Chapter Eleven
"If You Ever Wanna Be In Love"
March 29, 2007, Off-Campus Apartments
Mellie tucked the small brown box under her arm and closed the door with her foot. The mailbox was full when they arrived at Fitz's apartment not that he cared. He didn't seem to care about much of anything these past few weeks, his professors were forgiving of his missed lectures and labs because they'd heard of the accident. Frankly, Mellie thought they were just glad that the A student was alright.
And she was too!
She set the box on the side of the coffee table and picked the broom up again. The delivery man had interrupted her cleaning day. When Fitz woke up she wanted him to wake up to a clean house and dinner, something that she hoped would bring back the old Fitz. Since they had left the hotel he's been different. That was the only way she could describe him.
The Fitz she knew and fell in love with was missing and maybe it was because he almost died. Death can change a person. But Mellie had been doing herself and him a favor by not pushing about what happened in cape may.
Mellie stopped sweeping and glanced up. All that matters is that he's here with me. No more Jake, no more homewreckers.
"Do you move my scotch?" Fitz asked from his leaning post against the wall. From where Mellie was standing he could barely hold himself up but he was out here looking for more booze.
"I'll bring it to you," Mellie said.
Just us. Because in a year she'll walk down the aisle and they'll promise; for better or for worse and in sickness and in health.
So If Fitz needed to drink away his brush with death then Mellie would be here to help him through it.
Chestnut hills, PA
The bed groaned as Olivia tossed and flopped for the millionth time in the span of twenty minutes. A searing pain was radiating through her fingers and the pain medicine wasn't working fast enough. But that wasn't the only reason she couldn't find sleep.
How is he?
Does he hate me?
Why would he hate me?
For acting like a child and refusing to talk to him.
Olivia sits up switching on the lamp, golden warm light swarms the room. And her gaze automatically shifts to the single Pink peony on the top of her dresser. She knew who the flower came from the moment Corey came swinging it in her face.
She just couldn't get rid of him, he was everywhere all at once. Fitz stayed on her mind 24/7. She loved him, and that's why his betrayal hurt more. How could he not tell her was getting married?
Olivia raised a brow at the small pitter-patter of her little brother's feet. Wondering what he was doing up at this time, she glanced at the clock that read 3 A.M. Maybe, like her, he couldn't sleep, this first week home proved to be more than Olivia accounted for. She and her mother still weren't on the best of terms mainly because Maya wasn't that easily forgiving, she could tell by her mother's distance that what she said hit a sore spot. But by the time she apologized, it was too late the damage had been done.
The small voice broke Olivia from her thoughts. "Livia," Corey said sleepily, as he pushed her door open.
"What are you doing up?"
"I'm hungry." Olivia sighed and then smiled as she tossed the blankets off her legs. Her leg was healing but she still needed crutches to get around, and since she was being stubborn and refused to sleep downstairs in the guest bedroom she had to make it work getting up and down the stairs.
"You're always hungry, come on."
Downstairs, Olivia fixed Corey a bowl of cereal and decided to have a cup of chamomile tea to help her sleep. Leaning against the counter she gingerly sipped the potent but pleasant drink.
Corey with a mouth full of Cap'n crunch asked "Can you bring Fitz home this summer?"
"What?... no" What the hell did Fitz say to her brother in a short time that has him so enamored with him? For days he wouldn't shut up about how cool Fitz was because he broke a stupid bone.
Kids
"You don't want him to be your boyfriend?" He lifted a quizzical brow while spooning more cereal into his mouth. It was adorable, sometimes Corey could still turn on his kid charm and melt all her frustration away, and sometimes he was too smart for his age.
Sighing, she set the mug down. "I do but he already has a girlfriend."
"I think he wants to be your boyfriend."
"Why?"
"Because he loves you…he brought you like one hundred flowers. and plus dad says 'I love you' to mom after he gives her flowers. So that means Fitz loves you too." Corey says a small clueless smile playing on his little face.
"I think I love him too. But what about his girlfriend?" She asked as if he could possibly know anything about relationships and romance.
"You should ask his mom if you can marry him." Corey pushed his bowl away and then jumped down off the stool. "And then he'll give you flowers at the wedding and then you'll be his girlfriend forever."
"How do you know this?" She asked while rinsing his bowl out.
"When Shrek knew he loved Fiona he brought her a flower and then she married Shrek and now they live in the swamp together." Corey yawned. "And then Fitz can come here for the summer."
"I see your motives." Olivia smiled. It was the first time she smiled in weeks, it was the first time she actually felt okay- like the world wasn't crashing down on her shoulders. "Go to bed," she said, releasing him from the quick hug.
"Goodnight, Livia."
This time when Olivia laid her head against the pillow and closed her eyes she was able to fall asleep.
September's window faced the front of the house so the sun was always shining through her curtains. Olivia didn't change a thing, except for when she made space in her sister's closet for her things but besides that, it was the same as September left it the morning of graduation. Most of the time while Olivia lay in September's bed gazing at the glow-in-dark star-spangled ceiling, she wondered what her life would be like if September were here. And other times she wonders how September would have coped if she had been the one to die that day.
It was a little after 10 am when Olivia rolled over and grabbed the Blackberry off the dresser. Sighing, and kicking herself for a whole ten minutes after she pulled Fitz's contact up, leaving it on the call screen, all she had to do was hit the button.
Something Corey said last night while munching on his cereal had her thinking: she didn't want to be a coward, she knew her feelings for Fitz and despite his situation, the kiss they shared wasn't just a kiss, it set something inside her off. Even through hurt and anger, she couldn't stop thinking of him, wondering what he would have said that night in the hospital.
Quickly, with her stomach doing somersaults, and only a few seconds to think this through Olivia pressed the green call button.
Brrrrd
Brrrrrd
Brrrrrd
This is Fitz, you got my answering machine. So please leave me a message.
Hearing his voice sent waves down her spine, causing her to shake away the overwhelming emotion that surrounded her.
"Hi…call me when you can, bye"
Olivia tossed her cell and flopped back onto the mountain of pillows.
He'll Call.
At noon Olivia got out of bed in search of a snack and a distraction to keep from waiting by the phone. He was busy, he's back on campus probably, she reasoned. Downstairs her mother and brother sat at the island, dealing out cards.
"Look who finally decided to greet us?" Maya smiled lovingly.
"Hey, Mama. Corey, shouldn't you be at practice?" Olivia asked, raising a brow.
"mind your business." The nine-year-old sassed, with a slight smirk, earning a dab with Olivia's casted fingers. "ow, mommy"
"quit it, Livia, how are you feeling?"
"I was in a little pain last night but I feel okay now."
"Your father will be home later if you still wanna go," Maya said smoothly, but still the insinuation made Olivia tense, mid-opening of the fridge.
"Uh yeah, I'll let you know."
"Livia you haven't been in a while and she needs fresh flowers." The fridge shut so hard that the glass milk carton rattled. "Olivia Caroline."
"I'm going to bed." That was all she said in response. Olivia didn't like going to her sister's grave because it was a harsh reminder that September would always be stuck in one place, while Olivia moved on without her.
Although all the therapists and her parents encouraged her to continue living because that's what September would want, didn't make it any easier.
Nearly three years later, Olivia has done everything to avoid going back there. On the other hand, her parents visited the grave regularly and always kept flowers there.
When Olivia got back up the stairs, a canned coke under her arm and an apple in her pocket she climbed back into bed and looked at her phone.
nothing.
He hates me
no
"ughhh" Olivia screamed into her pillow.
XXXXXXX
"Livvie" a hand shook her shoulder gently, "wake up."
"uh" she groaned, pushing the interruption away. "shhh"
"Olivia you have to take your medicine and eat something, get up." Her father's voice boomed.
"I'm not hungry."
"Well, you still need your medicine."
Olivia rolled over, cutting her eyes at her father. The sun had gone down leaving the sky with a hint of orange fading into navy blue.
"I'll be down in a minute." Eli tweaked his brow towards his daughter, not completely trusting her. "promise."
"You better, and you have some letter from the school."
Olivia rolled her eyes again before grabbing her phone.
March 31st
Mellie turned Fitz's phone back on its face when she heard him stumbling towards the kitchen. Probably looking for a bottle of the good stuff, but she'd poured whatever alcohol that was left in his apartment. Not caring what snobby expensive scotch it was, she just needed him to stop drinking.
"Mellie, what are you doing?" He sounded less lubricated. Like he was coming down, which would be something considering he's been going strong for almost two weeks.
"Your professors are worried about you, there's a big report coming up in your chemistry course."
"So why do you have my phone?"
"It was on the bathroom floor laying near a pile of vomit. I didn't want you to have to buy a new one." Closing his laptop Mellie got off the stool and walked up to his wrapping her arms around him. "How are you feeling?"
"Hungover, my head hurts." Fitz groaned, resting his weight against her more than he should've.
"Do you want tea? I don't think you should take a pain pill while you have alcohol in your system." Mellie says, pulling him towards the island counter so he can sit down.
"How are you still here?" Fitz asked "I just mean you have school, shouldn't you be preparing for finals or whatever."
"I'm taking care of you. Fitz, we are a team, and I-"
Guilt and shame crashed down on him, sobering him up. She was too good to him and Olivia was too good for him. But there was no reason to ruin a good girl, Mellie didn't deserve to be lied to.
"Jake wasn't lying- Liv—Olivia and I kissed." It spilled out of him like hot lava and he could tell when the words hit her. Her shoulders fell, and slowly she turned around from the stove.
"Why?" It was soft and broken and that just made him hurt even more. What had he done?
"I don't know, the heat of the moment, because we couldn't resist. I wish I could say it was an accident but I leaned in when I shouldn't have, and I initiated the second kiss. Mellie, I'm sorry." Fitz was up moving towards her. With tears in her eyes, she backed away from him.
"Do you want her?"
He didn't want to have to answer that question, they both knew it would have been a devastating blow.
"Is she prettier than me? Is she why you pushed back on getting married? When did you even meet this girl?" Like snow tumbling down in an avalanche, her questions fell out one after the other. Tears slid down her face, lip trembling.
"Mellie this isn't that."
"Do you even love me? Why did you ask me to marry you?"
"Because I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."
"Fitz, I forgive you for a stupid kiss. We can go to counseling and work it out."
"But it's not right to lead you on knowing that I have feelings for someone else."
"Do you love her?" Mellie squeezed her eyes making more tears spill down her cheeks. What she saw on his phone tonight, popped into her thoughts. "Answer me." Her voice raised an octave.
"I don't know," Fitz admitted.
"What the hell do you know? Do you not want to marry me?"
"Mellie I don't know, I'm confused. Everything is so fucked up." Fitz scrubbed his hands down his face, sighing.
"That doesn't work for me. You need to tell me right now what it is you want because I know that I'm ready to be Mrs. Fitzgerald Grant. I know that I love you so you have to tell me something."
"I don't know Mellie."
Mellie had qualities he loved, she was the perfect girl.
But what I thought was perfect about Mellie is different when I think of Olivia. She held my heart in the palm of her hand and she didn't even know it. She was sunshine itself, grace personified.
Liv is the love of my life and she won't even talk to me.
How could he tell his fiancé that he wasn't in love with her after 6 years together? But 10 weeks of friendship with Olivia was the closest he'd ever felt to his heart skipping a beat. Now as she stands before him tears stream down her face, heart in pieces. He couldn't ruin her life, not like this.
"Fitz"
"I don't know, Mel."
"You're a bastard." Mellie grabbed her purse off the hook by the door and nearly ran out slamming the door hard behind herself.
"Shit" Fitz grunts out as his phone goes flying into the wall, shattering on impact. Dropping his face into his palms, he didn't know what to do at this point.
XXXXXXXX
April 2nd
Despite the sun shining bright in the sky, everything felt so dull. It seemed like everything he held near and dear was destroyed. His friendship, his fiance and now Olivia was gone, Fitz never thought that he could be so selfish and foolish. Why didn't he know what he wanted? Whereas he could part with Jake easily he could seem to shake Olivia or Mellie for that matter. Still, confusion clouded his head. He hadn't written Olivia's number down anywhere, and he desperately needed to talk to her, or at least try.
Fitz fixed his bag on his shoulder while waiting patiently for the lecture to end. Through the door, he heard what sounded like Professor Davis wrapping up for the day.
He scanned each student that came out of the lecture hall until he saw those long red locks.
"Abby!"
Her long legs carried her far before she finally stopped and turned to him. Abby's conscience reminded her that he was still injured and he looked pitiful trying to fast walk with that big black boot on his leg. "What?"
"So you have a problem with me too?" Fitz backs off a bit, already feeling like shit. "I'm sorry."
"Shouldn't you tell Olivia that?" Abby says, folding her arms across her chest, her face set hard and unforgiving. "Or your fiance, I didn't think you were that much of an asshole. But you did a really shitty thing to both Olivia and your fiance. In my opinion, you don't deserve either of them."
Fitz opened his mouth ready to defend himself but he was guilty of all of it. "What do you want from me?" Abby asked.
"My phone broke and I no longer have Olivia's number, I just want to apologize."
"You're a terrible person, she's trying to heal and you want to bring your drama into her life. I won't help you hurt her again. Take a hint." Abby stormed off so angry that her red locks swung over her shoulder.
"That was tame considering what I've seen Abigail dish out." The comment was humorous.
"Professor Beene, you heard all that?"
"Red's not exactly known for anonymity, though I didn't mean to eavesdrop," Cyrus says, with a small chuckle. In his hand was a glass of bourbon that made Fitz's mouth water. Right about now he felt like going to the nearest liquor store and picking up the cheap stuff. "I can't offer you a drink but I've been told that I give great advice."
Fitz walked into the office, letting his bag fall off his shoulder as he slouched in the chair.
"You and Olivia, huh? I've seen you two around campus, of course, I hadn't realized you were engaged."
"That was before I met Olivia. I just wish this was easier."
"It is, you're straight, try being gay and trying to get married, it's a nonstarter."
"Sorry, Cy." Fitz sat up, leaning forward.
"Make it up to me by becoming president and legalize it." He took another swig and set the glass down. "What do you want?"
The question shouldn't have made Fitz as anxious as it did. "I don't know until I can talk to Olivia. It sounds like a shitty thing to say but I'm not built to be alone, and I love her. I know if I can just tell her then we'll be okay."
"What if you never get the chance?" Cyrus says.
"She's coming back to school, she's just taking the semester but what if it's too late then." Fitz wasn't obvious to the expression that came over Cyrus' face. "What?"
"She's being asked to withdraw, they sent a letter earlier this week…she had a week to respond and she hasn't."
"They can't do that?" Fitz shot up as if the dean of students was in the room and he was going to plead Olivia's case.
"This is an Ivy League institution and that means something to the bigwigs. We have never allowed students to work remotely if it's going to last longer than a week. Olivia is a brilliant young lady, there will be other schools."
"So that's it?" Fitz withered. Defeatedly falling back into the chair.
"Get married, try to be happy. And one day that will be enough." Cyrus says grimly.
XXXXXXX
Thud his brows knitted together as he entered his dim apartment, immediately noticing Mellie's coat and purse hanging on the hook. The last hour put a few things in perspective for him whether or not he was open to Cyrus' suggestion, one thing was clear, he needed to move on from Olivia- he needed to start over and get himself back on track.
"Fitz come sit," Mellie called from the kitchen.
"What's going on?" glancing at his opened laptop and then at Mellie.
"Your professors aren't gonna keep being understanding. Fitz, you must go back to your classes if you want to graduate on time." Many things this week had confused Fitz but Mellie being back in his apartment after their argument like nothing had happened, took the cake.
"We aren't gonna talk about what happened, and where you've been these past few days?"
"First let me say this, Fitz, you asking me to marry you wasn't a mistake, we are made for each other and we work well together. I said yes because I love you and I'm choosing to forget about whatever you had going on with that girl if you promise me that for this point it's just going to be us." Mellie says. And by the expression on her face, she's dead serious.
"Professor Rosen allowed you to email your report in but the others aren't so easily fooled so you'll have to turn in the hard copies tomorrow, they're already typed and printed."
"You did my homework?" It wasn't what he was initially worried about but he sure was stunned.
"For better or for worse, Fitz, I want you to achieve your dreams because my dream is to be your wife." Crossing the room in a stride Fitz gathered her close and kissed her as if his life depended on it.
"You are perfect and I'm sorry I didn't tell you that sooner. Mellie, I want us to grow old together, I want you to marry me…now."
"What?"
"Before the summer, I promise you it's just me and you Mellie." Fitz smiled, clutching her close.
April 3rd
Crystal's office was no bigger than a closet, Olivia had forgotten how small it was, she'd gotten used to Skype, and being able to access sessions from the comfort of her own bedroom. But her parents and Crystal thought it might be more productive to get Olivia out of the house since she wouldn't accompany them to the grocery store or anywhere else that she felt was too far from home. The least they could do was push her out of her comfort zone into a productive setting. And therapy was nothing if not beneficial and productive for Olivia.
Chewing at her thumbnail, her gaze bounced over the room landing back on Crystal and her notepad. Probably noting that the nail-biting is back.
"Is there anything specific you want to discuss today?" Crystal asked.
Olivia hadn't thought of much else besides Fitz for the last few days. So she started there. "Fitz, I called him and texted him, left a voicemail but nothing. I screwed that up and I have to go back to school earlier than I wanted because apparently, Princeton is too good to do remote teaching." She sucked in a long breath, and released it as Crystal raised her brow. Olivia talked fast, it wasn't something she could always control, it was just her mouth trying to keep up with her brain.
"Do you want to go back to school?"
"Yes and no. Yes because my parents can be a little over the top and I enjoyed my independence from them, and no because I love them and Corey needs me…and there's a twinge of embarrassment about the Fitz situation."
"Why do you feel embarrassed, Olivia I think you were brave, you took a leap and didn't try to control the outcome, you just allowed yourself some spontaneity and that shouldn't be punished with shame. And who knows you might get the chance to say what you wanted in person."
Olivia shrugged, the sentiment was nice. "I think I'm just gonna move on, it seems like he has but if I see him I won't be angry, we'll share the campus. It would be exhausting trying to hate Fitz because I don't think I'm capable of it."
I lost and she won. "So I guess that answers the question, I am happy to finish the semester without distractions." She smiled, and it didn't feel forced. She smiled at her present life and her future.
The scowl across Olivia's face was familiar. As her mother pulled into the driveway, they couldn't help but notice Eli lying on his back halfway under the red convertible.
"Why does he want to repair the car so badly?" Olivia asked her mother.
"I think he's hoping that one day you'll drive it. I also think it's how he copes, I wanted it demolished, I hated that car for so long."
"Me too, I don't want it," Olivia says.
"Maybe you'll feel differently when it's finished." Maya pats Olivia's leg.
To be completely honest, a lot of these chapters were prewritten and that's why updates were coming faster. But with this one, I started to change my original ending and rush my creation. This is an olitz slow-burn, a love triangle with many themes of misunderstood unrequited love. So just read and enjoy the message, but it won't be long until we have our couple lol.
I won't be rushing the flow of the story because it throws me off.
p.s. keep tagteaming Fitz lol
See yall next chapter.