"Sit yourself down, I'll make you a cuppa." Hayley guided her to the sofa.
"I don't want a drink." Carla sat down, putting her head in her hands.
"You'll need a full bladder if we're doing the test."
"Hayley-…"
"You agreed at the chemist that you need to find out. I know it's scary." She said softly, sitting next to her and placing a hand on her back.
"How the hell have I got myself in this situation." Carla groaned.
"I don't think you need a biology lesson." Hayley joked.
"I've always been so careful, Hayles. I never slip up." She exhaled.
"We all make mistakes, love."
"Not me."
"You might not even be pregnant. Once we do the test, you'll know. Then you can tell Peter and decide what the best thing to do is."
"It makes it more real. At least now, I don't know, I can pretend like this is all in my head."
"Could it be all in your head? What other symptoms have you had other than sickness?" The older woman questioned.
"I'm late," Carla rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I'm so stupid. I thought it was due to stress. I've had irregular periods before, so pregnancy just doesn't come to mind. I've been so exhausted too. Aching…"
"You need to think of it this way, waiting isn't going to change the result. You're just going to stress yourself out even more by waiting. We will deal with the consequences together after the test, Hmm?"
"Yeah, you're right." Carla nodded in defeat. "I'm so sorry, Hayles."
"Why are you sorry?"
"Spoiling your day. This wasn't on the agenda for me either."
"Come here," Hayley pulled Carla into her, giving her a motherly hug. "I'm here because I want to be."
"Have you done it?" Hayley asked, wiping down the counters as she waited for Carla to get back from the bathroom.
"Yeah," Carla whispered. "Two minutes."
"Right," Hayley nodded. "How do you feel?"
"Sick."
"Understandable." She smiled in sympathy.
"I can't be a mum." Carla exhaled.
"You are a very selfless and compassionate woman, Carla. As long as the child has love and support, it makes you a good mum. I've seen that side of you many times. Take the factory siege for example, you were willing to risk your life for me."
"That was a completely different situation. You didn't do anything wrong so you shouldn't have been there. I was in the wrong though. I cheated on Tony, was selfish and then didn't even tell the police when I found out he killed Liam. That's just the sort of woman I am, you see. I don't look out for anyone else but myself." She shrugged, in a daze.
"You couldn't be more wrong and you know it. It's the same with Simon too. He hasn't been nice to you and any other partner would've had enough by now. You're still trying with that young boy."
"But the thing is Hayles, I don't love him. I love Peter and unfortunately, Simon comes in the package there. I have no choice." She admitted.
"The only person you hate is yourself, Carla. You don't give yourself enough credit. You will learn to love him, it's not an instant thing. Even biological parents struggle with a bond at first."
"Would you hate me? If I terminated the pregnancy." Carla asked, quietly.
"No. I would respect your decision. But I'd be enormously disappointed if you'd failed to tell Peter beforehand, it's his baby too." She responded, truthfully.
"It's my body."
"You know that you can't do anything without telling him."
"I know, I know that. Ugh. I just can't think straight."
"I think two minutes is up." Hayley said.
"Just a bit longer, Ey?" Carla asked.
"I have all the time in the world." She gave her a warm smile.
"It's just…I never imagined myself a mam. Especially after the mother I had. She was vindictive, she was evil. All she cared about was alcohol, drugs and the newest boyfriend she had that week. Me and my brother was just the consequences of that lifestyle. Not once did she show a single ounce of love towards us. In fact, the only time she'd even communicate with me was when she wanted my money when I got myself a part time job. That sort of thing sticks with you, Hayley. I might look like I have it all together. A good business, all the designer clothes, an amazing boyfriend, sharp tongued. But underneath this facade, I'm that same little girl who used to fear getting home from school to see what state her mum was in. Whether she was drunk or even dead. After all of that, I was put off the idea of family altogether. Never even considered it."
"I can understand that, love. I really do. And it's a horrible thing to go through at such a young age. But maybe, and don't shut this down, it can influence you to not make the same mistakes for your child. Be determined to give it the life you always wanted as soon as it's born."
"I can't if love isn't there. And I won't love it." Carla stated, tearfully.
"You love Peter. It'll be half of him?"
"And half of me, Hayley. That's enough to make me want to run a mile."
"Are you ready to look at the test?"
Carla stared at it, the white stick that lay on the kitchen table. She drew in a deep breath and nodded gently.
"Can you…?"
"Of course." Hayley squeezed Carlas hand, like she'd done previously when Carla had needed her.
She picked it up, and looked into Carlas wide eyes…
"You're pregnant."
"Hello, love. Michelle said you did a runner earlier. Is everything okay?" Peter asked, his back to her as he made dinner in the kitchen area.
"Love?" He turned around when she failed to respond and that's when concern set in. She looked paler than she did in the morning, and she'd definitely been crying. Her eyes sparkled with tears that were threatening to spill. "What's happened?"
"I'm pregnant." She whispered, barely audible.
"What?" He frowned.
"I'm pregnant, Peter. I took a test today." She said, louder, as she wiped tears away.
"You're pregnant?" He stepped back and rested against the counter. "Oh my god."
"I thought we were careful." She sighed, wiping her cheeks.
"I can't believe it. How far?" He asked, bewildered.
"I have no idea. It didn't even enter my head that I could be until I got into work."
"You're pregnant?" He repeated for a final time.
She nodded, biting her lip.
He walked over and enveloped her into his arms, planting multiple kisses on her head. She tried to gage his thoughts, whether he wanted this or not. But from his actions, she assumed he was a lot more optimistic over this than her and that was terrifying in itself.
"We're having a baby, Car." He smiled, holding her by shoulders and looking at her drained expression.
His smile quickly faded away when she failed to express any sort of happiness or excitement over their new little bundle. In fact, she looked devastated.
"What's wrong?" He added.
"How can you even ask me that, Peter? Me a mum? Carla Connor, the woman with baby sick all down the top with a 'mum tum' and never shows up to work. Does that sound like my future to you?"
"You're wanting to get rid of it aren't you?" Anger flashed upon his face.
"I wanted to talk about it with you. I'm scared, Peter. In fact, I'm terrified." She said, a sob escaping her mouth.
Peter softened, pulling her into a hug. "We'll talk about it, baby. I'm sorry.
"It's just-," She exhaled. "This isn't what I had planned for us. For me. I can't get my head around it being a possibility."
"You need to try and block out all of the cons and look at the pros. Do you think the only reason you're refusing to look into this is because of your fears? Fear shouldn't win, love. It's a big decision."
"I don't know what I think anymore. My head is a complete mess."
"Do you wanna know what I think?" He asked, to which she nodded.
"I think…well, I think this is just what we've needed. The light at the end of the tunnel. Don't get me wrong, it's terrifying. I've already messed up Simon's life and the fact I'll have another child to be responsible for is a lot to think about. But the good outweighs it. This is my chance to try again, make no mistakes. Our fresh start. I think you'd be an amazing mum, I'll fall even deeper in love with you. It just seems like the best thing to happen at this time." He explained, making Carla smile weakly.
"What if you drink again?"
"What ifs will get us nowhere. There's always a possibility I will drink again, but there's also a possibility that the queen will come for a pint at the Rovers." He nudged her, playfully.
"You think this could happen? What would Simon think? And leanne? And you're whole family."
"Why do I care what they think? As long as we're happy, I couldn't care less. As for Simon, it'll be a process but I'll make him aware that this baby won't take his place."
"Imagining you with a little baby on your shoulder rocking it does sound like something I'd want to see every day." She smiled, a tear falling down her face.
"We don't need to make any decisions yet. But please, just think about it. I think you're underestimating how much of a blessing this is. I knew from the minute you met Simon, that you'd be an amazing mum. I won't push you, but definitely look at the full picture here."
"Are we actually considering this?" She asked, hesitation in her voice.
"I think we might be." He said. "Come here."
He rested his chin on her head as she lay tucked under his arm.
"I panicked so much when I was in the loo, even when I was with Hayley. But somehow when I'm with you, I feel like I can see a way forward. And that isn't me saying I'm wanting this baby, but just the tiniest bit open, you know?"
"I think you're more than open but you're just scared to let yourself consider it. I know you more than you know yourself."
"You do," She nodded. "It's just such a big thing. And we're not exactly spring chickens. We'll be the oldest at the school pick-up. What sort of chance has it got?"
"I think it has more chance than most. We have money saved up, two loving parents. We can give it a good life."
"Can we? Do you really think so?"
He tilted her head upwards so she was looking at him, "I know so."
Releasing a deep breath of all the anguish she'd faced that day, she finally nodded "I will consider it. But don't push me."
"That's good enough for me." He kissed her nose.
"You're quiet, love." Peter called, from where he was washing up in the kitchen.
"Am I?" She asked, sat in her dressing gown after a warm shower.
"Yeah. Was the food okay?"
"Yeah it was fine, baby. Well, as good as it can be when every single thing is making you feel like you're going to be sick." She rolled her eyes.
"Oh, love."
"It'll be months of this, wont it? Maybe even worse. Maybe for a full nine months." She panicked.
"One day at a time." He advised her.
"Peter?"
"Hmm?"
"I do love you," She smiled. "And I'm sorry I'm rubbish."
"You're not, baby. And for the record, I love you too." He walked over and learned over the back of the sofa, kissing her.
"I think I want this, Peter. But I have so many voices in my head telling me this can't happen."
"I have an idea then," He perched himself on the arm of the chair. "Carry on as normal, think it all through. When you decide, you can let me know. We don't need to decide everything now. We're still in shock."
"I think you're talking a lot of sense, Barlow."
Thank you for the support on the last chapter, was hesitant to get back into writing but it's so therapeutic for when I'm going through personal things. Hope this is okay!