Dimitri's POV
Torture.
That's the only word I can use to describe the last few weeks, torture. My head has been an absolute mess of emotion and thoughts. Though nothing gives me greater regret than my words to Rose. Did I think I was incapable of love? Yes. Though as time moved on I began to feel things again. The wave of numbness was starting to clear and with that came my feelings again, and in turn so did the guilt. So my feelings didn't actually vanish like I'd first thought and that feeling makes me sick. How I treated Rose while I was Strigoi has been swirling around in my mind and I suddenly feel the need to talk, bit hard as she's gone now. Isn't that always the way? You want something you can't have? The entire premise of our relationship.
Lissa and Christian have helped me greatly but everywhere I look I can see the huge gaping hole in which should be Rose. Her rightful place with Lissa, not just being her guardian but being her friend. I miss her, the force in which I do feels foreign to me but I welcome it.
It's been weeks since I found out she was leaving and I feel as if my mind has had a delayed reaction to it. Worry and pain at the thought she could be killed or worse turned makes me sick. Lissa hasn't heard from her either but I'm not too sure if that shocks me or not anymore with the way we treated her. Christian has made sure we know it too. Something makes me wonder if he knows more than he's letting on, and the pain that comes with that knowledge hurts. The not knowing when they got so close hits me, I used to notice so much. I feel selfish and my mother raised me so much better than that. Another wave of guilt hits, I haven't contacted my family. This isn't something they would believe over the phone, they'd think of it as a sick joke. I can just picture my Mama would give me hell for the Rose situation.
I know it's selfish to think but I can't actually believe she just left everyone she's ever loved. At the same time it just goes to show the depth of our betrayal in her eyes.
She risked her life and career because of her feelings for me and now I'm just realising. Was I always this stupid?
I should have offered to help her find Sonya, as much as it pains me to say it, maybe I can use being former Strigoi to my advantage. Too little, too late if I don't know how to contact her.
So here I am, seen but not heard in the corner of the Princess' kitchen when I hear Christian raise his voice. It's a common occurrence lately but it was the mention of Rose that brought me back to full attention. What did he say? Why does Rose have to be extra careful?
The Princess sagged in her chair and thanked Rose. Oh right, the darkness. That means Rose is here watching? It took everything in me to not try to intervene. The bond was only one way so I would have seemed desperate and slightly crazed.
A few minutes later Christian's phone rang and he got up to answer it in another room. Odd. It was rare that he left the room to answer his phone but suddenly I noticed, that was my job after all. He is definitely hiding something and Lissa looked suspicious but never voiced her concerns. We moved to the lounge area and Lissa turned on the tv, I stayed along the wall. I could hear him laugh which had me even more curious until I heard "Rosie." That right then confirmed my suspicions that Christian kept in contact with Rose. It hurts but what did I expect. I know I shouldn't but I can't help the feeling of jealousy that comes to mind at the thought.
Now I sound like a teenage boy, too scared to talk to a girl. I couldn't help but listen in and caught a few words, I know it was wrong but who was she being shy about? Has she met someone?
Christian finally looked up and we made eye contact, I tried to look away but before I could it looked like he was wrestling with something. I went to ask but he held a hand up to his lips and motioned for me to move closer. What is going on?
Suddenly the phone was placed onto speaker.
"I can't tell him over the phone, I can't even talk to him at all." Oh god that voice, I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding. Wait tell me what? Is she even talking about me?
"Rosie please don't hate me?" He seemed genuinely worried she might be mad, did she hate me that much now?
"Sparky what did you do?" I can hear the panic in her voice.
"Roza?" My voice wasn't as confident as I would've liked.
"Oh God!" I heard panicked breathing before a thud and I felt so helpless and panicked. Maybe she dropped the phone?
"Roza?" "Rosie?" Christian and I spoke at the same time. We suddenly heard the thudding of footsteps coming into the room. I've never felt so helpless.
"Rose! Rose! Can you hear me? Please open your eyes." It was then I heard the voice of Guardian Tanner. Thank god someone had found her.
Christian and I stared at each other helpless while we listened on. We suddenly heard a moan which was Rose coming to. She sounded so weak as she stirred when her panicked voice whisper shouted.
"The baby? Is it okay?"
I didn't think a sentence could stop my heart and take my breath away, or did it just fully kickstart my ability to feel emotion?