Author's Note: Hi everyone! Thank you all for the favorites and follows. To those of you who have stuck with me, I apologize for the long wait for an update. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for reading!
Shinra stepped backed to avoid the flailing arms and legs of Phoenix when Captain Ōbi body slammed her onto the mat covered roof during their sparring match. He closed his eyes eyes and bit the inside of his cheek when he heard her pitiful groan. Opening his eyes, he leaned over her to check the damage.
Phoenix lay on the thin cushioning, sweating and panting. Her cheeks were colored cherry red from the exertion of sparring with their Captain for the first time in months. Ōbi had asked if she was ready to fight him on equal terms, neither one having pyrokinetic powers. She had accepted the challenge.
His fingers formed into tightly coiled fists in order to resist the urge to pick her up and coddle her, holding her tightly to him. He knew that would only embarrass her and possibly invoke her wrath. Although she had changed. She was not quite as full of rage or rudely outspoken as she once was.
"Are you okay?" Shinra asked her while she sucked in loud gasping breaths.
Her singular eye popped open for her to see him. Her silvery eye glittered with what he believed to be pure joy. Despite being winded and exhausted, she smiled. She was genuinely happy, even though she was getting her ass kicked.
"I'm fine," she assured him, extending her hand up to him. "A little help here, please."
"Sure thing," he responded with smile, taking her by the hand to pull her to her feet.
Shinra could not help but notice how much lighter she had become. She had not only lost weight but muscle mass as well. This is why getting back to weight lifting and exercising with Ōbi and Maki soon after coming back had been important to her.
"Are you ready for more or are you giving up?" Captain Ōbi challenged her when he saw she was back on her feet.
"Go get him, tiger," Shinra encouraged her playfully, slapping her on the behind which shoved her forward. "You can do this."
"Thank you," she returned breathily, giving him a smile over her shoulder.
Phoenix inhaled deeply and blew out the breath noisily while looking at the hulking Captain prepared to launch another assault. She was hurting and tired but she could not give up or admit defeat yet.
"I can do this. I need to do this," she whispered to herself.
She positioned her body slightly sideways with her right foot forward, most of her weight pushed back onto her left foot. Her face angled to the left so she could see him better with her right eye. When he lunged toward her, she raised her front foot as if preparing to roundhouse kick him. Ōbi adjusted his attack to compensate, edging to his right to move further into her blind side.
She reacted to the sudden loss of visual on her opponent by assuming his exact position and proximity while bending forward to do a handstand. Employing her gymnastic prowess, or what she hoped was left of it, she performed a front handspring to launch herself at the man much taller than her.
Phoenix kicked his broad chest, one, two, three times, attempting to deliver a fourth kick to the underside of his chin with her heel. However, the final blow was thwarted by a brawny arm that clamped around her shins before dropping her unceremoniously onto the mat. She issued an audible "oof" when she landed flat on her back.
"Dammit all," she muttered, slamming her fist into the padding which made a hollow thud reminiscent of when she pounded the mat with her back few seconds before.
"That's enough for today," the Captain declared, pulling up his tank top to wipe the sweat from his brow before it could drip into his eyes.
Iris rushed forward with a cold bottle of sports drink in each hand, one for Ōbi and one for Phoenix. Everyone else had already taken a break and been sipping their drinks while observing the other two during their match.
"One more time," Phoenix said, staggering a little when she stood to her feet.
"You should sit down," Iris insisted, pushing the frosty bottle into Phoenix's hand while holding onto her shoulder to steady her with her other hand.
"I'm fine. Really," she assured the young woman staring at her with concern in her big blue eyes. She took a long draw from the drink almost emptying the bottle. "Thank you."
Iris nodded and backed away from the stubborn woman.
"Just one more round," Phoenix requested of Ōbi.
"No. No more," he returned, wiping the sweat from his face with a towel also handed to him by Iris.
"But, Sir - "
"Maki!" Ōbi called, cutting her off.
"Sir?" she inquired, saluting and stepping forward.
"Bring out Flare and Sputter. Work with Phoenix some more on compensating for her lack of vision on the left side," he ordered.
"Yes, Sir," she replied, turning to Phoenix. "Are you ready?"
"Let's do this."
~\'/~
After taking an extra long shower to relieve some of the soreness from her muscles, Phoenix went to the kitchen for a glass of water. There was a pitcher and glasses sitting on a tray in the middle of the prep table waiting for her. She sighed.
Every night she practiced her spatial acuity and depth perception by pouring a glass of water for everyone and taking them to the table. Tonight someone had come in before her and set out the glasses and water in preparation. Her face heated with embarrassment while her chest simultaneously filled with the warmth of gratitude knowing someone cared enough to help her in such a subtle way.
Phoenix chewed her lower lip while picking up the filled pitcher. Working out daily was paying off. Her wrists were stronger. She could lift the pitcher with one hand now and without sloshing water everywhere.
Taking a glass from the tray, she set it on the table preparing to fill it. Biting her lip, she focused on the glass as she tipped the pitcher. The thin stream missed the glass by millimeters so she shifted the position of the pitcher in order to actually pour the water into the glass rather than onto the prep table. Her teeth sank into her skin as she fought to control the pitcher and the direction of the water to get it where she wanted it to go.
Never in her life had she been forced to use so much concentration to pour a simple glass of water. Who knew pouring a glass of water could be so difficult? She exhaled grumpily in frustration, setting the pitcher down.
"Shit," she hissed, annoyed with herself for not being able to perform such a mundane task the ease of which she had once thoughtlessly taken for granted.
Having only one eye really threw off her depth perception and was damned inconvenient. Her father had talked to her about how he adjusted and compensated for the difference. He had warned her learning it for herself would not be easy, and she would have to find her own way to make things work. Reaching for the dish towel hanging on the handle of the drawer, she missed the first time, her fingers uselessly skirting the edge of the fabric.
"Goddammit," she growled through her clenched teeth.
Swiping at the cloth again, she caught it on the second pass and snatched the dish towel from where it hung. Seething, she placed the filled glass on the tray and pressed the towel to the small puddle to wipe up the spilled water. After hauling in a deep breath to steel her resolve, she picked up the pitcher again to fill another glass.
"It's frustrating how the simple things aren't so simple anymore isn't it?"
Phoenix almost dropped the entire glass pitcher at the unexpected sound of the voice. She quickly sat it down on the table, the water sloshing over the side, wetting her hand and making another puddle.
"I'm sorry," Lisa said, rushing forward to grab a dish towel to help mop up the mess.
"I can do it," Phoenix insisted, pushing her hand aside.
"I want to help you," the other woman rejoined, laying the towel over the puddle to soak it up. "I really do. Why won't you let me?"
Phoenix inhaled deeply, pushing aside her humiliation and her pride. She actually felt ashamed being in Lisa's presence for more reasons than not being able to pour a glass of water. After her return, this woman had reached out to her, offering her a shoulder to cry on and a truly understanding ear. However, filled with anger and feeling sorry for herself, she had spurned the kindness given to her so freely.
"I'm the one who should be apologizing to you," Phoenix said, humbling herself to bow deeply not only in apology but in a request for forgiveness as well. "I haven't said this yet, but I need to. I am truly sorry for being so rude to you when I first came back."
"There's no need to apologize," Lisa returned, embarrassed herself now and not sure how to react to the genuinely apologetic woman. This same woman had been so prideful and belligerent when she first met her before the fiery and disturbing incident of a few months ago.
"Yes, there is. I apologize from the bottom of my heart for being so mean and hateful. I was just..." Phoenix faltered, feeling as if she was making lame excuses for her bad behavior.
Lisa had been there herself once. Literally. She had been one of the White Clads and been held firmly under their influence. They had such a powerful hold on her she even went as far as to betray the family she had made with Vulcan and Yū, almost getting them killed. Yes, she had been hurt by being shunned by Phoenix, but she had understood the woman's anger having experienced it herself. Masking the mental injuries and ongoing torment with outbursts of rage was easier than admitting her pain and accepting help.
"Seeing you that night just brought everything back. I couldn't remember exactly what they did to me, but I recalled exactly how awful it made me feel. I couldn't bear..." Phoenix's words dwindled to a whisper as her breathing hitched. "I couldn't bear looking at you because it made me remember every bit of the pain. I'm so sorry."
"Hey," Lisa said in a gentle voice, reaching out to lay her hand on the other woman's trembling shoulder. "I understand. I really do. It was incredibly painful being around Vulcan after what I had done to him, after betraying and hurting him like that." She chuckled dryly, dropping her hand away Phoenix. "I swear I think the most heartbreaking thing was how he accepted me back, no questions asked. Despite what I had done. He still loved me."
"I know that feeling all to well," Phoenix sighed, thinking about Shinra. He had done the same for her. he had been forthright, expressing his true thoughts and feelings about their situation. Nonetheless, he had accepted her back into his arms. "The guilt is almost unbearable, isn't it?" she asked, distracting herself by picking up a glass and raising it to the mouth of the pitcher to pour without spilling this time.
"It is," Lisa commiserated then said in a lighter, joking tone, "That's cheating. You have to leave the glass on the counter to be able to teach yourself to judge the distance better."
"Shhh! I won't tell if you won't tell," Phoenix quipped back.
"I won't tell on you this time," she laughed in return before quickly growing serious again, the smile fading from her face. "If you ever need to talk, I'm here and ready to listen."
Phoenix put the glass and pitcher down to look directly at the kind and sincere woman. She was ready to accept the offer of understanding and friendship this time.
"Thank you, Lisa."
Lisa lay her hand over Phoenix's hand resting flat on the table beside the pitcher. She gave her a smile while giving the small, cold hand under hers a reassuring squeeze.
"Survivors like us have to stick together. We can help piece each other together when no one else understands why we're falling apart."
~\'/~
Phoenix had just settled into her bed with a book when someone knocked on her door. Closing the book, she invited the person inside. Her heart leapt happily when she saw Shinra had come to pay her a visit.
Fresh from a shower, he blotted his still dripping wet hair with the towel draped around his neck. He was wearing his usual black t-shirt with the sleeves of his orange jumpsuit tied around his waist. He kicked off his rubber sandals at the side of her bed before climbing in to sit beside her. Curling an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her into his chest.
She inhaled deeply, breathing in the clean and comforting scent of his soap while reveling in his warmth. Sighing contentedly, she hooked her arm around his slim waist. Laying her head on his pectoral, she noted the muscle had gotten bigger and gave her an even better pillow on which to rest her head. God how she had missed him.
"How do feel?" Shinra asked her, kissing the top of her head.
"Really good. Even better now that you're here." She gave him a one armed hug while nuzzling into his chest. "Were you worried about me?"
"A little. You were like a woman possessed today. I haven't seen you like that in a while."
"Well, I'm just determined to get stronger. I want to get back to where I once was physically. But..." She exhaled sadly. "I am aware I never will be what I once was since I've lost something important to me."
"Are you angry about it?" he inquired, taking hold of her upper arm and squeezing it lightly as if to comfort her.
Phoenix thought for a minute. She had tried not to think about it leaving the hospital and returning home. How did she feel about losing her pyrokinetic abilities? More to the point, how did she feel about losing the phoenix? Hearing her own name was a constant reminder of exactly what she had lost. However, it also served as a reminder to pick herself up from the ashes and become something new.
"I suppose I feel mostly sad. And alone," she confessed.
"Alone?"
Shinra absentmindedly played with the slightly curled ends of her shoulder length black hair. Her hand stroked across his chest and belly smoothing out the soft cotton of his t-shirt over his taut muscles.
"I always felt like the phoenix was a separate being from me, possessing a soul of its own." She closed her eye, pressing her cheek over his heart to allow the steady rhythm to soothe her. "I used to pretend my mother had left a part of herself, her soul, in the phoenix when she died. Thinking that way, I didn't feel so alone...or guilty."
Shinra coiled his arms around her, embracing her tightly.
"You never were alone. You have always had people around you who have loved you. And it wasn't your fault your mother died. You know that."
"I know." She sighed heavily. "And you're making me feel like a selfish, ungrateful brat."
"Maybe you are," he returned bluntly.
Phoenix sat up, staring at him. "What?"
"You are a selfish, ungrateful brat. Should I punish you?" he quipped, the corner of his mouth quirking upward into an impish grin to show he was messing with her.
"You jerk," she giggled, punching him playfully in the arm.
But Shinra wasn't wrong. That is what made his words impart sting which was stronger, and continued longer, than she expected. Phoenix knew she had been quite self-centered and careless of others feelings in the past, driven so hard by her own needs she couldn't see those of others.
Shinra's eyes skirted over her face while the smile gradually vanished from her lips under his intense scrutiny. He lay the tips of his fingers along her cheek by her hairline, tracing the bottom of the eyepatch with his thumb.
"Can I take this off?" he inquired, pulling at the string hidden under her hair at the back of her head.
She self-consciously reached up to run her fingers over the plain black eyepatch. Her belly fluttered when she felt him pull the thin leather strap untying the bow.
"Why do you want to see? It's gross," she murmured, holding the patch to her eye as the straps fell to hang loosely at the sides of her face.
"It can't be that bad. I want to see."
"Fine," she muttered, lowering the patch.
Her eyelid had been glued together as not to leave a gaping hole in her head that could lead to further tissue necrosis or infections that could go straight to her brain. Her other eyelid lowered when he raised his fingers toward the closed eyelid to tenderly stroke the skin which was slightly concave with no eyeball behind it to round it outward.
"It's not gross at all," Shinra whispered.
Phoenix held her breath when she felt him shifting under her as he inclined his head toward her. She began to tremble when he pressed his lips to her permanently closed eyelid. Her fingers formed into fists, grasping his t-shirt as if she feared he might shove her away in disgust.
His warm breath tickled her lips before he pressed a kiss to them. His lips stayed on hers, both of them relishing the chaste contact. When his lips reluctantly lifted from hers, their eyes opened, and they smiled at each other.
"I love you," Phoenix whispered like it was a secret to be shared only between the two of them.
Shinra's smile broadened, air pushing through his nose in a rush in a silent chuckle of amusement. He extended his neck to bring his lips close to her ear to whisper back, "I love you too."
"Will you stay with me for a little while?" she requested although he was already in the process of settling into her pillow and pulling the blanket over both of them. "Just until I fall asleep."
"I'll still be here in the morning," he promised, kissing the top of her head. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Good. Neither am I."