Chapter Seven
"Melt my heart to stone"
"Mama, I am calm." Tears burned her eyes and her lower lip trembled. "It's not here." Olivia sat back against the frame of the closet door, defeated.
After a few minutes of silently listening to her daughter sniffle Maya spoke. "Baby I just don't want you to have an anxiety attack. So breathe." It was an order, and Maya wasn't one to repeat herself. Olivia counted to ten and took two deep breaths.
"It was sitting on my dresser. Just four days ago, my stupid roommate took it out of the closet, and Fitz asked me about it. I fell asleep and it was gone, I guess." She broke into sobs again, struggling through a hiccup. "It's so dumb, it took me days to realize it was missing."
"Who is Fitz? And why was he in your dorm?" Maya asked. Like a water spout, Olivia's tears dried up, now kicking herself for letting that detail slip out.
"Fitz wouldn't steal from me." Was all she offered on this subject of Fitz. She didn't want to and didn't have time to explain what their dynamic was. And especially not to her hopeless romantic mother. One conversation with Maya Pope concerning boys, she'd have Olivia convinced that the entire male population is in love with her. And whereas the sentiment was nice, it wasn't the kind of advice she needed at the moment.
"Okay, we'll come back to it later." Maya sighed "If you can't find it I think you should report it stolen to the administrators. And then your father and I will make a report to the police."
"What if it's already sold?"
"Don't talk like that, have a little optimism and it won't hurt to look around some more, maybe it fell and rolled under your bed, but don't get yourself all riled up. You know dad and I will come down there." Maya warned, lovingly.
"Okay, mama."
Tuesday, March 2, 2007
Olivia relaxed against the strong arms that wrapped around her waist and lifted her off the ground, spinning her around. His scent, the warmth of his pressed against. This was what torture felt like, she was convinced. Fitz carried her off from Abby and the rest of the gang. Olivia adored how natural it felt to have his hands on her body, but she didn't want to focus on it. Since he had told her he had a girlfriend, she didn't know what to do with him. Not that she was any less awkward and reserved before she knew that nasty detail.
At night she found herself feeling pathetic when she'd imagine kissing him just so she could fall asleep. Something changed not that she would admit it but it seemed like Fitz hadn't noticed. This was the first time she's seen him since he had to leave last week. One night when she was worse off from sleep, she closed her eyes and imagined Fitz asking her to go with him and then he sealed it with a kiss. Their relationship lived in her fantasy and that's where it was safe. Or at least that's what she told herself.
"I'm glad you're out of bed," Fitz said smiling, hugging her with one arm around her neck.
"How was California?" Olivia asked
"Hot. Spring break is practically already there. Which reminds me, what are you doing for spring break?"
"Going home, I don't really have plans" Olivia shrugged, nibbling at her cuticle.
"Come to New Jersey with me. You can finally meet Mellie, you can even bring Abby if you want." The blood in her body stopped flowing at the mention of her name. It was insane to hate someone she's never met, but even her name made bile rise in her throat.
Olivia gulped softly "Can I get back to you? I promised my parents I wouldn't get into any trouble, so I have to think about it." Already thinking of ways to get out of going, a weekend of watching Mellie gaze lovingly into Fitz's eyes wasn't her idea of a good time. And even though she knew she was more than mature enough to share the space, she didn't know if her heart could recover.
"When have you ever gotten into any trouble with me…besides that night." Fitz stuck his neck out to prove his point when she couldn't come up with any examples. "I'm sure mama and papa pope will be happy that you're hanging out with such a good influence. And I think you and Mellie will really get along." He clapped his hands together and stuck out his bottom lip like a puppy. "Please say yes"
Olivia pulled his hands apart and sent him a small smile. "I gotta talk to my Mama first, and then I'll think about it. Okay?"
"Okay. And a plus is that you get to ride with me."
"Mama I feel better now, I'm out of bed and my classes are going well," Olivia said for the third time now. Trying to convince her mother that she was in fact in good health was a challenge in itself. How was she going to bring up that she might be- well considering driving two hours across New Jersey to spend the weekend with her crush and his girlfriend? It wasn't rational, but still, she was considering it.
"Mama was just worried, baby, but I trust you." Maya pauses, her voice softens and Olivia can hear the smile that's spread across her mother's face. "How's everything else? Have you been seeing Crystal?"
"Yes mama, we agreed that I'm doing better. I haven't had…an episode since I've been here. She's really helping." Olivia said as her eyes went upward to the right, and a smile made itself a home on her face. "I have friends, everything really is okay." Olivia was an open book when it came to her mother, she couldn't hide the truth if she tried, Maya had a Ph.D. in Olivia Carolyn Pope. So when Maya circled the conversation back around to Fitz, she wasn't surprised that her mother caught the sweetness that was there when she uttered his name.
But Olivia didn't want to go into detail about Fitz out of fear of pushing herself deeper into her feelings for the boy who was just out of her reach. No matter how many nights they stayed up late studying and Fitz falling asleep on her floor couldn't compare to the five-plus years that Melody and Fitz spent having an actual relationship, not the fantasy she conjured up in her head. Sharing food, laughing, and light touches that would leave her head spinning. She couldn't help wondering if Fitz felt the electricity that sparked through her whenever he was inches from her face.
"We're just friends," Olivia muttered after a long pause. Hearing the short sigh from her mother's side encouraged her to end the call before she sent herself into a spiral of heartache. "It's late mama, I think I'm gonna get ready for bed."
"Okay, baby. Oh one more thing, are you coming home next week?"
"um...I was gonna talk to you and daddy about that, my friends are going to Cape May for the week and asked if I wanted to come along" Olivia flinched at the budding silence on the other end. "I haven't said yes, yet.
"I'll tell your father, he'll be worried but I trust you baby. Go have fun with your friends." Maya said.
"I'll be on my best behavior and I'll check in with you and daddy when we arrive and every day that I'm there. I love you, mama." Olivia said as her cheeks heated with delight. "Goodnight."
Placing the blackberry on her side table, Olivia laid back against her fluffy pillows sighing contently. She thought about picking up the phone again and calling Fitz this time to tell him that she was on board, instead she just laid there running the plans for next week in her head. Wondering how her father would take the news and if he would be hurt that she'd rather spend her break with "strangers" as he would call them, but quickly reminded herself that her mother would reign him in.
Suddenly Olivia felt water splash against her skin, raising she looked at her leg and then up at the ceiling. At first glance, she thought she was imagining the water dripping from the ceiling until her purple duvet darkened with the presence of water. She sprang out of bed, went to her closet tossed a pair of jeans on, and left her dorm heading for the RA's office.
To Olivia's horror and Tory the RA, girls were coming out of their dorms with towels and frowns trying to stay the waters but it just kept flowing and appeared to be coming from under Olivia's door. Which was why the dirty looks were aimed at her. Opening the door Olivia's white and pink k-swiss shoes were flooded. But that didn't matter after she and the RA turned their heads to the ceiling peering at the gaping hole with water pouring out like a waterfall that turned Olivia's bed into a river.
"Holy shit" the RA turned to find the disembodied voice and found Kelly, Olivia's roommate, earning an eye roll from Olivia. Eventually, the RA stepped out of Olivia's dorm and went to call the police and fire department and Kelly walked in.
"Sorry about your bed." But she was met with an icy shoulder. "I could help you pack your stuff. This happened before they'll just set you up in a hotel for the night."
Olivia scoffed, pressing the blackberry to her ear "Thanks but no thanks, I wouldn't want to tempt your kleptomania." Moving past to open her closet so she could start packing but found that the closet was leaking just like the rest of her room.
"Come on Abby, where the hell are you?" she said hanging up the phone, it wasn't like Abby to not answer on the first ring but then again it was late. Scrolling through her contacts there was only one other person who lived close and she knew would answer. But still, she hated feeling like an interruption especially when it came to Fitz, and against her insecurities, Olivia dialed his number.
She recognized that black BMW from across the parking lot and when Fitz pulled up in the front space, he stepped out in dark blue jeans and a gray sweater, his curls looked damped as if he just hopped out of the shower and ran to her aide. Frowning as he tripped over the curb but caught himself and played it off. Olivia was glad to see him though.
Fitz's gaze traveled down her body, shaking from the cool air and the fact that her jeans were soaked from her thighs down didn't really help. But he caught his gaze returning to her thighs, lusting after the way the wet jeans clung to her. The sirens in the distance made him worry, but now that he could see Olivia was alright he just wanted to focus on getting her inside and out of the cold. And out of those wet clothes. Not like that! Fitz chastised himself, for even letting the thought turn dirty in his head.
"Omigod, thank you so much, Fitz," Olivia said, throwing her shivering arms around his neck hugging him tight with much appreciation. Unmistakingly inhaling a whiff of hard liquor on his breath. "Have you been drinking?" She asked.
He shook his head. "A pipe burst?" Fitz asked, quizzically looking down at the large plastic tub that held clothes and other soaked belongings of Olivia's. His hands rested at her waist as he led her to the passenger side of the car. And once Olivia was inside the warm car he stepped away and grabbed her stuff, depositing it into the trunk.
Olivia: Abby, call me when you see this.
"This is the kitchen, and the guest bathroom is just down that hall," Fitz said, carrying the crate into his apartment. "The washer and dryer are behind that door that looks like a closet." Olivia was quietly taking in his apartment when he turned and asked what she needed. Drinking in the luxury of his place, she gulped no longer shivering.
"Can I shower?" Her large brown doe eyes met his. "I won't make a mess."
"Of course, towels, and I have soap." Fitz chuckled, he didn't know why he was suddenly acting nervous around Olivia. But with a few drinks in him, he wasn't in a normal state of mind. "I'm sorry, I had a couple of drinks before you called. I'm not drunk but scotch makes me loopy."
"Fitz you drove drunk?" Her words were spilling out faster than she could catch them. "What is wrong with you?" Her knuckles whitened as her grip tightened around the cell phone, and her voice trembled but not because she was cold. Olivia's chest vibrated with every shaky breath she inhaled, each breath more shallow than the last-until suddenly she felt a heavy hand on her shoulder, paired with Fitz's sweet voice breaking through her wild running thoughts.
"Livvie are you okay, here sit down." With the hand that was holding her shoulder, he lightly pressed her backward so that she'd sit down on the couch. "What's wrong?" He asked crouching down to look at her but she had buried her face in her palms and began crying. Not sobbing but a quiet cry that left her shaking.
He was grateful that she called, in truth, he missed her while he was away but he could sense that since he's been back and well before he left that Olivia was being distant with him. Cutting their study sessions short, and hanging out with Abby more, which is why he wasn't surprised to hear that she called the redhead first. "We have snacks, water, juice, tea 'cause I know you hate coffee." Fitz stood and sat next to her letting her cry out whatever was going on. And after about fifteen minutes her breathing returned to normal and she lifted her head out of her hands.
"C-can I still use your shower." She spoke softly, sniffing and her grip on the phone was still tight trying to keep her hands from shaking. She just kept thinking about what could've happened tonight because he chose to drive intoxicated and it was partly her fault because she begged him to come get her.
"Whatever you need, Livvie," Fitz said, but still, he worried about what just happened and how often she experiences episodes like that. But he didn't want to make her feel self-conscious or abnormal, as a medical student he was being trained to look at everything under a microscope but he didn't want to do that to Olivia not now.
While Olivia showered, Fitz made himself a cup of coffee to sober up a bit because he didn't want to say the wrong thing, not at what seemed to be a fragile moment for her.
Fitz carried his mug of black coffee to his mini laundry room and began ringing out her clothes and tossing them into the washer machine. Every so often he took a swig of coffee. After the first load, he found himself waiting in the living room until she was finished in the bathroom.
"Fitz?" He turned, looking over the back of the sofa and there she stood in a plush white towel wrapped around her chest. Her dark curls cascaded down her shoulders, and her face glowed. Her brown eyes locked on his. He was stuck, his mouth dry, stomach fluttering. "Sorry to ask, but it looks like everything is still in the washer."
Look away.
Where?
Anywhere else. Fitz averted his gaze to the floor but caught his own eyes betraying him as they raised to her wet leg, water beads against her brown skin made something in him stir. "Right, like a shirt?"
"Do you have any sweats or shorts? I'm sorry again." Olivia said, her brow creasing as he left the room. By now she was used to Fitz being his overconfident self, so to see him stumble over his words and blushing-she was caught by surprise.
Girlfriend. He has a girlfriend.
Fitz returned with a pair of Nike gray sweatpants and his orange Princeton sweatshirt. "This okay?"
"Yeah, thanks." Olivia smiled, heading back to the bathroom. This time when she came out her hair was neatly interwoven into two braids, sitting on her shoulder. His clothes fit her fine but she had to roll up the pant legs and tuck the waist in.
"Looks better on you than it does me." Fitz gulped, "Are you hungry, thirsty? There's pizza warming in the oven and there's soda or… or tea."
"No I'm alright, Abby is coming to get me. I hate that I ruined your night with- this." Olivia gestured around herself.
"You didn't. I was on my way home when you called, and I'm sorry that was completely irresponsible of me." Fitz said.
Her mouth moved like she wanted to object or say something to make him feel less guilty but she didn't, and neither of them said anything for a while. No Tv or music was playing to make this less awkward. In the two months that they've become friends, there haven't been many quiet moments.
"Oh, I-"
"How often do you have panic attacks, Livvie." The question threw her, but it wasn't a question. It was a statement, a cold hard fact. One that left her feeling more exposed than she was willing to address. "What happened to you?" This time he shifted so that he was looking her in the eye so that she couldn't hide from him.
"What do you mean?"
"Car accident right? You double-check your seatbelt every time we're in the car, you have a scar just above your rib cage, and you have just had a panic attack." His voice was gentle and careful but Olivia couldn't hide her discomfort around the conversation.
But she was saved by the bell, her phone buzzed and it was the perfect chance to change the subject. She just didn't realize how much he'd been paying attention to her, it made her thoughts run but also made her want to retreat. He was too close.
"Abby's here. Can I leave my things here just until the morning?"
She doesn't trust me. "Yeah," exasperated, he agreed.
"Goodnight Fitz, thanks for everything."
"Goodnight Livvie."
As soon as Olivia got in Abby's blue Toyota a million different questions were hurled at her. Ones that she didn't know how to answer and some were just the redhead being nosy. As much as she loved her and Abby's growing friendship, she could be very judgemental.
"What happened, and why are you wearing his clothes?"
"Didn't you get my texts? My dorm flooded and you can't be mad 'cause I called you first. By the way, can I spend the night?
"Did you sleep with him?" Abby asked quickly. Really it seemed like it just fell out of her mouth.
"No, can we please go now?"
When they arrived at Abby's family home, her mother opened the door with a blanket in her hands, welcoming Olivia in. "It was a little water, not Katrina." Abby quickly led Olivia away from her nutcase of a mother, as Abby would put it.
"Heads up the guys are downstairs."
"You told them where I was? you know Harrison and Huck know jake what if they-"
"I didn't tell them anything, David brought them when he came. And I thought you said nothing happened." Abby raised her brow and folded her arms.
"Nothing happened but Jake is weirdly possessive."
"Because he thinks you're his girlfriend but in reality, you're shacking up with Fitzgerald." Abby sighed, throwing her arms up defeated. Now she was just being plain dramatic. "You need to make up your mind, Jake or Fitz but you can't have them both."
"I don't want Jake," Olivia said in a hushed tone. "And Fitz is-"
"In a relationship, serious from what I hear. Liv I'm just trying to be a good friend and give you good advice. If you think you can win 'rich boy' or take him from his girlfriend, do that but don't sneak around like a scared kid. Cause it's not fair to you and I think you can do so much better, I mean Harrison is right down" Abby gestured to the basement door.
"Complicated, I was gonna say complicated. But I get the point, I'm gonna talk to him, both of them."
Abby sent her a knowing look as she walked downstairs. Immediately Olivia pulled out her Blackberry.
Jake, we need to talk soon.
Reflexively she chipped away at her white nail polish, enough to free her thumbnail, then started chewing away at her perfect manicure.
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Also, a few of y'all are catching my drift as far as Fitz's characters go. He's not a bad person, he just needs direction...SOMETIMES