Jess

Port Authority Bus Station was crowded.

Not surprising for 2:36pm on a Wednesday but also not ideal. Jess would have preferred it be a little less packed as he and Rory walked over to the rental lockers.

This was it, Jess thought. He wished he could keep this moment suspended in time, that he could pause this goodbye and hold onto the memory of their time together forever. But Rory was leaving. And all Jess could do was stand there, awkwardly holding the record Rory bought in silence as the passing seconds tore him apart.

The plastic handles of the neon-green, nylon bag made his palms sweat. Whether it was the cheap material or the weight of his own anxiety, Jess was unsure, but either way, all he knew was that he hated this.

Goodbyes were never his thing, and this one was no exception. And, if he were being honest, which he always was, he was pretty good at avoiding them. Jess would have avoided this one too, but this time, couldn't bring himself to do so.

He didn't want to do so. Because this goodbye was different. This goodbye was to Rory.

Truth was Rory wasn't his to keep. Not really. It didn't matter how much Rory completed Jess. It didn't matter how perfectly the pieces fit. She wasn't his. She was almost his. And that was that.

And, Rory, not-his-but-also-his Rory, had to go back.

The reality was that tomorrow when he woke on the ragged mattress in his mother's apartment, maybe the memories of today would be enough, but right now, Jess was wrecked. Absolutely fucking wrecked.

Shattered more like, he thought. Jess felt as though he was being torn apart, every nerve ending in his body frayed and raw. The weight of tomorrow was already crushing Jess as he stared at Rory, who was intently focused on unlocking the rental locker. It didn't open and Rory sniffled. She tried again.

Instantly, Jess's attention was so completely on Rory, that the bustle of the busy bus station was drowned into an empty silence. The noise and action of the commuters around them all faded into nothingness.

Nothingness except for Rory.

Not-his-but-also-his Rory.

As Jess watched her, he noticed the change. The light that usually danced in her eyes had dimmed, leaving behind a bleak aura. Rory's movements were slower than they were earlier in the day. Her fingers trembled as she opened the little metal door. She avoided his gaze, a sadness in her downcast eyes. Her demeanour was more slumped. Defeated.

Sadness rolled off Rory in waves and it was the same sadness that plagued him. Jess saw it mirrored there before him. The melancholy that tore the soul apart.

With his free hand, Jess reached over and tucked Rory's hair behind her ear as she pulled the yellow backpack out of the locker. Her shoulders were hunched slightly and Jess knew that Rory was feeling the weight of this parting as well.

She glanced up at him giving him a sheepish, tight lipped nod, and Jess could see her eyes were red-rimmed and glassy. The tears were threatening to break. And, it made his hard shell soften. With a gentle touch, Jess took the backpack from her hand and slung it over his shoulder, offering her a comforting nudge as they made their way to the ticket booth.

"Thanks," Rory mumbled before clearing her throat.

This was their last goodbye. And it clearly gutted them both in equal measure.

Rory and he came together as quick as a summer storm, rocking their lives with hurricane force winds and tearing up what they knew. Re-making the world. Re-making everything. And just as quick, they had to part. Floating into the nothingness of the sky. Dissipating like morning mist in the first rays of the early sun.

But, Jess wasn't ready for the storm to pass just yet.

He remembered when he first met her. How his heart stopped beating, how his lungs forgot to breathe, how that kindling of apathy burst into a raging forest fire of passion when Rory turned to him in greeting for the first time.

The world split in two with three words: "Hi, I'm Rory."

The metallic taste of electricity still lingered on his tongue. The static still stung his skin and sent a sprinkling through his flesh and into his soul. It was like being struck by a bolt from the heavens that charred Jess with a euphoric awakening.

Yeah, Jess was a goner the second he met her.

So, call him crazy, but Jess wanted to touch lightning again. Fuck, he wanted to reach out and hold onto it for as long as he could. Cling to the wild, electrifying energy that was Rory and him together.

And, it wasn't fair that she had to leave now. Leave before they could even start.

You could always go back, something whispered in his mind.

Yeah, he could. Jess could run back to Stars Hollow. He could call his uncle Luke. He could beg to return. He could live each day watching and waiting for her. Where Rory lead, Jess would follow and all that. And he wanted to.

But, Jess needed to know that him coming back was what Rory wanted. He wouldn't be selfish. Not this time.

Patiently, Jess watched her from just one step behind as Rory ordered her ticket back home (on the express bus, not the local as Jess pointed out). She brought up her sleeve to wipe away the tears.

Fuck, he thought.

Questions swirled in his mind like a tornado, but he couldn't bring himself to voice them. He didn't want to add any more pain to the already raw wound that was tearing both of them apart. And, there were so many questions. But it didn't matter. No, no, it didn't, because Jess refused to ask them. Instead, he stepped beside the open door of the express coach and leaned his back against the metal frame.

"I think this one's mine," Rory said softly, breaking the silence and confirming the inevitable.

"Yup, the sign says Boonesville."

Stars fucking Hollow, Jess thought, gripping her backpack strap a little bit tighter as he slightly rocked against the door.

From the second he had stepped out of his uncle Luke's truck and onto the sickeningly, sterile sidewalk in front of the family dinner, Jess wanted to run back to the busy, grimy streets of Manhattan. Now, here he was. Back in New York City. Back where the world was supposed to make sense. Where the dirty streets were paved with possibility and the unconventional.

And, he was miserable.

New York wasn't enough anymore. And, when Rory let out a soft laugh before looking down at her feet, Jess knew he would be hollow tomorrow.

But, the fact that Rory was still swathed in his denim jacket brought a smile to his face. She hadn't moved to take it off yet, and the sight of her in it, the denim engulfing her body and meeting half way down her plaid skirt, made Jess smile.

It was a perfect picture, the good girl and the bad boy, like something straight out of a movie.

Like Grease or Devil Without A Cause.

It just fit. It was hers now.

Jess was just about to tell her to keep it when a man approached them. He was clearly a tourist, but the fact that he focused on Rory by tapping her shoulder, made Jess's smile turn into a scowl.

"Excuse me, I'm so sorry to bother you. Which way is 44th?" The man's question was harmless enough, but the way he was ogling Rory, made Jess's scowl deepen. With Rory looking like that, all wide blue-eyed and flushed cheeks, Jess knew this guy wasn't the least bit sorry for bothering them.

So, when the stranger glanced at Jess looking a little intimidated at the daggers Jess was sending his way, Jess thought: Good. Be afraid of the big bad New Yorker.

This guy should be nervous. This was Jess's city. And this was his not-his-but-also-his Rory.

"Oh, um," Rory stumbled for a moment before picking a direction and pointing, "that way."

Jess bit back a chuckled, hiding his snort behind his fist, as the tourist followed her blindly. Completely oblivious to the fact that he was being led astray and leaving them be without a second glance.

Rory beamed with pride after the man had gone, "I got asked directions! He took me for a native. That's so cool."

"That's very impressive," Jess smiled, but hooked his thumb back behind him, pointing in the opposite direction to where the tourist went, "44th's the other way."

"Oh, man, I should go find him." The excitement on Rory's face faded as she worried about the direction the tourist had gone.

"He'll figure it out when he sees all the numbers getting smaller instead of bigger," Jess gave her a reassuring nudge.

And Rory basked in the glow of being mistaken as a true city dweller, "He still thought I was a native," her voice filled with pride, making Jess stifle a laugh at the thought.

Shit, maybe she did belong here. Like a missing piece of a puzzle. Or, maybe Jess just belonged anywhere Rory was. Still, this bright eyed Bambi found him. Rory made her way through the dingy streets of New York for him. That was a quandary that would add to his torment later. But now. He couldn't focus on that.

"I'm your witness."

"Well, I should go," Her words, soft and whisper-like, carried an unspoken weight that threatened to pull her under. But, she hesitated, not making a move to leave. Jess knew what she needed to do, but he could see in her eyes that she was struggling to make that first step. Just like he was.

"Okay," Jess said. He watched as she started to slip the denim jacket from her shoulders, and quickly interjected, "nah, keep it." She froze. The look in her eyes was a mixture of fear, sadness, anxiety, and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on. But as she pulled the jacket tighter around her again, a soft blush colouring her cheeks, Jess was grateful for whatever that something else was.

Rory mustered a weak smile and said, "I gotta go to my mom's graduation." The waver in her voice was there. Jess didn't want Rory to go either, but he also knew there was no point in delaying the inevitable any longer.

So, he handed her the record and her backpack and gave her a quick nudge, he said, "And give her Belinda."

"And give her Belinda," she echoed. Jess watched as Rory took a deep breath and steeled herself, ready to leave.

"Go on," he said, pushing himself off the door and stuffing his hands in his jean pockets, "I'll check on the guy, and make sure he's not wandering around looking for 44th."

"Okay."

And, Jess watched her walk on the bus with a heavy heart.

Fuck, this was really happening and all he could do was stand there like an idiot, watching the girl of his dreams leave? Who was he kidding. He was no James Dean, no smooth operator, no cool and collected rebel. Not really. He was a kid that got dealt a shit hand. He was sarcastic, and jaded, and more quiet than he needed to be, but, in moments like this he realized how shit he was at the 'don't-let-it-bother-you' shtick.

No matter how convincing he was, Jess was just a brooding, teenaged, well-read idiot.

What the fuck was he doing? He practically pushed her onto the bus. He was a complete, utter moron.

She was gone. Or going to be gone.

Jess watched as Rory handed the ticket to the driver before getting a transfer receipt for the Hartford Metro. He watched as she stood at the top of the stairs. He watched as Rory nodded when the driver told her about a possible delay.

Jess was even more broken that he was before.

But the funny thing about the unexpected was how it snuck up on you before knocking you out on your ass. And fuck, Rory was that perfectly aimed punch that laid Jess out cold.

He would remember every second of it.

The way Rory spun on her heels and bounded down the bus steps, hurtling towards him with an unstoppable force. Jess barely had time to react, but he did, his arms quickly wrapping around her waist to steady her as hers encircled his neck in a fierce, desperate embrace.

Jess was completely taken back. Stunned in earth shattering happiness. One second Rory was showing up in his city only to leave again, and the next she held him so tightly it was as if life itself depended on it.

All thoughts, all logic, all coherent thought fled from him.

He felt the softness of her hands as they fisted his shirt collar. The weight of her cast on his chest as leaned into him. And then pure bliss. Pure fucking bliss as her lips met his.

Immediately he caved. Of course he caved. No questions asked. No questions mattered. Nothing mattered. His hands moved to cup her cheeks, pulling her closer as he savoured every inch of her, every sensation.

The electricity between them crackled and surged, sending shockwaves through both of them. It was an earthquake. It was an eruption. It was lava, and scorching, but a salve nonetheless. A balm to where the flames of her touch burned him.

Together they were a volcano ready to melt the earth anew for them, ready to forge a new world that suited them both. Urban and quiet. Chaotic and calm. Jaded and innocent. Darkness and light.

The softness of her lips, the heat of her breath, the quiet sigh that escaped her. It was safety and peace, chaos and fire, all at once. And when she pulled away, breaking the kiss and pressing her forehead against his, it took every ounce of willpower Jess had not to whisk her away from that station and keep her in Manhattan, where they could create a new world together.

"Can't do that to a guy," Jess couldn't help but smile against Rory's lips as he gave her one more fleeting kiss. Berlin's classic Take My Breath Away started playing in his mind. Shit, he felt like he ran a marathon. "You can't just kiss and run."

And yeah, maybe he was a hypocrite for saying that because he had done that to many a girl before, but Rory was different. Rory was perfection wrapped in a plaid skirt and like nothing he ever knew before. Happiness and heartache all rolled into one.

There was no way Jess was letting her slip through his fingers.

Fuck, he wanted to taste her again. Peppermint and coffee and honey, just like he pictured, but also something else. Something uniquely Rory. Just Rory.

His Rory.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and once again she was frozen. Rory made no move to pull away from him, and Jess knew she wasn't entirely sorry.

But, he also knew she will feel guilty later. About missing her mom's graduation. About Dean.

The wetness on her cheeks surprised him though. So, he pulled back a bit, stooping down slightly to see her more clearly and wipe away the tears with his thumbs.

"Shh, hey," Jess pulled her gaze to him, "it's okay. It's not goodbye, okay?"

A whimper escaped her lips but Rory nodded with a teary smile. So, Jess pressed a kiss to her forehead trying to pour all of him into it. Trying to show her that he meant this promise.

And he really meant it. He just needed to get his shit in order, but it was going to be okay. Jess was going to run right back to her. Right back to bumfuck nowhere Stars Hollow.

Anything Rory wanted, Jess was going to give her. The life and all the dreams that went along with it. Everything she deserves. Whatever that adventure may be. Whatever she wanted him to be in it. That was what he would become.

Closing his eyes, Jess breathed her in one last time before stepping back and shoving his hands in his pockets once more. And Rory stepped back onto the bus once again, still wrapped in his jacket.

Fuck, it's hers now. Just like everything else of his including himself.

Property of Rory might as well have been tattooed on his forehead, because Jess had fallen head over heels in love with Rory Gilmore.

Rory

Rory let out a shaky breath. She was caught in a whirlwind of emotions as she made her way down the aisle of the bus. She had never felt so alive, yet so scared, all at the same time. Her heart felt like it was pounding a million miles a minute and her fingers trembled as she gripped the strap of her bag tighter.

She just kissed Jess. God, she just kissed Jess.

And it was good. It was so good.

It was passionate and wild and impulsive and so much more than Rory ever thought a kiss could be. It caused the ground beneath her to drop out and, if she wasn't gripping onto Jess so tightly, Rory was sure she would have slipped through the cracks of the earth.

The kiss was a shockwave that rippled through her entire being, leaving her feeling raw and exposed. It was like she had been struck by lightning, a surge of electricity pulsing through her veins. She had never experienced anything like it before, and it left her feeling dizzy and disorientated.

Jess's touch was explosive. The way his fingers held her face, his thumb brushing across on her cheek. The way his lips moved against hers. The way he took the very breath from her lungs. Rory had never felt so safe and so wanted all at the same time. It was as if Jess had somehow managed to reach into the depths of her soul and pluck out the very essence of who she was.

Rory had melted into it and into Jess. Like she was floating on a cloud, suspended in a moment that seemed to last forever. Her lips were still tingling from it. His touch branded her and Rory knew she couldn't kiss anyone else. Ever again.

Which would probably prove problematic considering she was dating Dean.

Oh my god, Dean. How could she do this to Dean?

Rory knew she had messed up, and boy did she. But, at the same time, how could she not? Jess ignited a spark within her, a spark she never knew was there. He opened her eyes to a world of possibilities, a world where adventure and happiness awaited. In his eyes, she saw the promise of a future filled with books, coffee, and the unknown. A future where she would be beside him.

Kissing him felt like she finally knew what being complete was. Like she found her person.

And, even if Dean was the picture-perfect beau, it was like Jess created a new photo of her future. Harvard or some other Ivy League school. Books and coffee. Adventure and the unknown. Happiness. And Jess. Jess was there.

But, was Dean? Was he really able to fit into it?

No, she thought. Tall as he was, Dean couldn't fit into Rory's life anymore. And, as Rory made her way to her seat, numbly putting her bags down on the chair, all Rory could think of was how she had to leave Jess behind and go home. And not how much she betrayed Dean.

Rory was alone now. Separated from the other half of the picture. It was like something was missing. The heat of him maybe.

And, oh how Rory wished she could stay.

That they could go back to the park. That she could nestle in the crook of his arm and just sit and enjoy the minutes of silence as they read. She wanted to be wrapped in his warmth as they sat under the canopy old nature. Relishing in his presence, his smell, just him.

Why did she have to go again?

Outside the bus, Jess walked down the length of the coach and came to a stop just outside her window. His shirt was a little crumpled in the front from where her fingers had gripped the fabric, a testament to the wild passion of their kiss. His lips, slightly red and plump, were set in a pensive frown as his teeth scraped his bottom lip.

Rory moved into her seat and popped open the window frame. Her tears started to flow, unable to be contained, and there in his eyes Rory saw her own sadness reflected. Though his were a little less teary.

They said nothing. Just held each other's gaze with a mutual longing. And it scared her to have to say goodbye to him. She couldn't say goodbye to him.

Rory felt guilt for so much hurt she may cause back home, but that guilt was a dull thud. The burning, scorching, heart wrenching pain she felt was that she regretted not kissing Jess sooner. Back in Stars Hollow when they could have had the world.

But now, she was here on a stupid bus. Terrified that this was the last time she would ever see him, let alone kiss him.

Jess was a wildfire in her life, one that set blaze to everything. She read once that true love was friendship set on fire. Well, if this was love, then it wasn't just set on fire, it was the flame of eternity. It was the fire of the gods, burning ever bright and creating life. And all Rory wanted to do was be engulfed in the flames, to be lost in the passion and heat it.

"Come with me," her whisper cut through the air, a sweet symphony that pierced the cacophony of the bus engines. It came out of her without control. Bubbling up her throat and tumbling out her mouth through the open window. It was a plea that escaped her lips before she could even think, a desperate yearning that found its way out of her soul.

And Jess heard it. He felt it.

Jess's gaze dropped, his chin lowering in a moment of contemplation. He inhaled deeply, a shiver rippling through him as if he was about to jump into a pool of uncertainty. Rory's heart clenched as she feared he would deny her, that he would say no and this would truly be the end. That this really was goodbye.

But then, his chin lifted, his eyes met hers and a smirk played on his lips, a glimmer of hope shining in his eyes. They were the eyes of a man who had made a decision, who had found his purpose, who had chosen her.

Focused. Determined. Deliberate. Just like when he was reading Wolfe.

"Okay," he said before climbing the stairs to the bus, paying the driver, and dropping into the seat beside her.

Was it really that easy? She thought. Did Jess truly follow her without hesitation, without objection?

The heat of his shoulder brushed against hers and Jess tucked the written slip ticket in his pocket before stilling next to her.

It was like a calm suddenly came over her. The way he without question, without protest, followed her into this journey. And even though Rory didn't know if Jess would go back to the city after, or if he would come back to Stars Hollow for good, Rory felt comforted in knowing that he would come back even for a short period.

That's all Rory had: hope.

That Jess would stay in some way. Or, Rory hoped he would stay in some way. Not that she wanted to rip him from this place either, because clearly, he commanded New York, but maybe they could come back together. To New York. To Stars Hollow. To somewhere just for them. Maybe Philly? Or LA? Or Boston?

And as Jess stretched his arm over the seat, much like he had on the empty park bench when she found him, Rory nestled into the crook of his arm with a burning hope that Jess Mariano would never be gone from her life.

Jess pulled out his book and turned back to the first page, though he was clearly more than half way when she saw him reading it earlier. He placed the novel in his lap, angled towards her, and Rory knew it was an invitation to read with him.

So, she did.

Easily they sat there, just flipping the pages of the book. The words on the page seemed to envelop them in a cocoon of comfort. It was as if they were transported to another world, and Rory couldn't help but think that this was how an addiction started. She knew she would never tire of this feeling.

This is how an addiction starts, Rory thought.

The skies outside were darkening as the bus finally began to move. The driver said there was a small delay, but it was much later than Rory expected. It meant that she would miss her mom's graduation. And Rory tensed with anxiety.

Jess felt it. Or at least, Rory was convinced he felt it because his fingers softly tracing patterns on her forearm, offering her solace in his touch. Rory pressed closer to him, and as her head fell on his shoulder, Rory felt him place a kiss to the top of her head.

"Might as well close your eyes" he whispered, and she shook her head.

"Not tired," Rory lied, but her yawn betrayed her. Jess chuckled.

Okay, fine, maybe he was right.

"Come on, try to rest a bit, Rory," His arm tightened around her, "I'll wake you up when we get there."

The fatigue was getting to her, but Rory was wide awake at the same time. It was like a 3:00 am caffeine buzz, but it wasn't from caffeine. Her head was swirling with a tornado of emotions. But, with Jess's head resting on top of hers, she felt anchored, as if he was her lighthouse in a stormy sea, guiding her to a safe harbour.

He was her partner in crime. He was her counterpart. Jess was… just hers and hers alone.

And, Rory knew that no matter what waited for her back at Stars Hollow, she was his.

That was all that needed to be said.