Author's Note: Begins the morning Joel and Ellie leave Jackson.
It's early when I wake up. The first light of dawn barely glows through the curtains. I remember the dream this time, and I know why I feel empty.
First it was me and Sarah. She was young. We were decorating the Christmas tree. Then it was me, Tommy, and Tess having a drink together in the Boston QZ. The one was twenty years ago, the other not even a year, but those things are gone now.
Tommy will be taking Ellie the rest of the way to the Fireflies today. I can't do it myself. My hearing's almost got us killed a few times, and I'm getting too slow— too weak to do this.
I stand and look out the window at the sleeping town. I'll go steal a horse and leave before anyone sees. I'll go spend the rest of my days alone in the countryside where I won't put anyone else in danger.
The shame of yet another failure stings as I walk into the stable. Tess made me promise I'd get Ellie to the fireflies—me—not Tommy. I've failed Tess's final wish.
I swipe at tears as I prepare to leave. I deserve to go out and be alone where I can never fail my family again. That's what I deserve, but I don't want to be alone. I stall as the tears stream down my cheeks.
Footsteps that I didn't hear till they were standing next to me startle me. I'm caught—stealing a horse and crying.
Tommy and Ellie are here. This is it. At the last second, I give Ellie the choice that I can't make by myself. Before I'm done speaking, her bag is in my arms.
We've been on the road for five days. Tommy had warned of infected and raiders, but so far we've had safe travels. I thought that so long a stretch on horseback, or maybe the nerves of getting close to the Fireflies would get to Ellie, but she's as upbeat as ever.
She seems so comfortable around me. Not long ago, the fear that I would mess up and get her killed was overwhelming, but her happiness has even begun to put me at ease.
I see buildings up ahead— the university. Butterflies flutter in my own stomach as this journey comes to an end. Our casual conversation continues as we ride deeper into the campus. We both get a laugh at the research monkeys running loose, but it's a sign that we're getting close. There it is— the Fireflies' insignia inked onto a sign for the science building.
The place is deserted. Gurneys tipped over, wheelchairs in the middle of the floor, a cart with abandoned lab equipment and a pack list— the Fireflies are gone.
A crash clatters from upstairs. We go to investigate. I steel myself and hide any evidence that my heart feels like it's stopped as visions of the clicker attacking Tess flash through my mind.
I open the door to the room where we hear the noise. It's just monkeys. They scamper out the windows. Relief floods through both of us. We speculate what the Fireflies were doing and why they left. There's a map with lines of push pins leading to Salt Lake City. Looks like we know where we're going.
I hear a noise outside. I creep to the window. A group of guys armed with baseball bats walks down the sidewalk— right past our horse— we have to go.
I give the nod for us to run from the sandbags we shelter behind to our horse. We made it. As I stow my rifle, terror comes over Ellie's face.
"Joel!"
Pain shoots through my head as metal makes contact with my skull. The world blurs and tilts. I make out the form of our attacker and charge at him with nothing but my bare hands. I grapple the guy until his neck snaps.
I turn towards Ellie and the horse. We have to leave. Ellie looks more scared. I follow her line of sight to where I feel an odd burning in my stomach. The broken off end of a baseball bat is sticking out of me. Before it can do more damage, I yank it from my gut. A stream of blood flows over my hand. This is bad.
"Joel! Get on the horse!"
The guys are chasing us. Ellie's spotted them. Pain explodes in my stomach as I pull myself onto the saddle, but we have to leave. Ellie shoots as we flee.
It seems quiet now. Ellie says we lost them. I'm trying to hold pressure on the hole in my stomach. My hands are slippery with blood. I don't have the strength to keep them there. This is no good and there's nowhere safe anywhere around.
It's—hard to stay awake. I've— I've failed agai…