Howdy! Here's chapter 1!

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"Zee! It's time for 'skool'!" Bee called up the stairs.

It had been 17 years since Bee took Zee and left Irk. They had spent those years hopping from planet to planet as Irken-conquered space expanded, which only increased exponentially as Impending Doom II progressed. Having eventually grown weary from planet-hopping and fearful of being found out by the Irken fleet, they decided it would be best to just go to a planet so far from the Irken Empire that it wouldn't possibly get conquered any time soon and there would be no reason for an Irken to find them.

And so, they ended up on Earth.

"I'll be down in a minute," Zee replied, barely loud enough to be heard.

Today, Zee was starting his first day of what the humans called 'skool', as children and adolescent humans were expected to attend it. Apparently, Zee was starting rather late, both in the sense that humans started around age 5 and the school year began in September here, which was apparently over 30 Earth-days ago. Technically, Zee could have started a bit earlier, seeing as they'd already been on the planet for seven months, but they'd needed to observe Earth and humanity a bit before trying to blend in. Usually, they spent far less time on such efforts because they knew they were going to leave again before long, but this time, they hoped they would be able to stay for a long time.

Regardless, it was a chilly mid-October day, and Zee was starting school.

True to his word, Zee descended the staircase approximately 56 seconds later, a backpack slung over one shoulder.

Zee had grown into a tall, young Irken over the years, just as Bee had predicted on that fateful day. He was already 6' 1'', and would likely grow another inch or two in the remaining years before becoming an adult. Which was, of course, rather serious. He was now taller than the Tallest, who had finished growing decades ago, and, while a smeet could not become a Tallest until they reached majority, Zee was technically now the Tallest Irken alive (to their knowledge). If they were on Irk, Zee would become the new Tallest the day he turned 20. Though, if they were still on Irk, they would have been killed by now, making it a moot point.

Beyond his height, Zee's face had gained a vaguely jaded blankness through the course of their adventures, and though his face shifted from it at times, the expression was his default. It gave the impression that he was bored or tired, but that was, in fact, rarely the case. Adding to that impression, Zee's antennae tended to droop low on his head so that their tips rested near his neck.

"Did you put everything in your backpack?" Bee asked.

"Yeah."

"Good. Come eat breakfast before you go, then," Bee directed.

Most of the food on Earth was, frankly, gross at best and horrifyingly inedible at worst, but luckily, humans apparently enjoyed snacks almost as much as Irkens did, and there were quite a few that they could eat without getting sick. It would be hard to live on a planet without having access to any edible food, after all. That particular morning, their breakfast consisted of chocolate chip cookies and something called 'orange' juice which, though it was orange, confused Bee because most other juices on Earth were named after the fruit they came from rather than their color. Bee had shrugged it off as just a strange Earth thing, though.

"Well, the bus is going to be here in a few minutes, so you should probably get going," said Bee.

"Yeah," Zee agreed as he stood from the kitchen table.

With a quick click of the device on his neck, Zee transformed into a convincing image of a human. For what was probably the thousandth time since they left Irk, Bee was reminded of how glad she was that she studied cloaking technology back in school. She gave Zee a once-over to make sure there weren't any problems with the disguise, and, finding nothing wrong, she gave Zee a pat on the shoulder and sent him on his way.

XXX

Dib sighed deeply as he pulled into the school parking lot, questioning why he ever bothered to become a high school teacher, of all things. Well, he did know why, but he still questioned it. He had hoped that, by becoming a teacher, he could maybe do something for kids that could improve their lives, even if it was only a little. He thought that, maybe, he could be the kind of adult that he had needed when he was younger. At the very least, he thought he could stop some kids from getting bullied in school like he did. Instead, he felt like, most days, he just got frustrated by classes full of rowdy teenagers who didn't want to pay attention and didn't want to complete their assignments. Dib was mildly horrified by the fact that he could almost understand why Ms. Bitters was the way she was after teaching for so many years.

Regardless, he was trying, and he was going to try again today. He may not be the greatest teacher ever, but, by Bigfoot, he was going to teach these kids some math.

With renewed determination, Dib undid his seatbelt and got out of the car, locking it with the press of his key fob.

Time to go to work.

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Zee read over the information on his schedule to figure out where exactly he was supposed to go. Apparently, he was supposed to change locations about every 50 minutes, though he was supposed to stay in his first location for only 10. Or, 60? 65? Now that he was looking at it, the first two segments of his day were listed as being in the same location, though they were split up into 'homeroom' and 'calculus.' He wasn't sure what homeroom was because he wasn't at home, but he knew that calculus was a math class. Homeroom lasted from 7:10 AM to 7:20 AM, and calculus went from 7:25 to 8:15. That left five minutes unaccounted for, which was apparently to account for travel time between classes, but in this case, he supposed that he would just stay put for those five minutes.

Looking around, Zee first figured out his current location and then began to make his way to the proper room, going in the direction in which the numbers increased.

XXX

As Dib settled in at his desk, he opened up his laptop to check his emails. Seeing that he had one from the principal, which was marked as 'important', he clicked it open. The message was brief, but it left Dib groaning silently to himself.

Apparently, he had a new student, who had been placed in both his homeroom and calculus class. And the principal, in his everlasting wisdom, had emailed him this only earlier this morning. For a student who was apparently showing up today.

"Seriously?" Dib hissed under his breath.

He did, at least, have an extra desk in the back of the room, and he always printed extras of any handouts, but a little prior notice would have been great.

Now annoyed yet again, Dib began prepping for class, double-checking that he had enough of today's worksheet to account for the extra student and making sure his lesson plan was okay. He wondered if he would have to give some of the old worksheets, too, for the sake of catching up. Actually, was this kid even going to be able to keep up with the coursework at all? He knew that transfer students were sometimes taking other classes that this school didn't offer and would just end up in whatever class. And others, despite having taken a class, had apparently not been taught much if anything. To get an idea of what he would have to do, Dib went to check the kid's records of his previous grades:

Zee Smith

GPA: N/A

Transcript: N/A

Hm. There wasn't anything there. With a shrug, Dib figured that they probably just hadn't input the information into the computer system yet.

"His name's Zee, though? Sounds like a nickname…," Dib muttered.

Oh, well. It was far from the strangest name he'd heard.

Before long, students started filing in from the hallways, and Dib kept an eye out for the new student. After about half the class had arrived, Dib spotted a new face.

He was tall, about a quarter of a foot taller than Dib himself, and he had dirty-blonde hair. His eyes were a light blue, and he was wearing a dark purple turtleneck.

"Ah, you're the new kid! Zee, yeah?" Dib called out. "I'm Mr. Membrane, and I'm going to be your calculus teacher."

Zee stopped next to his desk.

"Hello," he replied in a quiet voice.

"So, just before homeroom starts, I was wondering about your previous math classes," Dib explained. "Since it's not in the computer system yet, and I don't want you to fall behind."

"Hm."

"So, what class were you taking at your old school? And do you remember what your current grade was?" Dib asked.

"I was homeschooled."

"Oh! Uh. Well," Dib stumbled. "What were you being taught at home, then?"

"Math," Zee answered with a shrug.

"Um… Have you learned any calculus?"

"Hm."

Dib wasn't sure if Zee's answer was an affirmative or a negative.

"Okay. Well, if you don't understand or you need help, just ask," Dib told him. "I hold study help sessions during lunch and after school if anyone needs them."

"Hm."

"You can sit at that desk over there," Dib said, pointing at the desk in the back. "Uh, I'll give you a textbook and some worksheets once I gather them up."

"Okay."

And with that, Zee walked over to the indicated desk and sat down. Dib fiddled with some papers as he waited for the bell to ring and declare the beginning of homeroom. His first impression of Zee was that he did, in fact, seem like a homeschool kid. His demeanor just screamed 'socially-awkward', though not in the shy, fearful way he typically saw. He hoped that Zee's education had been decent enough, seeing as he didn't want to catch Zee up on a month and a half of coursework.

Eventually, the bell rang, and Dib introduced Zee to the class, who greeted everyone with a mere 'hi'. Then, he took attendance and waited through the school announcements.

XXX

As Zee walked in through the front door, he saw Bee coming out of the kitchen.

"Ah, Zee, you're home! How'd your first day go?"

"Fine."

"Great! So, I was just reading about Earth juices…"

XXX

And there's the first chapter. Zee has started school on Earth. I decided to make Dib a teacher in this AU. I feel like Dib would probably be a bit less obsessed with the paranormal as he grew older, even if it was just from realizing how pointless it was to try to convince others to believe him. And I know there was that episode showing his future, but none of that was real, so. Anyway, thanks for reading!