Chapter Seventeen
The sound of airplanes and zapping noises washed through Robin's ears and slowly, he began to become aware of his sore body. He was pressed to something divinely soft, though. Robin rolled onto his side, but bit his tongue when his bruised ribs sent a jolt up his spine. Groggily, his eyes began to open and he was confronted with a room he did not recognize. The wallpaper was gaudy, elaborate, and loud. There were tall wall length windows bordered by velvet curtains. Robin reached towards his throbbing temples, letting out a curt moan. He propped himself up on his elbows, looking around the grand and spacious room. It was dark outside. Robin didn't know how that was even possible. An arcade noise reached his ears again and Robin glanced towards a cluster of couches and chairs. Beast Boy was curled up on one, furiously pressing the buttons on his Gameboy. He paused, however, when he realized his friend was stirring.
"Robin, dude," Beast Boy hopped to his feet, coming to his side. "You're awake. Finally!"
"How long have I been out?" Robin's voice was hoarse and scratchy. He raked his dark hair from clawing over his forehead.
"Close to two days, I think," Beast Boy replied. "I mean, I've made it to level fifty-seven in Monkey Karts and that usually takes me about two days..."
"You brought your Gameboy to Tamaran with you?" Robin deadpanned.
Beast Boy pressed the aqua blue device to his chest. "I never go anywhere without it."
"What's happened?" Robin asked, sitting up and beginning to peel the blankets back.
"Whoa, hold on. The doctor has to clear you before you can get out of bed," Beast Boy held his hands up. "You had internal bleeding, dude. Your rib was like five centimeters off from puncturing your lung. You haven't missed much, I promise." Robin let out a sigh that rattled in his chest as he sank back into the pillows. "Wildfire's taking the ropes on as Grand Ruler. Starfire's been helping him. Or... more of learning with him. There are a lot of reparations to be made."
"I want to see Starfire," Robin said, gripping his blankets tightly. He realized in that moment, his uniform had been stripped from his tender body. He only wore now a rumpled white undershirt with his green leggings. Robin let out a wheezy cough as he adjusted back and forth in his bed.
"Aw, sorry I'm not good enough for you," Beast Boy grinned lopsidedly, plunking down on the edge of the bed.
Robin sighed, lacing his hands over his sore abdomen. "I'm sorry. I want to see everyone."
"Nah, I get it, dude," Beast Boy shrugged, swinging his legs back and forth. He paused, looking to the recovering leader. "She almost died... you did, too, y'know."
"Well, dying isn't really my style, Beast Boy," Robin smiled with his bruised face.
"Yeah, Cyborg told me that," Beast Boy stood up, jamming his hands into his pockets. "Well, I should go tell everyone you're awake. With any luck, your ribs will straighten out so we can make the flight home. We're all a little anxious to get back to earth."
"Never thought I'd miss Slade," Robin laughed, wincing as his chest jolted.
"Yeah," Beast Boy snorted, heading for the door. "Or the Amazing Mumbo."
...
The next morning, Robin managed to pull himself from bed. He had been advised to wait for a doctor, but Robin couldn't hold off any longer. As his feet touched the ground, he felt a bit wobbly. He hugged his torso that radiated with pain. He had one goal, however, and that was to find Starfire. So much time had elapsed. He felt completely out of the loop, which unsettled him quite a bit. Robin only had fuzzy, dazed memories of watching Starfire cut diagonally across Wildfire's hand and him dribble into the pulpit full of his ancestors blood. He pushed through the door and stumbled into the hallway, falling against the wall to catch his breath a moment. A sharp pain was jolting through him. Just the ribs, he reminded himself. He couldn't remember the last time he had broken so many ribs at once. It may have been a new record. The morning light fell across his face and he welcomed the suns ray. Robin was beginning to wonder when he'd ever see daylight again. It had been less than a week but the young man felt he had lived through an entire lifetime. Robin caught the attention of a passing maid, who told him that Starfire was in the grand library on the eastern wing. It felt like a long trek to him. Every step was painful. He couldn't believe how injured he was. He did his best not to think about it, however, shutting down the memories of his incarceration. Or, really, the fuzzy lack thereof.
When the doors opened, Robin was greeted by utter silence. Several scholars kept their heads down as they studied and recorded history moment by moment. There were tall wall length windows that allowed the room to be drenched in sunlight. As Robin ventured into the spacious room, surrounded by towering gleaming chestnut bookcases, people started to take notice of him. The odd little earthling with incredible endurance. The one with an unusual devotion to Tamaran. Slowly, his hand came up to skim the glossy wood, peering back and forth. Finally, he came to a stop. There was a balcony, full of pots of exquisite foliage that once covered the planet. And sitting on a plush bench was Starfire, a dark red leather journal in her hands. She was wearing a sleeveless purple dress that flowed down her thin figure. Her crimson hair was coiled on her head, with some wisps framing her face. She looked like her again. Her graceful mannerisms, her relaxed nature. Her graceful spirit emanated from her. Robin watched her intently before he went forward, emerging beneath the warming sun.
Starfire gasped sharply, disregarding the book and coming to her feet. "Robin! You are alright!" She surged forward, wrapping her arms around him. He pressed his palms flat to her back, sighing as he tilted his head against her shoulder. He didn't care how much his body hurt. Or how many places ached. It was all worth it if it meant Starfire was okay. "Should you be out of bed so soon?" She asked, drawing herself back to show concerned emerald eyes.
He grinned lightly. "I don't really like laying around in bed."
"Your condition was not good, Robin."
"Yeah, well," Robin brushed past her, going towards the balustrade to look over the vast land. "I think the sunlight is helping." Starfire came to stand beside him and they were quiet for a few beats, listening to the wind whistle across the vacant craters and mountains. Robin's fingers curled around the railing and he glanced towards his friend, whose eyes searched the horizon endlessly. "What happens now, Star?"
"My little brother's ascent has gone smoothly," Starfire reported, a strand of her hair brushing against her cheek. "There is still much more work to do, but he makes for a promising Grand Ruler."
"Does that mean you'll go back to Jump City with us?"
She was quiet for a moment, trying her best to hold her face still, but he could see inkling of sorrow curling up in the corners. "I am afraid it would be premature, Robin. Wildfire has been gone for so long. He was so young... he may not remember all that makes us inherently Tamaranean. If I left now, I worry he would not know all there is that concerns the Grand Ruler."
"Don't you trust that Wildfire will make Tamaran better than it ever was?" Robin straightened his shoulders, feeling as if his heart was going to physically break in his chest. "You'll never have him fully prepared. There are things he will have to learn on his own."
"It has been five years since I have seen him," Starfire kept her eyes forward. "I fear I cannot leave him so soon, Robin."
He turned to her, his hand gripping the railing tightly. "Can you promise me you'll come back? To Jump City. Back to the Teen Titans. We are not whole without you, Star."
The tears were now glistening in her eyes and she also turned to Robin. As she looked at him, it was as if she could see the entirety of her life spent with him. All the early morning breakfasts. The late night donut runs after crime fighting. She remembered the first time she visited the mall and asked Robin what Victoria's secret truly was. She saw his face as he watched her eat a pizza covered in pineapples, jalapenos, and streaks of mustard. All the chats they shared as they laid on the Titans Tower beneath the stars. His patient and tender nature was exactly what she needed if she thought she'd ever be able to survive on earth. Now she questioned if she could survive on Tamaran without him.
"I am sorry, Robin," She shook her head, begging the tears to not fall. "I cannot make promises I fear I cannot keep."
"But Starfire," Robin came forward, taking her slender hands into his. She felt the electricity between their skin and she had to hold her breath a moment. "You're a Teen Titan. You know it in your heart."
"I am also a Tamaranean," She told him gently. "I cannot turn my back on my people, Robin."
"I'm not asking you to," Robin whispered. "I'm asking you to be honest with yourself and what you want. You have to do what you want, Star. You can't let others choose for you."
Tenderly, Starfire's fingers grazed his cheek. "Will you promise me something instead?"
"Anything."
"Please do not judge or blame me for what I decide, Robin."
...
Dinner that night in the castle was different for the Titans. Starfire and Wildfire had made efforts to have normal human food brought to the team of four as they dined in one of the smaller, informal halls in the northern wing of the castle. Beast Boy's eyes lit up when he saw the wobbly tofu blocks placed on the table. And Cyborg nearly began to drool when a rack of ribs found its way near to him. Raven reached forward for the warm kettle full of jasmine tea. The help of the castle seemed as confused and repulsed by the Titan's preferred meals as they were by the Tamaraneans palate. Cyborg heaped spoonful after spoonful of mashed potatoes on his plate. It had been well over a week since the Teen Titans had had a hearty and decent meal. As the steam of the tea rose to Raven's chin, she paused, glancing down the table at the quiet leader who sat with his elbows dug onto the surface, his hands folded together.
"Robin, you need to eat," The young sorceress said. "When is the last time you even did?"
Robin only managed a shrug, staring at a bowl of gravy.
"Not a good time to sabotage yourself," Cyborg shook his head, scraping butter across a dinner roll. "You need the strength."
"Yeah, dude," Beast Boy said, crunching on some boiled asparagus. "Starfire and Wildfire went through all the effort. Who knows where they even got all this food. What's got you so down? You should be thanking your lucky stars you're even alive."
Robin sighed, sinking into the back of his seat. "She might not ever come back to Jump City. We might never see Starfire again."
"That's dramatic," Raven's dark eyes peered at Robin from behind her cup of tea. "We can come to Tamaran if she decides not to come to earth."
"But she won't be a Teen Titan. That's the whole point."
"Robin, man..." Cyborg sighed and stood now, grabbing Robin's empty plate. Like the good friend he was, he began piling plenty of carbs, proteins, and fatty foods onto it. He speared a slice of pork, plopping it down. "Nobody wants to think about the Teen Titans as just a group of four. Especially when we've always been the iconic five. But, y'know... all good things must end..."
"It's premature," Robin's face was hard and he tilted his chin down, ignoring the plate of food placed in front of him. "It's too soon. There's still so much we haven't gotten to do together. And besides, she doesn't want this."
"And who are you to decide that for her?" Raven's voice was calm and even. "Finally, Tamaran has found some form of peace. But a wound does not heal overnight, Robin."
"She's unhappy here," Robin's eyes looked towards his friends tensely. "I think no matter what, she'll always been unhappy on Tamaran."
"Man, listen to yourself!" Beast Boy slammed his hand against the table, making all the silverware jump. "You're acting like you know what's best for Starfire! Like you know her better than she knows herself! She's all of our friend and we'd hate to see her go, but when you love someone, you have to respect their choices!"
"If she stays here and something happens to her, I'll never forgive myself."
"And what's going to happen, Robin?" Beast Boy shot back.
Robin ground his teeth together, the blood in his veins pulsating against his skin. After a moment, he stood and marched out of the dining room.
...
That late evening, Robin sat on the balcony, leaned up against the cool balustrade. The air was nippy and his body still howled in protest. In his hand, the Titans communicator dangled. As he stared at the device, Robin swore he could hear Starfire's voice bouncing around in his head. Robin, what makes mustard yellow and so divinely good? He felt his lips twitch for a moment. The seven over the eleven sells ice drinks. Is the fraction meaningful? Robin let out a sharp sigh, looking between the stony railings at the lifeless land beyond. Robin, when you were working for Slade I was... scared... Scared because I did not trust you. And scared because I thought I had lost you forever...
Robin closed his eyes and tilted his head back. He felt like he was going crazy. He didn't know how to stop himself. Where was this intense barrage of feelings coming from? Had he been kicked in the head too hard? Of course, Robin knew he always had some form of feelings for Starfire. But never had he faced the possibility of losing her. What if he never got to tell her how he felt? Robin worried he didn't even know how to put the words in proper order. He let out another sigh, shaking his head. He felt pathetic. Lower than low. He lead the Teen Titans, had traveled the world fighting crime and bettering himself, yet all it took was this red headed Tamaranean girl to tongue tie him and knock him off his feet. It came at a grave cost, too. He was isolating himself and driving wedges between him and his other friends. Robin wanted to say it was all for good reason, but he just didn't know anymore.
After a moment of hesitation, he brought the communicator towards him, clicking the button in. "Starfire... it's me... Robin..."
Two floors above and in the southern wing, Starfire sat in her royal chambers, staring at herself in the reflection of her vanity. When she heard the crackle of her communicator, she gasped sharply and crossed the room to where it sat on the night table beside her bed. Starfire pressed her hands to her chest, staring at it forlornly.
"Star... I..." Robin closed his eyes and sighed heavily into the communicator. "I'm sorry. For everything. You could have been killed. It would have been all my fault. I'm sure your people see me as a disgrace. I'd do anything to get my point across, even if murder is what it took. You don't have to forgive me for who I've been for the past week. I just want you to know how sorry I am..." Robin paused for a moment, looking at the moons in the star clustered sky. Slowly, he licked his lips. "Tamaran is beautiful, Starfire. Even today, years after the Gordanian Invasion. What plants the castle has strove to save... the architecture... Tamaran is unique. And I know this is your home..." He paused again, staring at the communicator. "We're flying home tomorrow. Even if you don't go with us, Star, you're still a Teen Titan. An honorary one. You're more than just a hero, Starfire. You're... my best friend." He waited a beat, but still, no one responded. "Good night, Star."
Up in the royal chambers, Starfire seated herself on the edge of the bed with her wet eyes. The intense emotions she felt were unlike anything else. It was as if everything was finally catching up to Starfire. Grief, exhaustion, betrayal, relief, dread, love... they all mixed together into a confusing display inside her mind. Why couldn't it all just be easy, she wanted to argue. Galfore, of course, would have chuckled deeply by that spoiled exclamation. Majority of things in life are worth fighting for. But Starfire didn't know what to fight for anymore. The tug of war inside her mind was not leaning favorably either way. She had missed Tamaran, that much was true. But she worried her longing for Robin would eventually eat her away. How would she know she was making the right choice? What if she was doing something gravely wrong? She tore her eyes away from the communicator, hugging herself, as she paced her room.
Robin dug his elbows into the balustrade and let out a huff. The gentle night breeze brushed his dark hair across his forehead. He ran his hands together and shook his head. What a mess, he told himself. How much bigger of an idiot could he make himself? "Robin?" He looked over his shoulder to see Raven standing in the doorway. In her hands, she carried a silver tray cluttered with a tea set and small biscuits. "Do you need some company?"
"You here to remind me of what an idiot I've been?" He asked, looking back out into the distance.
"No," Raven came beside him, setting the tray on a table. She handed Robin a steaming cup of tea. "I've come to be a friend. You need one."
Robin was quiet for a few moments as the steam coated his chin. He then sighed. "I'm sorry, Raven. I don't know what's gotten into me."
"I do," Raven was calm and collected as usual. Her purple hair lifting in the wind. "You love her, Robin. And from what I've heard... love makes you do stupid things."
"She's my best friend."
"They're not mutually exclusive," Raven's onyx eyes landed on the side of his face.
"I don't know what to do, Raven," He shook his head now, setting his tea cup on the balustrade. "It feels like I'm losing her and the Teen Titans all at once."
"I'll admit, it will be weird not having Starfire around," Raven's voice was raspy and even. "But me, Cyborg, and Beast Boy aren't going anywhere, Robin. We're still here."
"I know... I'm sorry," Robin looked to his dear friend. He nodded after a moment, reaching for his tea cup. "It's funny... I feel like together we all really have faced several instances where it was the end of the world. I don't remember being that scared. But for some odd reason, Raven, this scares the hell out of me."
Raven looked out over the land covered in twilight as she took her time relishing in her jasmine tea. Her slender fingers grasped the tea cup tightly. "It's hard when you feel like you have no control. It's innate of us to want to be able to handle every situation on our own terms. And I know you, Robin... you don't like losing. And you don't like not being the leader. It's your way or the highway and right now... it's not up to you."
"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you're always reading my thoughts."
"Only when I'm worried about you."
After a beat, they shared a weak grin between each other.