Episodes: The One With Rachel's Phone Number (9x09)

This ficlet deals with one of the episode I hate the most.

I hate it because this should have been THE turning point, and yet it became another way to keep Ross and Rachel apart.

Hope you enjoy this.

Oh, I wrote this *very* fast, sorry for typos and mistakes, as usual.

Ross was still trying to figure out his feelings and shut up his inner turmoil.

The kitchen never looked so isolated from the rest of the apartment. No sound could be heard from the living room.

Ross closed his eyes, the image of Rachel wearing that fantastic dress and bended over Emma's crib was the only thing he could think of.

He started fidgeting, aware that he needed to clear up things with Rachel because he might get crazy if he didn't.

The mere idea of her going out with another guy…what was his name again?

Rob? Bob?

No, Bill.

Bill from the bar.

What kind of stupid average name was Bill, anyway?

Ross walked back to the living room, Rachel was still checking on Emma, a soft smile plastered on her face.

She looked tired, but satisfied. And Ross wasn't sure he wanted to know why.

But he had to.

"So, you girls had fun tonight, uh?"

Rachel turned her attention to Ross, still smiling, "Yeah, but…to tell you the truth, I was looking forward to get home."

Ross felt his heart leap, "Get home…to Emma?" he returned, hesitantly but also hopeful.

Rachel pondered his question for a while.

She wanted to be honest with Ross; she really wanted to tell him the truth, about her doubts, about her conversation with Phoebe. Of course, she had hurried to get home to her daughter, but the real reason behind the abrupt end of her first night out was Ross. She didn't want him to find out about the guy at the bar, what was his name again?

She couldn't even remember.

'I wanted to get home to both of you.'

Yeah, right, like I could blurt out something like that without consequences.

She wanted things to change, but she did not know if she was ready, yet.

"Well, yeah, I missed her a lot tonight." finally came her response.

Ross looked dejected, "Uh."

Rachel's answer hurt him more than a knife.

Then it was true.

She was having fun, she probably met this Bill person, who flirted with her, and she enjoyed his attentions.

Besides, this was nothing new. When they were younger, this happened literally all the times. Rachel was used to have men around her, flirting and hitting on her.

She's always been THAT beautiful, so don't kid yourself, Ross. As soon as she feels ready, she will find someone who makes her feel like a real woman, again.

She will find someone ELSE.

And this cohabitation will blow up in your face, as she feared when you proposed to live together in the first place.

Ross thought again about the little piece of paper folded inside his pocket.

Suddenly his mind went back to the engagement ring still hidden in his desk drawer.

He hadn't been brave enough to take it out ever again after what had happened at the hospital.

He still wondered why in hell they had not dealt with that after coming back home.

It was so typical of Ross and Rachel: whenever things got serious, whenever they could actually make things work again, they bailed out.

Ross knew, at this point, it was too late. That phone call from Bill was a clear demonstration of how much late it was for them.

Rachel eventually stood up from over Emma's crib, "Was she a good girl?"

At last, Ross's lips turned into the sweetest smile; he couldn't help but feeling grateful and in love whenever Emma was mentioned.

"She was an angel. After all, she is like her mom."

Rachel blushed and giggled, still remembering her previous conversation with Phoebe.

You have a boyfriend. I have a…baby and a Ross.

Unbeknown to Ross, she was thinking about what have transpired between them that night just as well.

If she hadn't stopped him, God knows what would have happened.

Stop looking at me like that. The last time that happened, that happened…

Rachel had the terrible feeling that this night would turn out as the umpteenth failed turning point in their on-and-off relationship.

Ross gazed at Rachel again, incapable of taking his eyes off her.

God, she is gorgeous tonight.

Rachel leant slowly towards him, bewitched by his intense stare.

She came back to her senses, though.

"Ok, uhm…I guess I'm going to bed; I'm very tired and she's probably waking up in a couple of hours for her feeding time, so…"

"Yeah, sure." Ross couldn't move away from her, still staring with those puppy dog eyes that made him so uniquely…well, Ross.

Rachel walked towards her room.

Ross was fighting a battle against his willpower. After a couple of seconds he squeezed his eyes, turned his right hand into a fist and sighed, "Rach, wait!" he called her back.

Rachel turned around, hope clearly visible in her eyes.

Ross approached her, walking excruciatingly slowly.

Rachel knew this was the time. Ross was finally working up the courage.

He would look at her with those lovely brown eyes, he would finally ask her.

All she needed to hear were three little words.

Let's start again.

Better.

I love you.

Wasn't this the crux of the matter?

That she was still in love with him just as much as he was still in love with her.

Why couldn't they surrender to their real feelings, for once?

If Ross was willing to do this, all she had to do was let him in.

Ross stared at her, a passion in his eyes that was long forgotten.

He knew that this was IT, he could do this.

Then his hand went down to his pocket.

That little piece of paper weighed more than a ton.

Everything that might have happened to Rachel in that bar did.

What if he really told Rachel how much he still cared about her, only to no avail; or worse, only to be rejected again?

What if she stopped him because she wasn't ready to start things up again, or because she was too afraid for Emma's well-being?

Everything was going really well between the two of them, they had a nice life together and Emma was their little princess.

What if they tried to make it more only to destroy the little trust they had so painfully rebuilt?

Ross shook his head, he knew that he couldn't do this, not yet.

He needed to understand if Rachel was still in that place, letting her be the one to make a move.

It was too soon.

"Uhm…I'd like to go out with the guys tomorrow, you think you could stay home with Emma?" he asked, emitting a sigh he didn't know he was holding.

Rachel was astonished and disappointed, but she tried not to show.

She really thought that a very different request would have come out from Ross's mouth, but she could not push him.

"Of course, Ross. You were so nice today; I can reciprocate." She smiled at him, a little tear forming at the corner of her eyes.

"Ok." Ross smiled tenderly, his eyes suddenly fascinated by the floor.

"Well, provided that you don't bring home the next ex Mrs. Geller!" Rachel tried to lighten the mood.

Ross chuckled, frustration finally getting out of his system, "If you think about it, I DO live with an Ex Mrs. Geller."

Rachel giggled, "Oh…yeah! Never thought about that!"

They both looked at each other, a little relieved that the horrible moment of tension had passed.

"Good night." He told her.

"Night." She murmured, heading for her room.

As soon as Rachel closed the door behind her, she leaned on it, feeling neglected and bereft.

Maybe it's for the best.

She emitted a deep sigh, still wondering why they couldn't be sincere with each other.

But that was a question that had no answer.

Ross walked towards Emma's crib, his eyes immediately focusing on her lovely features.

"Sweetie…I don't know if I am ever going to tell your mommy how I really feel about her." He confessed to his daughter. Then a little grin appeared on his lips.

"Well, if I'm supposed to say this, you outta know more than anyone else."

Ross caressed Emma's cheeks, noticing for the millionth time how much she actually looked like Rachel.

"I think I'm still in love with her."