about all that right now. Your only job is to master the elements and unlock the Avatar state. And not get yourself captured. Again."
Saph looked at her sideways, the creeping shame currently overruled by vague amusement. She'd known Koko long enough that her subtle expressions might as well be an open book, and was quite sure now that there was a sarcastic sense of humor lurking in there, even if her face had forgotten the steps to that dance.
"Hopefully we won't run into any blue sages on the way back to Oldtown," Saph said.
Shylo laughed unexpectedly. "Fortunately, there's a zero percent chance of that!"
"Huh?"
"You missed a lot while you were asleep. Jinora's got a flying bison!"
"Really?!" After all the doom and gloom, this good news felt like a huge weight lifted off her shoulders. "We won't have to walk back to Oldtown?"
"Not all the way, at least," Jinora confirmed. "But stealth is necessary, and Palla can't land directly outside the city. Only a few people in the world even know she exists, and I'd like to keep it that way."
Between this conversation and talking to Korra earlier, all of the new information was beginning to make Saph's head spin. "Wait, wait, hold on. Why didn't we just have your bison pick us up outside of Oldtown? Rather than walk all the way here?"
"I didn't know she was here," Koko said impatiently, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I only knew there was someone here who roughly fit her description. And I knew nothing about Palla. Believe me, I wouldn't have walked all the way here if I'd known."
"A scout found me several months ago," Jinora explained to Saph. "He didn't tell me about Oldtown, and I didn't tell him who I was—only that I was studying the chi sickness. One learns caution and prudence after years of hiding."
"And then Nani's mother strong-armed me into coming here," Koko finished with a grimace.
A realization suddenly hit Saph like a brick to the stomach: This place—the crater outside… It was a mass grave. Koko's family had died here, along with so many others. Saph looked at her, finally understanding that this was the last place on Earth she wanted to be.
And yet Koko's sense of duty had overruled those personal feelings. Whatever she claimed, Saph didn't believe anyone could force her to do something she adamantly didn't want to do.
"When do we leave?" she asked aloud, desperately wanting to get Koko away from this place. Back to her home—or what passed for one, anyway.
"I've only got one guest room," Nani had said back in Oldtown, "and really, it's more like Koko's room."
She was a woman without a true home, but Nani had done her best to make up for that.
Saph was so wrapped up in those thoughts that she almost missed Jinora's response to her question.
"As soon as Akiro returns. He uses Palla to collect the materials I need from junkyards. I'm afraid I won't be joining you, though. My presence would only hinder your training. But I'll teach you as much as I can while we wait for Akiro."
"More trips to the Spirit world?" Saph asked nervously. As much as she wanted to see Yin—no, Jade—again, she didn't want to go there. And didn't particularly look forward to talking to Korra again. It hadn't been an especially encouraging conversation.
"Yes. You need to learn to do it consciously. Up until today, you've accessed the Spirit world in your sleep–"
"Wait, really?" Saph interrupted, surprised. "That place I always see Jade? That's the Spirit world?"
"It is. While you're here, near the portal, you'll likely find it easier than normal to go there. Even easier than it was in the swamp. I wouldn't be surprised if it happens tonight while you sleep. And I must warn you: The Spirit world is a dangerous place. You'd be wise not to wander it alone."
Saph gazed at the storm in the distance, but it felt as if she were looking through someone else's eyes because they changed their focus without her permission. Koko stood before her, looking truly stricken, then took a few halting steps forward and fell to her knees.
"Mom…"
"Kiriko." Saph's heart filled with warmth and love to see that face again—now safe and well—and she stepped forward to touch it, though her hand was little more than ethereal mist. "Look at you. My fierce girl. My Fireheart." The words sprung from her mouth like they belonged to someone else.
"I–" Koko seemed to be at a loss for words. "I have…so many questions."
"And they'll be answered, but not right now. Saph can't maintain this much longer." She bent down and brushed her ghostly lips against Koko's forehead. "I love you so much. More than I have words for."
"Don't go…" The plea was barely a whisper, choked out alongside two reluctant tears that had surely waited many years for this moment.
"I'm always here, inside Saph. She needs you right now. Look after her."
"I will. I promise."
"And look after yourself, too." Saph couldn't seem to fully access the thoughts and feelings that gave shape to her words, but she was aware of a dull, aching pain. "Don't guard your heart too closely."
The scene melted away as soon as it had appeared, and Saph found herself in her familiar meadow, which was more vibrant than ever before. She spun around in wonder, gaping at the richness of the colors. Jinora's warning played through her mind and she couldn't help but wonder how this place could be dangerous. It felt so secluded. So safe.
She studied it for another moment or so, then her gaze finally settled on the still ghostly but now very clear image of Jade, who sat cross-legged in her usual spot.
"So…" Saph said, sitting across from her. She suddenly felt a little awkward, not least because she was now looking at a reflection of her own face. Would she ever get used to this? "We didn't really get to talk much earlier. Sorry about that. Jinora wanted me to talk to Korra."
The emotion that flowed through her from Jade was almost more than she could stand, in the best possible way. It was something like joy but much, much deeper—an exuberance that transcended words. It was like Jade was saying hello for the first time.
"I'm happy, too," Saph whispered in a tight voice, realizing it was true as she said it. She was happy to finally know the truth. "I wish you were still alive, but then I guess I wouldn't be the Avatar, would I? I'd probably be jealous if you were the Avatar instead, and I was just your normal sister.
"But it's so hard, Yi– Jade. It's already so hard. They expect so much from me and I don't know what I'm going to do. I have to fix the Spirit portal, and deal with the blue sages—who will definitely be looking for me now—all while I try to master the elements and unblock my chakras… I'm just one person and I'm not that brave."
An image of Korra appeared in Saph's mind and she instantly knew what Jade meant. "Ugh... Do I have to? I mean, she's nice and all, but she just made me feel worse."
But it was pointless to balk, she knew. Talking to Korra was the most logical thing to do, and well…Saph was here after all—the Spirit world, apparently, but some hidden corner of it. Her and Jade's secret place.
She closed her eyes and tried to remember what she'd done the first time; it felt as if Jade were helping, too. After a minute or so, with a sensation like wet clothes being pulled away from the skin, Korra materialized where Jade had just been.
"Hello again."
"Um, hi. Sorry to bother you." She felt even more awkward now after having experienced the memory of her reunion with Koko. It had been such a private moment.
Korra chuckled. She was seated cross-legged across from Saph, her hands resting loosely on her knees. "I don't really exist in the strictest sense until you call on me."
"How does that work?"
"To be honest," she said with a shrug, "spirituality was never my forte. Jinora might be able to answer that question."
"Oh. Okay."
"Did you need something?"
"Well…" Saph thought about it for a moment as she tried to put her thoughts in order. "What was it like for you, when you found out you were the Avatar? Were you scared?"
"I was three years old, so it didn't mean much to me," Korra said with a laugh. "But I thought it was pretty cool, mostly because I didn't really understand the weight of it."
"And you spent your whole childhood learning the elements," Saph said dismally. It was a sharp reminder of just how far behind she was.
"Most past Avatars didn't start their official training until age sixteen. You're already ahead of the curve. Don't worry, you'll get where you need to go, in your own time."
Saph had to admit that this conversation felt much more encouraging than the last one. Some of her tension melted away, replaced by curiosity. "What was your favorite element to fight with?"
Korra smiled. "Fire."
"Me, too," Saph said, grinning back, but her mind was already moving on to the next random thought. "What was Koko like when she was young?"
Korra laughed and shook her head, though there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Wild. Full of energy. Intense. She always wanted to be the best at everything she did, and she practiced enough to make sure she was."
"I'm not surprised." Her questions refused to organize themselves. The next one seemed like it might be a little rude to ask, but there was no stopping it. "Um, sorry if this is kind of awkward, but…what happened to you?"
Korra got to her feet and held out her hand. "I'll show you."
When Saph took her hand, which felt a bit like reaching into a frigid stream, the meadow faded into gray nothingness. Slowly, a new scene began to emerge. She looked around and found herself on a dirt road, surrounded by a thick forest. Another version of Korra walked toward them with a satchel for traveling.
The spirit version of her said, "I was on my way home from dealing with some disgruntled Spirits in a town on the very edge of the Earth Kingdom. Time and technology had left them behind, so I traveled by glider. Unfortunately, it was stolen while I was busy with the Spirits. After many years of peace, I foolishly let my guard down and assumed it was just someone who wanted a souvenir. Figured I could use the exercise, anyway, so I started walking to the nearest town that had Satomobiles."
From out of the trees, about a dozen men and women appeared and surrounded flashback-Korra. They all had blue sage tattoos. Korra stopped and looked at them calmly. The only indication of fear she gave was a tightness in her shoulders.
"What do you want?" she asked, head held high.
Another man stepped out of the shadows and approached her. He, too, had a mark on his forehead, but it was…different. The blue eye was horizontal, bisected by a black line that went from his hairline down to the bridge of his nose.
"Do you like my pets?" he said in a voice that felt like oil dripping down the hollow between the ear and jaw. It made Saph dizzy and a little nauseated.
Korra dropped her bag and took a more defensive stance, though it was subtle. A fierce light had appeared in her eyes. "Who are you?"
"Those third eyes aren't for show, I assure you. They're trained to kill, should you attack. It would only take one of them." He stepped right up to her. "But you won't attack."
His voice now seemed to echo in Saph's ears and push everything else away. Spirit-Korra put a ghostly hand on her shoulder and it seemed to diminish the effect.
"I couldn't resist him then," she said. "He had power I knew nothing of."
The scene dissolved and a new one began to take shape. Flashback-Korra was now chained up in a dusty, dimly lit room. She hung there limply, covered in cuts and bruises of varying ages, and emaciated.
"I don't know how long they kept me. Months, maybe. Trying to trigger the Avatar state, just like the Red Lotus had tried, in the hopes of ending the Avatar cycle."
The mysterious man from before entered the room and regarded his prize. "You disappoint me," he drawled. "Stubborn. You don't deserve the power inside you that defies me, when you won't even try to use it to save yourself."
"I couldn't answer him," spirit-Korra said as the man left. "I was saving my strength for the right moment."
"I guess it never came," Saph mused.
"It did. I knew I was never getting out of there alive. I was alone, weak, surrounded by combustionbenders and who knew how many other enemies. And I was afraid I would succumb to his unnatural power again. Death was the only escape, the only way to ensure that a new Avatar would be born."
The scene shifted and blurred, distorted. The room suddenly began to shake and a harsh rumble echoed through it.
"But I was determined to take as many of them with me as I could."
She grasped Saph's shoulder again and the world faded to a gray mist. Everything was still and quiet for a few seconds, then vibrant colors replaced the nothingness. They were back in Jade's meadow.
"Huh…" was all Saph could say. It had been an intense experience, and she was still reeling from it.
"I know you probably think Koko might not want to hear that story, but she will, so please—tell her. It'll give her some closure."
Saph shivered and tried to push away the prospect of that conversation; there were more important things to think about. "Who was that man?"
"I don't know. He never told me his name, but Raava's presence did help me resist him. All I could gather was that he was some kind of leader."
The only glimmer of positivity was that it seemed like he probably died with everyone else. Saph sighed and forced herself to think of other things. Right now, she just wanted to go back to the real world. "I just have one more question. For now. I'm sure I'll have more later."
"What is it?"
Everything seemed to hinge on this, from what Jinora had said. The fate of the entire world rested on her ability to accomplish a very specific task. "I know I asked this before and you said you couldn't really help me, but can you give me any tips on how to unlock the Avatar state?"
"Only one, and it bruises my pride to say it: Learn from Jinora. If anyone can guide you on that journey, it's her."
A/N: Trigger warnings - mention of [past] child death; flashback of Korra's death, as told by Korra (the death isn't actually shown, just implied)