Author's Note: Second half of Episode 4
Angry shouts echo through the streets. The townspeople are after us. They're out for blood. Hidden here in this abandoned bar, we're safe for now. I watch Ellie. She's just a kid. It's not fair that she's wrapped up in all this. I tell her I'm sorry she had to shoot a man to save me. She shouldn't 'had to. She tells me it's not her first time. The way she wipes tears from her eyes, and huffs away the urge to cry. Ive seen that before. I've done that before—I'm doing it now— fending off the heaviness, feeling like it'll crush me if I don't.
The voices outside get louder. I have to keep us safe. We leave.
We've climbed 16 flights of stairs. Somehow Ellie is still talking. She asks me how I knew the guy in the street earlier was an ambush. I hesitate. It's not a story for a kid. I keep my answer simple— I'd seen it done before and had to do it a few times.
Ellie asks me if I've killed innocent people. Regretful memories of the early days fill my mind. Tommy and I had left Austin two weeks before. The world felt like a haze—an unending nightmare. Reality was setting in that nothing would ever be the same— and that Sarah was gone. In those few weeks of hitchhiking and trekking along empty interstates, we had had to do unspeakable things for our group to survive.
The thought of it all—the past 20 years, normal life morphed into this dystopia that seems to only get worse—saps my strength. I pull open the door to the 23rd floor and sink against the hallway wall. Ellie stands over me, unfazed by the climb, taunting me and goading me to get up.
I marvel at Ellie's resilience as we walk down the building's darkened halls. I wonder what she meant when she seemed to say she's killed someone before. I feel bad that she just had to resort to violence again today because of me. The thought of it disgusts me. I'm ashamed for failing to protect us both and unsettled at how close we came to death. In this world, there is no safe. Mortal danger waits around any corner every second.
We set up in an apartment with a good view. I spread broken glass on the floor by the door. Ellie's staring at me like I'm a fool, but I'm not putting us at risk again. I ball my jacket into a pillow and lie on the cushions on the floor. It feels good to sleep on something that's not dirt. In the constant state of being on guard that I've been in the past few days, it's almost uncomfortable to be this comfortable. The soft cushions beneath me and the sturdy shelter around us lowers my guard and starts to lull me to sleep.
"Joel,"
"Hm." I reply tiredly.
"Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?"
The joke is so ridiculous that I turn towards Ellie "What?"
"It runs in your jeans." An amused smile spreads across her face.
I hide a smirk, but she catches me. We both laugh and I realize that despite this cruel world, there is still joy. I relax for the first time in days and we laugh at stupid puns until we both fall asleep.