I've been asked for this, so I'm going to satisfy the wish – even if the last chapter was VERY close to this episode .

This one shot takes place during the last episode of season 6.

Enjoy!

Episode: The One With The Proposal: Part 2 (6x25)

It only took Rachel a couple of seconds to realize how surreal that sounded.

Phoebe with a Ross napkin and herself with a Joey one.

'This is ridiculous', Rachel thought.

"We should just switch." She complained.

"Yeah, absolutely!" Phoebe agreed without batting an eye.

Rachel couldn't help but notice that Joey and Ross were nodding in agreement, too.

For the umpteenth time, she felt that well-known sensation to the bottom of her stomach, the typical butterflies that flew all around whenever something Ross-related came up unexpectedly.

"I'd better take off" Joey interrupted Rachel's internal debate "I really hope Chandler found Monica."

"Why, what happened?" Ross asked, oblivious about all the concern around the couple.

"Chandler's plan to make Monica believe that he wasn't wedding material backfired on him. Richard told her that he wants to marry her."

"What?!" Rachel, Ross and Phoebe screamed in unison.

"How come Monica didn't tell us anything?" Rachel wondered.

"It was all so sudden, she wasn't expecting this, but now she's out there, thinking that Chandler doesn't want to marry her."

"Where is Chandler?" Ross asked.

"Out there, looking for Monica to propose to her!"

"Oh god, this sucks!" Ross said.

"Yeah…remember this mess, the next time you're proposing to someone." Joey taunted Ross, patting his back as he glared back at him.

"I'm going with you." Phoebe said, following Joey outside.

Rachel and Ross sat comfortably on the couch; she could sense that Ross was still a bit worried about Monica and Chandler.

"You think they're going to be ok?" he asked Rachel.

"Yeah…Monica would have told me, you know? I mean, if this was a real issue."

Ross knew that Rachel was Monica's best friend, and he could only thank god for that. This woman may have had some flaws, but when it came to Monica, she was the best friend a person could ask for. She was like a sister, to her.

"Come on, let's try and not focus on that" Rachel patted Ross's thigh with a gentle touch. "How are you feeling about this? Does it feel weird, not being the one proposing, for once?"

Ross stared at Rachel with annoyance, but he couldn't stay mad at her long. As soon as she giggled for her own joke, he smiled back.

"Well…honestly it's a relief. I'm glad I'm not involved with all the drama. And I'm really happy for Monica. After all she's been through…I think this is the best thing that could ever happen to her."

Rachel flashed a delighted grin at Ross. She always melted, when he behaved like a caring older brother.

"Yeah, I'm very happy, too." She tried and hide all her worries about this subject.

But Ross knew better. He looked at her, waiting for a different response to come.

"You are not!" he spelled out.

"Ok, I am a bit jealous!" Rachel admitted. "But I know you're too."

Ross chuckled, still smiling for Rachel's silly behavior, "All right, I am a bit envious, yeah. I am the Wedding King, after all."

"So you're annoyed for the wedding per se?" Rachel mocked him.

Ross sighed, "Well…Mon and Chan are going to be the first to get married…for real, I mean…and I can't help it, it bothers me. Especially when I think that a few months ago…"

Ross stopped talking, sighing again as he stared at Rachel with the most miserable look in his eyes.

They didn't need to say this out loud, they both had been thinking about Vegas since Chandler had revealed he was going to propose.

They were married.

"I know…" Rachel nodded in agreement, her voice taking on a low unhappy tone. "But Ross…you must admit that divorcing was the smartest thing to do, we couldn't go on with that marriage…it was a big drunken mistake." She repeated, maybe to convince herself more than Ross.

"I know, you're right, but…even if it lasted only a few weeks and even if it was a secret…" Ross looked at her with caution, but her half smile invited him to go on "When you decided to move in with me…For a moment, I actually thought that we could be husband and wife. Well, it was nice being married to you."

Rachel nodded, trying not to show that she was almost crying. Ross always had a way with words. Many people confirmed that his speeches made them cry.

Unfortunately, Rachel knew about this ability of his more than anyone.

After a moment in which she tried and compose herself, out of the blue she heard a question coming out of her mouth "Do you ever think about it?"

"About what?" he inquired tenderly.

"About how it could have been if…if you had asked me to get married when we were together."

Ross shook his head, "I try not to think about it."

Rachel felt disappointed, "Why?" she urged him.

"Oh, no no no, don't take this the wrong way. Of course I think about it, more often that I care to admit. But it still hurts."

Rachel eventually realized his point of view. She knew what he meant.

That did still hurt.

And yet, Rachel felt that this was the right moment to get a due answer to one of her most intimate questions.

"Ross…can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Well this is something that has been tormenting me for…years…and I've never found the courage to ask you properly."

"Ok…" he said with a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

"You asked Emily to marry you after a few weeks…so how come you never proposed to me?"

Ross felt his body shaking in anxiety. He was reaching a new level of despair.

He would have never imagined Rachel inquiring him about this.

His hands were sweating, he rubbed them against his thighs, the way he used to whenever he felt unease.

"Maybe I shouldn't have asked you." Rachel whispered.

This time, Ross felt upset, "Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have."

Rachel suddenly got furious, "Ok, you know what? Yes, I should ask you! Why don't you put yourself in my shoes for once, uh? We've been together for a year, even if we both know how it ended. I watched you going out with Emily and propose to her after like five minutes; do you have any idea how that made me feel? I was devastated, Ross!"

Ross was shocked by Rachel's honesty. They never spoke like that.

"I've asked myself a thousand times, and I never found the right answer. Was it because you loved her more than me? Please, I need to know."

"Rach!" he gasped in surprise. "It's not that…"

He tried to order his thoughts and find the right words.

"I never loved her more than you, I want this to be clear. Geez, whatever happens to me, whoever happens to me…I don't think I'll ever love someone the way I was in love with you back then!"

'Well, that is an answer', Rachel secretly cheered up inside.

Ross noticed her cheeks turning red, so he knew that he had chosen a safe approach to that important matter.

As soon as he saw Rachel diverting her eyes to hide her embarrassment, he found himself taking a mental unspoken note.

'The way I still love you.'

"But…when I felt I was losing Emily, like I had lost you…I couldn't stand the idea of having a relationship like that, with us living in two different continents. I had to do something to convince her and stay. I didn't have the strength to let her go; Emily was the only thing that kept me afloat after our break up."

Rachel nodded, finally understanding Ross's feelings.

"So yeah, maybe I loved her…enough to ask her to marry me. But not that much. She was mainly a means to get over you."

Rachel let the words sink in. She couldn't believe how this conversation had turned out.

"So you're telling me that you proposed to Emily only because you were afraid to be alone, again?"

"Not really…I think I was more afraid of ending another relationship. I couldn't cope with it. And with Emily…it was nice at the beginning, you know? Doing all those new things, feeling good with myself…I needed that. After our break up, we spent the majority of the time fighting over the stupidest things…I needed to get back to what I was before us."

Rachel's heart broke a bit when she heard this confession.

"I wanted to feel that I was a good person, mostly because I knew what a jerk I had been to you…after the beach, dating women to make you jealous, that scene I made at Thanksgiving…"

"Oh, Ross, you don't have to be sorry for that."

"I accused you of being devoid of sentiment!" he yelled. "I knew that was stupid, I was just angry at you, for that habit of exchanging gifts…I had no right to say that you were feelingless, I'm so sorry, Rachel."

She smiled at him, making Ross know that she had accepted his apology.

"So…in a way I'm grateful to Emily. She really helped me become a better person."

Rachel was really bummed to hear Ross talking like that about the only person in the world she probably hated.

And Ross, who knew Rachel's expressions better than anyone, obviously noticed this.

"But then she blew up any respect I ever had for her when she asked me to do the only thing I couldn't."

Rachel's eyes lifted from the floor; she immediately watched Ross with a hopeful look on her face.

"What, divorcing again?" Rachel lightened the mood with a joke.

"No…" Ross chuckled. "Cut you out of my life."

Rachel nodded, narrowing her eyes, "And yet…you agreed, at first."

"I was out of my mind; I was frightened at the idea of a second divorce before my 30s… I didn't understand how small that was, compared to the prospect of losing you for good. It was such a huge mistake."

Rachel tried and internalize every word.

"When I realized that I was about to spend my life without you in it…I backed off, I didn't hesitate."

Rachel finally smiled, "I know. I was there. And I'll always be grateful for that."

Ross nodded, relieved that this conversation was over.

"I think that we probably will always have a special bond between us. More than with any other person. I know it's not easy to get this, for the guys, I mean…we spend most of the time bitching at each other…but I know this is just our way to deal with our situation…"

"I think…they do get it, more than you'd think." Ross stated seriously.

"So what, you believe the guys would be happy if we got back together?"

Ross sighed, even the mere thought of getting back with Rachel drove him insane, "I believe they would be ecstatic."

Ross remembered the way Phoebe had tried to make him admit his feelings for Rachel when they were still married.

"But…they accept the fact that this is our decision…so, they know this is probably never gonna happen, right?"

Ross asked the question with such nonchalance that Rachel found herself speechless.

"Yeah, I suppose." She eventually replied.

They both nodded, avoiding awkward looks.

She so wanted to answer differently.

She wanted to yell, 'Hey, you know what? I still have feelings for you, Ross, why don't we stop being two idiots and get back together?'

But she wouldn't.

She couldn't.

And yet, she suddenly remembered the little item in her pocket.

"But, you know… there's a napkin in my pocket, stipulating that we're going to have a definitive answer in ten years."

After realizing what Rachel meant, Ross burst out laughing.

"You're right!" he agreed when his laughter subsided, "You're my official backup, now!"

"And don't you forget it!" she smirked.

Ross looked at his watch, remembering that Ben was waiting for him to show up.

"I gotta go, now."

He bended over, hugging Rachel and kissing her on the cheek.

Like they often did.

Like it was just a casual greeting between two friends.

Knowing that this wasn't a casual greeting between two friends.

Rachel stared at him, "Thank you for your explanation, Ross. I really needed to hear those things."

"You're welcome." He replied in all seriousness, knowing this would help them getting even closer than before.

And then they shared one of those looks.

So typically, Ross and Rachel's.

A look that hid hopes and fears.

A look that always got interrupted by the most coward of them.

"See you later at Mon's?" Ross asked, backing off a bit from her.

"Sure…see ya." She replied.

Rachel watched him go away, lost in a brooding mood.

Thinking that she felt incredibly relieved, after that conversation.

Thinking about Monica and Chandler, probably in the middle of a proposal.

Thinking about the napkin.

Thinking that she still had time to define what would happen with Ross and Rachel.

Thinking that at times like these, all she wanted was to surrender to her inner secret desire of being together with him, again. Even if only for one night.

'Maybe I really should', she thought.

Feeling like a load had been lifted from his back, Ross was content and excited at the same time.

He reconsidered the last twenty minutes.

Thinking about his sister and his friend, knowing that the next time he would see them, they would probably be engaged.

Thinking about Rachel, about his past, his present and his future.

Thinking that in spite of all, he probably still had feelings for her.

Thinking that he didn't know what would be of Ross and Rachel.

Knowing, that if it hadn't been for a terrible mistake…

'…It could have been us.'