Chapter 15: The Angel and The Wolf
It's a setup, you concluded. Why did Hosea ever put you up to this, and why did you even agree to this in the first place, anyway? Now you're mounted up your horse and riding with the man you've been hopelessly in love.
You closed your eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Your palms were clammy as you held on to the reins. Good thing, the early morning ride to Valentine and the dewy petrichor in the air were pleasant enough to calm your nerves. 'You're going to be fine,' you reassured yourself.
"You've been taking good care of that horse. Got a name for it yet?" John's low, raspy voice broke the silence between you two. You realised you missed hearing that voice.
John was referring to the black Morgan you've been riding since Uncle saddled it up for you the day you went out to Flatneck Station.
"No, I haven't thought of a good name for him yet." You have thought of some, but just never gotten around to ever picking one.
"Is it long?" John asked you again.
"What?" you choked at the question.
"The list. Hosea's list." he clarified.
"Oh! No, not really. Just a couple of things to pick up at the goods store." Your voice trailed off as you looked the other way to enjoy the view.
'Very smooth, John. You bet she just wants to get this over with as soon as possible.' John sighed.
Making another attempt at resuming your conversation, he cleared his throat before he asked you, "so how was swimming… with Javier?"
"It was alright, but that was mean of him, what he did." You revealed to John, "I didn't know you couldn't swim until he told me that day. We were arguing about it."
John was silent. You didn't know what was going on his mind, was he embarrassed? 'Did you say something wrong? Did I offend him?' You asked yourself.
The pair of you slowed down your horses as you reached the post office in Valentine.
"Alright, this is my first stop." You said, hitching your horse. You didn't know the plan whether he'll wait for you or you're supposed to go on your separate ways from here. Hosea just threw you into this predicament, didn't he?
"I'll wait for you here." John stopped. He got off Old Boy and casually lit a cigarette.
When you were done at the post office, you exited the building and saw John idling in front. He took one last drag from his cigarette and then crushing the butt beneath his heel. He brushed his lap as he stood up. You mounted your horses again and headed in the direction of the general goods store. You still remembered the way from the last time you were here.
"Are you going to take care of that thing you're supposed to care of, or are you going to escort me the whole day?" You chuckled. In the inside, you were desperately attempting to ease the tension you were sensing between you two. It wasn't you minded John's company, but being alone with him, since the last time you two talked, was making you extremely self-conscious.
"I'll take care of it, okay. Just thought I'd keep you company for a while. Hosea's list is short anyway like you said." He smiled at you, showing no intention of leaving you alone just yet.
"Okay then, suit yourself. Won't be long." You got off your horse then disappeared to the shop. After a few minutes, you re-joined John, who was now sitting outside. While you were inside, he was deep in thought, going over the livestock yard, auction yard, and the herd of sheep you passed by earlier.
"Hey, I was going to look at something, will you come with me for a bit?" John asked as he rose to his feet. "Come on. It'll look suspicious if it was just me."
You agreed to help, he did wait for you here and earlier at the post office, after all, it's the least you could do for him. You stowed your shopping in your horse's saddlebag before following John. He crossed the muddy road and walked into the path between the bank and the hotel, and into the direction of the livestock yard you passed by earlier.
He stopped by next to the stables, where crates and haystacks were laid, and a chicken coop was nearby. In your direct view was a herd of sheep kept in the fences. John stood next to you, lighting another cigarette.
"What are we exactly looking at here, John?" You questioned him. He raised his hand and softly gestured for you to keep quiet, his eyes fixed on the sheep nearby. After a few minutes of waiting, of which you didn't understand the point of still, John carefully resumed on the topic of you and Javier again.
"So, are you and Javier a thing now?"
"What? No. We're just good friends." Surprised by the assumption he has taken regarding you and Javier.
"'Cos the way I see it, [Y/N], he's smitten by you," John prodded further, "He just can't take his eyes and hands off you." He sounded irritated when he described the attention Javier's been giving you lately.
"Whatever he feels about it me – uhm smitten or not," the word felt weird when you spoke it, "shouldn't be your business, now should it?"
John didn't say anything.
"There you go again, John. First Arthur, then Javier. Who's next then? Lenny? Bill? Mr Pearson?" feeling annoyed at this habit of his. You remembered how his seemingly innocent prodding in Colter about you and Arthur, which was, by the way, the most ridiculous thing you've heard since you joined the gang, ended up with you two not talking for days.
Before he could say or answer anything, you took a deep breath and continued, "and every time we talk lately it… we end up being weird with each other. I hate that because I like talking to you, and I missed talking to you, the way we used to, John."
"When you told me, you could tell me a lot of things about how you felt… about that kiss, what did you mean?" His eyes on yours, searching for some answers. John hadn't forgotten about the last thing you told him before you walked out on him that day.
"Are you sure you want to do this now?" you said, starting to feel embarrassed at the situation you've put yourself in.
"Well, I like talking to you too, we don't have the others nosing about our business, do we?" John shrugged his holders and looked around to prove his point.
"John – I like you, okay? I liked you for a while now. I thought you're kind and sweet, if you weren't robbing trains and shooting people, that is, and I could see how, how Abigail chose you over the others, and I was selfish, and the last time we talked, I shut you down, I didn't want to hear any of it, but I do understand, your… the situation's complicated with Abigail and Jack." You exhaled with relief, being able to say it out loud was cathartic, and for a moment there, you felt peace now that you've said what's been weighing on you for the longest time. It didn't matter how he'll take it now; you're prepared to hear the worst. You just wanted John back – you just wanted your friend back. It hurt more when the two of you are not talking to each other and even more when it seemed like you didn't exist at all to him.
Before you could collect your thoughts after you just poured your heart and soul to John Marston, he leaned on to you and closed the space between you, with his calloused fingers, he tilted your chin up, his eyes boring onto yours, seeing his scars up close again, the ones you stitched yourself back in Colter. Your face felt warm at his touch and his body so close to yours. Your heart beat frenziedly, and your breathing erratic, you closed your eyes anxiously anticipating what was about to happen next. He leaned in further, his lips on yours, giving you a soft tender kiss. It was quite different from the last time.
John pulled back gently, and you opened your eyes again, your eyes desperately searching for some answers in his.
"I didn't know you felt that about me." He confessed, not exactly what you were hoping to hear first after he just kissed you. John was about to say something else when Arthur Morgan walked in on you two, you instantly pulled back further, putting some slight distance between you and John, your face flushed with embarrassment "Did Arthur just see us?'
"Mixing pleasure with business now, are we Marston?" Arthur mocked him. He always enjoyed antagonizing John.
"We'll talk more later, okay?" John whispered to you, squeezing your hand with his and letting it go as Arthur joined you two. You were looking forward to it, but somehow a dreadful gut feeling was telling you that that won't be happening anytime soon.