Hello everybody!

I'm really glad to update this fiction with a new chapter.

We go back to the beginning of season 7, to the time when Rachel and Ross almost had their bonus night.

I hope you enjoy this!

Episode: The One With Monica's Thunder (7x01)

Rachel was zapping through the channels, but she couldn't give her attention to anything she saw on TV. Too many thoughts were running through her mind, and she felt confused.

In spite of what she had said in front of Monica and Chandler before, she felt guilty for how things had gone with Ross.

He could behave like an idiot, at times, but she couldn't deny that she had felt excited at the prospect of spending the night together.

She touched her mouth, remembering the taste of Ross's lips on hers.

They – had - kissed.

How long was it since they had last kissed?

'Did we kiss in Vegas?', she wondered.

She couldn't remember. The most recent moment of intimacy with Ross that came to her mind was that time they had slept together after the beach, before breaking up for good.

'Has it been that long?'

Why was she feeling like that?

The matter of Ross and her together hadn't been on the table for so long, and yet just one kiss and a few minutes of flirting were enough to drive her crazy.

The last man she had been with was Paul. They had slept together just once, but that wasn't definitely memorable. That sex encounter had been kind of traumatic, with Paul bursting into tears at the end.

But tonight it wasn't just a matter of physical attraction. It wasn't about being with a man.

It was the idea of being with that particular man to intrigue Rachel.

After the last round of zap, she finally decided to take the matter into her own hands. She clapped her hands, turned off the TV and exited her apartment, walking out of the building.

Ross was surprised to find Rachel in front of him when he opened the door.

"Hey." She said, smiling unconsciously as soon as he appeared.

Rachel couldn't help but notice that he wasn't wearing his suit jacket anymore, just the light blue shirt and a loosened tie.

'My god, he's cute tonight.' She thought to herself.

In the last few years she had found herself liking Ross's casual outfits, but when he dressed like that she always found it hard to resist him.

To be completely honest, since they had gotten married in Vegas Ross had been even more attractive than when they were a couple. She even liked his new haircut.

"Hi, what are you doing here?" he asked, astonishment evident in his tone.

"Uhm…listen I really need to talk to you, can I get in for a minute?"

"Sure." He replied, oblivious to what was going on in Rachel's mind.

Like Rachel, Ross had been watching TV. She heard the typical voice over of a documentary, then Ross turned the TV off. She secretly smiled to herself, 'He's never gonna change.'

"Are you here to reinforce your message of backing off?"

Rachel chuckled, "No, actually…I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry."

Ross scrutinized her, "Uh? That's…new."

"I know, but…I feel like I was too over the top, before, with Monica and Chandler, I mean…"

"When Monica said that she was sorry to almost made you sleep with me?" he smirked.

"No, when I said…that the moment had passed." She clarified.

Ross felt sincerely grateful, "It doesn't matter, Rach, that was…it was my fault, ok? I shouldn't have insisted like that, I just embarrassed myself."

Rachel stifled a laugh, "Maybe a little bit." She touched his arm softly to make him understand that she was joking. "Not even Chandler would have managed to blurt out the things you said about you enjoying your hands."

"What do I know, classic Ross!"

They laughed together with satisfaction.

"So, are we good?" Rachel wondered.

"Absolutely, I wasn't even thinking about it anymore."

Rachel felt a hint of pain for Ross's words. So he hadn't been affected at all?

"Really?" she asked, bothered.

"Well, I mean…it's better, isn't it? I don't think that sleeping together would have been the smartest idea…what were we thinking, that this wouldn't raise the question of us?"

Rachel laughed along with Ross, remembering the night they spent together before flying to Las Vegas.

And yet…

"Would it really be that stupid?" she asked, in all seriousness.

"More stupid than getting married in Vegas and file for divorce after a few weeks?"

"Hey!" she yelled back at him, "If you hadn't kept our marriage a secret, we would have had our annulment just one day after the wedding!"

Ross smiled, "Touché."

Ross got quiet. Rachel wondered if the whole third divorce fiasco was still an open wound, to him.

She knew that it was, to her.

At least, the idea of divorcing Ross.

"Anyway…I meant what I said, before." Rachel confessed.

"What?" Ross asked, sensing the change of mood. "Many things were said, before."

"You know…when we were alone, in the hallway."

"You mean when you said that I was good at the stuff?" he wondered.

Rachel giggled, "When we talked about us…"

"Yeah, I guess. I-I… I mean, do-do you think we're ever gonna have that?"

Ross was shocked by that question, "You mean, we—you and me?!"

"Oh no-no-no-no-no, no, no! We, you with someone and me with someone."

"Well, I didn't like it, that the only good thing of our relationship you seem to remember...is that."

Rachel was caught by surprise.

Until then, she had thought she was being pretty obvious about her intentions. She really wanted to continue their previous conversation about the bonus night they never had.

After Ross's comment though, she realized she had been too ambiguous.

"Ross…our relationship was the best I've ever had. Or at least it was, until we started fighting at all times. It was perfect."

Ross's expression changed, he evidently felt cheered up by her words, "Really?" he inquired her, with a soft voice.

"Absolutely. Come on, I couldn't even think of compare it to Barry, or- or Joshua…Or worse, Paolo!"

Ross ground his teeth imperceptibly.

"Rest assured. Nothing can compare to what we had. I know it didn't end well, but…it meant everything to me."

Ross flashed a wavering grin at her, "I'm glad. I feel the same, by the way."

Rachel now was curious, "You think about it often? About the past, I mean."

Ross sighed, "To be honest, I try to think about it as little as possible."

Now it was Rachel's turn to be disappointed.

"No, no, it's not that I don't want to…it's just too…hard, you know?"

Rachel knew.

"It was the greatest year of my life. And…knowing that we fell apart because of me…well it's a wound that's going to hurt forever."

"Oh…" Rachel almost sobbed. She nodded, suddenly feeling a huge wave of sadness.

For the first time since she had arrived, she realized that she was doing something really stupid. What was she thinking, opening old wounds like that?

"I think I'd better take off, now." She murmured.

Ross was gazing at her with a very different look in his eyes, now, "Yes, I think It's better."

Rachel walked towards the door with Ross in tow.

"Anyway, if you ever feel like pick this up later…you know where to find me." He finally stated, his eyes roaming over her face.

Rachel smiled, hoping that her hands would find the doorknob before she would give in.

Because she knew how difficult it was to let this go.

She was glad that the rational part of her brain was convincing her to go away, but at the same time she was sorry.

The evening had started with the prospect of spending the night with Ross. Now, she couldn't believe she would end up alone in her bed.

And knowing how every night spent with him had always been amazing, she felt like she was missing the chance of a lifetime.

She unexpectedly remembered of that day Ross had revealed how many times they did it – 298.

She was so willing to increase that amount to a nice round number, like 300. Why not after a conversation like this, after confessing all these weird feelings…

Rachel's hands moved on their own accord, reaching for Ross's loosened tie.

She tightened it with a slow sensual movement.

She could feel Ross's deep breaths and she sensed his eyes staring at her. She knew that her behavior was affecting him.

"You know where to find me, too." She whispered, finally looking up at him.

Ross swallowed hard, "Uhm…ok…"

"Ross?"

"W-What?" he managed to say.

"What are you thinking?" she asked cautiously, like she had a few hours before.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Just some stuff."

With all the courage he could muster up, Ross replied, "I'm thinking that I'd really wanna ask you to stay."

"Why don't you?" her voice was even lower than before.

Ross kept looking in her eyes while answering without conviction, "Because I would do it for the wrong reasons and I'm afraid you would regret this, tomorrow."

Rachel nodded, knowing that Ross was right, but nonetheless saddened.

Maybe he was right. This whole thing about a bonus night, no strings attached…it was ridiculous. They kind of had unfinished business with each other, lingering feelings that never managed to get away.

It hadn't been that long since Jill had come to the city, and Ross had confessed to Rachel that he still harbored hope for something to happen with them, again.

And just a few hours ago, Rachel had switched her Joey napkin with Phoebe to get Ross's. And they both had felt like it was the right thing to do.

Because Ross and Rachel still had this unbreakable bond that tied them.

No, Ross was right. Sleeping together would be wrong, from every point of view. Raising the matter would oblige them to face it, and Ross and Rachel weren't ready.

And the others weren't ready too, seeing how Monica had reacted so badly when she had found them kissing in the hallway. It wouldn't be fair to her, deciding to sort things out with Ross when Monica was finally engaged. Rachel didn't want to overshadow her best friend.

"Fine, I'm really gonna go, now." Rachel finally gave up.

"Ok."

She stared intently at him for one last time.

"Good night, Ross." She said, opening the door.

"Night, Rach."

She ultimately surrendered to the temptation of caressing his tie again, and Ross couldn't handle it anymore.

"All right, that's enough." He snapped, dragging Rachel to himself.

Rachel couldn't even manage a coherent thought when she felt Ross's lips kissing hers.

Her mouth was welcoming his like rain in the desert. Their tongues began an old well-known dance.

Rachel closed the door with a foot and Ross dragged her behind with him, still unable to move his hands from all over her.

They were clinging to each other like their lives depended on it.

Kissing, touching, caressing every inch of the other's body they could reach.

When Rachel noticed that they were imperceptibly moving towards the bedroom, she gasped for some hair and finally did what she'd wanted to do all night: she took Ross's tie from his neck and struggled to take it off. She slid it over his head and throw it on the floor.

Ross's eyes were still close, but his smile was maybe the most adorable thing Rachel had ever seen, with those lovely dimples appearing on his cheeks.

It reminded her of the first time they were together, at the Planetarium.

As they were reaching the corridor that leaded to the bedroom, Ross suddenly put his hands on her arms to stop her.

"Rach…"

He delicately pushed her back, shutting down any attempt of resistance to Rachel's part.

Ross tried and put some distance between their bodies.

"We can't do this, Rach…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." He apologized.

Rachel was panting. She stared at Ross, incredulous for that turn of events.

She suddenly realized how crazy that whole situation was. Succumbing to their secret mutual desire in classic Ross and Rachel style.

"It's okay…" she murmured. "It's not your fault. I was the one who came here."

"No, it's my fault…I shouldn't have…"

Ross sighed, leaning his head on her forehead. Rachel couldn't believe this, but…was he on the verge of crying?

"I am so sorry, Rach…" he finally whispered.

Rachel knew that he wasn't apologizing for kissing her.

He was telling her that he was sorry for them.

For the fact that they weren't a couple anymore.

It was Rachel's turn to feel bad. Silent unshed tears appeared to the corner of her eyes.

She nodded fast, taking some needed distance from Ross.

They stared at each other, two miserable lobsters without shell.

Ross's arms were now positioned on his hips, his expression was worth a thousand words.

"That could have been us…" Rachel muttered, feeling the tears finally stream down her face.

Ross nodded in agreement, trying to hold a sob.

Rachel ran away.