Chapter 6

It was interesting really, how freaking excited my mother could get at the idea, the faintest whisper of a thought, of me going to have sleepover with other girls my own age. I don't know why my mom was so amazed at the idea of me spending time with friends… I mean, Emi didn't really have friends when we were growing up, and mom thinks she's totally fine. Maybe my mom thought I was on my way to becoming a serial killer or something like Dexter, because she was just so happy to see me spending time with others.

I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating some cheddar and broccoli soup when my mom cleared her throat and tapped the wood of the table with her long red nail. Both me and Emi looked up at her and she cleared her throat.

"So I spoke to your father, and he and I agree that it's best that you go on ahead and stay the night with your friends." No way in hell did my dad just agree. Mom must have had something over him, because my dad was way too paranoid to just let either one of us stay the night with someone he didn't know. Emi had to be thinking the same thing, because she glanced over at me and made a face.

"Stop that... He recognizes that the two of you are growing up and we don't need to constantly surveillance you." Emi snickered and took a bite of her soup.

"Maybe not me, but Ellie…"

"She has a point mom, I am not to be trusted." My mom rolled her eyes and went back to eating her dinner.

"You're not getting out of this Elaine, you are going to spend the night with these girls and you're going to have fun." I groaned.

"Forced fun seems like such a weird punishment_"

"It's not a punishment. I… I just worry about you sometimes. I don't think you get enough human interaction. It reminds me of…" She trailed off.

"Reminds you of who?" I stared at her, watching as her expression changed from guilty to stoic. Emi cleared her throat and pushed her chair away from the kitchen table.

"I think it's sweet that they want you to go. I think the whole reason you don't wanna go all of a sudden is because you're scared." I scoffed, but the uneasy feeling was building up in my stomach again.

"What makes you think that?" I pushed my spoon around in my soup and my mom laughed.

"Because you didn't deny it."

"So. I've never spent the night at someone's house before… I would be more worried if I were you. What if I got kidnapped or murdered or something?" My mom laughed again, harder this time, lightly slapping the table.

"As if your father would ever let that happen!" I rolled my eyes and moved away from the table to put my bowl in the sink. Everything was happening so fast; parties, sleepovers, weird teenagers at a crusty roller rink. I washed out my bowl and started to head back to my room.

"Hey, aren't you gonna kiss your mama goodnight?" Mom leaned back in her chair and tapped her cheek with her nail. I walked over and wrapped my arms around her and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

"Love you mom. Imma go do my homework and head to bed." She nodded her head and I slipped into my bedroom.

I was antsy, this week. I couldn't sleep well at night, and I was starting to have strange dreams. It was funny really; I used to dream about the ocean, but now I dreamed about wolves. It was strange, although I was a dog person I had never dreamed about them. Was it symbolic? Was it because I thought I saw one, or because my mom mentioned them? Either way, I was cranky and I was restless.

On the day of the sleepover I was probably in one of my more… somber moods. Tired and withdrawn, I was ready to gag myself and crawl back into bed with the 'stomach flu'. I got up like normal, making sure to get into the shower early enough so I could sit there and contemplate my life. When I got out of the shower, I dressed up for the day and pulled out materials for my… sleepover.

This was dumb. I should have never agreed to go, or even told my mom. As I bit at my lower lip, I heard my phone ring and looked down to see my dad's all too happy face appear on the screen. Picking it up, I smiled and held the phone to my ear.

"Hey Dad!" I heard him hum on the other end

'Hello Poppet, it feels like ages since I last heard from you.' I smiled, sitting down at the end of my bed and picking up one of my stuffed animals. It had been awhile, but I was so caught up with the stupid Candace drama. I didn't really wanna tell him all that though.

"I'm sorry, there's just been a lot going on." He hummed again and I heard the shifting of some fabric. "What are you doing?"

'I'm just… Sewing something together, it's nothing important darling. What's been going on that's prevented you or your sister from calling me?' Guilt rocked through my body for just a moment and I had to swallow it down.

"Oh… Um… Well I'm going to a sleepover tonight with some girls from school. Oh! And I went to a birthday party last weekend." I played with the glittery pink fins of my stuffed fish, feeling the leathery feeling beneath my fingertips.

'A party, that sounds delightful. Your mother told me you had gotten invited, and I was beside myself. I couldn't possibly believe that my grumpy little Elaine had made some friends in dreary Forks.' I rolled my eyes. Was I really unlikable?

"They're nice, but I don't know if I'd call them friends…" Were Ashley and Marie my friends? We ate together at school, talked about random stuff, and I even went to Marie's birthday party… Did that make us friends, or did it make me lonely?

'Hm, do you enjoy their company?'

"Yeah, sometimes… But sometimes I really wanna be alone. They talk a lot." Sometimes it was hard to get a word in edgewise with them. I fell back into the softness of my bed and sighed.

'Well, you of all people have always needed your space. Ever since you were teeny tiny you would hide away in your Ellie holes and wait until it was dark to creep out. It's okay to want your space.' He chucked and I heard a heavy thud on the other end of the phone. 'Damn.'

"What are sewing?" There was a small pause, and I felt a wave of drowsiness wash over me.

'Nothing dear, now onto the reason I called you. Your mother and I were discussing what we were going to do over Thanksgiving Break, and despite the fact that I don't celebrate such a silly holiday on my own, I would gladly make 1000 turkeys if that meant I got to see you and your sister.' He grunted on the other end, like he was picking something heavy up.

"Oh_" I yawned "Are we coming home for the break?"

We hadn't really discussed the upcoming breaks. Mom had been kinda avoiding the topic, and we weren't going to just ask dad. He was sensitive.

'Of course you are, I already bought the tickets. I talked it over with your mother and you'll be coming a little earlier so that we can spend some more time together.'

"Is mom not coming with us?" There was another pause, but this one felt different. Heavier. When my dad finally did speak, his voice was nervous.

'Well… She um, she told me that she had quite a bit of things to do in Washington… So no… It will be just you and your sister joining me this break… and perhaps your older brothers.' Ah, my older brothers. My brothers from my dads first…. Tumultuous marriage. They were twins, much older than my sister and I; to be honest, I sometimes forgot we were siblings. 'They'll be so excited to see the two of you…'

"Mmhmm…" Mom… Wasn't going to see dad. I mean, what did I expect? They had been arguing for so damn long why would she even want to see him. Every time they were on the phone they would end up screaming and yelling… I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.

'Elaine… Darling, is everything alright?' I swallowed, and swallowed, but the lump wouldn't go down.

"Y-Yeah… I'm fine. Uh, I gotta get ready for school… Can I call you back sometime later?" He was cutting something now, focusing his attention on something else I guess.

'Of course. Tell your sister that I love and miss her… and tell your mother… Tell her I said hello.'

"Okay… Goodbye."

'Goodbye Elaine.'

When I heard the click of the phone disconnecting, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in. I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a few more breaths. Keep calm, get it together, go to school, then the stupid sleepover. I just needed to stay on my toes. I sat up in my bed, tossing my phone to the side and rubbed my face.

Pajamas, check.

Toothbrush, check.

Hairbrush, check

Dignity… Gonna have to check my bag for that one. I gathered all of my things and went into the living room, tossing my black duffle bag on the couch and plopping down next to it. All I had to do was wait for my mom to be ready to drive me to school and that would be the end of it.

Mom was chattery, but I had tunnel vision. I was staring out at the foggy grey morning. She was grinning from ear to ear talking about how I was gonna have so much fun in Port Angeles with Marie and Ashley. I just shrugged, and leaned my head against the glass.

I felt sick… I always felt sick.

When I arrived at school, Marie and Ashley were waiting for me in the hallway by my locker. The two of them were jittery, excited about tonight. As soon as they made eye contact with me, they were stumbling over each other to reach me.

"Do you have your bag?"

"Are you excited?" They looked at each other and giggled, and I forced myself to smile.

"Tonights gonna be… quite a night, huh?"

Ashley nodded her head, her large hoop earrings dangling back and forth. She was dressed in a long sleeved red shirt underneath a dark pair of designer overalls. She looked nice Marie on the other hand was black tulle skirt and a hot pink blouse with matching pink flats; the two of them really dressed up for the occasion I guess.

"Are these your party clothes?" I looked down at myself. A plain dark purple pleated dress and stockings, and my usual mary janes. "No offense but you dress like a…"

"Old lady!" They giggled and I groaned. This wasn't the first time someone brought up the way I dressed. I was formal, to a fault. My dad dressed me and my sister like this when we were younger, always going on about personal presentation.

"Ugh, don't start. My dad is an old fashioned British guy. He thought it was cute to dress us up like old maids." Their eyes lit up.

"Your dad's British? Like actually British and not fake British?"

"What the hell is fake British Marie? Please, please inform me?" Ashley giggled and Marie rolled her big brown eyes.

"So you're half British?" I shrugged my shoulders and we started heading towards class. People had stopped staring. I guess I blended into the off white walls and tacky beige posters now like everyone else. I sat in my usual seat in the front of the class and zoned out as the teacher droned on and on about an English project that was coming up.

All of my classes were like this. Going on and on about subjects I couldn't really concentrate on, and Marie and Ashley texting back and forth in our little group chat. Yeah, we had a freaking group chat, and it was called Acute Triangle… Because of our lunch conversation all those weeks ago.

When the day was finally over, I was being dragged by my wrists out to the parking lot. Ashley's dad had a nice car. It was a sleek black and really expensive looking. He was waiting for us in the pick-up lane, bobbing his head back and forth to some rock music. Ashley sat up front and Marie and I slid into the back.

"Hey girls, are you ready for tonight?" He was a lean man with dark brown hair and the same bluish-grey orbs as Ashley. He was handsome I guess, on the younger side with a square jaw and some stubble. Ashley took after him, but then again, I didn't know what her mom looked like.

"Omg, I'm like so excited! Dad, you already know Marie_"

"Of course, of course, how could I forget? It's not like you've been to my house every other day or anything…" Marie laughed, and I let out an awkward chuckle.

"And that's Ellie." Ashley's dad, Mr. Wright, looked at me through the rearview mirror and smiled. He had kind eyes.

"Hi Ellie. I spoke with your mother over the phone; glad you can be joining us on this, What did you call it Ash?"

"A super secret sleepover extravaganza." He nodded and pulled out from the parking lot.

"A super secret sleepover extravaganza that everyone knows about." I laughed at his sarcastic tone. A guy after my own mind I guess.

The car ride up to Port Angeles was loud. Mr. Write played various genres of music, everyone getting a chance to change it to a song they liked; Marie and Ashley were gossiping about something that happened over the week, and I was focused on the greenery outside. I was distracted, replaying the conversation I had with my dad over and over again in my mind, attempting to figure out what was bothering me so much.

'Hey baby, text me when you get to the city safely okay, call me when you can!' I looked down at the text from my mom and sighed.

'We're nearly there, and I'm doing fine thanks for asking.' The city was beautiful, almost reminding me of Manhattan. The fog had cleared from this morning, and Ashley and Marie were bouncing in their seats at the thought of shopping in the city.

When we pulled up to the cute little city strip, Mr. Wright stopped his car and cleared his throat.

"Okay, ground rules: one, stay close to me at all times. If I don't see you, then you're too far. Two, don't talk to strangers. You guys are old enough to know why. Finally… Have fun."

Mom had given me fifty dollars and told me not to buy anything crazy. Giving her a brief call when I got out of the car, I mostly followed behind Ashley and Marie as they dragged us to little boutiques and thrift shops on the strip.

I thought it was going to be all clothes with the two of them, but Marie was nose deep into some old comic books she found on a dusty back shelf of one of the thrift stores we visited and Ashley was apparently obsessed with the occult. I smiled to myself as she picked up a deck of tarot cards, thinking back to my father scolding me for playing with them when I was much younger.

'Elaine' He had told me, wagging his finger as she pried the cards from my hands 'You have no idea what you're messing with. Unless you're ready to open yourself up to a world of darkness.' I was so shocked at his reaction, I gave up the cards and never went back to them.

"Is there anything you want here?" We had found ourselves in a tiny little handmade jewelry shop and my fingers were lingering on a rose colored beaded necklace. It was cute, and it was probably something my mom would have liked.

"I think I'm gonna get this for my mom." Everyone waited for me at the front of the store while I paid for the necklace. We continued to walk until my feet were sore and I was ready to pass out at any moment.

I wanted to have fun, I really did, but my mind was too hectic, gross, thoughts rattling around like a maraca. When we sat down at a little Italian restaurant for dinner, I was ready to pass out in my pasta and again when we got the rich chocolate cake for dessert.

When we finally made it back to the car, I was so drained nobody even bothered to talk to me outside of the gentle tease. I couldn't help it though. I was exhausted before we even had a tour of the city, and I was practically dead after it. I don't know what was in the drinks Marie and Ashley drank in the morning that made them so damn hyper, but I was ready to tuck in for the night as soon as we pulled up to Ashley's place. Ashley's house was nice, really nice; it was one story with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and one of the nicest backyards I had ever seen in my life. There was a large porch with a huge grill, and a sunken bonfire pit. For the sleepover, the porch was decorated with thousands of twinkling fairy lights and balloons, streamers, and banners. When Marie saw it, her eyes lit up, and her smile was something that warmed me.

"Welcome to your real party Marie." Tears streamed down her face, making her thick mascara run down her cheeks. She whipped around and nearly tackled Ashley, squeezing her tightly. I watched them hug, and I felt that overwhelming wave of loneliness wash over me once again.

I looked down at the wooden boards of the porch and waited until their moment was over. Is that what friendship looked like? True friendship? I bit at my lower lip so hard I nearly drew blood.

"Did you wanna hug too, Ellie?" Marie smiled at me, and held out her arms.

"U-Uh, I'm okay… Thanks." She dropped her arms and nodded her head.

"Okay, so let's get this party started!"

Mr. Wright, for the most part, stayed inside the house. He was either in the kitchen eating some of the snacks he had set out for us, or watching some t.v. in the living room. We had free reign of the backyard. There was music playing, and a fire going where we could toast marshmallows. For a while, I forgot myself and I was laughing and talking along with the other two. It felt nice.

"So tell us about your dad Ellie?" I was halfway through a smore, chocolate leaking all over my hands and my face was sticky with marshmallow. I choked on some graham cracker, coughing for a moment before I could catch my breath.

"My dad… What did you wanna know about him?" My voice cracked a little and the lump that was in my throat earlier returned.

"He's British, that's so freaking cool! What part of Britain is he from."

"Ash, I don't think Britain is a thing, it's just England now…"

"Actually I'm pretty sure it's the United Kingdom, but that's not the point. He's from London or something, I'm not really sure." They both looked at me, similar faces of confusion plastered on their faces.

"How do you not know where your dad is from?"

"Yeah, I know where my parents are from… unfortunately." Marie muttered under her breath, huffing.

"Well my dad is like, really private. We never really talked about his past too much." My dad didn't want us to know. He had something to hide, probably one of the reasons he was fighting with my mom so much now.

My mom and dad. Mom wasn't going to see dad, and that meant it was really over between the two of them. I thought… I thought they were so in love and then our whole freaking world just came crashing down on us.

"Hey… Uh, are you okay?" Marie took a softer tone, looking at me with furrowed brows. She reached out and placed her hand on my forearm and I resisted the urge to pull away from her. I brought my hand up to my face and wiped away a stray tear that had slipped from my right eye and down my cheek.

"What the hell?" No, not here, not now. I wasn't a cryer, and I certainly never cried in front of anyone other than my family. I brought my hands to my face and began to rapidly rub my sore and itchy eyes. The tears just kept falling, over and over again and I just couldn't stop them.

"I don't know what's w-wrong with me…" I stuttered out and Ashley placed her hand to her mouth.

"It's the loss."

"What?" She came closer to me and wrapped her arms around me slowly. I froze, my body going rigid for a moment.

"You're dealing with the loss… Of your parents. When there is a death in the family, or divorce, a child can suddenly be thrusted into an intense feeling of loss. I think you feel that loss right now… It's okay." She rubbed my back, small circles, and Marie did too. "It's okay to cry."

It was like the dam finally broke. Tears poured out of my eyes and I leaned into Ashleys shoulder and cried.

"I-I don't even know what happened!? T-They were fine, now I-I'm here and I just…. They're never getting back together!" Ashley pulled away from me, some tears in her eyes as well.

"It's okay. It happens sometimes. My mom, Marie's parents… It's not our fault… It's not yours." Then why did I feel so guilty? I let the two of them soothe me, finally letting one of the walls that I had built up come down.

"You know…" I took another bite of my smore. After the whole tear feast, we had made our way back down to the bonfire and were toasting anything and everything we could get out hands on. Paper, streamers, marshmallows… anything. "You two are my first… Friends."

"Kewl." They both spoke at the same time. I chuckled and Marie and Ashley joined in. We were like this for hours until sleep finally took over. When I finally fell asleep, that nausea that had been building up in me these past few weeks subsided. As I laid on my little pile of blankets, head to head with Marie and next to Ashley, wrapped up in an obnoxious neon pink blanket.

This is what it felt like to have friends.

*I hope you guys enjoy chapter six. Please review and comment to let me know how I'm doing! Thanks!*