Rory

Rory was exhausted. Emotionally and physically exhausted. The day had already been absolute madness what with visiting New York and fighting with her mom. But then Rory decided to add a break up into the equation.

Yeah, it was definitely too much to deal with in one day.

Looking back, Rory probably should have waited until tomorrow to speak with her now ex-boyfriend. Maybe it would have given her some time to better articulate the words. To find a better way, a more gentle way, to say 'it's over because I'm in love with someone else.'

But Rory didn't want to wait. No, Rory wanted to rip the bandaid off, and talk to Dean. To tell him the truth. She had been dishonest for long enough. And Rory couldn't let Dean spend another day thinking that everything between them was okay. Because it wasn't.

Plus, wasn't it always better to be hurt by the truth than believe a lie. That's what Rory thought anyway.

Well, maybe Dean didn't see it like that, because let's just say, it didn't go well. He was very upset.

So, by the time Rory climbed the front steps, stepped on her porch, and walked through her front door, she was done. Just like their relationship.

What's it matter now anyway, Rory thought, not bothering to change into her pyjamas before flopping down on the bed. She let out a deep breath.

The day had just been so bipolar. It was both the greatest day of her life, and one of the most stressful. She felt so relieved and elated and happy, but at the same time so tired and hurt and sad. Her wrist was throbbing under the cast, almost as much as it did when she first broke it. Her head was pounding, a consistent thug behind her eyes from crying too much. She felt dehydrated, her lips cracking from lack of water and too many tears, and finally, remembering how terribly Dean took their break up, Rory succumbed to the emotions of it all.

The tears were prickling her eyes once again and, despite the break up with Dean being so fresh, as Rory hugged her pillow to her chest all she could think about was how much she missed Jess.

"Rory?" Lorelai called out just getting home herself. She was probably returning from the diner, or so Rory suspected, as Lorelai had mentioned earlier wanting to apologize to Luke for how she handled Jess's involvement in the car accident. Maybe, they talked? Rory hoped so anyway, but the energy to ask and deal that conversation was just gone. So, instead Rory stayed on her bed even when her mom continued: "Honey, you home?"

"Yeah," Rory mustered up a one-word yell in response. She didn't want to face the embarrassment. Rory wouldn't wallow on this break up; no, one wallow was enough with Dean. Not to mention, Rory was the one who broke up with him, not the other way around. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she maybe should have expected Dean to react that way.

After all, Rory was the dumper, and Dean was the dumpee.

Lorelai pushed open the bedroom door, and Rory rolled on her side to turn away from the light floating in from the kitchen. Bringing her pillow up to clutch it tighter, Rory cradled her aching wrist. She really didn't want to talk right now.

"Rory," her mom sighed, "Break ups are hard. But if you regret this—"

"I don't regret it," the words cut through harshly, effectively ending the conversation so abruptly that the only thing Lorelai could do was nod in response. Rory could see the motion of it in the long shadow her mother cast from the doorway.

If there was one thing that Rory was certain about it was that she did not regret ending it with Dean. No, she didn't. Not in the slightest, because even if Rory should have expected Dean's bad reaction, the reality was that she didn't expect one that intense. Dean had been so visibly angry and just down right mean.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lorelai asked though she hadn't made a move to come into the room. Rory let out a silent cry, bringing her unbound hand to wipe her face so that she could reign herself in and keep her mother from coming to comfort her.

"He was just a bit harsh," Rory whispered when she could be sure her voice wouldn't waver. That wasn't a lie. It just wasn't the full weight of how harsh Dean actually was. It was still an accurate enough summary, but clearly one that was too short for Lorelai's liking.

"I'm sure he must have been upset."

"Could I just be alone for a while?" Rory really, really, didn't want to talk about this anymore. Dean had become someone completely different in a flash of a second. He transformed into some scary monster that was no longer her Dean. He was an angry, hurt man, who was very obviously lashing out, but it didn't excuse it either.

And if she were being honest, Rory was a little nervous about running into him around Stars Hollow. Dean really frightened her that evening.

So, the last thing she needed was to hear was Lorelai's hopefulness that Jess would not be around after all. Because, even if her mother didn't like him very much, Jess was the only one that made Rory feel safe. Really and truly safe.

"Um, oh, yeah. Sure sweets. It's late, so I guess I'll just go up to bed." Lorelai stuttered out before saying firmly, "but, if you need me, for anything at all, to cry or talk or just someone to sit with who also thinks that boys are stupid and ugly and dumb, you get your butt upstairs and wake me up."

"Okay, thanks mom," Rory said softly and let out a relieved sigh when Lorelai finally shut the door.

As much as Rory wanted her mom right now, she didn't at the same time. She didn't want to tell her all that happened tonight. She didn't want to go through every detail of it and hear how stupid and mean and heartless Dean was. Because, Rory was the one who broke Dean's heart. So, he had every right to be harsh and mad and spiteful and whatever else.

Her mom would just go all 'mama-bear' protective. That's not what Rory wanted. No, she wanted to forget about Dean right now. She just wanted to have silence. Or peace.

Rory wanted… well, she wanted Jess.

She wanted Jess's comfort. His voice. His ability to just slow everything down and make her feel like the world wasn't rushing around in a coffee-induced frenzy. God, Rory wanted Jess to just hold her in the stillness of the dark. She wanted to hear the beating of his heart, to listen to him breathe, to slow down the thoughts racing through her mind.

Rory sat up and slid to the end of the bed, bringing the pillow up with her so she could hug it while her feet dangled off the edge. It was quiet in the house. Her mom's rustling upstairs had stopped sometime ago, and Rory assumed she was either asleep or at least in bed.

The room was dark, the clock on the nightstand was the only light in the room. Its green glow cast shadows throughout the room. 12:03 am. And Rory still couldn't settle. She was restless, her mind swimming through the haze of it all.

The haze of missing him. Of not knowing when she would see him again. His words echoing in her memory every second: "I'll see you. I promise"

So, sleep? No, sleep was the one thing out of the question.

There was no way Rory would be able to fall asleep, and if she wasn't going to, then she might as well do something productive, right? Like read one of her many books that sat in the shelves. Or start on some of school work she had missed today. But, when Rory's eyes settled on Jess's jacket draped over the back of her computer chair, she knew productive probably wasn't going to happen either.

Standing, Rory pulled the denim over her shoulders, wrapping in it once more. She had left it at home when she went to speak to Dean, not wanting to make him even more upset about something silly like wearing a new coat. But, now she had it back, and it felt like a security blanket.

I wish he was here, Rory thought again for what must have been the two-hundredth time since they said goodbye.

And it felt a brick in her heart. Jess was just too far away.

But still, his touch burned her skin. The feeling of his kiss on her lips, his hands on her face, his arm wrapped around her. It had ignited her. It let her live instead of smothering her and suffocating her dreams, like she was used to. For once in her life, Rory was allowed to just be whatever she wanted to be.

And what Rory wanted to be was with Jess. God, what she wouldn't give for just one gentle, chaste touch from him now.

As she leaned back against the headboard of her bed, Rory shoved her hands in the pockets of the jacket. But they weren't empty. Inside she found a folded up paper, and hoping to find something that may connect her to Jess just a little bit more, Rory delicately opened it.

It was a torn page from a book, the title page. And there, under the boldly printed glyphs that spelled Electric Kool-aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfee, was familiar spiking handwriting:

646 203 2299, call me when you get home.

Rory's breath caught in her throat. She imagined him sitting up in his bed, reading a book, waiting for her call. Resting against the wall of his room. She had never been to his house or in his room but she pictured it anyway. It was plastered with posters, and had stacks of books all around. And piles of clothes thrown this way and that. And chaos. Just like him.

Rory smiled.

And it wasn't even something to think about. It was just instinct. Rory's eyes widened for just a fraction of a second before she was moving to get the phone. The late hour didn't matter to her; she just needed to hear his voice. So, she took the phone from the cradle and tip-toed back to her room, gently shutting the door and settling on her bed once more.

With shaky hands, she held up the paper, reading the message over again before dialling the number.

One ring. Two rings. And click.

"Hello."

Jess

"I broke up with Dean."

The words came through the receiver in a rush. And Jess was instantly awake, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and sitting up.

"Rory?" His voice was rough and a little gravelly. Fuck, he must have drifted off.

He had got back to the city just after 10:00 pm, staying up to read while he waited for her call. Jess was still in his jeans, and his duffle bag laid open at the foot of the cot already half-packed for when Luke would arrive tomorrow morning.

"I'm sorry, I woke you," she said, "I'll let you get back to sle—"

"You got home okay?" Jess interrupted, trying to keep Rory on the phone and hoping she wouldn't hang up. Sleep was for the weak. And he didn't need it. No, what he needed was to talk to Rory. To make sure she was okay. That she didn't regret anything. That her mom or Dean didn't chew her out.

"Yeah," she mumbled and fell silent.

"Was your mom mad?" Getting up, Jess looked out the window of his room at the city below before pulling up the pane and stepping out onto the fire escape. The big lit up clock on the corporate skyscraper down the street shown bright in the night sky.

12:18 am.

Shit, must have been a long night in Stars Hollow. Holding the phone against his shoulder, Jess pulled out the pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and took out a smoke. Bringing the cigarette to his lips, he flicked his lighter and, with a spark, took a deep drag.

"I guess so. But she loved the record," Rory said, the call was crackling with a bit of static. So, Jess moved to lean against the wall next to the open window, hoping it would improve the signal, before taking another drag. He propped his foot up against the bricks and tilted his head back to look up at the sliver of clouds he could see between the buildings.

"Oh yeah?" The smoke cascaded out his mouth like a river, a chuckle escaping him before he added, "and you? You okay?"

"I broke up with Dean." Rory said again. Just as rushed as before, and Jess assumed it was because she thought he didn't hear her the first time. But he did. Yeah, he most certainly did. Jess was still grinning like an idiot at the thought, his smirk wrapping around the filter as he brought it back up to his lips.

Shit, Jess really needed to settle himself.

Because despite how happy he was that Dean was out the picture, Jess knew that Rory must have had a hard night. And he wanted to be sympathetic to that. He wanted to make sure his smile didn't seep into his voice. He wanted to show her that she mattered more.

"You said that," Jess said, and then she was silent. He thought for a second the line disconnected. That the signal had got all fucked again. But then he could hear her breathing and the sniffles that were coming from the other end of the line. "I'm guessing he didn't take it well?"

"Not so much, no," Rory's laugh was haunted and hollow. It sounded bitter. Jaded even. Dark. And it made the hair on the back of Jess's neck stand slightly. Something was wrong. Something beyond just an ordinary break up. Hurriedly, Jess put out the smoke on the iron railing, flakes of ash welling up around the sides of the butt end, mixing with flecks of rust and pain. He tossed it over the edge before climbing back in and shutting the window behind him.

"What hap––" Jess started to ask, but then she sobbed. Shit, she actually sobbed. Not just cried like earlier, but a deep, heart wrenching, fearful sob. One that mixed with the sirens and flashing lights that filtered in from outside and bounced off the dark walls of his room. A horrible sinking feeling nestled in his stomach.

"Rory?" He spoke just a little louder than he normally would, panic tinging the edges of his voice. Jess never let his anxiety get this bad, but he knew guys like Dean. He saw it all the time with his mom and her many boyfriends. They started out nice, supportive, great even. But then they turned. They always turned. They got jealous. And loud. And looming.

Dean had loomed over Jess many a time before, so Jess knew just how guys like Dean thought.

"No, it's just he was…" she whispered trailing off before clearing her throat, "cruel. His words were cruel, and he was just so hurt and-and—"

Another soft whimper came through the phone. The noise from the city almost drowned it out, but Jess heard it.

"And what, Rory?" He asked, trying to keep himself as calm as possible, but Rory really needed to tell him what was going on.

"He grabbed my cast."

Okay, what the fuck does that mean?

Grabbed her cast gently to see how she was healing or yanked her across the room with it? Immediately Jess stood, opening his drawers and yanking clothes out, shoving them into the duffle bag.

Jess wanted to ask her what that meant. Ask her what Dean was doing grabbing her cast, but Jess didn't have the chance. Her voice came through the line in between her cries: "He tried to get me to face him, and pulled me to stay, and spat some harsh words in my face. I've never seen him like that. It was ugly. It was just, I don't know. It was… I guess, it was–it was… nothing."

Nothing. Did she just say that it was nothing? His hands froze, mid packing.

"Shit, Rory," he said firmly, hoping she understood him, "that's not nothing."

Jess sank to the floor at the foot of his mattress, his knees hitting the hardwood with a thud. The bag was forgotten beside him; the clothes were thrown in half folded and not completely inside the canvas bag. But he didn't care. He would fix that later. Dean, on the other hand, oh he was a dead man. A fucking dead man. There was no way in hell that sounded like nothing.

"He was right," Rory said and Jess was about to tell her how absolutely wrong Dean was for laying a hand anywhere near her, but she kept going, "Everything he said. All those things about you and me. About how everyone could see it, how we wanted to be together. All those things about me lying to him, and messing with his head. He was right. Well, wasn't he?"

What exactly did this guy say to her? It was a jumbled mess of words and sobs that came out of the phone, and Jess was trying to dissect what Dean was supposed to be right about. And fuck, all he wanted to do was wrap her up in his arms, hold her as she cried, keep her safe. But the miles between them meant he couldn't do any of that.

So, Jess was quiet for a moment as he thought about it. Maybe too quiet, because Rory suddenly spit out: "fine, he was right about me, then."

"I wasn't there, Rory," Jess said softly, shifting his weight to lean back on his heels. He didn't want her to hang up, but he was also working with very little information here, so Jess figured just being honest was the best thing to do. "I don't think he was right about how he treated you," He paused and let out a sigh, "but if he said that I wanted to be with you, well, then yeah, he was right about that."

"Jess," she whispered.

"You know how I feel Rory, right?" He asked, suddenly feeling like maybe she actually didn't know. Shit, maybe this whole time Jess thought Rory could read him like one of his torn up paperbacks and really she couldn't make out the words. Taking the brunt off his knees, Jess moved to to sit, leaning his back against the edge of his mattress.

"Yes," Rory sounded firm so he nodded. Good.

"And, I know how you feel," he summed up. It didn't need to be anything more complicated than that. "It's that easy. It's there. It's…"

"Us?" Rory asked.

"Yeah," Jess said.

"I miss you, Dodger," And Jess smiled at the nickname.

"I always miss you," Jess swore he heard her sadness melt a little. So, he kept going. Needing to have a smile stretch across her lips. Needing to make the dimple appear at the corner of her mouth and her nose crinkle. Needing her eyes to brighten with a joy that bubbled up on her face. "I'm glad you called. Y'know, was worried about how it would all go."

"I know, I'm sorry I didn't call sooner." The soft laughter that came through the line made him wonder when Rory got his note. He had slipped it in the jacket pocket when she was sleeping on the bus. Did she just get it or did she find it earlier and had waited until after all that bullshit to call?

Didn't matter anyway. Jess was talking to her now. And his city and her small-town vanished in the airwaves as they spoke. He could picture her there in her room; leaning back against the headboard in her pyjamas, her knees brought up as she played with the fabric of her bedspread. Maybe, she was still wearing his denim jacket. Maybe, she wasn't wearing anything but his denim jacket.

Fuck, now that was a vision. And one Jess had to stop thinking about before he started running to Stars Hollow to show her exactly how much he wanted to be with her.

"I get it, you had shit to take care of," Jess said clearing his through and trying to shake the thoughts that entered his mind. But fuck, he had to stop himself from outwardly groaning at the fantasy. Rory just broke up with Dean. Rory just broke up with Dean.

Dean, who made her cry. Dean, who made her scared. Dean, who almost ripped her arm off.

Fuck, he was going to kill that beanstalk.

"Hey Rory," he said suddenly, maybe a bit more stern than he wanted to.

"Yeah?"

"I won't tell you what to do, ever, but can you, just, try to keep some distance from him?" Jess really tried not to tense up when he asked because this wasn't a demand. No, no it wasn't. It was a plea.

"Yeah, not to rub salt in the would," the breath that Rory let out blew against the receiver and Jess could hear it blur in the airwave.

"Not what I meant," Jess ran a hand through his hair, pulling the unruly mess away from his eyes. He just wanted her to be safe and he really didn't trust Dean after tonight.

"Okay," she said softly, "I will keep some distance. I promise."

"Thank you," And Jess felt some relief wash over him before he heard Rory yawn on the other end of the call. "Someone's tired."

"Maybe a little. It's been a long day."

"Yeah, but a good one I hope? Y'know aside from the shit parts."

"Definitely a good one."

"Good," Fuck, this call was long distance too and he knew her mom would lose it if they stayed up talking all night. Plus, she had to sleep. Even if he wouldn't. Lifting himself off the ground, he pulled out another smoke and climbed back out onto the fire escape as he lit it before saying: "So, I'll see you?"

And Jess smirked as he said it. Of course he did. But, Jess left out the fact that he was coming back tomorrow for now. He wanted to surprise her. Plus, as much as Jess trusted Luke, he wanted to make sure that his uncle actually showed up tomorrow. Y'know not get either one of their hopes up in case Luke let him down like everyone else did in his life.

"I'll see you," she whispered before saying, "Goodnight, Jess."

"Night, Rory." And with a click the line went dead. Hanging up the phone, Jess tossed it back into his room. It landed on his mattress with a flop. And he turned back to look out at the city.

This was the last night he would see it for a while. It was peaceful. Well as peaceful as New York could be. He could hear some guys fighting in the street below, maybe a few blocked up. He could hear the horns honking out in the distance. He could see the lights from the flashing billboards lighting up the clouds above the building across from him.

He could see the courier from Yan's running out a late night Chinese delivery. Fuck. That's what he will miss. Good food. At any time. Taking another drag, his thoughts drifted back to Rory. They always drifted back to Rory. Her soft breath, her warm touch, her quiet whimpers as she kissed him with zeal.

Yeah, fuck, late night food.

He was getting Rory and that was a way better deal. Perfect, sweet Rory. Who cared about him. Who wanted him. Who just broke up with that loser from Chicago for him.

Who just got manhandled by that same loser from Chicago, that Kevin Miller wannabe fucker.

"Shit," The curse floated out into the night sky as Jess brought the smoke back up to his lips. His hand shook a bit as took the nicotine into his lungs.

Nothing; Rory thought it was nothing? Christ, he'd seen his fair share of crappy stepdads to know what that could have led to. No, Jess wouldn't let that happen. There was no way in hell Jess was leaving Rory alone in that fucked up town with a piece of shit that was ready to rip her cast off and break her wrist a new.

Jess was terrified in a way that he hadn't felt in a long time. All the memories boiled at the surface. How his mother would come home with her face so bloody, the bruises purple and black and slightly yellow marring the skin. How his arm burned when his stepdad put out his butts on the flesh of his forearm, leaving blackened ash in the bloody burns that would later turn into white scars.

And then he imagined Rory, but this time not safe and in her room. Instead she was painted with the injuries from his past. Her face bruised like his mom's was three nights ago. Her arms and chest marred with scars and cuts. The faces kept swapping in his mind. Like those stupid holographic billboards in Times Square.

It made his blood run cold.

Taking a deep breath, he smoked the last of his cigarette, taking it so close to the filter he almost burned through that as well, before putting it out and tossing it. Okay, he had to calm down.

Dean is not at that level. Dean wasn't Liz's current boyfriend Daryl who loves his belts. Dean wasn't Sam, Liz's last boyfriend, that who liked to use whatever was in arm's reach to throw. And Dean certainly wasn't Howard, Liz's last husband before Sam, who threw a mean right hook.

No, Dean was just a kid. And it really could have just been a bad break up. But something just, it wasn't right. Hearing how Rory spoke, remembering what she said, it made Jess feel uneasy. It made his spidey-senses tingle or whatever.

Jess climbed back into his room, shutting the window once more to keep the night chill out. His room was empty except for the mattress, dresser, and nightstand. His clothes were neatly put away in the drawers. The single mattress was made with just a thin blanket and one pillow. It was like he didn't even really live here. Nothing that showed his personality was in this room except for the piles of books on the other side and the duffle bag at his feet.

No, this place. It wasn't like what his room looked like at Luke's. Posters, and clothes, and photos, and books, and Jess sprinkled throughout.

Picking up the bag, he started to straighten out the items thrown in. Folding the clothes neatly before adding the rest of his belongings.

"He was cruel." Rory had said. Thai's what was bothered the most. Cruelty.

Cruelty could easily turn to hate. Could easily turn to violence. Jess knew just how powerful cruelty was and how it could easily turn someone into a hateful, spiteful, violent man.

So, if there was one thing he knew for sure, Jess wasn't going to sleep until he saw Rory again.