Chapter 14: Love Advice from Hosea Matthews Pt. 2

(John's POV)

John lied when Javier invited him and [Y/N] for a swim. Of course, he didn't swim – he can't swim for god's sake, but [Y/N] didn't seem to know, so his instant reaction was to make up an excuse. It felt like it's the only thing he's been doing lately – lying to himself, making up some excuse, lying some more, and denying what he truly felt and thought.

When he saw Sean and Karen were still at the camp that day when the pair would've been gone with [Y/N] and Javier, a certain panic crept up in him. 'Why the hell are they still here?' a question burned in his mind much to his annoyance.

"Aren't you folks supposed to go swimming with Javier and [Y/N]?" John enquired casually as he sat across them.

"Us? Pshhnaw, we thought we'd give those two lovebirds some alone time." Karen giggled, waving her hand in the air, a bottle of whiskey in the other. She was drunk again, no surprise there.

"Yes, Johnny boy!" A drunk Sean seconded, "ah what a time to be in love, don't ya think?" he looked at Karen dreamily.

"Ain't it too early for you to be drinking?" he wittingly veered away from the topic, and the intoxicated pair just scoffed at John.

The thought of [Y/N] with Javier since he brought her swimming, consumed John. He'd catch a glimpse of [Y/N] back at camp, and his mind would spiral back to the image of her alone with Javier, in the water, their bodies wet and their clothes clinging to their skin – and what the hell was she even wearing? Her underwear or perhaps a bathing suit from one of the suitcases the gang had nicked from previous train and stagecoach robberies? Either way, it could only mean she exposed a little too much of her skin for Javier's eyes to enjoy and bask in, and this annoyed John so much. God, he hated the water.

He thought orchestrating a train robbery, a tip he got from Uncle and Mary-Beth, would distract him from it, but after robbing the train with Arthur, Sean, and Charles, and successfully fighting off the law pursuing them, he realised it only distracted him for a while. He'd be reminded of it again.

How could John stop thinking about her alone with Javier, when he could just see her around the camp? [Y/N] would go about her usual routine, which he was quite familiar with by now. She would usually wake up a little earlier than the others, most likely to relish some peace and quiet before the camp stirred from their sleep and wake up to another day. In these early hours, it would just be John and her awake, as it would also be around this time, he'd commence his guard duty. She'd prepare coffee for everyone and pour herself a cup before heading to her favourite spot by the tree – the spot where she kissed him first and where they had their last conversation, as John bitterly recalled.

She'd have a book with her sometimes, then dutifully go on about her chores. She'd drop by for a quick chat with Mary-Beth, Karen, and Tilly, sometimes with Uncle, and you'll see her laughing and smiling, and at this point, John is helpless that he couldn't do anything except revel in the sound of her laughter and admire that smile she wore. Then after all her chores are done, she had this habit of checking on others, especially when they seem like they're feeling a bit under the weather.

At one time, when Hosea was coughing badly, the others would ask if he's okay. Still, her, being the camp's de facto doctor, after all, would spend a few minutes with him, probably making a mental note of these things, then a few minutes later, she'd hand him some herbs or a tincture of some sort for his cough.

When everything appeared sorted out, she'd quietly disappear to somewhere, either in her favourite spot again, her tent, or out for a walk and fresh air, well, if Javier wasn't around hounding her like a dog anyway – that devil, he thought. Is Javier on to him now too or he's gotten so possessive of [Y/N] that he's resolved to devious ways to keep other men away from her? John hated the fact that he can't be as smooth and cool with her the way Javier was and the fact that he can just waltz in anytime he pleases and openly flirt with her, rousing waves of jealousy in John every time. He hated the fact that he can do all of these things with her without anything to worry about – without Abigail breathing down his neck, and without the rest of the camp's eyes on him, watching him and constantly reminding him of things he did and didn't do in the past. It was suffocating.

But with [Y/N], John thought she was a breath of fresh air. She only joined the gang for about a year but didn't bother too much nosing around his past and about this whole thing with Abigail and Jack. She most probably heard the others talk about him, because that's what they do – stick their nose in other people's business as if they have nothing else better to do, but with her, she didn't seem to mind at all.

[Y/N] was nice and kind-hearted, and John thought she was one of the few people he can be truly himself. It was like that with Abigail, but things are different now. Everything changed since she gave birth to Jack, and when John ran away for a year.

"Hey, John." he heard Hosea greet him one early morning. He was beckoning for John to sit with him at the table. He let out a sigh as he accepted his invitation, thinking it's going to be another one of Hosea's lectures on why he needs to start acting like a father to Jack.

"How are you, John?"

"I'm fine."

"And how did that train robbery go in Scarlet Meadows?" Hosea asked as he scribbled something on a piece of paper.

"It was a good haul, but ain't good enough. The law turned up so fast, and I have this nagging feeling it could've been a setup."

"Hmm, we don't know that for sure." Hosea rubbed his chin. "So, you're heading to Valentine to see if there's anything there?"

"Yep, that's the plan. I'm heading out in a bit." John confirmed, then asked.

"Good. See what you can find, and let's hope we can make enough money for us to get out of here finally."

"Don't you ever want to retire, Hosea?" John asked Hosea curiously.

"Well, I did. After Bessie and I got married, we ran off for a while, y'know, but then I found myself slowly drifting back to this life." Hosea answered, feeling nostalgic at John's question.

"The thing is, John," Hosea continued when John didn't respond, "the thing is we all gotta die. I know that. I of all people know that."

"Excuse me?"

"We all gotta die, but you got the chance to live, and not just to live but to live for love. Love is the thing, the only thing." Hosea went on as if trying to prove a point to John.

"I got no goddamn clue what you're on about, Hosea."

"You are not as dumb as you act, John Marston," Hosea said sternly.

"I don't understand." John was at lost for words.

"Be a man John. It would suit you."

"It ain't nobody's business, but mine." John defended, 'what the hell is Hosea going on about now? Does he know?'

Hosea rose to his feet, and John didn't know how to react when Hosea, suddenly called out to [Y/N] and gestured for her to come over. [Y/N] obeyed but her eyebrows furrowed as soon as she realised John was also there with Hosea.

"[Y/N], dear. Can you do an old man a favour and mail this letter for me, will you?"

"Ugh. Okay." [Y/N] hesitantly agreed.

"Perfect, I also have a list of things here for the camp, just a few small things." Hosea continued, handing her the piece of paper he was scribbling on earlier. "John here's heading out to Valentine, too, to go look for some work. Thought it'd be safer for you if you two can ride together."