Author's notes:
So guess what?! I have finally finished my degree, which means university studies are out of the equation now…and this has been the primary hold up on updating this story! Woohoo! I am so excited to be able to knock out a chapter every couple of weeks from here on out. I'm really grateful for your patience and ongoing support of the fic…and for those who have messaged me/left reviews/etc. worrying I'm going to abandon it, don't worry! I won't.
Lots going on in this chapter, it's very long—and speaking of which, please keep in mind with the updates that my chapters are on average between 7000-10,000 words, which is…pretty ridiculous actually. Haha. So just grant me a tad extra time if I'm ever slow, I promise it'll be worth the wait! Anyway! Thanks again for reading!
As always, make sure to check out the important notes from the Prologue if you haven't already. Enjoy!
Music rec – So-Called Chaos by Alanis Morissette
Chapter Twenty-Two
It came on like a deluge—the uneasiness and the tension; the hurt and the anger and the fear.
And then finally, the relief.
Seiya caught the shaking girl heavily before she could collapse to the pavement, enveloping her icy body against her chest and feeling the aftershock of each intense emotion wrack her as it did Odango. The burn in her throat coursed to the space behind her eyes as she felt Usagi fall apart, beautifully, before her.
"Odango," she murmured, "I'm sorry."
You knew, she thought, as she knitted her fingers in her soaked hair and pressed her lips to the top of her head, you knew.
The rain was pelting down on the umbrella so loudly that Usagi's stuttered words only sounded more jumbled and frayed. "Seiya, h-how could I have done that? How could I have just risked her life like that? I can't believe I did something so stupid—I can't…I-I can't…"
"Shh, it's alright," Seiya hummed, "she's fine…"
Usagi shuddered violently against her, fist clenched into Seiya's t-shirt. "I-it just came out ofme, before I could even think—I told him I couldn't—that we couldn't do this—I told him Rini didn't need him anymore, I-I—"
"Hey, hey—it's okay…" She glanced around, and then up to Usagi's darkened bedroom. "Come on…"
She let the umbrella drop away, allowing the downpour to soak them both for just a moment as she slipped an arm beneath Usagi's knees and curled her into her chest. Before Usagi could protest, Seiya leapt from the sidewalk to her balcony in one swift motion, landing low with the young woman safe in her arms.
Usagi let out a surprised breath as she gripped onto her tightly in return, giving her a grateful smile. Seiya smiled back, rising to her feet and sliding open the door, crossing over the threshold. She placed her down gently on the bed, untangling herself from Usagi's wet limbs that clung to her like a second skin. "You're soaked," she said, looking at her sodden clothes as Usagi shivered. "Change into something dry—I'll find some towels…"
She snuck out into the dark hall, sighing long and dragging her fingers through her damp hair.
You shouldn't be here.
She knew that. But she couldn't leave her like this—not after all she had been through. She wouldn't let her bear it alone.
I won't leave her like he did.
She crept down the staircase and toward the laundry, pulling a pile of towels from the shelving and swearing under her breath as she nearly tugged the entire contents of the closet on top of herself. There was a creak in the flooring behind her and she jumped as a sleep-laden voice came out of the darkness. "Oh! I didn't know Usagi was having a sleepover..."
"Mrs Tsukino," she breathed, surprised that she hadn't sensed her presence approaching. "Um, yeah, we just got back…" She held up the towels lamely. "Got drenched on the way home…"
"I see," Mrs Tsukino said, gripping her nightgown around her closely. She eyed Seiya, dark eyes as curious as they had been the last time they had spoken. "I must have missed you both come in."
Seiya gave her a charming smile. "Well, it is late," she said. "I'm sorry if we woke you."
"No, no, that's fine—I haven't been sleeping well lately, anyway," she replied, her brow furrowed as she continued to look Seiya over. She shook her head. "You seem so very familiar to me…"
Usually, Seiya was so calm and collected under such circumstances, but suddenly she found her nerves kicking in. "Ah, I get that a lot," she managed, and then shot her a grin. "Just a memorable face, perhaps?"
Mrs Tsukino laughed and shook her head tiredly, rubbing her hands along her forehead. "Perhaps you're right." Her gaze met Seiya's, kind and gentle. Like Odango's. "I'm glad you're spending time with Usagi—I can tell she likes you, very much."
The comment threw her. "Oh," she replied, shrugging, "well, I like her, too…"
Mrs Tsukino nodded with a smile. "I can tell," she said simply. "She worries so much for everyone else around her—she needs someone like you, who cares for her."
Seiya frowned. It was an odd comment—Usagi had such loyal friends at her side who cared for her deeply—she hardly needed more—but Mrs Tsukino hadn't used the word friend, and Seiya sensed something that made her stomach knot.
Someone like you.
"You two have fun, but don't stay up too late—you have school tomorrow." Mrs Tsukino turned for the stairway, and it wasn't until she was well out of sight that Seiya swore she heard her softly say: "Goodnight, Seiya."
She couldn't possibly…
She shook her head and made her way back up to Usagi's bedroom, pausing at the door and knocking lightly.
"Come in."
You can do this.
She crept inside and closed the door behind her, and in the half-light, she could see the outline of Usagi's back as she sat on the edge of her bed, in little more than a tank top and underwear. Her hair still stuck to her skin in clumps, buns limp and skewed. Seiya growled as she collected herself and rounded the bed. "Odango," she scolded, "what are you doing? You'll catch a cold sitting there like that…"
She knelt in front of her and wrapped a towel around her shoulders, waiting for her to say something, but Usagi's gaze didn't shift from where it was trained distantly out the window. She dabbed a towel at her wet hair and along the curve of her shoulder, dipping into the contour of her collarbone and up the loose locks that clung to her neck. "Let's find you something warm…"
She moved to her dresser, which was overflowing with clothing, and rummaged for a sweatshirt. She cocked a brow at a bra that was dangling from the top drawer. "Are they bunny rabbits…?"
The comment broke Usagi from her thoughts and she let out a tiny laugh. "You sound like Haruka…"
Seiya looked back at her soberly. "Why does she know what woodland creatures are on your lingerie, Odango?"
"It's a long story," she replied cryptically, and then added: "But not for the reason you think…"
She plucked an oversized jumper from the drawer and knelt back down in front of her, pushing away the image of Haruka anywhere near Usagi in cute lingerie. "Well, I'm very glad to hear that," she said. She handed her the top. "Put this on."
Usagi fumbled and so she helped her, chuckling as her arms became stuck. "Is dressing Chibi this hard…?"
"Shut up…"
Seiya smiled and slipped the long strands of hair out from beneath the sweatshirt. "May I…?" When Usagi nodded, she wove her fingers up into her hair and removed the pins, allowing it to fall in kinked waves about her shoulders and pool on the bed around her. "Here…" She reached back to tug the ribbon from her own ponytail, threading it around the thick bundle of Usagi's hair and tying it off neatly. The gesture drew her closer to the girl, and suddenly she could sense her energy thrumming under her skin, feel her warm breath as it hitched. Their eyes locked and she pulled back from the thick headiness that had rushed up on her. She gave her a tight smile. "Better."
Usagi nodded, lip bitten as she absently ran the ends of Seiya's ribbon between her fingers. She slid back onto the bed and tucked her bare legs beneath the sheets. "Thank you," she said.
Seiya perched on the edge alongside her tentatively. She indicated to the tie wrapped around Usagi's hair. "It was my mother's."
"Oh—you didn't have to—"
"It's fine, Odango," she replied. "I know it's safe with you."
They were quiet a moment, as the electric energy that hung between them settled. Seiya opened her mouth to speak—to say she had better go, if she was alright, but Usagi's voice broke the silence. "How did you know, Seiya?" She asked. "How did you know what happened between Mamoru and I?"
Tell her the truth.
Seiya glanced away. "I just…knew..."
"Seiya," Usagi pressed.
Tell her the truth.
She hadn't wanted to burden her, to complicate matters further, and she had sworn to herself she wouldn't. Yet, there was something that tickled at her—something that told her she deserved to know, after all the secrets they had kept from one another.
And maybe—just maybe —you hope it will set her on the path to being with you, one day.
She eyed the bright slither of the moon through the window, edges blurred by the flutter of the drapes. "The same way I knew you were in danger, here on Earth," she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper. "The same way I communicated with you the other night, and that night at the concert when I showed you what Galaxia had done to our planet." She met her gaze. "Every time you feel something intense—like pain, or sadness, or some kind of surge of power—I feel it, too."
Usagi stared at her, cerulean eyes wide and expression unreadable. It looked like she was holding her breath—and perhaps that was because Seiya was, too. "I have always had this connection to you, Odango. Right from the very start."
She waited, still and anxious, expecting shock, or maybe frustration that she hadn't told her before. Neither came. Instead, Usagi softly said: "I can feel you, too."
Warmth pooled in her chest as the words ricocheted through her.
I can feel you, too.
Usagi shook her head, letting out an airy laugh. "There were times where I thought I was just imagining it—when I'd feel these things that didn't belong to me," she said. "It wasn't until the new enemy appeared and my powers changedthat I heard your voice, calling my name. That's when I knew it was you."
I knew it was you.
She wanted this to be everything it truly was—a profound, unfathomable bond that signified that their paths had always been destined to align.
You don't just sense another being's life force for no reason.
She wanted this to be everything it truly was, and the desire to act on her feelings was nearly unbearable—but she couldn't. She just couldn't.
"Looks like we've both been keeping more secrets from one another," she said lightly, pausing before she added: "I'm sorry. I should have told you."
Usagi shook her head. "I should have told you, too."
There was a beat of silence, and a question hung loudly in the air that neither of them were game enough to ask—not then. Not under those circumstances.
What does it mean?
Seiya chewed at her lip, contemplating her next words carefully. "There have been times when I've felt your pain and there was nothing I could do—to feel that helpless almost killed me," she told her, her voice wavering. "I will always protect you, princess, but I'm learning that there are times when I can't." She looked at her. "Tonight was one of them. I knew you had to face it on your own."
It was why she was there in the first place—why she had decided to pick her up as it all fell apart: to help her through the end of her relationship with Mamoru. In spite of everything she wanted, that was what she was there to do—just as she had last time. "I'm here for you now, Odango."
The spell of their revelation was short-lived, then, as Usagi's face fell and the reality of her evening came flooding back to her. "What was I thinking," she whispered after a moment. "Rini could have faded away and I just…I just did it, without a second thought." She clenched her fists in her lap. "What kind of mother could risk that—"
"The kind that knows what is best," Seiya interrupted sharply. "You knew in your heart that she would be okay—you never would have done it if you didn't."
Usagi was silent for a moment before she spoke again quietly. "I just couldn't stand it any more, Seiya. Everything we ever had was based on this epic romance from the past—one we don't have now—and to hear him telling me I couldn't do it, that I wasn't strong enough…" She shook her head angrily. "I kept thinking about everything we'd gone through, and all the times he'd pushed me away when I had tried…"
Seiya ground her jaw. She could almost see it—Usagi trying desperately to make it work, searching for the love and intimacy that her heart craved, and being pushed aside when it mattered most. She couldn't stand the thought.
"He's a good man, and I loved him for the longest time," Usagi said finally. "But something changed…and even knowing that Earth's future depended on us, I realised I couldn't spend eternity with someone I didn't love." She shook her head, shame tainting her features and her eyes growing glassy. "I can't believe I was so selfish…"
"We're all allowed to be selfish sometimes, Usagi," Seiya told her softly. "You can't be the strong, giving warrior you have grown to be if you can't look after yourself, too—and all of that hope and peace and love have a pair; they must come with darkness." She caught her eye as Usagi tried to avoid it. "I know you feel those thing. You can't hide it from me, not any more."
"I guess you're right," Usagi agreed with a small smile. "Do you think I did the right thing, Seiya?"
Seiya contemplated the question. "I think the person you chose to spend your life with should have faith in you…they should never tell you that you weren't strong enough, and they sure as hell would never push you away," she replied passionately. "If it were me, I would never—"
She bit her tongue and looked away, the words rising from her before she could stop them. Once again, she was putting herself in Mamoru's place—wondering if she was good enough. Once again, she was saying things she'd sworn she wouldn't.
"Would never what, Seiya?"
Seiya looked up at her in surprise—truly looked at her, with her reddened eyes, blotchy cheeks and messy hair. She had somehow grown a breath closer, bottom lip tugged between her teeth, curious eyes awaiting an answer.
While it may have been only the most intense feelings that they sensed from one another, Seiya knew what she saw in Usagi—it was unmistakable.
I would never treat you any less than the powerful, beautiful creature that you are, she wanted to say. I would support you and protect you and adore you. I would pull you back down to reality when your head was in the clouds, and whisk you away to places you never dreamed of. I would let you grow and fulfil whatever destiny you chose. I would touch you, like I know you want to be touched. I would continue to fight alongside you. I would love you, wholly, for exactly who you are.
She wanted to say those things—she wanted to press her back to the sheets make her forget everything that cause her pain. But she couldn't—she just couldn't.
"Nothing, Odango," she said, her voice husky and raw. She broke the gaze they held and got to her feet. "I should go…"
Usagi rose to her knees on the bed like shot, snatching Seiya's wrist before she could leave. Her cheeks flushed red as energy hummed between them. So close.
"Usagi," Seiya warned in a whisper, "I have to go."
She nodded, but not before she leant closer and pressed a kiss to Seiya's cheek. "I know," she replied.
Seiya stepped away and slid the balcony door open, her cheek hot and her heart aching. I have to go.
"Seiya?"
She looked back over her shoulder—just once more. "Yeah?"
"You said that you think I'm strong enough to do this," Usagi said. "Does that mean you'll help me save Rafu?"
You know what you have to do then, to save her.
She would go to Haruka, and they would end it. Usagi wouldn't need to give up anything else, ever again. She would take care of it.
"Of course," she said. "Sweet dreams, Odango."
His bed sheets were stale and cold as he slid beneath them, fatigue immobilising him as he willed his mind to just rest. Beneath their weight, amongst the stuffy warmth of his apartment and the aftermath of her walking away, he thought he would feel smothered—instead, he felt freed.
As he slipped between the veil of reality and a dream, he could hear Setsuna's voice echoing his thoughts: what is the matter with me?
His dream captured him, the hot stab and twist in his chest returning like it always did. His apartment remained dark, but a soft amber flickered through his drapes, and he rose from the bed, leaving himself behind. Through the sheerness of the blinds Tokyo city sparkled with nightlights, but then the glow returned and he was compelled to push the curtain aside.
Endymion…
He didn't recognise this place—an image of his city that radiated gold and garnet; modern skyscrapers and age-old towers and a moonless night's sky. It was the greeting of the two worlds he had run from for so, so long.
What had they done? What turmoil had they rippled into their future—a place where they were supposed to stand together to save his planet?
She still has the power to save your world, a strange voice said to him, she doesn't need you, and you have a job of your own.
He let the drapes fall away and returned back to himself, and as he laid still in the silence, he let go. For the first time, he relented to uncertainty—the sweetest form of relief he had ever felt.
Rini was quickly become an expert escape artist, if she didn't say so herself.
In the hours after she had arrived home from her late-night snack with Seiya at Crown's, once the rain had subsided and the household was silent, she had snuck out her window and down the guttering, intent on spilling her wild thoughts to the boy who had her heart. Her mind could be so loud at times, and Helios was the only one who could quieten the noise, so she began the hurried trek to see him. She channelled that incredible speed that had been unleashed from within her some weeks ago, crossing from suburban terrain to rocky earth in no time at all. She darted through the trees and bounded over fallen branches, her brooch hot against her heart's crystal. The quicker she moved, the harder her energy pumped through her veins, the more she began to believe Seiya's words.
Without needing a father.
Maybe that was why she had never really felt entirely whole—because she wasn't. And for the first time, that felt okay.
She slowed her pace as the forest cleared and the path opened up to reveal the Outer scouts' home, lit by nothing more than the thin moon. She skulked along the side of the house to Helios' room, tapping against the glass softly. "Helios!" She hissed. "Helios, let me in!"
There was movement in the bedroom and the boy appeared, eyes weary and hair askew. He slid open the window and looked at her worriedly. "Rini—what's the matter? What are you doing here?"
She huffed as she heaved herself in, all tangled limbs as she struggled through the opening, toppling onto him gracelessly. "Sorry…" She mumbled, face hot. "I have the power to run all the way here in no time but can't climb through a window, apparently…"
He chuckled. "It's alright," he said patiently, helping her to her feet. "What are you doing out on your own? You know Chaos will do anything to—"
She didn't want to hear it, and so she pressed her lips to his instead. He softened and kissed her back gently, his hands at the curve of her waist. It was like golden bliss, every single time. "I know, I know," she said as she broke away. "But I had to come see you, Helios."
He sighed at her and took her hand, leading her to sit at the edge of his bed. "Just so you could kiss me?" He asked, the tiniest hint of cheek in his voice.
"No," she replied defiantly, cheeks flushed. "Well, yeah, but not just that." She twisted her hands in her lap. "I just…I needed to talk."
He nodded knowingly. "About Mamoru and Usagi?
"About…everything," she said with a sigh. "Helios, I had been so scared that maybe that prophecy foretold a reality in which I didn't exist—that I was a mistake, caught up in the transitions of time, and it was only a matter of time before I disappeared entirely." She looked at him, hope filling her for the first time in a long time. "But then tonight Seiya told me that she believes I'm going to exist no matter what—that I don't need a father, because I'll be Usagi's…and I couldn't help but think, well, maybe she's right…"
A soft smile spread across Helios' face and his hand crossed the space between them to weave with her own. She quickly realised that the theory was not new to him. "That's what you think, too, isn't it?" She asked.
"It is," he replied. "I have glimpsed into the dreams of all kinds of people—good, bad, and somewhere in between—but when I hid in your dream, I felt something stronger than I had ever felt before, and I knew that couldn't possibly be a mistake." His amber eyes were so kind, and so gentle, as he watched her. "Your existence in this universe is far more significant than you realise, my maiden."
Her locket hummed once again against her sternum, and she curled her fingers around it as the energy pulsed into her palm, cool zaps that have her strength. Why did this feel so right, so suddenly? "Maybe," she said shyly, the concept foreign to her—she was just a regular girl, after all. "It's the strangest thing, Helios…I can barely remember the time I came from. It's almost like I feel…brand new." She laughed at the ridiculousness of it. "That probably sounds so stupid…"
The boy tilted his head, his face pensive. "Not at all," he said. "In fact, that is exactly how I feel. The longer I stay on Earth, the more distant Elysion becomes and the more I feel like I will never return."
"Does that make you sad?" She asked quietly.
He shook his head. "No," he replied. "I have a family here now—something I have never had before."
Family.
Rini bit her lip. "I saw Usagi after she came home from Mamo's," she started, the memory of the saturated blonde throwing herself at her in panic fresh in her mind, "she seemed so upset—she said she was worried about me and—"
It hit her then. The terror, the desperation—something had happened between them that had held the potential to rock Rini's existence at its core. "Oh," she said, breathless. What was she supposed to feel—anger, hurt? Betrayal? Or perhaps pride and happiness that her future mother had finally done what she needed to for herself?
She didn't know what she felt.
There was no need to explain—Helios seemed to understand completely. "Rini," he pled, "stop worrying that beautiful mind with things you cannot control."
"I can't help it," she grumbled, looking down into her lap. "You know that…"
He laughed and shuffled closer to her, his fingers guiding her chin back to look at him. In the darkness, his features were fair against the amber of his gaze, and the ruby gem seemed brighter than she'd ever seen it. He tipped her head up to meet his and kissed her softly, and images of a beautiful world bloomed behind her eyes—misted mountains and trickling waterfalls and willows and wildflowers. Warm sunlight on her skin and soft grass beneath her toes. A haven that only he could take her to.
"What's that on your wrist, Usa?"
"Huh?" Usagi glanced up across the grass at Minako, who was peering at the tail end of Seiya's ribbon that she had wrapped around her wrist for safekeeping. It was a brand new school day, but the Starlights weren't there with them, and her friends had been carefully quiet from the moment she had walked through the gates. "Oh, it's nothing…"
She tucked the silk under the sleeve of her blouse and returned her gaze to the oval, where she could see Rafu's group of friends kicking a ball across the field. He wasn't at school, and the thought troubled her.
"Usagi…are you alright? You've hardly said a word all day…"
It was true—she had been quiet. When she had gotten up that morning she had every intention of speaking to Rini, but the young girl had already left for school. She wouldn't keep what had happened between Mamoru and herself from Rini—it wasn't fair—but when it came to her friends, it was another story entirely. She felt it right to speak to Mamoru and tell them together—they were still a team, after all. Their relationship was unlike any other, in that it potentially affected the lives of so many around her, and while they knew she hadn't been happy, there was an unspoken understanding that she would sacrifice what she had to for the sake of their future.
"I'm fine," she lied, giving Ami a forced smile.
Minako hummed disbelievingly. "Come on, Usa, we know you—we can tell something is wrong."
"We're your friends, and we support you," Makoto said. "That's what we're here for."
When she didn't reply, Minako placed a hand over her own and gave it a squeeze. "You're always the one telling us we will find a way," she said softly. "Let us do the same for you."
We will find a way.
Perhaps they would tell her she had ruined everything, or perhaps they would tell her she had done the right thing, but sooner or later, they would learn of what had unfolded.
"Heads up!"
A soccer ball suddenly came flying toward them hard and fast, but Makoto caught it before it could knock one of them flat. She glared at the boys as they jogged over. "Watch it!"
"Sorry, Mako," Riku said with a sheepish grin. "We'll be more careful next time…"
"You'd better," she replied, tossing the ball back to him. "Don't make me come over there and show you how it's done!"
Aito scoffed at her. "Whatever…"
Usagi turned to face them, taking the opportunity to speak to them while she had it. "Hey, you guys, do know where Raf is today?"
"Ha, of course you'd want to know, Tsukino—"
She gave them a withering look as they sniggered. "Seriously, Hideo—he was here yesterday, and he seemed fine…"
The three boys exchanged glances, and Aito spoke quickly. "Raf's been a bit weird lately—he's been getting into some trouble…"
"I mean, we love trouble," Riku said, all bravado, "but not that much…"
Hideo nodded. "Like this past weekend, he was out at some club, drinking and picking up girls. I know the guys he's been hanging around with—they're not good people," Hideo told them. "Last night he was at some place called Space Edge—asked us to go with him yesterday when he was at school, but we said no."
Space Edge—why does that sound so familiar?
"We told him we actually wanted to stay in school," Riku added. "And not get thrown in jail."
Aito hiked the ball up onto his hip. "Heard he started a fight—broke some guy's nose and got away with it," he said. "I called his place but his mom said he hadn't come home—didn't sound like she cared too much, though."
"Oh, Raf," Minako murmured sadly.
Usagi could feel the anger mounting within her. She had known Rafu for many years, and the boy certainly had a reckless streak, but this was manipulation of the sickest kind. This was Chaos' game: brainwash and destroy; watch them rot from the inside out. If she was going to help him, she needed more information. "Aito, did he say anything else yesterday, before he left?"
He nodded, brow furrowed. "Yeah, he did actually," he replied. "He said if we wanted to join him, the offer still stood—to meet him there Saturday night. Said we didn't know what we were missing…"
A plan started to form in Usagi's mind and as the boys returned back to their game on the pitch, her three friends began discussing what they had learned in hushed voices. "This has got to be Chaos' doing—there's no way Raf would do things like this—"
Usagi tuned out, mulling over the name of the nightclub Hideo had mentioned. She could almost see the neon sign in her mind—hear the beat of the music and the atmosphere as they—
I'll take you some place nice, but it's a secret, okay?
Suddenly she was back in the Chevron wheel and Seiya was holding a finger to his lips, before sneaking her in to the club in the middle of the day to cheer her up and go dancing for the very first time. That was why it sounded so familiar—she had been there before.
She was on her feet in an instant, hoisting her bag onto her shoulder and charging for the school gates. "I have to go—I'll see you later on!"
The girls spluttered as she rushed off. "Usagi, where are you going? You can't just cut class!"
She had to find Seiya—with her help, maybe she could get to Rafu, before Chaos destroyed him completely.
Setsuna knew the moment Mamoru's apartment door swung open, that something had changed. "Mamoru…"
"Thank you for coming," he said, voice rough. "I…needed someone to talk to."
She followed him in, feeling uneasy as he dropped back onto the couch. "Are you alright…?"
It was the middle of the afternoon and sunlight streamed in through the blinds, catching specks of dust that hung in the space that had been uninhabited for months. "Yeah," he said, head rested back against the cushioning to look at the ceiling. "I think I am."
She narrowed her eyes and sat down next to him. "You certainly don't seem alright," she said. "I was worried about you, after yesterday…"
"We seem to worry about one another a lot, don't we?" He remarked with a tired smile. He looked away, and after a moment, let out a long breath. "Usagi ended it, Setsuna."
Setsuna stared at him. "What?"
He closed his eyes. "She said she couldn't do it anymore—and you know what?" He looked over at her. "Neither could I—it hadn't felt right for a long time, and we both knew that."
Setsuna's mind reeled. "This is my fault," she began, "I never should have told you—"
He sat upright, bringing himself closer to her. "No, it's not," he said firmly. He was quiet a moment before he spoke again. "Usako said something to me last night…she said did you ever think that maybe there was a reason that we were a tragedy, and you know, I did wonder." He shook his head. "I did wonder why it always felt like we were trying to mend something that was always supposed to be broken."
She held her breath, willing herself to give him the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to speak. Perhaps, in the aftermath of their parting, he hadn't fully processed the repercussions of their actions. Even so, she couldn't help but think: but what about the future—what about Rini and Crystal Tokyo and everything we know nothing about?
"Rini is fine—I checked in on her at school today," he said, as though he had read her mind. "And now I know whyyou didn't tell me what that prophecy said."
"Mamoru, I—"
"It's alright," he interrupted. He sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. "I've always believed that knowledge is power; I've always liked being sure and secure—and I guess that's what comes from being alone so long, and losing the memories that made you who you were." As he paused, Setsuna's heart ached for him—he never spoke of his past. "I've become reliant on certainty, when it's something I cannot have—I had blindly followed the future we knew, because I was afraid of world in which I didn't know the outcome."
Setsuna could suddenly feel the cool solitude of Space Time—she could feel her loneliness and recall herself questioning who she was, and what her true purpose was. "Space Time is the greatest mystery of our universe, and as guardian of that realm I grew to respect and love its volatility," she opened up, hoping her own vulnerability would perhaps help him. "As the cosmos continued to change, and I walked alone, my role grew, and suddenly I could see how everything was destined to be—I was given certainty that I could not challenge, and it went against everything I knew." She looked back at him. "I know what it's like to feel as though there is a disconnect between your purpose and your reality."
Mamoru watched her intently. "Do you still feel that way?"
No, she thought, I feel like the gap is closing faster than I can handle on my own. "It doesn't matter," she dismissed. "My purpose is herenow, looking after this planet and the future we have fought so hard to protect."
His gaze fell to the floor, a frown on his lips. "We're stillfighting for a future, Setsuna—perhaps the strongest one we've ever known," he said. "After I woke up in that hospital, after all the nightmares and the voices and the pain, I realised that something in our future was shifting." He met her eye, and suddenly she felt utterly disarmed—like he could see everything. "Every time I caught a glimpse, all I could see was shades of glowing garnet and gold." His voice was quiet as a secret. "I know you feel it, too."
Her reply was little more than a whisper—a weak lie, at very best. "I don't know what I feel."
"Yes," he told her, "you do."
Usagi sighed as she walked through the front door, dropping her school bag to the floor haphazardly and grimacing as her mother's stern face peered out from the kitchen at her. "I had a call from the school, young lady—where were you this afternoon?"
She groaned. Her afternoon had been spent looking for Seiya, who had been at the studio. She told him hastily about Rafu, and asked if he would take her back to that nightclub on Saturday night, and after a moment of hesitation, he had agreed.
But she could hardly tell her mother that, could she?
She opened her mouth to come up with an excuse but Rini's voice rang out from the stairwell. "She was with me, Ikuku-mama—I was having a hard day and she came to make sure I was okay," she said, coming to stand alongside her. "Please don't punish her—she was only looking after me…"
Ikuku looked between the two girls suspiciously, and then her expression softened. "Alright, then," she said. Chibi Chibi wriggled in her arms and she let her down. "Off you go—play with Usagi and Rini…"
Usagi snatched the toddler up and yelped as Rini tugged her up the stairs to the attic. "Why did you lie for me?" She hissed.
"Because you're more use to me when you're not grounded, Odango-head," Rini replied as they entered her bedroom. She moved to her bed and sat down, her fiery demeanour disappearing instantly. "And, well, I wanted to talk to you…"
Usagi placed Chibi Chibi onto the floorboards, where she played happily with a doll and a toy train that she had gripped in each hand, and joined Rini. She had to tell her. "About last night, I…"
"I know you broke up with Mamoru," the girl blurted. "I know that's why you were so upset, and I know that's the reason why you were so worried about me—you thought I might have faded away."
Usagi reached out to her, her throat tight. "Oh Rini, I'm so sorry—"
"Don't, please—you don't have to say you're sorry," Rini interrupted, like it was no big deal. "I get it."
"No, you don't," she pressed. "I have done so much to keep you safe, and for the first time, I didn't." Her eyes were hot with tears. "I understand if you think I don't care about you, but I want you to know that isn't true, not at all—"
"Of course I don't think that," Rini replied, slight exasperation in her voice. She sighed. "You're so mad at yourself for what you did, but I know you thought I'd be alright, deep in here." The adolescent placed her fingertips over Usagi's heart. "I know it."
You knew in your heart that she would be okay.
Usagi smiled softly at her, swiping at the tears on her cheeks. "I've always called you an immature brat," she sniffled, "but you're really beyond your years, Rini."
"I know," Rini said haughtily. She grinned. "Beautiful and mature—like a true lady."
Usagi chuckled. "Whatever you say…"
"So," Rini hummed, "does anyone else know?"
"Seiya knows," Usagi replied, "I mean she was there last night—she kind of figured it out…"
She kind of knew…
Rini nodded slowly, as though she mulling something over in her mind. "When are you going to tell the others?"
Usagi gazed out the window at the stars. "I don't know," she said. "I'm not so sure they'll understand. There's so much I have put in harm's way by doing this."
"You don't know that for sure," Rini said. "This could be the start of what is supposed to be." She could feel her watching her closely. "Maybe now you can be with someone you choose—someone who makes you happy…"
She looked back at her strangely. "What are you talking about?"
"Ugh, Usagi," Rini mumbled, rolling her eyes. "You can be so dense sometimes."
Usagi glared at her light-heartedly, and then shook off the thought. "You make me happy, Rini—you and all of my friends and family."
"Chibi?"
Chibi Chibi had wandered over to join them, her round eyes speaking volumes. "And of course you, too, Chibi," Usagi chuckled, cupping the toddler's cheek.
"Come here." Rini scooped her up and placed her on her lap. "See, we're like a little family—me, you, Usagi, your dolly and your train…"
Usagi watched them as she played and made the girl giggle, wondering suddenly if there were truth in Rini's words—perhaps the little one was her daughter, after all. The word family tugged at her. "Rini, I know you think a lot of Mamo," she said. "I don't want you to miss out on the father you already had, once…"
Rini shook her head. "He's still my family, Usa," she said. "Him, the scouts, Helios, Ikuko-mama and Kenji-papa and Shingo…even Seiya and the other Starlights—they're all my family." She smiled. "It's just like you said."
Minako's words rang out to her, then. We will find a way.
Haruka noticed a lot of things, behind her hard exterior.
She noticed the way Michiru smiled at Hotaru, as she watched her across the breakfast table. She noticed Yaten's sad stolen glances at Minako, and Ami's beautiful indifference toward Taiki's gender. She noticed how Makoto's gaze was never quite on the boy who worked at Crown's, but instead on the young girl over his shoulder. She noticed how Rei spoke of her duties at the shrine with the same love and passion that she did of her boyfriend. She noticed how frightened Rini seemed to be, to be in love with a boy who didn't belong on Earth.
She noticed Seiya's unrelenting desire to empower and protect their Moon princess, and the way Usagi thrived, the moment the Starlight was at her side.
She noticed the way Setsuna averted her crimson gaze and withdrew into herself as she returned home from Mamoru's apartment, as though she knew something no one else could.
She noticed the turmoil that churned in her own mind when she thought about their future, and the lengths she knew they would have to go to, to save it all.
She noticed her resolve set in hard, cold stone—laced perhaps with a hint of betrayal and a trace of remorse—when she opened her front door to Seiya and he said to her: "We have a chance—let's take it."
"Come on, Odango!"
Usagi weaved amongst the loud crowd as a beat shook the floor, holding tight to Seiya's hand as she led her toward the bar. There was a flurry of excitement behind them as the other two members of the Three Lights were stopped by fans—much to Taiki and Yaten's displeasure.
Seiya grinned back over her shoulder. "Brilliant, huh?" She called over the music. "They get us in, and I don't have to worry about getting harassed all night!"
"Will they join us later?" Usagi asked, walking on tiptoe to try and get a view of them amongst the squealing girls.
"Maybe," Seiya replied. "But they'll be here—good to have back-up, given the others aren't here." She steered her down the stairs. "Do they know you're here?"
Usagi shook her head. "No, they don't."
The past days had flown by quickly as Usagi had focused on her schoolwork and kept a close eye out for trouble that could have been caused by Chaos. It had been quiet, strangely so, and thanks to Seiya, she had successfully weathered the concerned questions from her friends and avoided discussion around her relationship with Mamoru. The two had spoken briefly over the phone when he called to speak to Rini, and they had agreed that it was time to discuss what they would tell the other senshi. The interaction was oddly amenable, as though the lingering tension between them had suddenly dissipated—a welcome change.
"Ow!" She gasped as she was nearly bowled over by a group of drunken girls. "Ugh, it wasn't so busy the last time we came…"
Seiya tugged her closer and guided her across to a free space at the bar. "Well, it's a lot more tame during the day." She shot her a smirk. "People don't just come here to dance, Odango."
She stole a glance at the couples on the dance floor—bodies close and hands wandering. "I can see that…"
"You could cause us trouble tonight with some…unwanted attention," Seiya commented, her eye trained on someone over Usagi's shoulder. She cocked a brow threateningly and Usagi felt a hand encircle her waist. "But don't worry—I'll make sure they get an entirely different impression…" She moved a touch closer. "You may not be spoken for anymore, but they don't need to know that."
Usagi flushed as the other hand joined the first, fingers fanned across the curve of her lower back. "Thanks?" She joked meekly.
"You're welcome," Seiya said, her eye settling back on Usagi. She grinned. "Plus I know you'll enjoy it…"
Usagi scowled at her. "Seiya…"
She laughed and broke away from her, waving the bartender over. "Can we get a drink…"
She shook her head. Seiya's words rang far truer than she cared to admit, but she couldn't think about that—not now. She cast her eye around the room, watching as more and more people arrived and it grew crowded and hot. If Rafu was there, he would make himself known to her—she was sure of it.
"Looks like you've got yourself in some trouble, hm, kitten?"
She jumped as Haruka bopped her on one of her buns, blinking as the Uranian senshi and her girlfriend appeared at their side. "Haruka, Michiru—what are you doing here?"
"We could ask the same about you," Michiru said, quirking a brow at her.
Usagi fumbled. "Um, well, Seiya has brought me here before, and I wanted to dance, so…"
Haruka tutted. "Only players get underage girls into bars."
"Fuck you, Tenou," Seiya growled over her shoulder.
"But really you guys, what are you doing here?" Usagi asked, confused. "I didn't think this was the sort of place you would like to hang out. You both like such sophisticated places…"
Michiru waved a hand at her dismissively. "Sometimes it's fun to keep things interesting," she purred. She gave Usagi a cheeky smile and took her hand. "For a girl who wanted to go out and dance, you're not doing a lot of dancing—come…"
"Uh, okay—"
She glanced back at Seiya, who shrugged, and Michiru dragged her into the masses of people. They started to dance, the violinist moving close until Usagi could hear her speaking in her ear. "Are you going to tell me what's going on, Usagi?" She asked. "Between you and your prince?"
Usagi stilled, feeling caught. "Nothing, Michiru," she lied. "It's nothing."
"Hm," she remarked disbelievingly. "If you say so." She moved her hips to the beat, still so elegant in spite of their surroundings. A smile crossed her lips. "So many pretty women here, don't you think?"
That was Michiru—teasing her in the subtlest ways, even though she had it all figured out. Usagi chewed her lip, her gaze shifting back to the bar and a hot flicker firing in her chest as she watched the raven-haired woman lean against bar alongside Haruka, collar of her leather jacket flipped high around her neck and usually unruly curls pushed back to show off her striking features. With her low-slung jeans and that cool, cocky smile on her lips, there was no denying that Seiya was utterly alluring.
"Yeah," she replied distantly, "I guess there are…"
The feeling burned—yearning, so clear to her then. You shouldn't feel like this.
A fiery-haired woman approached Seiya then, all fluttering eyes and pouted lips. Beside her, Haruka rolled her eyes and took a swig of her beer, sliding onto the barstool and turning away disinterestedly. Seiya eyed the girl for a moment, giving her a flirtatious smile and a wink, but her gaze drifted across to Usagi on the dance floor, and she shook her head at the young woman.
Oh.
Seiya's smile quickly turned wicked, and Usagi heard Michiru chuckle as Seiya inclined her head toward Haruka, indicating to the girl that perhaps she would be interested in her offer. "Oh, Seiya Kou…" Michiru scowled playfully.
Seiya caught her eye and gave her a thumbs up as the girl tapped Haruka on the shoulder and leant over provocatively. Usagi snorted a laugh. "She's a brat…"
"That she is," Michiru agreed, and then twirled her around. "I'd better go rescue her before she gets herself in trouble…"
Usagi made to follow her, but a figure caught her eye amongst the crowd—tall and broad, with dark eyes. "Raf…"
She kept her eye on the figure, pushing between people and moving deeper into the horde as she followed him. As the music bled into a new song, the lighting changed, and amongst the reds and purples, she spotted him—but he was not Rafu. "Damn…"
She startled when a hand came to rest on her hip, and spun around, almost careening straight into Seiya. "There you are," she said loudly. She frowned. "You okay?"
"I thought I saw him," she answered. "Any luck?"
"No, not yet." Seiya watched her closely, concerned. "We don't have to stay here—you don't have to do this tonight."
"I do," Usagi replied fiercely. "Even if he never comes, at least I'll have tried—I have to take that chance."
Seiya nodded. "Okay," she said. The worry on her face broke into a daring smirk. "While we're here, you might as well have some fun—get your mind off things, just for a minute…"
Usagi narrowed her eyes at her. "What kind of fun…?"
"Well, I know it's not your first time any more, but I think I can still show you a thing or two," she said. She held out her hand. "Dance with me, Odango?"
Usagi conceded with a smile and began moving with the upbeat tempo as it thumped all around them. She had forgotten how good it felt—to move her body and sing at the top of her lungs, and the wish to be without the weight of their world on her shoulders had never been so strong.
"Having fun yet?" Seiya called to her, smile wide. "I think watching me dance is possibly the best distraction you could ever ask for!"
She rolled her eyes at the Starlight's audacity, and then laughed as she spun her under her arm, once and twice and then three times, until she was dizzy. The room whirled around her, darkness stained with swirling colours, and she stumbled into her, giggling and puffing. Seiya shot her a playful look. "Oh! I didn't realise you wanted that kind of dance, Odango, but if you insist…"
Her fingertips travelled along her waist to her hips, lips by her ear and torso nearly flush against her own. Long lashes swept upward as she turned her head to look at her, a breath away. "It's so good to see you smile," she said simply. "That's all I ever want."
Before she could even think of a response, Seiya pulled away, putting distance between them as quickly as she had drawn her in. There was a hint of emotion behind her sapphire gaze—something sad, or perhaps something longing.
She was beginning to see it all so clearly.
Suddenly, there was a shriek that pierced the music, so horrific that it sent Usagi's blood cold. Within seconds, people began to panic, and as the cry rang out again, ragged and broken, Usagi ran for the sound.
"Odango!"
The panic descended into bedlam as people tore past her toward the exits—some knocked to the floor, and some holding their heads in their hands as though they were hearing something unspeakable. The strobe lights began to flash painfully fast, and she gasped as someone collided into her, winding her so significantly it knocked her to the ground. Blood and terror thundered loudly in her ears amongst the bass—so loud—but she forced herself to keep moving. She would find him.
"Usagi!"
With every moment, the music began to grow dull and time felt thick around her—the scent of blood suddenly filling her nostrils and an ache building behind her eyes. She felt sick and disoriented; unable to breathe; unable to gain control of her body. What is this?
"No, no, no, please! No!"
A young girl skidded back on the floor, slipping on black blood that painted the floor. She cowered and cried, as a figure stood motionless over her, the blade of a knife glinting with each shock of light.
Usagi felt frozen—powerless—and the sensation only worsened when she saw what laid in the dark corner: a man's body, spluttering and jerking with his last moments of life, his skin mutilated with deep carvings that marred his middle and webbed around his neck. She could see then that the figure was a woman—just a young girl, like her. A young girl with icy blonde hair and a pretty bow, in a lovely pink dress that was smeared with blackened blood.
A young girl who was now hollow and gone.
With each blink of the strobe light, distorted black figures appeared in wispy tendrils around her—one whispering in her ear, one touching her thigh, one hovering over the body that lay lifeless on the floor. They coerced her, they manipulated her, and when she looked back over her shoulder, her eyes were like bruises and her smile was twisted.
She couldn't do anything—she was paralysed.
"He says this is just the beginning," the girl told her. The dark energy closed in around her, twisting up her limbs and wrapping pointed fingers around her neck. "If this is the game you want to play."
No.
Usagi couldn't breathe, she couldn't move, and as arms encircled her waist she lashed out, air and time finally rushing back to her at the touch. "We have to go, Odango, come on!"
She shook her head, struggling against Seiya's grasp as she watched the man's body blacken like ash among a puddle of blood. "No, we can't leave them—"
Seiya grabbed her face urgently, and it was then that she saw people around her—those who hadn't escaped, hunched and crying in pain, as though unimaginable tragedy warped their minds. As though chaos gripped their reality.
"We have to go, now," Seiya insisted, pulling her away as her body glowed vivid blue. "The further we get away from these people, the safer they will be—this is what he wants."
Sirens wailed in the distance as they darted toward the exit, Haruka flanking her as they moved. When she broke out into the night, she drank in the fresh air in gasps. "We should have done something! We should have tried!"
"There was nothing we could have done for that man—he was already gone," Taiki told her, as they moved away from the commotion to an ally way out of sight.
"We had to just get everyone out of there," Yaten added. "If we hadn't, more people would have been lost."
"He's a coward," Haruka burst angrily. She met Seiya's eye and shook her head. "He's a fucking coward."
Michiru looked across at Usagi as she leant against the bricks, shaking and trying to regain a sense of control over herself. "Usagi, we were calling out to you—didn't you hear us?"
Usagi closed her eyes, the flicker of the strobe and the image of that man—of that woman—still fresh in her mind. She was angry—at the lost opportunity to save her friend, at the lives she hadn't been able to save.
"Usagi, didn't you hear us calling you—"
"Yes, I heard you!" She snapped, and let out a sharp breath at her outburst. "I-I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything…"
Seiya moved to stand in front of her. "It's okay, Odango…"
"It's not okay!" She cried. "I know what he's doing—he's taking people now—creating soldiers, forcing that blackness into them." She looked up at her, and she was angry. "He wants a war, and I'm going to fight."