Crossword Kisses

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"What's four down? – 'Hogwarts House of author Newt Scamander'?" Neasa asked.

"He was a Hufflepuff," Severus replied.

That morning they sat together on a the small sofa in Severus' living room, both with a copy of the Daily Prophet open to the crossword page. They had decided to take a break from Umbridge's horrible mood in the early morning and take breakfast in the privacy of Snape's room. Outside it was pouring with rain, making the living room even more cozy.

"Do you know five down?" Severus asked. "'Gilderoy Lockhart defeated the blank Banshee'?"

"Bandon – it's in Cork."

"You know he turned out to be a fraud? He hadn't done any of those things he said he had in his books – he took stories from people who had and Obliviated them."

"Really? How do you know that?"

"He used to teach here – Defence Against the Dark Arts – and I've never seen a more incompetent teacher, I swear," Severus replied. "I heard half of his tests were questions about him and not the Dark Arts – Albus probably only hired him as a joke!"

They both laughed out loud, their laughter echoing around the room for a moment before dying down.

Severus looked back to his crossword, a second later chewing his lip in concentration, but his eyes weren't really focused on the newspaper; he was staring at the coffee table beyond it.

"What's on your mind?" Neasa asked softly.

"Hm? – oh – five down."

"I gave you the answer."

"Sorry – six down."

"You already have the answer – Gillyweed."

"I…" he paused. "Alright, I was wondering if… there's a new restaurant opening in Hogsmeade in a few weeks – they're having an opening ceremony and everything, and… would you like to to have dinner there when it opens?"

There was nervousness in his voice, and it made Neasa smile.

"Would you also be in attendance at this dinner?" she asked.

Severus chuckled. "Yes – sorry – I should've said... would you like to have dinner with me on opening night?"

"A date?" she asked.

"If it was a date I would ask you to a restaurant I knew already – where I knew the service was good," Severus joked.

"What wine would you order?" Neasa smiled.

"A foreign one – to make me look classy," Severus said, and Neasa laughed. Then she put her hand on his arm and ran down it until she reached his right hand, which she took in hers.

"Would you hold my hand on the table?" she asked.

"Yes," he said. "And I would give you my cloak if you were cold, and… I'd walk you back to the castle – all the way to your door."

"When you're saying goodnight… would you kiss me?"

Severus reached over and tucked Neasa's hair behind her ear, then cupped the side of her neck. His touch felt electrifying – Neasa felt the hairs on her neck stand up – her breath caught in her throat and she felt her lips part involuntarily.

Severus paused, before answering, "If I thought you wanted me to."

"You would wait for the signal?"

"I would."

Her eyes dropped to his lips, which were parted, and looked irresistibly soft; she looked up and, feeling her heart beat faster in her throat, asked softly, "Are you waiting for it now?"

"That entire conversation was the signal," Severus said with a teasing smile.

"I did make an effort at subtlety."

"I know," he laughed softly, and a moment later leaned his forehead against hers. His breath fanned her skin, faltering as he swallowed deeply; to the outside world he was confident, self-assured, but being inches from kissing Neasa made him so obviously nervous. It melted her heart – was she really the reason he was so flustered?

He was so unlike any other first kiss, too: he was so gentle with her, like he was scared to break her, drawing out each kiss in several breathless seconds; one hand holding the back of her head, and one pulling her closer by her waist. Her heart was beating fast low down in her throat, her stomach twisting itself in knots, her chest and her heart on fire with passion as she returned each of his kisses. She had no idea what to do with her hands – where do you put your hands when you're kissing someone? With one hand, she pushed herself up and deeper into his arms – the other she ran through his soft, black hair.

However much time passed as their lips worked together, Neasa didn't know, but it didn't feel like enough. Now that she was finally kissing Severus – (after day dreaming about this moment for how long, exactly?) – she didn't have the strength to stop. She wanted more – she needed more – every moment without his kiss had felt like drowning, and now it finally felt like her first breath of sweet, exhilarating fresh air.

Severus slowly began to pull away, leaving one final, magical kiss on her lips before resting his forehead against hers and smiling ear to ear.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting–"

"Oh, I think I have some idea at least," Neasa interrupted, with a breathless laugh. Severus laughed too, and then his lips were back on hers again, with even more passion and urgency than before. Neasa met it and matched it, eliciting a small, delightful moan from Severus. When they drew apart at last, their cheeks were flushed red and their breathing was shaky.

"Was it worth the wait?" Neasa whispered.

"Yes – yes – a thousand times yes," Severus replied, vainly attempting to calm his breath.

Neasa said quietly, with a soft chuckle, "I didn't expect our first kiss to be over a crossword."

"You thought about us having a first kiss?"

"Didn't you?"

"Well, yes – I… actually did think it might be over a crossword," Severus replied. A smile tugged on his lips.

"How long have you…?"

"Since early on. Before term. I mean, it was just a little crush back then, but… I could never have predicted how important you would become to me."

0o0o0o

Kissing Severus had been a mistake.

Not because Neasa regretted it – or because it wasn't a good kiss – but because now she couldn't focus on her paperwork.

No matter what she did, her mind wandered back again and again. If she only saw his name on a form or heard his name in the corridor she was transported back to that morning in Severus' living room.

Now her face flushed when she remembered having nearly lost her composure in front of an entire class of sixth year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs.

She'd been asked to deliver a one line message to Severus, but the very moment she stepped into the class and locked eyes with him, the question was gone from her lips. She stood there stammering for several moments, with the piercing eyes of the students on her, before she finally managed to force out the words, "Professor Dumbledore sent me."

Mercifully, Severus walked over and the students stopped staring at her. This had the unfortunate effect of trebling Neasa's heartbeat.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Timesheets," Neasa said, and tried desperately not to let her eyes drop to his mouth. "Your September timesheet. I need to file it."

"I haven't done it."

"Oh. Alright, never mind–"

"We don't do monthly timesheets," Severus interrupted. "We collect them at the end of each term – December and June."

"But… Dumbledore said September timesheet."

A small, almost invisible smile traced Severus's lips and he said, "He's sent you on a false errand. There's no such thing as a September timesheet in Hogwarts."

"But why would he do that?" Neasa asked.

Severus' smile widened. "Dumbledore fancies himself a matchmaker. Sounds like something he would do."

Neasa laughed softly, and turned to leave. Severus followed her silently out the door, closing it behind him when they were in the corridor.

"I can't stop thinking about this morning," Neasa blurted, with a beaming smile on her lips. Severus returned the smile and gently took Neasa's hands in his own.

"Neither can I," he replied. "All I want is for the day to be over quicker."

Neasa squeezed his hands. "Should we have a talk about what this morning meant? You know, for us. What it means for our friendship – all that. Maybe tomorrow night?"

"Good idea." Severus kissed the back of Neasa's hand. "I'll talk to you soon, Neasa." With a final smile, he returned to his classroom and Neasa to Dumbledore's office.

When she returned, Professor McGonagall and Professor Umbridge were sitting at Dumbledore's desk, both trying to argue their cases for and against Educational Decree Number Twenty-Five.

"…I'm saying that it is favouritism, plain and simple, to immediately grant the Slytherin Quidditch team permission to play and then turn around and say Gryffindor aren't allowed!" Professor McGonagall was saying shrilly.

"On the contrary, Minerva, it is favouritism on your part–" Umbridge began.

"That's rich!" Professor McGonagall interrupted. "Had you prohibited the Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw team to reform I would have had no qualms about bringing that to Albus!"

Dumbledore was listening politely to both sides, looking a little weary.

"But not if I had stopped the Slytherin team from playing?" asked Umbridge, looking smug.

"You haven't! That is a clear sign of favouritism!"

"I should remind you, Minerva, that I may see fit to oversee another of your lessons, and if I do I shall take into consideration the temper you're putting on display–"

"Is that a threat?" asked Professor McGonagall, making to stand up, but Dumbledore raised a hand and she sat down.

"Having listened to both sides," he said, "and considering that the other three House teams have been allowed to reform, I see no reason why Gryffindor should not be included. It is only fair to allow all four teams to participate."

He didn't say it, but the conversation was over and both Professors knew that; Professor McGonagall thanked him graciously and left, and Umbridge followed, bad-temperedly fiddling with the clasp of her ridiculous pink handbag.

The Professors' argument had been a welcome distraction for Neasa, and now she found herself in a silent office with her mind wandering back to Severus. His lips, his soft touch, his delightful laugh, him. Everything about him was exhilarating and exciting and entrancing and...

Severus, meanwhile, had been distracted all day for an entirely different reason.

He knew that opening himself up to a relationship would mean opening himself up to getting hurt – was it really the wisest decision to take during the middle of a new Wizarding War? Was it too dangerous to let a person as enchanting, as beautiful, as thrilling as Neasa into his life? Severus winced at the idea of anything hurting her. He barely survived losing Lily. Neasa had made him come as close to true happiness as he had felt in a long time. Neasa had re-invigorated him – given him a new lease of life, given him a chance to see the world in a new light. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her – but he knew that starting a relationship with her would put her in terrible danger.

He knew that if he took one step out of line and broke Voldemort's favour, Voldemort would target Neasa to hurt Severus. Returning to his life as a double agent for Dumbledore was difficult enough and had caused him enough stress and fatigue this semester. Could he really cope with the added stress of having to protect Neasa too?

If he pushed her away, at least he could guarantee her safety.

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