A/N: Thanks for sticking with me! Here's another one. Let me know what you think :)

Chapter 11

Derek cut an even line into the forehead of his patient, exposing the bony layer underneath. His hands were steady, but his thoughts were not.

He was consumed by Addison and Mark.

Before today, he had believed what had happened between them was happenstance, like Addison had said from the very beginning. But now, things were different. Mark loved her. And he claimed that she loved him. Did she?

"Dr. Shepherd."

Derek turned his head to the sound of Meredith's voice. She was holding a 5-blade mid-air. Had he asked for that?

He took the blade without looking at her.

He had lost Addison once to Mark. Maybe he'd never gotten her back at all. He couldn't shake the look she'd had when Mark grabbed her. They shared something he'd never been a part of, and he had finally caught a glimpse of it.

Maybe Mark was right.

"Suction," He heard himself say to the room.

George O'Malley was quick to come to his aid.

That look on Addison's face – it made his stomach twist in knots at just the thought of it.

Mark was fighting for Addison, whether she had chosen to stay in New York or not. Derek had run. And then ran some more.

"Dr. Shepherd."

Derek looked up when Meredith acknowledged him again.

She held his eye for a moment. "Is everything okay?"

There it was: that piercing look that only she was capable of giving. He sometimes felt she could look right through him to his soul.

He nodded dismissively before chancing a look up at the observation deck. Addison hadn't returned.

"Y-Yeah, everything's fine."

He resumed cutting. Cutting was good for overthinking. It allowed one to focus on being so precise, that there was no room for any thoughts pertaining to the outside world.

But his mind was relentless today.

Was Addison talking to Mark now? Was she seeking the comfort that she couldn't find in her own husband, like so many times before?

All he could see was Addison being held by Mark, his Addison. He had failed her so many times. She had failed him once, but where was he then?

There were so many questions he didn't have the answer for.

xxx

Addison felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her.

Her hand rested on the doorknob to the observation deck, but fear kept her nailed to where she was standing.

The idea of seeing that man again made her nauseas, but so did the idea of Derek operating on him.

It all felt like a horrible dream. She was sure any moment now, she would wake up to the pleasant sounds of New Yorkers screaming and honking their horns from her and Derek's king-size bed in their beloved townhome.

To her horror and disbelief, this was real. This was happening.

A hidden strength inside her grew legs and she felt herself turning the doorknob despite herself. She walked in slowly, unsure of why she was even watching to begin with. Maybe it was because she needed to feel nearer to Derek, especially after what had happened earlier. Maybe she wanted to prove to herself that the tanned man existed, that he wasn't something her mind had conjured up. Maybe she was just a masochist.

She peered through the window to the surgery happening down below.

There he was, lying unconscious on the table, peeled open by none other than her husband. It was a godsend that she couldn't see his face. She might actually vomit then.

She sat down heavily, feeling her body collapse in a heap of exhaustion. The uncomfortable plastic of the chair was not the landing she had hoped for.

She watched Derek move the wands methodically, cutting and cauterizing with expertise, but her attention was quick to fall back on that man, Neal Turner. Her torturer in life, her tormenter in dreams.

In an instant, she was transported back to Christmas Eve.

She was stumbling before he caught her, or did he pick her up after she had fallen? It was all so blurry now. Then they were in the cab with the promise of her being brought home safely. Then they were in that bed. She saw his face twist into something devilish. The façade crumbled before her, right before she took that cracking blow to the eye.

Addison touched the delicate bone around her eye, as if he had just hit her again. She could feel the violation creeping up her body, dirtying her all over again.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Derek ask Meredith to step in. She had to admit, Grey was a good doctor, but it still stung to see their interactions.

She stood up abruptly. The police would be at the hospital soon, and she couldn't handle the Derek and Mark debacle before she spoke to them. She felt her strength withering away.

xxx

Time passed slowly.

Derek had lost track of exactly how much time had passed when he looked back up at the observation deck.

Addison was back, sitting alone, her head hung solemnly. Derek could see, even from a distance, that she had a resigned look on her face.

She stared at his patient and not at him, as though she were in a trance.

But it comforted him to see her there and to know that she wasn't a figment of his imagination.

His mind dared to wonder if she was lost in thought about him and Mark. He wanted nothing more than to leave this OR, gather her in his arms and assure her she had made the right decision in coming back with him. She could be lost in thought about a number of things, though. She had been through so much recently. Derek wasn't sure what the best course of action was, but he did know one thing: Mark would not come between them again while he helped her through her own trials.

He looked back down at his patient, surprising himself that despite all odds, he and his team had done it.

"That's it, everyone. We did it."

He heard a collective sigh from his colleagues.

"Let's suture. Good job, everyone."

He looked up at Meredith, more confident in her abilities than he was in himself in his current state.

"Grey, would you like to close up?"

Meredith's eyes crinkled with enthusiasm.

"Of course," she answered. She stepped closer to him, accepting the suture kit.

By the time his patient was closed up and doctors were filing out of the OR, Addison had disappeared again.

Derek washed up quickly, determined to catch Addison before he lost her again. When he stepped out into the hallway; however, she was nowhere to be seen.

xxx

Addison walked with trepidation through the halls of the hospital.

When she turned the corner, she could see the group of police officers that had gathered in the lobby, waiting there for her at the end.

She wrung her hands together, wishing like hell that this had happened anywhere but at Seattle Grace.

Miranda and Richard were standing amongst the crowd of black uniforms, their scrubs a stark difference.

"Addison!"

She spun on her heels upon hearing her name and watched Derek pad his way down the hall.

"Addison, wait!" He called out again.

She felt glued to the floor, caught between him and the hoard of suits.

When he finally reached her, he was a sweaty mess. He pushed his curls out of his face and spoke staccato through his staggering breaths.

"I know I haven't been the best husband in a long time. I've been absent-"

"Derek, this isn't necessary right now."

"Just let me finish." He took her small hands in his large ones before taking a step closer to her.

Addison looked over her shoulder, watching as Miranda pointed an officer in her direction. Her attention was pulled away when she heard Derek resume his speech.

"I've been absent. I wasn't there for holidays or anniversaries, or just simply quality time with you. I regret all of it, Addison." He took a deep breath and squeezed her hands. "I love you. I don't want to lose you again. We can get through what happened in New York, just like we can get through everything that's happened in Seattle. I can't lose you again."

It took a moment for her to absorb his words as distractions pulled her in every direction. She looked at him then, zeroing in on what he was saying. She thought maybe she was dreaming again.

"Derek, I want to have this conversation, it's just-"

Derek moved a hand to carefully cradle her chin, the other placed delicately on her neck. "You're my world. Stay with me. Please," he whispered as he tipped his chin down and kissed her, causing her to fall silent.

Addison closed her eyes, her lids suddenly too heavy to hold open, and for a moment, she forgot about everything else while Derek's lips were pressed against hers. She could feel him holding her upright, his stance strong and sure unlike her own.

Sounds of nurses giggling and a few claps from around them were drowning out as she was losing herself in the moment. But just as she did so, a man cleared his throat directly behind her, breaking her and Derek's trance.

They broke apart, both looking to the officer standing behind her.

"Excuse me. Are you Mrs. Montgomery-Shepherd?"

"You couldn't give us a moment?" Derek hadn't taken his hands off Addison.

"It's okay," she said quietly to Derek before turning to face the officer. "It's Doctor," she corrected swiftly. "Yes, I'm the one who called."

"Called?" Derek asked in confusion.

The officer kept his attention trained on Addison. "If you wouldn't mind talking somewhere privately… some of my men are heading to post-op now."

Addison half-nodded. She turned to look at Derek briefly. "I'll just be a moment."

Derek looked almost panic-filled between the officer and Addison. "What's all this about?"

"I'll explain later," Addison said. She was fearful that if he knew who he had just operated on, Neal Turner wouldn't be the only one leaving the hospital in handcuffs.

Before Derek could object, she directed the officer to a private meeting room.

Ch.12 coming soon.