I'm doing something new and going to start moving author's notes to the very end of the chapter (and replies).

Warnings/TW:

Abuse/Disassociation

Chapter 17

"First Impressions"

It was a very cold night. Other than the necessary sleep my body had needed to not immediately pass out in exhaustion, I got no further sleep. I was sitting in the far corner, holding my paws in a hug around myself as I shivered. The water in the corner only served to make half of my temporary space wet, which was not great for being in the cold. I was staring down at my shivering paws for what felt like ages, the occasional bump of the cart breaking me out of my thoughts.

I heard a familiar sound, and sighed as I turned my head away, "I know you didn't want this to happen, you don't have to say anything." I said quietly under my breath as I glanced over with one eye.

Miri barely fit in the cage, not that it really mattered since she wasn't really here but… "I haven't said a word yet, cub." she began, resting herself on the floor. She gently put her paws around me, and gradually I began to feel a semblance of warmth which washed away the shivering. I smiled in thanks.

"Then… Are you here to tell me how it feels in the afterlife? I'll be joining you soon." I said looking at the floor with a lost expression.

She nudged me gently, "No, I'm not that cruel. Though it is rather nice here, other than the emptiness. I've left so many behind." She said sadly, mostly to herself. She shook her head, "No. I came to warm you up, honestly." She smiled.

I gave a small laugh, as I hummed curiously, "What do they plan on doing with me? They didn't give me to the outcasts…"

"I'll be honest," She began, "That, I do not know. But I do know one thing about this."

I raised my brow, and she grimaced, "My mother is surely up to something, and when she is it's never usually good."

I tilted my head with an even more confused look, she took her turn to raise a brow at me, "My mother, Shelyra." Miri stated simply.

"Excuse me!?" I said rather harshly, "The queen of the Nchi Kavu is your mother? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Quiet down in there!" Some voice said as they banged loudly on my cage. I whimpered a bit as Miri rolled her eyes at the guard.

Miri put a paw to her face, "I thought she would've opened her big mouth by now about how you stole our family's blessing. I didn't want you to know otherwise…" She sighed. "Well, cat's out of the bag now." She giggled at that, "Hmm, your father taught me that phrase." I smiled slightly at the mention of him. It was good to hear that he was the same in death as he was in life.

My head was spinning at this point, "You said… Your family's blessing?"

She nodded slowly, "Blessed heir. The generations of my family have passed down that blessing since before time… So they say."

I groaned in confusion, "But why… how…"

Miri nodded understandingly, "My mother passed it down to me when I was born, as is tradition. Without a ritual, a blessing can only be passed in one other way: It can be passed down to the last person in your thoughts before dying."

"And… I got it…" I finished for her. A quiet head nod is all I got.

Suddenly the cart seemed to stop, then the curtain covering us was pulled back. I looked at Miri in panic, and she hushed me, "They cannot see me, little one."

It was still night time. In the distance however, I could see a surprisingly vast looking settlement. Lights lined the caves on the side of the dirt cliff faces, small huts that I could yet see the purpose of. It looked like an oasis in the middle of the vast desert that surrounded us. I was met surprisingly with the sight of Shelyra, who hummed in intrigue, "Here we are, little prince." She said happily. Miri growled at her from nearby.

We began moving again, and Shelyra was walking just with sight of me beside the cages. As the city got closer I couldn't see many others who weren't guards, but the few I did see were nearly cowering in their homes, peaking out windows. Some peeking their head from behind walls of mud huts with thatched roofs. I was very curious as to how they made such things. "This is our pride," Shelyra said proudly as she gestured around. Ignoring the pride members, the area was beautiful. A river gently went through the middle of the oasis, there were many trees and plants, and a few gardens dotted the city-like oasis.

The guards began branching away from the caravan, and Shelyra was accompanying the one I was in. "What are you going to do..?" I asked her very plainly, with no hint of emotion.

She turned to me with a smile as fake as could be, "Don't worry your cute little head about it." She halted the guards finally, and smiled at them before opening my cage. She reached in, I wanted to scratch the hell out of her but decided against it. She pulled me forward with a paw before picking me up by the scruff.

I heard Miri's deep rumbling growl from nearby, "Don't trust a word she says, Daniel." She said before evaporating back into the heavens above.

She began to walk, and I sighed, "I hate the suspense. If you're going to kill me, do it." I mumbled.

She hummed as if I was simply a small child acting out and continued forward. The houses were as I assumed, mostly full of cowering families. But anytime a poor unsuspecting pride member was caught off guard by the presence of Shelyra, they would always panic and scramble to salute or regard her with compliments. It was just as fake as the smile on her face, I grew tired of it very quickly. "You know they're scared of you. They don't actually respect you." I said with a hint of annoyance.

She growled a bit, but stopped quickly, "But they listen, and accomplish my goals do they not?" I stayed silent.

We eventually came across a den which was rather near what seemed to be the royal den, it was about as nice as a mud carved cave could look on the outside. Miri gingerly stepped forward into the house, dropping me a few feet from her maw to the floor. I huffed angrily as I felt my flank ache at the impact. "Niru, darling! We've returned!" Shelyra called in to the den with glee.

From the back of the den came the brightest white lioness I'd even seen. She smiled at Shelyra, then gazed at me in intrigue before shifting to a piercing glare as if she already hated my guts, her eyes were a clear cyan that resembled the ocean. She looked rather lithe and slender compared to any of the other white lionesses I'd seen, even compared to Miri. Her paws were very light cream color, and she had an interestingly fluffy tail. Her entire tail was fluffy from tip to base. "Welcome home, I'd garner you were successful?" She said, taking her gaze off of me for a moment.

Shelyra raised her head and closed her eyes in triumph, "Easily, of course." She boasted.

Right afterwards, a male lion came out from the same den and bowed to Shelyra. "My queen." He said politely. He was a dirtier shade of white, and his face and back legs were an even dirtier shade. He was about the same size as Simba. His growing mane was the same shade as his back legs and face.

"Ah Makazi! Please, you may rise." Shelyra spoke. He happily rose and smiled at her, then looked at me, and tilted his head curiously. I vaguely noticed Niru elbowed him since they were standing side by side. After a questioning look at his mate I'm guessing, he glared back at me. His eyes were a dark green, and I felt heavy under the glare from three separate adults.

"It's great that you're both here," Shelyra started looking down at me, "I've got a wayward cub who's parents died in the battle with the pridelanders." I raised a brow and stared up at her, she rested her paw on my back, unsheathed her claws and began to dig them in. I decided not to speak.

"He's a quiet one. And he's a little bit of a runner." She glared deeply at me for a moment pretending to pet me, before smiling up at them. "I need someone to watch over him while I finish attending the tasks I missed while I was gone. I feel you two are my best bet."

The couple looked at each other, and Niru spoke questioningly, "Yes but… what was the war for anyway?"

Shelyra laughed a bit and waved a dismissive paw, "You know, land disputes as always. In the heat of battle a few pridelanders simply ambushed this one's parents. Tragic!" She played. I rolled my eyes and looked to the side.

"Well," Shelyra startled me, shoving me forward towards the couple, I looked back at her like she was insane. "I better not see you running again. Or disrespecting these two, or you'll spend a pleasant day with me. Understood?"

I scoffed and turned my head away, "Hey!" Makazi's voice barked at me from nearby and I jumped, "When the queen speaks, you listen, runt." He growled the command at me.

I looked over at him and raised a brow, as Niru walked over. She put a paw on my head and turned me towards Shelyra, "Now. Say "Yes ma'am, I'm sorry." to the queen." She growled at me, I refused and huffed. Niru swatted me to the floor with her paw, which caught me off guard.

As I recovered she brought my head towards her face, her maw growling inches from my face. "If you can't respect her, you can sleep out in the sand dunes overnight. How does that sound? Now say it!" She practically screamed at me as she forced my head towards Shelyra. She was taking it in gleefully, I'd never seen such a content and happy face on Shelyra before.

Finally I sighed, "Sorry my queen. Won't happen again." I said with obvious disdain and gritted teeth.

Shelyra smiled, "Aww, well nobody can be mad at that face for too long!" She came over and put a paw to my cheek, I wanted to bite it so hard.

Makazi reached in and grabbed me by the scruff with a growl, "You bet it won't be happening again." He took me to the back room in view of the others and threw me over into the room and out of sight of Shelyra. I slid a few extra feet. I landed on one of my back legs rather oddly, and I could instantly tell that it wasn't good. I winced. Okay, now I am really sore.

I turned my head slowly, for a second I thought I caught the lioness staring at me in shock, before Shelyra garnered her attention again, "I always know I can count on you two." She said bowing respectfully.

I turned back around and huffed as I listened to them exchange a few more pleasantries. And it seemed that she was on her way out of their den. Though I had a feeling I wouldn't be having a much better time with these two. The den was dead silent as I finally managed to strain myself up into a sitting position. Those two were standing at the door, peaking around the corner. Once they were sufficiently happy I guess with the queen's distance, the first thing Niru did was swat Makazi across the face, "You threw him!? Why in the nine hells would you do that!?" She said seething with anger. Ah, I think I get it now.

He stuttered nervously, "I didn't think we were laying it on thick enough!" He defended himself.

It was then that they both gazed at me from the front entrance, and they no longer had those piercing glares. In fact, Niru looked extremely worried as she watched me struggle to my feet. She bounded up to me, she was quite timid and soft spoken when not yelling, "I'm so so sorry little one!" She began as she tried to stick her snout under me and lift me up, "Are you hurt? Let me help I'm a-"

"Don't touch me!" I snarled at her, pushing her muzzle away. They were both making me angry and I was already in a sour mood.

She looked shocked, as she recoiled sadly, "I… We… We were just-"

"You were just what? Just… shut up." I told her angrily as I finally managed to get my final back paw to work. I slowly limped, struggling with each step. Yep something was wrong. Her mate had come in, and was gazing at me sadly. I gave him a dirty stare as I finally made it into the corner. I shoved my muzzle into the corner and laid down. It probably looked like I was throwing a temper tantrum, but it didn't matter to me.

I heard slow pawsteps behind me, and the lioness put her paw on my back, "We had no choice, please… You have to believe us, little one." She sounded on the verge of tears.

"I don't care," I told her simply, shaking her paw off of me with no empathy.

Suddenly Makazi finally spoke, "If you are scared of me, I'll leave… I'm sorry I threw you cub, I just…" He couldn't seem to find his words as he sighed deeply.

After another few moments, Niru spoke again, she sounded quiet, "Are you hungry? Thirsty? Just tell me, I'll go get it for you right away." She said, nudging my back with her nose gently.

I don't know if they expected another response or not, but as I told them, I didn't care. Not anymore. I get it, they were saving their own hides, why should I have to care one way or another. They just thought I was some dumb cub who's parents got killed by pridelanders anyway. I just wished for them to leave me alone. And after a minute or so of staring at me, it seemed they had given up. I heard two sets of paw-steps exit the room into another. And finally I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't out of danger, but I was essentially in prison now. At least I could be left to my own thoughts now. Like why Shelyra had made up that lie about me, and what she really wanted out of me in the first place.

I tried my hardest to stay alert but sleep took me quick, I was still so exhausted.

My eyes opened and I was in a black landscape. The sky was Grey, I looked down and I was barely there, only a white outline resembling that of a lion. Like drawn lines on a piece of paper, the world moved around me in odd ways. Often shifting out of my sight.

I tilted my head and continued forward. The grass was black, the plants and trees were black… and the sun was a white haze. I looked around in confusion, where was I? The dullness was uncompromised, and was halted by a flash of color out of the corner of my eye. I eagerly approached it's direction.

I approached a mass of blackness that seemed darker than the rest. I curiously stepped forward into it, and felt a liquid-like feeling. I tilted my head but went to lean down for a drink, but the ripple my paw caused made the liquid quickly turn from black to a deep red color. I jerked backwards in fright, what was this color doing here? What was it?

My eyes glanced upward, past the lake of red. I saw more outlines, yellows, oranges and creams this time. It took me only a moment to recognize that they were just like me, lions. I was about to drink from their deceased lifeforce. I suppressed a scream, and backed up wildly. "W-Why?" I echoed out into the void as the colors slowly disappeared out of my view.

"Because." I heard an echoed voice. I turned all around just to find it, "You're just like me," I came face to face with a growling Sherelya. Not outlined, but just the way she always was.

I tripped on something, "How so?" I said with worried intrigue.

She smiled wickedly, "You're a killer."

I shook my head wildly, "No!" I said, stomping my feet. "I would never kill anyone!"

"Would you kill me?" It mocked.

I hesitated as my breath caught in my throat, "N-No. Of course not."

"Ha! Lies!"

I fell back Into the ground, with her shoving her growling maw in my face, "You'd love to see me suffer. To see life leave my eyes. Admit it."

"I-...I"

"You killed your parents, your sister, all of them. Even your father and human friends." It yelled.

"I-I wasn't trying to!" I said tearing up.

"You kill everyone you meet. You are a curse."

"N-No they're safe! I promised them!"

"And how would you know? Killer." It spat.

"Stop!" I said covering my ears, but it had no effect on my ability to hear.

"Monster!"

"Please." I begged.

"Murderer!" The voice seemed to multiply and echo around me until I'd gotten fed up.

"Maybe you're right, you know!?" I yelled back. The voices grew silent as I stared into an empty void. Shelyra was gone now.

"Maybe I am a monster. Okay? Maybe I am a killer. Happy?!" I yelled at nothing in particular.

I turned around and came face to face with… myself? My human self. He was sleeping, or I was sleeping? No, that was me, not this lion I'm posing as. In the next moment I was staring at the lion, as a human, but no… that was me too. Everything hurt on my body, and in my heart.

I was a lion again… I felt better. Energized, but my heart still hurt. Was something wrong with me?

Yes… yes maybe there was.

Suddenly I had no form. I was just me, existing. I was, and that was all I knew. But I could still see. Both of me, human and lion, they both looked at where I should be. Suddenly they both opened their mouths, simultaneously releasing a sharp confirmation.

"Murderer!"

Slowly I came to my senses. The first time I've felt groggy and what felt like forever. My body ached from everything yesterday. Or earlier today? I slowly pushed myself to sit. I rubbed sleep out of my eyes with a paw, well, I didn't die last night. Maybe today is my last? I turned my head, the cave I was in was empty. Next to me was a bowl with water in it, my mouth was dry but I scoffed. Probably poison anyway. I huffed and leaned down to lap it up, until I was sufficiently quenched.

A bit farther to the left was a bowl with dried meat. What was I, a dog now? I rolled my eyes and stood up, deciding to investigate my surroundings. My back leg ached with each step. I walked over to the doorway to the cave, and there was nobody in the main living area. I could faintly see outside, it was still day but I couldn't tell the time. I carefully walked into the main area, glancing around and there were a couple more rooms, all which stayed emptied.

The living space was intriguing now that I got a good eye on it. A woven grass carpet in the middle, a few baskets to the side of varying heights. And shelves curiously, which each had multiple different containers of different substances. With a well worn table made of wood in the corner. Off to the side one of the rooms had a large raised platform made of woven reeds, which had some varying degree of cloth used to drape itself. Quite like a cot just larger. I was shocked by the complexity of it. To top it off they even had pillows of some kind.

I heard what sounded like talking and footsteps. I quickly limped my way back into where I was, keeping myself relatively hidden around the corner of the cave wall. After a second Niru I think was her name, walked in. She had a basket hanging from her mouth, and she placed it on the table in the corner, returning to the entrance to talk to some other white lioness. "Of course! And please come tell me if you need anything else, alright darling?" They spoke softly to each other.

The other waved as she departed, and Niru waved back. "Oh!" She called, "And don't lift anything heavy with that paw!" Smiling to herself, Niru turned around.

She was very quick in her perception as she looked over and caught me peeking at the doorway. It probably wasn't hard, I contrasted so hard in the darkness. She seemed to release a surprised expression, I could hear her footsteps carefully approach. I growled to myself and returned to the corner, facing the wall again. This was just great.

"Hello, little one?" I heard from the doorway. She must've spotted me, as she made a careful few steps more. "Are you alright? I hope you got something to drink." She said softly, "It's very hot today."

I stayed silent, glaring at the wall. I wasn't up for any of her fake acts. "And if I didn't?"

She hummed curiously at my response, "Oh, it's all yours if you'd like." She replied cheerfully, "And there's food… It's-"

I growled, "I'm not a dog. Not your pet." I reiterated.

She seemed to squeak as she took another step forward, "O-Of course you aren't little one. I'm sorry but I never got your name?"

I growled louder, "Good."

I could practically hear her ears droop at that, "We're just here to help. I promise! My name is Niru."

"I don't remember asking." I scoffed with venom.

She winced, "If you want fresh food I could go grab some for you. I wasn't trying to offend, I swear!"

"Okay look, Niru." I said turning around and stomping towards her annoyed, "You can cut out the act, alright? I'm quite frankly done trying, and just looking for a nice quiet place to wait for my death."

She backed up a few steps as she looked at me sadly, when I finished she leaned forward, "Oh sweetie. Never give up hope like that." She said sadly, she tried to lean down and nuzzle me I think, but I jerked away with a growl. "I'm not acting! I get what you're going through is tough but… You can overcome all this, I promise everything will be okay in the end. And I'm here for you if you want to talk, cub."

I was holding back my rage now, "And how would you know anything about me?"

She raised her voice defensively, "I don't! But I'd like to find out." She said hopefully.

I waved her off, "Either recommend a nice place to lay around and die or leave me the hell alone!" I yelled.

She stuttered, "I-I… But-" a tear started at the edge of her vision, and I felt a twinge of regret, but it vanished. "I can help…" She muttered sadly.

"Well I don't want it. You're just like the rest of them in the end." I said walking into the corner and laying down with a huff again. But when I put pressure on my back leg I winced and released a small yelp. I quickly took the pressure off of it.

She seemed shocked, "Did my mate hurt you that bad earlier?" She acted worried and horrified, trying to approach me again, "I'm a healer. Let me check it, it might be broken."

"Just stop!" I yelled and whipped myself around to snarl at her. "When is the queen coming back for me, huh?"

She opened and closed her mouth multiple times in shock, "I-I don't-"

I laughed at her, "What's the point of letting you help? You two are just going to try and break something again next time the "queen" shows up right? Screw off." I said with a huff. She recoiled and winced. A few tears escaped her eyes, as she turned around and silently exited the room.

For a moment I hesitated. She had such a genuine seeming reaction to my blame that I began wondering. Maybe I was being too harsh. I admit I've been angry, but taking it out may not be the best idea. I'm giving too much away, I should stay quiet. I didn't let it get to me for now however, their true colors would show again whenever Shelyra shows her royal face.

Welp, Daniel has essentially been reset to square one mentally. What'd you guys think? Was he too judgmental? What do you guys think of Kiru and Makazi?

THE STORY HAS HIT 100 FOLLOWERS! Pretty important milestone to me personally, so thank you everyone for following to get it to this point! (And my other story Fate Decides also just passed 100 follows, so if you read both you rock.)

So if you can't tell, this author's note is in a different spot. Simply because it looks cleaner! And I can be a nerd here since everyone who only reads for the story and not my ramblings is gone before this sentence I'm writing here anyway.

L0RD3N: Thank you, thank you. And of course it was a great fight you practically helped me rewrite 25% of it to make it better LOL. Though I guess I did come up with the ideas! And yeah, Zira took the big L on that one.

Obiben27: I'm currently midway through a Fate Decides chapter after some terrible writer's block. Kieran's New Perspective is uh... It's dead. Sorry...

SnowyMarble: Pop an extra bag for me please! :)

Plague Doctor 2035: I'm glad I'm the first of these kind of stories to catch your interest, much appreciated. And thank you for being honest too!

Alright, I'm done padding out my word count. If only they'd give a review reply option in the actual site.