Chapter Twenty-One
When Starfire opened her eyes, she didn't know where she was or how far she had drifted. As she lifted her head, looking around at dizzying stars and colorful planets surrounding her, she didn't recognize a thing. There was no earth nor Tamaran. She sighed into the empty vacuum of space, still resigned to simply floating. She didn't have the energy or desire to stop herself. Starfire huffed and hung her head back, counting the numerous stars hanging over her. When Starfire had been traded as a prisoner of war to the Gordanians and she sat in that turbulent, dark room on their ship, she wondered how she could ever be happy again. Of course, in her stewing bitterness and anxiety, Starfire saw it as the end of her life. Her slender fingers laced over her stomach as the space around her continued to suck her in towards the unknown. It was interesting how life could take such an unexpected turn. When Yalfore's letter arrived announcing Galfore's death, in a way, Starfire felt exactly the same as she did when she was boarded onto the Gordanian ship. All she could think about was how much she truly did not want to leave earth. She loved earth. It was her home.
Starfire felt frustration bubbling in her as she crossed her legs and dug her elbows into her knees, cradling her head in her palms. She knew she couldn't run away from who she truly was. Starfire would never deny her Tamaranean heritage or forget all the little things that made her innately Koriand'r. There was just something about earth, however, that had grown so large in her heart. She felt an affinity for the planet that no longer felt strange or foreboding. She felt safe there. She felt like she belonged. And for Starfire, that's all she wanted in life. Though her childhood hadn't been prone to too much unhappiness, her entire view felt so shaken. But even in that moment, she was lost on where she belonged any longer. She didn't want Tamaran. And earth didn't want her. What was she to do with herself now? Starfire closed her eyes, the sound of absolutely nothing ringing through her ears. There was nothing around her. There was nobody to talk it through with. And Starfire was not welcoming to all the intruding thoughts in her mind in that moment. But suddenly, her eyes were wide open, her heart thudding in her chest, as she thought she heard a sound amongst the deep space. She looked over her shoulder, her crimson hair lifting. She gasped sharply, putting her hands over her mouth. It was Blackfire.
"Star... fire..." Her voice was hoarse and weak. Blackfire looked awful. Cuts and bruises covered her olive skin. Globs of blood drifted in her wake, her clothes ripped and tugged loose on her wiry body. One of her eyes were swollen shut, her skin crusty, her lips busted.
"Sister!" Starfire darted towards her, her hands hovering just above her sore shoulders. "What has happened to you?"
Blackfire's breathing was shallow and full of agony. "Yalfore... that's what happened."
Starfire's emerald eyes glistened as she looked at the poor state of her sister. "Is he...?"
"Dead? Yes," Blackfire said. "But he sure put up one hell of a fight..."
"We must get you aid," Starfire told her, looking all around the desolate space around her. To be quite honest, she didn't know which direction to head for earth or Tamaran. They were far beyond the Vegan System. "There must be someone around who can help you, sister."
"It's too late," Blackfire limply waved her hand and shook her head. "What are you even doing out here, Starfire? Shouldn't you be on Tamaran helping with the ascension?"
"All has gone smoothly, Sister," Starfire assured her, gently taking her hand so they wouldn't drift apart. Even the soft gesture made Blackfire wince. "I just... needed to get away."
"Well, you're a long way from earth."
Starfire pursed her lips, gazing towards the sparkling stars that surrounded them. "Earth was not my destination..."
Blackfire's glazed and swollen eyes looked to her sister for a beat before she smiled, bearing her blood stained teeth. "Taking after your older sister, huh? You're now just some listless soul with no place to call home?"
Starfire lowered her eyes, her eyelashes fluttering. "I suppose... for the time being. I do not know where I belong in my own life anymore, Sister."
"Well," Blackfire raised her chin as her onyx hair floated around her. "Do you want to be apart of the end of mine?"
"Sister, you are not going to die," Starfire said, firmly. "Please, let us get you help."
"Look around, Starfire. We're no where. Even if there is life down on those planets, they won't speak the same language and they'll either be afraid of us or hostile. It's over for me." She turned her head away. "I've accepted it. You should, too."
Starfire's heart thundered in her chest. How could it be that in a matter of three months, her life had taken such a turn for the worse? How had everything gone so horribly, horribly wrong? Starfire wished she had never checked the mailbox. She could have changed everything, she thought. Starfire pursed her lips and again looked everywhere before spying a small planet below. "You cannot die just floating in space, Sister. Look, there is a planet. It seems to be quite lush with fauna. Let us go there together." Starfire wrapped her arm around Blackfire's waist, slowly directing her that way.
"You know... I don't understand you," Blackfire said, shaking her head.
"What do you mean?"
"For all the grief I've given you that spans a lifetime," Blackfire tilted her head back, her vision woozy as the galaxy passed her by. "The fact I tried to have you killed just so I could have what was never mine... and yet, you still want to help me. You still care for me. Why? I can't say I'd feel or act the same way if I were in your shoes."
"You are my sister, Blackfire," Starfire replied, watching the small planet grow larger and larger. "We may have our differences, but that does not change our connection."
"Never thought you'd be the person with me when I died."
"I still do not believe you are going to die."
"There's nothing you'll be able to do about it, Starfire."
The sister's became silent in the next beat as they descended into the planets atmosphere and navigated through a lush canopy of trees.
...
The moon was high in the sky, but Robin didn't feel an ounce of sleepiness. In fact, he made himself a cup of coffee before he headed to the roof of the tower. The door slammed loudly behind him and he looked at the platform covered in slanted moonlight as a chill came over him. There were dozens of nights that he and Starfire shared together here. Now to be alone without even the option of her joining him rattled him to his bones. Slowly, he crossed to their normal spot and sank down, looking at the full milky moon as he sipped his warm, steaming coffee. Almost two months with no contact from Starfire. He felt like he was going crazy. Though, at the same time he felt catatonic. In the span of eight weeks, his life was utterly upside down. When his parents died and Batman took him in, Robin swore to himself he'd never lose control ever again. But that was a foolish wish, he realized, as he stared at the moon. The universe controlled everything and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Robin lowered his eyes to his black coffee. No sugar, no cream. It was bitter, but that's how he liked it. In that moment, he needed a desperate reminder of what life truly was. Robin wanted to re-calibrate himself; realign with everything he once was. He felt he had eclipsed, but like the moon, surely the light side of things would return. He shuddered, however, as again Starfire crossed his mind. What was she doing up there? Was she finding life fulfilling, more so than it ever was on earth? Robin furrowed his brow as he peered just beyond the edge of the moon. That's where she had told him to search for Tamaran. The planet twinkled with a hint of purple. There it was thousands of miles away. It was as if he was staring at his own heart, completely out of reach.
How could this be, he wondered, shivering as he sipped his coffee, his eyes never tearing away from the glistening planet. Robin used to feel like the luckiest guy in the world when Starfire had been around. He had relished so deeply in her camaraderie, her friendliness, her desire to learn and understand. She was, to Robin, absolutely flawless. How could it be that Robin was in love with someone that he simply couldn't have? And how was he just letting that passively define him now? A year ago, he would have been kicking and screaming. He paused, though, looking towards his arms. The small fleshy scars from Yalfore's charged lightning bolts could be seen glimmering in the milky moonlight. He had kicked and screamed. But it just wasn't good enough. Robin shook his head as his fingers curled around his coffee mug. How dearly he just wanted to hear her harmonious voice. See the glow of her orange skin and radiance of her crimson hair. It was hard starting each morning knowing he wouldn't find her in the common space. It seared him every time he looked over to see an empty seat where she should have been. Robin would gladly eat pancakes smothered in crystallized sugar, mustard, and jams every day for the rest of his life if it just meant that Starfire could be with him. He craved to hear her beautiful voice. It was getting increasingly difficult to make it through his days without it. Robin closed his eyes, willing her to manifest from his mind. She couldn't be just a memory. Starfire had a definitive part in his life. In the darkness behind his eyes, as he could see were a lifetime of memories flooding past him. What was only four years in real time, felt like decades of a deep seated comfort and now terrible regret.
"Robin."
He was startled in that next moment, sending his coffee mug over the edge of the tower where it hurled into the rocks at record speed. Robin's heart was pounding in his chest as he looked over his shoulder to see Wildfire. His crimson hair was windblown and his purple royal garb wavered in the night breeze. Robin was slow to come to his feet, his eyes never leaving the Lost King of Tamaran. "Wildfire? What are you doing here?"
"Starfire. She's missing. Did she come here?"
"Missing?" Robin felt his insides blanching and a cold sweat break out on the nape of his neck. His hands curled into fists. "No. She didn't come here. How long has she been gone?"
"A few days," Wildfire turned his emerald eyes on the moon. "We... had an argument and she left. I assumed she only needed a few days to cool down, but... she never returned."
Robin reached to his belt and withdrew his communicator. Just before he activated the panic button, he paused and stared at Wildfire. "An argument? About what?"
Wildfire looked to him now. His eyes did not let onto anything. "One of love."
...
Wildfire held his hands behind his back as, with record speed, the four Titans convened in the common room. The young Tamaranean couldn't help but gawk around at the massive structure. So much room, so many windows. It seemed quite comfortable. Starfire must have been very happy living with her friends in a tower of so many accommodations. Robin was seated at the command console which zapped onto the large TV overhead. Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy didn't even dare sit down. They stared with intent, pensive faces, as Robin tapped through several controls, screens whizzing by. Cyborg had updated the system to show beyond the Vegan System when they returned. Robin's eyes darted everywhere on the console as he slowly panned about through the galaxies.
"Her communicator isn't on Tamaran," the leader said, still with his back to everyone. "That means she left with it. But I'm not seeing it anywhere. The last place it pinged was four hundred meters from Tamaran. And that was two days ago."
"Well, the galaxy is massive," Beast Boy shook his head. "She could be anywhere."
"I'm not very certain our devices can even communicate if someone is beyond the known galaxy of Vegan," Cyborg said, tapping through the screen on his own arm. "I only had so much technology and knowledge when I built them. If someone is beyond the Vegan System, I seriously doubt we could track them."
"Raven?" Robin looked over the chair now, eying the dark sorceress. "Do you think you could try finding her?"
"I can try," Raven was slow to reply, her purple hair framing her face. "Starfire and I still share an aura bond from when we swapped bodies. It's not as strong as ours, though. I'm worried I won't be able to lock onto her trail. You'll have to give me some time."
"We have to start now," Robin came to his feet. He freed his communicator from his waist and tossed it towards Cyborg, who deftly caught it. "Cyborg, try bulking my communicator up into a new prototype. We have to make it stronger to try and ping Starfire's location. Our communicators have their own special frequency. If you can make it strong enough, we might be able to get her general location. Beast Boy, make sure the T-Ship is ready to engage. Oxygen levels, fuel levels, check them all."
"What are you going to do?" Wildfire approached the back of the couch and was hesitant to touch its rather velvety surface.
"I'm going to keep checking the map. Any clue I can get on her direction might help us save time. Every second matters in the beginning of a missing person's search and we have no time to waste," Robin's cape flared behind him as he seated himself without waiting a beat. The three Titans looked to each other and nodded, knowing how absolutely important this was. Wildfire watched with great interest as Beast Boy and Cyborg raced off towards the work station and T-Ship on the sub floors. His eyebrows arched as Raven tucked her legs beneath her and began floating, closing her eyes with great focus.
The Titans were a valuable resource. And they cared more than anyone Wildfire had ever known.
...
The dead silence of space was suffocating to Raven. It brought a pressure into her temples as she endlessly span in circles, unsure if she was moving forward or just going around and around on the same trail. In the distance, she could see earth and with one spin, she was looking at the vibrant white planet splattered in purples that was Starfire's home planet. Having only her eyes to rely on with no physical semblance certainly hindered the sorceresses task, but she focused intently, keeping her aura strong and brightly burning in the vast galaxy. As she turned away from Tamaran, she spied an orange aura. That must be the communicator ping Robin was talking about... As she wandered towards it, the color began to fade. But with luck, another dot a few meters away began to glow. Earnestly, Raven's spirit charged forward, hopping orange beam to orange beam. They began growing further apart and they were grower dimmer by each one. The communicator was reaching the end of its parameters as it drifted beyond its range. As Raven came to the final one, she was only left to stare beyond into eternal darkness littered with glowing stars. Their aura bond wasn't strong enough. Raven could only curse the limitations of her powers. She wanted to believe that after all the hard times and good moments she and her friends shared that'd be able to transcend space and time for them in their time of need. Slowly, she wondered forward from the last remaining glow and then stopped abruptly.
Surely you've moved on... you don't need me... Nobody does...
Starfire?
Raven continued forward to the abyss before her.
After all the this time... I have always wanted to just belong somewhere. Why is that so difficult?
Raven tried to follow the voice in the depths of the galaxy.
What is it about me that struggles to find the comfort? The conformity. Everyone makes it look so easy...
Starfire! Starfire, it's Raven! Where are you?
I have no where to be... no where to go. Will I ever...?
The voice stopped abruptly and Raven halted herself, again alone in the vast space. Her view shifted every direction, trying to recapture the sound of her friend's voice. Starfire! Starfire! But everything was silent. And Tamaran was no more than a speck in the distance.
...
The wheels on the cart creaked loudly as Beast Boy pushed oxygen tanks towards the T-Ship. He glanced at Cyborg who was bent over his workbench, busy undoing little screws and opening the back of Robin's communicator. He held it up towards the lamp hanging overhead, narrowing his eyes at the little motherboard and configurations. Beast Boy hooked the tubes to the T-Ship and crossed his arms over his chest, tapping his foot, as he watched the gauge begin to rise. When would things be right again, he wondered. He looked to Cyborg once more, but he was in his own world as he pulled a soldering gun out and began looking over extra electrical components. Beast Boy sighed, focusing on the oxygen gauge on the T-Ship. Once it reached capacity, he capped it and then grabbed the clipboard off the wall to begin the outside check. Signs of rust? None. Fuel levels? Nearly full. Interlocking mechanism test? Beast Boy reached for the emergency lever on the edge and gave it a push. The five portions of the T-Ship became dis-aligned, as normal. Done. He checked the list as he cranked them back together and they clicked. Beast Boy paused and cocked his head back. Directly in front of him was Starfire's section of the spacecraft. He felt his heart wilting in that moment.
"Do you think she's alright?" Beast Boy blurted out suddenly.
Cyborg paused and pushed his safety glasses back, looking over his shoulder at his small friend. "Starfire's strong. She can take care of herself."
"But for how long?" Beast Boy turned towards Cyborg, holding the clipboard out at his side. "With everything that's happened... grief changes you, Cyborg."
His friend looked back to his work station, looking over his work on connecting a new stellar communication board that hung awkwardly off the circular shape of the communicator.
"Yeah, well... we gotta have hope, don't we? Starfire is no stranger to space. We'll find her, BB."
"I sure hope so," Beast Boy turned to the T-Ship, gripping the clipboard tightly. "There's a lot at stake..."
"Are you referring to Robin?" Cyborg asked as he lined another piece up and began melting the metal to connect it.
"All of us," Beast Boy said, staring blankly at the half-finished check list. "But Robin most of all. If something happens to Starfire... will any of us be able to forgive ourselves?"
Cyborg pressed two circuit boards together, looking to the screen on his arm to program them. He paused, though, his finger hovering over the screen. All kinds of scenarios crossed his mind but he pursed his lips and shook his head. "Try to think positive, Beast Boy. It's all we can do."
...
Robin's eyes endlessly scanned the screen as he directed the cursor quadrant by quadrant, going from every direction Starfire could have from her last ping. Raven's face in her meditation was contorted deep in concentration. Wildfire had been standing in utter silence for the last thirty minutes. He wandered around the room, looking at their modern kitchen and wondering what GameCubes and Playstations were used for. He noticed on the fridge several newspaper clippings stuck to the door. May 1st Declared Teen Titans Day, the True Mayday. Robin Boy Wonder: The Leader of a State in Emergency. The Teen Titans Reduce Crime by 68% in One Year. Raven of the Teen Titans: The Talented Muser and Poet. In the grainy photos, Wildfire could see his sister crammed between her friends, beaming at the camera. He straightened up, gazing around the large, silent room once again. His sister had made such an impact on earth. He could only feel regret for how he spoke to her, still haunted by the fear inherently birthed into him. His sister had cracked the code. She had crossed the red tape and found something good. Wildfire could only wish he was as bold as Starfire.
Slowly, he approached Robin, keeping his shoulders straight. "Any clues, yet?"
Robin didn't even look away from his task. "Nothing, no. The last ping was on the edge of the Vegan System. Cyborg's right. Our communicators don't reach that far. I only have an assumption of which way she went." Finally, Robin tore his eyes from the screen, looking to Wildfire earnestly. "Beyond Tamaran, was there a planet that is special to Tamaraneans? Somewhere they'd vacation? Can you think of any planet Starfire would go to for solace?"
"I... do not know," Wildfire slowly shook his head, bringing his arms out at his side. "I was sent away so young. I must admit I do not know much of my sister's." Robin sighed and rubbed at his throbbing temple as he turned back to the computer and continued scavenging through the quadrants, almost uselessly. "Robin... your team is very well equipped and resourceful. I fear your search on the console is... fruitless..."
"I have to keep searching," Robin told him. "I have to try and find clues, no matter how small."
Wildfire glanced to Raven in her meditative state before he sighed and shook his head. He walked onto the short platform that overlooked the ocean and a corner of the coast of Jump City. The ocean seemed tranquil beneath the moons milky light. He folded his hands behind his back, seeing his own reflection in the glass. "I am sorry, Robin. I fear this is all my fault."
Robin paused from his clicking and looked over the edge of the command console. "What do you mean?"
"The last interaction I had with my sister is one that I regret deeply... even more now..." Wildfire tilted his head down.
Slowly, Robin peeled himself from his seat and joined Wildfire in looking out into the endlessly horizon of the ocean. "You said the argument was about love. What did you mean by that?"
Wildfire closed his eyes for a brief moment before he lifted his chin and looked at Robin directly, his shaggy crimson hair falling across his bold brow. "My sister was asking me a question. I could sense her shame but also her wanting. In a way, she was asking for my blessing, which I was blind to in the moment. She is in love with you Robin. She wants to be with you. But I did not answer in a compassionate way." Wildfire sighed, his nostrils flaring, as he looked out the window. "I think of how Tamaran was before the Gordanian Invasion. Everything seemed so stable... so inherent. I wanted nothing more than to honor that. But I was unaware of how greatly my sister felt for you. I thought she would have come back to you to defy my words. I am worried I have gravely confused her."
Robin looked out the window, his heart constricting into knots for each moment he didn't know where she was. He pursed his lips. "She's not confused, Wildfire. She's conflicted. Ever since the struggle over the throne started, Starfire hasn't been like herself. It's been one rollercoaster after the other. She hasn't gotten a break and we all know she needs it..." Robin lowered his eyes. "Starfire's the strongest girl I've ever known, though... she knows how to handle herself. What's really important right now is reminding her she has a place on earth and Tamaran. It's not one or the other."
Wildfire opened his mouth to reply, but in the next moment, Raven gasped sharply and came to her feet, leaning against a chair as all her mobility returned to her. "I couldn't track her far..." Raven's voice was raspy and fatigued. "She's beyond the Vegan System for sure. I... heard her voice, though. I could hear her thoughts of where she once was. She wasn't happy. She wasn't in the right state of mind..." Robin's shoulders tense.
Next, the common room doors hissed open. Cyborg and Beast Boy appeared.
"The T-Ship is ready for flight," Beast Boy said, putting his hands on his hips.
Beside him, Cyborg held a gawky and odd shaped communicator. "This is really just a prototype, but let's try it." Slowly, he reached to the communicator and drew a long antenna from it. He looked to the screen on his arm. A beep sounded and Robin raced down to look at the console. There was a ping. And it was far beyond what any of them knew about the galaxy. "Planet B45-B2..." Cyborg rattled off.
"We have to go. Immediately," Robin straightened up, turning towards the room. He looked over his shoulder. "Wildfire, take Starfire's segment in the ship."
"I would choose no other spot," Wildfire nodded, guilt still consuming him.
"Titans, we leave within the hour."