Author's Note: Well here we are again. This chapter's a bit of a breather, as Helga gets used to the idea of staying in Sunset Arms.
Review responses (Even if I do PM you I'll still give a response here to your review that everyone can see.):
The J.A.M. a.k.a. Numbuh i: Truth be told, I completely forgot about Olga's college friends. Maybe she was so upset that she forgot to call them as well. I did make sure to make Phoebe unreachable for at least the first part of this story, though. I guess it can go both ways with Arnold knowing about the birds and the bees. I have plans that call for him being ignorant on the subject, though, and let me say, they are going to traumatize the poor kid. Mwahahaha.
Pohla: That's great. This one isn't quite as long as the last two, though.
Previously: After dinner, Arnold and Phil go to talk with Helga and Olga, respectively. Helga tells Arnold the truth about Olga, and Arnold talks her into giving her mother another chance. Going in, she's ready to try and start over with her mom, but asks Olga why she was so obssessed with performing for Bob and Miriam. After explaining her reasons, Helga forgives her, and as the two watch a movie together, Helga finds herself drifting off to sleep.
Previous Married... with Children Reference: Dumpwater, Florida was the setting of the opening two parter of season two, "Poppy's by the Tree". In the first of the disasterous Bundy vacations that we see in MWC, Al drags his family to the town of Dumpwater, not knowing that a serial killer targets tourists there every five years. Since the murderer was let go at the end of the two parter, and since this story is set ten years after that, it fits the time frame perfectly for when he'd strike again.
Chapter Five: The Grand Tour
Tuesday, August 19, 1997
Six Days Before the Start of Fifth Grade
Helga slowly started to return to the world of the living. She had just had the most unbelievable dream. I guess I'd much rather have preferred living anywhere else than Bob's Beeper store, even if it puts my secret at major risk, and the part about Olga being my mother was just absurd. Like that would ever happ-
Her thoughts were cut short as she opened her eyes to see that she was not in her single size bed in her nearly empty bedroom but instead a queen-size bed in a room whose walls were covered in bookcases. Besides space for the bed, door, window, dresser, and wardrobe, anywhere a bookcase could fit, there was one. What should have been panic was replaced by curiosity as she looked around. The light coming in through the single window showed that one of them had a bunch of VHS Tapes, mostly romantic comedies, animated movies, and some classics, but she recognized a few horror movies in there like Child's Play and Evil Twin. Another shelf was filled up with CDs of a wide range of genres. Yet another was filled with video games, still in their original boxes.
Most of the bookcases, however, were filled up with books, a lot of them appearing to be classics like Charles Dickins and Mark Twain. She noticed that a most of one case was filled up with Stephen King and fantasy novels. However, one book title that caught her eye was The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle. The memories of the previous night fully came back to her. It... it wasn't a dream. I really am going to be living in the same building as Arnold and Olga. And... and she is really my mother. Olga must have put Helga in her bedroom when she fell asleep instead of taking her back to room six. Apparently she's also a closet nerd.
A clock above the door gave the time as a few minutes before seven. Helga usually got up between six and six thirty so she could have a good amount of time to herself before she had to go to school, but yesterday had been a long, long day.
That's when she noticed that next to the bed was a nightstand, on which rested a lamp, a book (Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin), and two pictures. Turning on the lamp, she saw that one photo was from her first birthday. She recognized it as her parents- her grandparents had had a copy of it hanging at home. The other one, however...
It was a photo of a preteen Olga with a boy she now knew to be her real father. The missing picture from the photo album! The location they were at seemed familiar... all of a sudden, she realized where this date had taken place: Hillwood's annual cheese festival, which usually took place the last full week of September. Huh... if he was only here in the states for one school year, they must have gotten together pretty quickly...
Helga grimaced as she remembered the last two times she had gone to the event. She had spent the whole time trying to sabotage Arnold from getting close to Ruth McDougal and Little Miss Perfect, not that either had been interested in him. As far as I know, Arnold doesn't have any girls he's currently interested in... maybe he and I could go together... She shook her head at the hopeful thought. Yeah, like I would be that lucky.
Getting up, she realized she was still wearing yesterday's clothes. Ugh. I hate sleeping in my clothes. She felt ready for a shower. Making her way into the kitchen/living room, she heard light snoring coming from the couch. Walking over, she saw her pajama-clad mother sprawled out on the couch. At the sight of Olga's disheveled hair and the slightest amount of drool dribbling from her mouth, Helga smirked. While sleeping, the overachiever apparently lacked all the grace she normally exuded while awake.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Olga, awakened by the noise, fumbled herself off the couch and landed on the floor. "Ow." Ignoring her disorientated mom, Helga went to open the door. Doing so, she saw Arnold's Grandpa standing there.
"Hey there, uh..." He scratched his head.
"Helga."
"Helga! I would have remembered if you just gave me a moment... anyway, just wanted to let you know that Pookie's decided to cook up some breakfast this morning. It should be ready in a half hour. See you then!"
And with that Phil had walked off. She was about to go grab some clothes and head for the bathroom when a still half-awake Olga walked up behind her. "Who was that baby sister?"
Helga turned to look at the young woman. She was rubbing her eyes and still rocking a serious case of bedhead. A morning person Olga obviously was not. "It was Mr. Shortman. Breakfast is in half an hour." She again turned towards the open door. "And I'm not your sister."
Her progress towards her room was halted as Olga pulled her into a tight hug. "That's right! You know the truth now! I don't have to lie to you anymore!"
"Olga! I need to have a shower. Let go of me!" After squirming her way out of her mom's grip, Helga walked out into the hall. Going into her room, she headed for the dresser. After grabbing a pair of unmentionables, she picked out a training bra. She hated that she had to wear the darn things already. A few months ago, Miriam had been quite excited to take her shopping for them. Why couldn't I have had another year or two before I had to put up with this crap? Rite of passage my butt.
As for a shirt... Helga grinned. She knew exactly what she could wear. I don't really plan on going anywhere... and I don't have to hear Bob complaining about it... She looked through the dresser until she found it. It was a worn old Black Sabbath T-shirt she had found at a yard sale last year. She liked the band enough that it made her day when she found the shirt. She tried to wear it once or twice a month, but Bob would always see her in it and complain. He wasn't the biggest fan of most bands from past the mid-sixties, it seemed. Now, however, she was free to wear it whenever she pleased.
Heading to the cabinet, Helga decided to wear one of her few pairs of blue jeans. While she didn't mind wearing dresses or more feminine clothing on occasion (she'd wear her favorite pink jumper at least once a week for example), she definitely wanted to get more pairs of jeans and sweatpants. They were more comfortable (especially when playing baseball) and the pocket space was a plus as well.
Stack of clothes in one hand, she walked out into the hall and towards the bathroom door. As she raised her free hand to knock on the door (as the sign on it said to do), it swung open, revealing her beloved, blond hair still slightly glistening from his own shower.
While Helga was trying to think of anything to say to the heavenly sight in front of her, Arnold himself spoke. "Good morning, Helga. Bathroom's free now, so go right ahead." However, instead of moving out of the way, Arnold froze, staring at Helga with a blush rapidly spreading across his face.
Glancing down to where he was staring, she saw the damn bra hanging out from between the shirt and pants she was holding. Feeling her own face go hot, she sputtered. "W-what the heck Arnoldo!? Stop staring!" She tucked it back between the other clothes.
Arnold, flustered, apologized. "I-I'm sorry Helga. It's just, I-I didn't think... uh... that you would have..."
"I'm an early bloomer, okay! Now move!" He quickly moved out of the doorway, allowing her access. Closing and locking the door, she groaned. Criminy, that was embarrassing. If pure, innocent Arnold makes me that embarrassed by just seeing my bra, this is going to be a long few... what? Weeks? Months? Years!? Not allowing the thought to linger,she undressed and had a quick but refreshing shower. Dressing and drying her hair, she was about to put her golden locks back into her usual pigtails when she looked at herself in the mirror. Why not change things up?
She left her hair down, although she still wore her bow (as usual). Hmmm. Not bad. Going out in the hall, she found Olga waiting, clothes in hand, Arnold nowhere in sight. Olga looked her up and down, annoying her. "Want to make something of it?"
"No, Helga. Just pondering how great minds think alike." As Olga smiled, Helga raised one side of her eyebrow at this. "I've also been thinking of growing my hair out again. Anyway, would you wait out here for me? I won't be long."
"Uh... sure." As her mother went into the bathroom, Helga settled against the wall. Thinking about her encounter with Arnold, she sighed. She hadn't even been here a full day and she'd had a handful of moments where she had either been embarrassed or her secret had almost been revealed. She'd have to make clear to Arnold that her room was off limits, so she could at least have one safe haven.
Finally, Olga emerged from the bathroom, and Helga was surprised by what she was wearing. Much like her daughter, she was wearing a pair of jeans, but what surprised Helga the most was the worn Red Hot Chili Peppers T-shirt she had on. "You're a fan of the Chili Peppers?" Helga asked. "I didn't know you liked rock music."
"Oh yes! Rock and metal music is a breath of fresh air when I've had to play classical pieces so often. In fact, I've gone to quite a few concerts over the years. In fact, I got this in 1985 when I saw them with your father... he liked that kind of music a lot too."
"It still fits?"
"I got a larger size so I could grow into it." She looked at her daughter's shirt again. "I didn't know you liked Sabbath."
Helga huffed. "Yeah, well, Bob would complain if I played their music too loudly, and he would throw a hissy fit anytime he saw me in this shirt."
"Same with my various tees. You'll have to let me know what bands you like so I can get you some more shirts. We should go shopping tomorrow." Helga rolled her eyes. Yay. Something I'm so looking forward to.
Olga took her and Helga's dirty clothes into her room, depositing them in the clothes basket. After coming back out, she spoke. "Anyway, let's get going to breakfast."
Olga started going down the hall towards the stairs when Helga stopped her. "Uh... can we keep a lid on the whole 'you being my mother' thing. I just want to have a relatively quiet breakfast."
Her mother frowned and spoke in a quiet voice. "Oh... okay Helga. I won't say anything about it." They headed downstairs and took a right at the bottom of the steps, heading into the dining room. Seated around at the head of the table were Phil, with Arnold to his right, and the other three boarders to his left. Empty plates and silverware were placed in front of each spot, and there was also a full pitcher of orange juice and a bottle of maple syrup sitting in the center of the table. As Olga and Helga entered, four out of the five sets of eyes turned to look at the two. The remaining one was busy reading the classified section of the newspaper.
A chorus of greetings filled their ears, and Helga realized she recognized two of the three boarders. The closest, a really short, mostly bald man named Ernie Potts. She remembered that he participated in career day this past school year, being the one Phoebe spent the day with. The middle one, a middle-aged Asian man with glasses was probably recognizable to everyone in Hillwood, as he had his five minutes of fame late last year with his song "The Simple Things." There was also the matter of her helping find his daughter on Christmas a couple years ago. She decided to keep that fact quiet. She knew his last name was Hyunh, but she drew a blank on his first.
That must mean the boarder busy reading the newspaper was one Oskar Kokoshka. A few months ago, Arnold came to baseball practice looking tired out. He had explained that Oskar woke for his paper route that morning to find his wife gone and a note saying she wasn't coming back. He managed to wake up the rest of the boarding house with his loud wails of "Suzie".
Ernie and Mr. Hyunh got up and formally introduced themselves to her (she still failed to get Hyunh's first name). She then introduced herself. "Arnold has told me a lot about both of you."
"Mostly good things I hope." Mr. Hyunh said.
"Well, he's said a thing or two about you as well." Ernie added as he and Mr. Hyunh took their seats again.
"Oh, has he..." Looking over at Arnold, she realized that Olga had taken the seat across from Ernie. Since the seat across from Phil was already taken, as marked by the glass of orange juice sitting by the plate, presumably left by Arnold's Grandma, that left the spot between Olga and Arnold as the sole empty seat. The playful grin on Olga's face made it obvious that she knew exactly what she had done.
Giving her mother the evil eye, Helga took the seat. When she spared another glance at Arnold, he blushed and looked away. Great. How long am I going to have to put up with him being too embarrassed to look at me?
While she was thinking of something to say to him, Arnold's grandma walked into the room from the kitchen. Gertrude Shortman, wearing a karate gi and headband, was carrying two plates, one full of bacon and the other with a tall stack of pancakes. "Hello, students. Your sensei has brought you your morning nourishment. Eat up, for training begins soon." She set the plates down on the table and took her seat.
Helga shot a confused look at Arnold and his grandfather. Arnold continued looking away from her and Phil just shrugged. "You get used to it."
As everyone filled their plate, Gertie spoke. "Good morning, Eleanor. I hope you and Anna Rebecca are getting along better now." Figuring she was referring to her and Olga, Helga slowly nodded her head. "Good. I hope you enjoy your stay here at the dojo."
As everyone ate, Helga decided she should try to talk with the boarders a little bit. "Hey Mr. Potts. Do you remember my friend Phoebe? She went with you on career day."
Ernie nodded. "Oh yeah! Bright kid. Too bad she isn't interested in busting into the demolition business. She'd be great at it. She would probably know the exact right place to swing the wrecking ball or plant dynamite to bring a building down." Helga smiled at this.
"She's probably the most intelligent person I know." After a few more bites, Helga went for a more daring question. "Mr. Hyunh, how's your daughter Mai doing?"
"Oh! She's doing well! I'll have to introduce you to her next time she visits." Helga mentally kicked herself. Oh great. What am I going to say when it turns out she already knows me?
Apparently getting over his embarrassment, Arnold finally spoke up. "How did you know about Mr. Hyunh's daughter?"
Mentally slapping herself yet again, Helga thought up an answer as quickly as she could. "Well, uh... you wouldn't shut up about it when winter break ended, Football Head."
Ernie laughed. "Hah! Football Head! I'll have to remember that one."
Arnold was surprised. "I did tell everyone about it, but I didn't think you were listening."
Helga shrugged. "Guess I was."
Breakfast continued. At one point, Mr. Hyunh turned to Oskar, who was still looking over the paper as he ate. "You are very rude. You haven't said hello, introduced yourself, or said a single word to Helga yet."
Oskar didn't look up as he answered. "I don't care and I'm busy. I need to find a better job so I can get out of room four. Why do so many of these jobs have such strict requirements." He grumbled. "Either you have to work really hard or be really educated."
"They don't want a lazy bum with a second-grade reading level. That disqualifies you from almost every job imaginable." Ernie interjected.
As Oskar stuck his tongue out at Ernie, Mr. Hyunh pointed at a certain posting. "How about this one? It says it doesn't require an education or a strong work ethic."
Oskar looked at it. "I'm not selling women's shoes! I make more as a paper boy! Back in Czechoslovakia shoe salesmen were considered worse than paupers!"
As breakfast was wrapping up, Helga turned to Olga. "Oh, Olga! I saw all those bookcases in your room. Mine doesn't have anywhere to put my books. Could we maybe find one when we go shopping together?" She did want to take advantage of a room she could lock and keep her poetry volumes in a more accessible spot than the back of a closet.
"Sure, Helga."
Phil scratched his chin. "That's funny. I thought there was a short bookcase in number six."
Unnoticed to everyone else, Oskar sank in his seat. I should have known they would have noticed the missing furniture...
As everyone finished eating, they all got up. The three male boarders all went off to get their days started (or stew in resentment as Oskar was likely to do). Gertie gathered up the empty plates and dirty silverware and went back to the kitchen.
Olga turned to Helga. "Helga, sweetie, I'm going to have to spend a few hours working on my lesson plan. How about Arnold or Phil show you around, then you can find a book or watch television down here until I'm done?"
Helga shrugged. "Sounds like a plan."
Olga left and headed upstairs. Helga turned to the grandfather and grandson still in the room. "Soooo... who's giving this 'grand tour' that's been mentioned."
Phil patted Arnold on the back. "Football Head as you call him will show you around."
Arnold shot his grandpa an annoyed look as the old man left the room, then turned to Helga. He opened his mouth to say something, but then just stared at her.
Helga cheeks started to heat up under Arnold's gaze. "Come on, Hair Boy. It was a bra. Get over it. Olga wears one, my mom wears one, your grandma wears one, and over the next few years every single girl in our class will start to wear one."
Arnold shook his head. "Sorry, Helga. It's not that, it's just... with your hair down you just remind me of someone. I can't put my finger on who though."
Helga rolled her eyes. "Come on, Arnoldo. I'm sure you've seen me with my hair down before. Now, are we going to get this show on the road or what?"
Arnold rolled his eyes at the continued nicknames. She didn't pack the venom in them like she used to, but they still could get annoying from time to time. "Alright, follow me." They walked back into the foyer. "Once it starts getting colder, you can hang your coat in the closet here." He pointed to the closet located under the stairs.
Moving into the living room, Arnold pointed out the comfy looking chairs and the piano. "This room is often nice and quiet. I sometimes come here and read. You could also play the piano if you want to. It's not as nice as the one on the roof, but it still sounds good."
"You have a piano on the roof?"
"It's a grand piano. Grandma couldn't figure out how to get it inside, so she had it put up there. The first door at the top of the stairs leads up there, if you want to check it out."
"Yeah... I'll have to pass on that. Growing up with Olga has made me allergic to the ivory keys."
Opening the door, Arnold and Helga headed down into the basement. She grimaced at the worktable. It was where Arnold and Phil almost got her locket open. After that, her last excursion inside the boarding house, she had asked Dr. Bliss to help temper her obsession. Four times was enough... or was it five.
He led her through a doorway into a small room with a washer and a dryer. Arnold started to explain all the rules, which were posted on the wall. "You want to follow these closely. Ernie and Mr. Hyunh get oddly irate if you don't. They gave Gerald a heck of a time over it when he was staying here."
Geesh. I'm not putting up with this. I'll just guilt trip Olga into doing my laundry.'
After that, they made their way back upstairs. From the living room they went into the kitchen. They said hi to Gertie, who was busy with the dishes, and then Arnold turned to Helga. "Well, normally I'd tell you about how you could make use of the kitchen appliances and the table, but considering seven has its own kitchen... ummm... oh!" Just then, Arnold's pet pig Abner came in through the doggy-door and brushed up against his owner's leg.
After Arnold gave his head a pat, Abner went over to the strangely familiar presence. Sniffing at Helga, he pawed at her leg and started oinking at her. Oh no! Does he smell the locket? After all, the pig was the one who had found it and brought it to Arnold's grandpa that one time. "Ugh! Get away from me!"
"Down Abner!" Arnold scolded the pig, causing Abner to leave Helga alone and trot off into the living room. "Sorry, Helga. Normally he's better behaved than this."
"It's fine, Arnold. How about you finish showing me around?"
From the kitchen, they walked into the family room. They greeted Phil, who was watching some old detective show. Arnold scratched the back of his head. "Well, once again you don't really need to know about the family room, since seven has its own tv... I guess you can watch something if it's free and Olga's watching something in her room? Anyway, that's about it for the tour."
Helga wasn't impressed. "That was one heck of a grand tour, Arnold." As she said it, two closed doors on one wall caught her eye. "Where do those doors lead?"
"The one on the left is where Grandpa stores all his fishing gear, and the one on the right..." He turned to his grandpa, who had turned around and was looking at the two.
Phil sighed. "You can tell her about it, Arnold."
"That one leads to Grandpa's private bathroom."
Phil chimed in. "And I ask that you stay out of it unless it is an absolute emergency, okay?" His tone made it clear he wasn't joking.
Helga nodded. "Okay, Arnold. If you don't mind, I'm going to grab a book and read for a while."
As she started upstairs Arnold followed. "I think I'll do the same. Mind if I join you?"
At Arnold's question, Helga felt a warm feeling in her chest. He wants to spend time with me? Alone?
As they went upstairs, Helga spotted the camera hanging in front of door eight. She thought about asking about it, but she decided against it. Eh, maybe later. As he went further down the hall, she stopped in front of seven. She just tried the doorknob and was able to go right in. Seems Olga didn't lock the door all that often during the day.
Her mother was busy at the table, switching back and forth from a laptop and a bunch of papers. Hearing the door open she turned to look at her daughter. "Sorry Helga, I'm still busy getting ready. It'll be a couple of hours yet."
"I'm just grabbing a book." Helga replied as she headed for the bedroom.
She rolled her eyes as Olga called out. "I'll have to make sure it's appropriate." Helga sensed many arguments over the topic of appropriate reading/watching material were waiting for her in the future.
Grabbing The Last Unicorn from where she saw it this morning, she walked over to the table and presented the book for approval. "Is this all right for my oh-so-fragile mind?"
Despite the question dripping with sarcasm, Olga smiled. "I'm guessing you liked the movie last night. Hope you enjoy the book."
Exiting back out to the hallway, Helga saw Arnold waiting for her. "What are you reading Helga?"
She showed him, then asked him about his reading material.
He showed her. It was The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien. "Your mom recommended it. This is actually her copy that she lent to me."
Going down to the living room, where Abner was currently resting on the rug. Helga sat on the recliner, setting her legs over one of its shoulders. Arnold sat on the couch, Abner jumping up and laying down next to him. Both opened their books and started reading.
As she got into the book, she felt herself relaxing. Maybe staying here won't be so bad after all...
Okay, so several things. First, about Helga and Olga's appearances. I won't go into detail about what they're wearing too often, but I will bring it up every once and a while. While I love cartoons, I don't really care for the fact that characters often wear the exact same thing all the time. One of the many reasons I like The Venture Bros. is that it makes sense why a lot of the characters always wear the same outfits, and for those who don't have that excuse they do have several different sets of clothes they go through. Also, Helga putting her hair down seems to have given another piece of déjà vu to Arnold. Wonder how long it'll take him to put everything together...
As for the layout of the Boarding House, I've tried to include all the various rooms as they are shown in the series, but I've basically came up with my own idea of how they all fit together, as the series was rather inconsistent. I've also made it so there are only eight different rooms for various boarders. Room 1 is where Arnold's grandparents stay, Room 2 is the one where Rhonda and her parents as well as season 1 boarder Lana Vail stayed, Room 3 is Mr. Hyunh's, Room 4 is the one Oskar is currently in and where season 1 boarder Mr. Purdy stayed, Room 5 is Ernie's, Room 6 is where Gerald stayed, Room 7 is the one Oskar and Suzie stayed in during the series, and Room 8 is the one the mysterious Mr. Smith stayed in. I'd also probably make the rooms Dino Spumoni and Don Reynolds stayed in 2 and 6, even though their rooms were depicted as right across from each other in "Partners."
Until next time...