Note: I will be going on holiday next week so my updates will slow down, but I've been writing as much as I can so that I can still upload while I'm away :)

Neasa's Jacket

For the past twenty-four hours, Severus had felt as if he was in a trance.

He had left his office the night of his breakup with Neasa in a daze, not quite believing what he had just done. Even during the breakup, he could not believe the words coming out of his mouth. The last thing in the world he wanted was to leave Neasa, but... He couldn't wrap his head around her betrayal. For many weeks he had tried to look past it, tried to act normal around her, but there was no way he could overlook her being with Sirius, even if it was fifteen years ago.

He hadn't managed to cry yet. When Neasa had left his office, he had crumpled into a pile of tired limbs in front of his office fireplace, but he had not been able to cry over it. He had stayed in his office for enough time for Neasa to clear out her things from his rooms, but when he had returned, her things were still there. He had reasoned that she needed more time and perhaps he was being unreasonable for asking her to clear out that very night, but... It was too painful to be in the same room as her belongings.

So, Severus had fashioned a cardboard box and began collecting her clothes, books, jewelery, makeup, perfumes, everything that she had left behind. When it was all packed up, he sat down at his desk and began writing a letter.

Neasa

No, that was too impersonal.

My darling Neasa

Too much. And she was no longer his Neasa, he painfully remembered.

Dear Neasa,

I understand that it was probably too painful for you to take your things this very night, so I collected them for you.

I'm sorry for everything. You know that I love you.

I need my space but I don't want you to feel like you need to avoid me. If you need me, just ask.

Your loving Severus

Even if Neasa was no longer his, Severus was still hers.

He had stuck the letter to the bottom of the box lid and left the box outside Neasa's room.

The next day dragged on for Severus. Despite the Hogwarts elves making delicious buttery croissants, Severus could barely manage a morsel. He gulped down a cup of coffee and hastened away to his office, deciding to get ahead of work until classes began. At the staff meeting that morning, he barely spoke to anyone and avoided eye contact with Umbridge, hoping to skirt her ridicule. Neasa wasn't there so Minerva stepped in for her... He absently wondered whether Neasa had told Minerva the truth of it all. Was Neasa avoiding him? The box had been moved that morning, so she had obviously taken it inside her rooms. Had she not read the letter?

Severus barely interacted with his students at all - especially not Harry Potter. In fifth year potions, he pretended that the boy did not exist. For so many years, Potter had been just a painful reminder of the love he lost and of the life he could have had with Lily if James had not been in the picture. Now, Potter only reminded him of Sirius and he didn't need to think about Sirius any more than he had been for the last few weeks. Especially not since Potter had violated his trust by seeing the painful memory of his O.W.L in the pensive.

Then doubt began to seep in. Had he acted too rashly? Should he have heard Neasa out? In all fairness to her, her relationship with Sirius was over fifteen years ago... But as soon as Severus would reach this conclusion, he was reminded of the fast that there even was a relationship between the love of his life and his sworn enemy in the first place, and he would feel his stomach churn in anger. He could not wrap his head around it. He could not believe it.

That first day without Neasa passed painfully slowly. Somehow, Severus made it though in one piece and survived until the evening, when a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix was convened.

He normally opted to travel alone to these meetings because he needed the solitude to clear his mind and put up his Occlumency shields. He used these to guard certain memories from Voldemort so that the dark wizard would not be able to access them if he ever tried to penetrate Severus' mind.

When he arrived at Grimmauld Place, he was greeted by Molly Weasley quietly ushering him in, making sure he kept the noise down so as not to disturb Sirius' mothers' portrait. Severus briefly considered purposefully making a racket just to wake the portrait and annoy Sirius, but he didn't want to subjugate his own ears to the woman's screeches either.

He made his way into the kitchen, where these meetings were always held, and took his place next to Minerva, who offered him a kind smile. He didn't think anything of it.

Around the table sat Kinsley Shacklebolt, Mundungus Fletcher, Tonks, and Diggle on one side and the Weasley family on the other side - Molly, Arthur, and Bill.

"We're just waiting on Sirius and Remus," Minerva, who convened these meetings in Albus' absence, said. Again, she looked significantly at Severus, as if expecting a reaction from him on hearing Sirius' name. Severus tried to keep his face as flat as possible, but he could not control the tight knot in his stomach.

Finally, Remus entered the room and took his place next to Bill, followed shortly by Sirius, who shuffled into the room slowly as if he didn't want to be there. He scanned the room first, searching for an empty chair, but found he had no choice but to sit in the only available one left - directly opposite Severus. He gingerly sat down, crossing his arms and avoiding Severus' eyes.

Severus shifted uncomfortably, feeling something lumpy on the seat beneath him. He realised that he was sitting on someone's blue jacket and he shifted it out of his way, pushing it over the back of the chair, keeping his eyes on Minerva all the while as she continued to chair the meeting.

He became aware of Sirius' eyes on him, and he glanced at the other man briefly, who seemed to be staring at Severus' chair. Severus shot him an incredulous look, and Sirius hastily looked down and cleared his throat. Severus glanced at Remus, who's eyes were darting rapidly between the two other men with a knowing look. Great.

"...so, in short, that's what Umbridge has been doing lately," Minerva finished. She turned to Severus and asked, "Do you have anything to add to the Hogwarts updates?"

Severus coughed, clearing his throat. "No, you covered it all, Minerva."

"What about You Know Who?" she asked.

"Nothing new since the last meeting of the Order," Severus replied.

"How are Harry's Occlumency lessons going?" Remus asked.

"Fine," Severus lied.

"Any possible leads on Dumbledore's whereabouts?" Molly asked.

"None," sighed Minerva.

What Severus would give to be able to speak to Albus right now. He yearned for an explanation, for the full story. Of course, he knew that Sirius would be able to supply that information, but Sirius was the last person Severus wanted to talk to.

Speaking of, Sirius was quieter than usual. Normally he would have a lengthy speaking point to make about every agenda item, or at least a fresh batch of lazy insults to throw Severus' way, but this evening, he barely spoke. He barely even looked up from his hands, only occasionally shooting a furtive glance at the area behind Severus. After the fifth time, Severus finally relented and turned around, searching the blank wall behind him for any possible thing Sirius could be looking at. Kreacher? Some trick of the light? There was nothing there.

But as he turned, he accidentally pushed that jacket off the back of his chair. Annoyed and not wanting to draw attention to it any longer, he hastily picked it up and hung it on the back of his chair again. Only then did he realise... This was Neasa's jacket.

Severus knew it immediately. He had seen her wear it a thousand times as the weather grew warmer and she had shed her thick, winter jacket for this lighter, blue one. How had he not noticed it before? What was it doing here?

This must mean that Neasa had recently visited Grimmauld Place. Well, Severus reasoned, this would not be out of the ordinary... She was working for Sirius, after all. He was the one who had hired her, so, naturally, she would need to visit to transmit updates about Potter.

But this was the same blue jacket that she was wearing the night of their breakup... Yes, it was unmistakable. He remembered the way she took her Auror badge out of her pocket and slammed it on the table. This meant that Neasa must have been here - in Sirius' home - in the last twenty four hours...

Jealousy reared its ugly head. Severus felt its icy grip tighten around his stomach, his throat, his hands - he took several deep breaths, trying to steady his rapid heartrate. Neasa had been here? In Grimmauld Place? She had run to Sirius - her ex - only a few hours after their break up?

Severus tried to halt his own mind spinning out of control. Perhaps she had come here on official business about Potter and it was just a coincidence. Perhaps she had wanted to confide in an old friend - Severus couldn't deny her that. He couldn't stop them from being friends, even if the idea made him sick.

As the Order meeting began to wrap up and the members began to file out of the room, Severus remained in his seat. Now only himself, Remus, Sirius, and the Weasley couple remained.

"Are you joining us for dinner, Severus?" Molly asked.

"No," he said simply, then added in a softer voice, "thank you."

He flicked his wand under the table and caused the troll leg coat stand in the hallway to topple over, triggering a stream of insults and curses from Sirius' mothers' portrait. Molly and Arthur hurried out of the kitchen to silence the painting.

"Good meeting," Sirius murmured, rising from his chair, followed in unison by Severus, who held Neasa's jacket in his arm as he rose. Sirius and Remus' eyes simultaneously fell to the jacket.

"What is this doing here?" Severus asked quietly.

Sirius shifted on his feet awkwardly, not answering his question. Severus looked at Remus, who met his gaze with the steady eyes of someone who knew the conflict did not involve them, but knew every detail of it anyway. It made Severus feel uneasy, as if there was something that he was missing.

"Róisín visited," Remus said simply.

"How much do you know?" Severus asked.

"He knows everything," Sirius said at last, meeting Severus' black eyes. For the first time in his life... Sirius looked apologetic.

"So... you know that we broke up," Severus said, and Remus nodded.

"Look, I know that you must be angry with Róisín - and with Sirius - but what you have to remember is that you two broke up," Remus said.

Severus frowned. "I'm not following you."

"Oh, come on, Snape, don't make this worse than it needs to be!" Sirius snapped. "I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry. I'm not sorry that I was there for Róisín when she needed me, but I am sorry if your feelings got hurt, but... Things between you two are over. You can't hold it against her. You have to understand that she's a single woman who's free to make her own choices."

"I know," Severus hissed, "I was the one who ended things! What in Merlin's name are you talking about? Why is her jacket here?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look. Severus' temper was rising.

"She didn't tell you?" Sirius asked.

"Tell me what?"

"About... last night," Remus said.

"I haven't seen her since we broke up," Severus said.

Sirius cleared his throat, looking away. "Last night... she came here, and... she was angry - blaming me for your breakup - we had a fight, but... then we stopped fighting, and..."

"And what?" Severus hissed. Had something happened to Neasa? Was she hurt? Did Sirius hurt her?

Sirius finally looked at him, his eyes full of pure, untapped guilt.

"She spent the night here... in my bed."