CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #1: Ladies and gentleman, the moment you've all been waiting for has arrived at long last! Rejoice friends, for the reunion of Charah is at hand! After leaving you all on a horrible cliffhanger way back on November 23rd, when we followed Chuck through his half of this evening, I proceeded to take seven months to get you all back to that moment. Before we go any further, I want to apologize to all of the Charah lifers out there like myself, I want to apologize for leaving you to wait for that moment for so long. I teased you all with TWO more chapters after that, neither of which contained that wonderful, amazing moment you've all been waiting for. Back on April 21st, I released a chapter that i'd promised would contain this moment, but I broke that promise. Well no more broken promises, the moment is here, the reunion is happening, the day has come!
CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #2: Okay, now let's talk about the actual chapter; this chapter proved to be the toughest challenge when it came to picking a song and incorporating the lyrics. The song was the last addition to this chapter, I went through several choices before I settled on this song. This chapter is very long, but it was originally looking like it was going to be much longer. In the end, the idea of a 15,000 word chapter didn't appeal to me AT ALL, so I cut a great deal of material out of my plan, most of it i'll use in the next chapter. Regardless of this, the chapter covers a lot of ground and really runs the gamut of emotions.
CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #3: I want to thank my beta, Nev for going over the chapter for me. Nev was the one who helped me develop this one-shot into a full story, so this story wouldn't have happened without him, thank you Nev!
CHARMING'S ADDITIONAL AUTHORS NOTE: I've decided to cut all of the lyrics out of this story to make it more compliant with the rules of FFN, I care about this story too much to lose it over something like that.
I Don't Want Your Desire
A Story by
CharmingCharles2896
Chapter Inspired by the Song
Never Let You Go Again by Trisha Yearwood
Chapter Six
Letting You Go
Sarah Walker hadn't been inside the LA field office since right before she went to meet Chuck that first time back in two-thousand and seven. She'd stopped into the field office to grab some last-minute supplies before she'd gone to see him at the Buy More. That day felt like a thousand years ago to Sarah Walker; so much had changed in her life in just eighteen months. Sarah Walker was a different person than she had been back then, eighteen months ago; she'd been a bitter, jaded shell, a woman well on her way to burning out after a series of betrayals and let downs by those she trusted with her life. First it had been Zondra, then Bryce had just up and disappeared on her in the middle of an assignment, that had forced Graham to give his enforcer a handler because obviously Sarah couldn't play well with others if she wasn't supervised, the bastard.
Since then, Ryker had betrayed her and nearly murdered an innocent child. That had cost her any relationship she could have had with her mother in order to keep little Molly safe. On top of that, Bryce had gone rogue and betrayed her and everything they'd stood for, only to in fact not have betrayed her at all! Worse still, Bryce then dragged the innocent Nerd Herd Supervisor, Chuck Bartowski into the spy life. A lot had happened to Sarah, and yet here she was, back in LA for another mission, another party, another dress, another, another, another, for the last time. Tomorrow she'd be free, no more spies, no more lies, just whatever she wanted to do, wherever she wanted to live, freedom.
The list of objectives on Sarah's to do list before her mission tonight wasn't horrible, all things considered. The first thing Sarah had to do was find a dress that fit her, she'd admittedly gained some weight during her six-week suspension, and she wasn't proud of how poorly all of the dresses in her wardrobe had fit her. She wasn't super upset with the slight increase to her bust from the added weight, but the slight increase everywhere else was what made her mad. Then again, when your life is lacking any sense of purpose or direction, it is rather hard to find the motivation to work out. As Sarah walked down the halls of the LA field office towards the resources center, where agents could access resources for missions they had coming up, she saw a familiar face from the night before.
"Leon!" Sarah said as she closed the distance to the tall black man she'd met the night before.
"Hello Sarah," Leon said with a smile.
"Thanks for the car, government issue, but very plush," Sarah said with a demure smile; Leon simply nodded.
"Figured you needed a ride today, so catch any bad guys yet?" Leon asked, referencing his request from the previous evening; Sarah simply chuckled and shook her head no.
"Not yet, I did go to Malibu Beach though, which was nice," Sarah said honestly, Leon nodded.
"Catch any sick waves?" Leon asked as he quickly popped into a stereotypical surfer stance; Sarah simply laughed and shook her head no.
"No, but I did talk to a very nice, older woman," Sarah admitted as she remembered her talk earlier; Leon simply gave her a surprised look.
"Interesting, so I know you've got an assignment, but would you like to meet the Station Chief really quick?" Leon asked with a raised eyebrow, Sarah looked on in shock, she wasn't dressed up enough for that.
"I can't do that, I look like a bum; I'm not nearly dressed up enough to meet the station chief, Leon," Sarah said as Leon grabbed her hand and dragged her off towards the Station Chief's office.
"Come on stop that, you're beautiful and you know it; also Station Chief Rodriguez is a real fan of yours, so knowing you, will score me some serious brownie points," Leon admitted truthfully, which got a hearty laugh from Sarah.
"Okay Leon, just for you," Sarah said with a shake of her head; Leon led Sarah to Station Chief Rodriguez's office and the two of them walked into the waiting room, where the Station Chief's assistant was sitting at her desk typing. When the short blonde woman spotted Sarah, her eyes grew large; Sarah spotted the recognition in the woman's eyes, apparently, she was a little more famous than she thought.
"She's free right now Leon, just go right in," The blonde woman said flatly before returning to her work. Leon knocked on the door and heard a feminine voice answer; once he heard a reply, he opened the door and stuck his head in.
"Ma'am, I've got someone here for you to meet," Leon said to Station Chief Rodriguez who simply eyed her aide.
"Very well, let them in," she said as she returned to her work; Leon opened the door the rest of the way and showed Sarah into the room.
"Ma'am, I'd like you to meet, Sarah Walker," Leon said as he stepped aside to reveal the blonde spy to his boss; as Sarah walked into the room, the first thing she noticed was the Station Chief's beauty. The Station Chief was a well put together, Hispanic woman, in a well fitted suit and skirt combo. She looked to be in her mid-forties, with long brown hair that was pulled up into a bun. The Station Chief's eyes grew wide as she stood up to greet her guest.
"Agent Walker, it's an honor; Station Chief Helena Rodriguez," Station Chief Rodriguez said as she extended her hand towards Sarah who shook it.
"The honor is all mine, thank you for accommodating me on such short notice," Sarah said as she sat down in the proffered seat that the Station Chief had motioned towards.
"Well, I have other duties to attend to, so I'll leave you to it," Leon said as he stepped back towards the door; Sarah spoke up as she reached for her purse.
"Oh Leon, before you go," Sarah said, before she pulled a business card out of her purse and a pen. "Her's my cell, stay in touch," she said with a smile and handed him the card, Leon simply nodded and tucked it into his pocket.
"Absolutely Sarah, Ma'am," Leon said before he made his exit; now alone, Sarah turned her attention back to the Station Chief.
"Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it, I'm a bit of a fan of yours," Station Chief Rodriguez admitted with a smile that made Sarah chuckle and nod.
"Now I know why Leon wanted to introduce us; well, the timing is impeccable, because this time tomorrow, I'm retiring," Sarah said honestly, which shocked the Station Chief.
"Really?" Sarah simply nodded.
"I'm going to go see what all this talk of the American Dream is all about, but that's enough about me, were you an agent once? They don't just make anyone a Station Chief," Sarah asked, the Station Chief who also nodded.
"Call me Helena, yeah I was an agent for a long time, that takedown of Jean LeMay in Paris, nineteen ninety-four was me," Helena said honestly, she wasn't boasting, simply stating her biggest achievement; Sarah sat forward in shock.
"That was you? They taught us all about that at the Farm, I used to idolize you in training, very impressive," Sarah gushed, she was meeting one of her idols, it was hard not to gush.
"When did you go through training?" Helena asked, curiously.
"Summer of two-thousand, age eighteen," Helena visibly grimaced, which made Sarah chuckle.
"Don't tell me that; you're still just a baby and you're already more famous than me!" Helena said with a self-deprecating chuckle, Sarah simply shook her head no.
"Notorious is more like it; the rumors about me… you don't want that kind of fame." Helena simply quirked an eyebrow, so Sarah elaborated. "Back when I was still in training, I was only eighteen years old, I was so much younger than all of my peers, but I was beating them all in everything, literally every class. They hated me and knowing how beautiful I was, some of the women were convinced I was sleeping with ALL of my instructors in order to get good marks. They were convinced that a little girl like me couldn't have been beating them on merit, so obviously I was spreading my legs for seventeen different men over the span of three months," Sarah said derisively and rolled her eyes; Helena simply shook her head as well.
"Seems far-fetched even if you were sleeping around, that's a lot of sex for one person to keep secret," Helena said in a deadpan, which made Sarah laugh and nod.
"Exactly, they learned quickly that I was just better than them, once we got to combat training," Sarah said with a devious smile as she remembered that phase of her training.
"You kick their asses?" Helena asked with a knowing smirk, Sarah simply nodded.
"I broke this one man's ribs so bad, he washed out entirely; after that, the rumors stopped," Sarah simply sat back in her chair as Helena laughed and shook her head.
"So, I've got meetings coming up, and I know you've got a mission, so I'll let you go, but before you go, I've got one more question to ask you," Helena asked as she leaned forward, Sarah simply nodded for Helena ton ask. "So, you and Charles Carmichael," as Helena began, she saw the melancholy envelope Sarah in an instant, confirmation enough of her question, but she asked anyway. "Are the stories about your separation true?" As soon as Helena asked, she regretted it, because the sadness she saw on Sarah made her feel horrible. Sarah seemed to shrink into herself for a moment, before she answered quietly.
"Chuck was the best asset you could ask for, but he was also the most amazing man I've ever known; it is absolutely true that I was relieved of my duties as his protection detail due to a 49B. I wasn't just compromised; I was in love with him and until six weeks ago, I was fully intending to spend the rest of my life with him," Helena had not expected this from the legendary Sarah Walker; she'd always heard that Agent Walker was cold and calculating, that is until she'd recently heard of the 49B. Sarah spoke quietly and with devastating finality in her voice. "That's all over now though, any future I had with him, died when they took him away from me," Sarah had managed to keep a lid on the tears, but the depression had resurfaced with a vengeance and it showed to Helena who simply nodded silently. "Thank you for hosting me, Helena; it was great to meet one of my idols," Sarah said as she stood up and extended her hand sadly to Helena, who shook it.
"It was great to meet you Sarah, enjoy your retirement," Helena said with a small smile that Sarah tried to reciprocate, but failed to do so; her sad outlook had returned and its grip on her heart felt like a vice was constricting her insides. Helena simply watched Sarah back away and make her way to the door; the rumors about Sarah were true and it made Helena sad. Sarah was the best of the best, then she'd fallen in love with her asset; when her superiors had found out, they'd fired her. Just like that her career was over, after losing her love, she couldn't go back to her old life; as Sarah grabbed the door knob and turned it, Helena spoke up once again.
"Agent Walker," Sarah stopped and turned to look at Helena. "Good luck," Helena said quietly, Sarah simply nodded and left the Station Chiefs office.
~X~
Sarah Walker was a woman of focus, determination, or at least she used to be, back before she'd lost everything. She'd already checked out a small concealable pistol from the armory; she'd gotten a dress that showed off her tattoo. The dress was an all-black, long sleeve, one shoulder, bodycon dress with a long slit up the left side, exposing her long, toned leg. She'd paired the dress with a pair of strappy black heels and an elegant updo that showed off her slender neck. Sarah hadn't thought she'd fit in a dress like this, but when she'd put it on, she had to admit that she looked freaking fantastic. Sarah hadn't worn anything nice like this since before she'd been fired, so she was admittedly rather enjoying her look. Now Sarah was just sitting in the small changing room she'd been using to get ready, she was looking over the file she'd been given for her assignment. They'd given her so little information on her target for tonight; all she knew was that he was a tall, brunette man with glasses, they said she'd recognize him, but what did that mean? The only man fitting that description she'd worked with was Chuck Bartowski and there was no way that was a possibility.
They hadn't given her a rendezvous point, a time to meet this mystery man, all they'd told her was go to the party and mill about until she found him. Charlotte Barstow, what a cruel, twisted cover name; it was like God was punishing her for her past sins. Go back to Los Angelis and assume the name Charlotte Barstow in order to save a man named Samuel Watkins. CB saving SW, history repeating itself, Chuck had saved her soul from annihilation, he'd helped her rediscover her humanity and had shown her that she could be a normal person. Now she was going to get that future, but he wasn't going to be in it, a cruel twist at the end of the story. Hawthorne was aware of what had happened in Burbank, so if this cover was his idea, then he was a twisted sonofabitch.
Sarah wanted to spend the rest of her life with Chuck, whether that was as his protection or his wife, she didn't care. Sarah wasn't going to get that future; she wasn't going to get the happy ending at the conclusion of her story. A life without Chuck Bartowski in it was almost too unbearable to contemplate, but she was going to force herself to live on without him as he'd want her to, even if a small part of her would die without him.
Even still, Sarah couldn't help but reminisce on how much Chuck would have loved this mission; dressed to the nines, fancy car, glamour, this was the spy fantasy. Chuck would have really felt like James Bond, but he wasn't with her tonight. Instead, her Chuck was at home alone, likely wondering where she was, wondering if she was with someone. She knew how his mind worked and he'd probably think she'd moved on and forgotten about him by now. Never, she'd never love again.
Forever Yours, Forever Alone
That's what her tattoo said in Latin, it was the truth of her situation; she was his, forever. Sarah Walker had branded her heart with a big C and encased it in stone; nobody else would ever penetrate as deep as Chuck had, nobody else would ever match up to her nerd. Sarah had come to terms with her impending romantic solitude weeks ago, just before she'd gotten the tattoo. The thought of giving her body to another man had made her feel dirty, like she was cheating on him in her mind. It wasn't that she thought Chuck would never go on dates or have sexual partners again, he was a great guy and she had no doubt he would, but she'd had the best of the best; how could she settle for anyone else after she'd had it all?
Once Sarah had finished all of her mission prep, she gathered her clutch, which contained her small pistol as well as some supplies like makeup, just in case, and made for the motor pool to check out a car. As much as she loved Leon's Lincoln that he'd left for her, it wouldn't do for a party like this. She was simply walking through the hallways of the LA field office when a certain blonde haired CIA agent walked by her; Sarah had seen the agent work hard not to make eye contact, but Sarah had seen her.
"That was Alex Forrest, what is she doing here?" Sarah asked herself silently as she continued walking towards the motor pool. If Agent Forrest was at the LA field office, then they'd had to make changes to the team again. It couldn't be that Chuck was dead, otherwise Agent Forrest would simply be off to another mission. The fact that Agent Forrest was at the field office meant that they'd had to make changes to the protection detail and she was likely under investigation! That thought sent a sickening chill through Sarah's body; what could Agent Forrest have done to Chuck? Was he okay? This was the worst moment for this revelation, she felt a frantic compulsion to drop everything and just go to him. Sarah knew her nerd was in trouble now, but she couldn't help him, she had a job to do, so she'd have to bury those fears deep inside for now. Sarah would have to give Casey a call before she left town in the morning to make sure Chuck was okay.
When she walked through the door that led outside to the motor pool, Sarah quickly went over to the little office and the man behind the desk. Sarah displayed her badge and her equipment authorization that she'd need to get a car, once the wiry looking man examined her forms her looked up at her and spoke.
"Okay Agent Walker, what can I do for you?" Sarah gave the man a smile and looked out at the wide array of luxury cars.
"I need something luxurious, but not ostentatious; I'm thinking that Maserati GranTurismo?" Sarah said as she eyed the black Maserati tucked in the back corner, she'd never driven a Maserati before, but she'd almost bought one before she chose her Porsche. The man at the counter simply nodded and began typing away on his computer.
"How long do you need it?" The man asked as he looked at her; Sarah tossed that around in her head for a moment, considering contingencies and backup plans.
"Twenty-four hours," Sarah said simply, the man simply nodded.
"Very well, Agent Walker," as he spoke, she saw him go in search of the car keys. "The car has been upgraded with all the usual updates and changes, so you shouldn't have much trouble." Sarah simply nodded and tapped on the counter lazily to pass the time while he rifled through draws in search of the keys. "Where are those damn keys?" she heard him say; Sarah peered through the Plexiglas and spotted a set of car keys with a small trident logo on them simply sitting on the desk right next to the computer keyboard the man had just been working at. Sarah snaked her arm through the small slot in the Plexiglas and grabbed the keys. Once Sarah had grabbed the set of keys, she pressed the lock button and saw the Maserati's lights flash. Sarah looked over at the man and gave him an amused smile as he continued to rummage through drawers to find the keys. Sarah simply walked away to the car without a word, she had places to be, an agent to extract, a life to leave behind her.
~X~
The sun was starting to get low in the sky as Sarah rolled up on Rex Horn's mansion; the press was everywhere, trying to get pictures of all the celebrities attending the party. Sarah slowly drove past the front gate of Horn's lavish mansion; not a single armed guard in sight, in fact there wasn't really any security to speak of. It was strange that there was an agent undercover here, but there wasn't any security; if there was no security, why did the CIA need Sarah to extract this guy? Any organization that posed that much risk to the undercover operative would have armed guards and security checks at the gate; that's how the cartel's operated down in Central and South America.
Sarah found a spot three-hundred yards down the street from Horn's front gate and parked; once the engine fell silent, Sarah simply closed her eyes and took a moment to breathe. She hadn't been on a mission in six weeks, and she wasn't lying to Chuck when she told him that Agent's didn't live long once their heart wasn't in the game. Sarah had to be on her guard tonight, this was her final mission ever and she wanted to get through it safe so she could fulfill Chuck's wish and have a happy life. With a shaky hand, Sarah reached for the door handle and left the imagined safety of her barrowed Maserati. The front gate stood before her three hundred yards ahead, but it might as well have been a mile away. Her feet felt like they were made of concrete, the slow march towards damnation. A mission had never made her feel this nervous before, maybe she'd lost her edge? Maybe the infamous Ice Queen had thawed out too much in Burbank?
Once Sarah was within one-hundred yards of the front gate, the paparazzi finally noticed her and she had to put on her game face. As she went to focus like she used to, it was like her brain just hard aborted any and all attempts to focus. Sarah stopped walking for a moment and closed her eyes to breathe for a beat.
"Pull yourself together, what's the matter with you?" the Ice Queen inside her head screamed at her.
"I'm freaking the fuck out, what do you think is going on?" Sarah yelled back in her head to the mean Ice Queen in her mind; God, she really was losing it if she was arguing with herself. Opening her eyes, Sarah saw the paparazzi eyeing her in confusion so she simply took one final breath and resumed her walk towards the front gate. As she approached the flashing of the cameras made it difficult to see, difficult to focus. Sarah was aware that she needed to retrieve her invitation from her clutch before she got to the front gate, so the people checking invitations didn't see the pistol she was concealing there; otherwise, she'd have to abort and sneak onto the premises. Sarah didn't have the gear, nor the clothing for that kind of operation, so she had to get inside right now. As Sarah walked through the sea of paparazzi, she made sure to stop and pose for a photo as was expected at these things, when paparazzi were involved.
Once Sarah finally got to the front gate, she stopped at the smaller, man sized gate next to much larger gate meant for cars to pass through. At the gate stood a tall man in a maroon dinner jacket and tan khaki pants.
"Good evening, invitation?" the man asked Sarah who simply smiled and handed him her invite; she watched this man quickly glance at the name on her invitation and then check his own list for said name, before turning back towards her.
"Very good Ms. Barstow, just follow the stone path," the man said as he handed back her invitation; Sarah smiled at the man and walked through the gate. Once Sarah was ten paces or so past the gate, she breathed a sigh of relief and stashed the invitation in her clutch. Sarah was in, now she simply had to mill around this party looking for this mystery fellow with the glasses; as Sarah saw the sheer number of people at this party, she was starting to wonder just how simple this mission was actually going to be. Regardless of her trepidation, Sarah entered the mansion and began to look around. She could see a large open sitting area, with a bar ahead and to the right. Off to the left she saw a hallway; Sarah could only assume one of those doors likely lead down to the basement, while another was likely the bathroom, then again that was just her intuition talking. Through the house, Sarah could see a large outdoor area, with a large dancefloor, tables for eating, and a line to get food. There appeared to be a bar outside as well as the one inside, but the one outside was obviously temporary.
Thinking logically, Sarah decided to start with the areas in the back yard, so she weaved her way through the massive thong of partygoers. As Sarah made her way to the backyard, she made sure to keep an eye out for this mystery man. Once Sarah was outside, the true scale of her task sank in; there must have been four-hundred people at this party. The outdoor area was well laid out, with a dancefloor separating two equally sized masses of tables where people could sit and eat food that was available at the buffet off to the right. The large dance floor looked so inviting to Sarah; she knew Chuck wasn't much of a dancer, but he'd go out there with her, if she asked him to. That was the kind of man that Chuck Bartowski was; Chuck was the only man Sarah had ever met, other than her father, who'd ever cared about her as a person. Chuck loved her, loved the real person that she'd never actually allowed him to know, but he loved her anyway. They'd wasted so much time trying to be professional, she'd wasted so much time; if Sarah had known her time was limited, she would have loved him as much as she could have, as long as she could have. Sarah would have showered him with as much love as he'd shown her; he'd have known what it felt like to be loved, desired.
All of the people out on the dance floor looked so happy, so at peace, so carefree; Sarah had known that feeling once, for eighteen months Sarah had known what it felt like to be at peace with your world around you. She'd found a home in Burbank, a place to grow old, a family to grow old with, but that was over now. Shaking herself out of her regretful recollections, Sarah set about scanning the outdoor area for her target. The large outdoor tent and hanging strings of lights gave the entire area this intimate, amber aura. The dancefloor was clear, nobody fitting the description of her target was out there; Sarah turned to her left and made her way through the large mass of tables that awaited her. There were scores of happy people laughing and enjoying their food, enjoying the party; she could see married couples, happy couples not yet married, singles on the prowl, happy people of all kinds with smiles on all their faces. Sarah actually envied them, their lives were so simple, they could laugh and love whomever they wanted, without having to worry if they'd get in trouble.
Sarah had never had that luxury, the luxury of choice; but she couldn't focus on that envy right now. Sarah pushed those thoughts from her mind and continued her search, before making her way to the other section of tables to the right of the dance floor. Once again, Sarah found nothing; the only place she hadn't checked was the house. As Sarah turned back towards the house, she saw some lights on in the basement turn off quickly, maybe her mystery man was down there? Sarah quickly, walked towards the house and reentered with a newfound focus, she had a possible lead and she was going to pursue it. Once inside the house once again, Sarah walked into the middle of the main living area and did a quick, but subtle three-hundred-sixty degree look around and spotted the hallway she'd seen when she'd walked in.
As she walked down the hallway, she saw someone exit the first door and heard the sound of the toilet running. Obviously, door number one was the bathroom, the second door was a folding door so Sarah assumed it was nothing more than a coat closet. The only door left was the last one on the right, so Sarah reached for it and peaked inside subtly. The door was a finished staircase, shrouded in darkness; knowing that she'd found the basement door, Sarah subtly slipped inside and made her way down the stairs after flipping the light switch. At the bottom of the stairs, Sarah could see a lavish, living area big enough to house an entire family.
"Jesus, this is nicer than any apartment I've ever lived in," Sarah murmured to herself as she looked at the place; she could smell the faintest hint of sex in the air, which simply made her shake her head. It wouldn't be a party for rich people if somebody wasn't sneaking away to have sex in someone else's house. Sarah could see a hallway off to her right so she walked that way. The first two room were bedrooms, one filled with children's toys, the second looked to be well lived in by a couple of elderly folks. The last room grabbed Sarah's attention, it was a neat and tidy office, Rex Horn's office to be exact. Once Sarah walked in, she looked at the layout critically, it was strangely laid out if she was being honest. There was a tall bookshelf in the middle of the wall with a light switch next to it, but the light switch that controlled the overhead light was on the wall near the door. Sarah walked over to the desk and saw the lone lamp; the lamp had its own control's but she had a hunch the light switch controlled the lamp. If the light switch near the bookshelf controlled the lamp, then why was it so far from the lamp?
Sarah stood back against the far wall and looked at the room critically for a moment; what was she missing about this room, because something was off about it? The CIA had an agent infiltrated in this home, but why? Rex Horn was an actor, Sarah hadn't seen any of his movies, but she'd done some quick research for her mission. If Rex Horn was the target, what could he be hiding that the CIA would send an agent in here for? There had to be something hidden in this house, something to find; why else would the CIA send someone in here? That was when it dawned on Sarah, if you wanted to hide something behind a secret door, you'd need to a way to open the door. The switch must have been the way to open the door.
Sarah walked to the light switch and examined it, the bookshelf it was next to wasn't flush with the wall, which was a giveaway. If the switch was the way to open the door, then it had to be some combination of up and down to open it. Seeing no other alternative, Sarah began flipping and unflipping the switch in varied tempos and patterns until she heard an audible click. With a sly smile, Sarah felt the book shelf move just the slightest amount; she reached out and pulled the book shelf away from the wall to reveal a darkly lit computer room. There was a large computer against the far wall and a lone chair at the desk. The room was dusty, but from the footprints and tracks in the dust, the man she was after had been here. She could see an imprint on the dusty table in the shape of glasses where he'd no doubt set his glasses down while he did his work. Sarah bent down and felt the chair, it was still warm; her man hadn't been gone long, maybe a few minutes tops.
As Sarah turned her head to the left and stood up, she caught the faintest whiff of a familiar scent; in a flash all thought stopped in Sarah's head, everything but that scent was gone. It was a scent she never thought she'd smell again, a distinctive combination of Irish Spring and Aqua Velva Ice Blue. Both products were very popular so the likelihood that someone else would use them was high, but those scents together reminded her of one person… her Chuck.
It was like someone had stabbed her in the heart, all the emotions from that last night with him came flooding back in an instant.
"I don't want to go Chuck; we wasted so much damn time,"
…
"If I could do it all over, I would have told you so many times; I had so many chances to tell you!"
…
"I love you always Chuck, you're the best thing that ever happened to me,"
As if six weeks had passed in an instant, Sarah was right back there in that bedroom, wrapped up in his arms, clinging to her first and only love, a doomed love. Sarah leaned forward and brought her nose to the backrest of the chair and inhaled the familiar scent; like an addict, she knew she shouldn't go back for more, but she did. That scent made her feel, made her remember it all over again. All the pain of having to leave him, the heartrending pain of seeing the despair in his eyes, it was all back and Sarah couldn't handle it. Sarah backed away from the chair and simply leaned on the desk to breathe. Her eyes burned with unshed tears as her chest began to heave with emotion. She brought her hand to her mouth to silence her anguish as the tears fell silently. She'd thought she had no more tears left to cry over him, but that scent brought it all back, his scent, him. Sarah simply stood there in that computer room for several minutes and wept alone. Her mission completely forgotten; Sarah Walker mourned the loss of her one true love all over again.
~X~
It was twenty minutes before Sarah emerged from that secret room and quickly found a bathroom; she had to fix her makeup with the few items she'd managed to stash in her clutch. After she'd deemed herself put back together; Sarah stumbled back up the stairs in search of a drink. At this point she was going to get herself a drink and let this Agent Watkins find her for a change. She'd been told that he knew about her tattoo, so he could find her for all she cared. Sarah walked up to the bar looking like she'd been beaten down emotionally, which she had; usually she kept it on the inside, tonight not so much.
"Scotch, please," Sarah said as she leaned up against the bar; she saw the bartender nod and reach for a glass. "Make it a double actually," she said before he nodded, poured her a double, and handled it to her with a bar napkin. Sarah nodded to the bartender and took a sip of her scotch, intent to let the amber liquid burn her troubles away. She was some piece of work; she'd gotten a faint whiff of something close to Chuck's scent and she'd practically had a nervous breakdown. What did it say about her as an agent that she could hardly function in the field after everything that had happened? Sarah Walker used to be a feared name, the deadliest woman in the CIA's roster of assassins; now she was a hollowed-out shell of her former self.
Beckman had torn out everything that had made Sarah a great agent, when she'd decided to reassign her. The suddenness of it all had been the worst part; she'd shown up at work on Monday and by Tuesday evening, she was reassigned and barred from seeing the man she loved. Wednesday morning she'd flown to DC and she hadn't returned to Burbank until last night. Six weeks, that's all the time it took to completely hollow her out, leave nothing left of the old her; all that remained now was the ghostly remains, the memories of what happiness used to feel like. All that Sarah had left was the memories of her nerd, the memories of his amazing family, a family that had adopted a stray like her.
"Drinking to remember, or forget?" came a deep raspy voice to Sarah's left; Sarah turned and saw Rex Horn leaning on the bar. Sarah had never watched a film starring Rex Horn, though she knew Chuck was a fan of his. As Sarah eyed Rex's salt and pepper hair, short grey beard, and golden wedding ring, she finally spoke.
"I can't afford to forget; the memories are all I got left," Sarah said sadly before taking another pull of her scotch; Rex simply nodded and spoke again.
"Murray, how bout a Negroni?" Rex said to the bartender.
"Sure thing, Boss," Murray said and went to work, while Rex turned his attention back to Sarah.
"I don't think we've been formally introduced; my agent and publicist invited so many people to this party, I don't know who half of the people here even are!" Rex said with a small chuckle; Sarah gave him a small smile.
"Name's Barstow, Charlotte Barstow," Sarah said with a hint of disdain for the name that she quickly buried in another drink of her scotch. Rex simply chuckled and nodded in thanks as Murray placed his Negroni in front of him.
"So, what is it you do Ms. Barstow?" Rex asked before he took a sip of his drink; Sarah paused to think of a cover quickly, but decided she just didn't give a crap anymore.
"I'm between jobs at the moment," Rex simply gave her a look of shock.
"Really?" Sarah simply nodded.
"I was in law enforcement for a long time, but I was fired; thank you for your service, but we don't want you anymore," Sarah said with a disgusted grumble that made Rex laugh; Sarah gave Rex a small glare.
"Sorry, I shouldn't laugh; you just look a little young for the surly ex-cop routine," Rex said, which got a small laugh from Sarah, who simply nodded.
"I couldn't care less about the job; to be honest, I wouldn't mind forgetting all about it actually," Sarah said as she finished her scotch and motioned to the bartender for another.
"Then you must be remembering whoever that tattoo is about," Rex said to Sarah, who simply nodded.
"You read Latin?" Sarah asked Rex in mild shock, he simply nodded.
"Languages are a hobby of mine," Rex said simply, Sarah simply nodded in understanding and spoke once again.
"Then to answer your original question, you would be correct; bout the only thing from my past, worth remembering," Sarah said as Murray placed another scotch in front of her.
"Must have been some guy," Rex said to Sarah who merely nodded.
"The best," Sarah said with an absent stare before she sighed and turned to face Rex. "I'm sorry Mr. Horn, I don't think I'm going to be very good company tonight," Sarah said honestly to Rex, who simply nodded and stood up from the bar.
"I understand completely Ms. Barstow, but think of it this way," Rex began as he closed the distance between them and spoke to Sarah in a caring tone. "At least you were there with him for however long you had; at least you have memories of him to think about. I missed both of my son's first steps, their first words, first days of school, school plays, baseball games, I missed so many moments in their lives. They're both grown now and living on the other side of the country; not a day goes by where I don't regret how much time I missed while I was making movies. So many times, I had the chance to make memories with my boys, but I couldn't because of the job. Thankfully I've got a second chance with my two adopted daughters, I'm going to get to make those memories," Rex said to Sarah who gave him a thoughtful smile and grabbed her scotch.
"To memories, the ones we have and the promise of memories yet to be made," Sarah said as she raised her glass to Rex who raised his own; their glasses clinked and they both sipped their drinks.
"Well said Ms. Barstow. Now, I have to go mingle, enjoy the party," Rex said as he finished his Negroni in one go, nodded to Sarah, and walked off to go mingle. Sarah took a few more minutes to finish her drink and then stood up and left the bar to walk around.
This mansion was massive and it could be a long time before this mystery man found her and she finally got to leave this place; it was strange, the completion of this mission wasn't just her ticket out of this mansion, it was her ticket out of this life. If everything went according to plan, she'd be a civilian by tomorrow morning; what the hell was Sarah going to do as a civilian? Sarah had never lived in the private sector as they say in government, she'd never been a civilian in the normal sense. The one time she'd been asked to hold down a real job, she'd burned more corndogs than she thought possible; Sarah was so bad at the Wienerlicious that the CIA bought the place and turned it into a frozen yogurt shop, just so she didn't have to burn wieners anymore.
The bigger question was, what was Sarah going to do in the real world without Chuck in her life? Sarah had no real family, no real friends outside the spy life, and yet tomorrow she'd be on her own. Part of Sarah wanted to tell the government to fuck off and stay in Burbank, just tell them that she was a civilian and be with Chuck anyways. Sarah knew that wasn't a possibility though; there was no way, Beckman would allow that potential future to playout. Sarah living with and dating Chuck, even as a civilian would be a national security risk; Sarah would be out of the loop, so if she grew worried that Chuck was in danger of termination, she might get spooked and take him on the run. At least, that's what Sarah knew Beckman and Hawthorne would worry about, and why they'd never allow her to stay close to Chuck. Beckman would probably sooner throw Chuck in a bunker than allow Sarah to be in his life, even as a civilian. No, Sarah knew she had to stay away; regardless of that, Sarah knew she couldn't leave town without seeing him. Sarah was so close to him, she could sneak into his room for a little while, just to watch him sleep, that's all she wanted. Sarah didn't even need to speak to him, just the chance to look at him, to be near him, that's all she wanted.
Sarah leaned up against the corner of a couch in the living room area of the house and let out a depressed sigh; she was a woman without a purpose, a being without a home to return to; Sarah had one once, but that was twenty years ago. Sarah had hoped she'd found a new home, a better home with the Bartowski's, but like everything in life, the moment was fleeting and it passed in a flash. Sarah had given everything to the CIA, she'd killed for them, bleed for them, she'd tainted her soul for them. Sarah had done things that she'd never be able to forgive herself for, she'd degraded herself in the name of the ultimate false god, the Greater Good. It was the illusion that they sold agents on, there was no greater good, only the self-interest of the boss above you. Priorities change all the time with an administration change, so the only constant in the spy life is the self-interest of those around you. It had taken Sarah far too long to see that; she'd been blinded by the loyalty to a false god for too long, to her own detriment.
Sarah had given them everything, she'd sacrificed her soul to atone for the sins of her youth; in repayment, they'd taken everything from her. Graham had started it, he'd stripped her of her identity, replaced it with a thousand names and backgrounds. The CAT Squad had hardened her into the cold, jaded agent she was. Bryce shattered all of her, she'd loved for the first time, only to be betrayed when he supposedly turned rogue in the middle of a mission and disappeared on her. Her reputation destroyed, she'd been demoted and sent to work with Ryker, who'd tried to strip away her soul. Seduction missions, countless assassinations, Ryker and, by extension Graham, had attempted to blacken her soul until it disappeared completely.
Then Chuck had come into her life and undid all of their work; all of their hard work to unmake her as a person was itself undone by the nerd from Burbank, just because he was a good person. He'd shown her love, caring, family, normal life; Chuck had reawakened her soul, pulled the real her back to the surface for the first time since she was a teenager. In repayment for Chuck's good deeds towards her soul, she'd fallen in love with him; he'd loved her soul back to health, so she'd worked hard to repair his shattered confidence, give him back all that he'd lost after Stanford. They were the ying to the other's yang, two pieces that had been fated to fit together, soulmates destined to meet and heal the other's soul of all that was ailing them.
Then Beckman had torn them apart, gutted her soul until nothing was left; she'd torn them apart, two souls desperate for the other, but fated to be apart for eternity. Sarah had greatly respected General Beckman for a long time, Beckman had risen through the ranks in an era when that wasn't easy. Beckman had been a spy like Sarah, she'd been there, done that, Beckman knew what the life was like. That was why Beckman's betrayal had hurt as much as it did; to have one of your heroes take away the most important part of you, the part of you that gives everything else meaning, that was unforgivable.
Sarah felt someone bump into her from behind, but she didn't think much of it, the party was a big one and the place was crowded so it was probably nothing. As Sarah's mind continued to spiral down and down the rabbit whole of depression that Chuck's scent had brought on, she couldn't help but wish this asshole would find her already.
"Yeah, just stubbed my…" came a voice from behind Sarah, it was faint, but familiar; Sarah simply ignored it, her mind was just playing games with her at this point.
"Forever yours, forever alone," as the words filled the air, that voice was back, but this time Sarah couldn't ignore it. Sarah would recognize that voice anywhere, only one man sounded like that… her nerd. "Ms. Barstow?" came the voice nervously. Sarah's blood ran cold in realization, Chuck was behind her, Chuck was the person she was here to extract! Slowly Sarah turned around and saw a tall man in a well-tailored, tuxedo; as she looked up at his face, a pair of hazel eyes and a mop of brunette curls greeted her that she thought she'd never see again.
"Chu-Chuck?" Sarah stuttered out in shock as she went pale in complete shock, how was he here, why was he here? Why had they sent her all the way to LA to extract Chuck from a rich man's house in LA, wasn't Casey around here somewhere? He looked equally shocked in his glasses and tux, obviously he was the man she was here to meet, hence them telling her she'd recognize him.
"Sarah," came Chuck's reply, it was almost silent; his mind looked like it was frozen up, paralyzed like she felt.
In Chuck's mind, a hundred-thousand scenarios and explanations were paying out in his head in explanation for why they'd send him in to extract a woman he was in love with, who they had barred him from ever seeing. This place was so low security, it was almost laughable, so why was Sarah here?
"What the hell is Walker doing here?" Casey said into Chuck's ear; Chuck simply swallowed and decided that the cover was needed right now, if only for the sake of his composure.
"Ms. Barstow, I assume?" Chuck began, Sarah simply nodded mutely. "Sam Watkins, I don't think we've been formally introduced," he said in an attempt to maintain the cover; for Sarah her mind was reeling and it was a moment before she finally snapped out of her shock induced paralysis and responded within the cover.
"Charlotte Barstow, but please call me Charlie, I've been look for you all night, Sam," Sarah said back to Chuck as she used everything in repertoire to maintain her composure and not simply leap into his arms and cry. Chuck simply nodded to her with a hint of a smile on his face.
"Yeah, my boss told me to put on this ridiculous tux and come find you here," Chuck said, hoping Sarah would understand his meaning; Chuck saw the understanding in her eyes and it made him smile, it was just like old times.
"Really? My boss flew me out here to do something similar," Sarah said as she closed some of the distance between them and laid a hand on his chest, she saw him swallow nervously.
"It would appear neither of us was given the complete picture," Chuck said as he felt Sarah's fingers on his lapel, her fingers felt like they were tracing fire over him.
"We'll just have to ask them about it in the morning, now won't we?" Sarah asked coyly as she looked up into his hazel eyes. Chuck simply nodded silently as he stared down into her deep pools of sapphire; if he wasn't careful, he could get lost in there.
"Well, now that introductions are out of the way, how about a drink?" Chuck offered, Sarah hesitated considering she'd already had a fair amount to drink, but what was one more?
"Lead the way," Sarah said with a smile to Chuck who nodded and walked them both over to the bar.
"Hello sir, what will you be having?" Murray asked Chuck.
"A manhattan," Chuck said before turning back to Sarah and simply watching her.
"And for you Ms. Barstow, another scotch perhaps?" Murray asked Sarah who shook her head no.
"Not this time Murray, I'll have a mojito," Sarah said with a small smile and then turned back towards Chuck, to find him simply watching her. Sarah blushed under the weight of his gaze and gave him an embarrassed smile "What?"
"You are just breathtaking," Chuck said honestly to Sarah, which made her blush even more; it was at that moment when their drinks arrived. Sarah reached out and took a sip of her drink; it was honestly her cocktail of choice, given the opportunity.
"You know, I really shouldn't be doing this," Sarah began with a small smile as she saw the curious look on Chuck's face.
"Doing what exactly?" Chuck said as he leaned a little closer to her.
"You see, there's this guy over in Burbank, who I'm absolutely head over heels in love with; I just know he'd be devastated to learn I was out flirting with hunky guys in nice suits," Sarah said slyly to Chuck as her eyes flashed to his tuxedo; Chuck suppressed a laugh and nodded.
"It's probably for the best then, because there is this girl I know; she lives in DC and I'm head over heels in love with her too. I know she'd be just crushed if she knew I was out here flirting with stunning blondes in slinky dresses," Chuck said as his eyes drank in her stunning dress; Sarah simply shook her head and giggled.
"Mr. Watkins, you are incorrigible," Sarah said to Chuck, who simply shrugged and sipped his manhattan.
"Guilty," Chuck said simply; Sarah grabbed her mojito and held it up.
"How about a toast?" Sarah offered, Chuck grabbed his drink and held it up waiting for Sarah to continue. "To not seeing other people, no matter how slinky the dress, or how well tailored the suit may be," Sarah offered to Chuck, who simply chuckled and nodded.
"I'll drink to that," Chuck said with a smile.
"God, you two are going to make me puke all over the van," Casey said into Chuck's ear, which simply pissed Chuck off, breaking the spell instantly.
"I am standing next to the person I love most in the entire world, for maybe the last time in my entire life, Casey. There is obviously more to this mission than we were told, but even still, by tomorrow morning she'll be gone and I'll be alone again. So shut the fuck up and let me have this," Chuck said angrily into his coms, much to Sarah and Casey's shock. He'd said it quietly, so only Sarah had heard it, but his sudden outburst had surprised her. Casey shut up promptly, feeling properly chastised for his remark.
Sometimes it was easy to forget how much Chuck had lost since the 49B. With Walker here, it was so easy to forget that it wasn't like the good old days of six weeks ago. Bartowski was absolutely right to be angry at Casey, given the circumstances; who knows if he'd ever get another chance to see Walker again after this. Casey simply shut off his microphone and the rest of his equipment, with Walker there, this mission posed zero danger to Bartowski. Casey pulled out his phone and shot Chuck a quick text.
You're right, hitch a ride with Walker as planned
With that text sent, Casey returned to the driver's seat and drove the van away; back inside Rex Horn's mansion, Sarah was simply watching Chuck. Casey had obviously said something over coms that had set Chuck off; Chuck didn't used to be short tempered and she didn't know if she'd ever heard him say fuck, ever, so she was worried. How bad had the last six weeks been for him? Deciding it was time to drop the cover, Sarah laid a hand on Chuck's arm to grab his attention. When Chuck looked at Sarah, he saw the love in her eyes.
"Chuck, let's get some air," Chuck simply nodded and the two of them grabbed their drinks and walked out towards the dance floor and tables. Chuck had to smile as he felt Sarah's empty hand find his and hold on to him. For some reason, Beckman had ordered Chuck to sneak into Rex Horn's house to "extract" Charlotte Barstow, real name Sarah Walker. If that wasn't strange enough, Sarah had also been ordered to sneak in and extract him. What was happening? Why had this whole thing been set up? Was this just some cruel joke, or was this little rendezvous meant to be a treat for their precious Intersect, in hopes to placate him? Chuck had so many questions and he knew Sarah didn't have answer for them. Regardless of his confusion, Sarah was here with him and he was determined to make the most of this moment. Who knows how much longer he'd have with her, before it all came crashing down around them again like it always seemed to?
"One mission at a time, Chuck," he mused to himself.
CHARMING'S AUTHOR'S NOTE #4: So there you have it, Charah is reunited once again; can broken hearts heal in one night? Sarah's heart is shattered, hollowed out by loss; can the love of her nerd fill all of those empty spaces in her heart in just one night? Leave me a review and share your thoughts, I love to hear from you all!
CHARMING'S AUTHOR'S NOTE #5: I feel like one more chapter and then an epilogue is all we've got left for this journey, but I reserve the right to alter that if inspiration hits. Regardless of that, the next chapter is going to be a real emotional journey for all parties involved.
UNTIL NEXT TIME :D