Leaning over the toilet Dinah tried with a shaking hand to pull her hair back from her face as she continued to dry heave into the porcelain bowl, her stomach cramping and her throat burning as she brought up nothing but stomach acid.
Yesterday had been a day she wanted to forget, first the confrontation with Jonathan that had left her nothing but confused, his reaction being something she had not expected, something she was still struggling to understand. She had expected anger, maybe even amusement but what she hadn't expected was the look of loss that he had tried to hide, it was as if on some level he knew what she was thinking, that he knew, just like she did that this situation could only end one way, with her on the outside looking in, just like she had been for most of her life.
Then came the little visit from Edmund, he had been concerned at first, shocked to find her in such a vulnerable state and worried about what that might mean for their little arrangement. At first, he had played it all right, said the right things, offered her words of encouragement and even made her tea in the hope that it would settle her stomach.
In the blink of an eye, without warning his mood had shifted as he scanned across the still unsigned contract, he had tried to hide his anger at first, but self-control was not a quality that Edmund Winslow possessed, especially not when he felt like someone had a hold over him.
She had tried to shrug it off and explain that she didn't see the point in signing a contract when they were not even sure if there was a baby yet, that surely it was a moot point if the IVF did not take.
Edmund had tried to be understanding, she could see the battle within him as he fought against the devil on his shoulder and tried to listen to the angel instead, eventually he had done the only thing he could and agreed that they would wait.
Dinah had been able to tell from his tone that it would only be a matter of time before she had to make a decision, a decision that in reality had already been made because if she was pregnant, if Cassie and Edmund's baby really was growing inside her then she didn't have a choice, because it wasn't her baby to keep.
As her stomach finally stopped rolling, she stumbled into the bedroom, she had woken up feeling off and as the day went on the feeling only got worse, her symptoms were vague at first, she was a little crampy, her joints ached and her head hurt, then had come the nausea and she knew it was too early for morning sickness, or at least she hoped it was, because she wasn't ready to face the reality of her situation, not yet anyway.
The clinic had warned her about the side effects of the fertility drugs she needed to take, or at least she thinks they did. It was hard to remember with so much of that day being nothing but a blur in her mind. She wished she could go back, that she could take back what she had done, it had seemed like a good idea at the time, she was giving Edmund what he wanted whilst also having the chance to prove to people that she had changed.
There was so much about it she hadn't thought through, and even now when she thought about it, she couldn't stop her head from spinning.
Unable to take the silence anymore Dinah grabbed the bottle of mouthwash from the sink and poured it into her mouth, wincing at the harsh peppermint taste she screwed her eyes shut and spat it into the sink.
"I need to get out of here," she muttered to herself as she grabbed her jacket and headed for the door, leaving behind the silence of the room and the overwhelming feeling of helplessness that washed over her every time she thought of the contract that was sat in the drawer, like it was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off at any moment.
Sitting by the lake Dinah cradled the takeaway cup of peppermint tea tightly in her hands, shivering despite the warmth of the afternoon.
"Contemplating renting out another organ?" Jonathan quipped as he sat down beside her, taking the cup from her hands he lifted it to his lips, liquid spraying everywhere as he handed it back to her. "What is that? Rainwater?"
Moving the cup away from him Dinah ignored his earlier comment, the last thing she needed right now was to have to try and explain herself to him again, especially when she could barely understand what she had done.
Realizing that he had been insensitive Jonathan sighed. "Dinahmite," he whistled, his eyes following her across the lake to a line of tiny yellow ducklings.
"Please, not now," Dinah pleaded, feeling worse than she had before she left the room.
Feeling a sense of deja-vu Jonathan leaned back against the bench watching as she tried to swallow a small mouthful of that weird tasting drink in her hands, the look of discomfort that flashed across her eyes igniting something in him that he hadn't expected, concern.
"You don't look so hot," he observed. "But then if I was drinking that stuff, I think I would be feeling the need to hurl too," he added, trying to lighten the mood a little.
"You're quite the comedian today," Dinah retorted, lifting the lid from her drink and pouring the contents to the ground, watching as it splattered in front of her feet.
Jonathan leaned forward, kicking the discarded teabag with the edge of his shoe. "I'm a comedian everyday D, that's why you keep me around, that and the mind-blowing sex."
Dinah's face paled. "Right."
"What's going on with you?" Jonathan worried, his voice soft and genuine in a way she hadn't heard it before.
Plastering a smile on her lips Dinah shook her head. "Nothing."
"You look like you are about to toss your cookies," he observed. "Surely you can't be having morning sickness already, I mean I know I am hardly the authority on this baby making stuff … well apart from the actual way they are made part … but even I know enough to know that you are like what? A few minutes pregnant, that's if you are knocked up at all," Jonathan rambled on, his words barely registering with her as she closed her eyes against the spinning in her head.
"I have somewhere to be," Dinah lied, terrified that something was really wrong, something more than just a side effect of the fertility drugs.
Watching as she struggled to her feet Jonathan looped his arm through hers, trying to keep his face neutral for fear of letting her see how worried he really was because he could see that she was barely hanging on and he had a reputation to uphold.
"I'll walk with you," he offered, a little voice inside his head telling him that she shouldn't be alone right now.
"I don't need a guard dog," Dinah practically growled, even though a part of her was more than a little grateful that she at least had someone in her life looking out for her, even though she would never admit she needed it.
As if it was nothing Jonathan shrugged. "I was going that way anyway."
"You don't know where I am going," she pointed out.
"The same way as me," he laughed, as they headed towards the edge of the park, her steps slow and measured as she climbed into her car, shooting him a warning glare as he went to get into the passenger seat.
Climbing in any way he leaned back in the chair, stretching his legs out as far as they could go, a small, confident smile stretched out across his face. "You're not going to make me walk now are you?"
"Fine," she relented as she pulled the car out of the parking lot and headed towards the hotel.
Entering the lobby Dinah almost turned and left again as she spotted Edmund sitting in one of the plush chairs reading the business pages, as he sipped from a coffee cup.
"Great, just what I need," she muttered under her breath as she headed for the stairs, hoping he wouldn't spot her.
She had barely made it to the second step when she heard his voice, taking a deep breath she turned around to face him.
"Where have you been?" he demanded to know, his voice tight and full of pent up frustration.
"Out," Dinah simply replied, wondering what gave him the right to question her movements.
"Out where?" he asked, his eyes glaring into her as Dinah felt her stomach start to cramp as he reached out and grabbed her wrist.
Pulling her arm free from his hold she bit her bottom lip to stop the pain from showing on her face. "None of your business," she hissed, her eyes warning him that he was pushing her too far.
"We had plans to go to the lawyer," he reminded her, acting as if he hadn't just done what he had.
"No, we did not," Dinah countered. "You made plans, I said I would think about it and as you can see, I decided that today was not the right day for me," she added.
"Dinah," he started making her hate the sound of her own name.
Realizing that the only way she was going to get rid of him was to partially tell the truth she sighed heavily. "Look," she breathed. "I didn't come today because I have spent the whole morning emptying the entire contents of my stomach into the toilet, then trying to fight off a killer headache all caused by the fertility drugs that I am taking for you, so you can have a baby with the woman you love, so you'll excuse me if I don't jump and ask how high every time you snap your fingers."
"If you weren't feeling well you should have called," Edmund worried, feeling more and more like he was losing control of the situation with every word that passed his lips.
"I feel fine now," she lied, her body betraying her as she swayed slightly on the spot.
Edmund's eyes widened in alarm as he reached out to steady her. "Maybe we should take you to the clinic, there might be something they can give you that will help with the side effects," he offered.
"Get your hands off of my daughter," Ross bellowed, practically running across the lobby as he spotted Edmund reach out and grab Dinah by the shoulder.
Within seconds he was at her side, positioning himself between the pair of them as he turned to face his first-born child, concerned by just how pale she looked. "Dinah, Sweetheart … what's going on here?"
"Daddy, everything is fine," she tried to assure him, even though it could not be further from the truth. "I didn't have breakfast this morning and I was feeling a little lightheaded, Edmund was just helping, that's all," she half lied.
His concern for his daughter overruling every other emotion he felt right now Ross pulled her into him, wrapping his arm around her waist as he virtually ignored the other man's presence. "Let's get you upstairs," he said, guiding her slowly around so that she was facing the other way.
Dinah could feel Edward's eyes glaring into her as she allowed Ross to lead her slowly up the stairs, grateful that he had turned up when he did because she didn't know how much longer she could remain upright.
As they reached her door Dinah felt winded as her head started to spin at an alarming rate. "Daddy, thank you but I have it from here," she said as she took her keycard out and opened the door.
"Maybe I should come in, just until you have a little more color in your cheeks," Ross offered, worried about the ghostly pallor that seemed to have washed over her.
Slowly, for fear of making things worse she shook her head. "Honestly, I'm fine, I just need to eat and sleep," she explained, leaning her hands against the door, partly to keep it open and partly to help keep her standing.
"Ok," Ross reluctantly agreed, leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "But if you need anything, anything at all …"
"Then I know where to find you," she promised as she watched him leave, waiting until he was out of sight before she practically fell into the room, her legs giving out from under her as she was able to close the door before she fell to her knees, her stomach cramping as she rolled onto her side, bringing her knees up to her chest as gentle sobs of pain stuttered out from her pale lips.