Jess

The city was surprisingly quiet.

Instead of the usual chaos of congested roads and fast-paced hustle and bustle, New York was subdued and almost peaceful. The cars weren't as jammed on the streets. The general energy wasn't as quick paced. The sidewalk traffic was a little lighter than what it should be at lunch on a Wednesday. But the unexpected stillness of the bustling city was a welcomed respite.

And Jess was grateful.

Because, as uncharacteristically not busy as it was, the aroma of car exhaust and city garbage, the symphony of shouting New Yorkers and honking taxis, the energy of urgency; it still was enough to push Rory a little closer to him as they walked through the madness.

Closer than she would have in suburban Connecticut.

The wind was blowing hard. The plywood hoarding rattled under the strain of the gusts as they walked under the scaffolding of another city-commissioned improvement. The fliers glued to the boards clung on for dear life, some threatening to rip off the wood completely.

Jess couldn't help but cast a concerned glance towards Rory, who was trying to shield herself from the biting cold by wrapping her arms around her torso. That uniform, sexy as it was, was not meant for this weather. But, at the same time, it was so Rory. Like ditching school not wearing it would have been wrong or something.

Without breaking his stride, Jess opened his jacket and draped the denim over her shoulders. Rory didn't ask, and Jess didn't care that she didn't. All the same, Rory smiled up at him gratefully while narrowly avoiding an oncoming pedestrian. She pulled the jacket tighter, disappearing into the folds of the jacket's wool lining. The white lapels contrasting against the dark denim as she tucked her chin to her chest.

And Jess smirked.

Rory was a wisp of sheer beauty with a soft, shy smile. She was the type of beautiful that Jess was convinced God tailor-made just for him. A perfect creature made from the strands of unicorn hair and the music of Athena. Made from the vast blue oceans and the deepest fires of the earth. Fabricated to unmake every woven thread of existence as he knew it. This slight delicate woman with her brandy coloured hair, skin of milk, and rose petal lips drove him to the edge of wanting without even knowing she'd done it. Everything else Jess thought he wanted was dwarfed in comparison.

And now, here she was, wrapped up tightly in his jacket. Taking in his scent as she nuzzled into it, letting it circle her with warmth.

Yeah, Jess was feeling a bit smug.

They paused at the edge of the sidewalk. Only a few blocks left to get to Mario's hot dog stand, the street vendor that sat just outside his favourite book store. Jess watched as Rory looked around, taking in the city.

Fuck, she came to visit him. She came to visit him. It made Jess swell pride and shrink with nerves all at the same time.

This was his world they were in. Rory was the Princess of Stars Hollow, but Jess was the King of New York. And Rory was silenced with fascination of the kingdom he ruled over. His empire. But, ruling the nomads in the city that never slept was a hollow, lonely existence. Jess's urban kingdom was cold and empty. The city lost its lustre, its gleam, its shine. And, it appears Jess found something back in Stars Hollow that New York didn't have.

Well, didn't have until today anyway.

Rory Freaking Gilmore.

Out in the distance, the screeching of tires shrieked out and Rory flinched next to him. Her shoulder bumped into his while they stood at the traffic light, and Jess wondered if the sound made a phantom memory cascade down her wrist. Guilt rushed through him.

For fuck's sake. It was just an accident. And he made sure she was okay. Was that not enough?

Who was he kidding, of course it wasn't. This was his fault. Jess got too close to purity, to godliness, to real happiness; just edges from the Holy Grail itself before being deemed unworthy. Before being cast out and exiled back to New York where he couldn't do any more harm.

That was his punishment. Emptiness without Rory was his purgatory. Jess was to be torn away from her voice, her smile, and her eyes. It was the kind of torture that drove weaker men to madness. Real deep, all-encompassing longing. It was raw and harsh and cruel.

And Jess had accepted it. Accepted it as what he probably deserved. At least according to her people. And her mother. And clearly to the high powers that be.

So, Jess sat in the stillness of the city's chaos, letting the dullness of life without Rory encompass his existence. Jess sat in that park every damned day since he left her town and returned to his city. His hands numbly turned the pages of his book while he began to accept that timing was indeed a bitch.

Jess stifled another smirk as he glanced at her, walking by his side through the urban jungle of New York.

Well, shit. Maybe Rory didn't think he was unworthy. And that was more important than what anyone else thought.

Averting his gaze, Jess cleared the lump in his throat before resuming his pace as they crossed the street. Mario's hot dog stand was just ahead of them now; he could see it in the distance under the sign for Used Books and Hot Coffee.

"It's just up ahead there," he said, pointing out in front of him, and Rory nodded with excitement. It made him jittery with purpose, like he needed to show her more. Like he needed to keep that glow on her cheeks.

"I feel very urban today," Rory said, finally breaking her silence since they left the park.

Thank fucking god. That was starting to unnerve him. Her voice smoothed out his roughness. It was liquid and sweet, with a gentleness that didn't belong to New York, but did all the same. A tickling of the high notes of melody that uplifted the minor harmony of his soul.

God, Jess missed this. So fucking much.

Play it cool, he thought.

"Oh yeah, the plaid just screams urban," he hid his grin behind his fist before fixing his trademark stoicism back into place.

"I think I look like a native."

Fuck, Jess thought for the fifth time since he saw her, and it wouldn't be the last. No, Jess would say "fuck" to himself at least ten more times on May 12, 2002. And, yes, he memorized the date. It was branded on his very being. This fuck was because while, no, Rory did not look like a native, "fuck, she looked perfect."

"How well do you know Manhattan?" He asked.

"I've been here a few times." The joy of memory erupted on her face and she launched into a story about a Bangles concert and a shopping trip went wrong, and all he could do was take in every movement of Rory.

This was what he wanted. Her typical mess of words. Her joy. Her sparkle. The way her hair would pick up in the breeze. The way her chest would rise and fall with the rapid breaths of rant. The way she would shimmer.

And her eyes, fuck, her eyes killed him.

A shade of blue that was ethereal and held a vast hunger to absorb every ounce of knowledge that graced her sight. Like the sea after a hurricane. Pure, clean, rainfall that cleansed the evil from the world and washed truth to the surface. His truth.

"–so she kept making U-turns and cutting off taxis and we were being screamed at in so many different languages–" Rory went on before finally ending with, "I'm just saying I'm no stranger to the Big Apple."

"You are if you're calling it the Big Apple," Jess laughed, nudging his way passed a group of people walking towards them. She gave him that cute defiant look she wore so well, and Jess swore he could have lost it right there.

It didn't matter that nearly half an hour passed since she found him on that bench, Jess still couldn't believe she was there.

He spent his days begging, pleading to whatever power there was, that the space between them would shrink. That the heavens would open and bring her to him. And now, here she was, and Jess feared he might be hallucinating.

Maybe I'm Tyler Durden? he thought. Maybe his jacket was still clenched in his fist, instead of draped over her shoulders. Maybe he was hearing her voice in his head. Maybe he was seeing her face in a daydream that he wished was reality, and that glitter that illuminated in waves off her was a conjuring of his deepest desires.

But, Rory was there. She was standing next to Jess, her blue eyes a storm on a clear day, full of electricity and static, and it sent a bolt through him. He felt the heat of her as he inched a little closer when they walked. He felt the current of the wind whenever she moved next to him. Jess felt Rory's presence like it was the only tangible thing in a lifetime of intangible things.

If this was a dream, it was a really fucking good dream.

"So, I don't have the lingo down yet," Rory waved him off, "but at least I have the attitude," She concluded before once again launching into her typical rapid word rambles, "when I was getting a locker for my backpack at the bus stop, there was this guy and he was just standing there staring at me and instead of ignoring him I just fixed him with a really withering stare."

"That I've got to see."

"No."

"Oh, come on," he prodded, egged on by the way she suppressed a laugh when she spoke. Someone so sweet, so good, so angelic could not produce anything close to withering, "let me see your withering stare."

"It's dangerous." She exclaimed with a laugh, "I could hurt you."

"I've been hurt before."

"No," Rory said again, this time softer and she added with a whisper, "I don't want to hurt you."

Fuck, Jess thought. That would be the sixth. Rory was walking next to him, with a damn cast on her wrist that he was at fault for, and she was worried about hurting him? It was heart stopping, and gut wrenching, and an absolute bafflement.

No, this had to be real because if it wasn't, then Jess's mind was playing some sick, sick jokes.

Jesus, how on earth could Jess not fall for her when she showed him a tenderness that mended the scars? He never thought someone would care about him at all, his mother taught him that he wasn't worth caring about a long time ago, but Rory was proving that theory all wrong.

Jess felt his body vibrate as he held back the urge to kiss her in the middle of the street. Honey and coffee and peppermint. He felt the sweetest on his tongue and he had yet to even taste her. The sensation was a phantom of a tease and drove Jess mad.

And, they were opposites. Rory was his medicine, and Jess was her overdose. She was his temptation, and he was her condemnation. Her very presence attempted to mend him, while his just begged to corrupt her.

I would gladly corrupt her, Jess thought, his reserve breaking with each passing second.

No. No. Jess couldn't kiss her. Not here. Not now. He couldn't be the one to taint the undercurrent between them. Their moment could not be sullied by Rory's regret over betraying Dean.

"I'm disappointed," Clearing his throat, Jess shook all thoughts out of his mind, before gesturing to her cast, "so your arm's okay?"

"Yeah, it looks worse than it is," she nodded, a blush creeping back on her cheeks as she looked down. Her chin was tucked back under the collar of his jacket and she let out a sigh as she nodded again.

The elephant in the room. He watched her, serious, wanting to see if she meant it. If the pain he caused really did look worse than it felt. Rory looked away from him with a shy smile, looking out across the street. Jess nodded, more to himself, as he reached out and gingerly inspected the cast.

"I like this Emily chick, friend of yours?" His fingertips brushed against the soft skin of her hand as he guided her arm up for a better view.

He couldn't make that feeling up. The softness of her under his calluses. The warmth of her in the cool spring air. The goosebumps that rose on her skin as he held her hand.

She was here. She was actually fucking here. She was flesh and bone, and pure and everything. His hands trembled and Jess had to clasp them behind his back again as they walked through the city.

His city. Holy shit. Rory came to his city. It was like something clicked. Like he was finally grasping the concept.

Well, then, he thought, that changes everything.

As they approached the hotdog stand and ordered the usual, Jess made a promise to himself. A vow right then and there, that this was the day he would show her everything. Jess would take Rory everywhere. He would show her all of what this city had to offer, show her his world. Show her that this could be their city. Or, where ever else she wanted to be would become their kingdom.

Because if he was the King of New York, she was the Queen of his whole fucking world and not just the sheltered, suburban princess everyone seemed to think she was.

Jess took Rory everywhere.

Well, not everywhere. More like, anywhere of consequence. New York was far too big for everywhere. They didn't have the time for everywhere. So, Jess took Rory to where he could in three hours and seventeen minutes.

Not that he was counting.

A New York speed run if you will.

Still, with each place they went, Rory looked more and more relaxed. Radiant even. It was like she was immersing herself in what he was trying to show her with rapt attention, and Jess was amazed by how open she was to it.

Washington Square Park. Check.

Mario's hotdog stand. Check.

Used Books and Fresh Coffee. Check.

The Subway. Check.

Now, his favourite record store, Rotate This.

Rotate This was a small hole in the wall buried in the west village, but, the second Rory walked through the door, Jess swore he saw something light up on her face. The whirling of sweet song danced in the oceans of her eyes, like she heard the sound of a thousand records screaming out and was drawn in by each distinct piece of music, instead of the immensity of the catalogue.

At least, that's how he felt when he first found this place.

But, Jess could see how enthralled Rory was so he was sure he wasn't imagining it. No, she was beaming as the two of them flipped through the stacks of albums, pulling the unique ones out and comparing their finds to share in the discovery together.

It was calm, and natural, and just… right.

The way they were together just worked. The way they talked. The way they both understood the undercurrent between them without speaking a word. The way they swam in the tide of it, moving in some sort of synchronized dance. It was like a telepathic connection between them, unspoken whispers of truth underneath the words spoken, and in such a short time, Rory could pull every thread of the fabric of him apart and see just how he was made.

For the first time in his entire life, Jess understood what it meant to matter to someone.

The air in the store was stiff and hung thick around them. The walls were covered in stickers, and posters, and graffiti, and handwritten notes. The smell of vinyl pressings and old cardboard dust jackets met his nose with every flip of the record. Blaring out of the boom box at the front counter was a grunge track Jess hadn't heard before, but he liked it. And judging by the way Rory tapped her fingers against the milk crate that held another genre of music, Jess could see she was digging it too.

It certainly helped to drown out the thumping of his beating heart which grew louder in his ears every time Rory looked at him.

She was breathtakingly beautiful; focused on the albums before her with a joy that made Jess proud. Proud that he could bring make her gape in wonder. Show her something new. Teach her something that went beyond the school work she already mastered. No, this was a subject that encapsulated passion and life and meaning beyond just career education. It rounded out the edges of a person's life and expanded the horizons to let experience in.

This was music. This was art. And Rory was his muse; his drug. A drug he would chase, crave, and drown in. A drug that opened up a concept that Jess always assumed was closed to him, something that he wasn't worthy of: love.

I guess I am capable of it, he thought.

Well, of course Jess was capable of it. Jess loved fiercely. It was there in the way he took care of his mom every time she came home drunk, or high, or beat up by another one of her boyfriends. It was there when he fixed the toaster for Luke, or teased him, or even protected him from the town's wrath and sheer stupidity. It was there when he tried to inject some form of fun into Rory's pressured and mapped out life.

And it was there when he accepted Stars Hollow as a part of who he was, not that Jess would ever admit that out loud. But this time away, even if it was just two weeks, showed him that Stars Hollow was his home. At least on some level. Because, really when he thought about it, it was. It was a part of who Rory was. And who Luke was. And even who his mom was. It was his history and his future.

So, yes, he was capable of loving someone, and some place. But, that wasn't the right question to ask.

The question was: was Jess worthy of being loved just as fiercely in return?

Jess eyed the clock on the wall. It was a cliche black record with roman numbers painted in white on the edges and just an hour and minute hand keeping time from the centre.

1:35pm.

They were cutting it close. Jess didn't know exactly how much time he had left with her, or what time Rory had to return to Hartford for her mom's graduation ceremony, but Jess assumed Rory would have to be back before school's end to avoid getting into trouble. That didn't leave them much longer together.

Yes, Jess knew their time in New York would be fleeting, but still, the sands of time were slipping through his fingers, and Jess clinched his fists with the sheer hope that he could slow the passing seconds.

Just a little bit longer. That's all he wanted. One more hour. One more minute. Anything. Anything she was willing to give.

"Look!" Rory nearly screamed out with glee, drawing his attention.

"Go-Go's" Jess took the record from her, looking it over, and then handed it back, "You must have that one."

Rory looked up at him as he eyed the stupid Go-Gos record in her grasp. She held it as if it were the most precious thing in the world and Jess realized that fuck, she was this ethereal creature that descended into his life from the realm of the gods. She was out of this world and it took his breath away. There, in that dingy record store stood his guiding light.

"No, for my mom."

Of course. Instantly, Jess was taken back to their reality, being doused with it like water on a flame, like being thrown off a bridge into the creek below. There it was. One of the many reasons Rory shouldn't love him in return: Lorelei Gilmore, her mother.

God, he resented that woman. He resented that Lorelei felt the urge to protect Rory from him. Felt the urge to meddle in his life.

No, maybe it was more than that, because Jess knew Rory should be protected from him in some way. No, it was because Lorelei held up the mirror to his true self, to show him all the ways he was rotten.

"This was her favourite group when she was my age, and it's signed by Belinda," Rory said. "This would be the perfect graduation present. I've been looking for something all week long and I couldn't find anything."

"And now you have Belinda."

"And now I have Belinda." Rory was beaming. And Jess suddenly didn't care if this record was for her mom, who hated him, it made Rory happy. Her mom was a large part of who she was, so that had to mean Jess on some level had to be grateful to Lorelei.

And maybe, if Jess was being honest and self reflective, he was a bit harder on Lorelei than he needed to be. Because she represented what he never had: a mom who cared.

So, Jess urged Rory to buy it. Tell her it was from the both of them if she wanted. Jess smiled, giving her a little nudge, "Go on, get it. She'll like it."

"Thank you so much for bringing me here. This was fate." Rory said softly.

"Yes, it was."

"And in return, I just might show you my withering stare." Rory's grin was worth everything, and even though the looming question of why she visited him so spontaneously pulsed in his mind, he wouldn't dare ask. Not yet. Not while she smiled up at him like that.

"I'm a lucky man." If Jess spoke again it might've shattered the glass of this perfection. Sending shards of the delicate vase of time into a mess littered in his heart. He dared not say more.

As they left the store and started their way back to the Port Authority Bus Terminal, Jess knew that this was probably the luckiest he would ever be in his entire life.