Chapter Nineteen
Six weeks later...
Robin stood crouched on the edge of a building, his cape drenching his body. The wind ran through his dark hair as he waited patiently, his eyes scanning the web of alleyways down below. The sky was a mixture of purples and blues as twilight began to break through the evening. Robin's fingers curled around the edge of the roof, the chilly rock seeping through his gloves. The past month and a half of life back in Jump City had been very weird in the first few days. When Beast Boy set the table for dinner, he still accidentally set a place for Starfire. Sometimes when the Titans were piling into the T-Car, Cyborg found himself alone in the front seat because everyone else had remembered it was Starfire's turn to sit shot gun. The tower certainly wasn't as vibrant anymore and pancakes had been effectively banned during grocery trips. It hadn't been an official declaration. Suddenly, everyone who did their share of the shopping never dared to buy the mixture anymore, despite it having been a pantry staple for years. Slowly, though, the now four person team was finding their groove again. Jump City still needed them.
"Robin, he's headed your way. Eastbound," Cyborg's voice rang out from his belt. Robin craned his neck, gazing the direction Cyborg had indicated.
After a few moments, sure enough, Johnny Rancid came around the corner, his boots beating wildly to the ground. Slung across his chest, a duffel bag was bobbing against his hips. The old motorcycle punk had been seen across a span of six blocks breaking into several ATM's. The Titans job at this point was to recover all the stolen money. When they had pulled up on Johnny Rancid, before he even had time to react, Raven had lifted her hand and with one flick of her wrist, had sent Johnny's motorcycle swirling in the air towards the river at the end of the street. This had angered him and now, he wasn't stopping. Robin swung his legs over the edge and scaled down the wall, leaping right into Johnny's path. The criminal came to a grinding halt, his shoulders rising and falling heavily.
"Stop with the running, Johnny," Robin told him. "You're not getting away. Now, are we doing it the easy way? Or the hard way?" Slowly, he reached beneath his cape and withdrew his wand, extending it full size and holding it at his side.
"I deserve it after that goth bitch hurled my bike into the river!" He sneered, spit flying from his lips as he shook with anger.
"You don't deserve anything but a comfy jail cell."
Johnny Rancid smiled after a moment, his shoulder bobbing with chuckles. "You're just asking for a hospital bed. What kind of idiot brings a rod to a gun fight?" In the next moment, his glock was pulled from the back of his belt and he cocked it, staring Robin down darkly. "Too bad we're not on our bikes. You remember what happened last time, little birdy, don't you?"
"It ends here, Johnny," Robin's stance widened and with quick reflexes, he reached at his belt, throwing his Birdarang at rapid speed. The wings engaged, cutting with precise accuracy through the thick leather straps of Johnny's duffel. The hefty bag slumped to the ground and Johnny was somewhat stunned at first before he looked back to Robin.
"Damn you, Teen Titans," He yelled before he lifted his gun and aimed it directly at Robin. Within a split second, the bullet was spiraling towards him. With lightning fast intentions, Robin pressed himself to the grimy wall of the alley. But Johnny shot again. He swung his rod in front of him, deflecting the bullet before he surged forward, attempting to knock the gun from his hand. Johnny backpedaled and used his hefty boot to kick the deflated duffel bag forward. It momentarily caught Robin's attention, giving the motorcyclist a chance to whiplash the young man with the gun, sending him staggering against the wall with a split eyebrow. Johnny raced forward, lifting the heavy bag under his arm and turning back to Robin rapidly. The leader of the Teen Titans had been coming towards him with great fury, but came to a grinding halt as Johnny Rancid's gun was pressed to his temple. The cool steel stung his skin as Robin's shoulders rose and fell. Johnny Rancid smiled, also breathing sharply. "I've never had you this much over a barrel, little birdy. Just imagine... one little twitch of my finger and it's bye-bye."
Robin kept his face composed as his eyes stared down the length of the glock. "You're not the first one whose put a gun to my head."
"And why didn't they splatter your brains all across the pavement?" Johnny's rigid voice asked, still somewhat smug.
Robin was silent for a moment. "Because if I splattered my brains all across the pavement... I'd never prove anyone from my past that they were wrong about me." Johnny seemed taken off guard for a moment before Robin let out a yell, springing forward to take Johnny's legs out from underneath him. Johnny's chin hit the ground as he sprawled out, the bag of money landing just out of reach. His gun skidded forward until Robin put his foot on top of it. Johnny Rancid looked to Robin, his eyebrows quivering. The young leader's face was much darker than he'd ever seen. Slowly, Robin reached down and grabbed the gun, giving it another cock and aiming it downward.
"You wouldn't do it!" Johnny said, unmoving beneath the gun. "You're supposed to be a hero, not a murderer!"
"Are they mutually exclusive, though?" Robin cocked his head to the side, his finger now coming to curl around the trigger. "Can loss of life not happen when trying to stop the mayhem?" Johnny scraped against the dirty concrete of the alleyway but Robin's precise arm continued to follow him. Johnny's elbows began to bleed as he drew his hand over the duffel bag. "Why are you even still trying, Johnny? You could be dead any moment. And yet you keep pushing your luck."
"I know you won't kill me," Johnny sneered. "This is all just some stupid bluff."
"Is it, though?" Robin lifted his chin, still holding the gun firmly. "How can you be sure this isn't a murder-suicide?" In the next beat, Robin pressed the barrel directly to his forehead. "Maybe I've got nothing to lose, Johnny."
"What the hell..." Johnny was breathless, watching the very serious young man. Robin's face was absolutely stone hard, dried blood crusted across his forehead.
"Robin!" In the next beat, darkness encased the gun and the duffel bag, snapping them out of the scene. Johnny Rancid took it as his chance to flee and whirled around, nearly breaking his nose as he collided with Cyborg's rock hard body. Behind him, red and blue lights began flashing in angles, along with the clatter of shoes to the pavement. Johnny sunk back to the ground with a bloodied nose, given up on any future escape. Robin looked over his shoulder now, seeing a very serious and pensive looking Raven staring back at him.
...
"Rrngh! Argh! Ugh!" Robin was panting as he bounced around the punching bag that evening. He still felt like he had so much pent up rage inside of him and no matter what he did, he could never truly exert it all. It had been like that since they had returned from Tamaran. At first, Robin felt so bottomlessly empty. Robin didn't how he'd ever pick up the pieces of himself without her. He couldn't even think of her name without wanting to turn blue. Eventually, though, as the weeks began to pick up momentum, Robin felt a rage inside of him mounting. It was in no way directed at her, he swore to himself as his veins sizzled beneath his skin. He was angry with himself. He had an arsenal of life experiences beneath his belt, but really it was all for nothing if he could never truly tap into that and utilize it. Simply put, Robin had failed. He had let Starfire slip right through his fingers and for what? His nonsensical desire to be pertained as cool, collected, and serious? Well, Robin didn't want to be that person if it meant losing what he loved. "Huh-augh!" Robin gave the punching bag a devastating blast and, for a moment, it almost toppled over. He was panting heavily as he turned away from his training. He was wearing a baggy white t-shirt with basketball shorts. His black hair was messy and unkempt on his head as he panted and began unwinding his hand wraps. He paused, however, when he realized Raven was standing by the weight racks, her arms crossed over her chest, and her onyx eyes intense. "How long have you been there?" Robin asked, breathlessly, tossing the wraps into a basket.
"Long enough," Her voice was full of tension. Robin only glanced to her before he turned his back and began stretching and rolling his shoulders. She sighed and reminded herself to calm down as slowly she came closer to him. Robin crossed his arm over his chest, extending his elbow out to pop his back. "Robin... I... I suppose I'm confused."
"About what?" Robin sounded flat and so unlike himself. He began reaching towards his toes.
Raven licked her lips and let out another huff, watching as Robin continued with his stretching. When he straightened back up again, she reached for his arm, gripping it tenderly. "What happened this evening?"
"What do you mean?" His voice was somewhat hoarse, his eyes darting to her slender fingers that grasped him.
"When Beast Boy and I came around the corner... Robin, you had a gun to your head. What do you think you were doing?"
"I was distracting Johnny Rancid until you guys could get the police there," Robin walked out of her grasp and grabbed a freshly folded towel from the rack. He looked to her in the reflection of the mirror, where she still only stared after him in near disbelief. "I wasn't going to chase him through all the alleyways. That never would have ended. And I wasn't about to put more than half a million dollars at stake like that." He ran the towel through his hair.
"You pointed a gun at him," Raven said, rather blandly, as if she was still trying to process it.
"So what?" Robin turned around now, clenching his jaw. "It's not like I shot at him. It was a defense tactic, Raven. Did you forget the time I was dodging his bullets and broke my arm on my motorcycle?"
"But what makes us different, Robin, is that we never stoop to their level, no matter how much we think it would feed our ego or make us feel good," Raven held her arms out at her side, her dark cloak falling back from her thin body. "We don't use violent, life-ending measures. We use mitigation, Robin. You of all people should know that. It's the very thing you've preached since we've formed the Teen Titans." She didn't know what he was thinking as a silence fell between them. Robin draped his towel over his shoulder and simply turned away, walking towards the door. "Robin, wait," Raven called after him, hot on his trail. "Robin, please. I'm... we're worried about you."
Robin stopped at the door and looked over his shoulder at Raven, who was only inches away from him. "You don't have to worry about me, Raven. I'm fine."
"No. You're not," Raven's voice was forceful. "And you know how I know, Robin? That barrier. That rock solid wall of ten foot cement."
"What are you talking about?" He furrowed his brow.
"That's what your mind is like now. Before this entire ordeal, you were open and honest and emotionally available. Now, your mind is like a prison wall, covered in barbed wire with a thunderstorm rumbling overhead. It's misery in your mind, Robin."
Robin bobbed his head for a moment. "It's none of your concern, Raven. I'm fine," his voice was no more than a whisper. A beat later, he had disappeared down the hallway.
...
Starfire still was having trouble getting re-accustomed to all the high vaulted ceilings and huge dining rooms that were empty and spacious. After a month and a half, she was deeply craving mustard, Monkey Karts, and most of all, her friends. Wildfire's ascension had been smoother than she thought. Maybe the absences of Yalfore and Blackfire made it easier. As she watched her younger brother assume the duties they had both watched their parents carry out, he began talking about the future. A wife for himself. A few children. Tamaranean expansion. Greenhouses to nourish the lost fauna of the planet. More available education. New business districts. Anything to help flourish Tamaran. And when he grandly talked about this to his older sister, these visions always included Starfire. How he promised to do everything different from Blackfire. Starfire would have choice of her husband. He talked about how their future offspring would be friends and the Tamaranean throne would be secure and strong. That afternoon lunch on the balcony was no different as Wildfire went on about how once the greenhouses had finished construction to the east, he would set sights on searching for a wife to sit beside him. Starfire was somewhat deflated as she listened to her brother jabber on and on. While she was hopeful for the future of Tamaran, she couldn't help but think she did not belong there after all. As more plans and greater healing was taking place, Starfire was finding it harder to be honest with her brother about her desire to leave. She was drowning in guilt, but one time Beast Boy had told her 'the heart wants what it wants'.
"I want someone even stronger than mother was," Wildfire was saying, overjoyed to be back on his home planet. "Both emotionally and physically." Starfire was quiet as she brought a drink to her lips. It hovered, though, as she thought back to over a month ago, when life hadn't made sense, and she thought she was a goner. "Sister?" Wildfire said for the second time, snapping Starfire from her trance, shaking her head.
"Oh, I am sorry," Starfire said, putting the drink down, unable to will herself to drink from it. "I believe what you envision is most welcoming to the future of Tamaran."
"What about yourself?" Wildfire grinned from where he speared a wiggly creature on his plate. "What will you look for in a man?"
Her emerald eyes were gleaming now as she looked out over the balcony at the nothingness that surrounded them. The desert reminded her of the loneliness she felt every single night since her friends had left. She pursed her lips. "I suppose I have never thought about it... here..." She added as a murmur on the end.
"Come again, dear sister?" Wildfire furrowed his brow and leaned in.
"Brother... would it be wrong of a Tamaranean such as myself to... love a human being...?" Starfire felt herself shrinking in her seat.
Wildfire raked his crimson hair back from his face and squinted towards the sky before, slowly, he began to nod. "You speak of... Robin...?" The very name seemed to burn her and she nearly recoiled at it. Starfire couldn't help the welling tears and she turned her face away. Wildfire set his silverware down. "I suppose I could understand, sister..." He said. Starfire's breath hitched in her throat and slowly she looked over her shoulder. "I only question his quality of life on Tamaran."
Starfire squeezed her eyes shut in the next moment, the tears finally finding their way free. She looked to her brother with her wet face. "What if..." She inhaled deeply. "I am not talking about us on Tamaran?"
Wildfire was silent for a moment, staring at his meal before he looked to Starfire who was silently crying in her seat. "You think earth is better than Tamaran?"
"I do not think that at all," Starfire was quick to burst out. "I just... you must know, brother, I spent many years of my life there and I have... come to appreciate it."
"But what benefits do earthlings bring to us?"
Starfire inhaled deeply, pressing a handkerchief to her nose as the tears continued to fall. "Brother, you cannot be under the assumption the humans wants to harm us..."
"It is too early to know truly the planets intentions."
"Brother!" Starfire stood up now, her chair scraping away from her. "The earthlings do not not even know about us! Only my friends." She threw her linen down and backed towards the door. "My friends risked their lives to save my planet because they care for me! They care for our people! How could you forget that in a months time after your sincere gratitude towards them?!"
"Koriand'r..." Slowly, Wildfire came to his feet. "All I am wanting is to keep things inherently Tamaranean, like Mother and Father would want. It is in your best interest to readjust to Tamaran... and quickly."
"How could you say that?" She whispered, shaking her head. "After you said you wanted to do better than Blackfire, you are doing nothing different..." Starfire spilled through the door in the next moment without waiting to hear from him and bolted forward, her tears flying off her eyes. She raced straight towards the next veranda, ignoring her brother's cries and the soldiers now rising in her wake. Starfire burst through the next french doors and leapt from the balcony. At first, she fell, as all her anguish washed around her. But next, Robin filled her thoughts and she lifted, shooting straight out of the atmosphere of Tamaran.
Outer space was deadly silent. Starfire released her muscles and allowed herself to simply cycle through the emptiness. Slowly she turned her head, seeing earth not too far away. Robin... She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, her tears bubbling out into space. Surely you've moved on... you don't need me... Nobody does... Starfire continued to hang limp in space, content to wherever gravitational space wanted to send her. Humiliation and anguish plagued her now as she drifted endlessly. Her only solace was being away from her home planet, though the ever present shame grappled her and she struggled with her identity. She felt content enough to hang through the vacuum, her thoughts deflated of anything, her body pining for things she could not have.
...
The next morning, Robin gelled his hair up and began making his way towards the living space. It was Saturday and he ground his teeth together. His whole body was tense as the doors hissed open before him. Raven was tucked in the eating nook with a cup of tea and a book. Beast Boy was sitting at the breakfast bar, watching with great intent as Cyborg cooked a hearty meal that sizzled away on the stove. Still, there were no pancakes. When the Titans realized he was there, they all paid more attention.
"Robin!" Beast Boy greeted, memories of a gun pointed at his head flashing through his mind. "You gotta help me eat all these eggs!" Robin said nothing.
"BB is right," Cyborg looked over his shoulder from the oven. "I think I made too many!" Still, no answer. The two men looked to Raven, who pursed her lips. She looked to the unmoving leader in the doorway.
"Robin, come have tea with me," She said, softly. When Robin's body drifted that way, Raven lifted her hand and beckoned the tea kettle and cups their direction. Robin sank down onto the booth beside her and she poured his mug, pushing it towards him. Robin glanced towards the breakfast brewing in the kitchen before he sighed and lowered his chin to relish in the steam. Raven's onyx eyes observed him gently. It didn't take long for Cyborg to be sliding long platters of eggs, bacon, toast, and assorted fruits onto the table. He always preached a hearty breakfast made a stronger team. Beast Boy and Cyborg joined the other two at the table. As Beast Boy reached to scrape fruit onto his plate, Robin spoke and made him pause.
"I know you're all probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me..." Robin lowered his chin and looked at the unappetizing breakfast. "I guess I'm even wondering it about myself."
Now, no one made a move to touch the breakfast. Beast Boy timidly lowered his fork. "Dude... I can't get that image of you with the gun out of my head. Would you have really done it...?"
Robin furrowed his brow, as if he were ashamed. "Back before the Teen Titans... I thought about it. I was going through a really rough time in life."
"What happened before you became a Teen Titan?" Cyborg asked and in that moment, everyone in the room realized they knew very little of Robin's past life. And he didn't seem very keen on telling them.
Robin drank his tea slowly and then let out a long sigh, rubbing his forehead. "I grew up in Gotham. My family was in the entertainment business until I was twelve... before a mobster killed my parents over an anger for money. Someone saved my life, though, and made me into Robin."
"Who?" Raven furrowed her brow.
Robin refused to look at anyone, instead staring directly at a gleaming yellow egg yolk. "... Batman..."
"Batman?" Beast Boy pressed his palms to the table. "The Batman?"
"Yeah," Robin said, in a trance as his past began catching up to him. "The one and only..."
"What made you come to Jump City? Dude's the big leagues of crime fighting," Cyborg shook his head. Robin closed his eyes and sighed. "I mean... you don't have to talk about it, man. We're not trying to pressure you. We just want to help."
"Well... if Starfire can confront her past and face all her demons and still stand for what she believes in... then so can I," Robin said, lifting his eyes to look at his team." And, for me, that starts on December 13th over five years ago. The first time I'd ever heard the name Tony Zucco..."