Episodes: Somewhere between The One With Rachel's Big Kiss (7x20) and The One With the Vows (7x21)

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I hope you like it!

Ross opened his eyes with a gasp, as you do when you have a nightmare and you still have that gut feeling that something terrible is waiting for you, lurking in the shadows.

He blinked rapidly, feeling the familiar sensation of an incoming migraine pervading his head.

Ross lifted his arm and put a hand on his forehead. With eyes closed, he sighed heavily.

He moved, sitting better in the bed, casually leaning his elbow on the cushion to sustain his weight.

That was the moment when he started remembering things.

His eyes fluttered open. He turned his head at his right, inspecting carefully – and maybe with anticipation. Because Ross was afraid he already knew who was lying beside him.

"Oh My God!" he mouthed, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

What the hell had happened the previous night?

All he could recall was the ruined date with Kristen, then a bottle of wine, then Monica and Chandler's invitations, and finally…

Rachel.

The woman he had spent the majority of his life being in love with.

Ross shook his head, staring at her perfect figure. She was still asleep, looking like an angel, with a soft smile plastered on her face.

Even if the setting was very similar to the one he had woken up in the morning after Vegas, this time, Ross had no doubt; they had definitely slept together.

It was all coming back to him; the way Rachel had flirted, talking about the night of Monica and Chandler's engagement. How she still considered interesting the fact that they both had wanted to have a bonus night.

Ross managed to smile when he remembered vividly the moment when Rachel had started telling the magic Western Europe story.

How she knew about that story, he probably would never know.

However, it had certainly served its purpose. As soon as Ross had heard Rachel mentioning Barcelona, he had felt entitled to jump her, kissing that woman like a soldier coming home after a ten-years-long mission.

And when he had realized that Rachel was actually answering his kiss, moving her tongue in perfect synchrony with his own, one of the craziest nights of his life had begun.

After making love on the couch, they had ended up in Rachel's bedroom, both too tired and spent. Ross had wanted to leave, but he hadn't been able to fight the impending fatigue that was already invading his body.

Ross glanced at his surroundings. Rachel's clothes were scattered all around, he could also see his pants, but the red sweater that he was wearing the night before was nowhere to be seen. He hoped not to have been so stupid to leave in the living room, where everybody could see it.

He ultimately focused on Rachel. For the first time since he had woken up, he relaxed.

'God, she is beautiful', he thought.

And she was, indeed, especially with that new short haircut.

Ross used to worship her hair when they were dating.

When they had gotten together years before, Rachel had a wonderful haircut, one of those hairstyle that women all over the world would try to emulate, had Rachel been a fashion icon. Ross had once stated jokingly that they might as well have named it after her, The Rachel.

However, when he had seen Rachel entering Central Perk after cutting her hair, Ross had blushed for the first time in a while. Back then, she was concentrated on her crush for Tag, so she had probably decided to change her looks to try and charm her young assistant.

He couldn't help it, though. To his eyes, Rachel had never looked so pleasant and carefree; she was visibly glowing.

Ross was never jealous of Tag while Rachel went out with him; he knew that their relationship wouldn't last. It was clearly a fling with no future, like the one he'd engaged with Elizabeth. She was too young for Ross, just as Tag was too young for Rachel.

Yet, whenever he saw his former girlfriend with that short hair, he was hurt by the mere thought that it was another man the one allowed to tell her how good she looked.

To such an extent that he did feel a little pang of jealousy.

For the second time that morning, Ross observed her sleeping form, thinking that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

The realization struck him.

They had slept together. For real.

And God, he had missed her.

He had never hoped to have another chance to be with Rachel after the whole Montauk epic fail and the way it had ended – We were on a break!

Ross narrowed his eyes thoughtfully; that had been the last time they had made love. The last magic moment of intimacy shared with the woman of his dreams.

'Until now', he thought, flashing an amused grin in her direction.

So what would happen now?

Ross knew that he still had feelings for Rachel, deep feelings.

But was he still in love with her?

He was trying to figure this out, when said woman began to move and rubbed her eyes.

Unlike Ross, Rachel immediately shifted her arm behind her back, looking for something. Ross stared at her movements with a wavering smile, wondering what she was up to. Then he followed Rachel's hand as it finally found its target.

She was looking for his hand.

He felt their fingers intertwining and the sudden need to focus his eyes back on Rachel's face. A big grin had appeared on her lips as soon as she had realized that he was still there.

For just a split second, Ross feared that she might be thinking that someone else was there, but then he remembered what she always did when they were still a couple.

Since Rachel had found out about his Hug and Roll strategy, after a long fight ('I need the room!' - 'Then get one for yourself!') followed by a wonderful session of makeup sex, they had stopped being cuddly sleepers.

Thus whenever they spent the night together, the first thing Rachel did when she woke up in the morning was looking for Ross's hand, almost as if she was reassuring herself of his presence.

That was one of the memories of their intimate time together he cherished the most.

He guiltily wondered whether she did this with other men, too.

"No." came Rachel's groggy reply.

"What?" Ross inquired tenderly.

Rachel finally opened her eyes, still smiling. "If you were wondering, the answer is no. This is our thing."

'So what, now she can even read my mind?' Ross thought.

His eyes roamed over the masterpiece that was her face, so filled with love that he almost could not breathe.

He shook his head slowly, huffing in exasperation.

'Who am I kidding? Of course I'm still in love with her.'

Rachel's eyes were still fixated on his. Ross wondered if she felt as concerned as he was.

The expression on her face was unequivocal.

The feelings were all there to see, for both of them. But were they ready to start things up again? And most importantly, did Rachel want to?

Ross knew he couldn't push her, and he didn't want to rush into anything. He wouldn't be the one to ask, he was sure he couldn't survive another rejection.

And they had so much to think about, Monica and Chandler's wedding was in just over a month. It wasn't the moment to come out with such a huge news. Monica would kill them; she would think that they were trying to steal her thunder. Again.

Rachel sighed in exasperation, "We are the biggest basket case on Earth, you know that?"

Ross chuckled gleefully, "I agree with you completely. I'm pretty sure this might be one of the few things we will always agree about."

Rachel chuckled along with him, "Oh, Boy." She whispered, internalizing the magnitude of what had happened the night before. "What do we do about…this?"

Ross knew that he had to be realistic, maybe a bit cynical. "Well, if I recall correctly, when Chandler and Monica got engaged we both admitted that sleeping together one last time would be great."

"Yeah." Rachel urged him to go on.

"So…it looks like we eventually succumb to our mutual desire."

Rachel's lips curved into a grin, "What a hell of a bonus night!" she cheerfully exclaimed.

It was Ross's turn to laugh along, "Yeah, it was incredible."

Rachel noticed that they both had not moved from their previous position, their hands still clasped together.

Her mind was full of running thoughts.

What she really wanted was to confess her real feelings.

She had missed Ross terribly.

Sleeping together wasn't just a bonus night, because every time they had sex always meant something.

She was sure that she still had feelings for him, even if she couldn't figure them out herself.

The truth was that it didn't matter whom she was with (Joshua, Danny, Paul, Tag); Ross was the only man whose presence was constant in her mind.

Sure, there were times when she could turn off that (immeasurable) portion of her brain that belonged to Ross and she could go on with her life. Like when she had decided to sign the divorce papers even if Ross had evidently admitted that he was still in love with her.

Or like when she had tried to act blasé after Ross's speech declaring that he still harbored hopes for them to be together and that was the reason why he had rejected Jill's advance.

'So why couldn't I do it yesterday?' she asked herself.

Maybe because she was tired of being rational and she had felt the need to follow her instinct, just for once.

But was that the right moment to express all these thoughts out loud?

Ross wasn't saying anything, was she even sure that he wanted to get involved with her, again?

"If Joey keeps up with his dating schedule, he'll probably be here soon with breakfast." He said quietly.

"Assuming that his night went well." Rachel interjected.

Ross grinned slyly, "Have you seen him since yesterday night?"

"Point made." She nodded in agreement. "Maybe you…you should go."

Ross nodded in agreement and sat in the bed, reluctantly letting Rachel's hand go.

"I mean…" Rachel was looking for a way to broach the subject, "If the guys found out about this…they might get the wrong idea about us. And we don't want to go down that road again, right?"

Rachel's blue eyes were full of hope, but she was trying to conceal her inner turmoil. Little did she know that Ross was feeling just like her.

"We've already been in that place, being together was tough" he was lying and he knew it, "And, we don't want to start things up again, I mean…do you?"

They shook their heads faster than a normal situation would require, both gasping and internalizing the fact that neither of them had in fact answered the question.

Ross knew Rachel very well; she wasn't convinced of what she was saying, but until he found out the truth, he wouldn't put pressure on her.

Rachel wasn't ready to see him go. Not if she didn't confess at least one thing to him.

"Listen, Ross…You have to know this." She said quietly. "This wasn't just a bonus night for me. When I'm with you…"

As Rachel tried to find the right words, Ross stared at her with devotion.

"Well, it's always important, I mean…You know. It's us." She smiled, waving her finger between them to emphasize what she was saying.

Ross nodded in agreement, "I know. And I feel the same." he admitted. "Regrets?"

She smiled reassuringly, "Never."

"Good. Because I have no regrets either. In fact, I think this may be the coolest thing that happened to me this year. Or at least in the last six months."

Ross caught Rachel's questioning expression. She obviously didn't know about his sex abstinence. She wiggled her eyebrows at Ross, with an authentic and lovely expression that gave him some strength to talk honestly.

"Rach…"

"What?" she asked, hopeful.

Ross pondered the possibility to tell her the truth, but he opted for something much less dangerous. He huffed to himself, and then he said tenderly, "You look stunning with this haircut."

Rachel had expected a very different statement, but as soon as she heard Ross compliment her, she blushed flagrantly.

She knew that it was silly to blush after the night of amazing sex they just had. She couldn't help it, though.

"Ross..."

"I'm sorry, Rach, I had to tell you. I've wanted to tell you for months, and now I finally have the chance to say this. You are gorgeous. It's one of the reasons I'll keep this night in my heart forever."

If Rachel had not succumbed to Ross's words before, she eventually did then.

This was another demonstration of why she still had feelings for him: he was the sweetest man when it came to tell her how great and beautiful she was. Ross may sound too cheesy at times, but when he said those kind of things, he meant them.

His words always came from his heart, not from his mind. He wasn't trying to score, to reach third base. Ross and Rachel had already slept together; he was saying this after.

"Ok, I think I'm really going to take off, now."

"Ok. See you later, down at the coffeehouse?" Rachel was not eager to face the day without him, but she didn't want to show. "We can ask Joey about his date." She suggested with a delighted grin on her face.

Ross chortled along with her, "Ok. So…this is going to be our secret?"

Rachel was convinced at least of that, "Well, it's the right thing to do. I don't want to spoil their expectations only to let them down. Can you imagine Phoebe's reaction if she knew?"

Ross shook his head, smiling, "She's always been our number one fan."

"Yeah…A Lobsters supporter." Rachel recalled the nickname their crazy friend had given to them when they first got together.

This time Ross shook his head in disbelief and yearning, "God, it feels like a lifetime ago."

Rachel nodded with sadness, "Yeah."

That was the moment when their eyes met again.

Ross fought an internal battle with himself, but this time logic and rationality lost.

Following his instinct, he bent towards Rachel and surrendered to his instinct, capturing her lips in his own and closing the space that separated them.

His hands came up to rest possessively on her cheeks, then Rachel felt them running through her short strands. Startled a bit by his sudden decision to kiss her, she let herself go anyway. She positioned her hands on his hips automatically, in a gesture that felt, oh – so familiar.

The last time they had kissed with such passion, they were outside under a starry sky, rolled up in the scent of the sea that enticed their senses. Back then, they had been interrupted by their friends.

This time, they could enjoy the feeling and the taste of each other. And since the night before, Rachel had made a very important discovery: Ross's kisses never got old; instead, they only got better.

She felt a swirl of emotions twisting within her, but above all, she experienced the painful awareness that this moment would be over soon.

When his lips eventually left hers, Rachel felt bereft.

They both wheezed fast, trying to catch their breath.

"I'm sorry." Ross managed to say, somehow hesitantly. "My head was yelling 'No', but knowing that this might be the last time I have the chance to do this…I just couldn't resist."

Rachel didn't need his apologies.

She knew too well what Ross was trying to say, because that was how she felt too.

"I know. It's okay." She smiled reassuringly, again.

Ross nodded and stood up from the bed. Fortunately, he wasn't completely naked because to some point during the night, when they were stumbling towards Rachel's bedroom, he had put on his underwear.

"Geez, where are my clothes?" he wondered in a high-pitched tone, making Rachel stifle a laugh.

She smiled in contentment, and then she turned over and closed her eyes, ready to go back to sleep.

In the meantime, Ross put on his pants; he walked into the living room, frantically looking for his sweater, but he couldn't see it anywhere. He eventually gave up, intending to ask Rachel later.

He had no idea that Joey would be the one to find it, stuck under the couch.

And he couldn't imagine that he would not see that red sweater for like a month…