I was having a hard time believing that I had actually followed through with my stupid idea. Yet, I was here under the oak tree in the same fateful park. I have a habit of being too early - it was only 11:45 in the morning. I have made it this far. I am not turning back yet.
My mind rattled on with quite a few, "Maybe I shouldn't be here." and "She isn't going to come." thoughts. However, when meeting random new people, I suppose being anxious is normal. I needed to catch my head. I took my earbuds out and played, "Just the Way You Look Tonight," by Frank Sinatra.
His smooth voice and the sound of the cool jazz helped to calm me.
As I listened to the well-memorized lyrics, I deeply inhaled. I let it all out.
"and just the way you look tonight..." The song faded as I was finally able to relax.
The track changed. Now, it was Ray Charles in my ears, singing, "Georgia! Georgia! I got Georgia on my mind..." So, I listened to his amazing, raspy voice and counted up to ten.
Soon, I felt that same gentle touch again. I knew it was her.
I had kept my sidekick grasped in my hand. I stood up, folded my cane, and shoved it back into my jacket pocket.
"Hey there! Any more damsels in distress to be rescued on your daily schedule?" she asked. Excitement drenched her words. I found myself being even more so drawn to her energetic spirit.
"Only if you happen to involuntarily attract more slobs." I answered .
With her here now, I felt my heart palpitate a bit faster. But, it wasn't too bad. My shoulders weren't as tense. I didn't clamp my jaws together as harshly. She didn't bother me much. It was very refreshing. Even the neighborhood's cacophonic symphony became slightly more tolerable.
"Would you like to be seated?" I asked.
"No, thank you. I'd actually prefer taking a stroll. At least, if that is okay with you?" she asked.
I felt perspiration began to bead on my forehead. I hadn't left my neighborhood since my mother's death. She'd be rolling in her grave if she knew how reclusive I've become. I at least had to do this for her, for my father, and for Lionel. They wouldn't want to see me living like this.
I have always preferred being alone. I have always struggled with obsessive -compulsive behaviour. Yet, it all increased and spiraled into full blown disorders after the crash.
Along with those things, the crash introduced me to total blindness and PTSD. The blindness and death of two father figures, and later my mother, ushered the depression. The crash alone brought on the PTSD. When I hear loud sounds-fireworks, gunshots, or lots of background noise- it triggers sensory overload and flashbacks.
My mind and body replay the feeling of my head hitting the windshield and being thrown out of the car. My ears replay the sounds of my father screaming. All the while he writhed in pain as his body burned alive before the car exploded.
Somehow, Kayley sensed my panic.
"We don't have to go far. I just had a really bad muscle cramp in my right leg last night. It still hurts to walk on it, but I have to. Besides, it is a lovely day out, and I am simply starved for the feel of sunshine on my face. What say you?" she proposed.
I creased my brows in concern for her, "Are you sure your leg is feeling up to it? I know that really hurts. I used to get those same blasted muscle spasms when I was younger."
"Definitely." she replied.
"Okay, then." I said.
"I'm not very familiar with this neighborhood. I just wanted a new place to jog yesterday. Would you be okay with showing me around?" she asked.
"Did you just ask the resident blind man to give you a tour?" I asked in shock.
"Do you always second guess yourself this much? Of course I just asked you to give me a tour. You can hear alright, can't you?" she teased.
"Of course I can. And if I were deaf, I suppose you would ask if my olfactory nerves still functioned too, correct?" I trumped. I wasn't sure how I felt about her sense of humor.
"Look, I don't really give a horse's backside if you are blind, deaf, olfactory functioning, or purple. But, I am not going to sit here alongside you in your puddle of self pity. If you would like to wallow here alone, that is fine with me. I still have a load of laundry waiting to be put away in my apartment. " she said.
I heard her turn around to leave. Her footsteps gaining speed.
"Kayley...wait! Kayley?" I called.
There you go again. You messed that up!. All you can do is mess things up, huh? Please answer me, Kayley!
"Kayley?" I asked.
"I'm here." she answered softly.
"Oh...thank heavens!" I sighed.
"Where exactly is 'here'?" I questioned.
"Your right at three o' clock." she directed.
As I turned to walk in her direction, I was suddenly shoved up against the low brick wall surrounding the outside parameters of the park.
"Ouch! What the...?" I barked. My right hip started to complain from its make out session with the wall.
"Watch where you're going, fool!" came the voice of some man.
"Sorry!" Kayley yelled.
"What just happened? Please tell me I wasn't about to be trampled by a talking, two-headed dragon." I joked.
My father would try to make jokes out of tough situations. My mum told me that was one of the many things that made her fall in love with him. Apparently, I have knack for it myself somewhat.
"I think that puddle of yours is slowly evaporating." she chuckled. I wasn't ready to let my guard down completely; however, the tiniest of cracks began to fracture my heart's walls.