The Krusty Krab, the autumn of 2012…

Spongebob was on a particularly destructive roll this year, wasn't he? First he crippled his driving teacher Mrs. Puff in a vehicular accident, leaving her with her inflation sack ruptured, which was also the final straw that led to Spongebob kissing any chance of getting his boating license goodbye.

And now, surprise of all surprises, Squidward also suffered a debilitating injury thanks to Spongebob and Patrick, in the form of severe head trauma that not only left his bald, shiny noggin morbidly swollen but also caused him to mentally regress into an infant!

There was a glimmer of hope for him to recover. Dr. Gilliam said that all the octopus needed was to avoid another blow to the head and he would get better. Unfortunately, Squidward was left in the care of the dunderhead duo and…guess what? They were too stupid to heed the good doctor's warning and Squidward received a few more blows to the head!

Thanks to the Krusty Crew's completely random and erratic work schedule, Spongebob along with Patrick had the time to take care of Squidward for four days but by day five, Spongebob and Squidward were required to get back at work at the Krusty Krab, which was apparently closed for all that time?

An exhausted and disheveled Spongebob and Patrick entered the Krusty Krab, with "baby" Squidward strapped to the former's back in a baby carrier.

"Taking care of a baby sure is hard." Patrick mumbled tiredly.

"You said it, I'm exhausted." Spongebob agreed. "Hey, Patrick. I have to go to work. Would you mind holding Squidw..." he turned around only to find Patrick snoring on a table.

"Jerk…" Spongebob muttered when a ticked-off Mr. Krabs marched up to him.

"SpongeBob, Squidward, nuff duff-dragging! Get t' yer stations, pronto!" Mr. Krabs roared before noticing that Squidward was strapped to Spongebob's back, and that he wasn't wearing anything but a diaper.

"Um, Mr. Krabs?" Spongebob said worriedly. "We have a small problem."

"What's th' meanin' o' this tomfoolery, boys?" Mr. Krabs asked, equal amounts angry, confused and just flat-out weirded out. "What in Neptune's name are ye doin', Squidward?"

"Sir, I don't think Squidward is fit to perform his duty." Spongebob continued and picked up Squidward to show him to the old crab. Squidward smiled at the tightwad and once again made weird, gargled noises, sounding like anything but a baby. Seriously, what was up with that?

Mr. Krabs recoiled at the unnerving sight, before scowling and putting his claws on his hips. "Boy, ye better explain what th' heck's goin' on? What's wrong with 'im? Why does he look like he got hit by a torpedo in th' head?"

"Well…it was actually a mailbox." Spongebob shrank sheepishly. "And he wasn't technically hit by it, he ran into it."

"So Squidward suffered head trauma?" Mr. Krabs figured. "But why is he in a diaper 'n why is he actin' like a baby?"

Spongebob gulped and his face shrunk further into his box-shaped pants. "Well…that blow to the head sorta messed with his brain and he regressed to a baby."

"WHAT?!" Krabs exclaimed angrily. "So ye're sayin' me cashier can't do job 'til th' swellin' goes down! Grrrrr!"

Krabs fumed and leaned forward at Spongebob and Squdward, shaking his fist. "Spongebob!" he said threateningly. "I swear, if ye weren't th' best fry cook in Bikini Bottom I'd make ye walk th' plank!"

Squidward started crying and Spongebob gasped and started rocking him in his arms, while giving his employer a scolding look. "Mr. Krabs, you can't yell at a baby!"

"He ain'y a baby, he's a grown cephalopod in a diaper!" Krabs retorted before sighing and dragging his claw across his face. "Alright, so how long will it take fer 'im t' recover? A week? Two weeks?"

Spongebob started sweating. "Um…actually…."

"Cause I won't pay 'im a nickel fer slackin' off!" Krabs crossed his arms. "He was not injured at the workplace, so I'm not legally required t' pay 'im worker's compensation!"

"Actually, Mr. Krabs….sir…" Spongebob fumbled with his words. "I'm afraid it's not that simple…"

"What do you mean…" Krabs asked but then paused with realization. Scowling and fuming again, he pointed his claw at the sponge accusingly, making him flinch.

"I know that look, lad! Ye were told not do somethin' but ye did it anyway, am I right?"

Spongebob grew a nervous grin. "I guess you could say that?"

"Spit it out, Spongebob! How bad be it this time!" Krabs asked.

"Well, the doctor told me and Patrick to take care of Squidward until he got better and that he should not, under any circumstances, suffer another blow to the head, otherwise…."

Krabs's pursed his lips and his pupils shrank in horror.

"Spongebob!" he roared incredulously. "Ye better not be tellin' me that Squidward is stuck in this state!"

"It wasn't my fault, sir!" Spongebob panicked and pointed at the slumbering Patrick. "Patrick accidentally threw him into the ceiling, and then Squidward crawled out onto the road and Patrick lifted it-"

"I don't care who's t' blame! How am I supposed t' run me business without a cashier!?" Krabs lamented. "Squidward is th' only one pathetic enough t' take this job!"

"Mr. Krabs! We can't replace Squidward!" Spongebob looked scandalized. "He's part of the Krusty Krab family!"

"He's disowned if he's stuck like this! I'm not goin' t' play grandpa 'n mollycoddle 'im 'n..." Krabs shuddered at the horrifying, unholy thought "….buy 'im gifts.'

"Surely you must know of a remedy that can turn him back to normal?"

"Do I look like a doctor, lad?" Krabs shrugged in annoyance. "We wouldn't be in this mess if ye jus' heeded th' warnin' from th' actual doctor!"

"But…but you've been through a lot, Mr. Krabs? You've seen everything, surely you saw cases like this before?"

"Aye, I did. 'n in me day, when someone suffered a head injury 'n was reduced t' a babblin' vegetable, we would toss them in th' loony bin 'n forget about them."

Spongebob gasped and hugged Squidward protectively. "Mr. Krabs, you can't be serious! We can't do that to Squidward!"

"I don't see another option. I doubt his agin' mother is keen on raisin' 'im a second time."

Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over Spongebob's head. "Wait! I know who can help us!"

Cut to Sandy's tree dome, with Mr. Krabs and Spongebob standing in Sandy's lab, the latter holding Squidward and all three of them wearing water helmets.

"Where is that mammal?" Krabs said impatiently. "I'm losin' business because of this mishap!"

"Calm down, ah'm comin'." the Texan squirrel returned, clearly not appreciating his attitude. She was wearing a lab coat and carrying an x-ray print.

"So what can we do to get Squidward back to normal?" Spongebob asked her pleadingly. "Please, Sandy! You're his last hope."

Squidward just made more weird gargled noises and knocked on his own helmet with his rattle.

Sandy sighed and showed them the x-ray. "Ah'm afraid there's not much ah can do, yall really done a number on 'im."

The x-ray showed the inside of Squidward's skull, specifically his brain, which sported a huge crack on its left side.

"But Sandy, we have to fix him somehow?" Spongebob pleaded. "You're a genius. Surely you can figure out a cure for Head-Go-Boom-Boom-itis?"

"Spongebob, on land we call this brain damage." Sandy explained to him. "And if ya damage yur brain, there ain't a whole lot ya can do to fix it. See, thuh brain serves as thuh center of yur nervous system. It contains 14–16 billion neurons-"

"We didn't come here fer science lectures! Can ye fix 'im or not!" Krabs interrupted. "I'm losin' more money with each passin' second!

Sandy glowered at him. "Oh, ah'm so sorry. Me focusin' on our friend who got his brain scrambled." She said with heavy sarcasm. "But ya earnin' more money ta hoard? That is clearly what's more important."

"Exactly!" Krabs nodded, seemingly oblivious to her sarcasm. "Now that we've cleared up our priorities, can ye jus' fix his brain so I don't 'ave t' hire some annoyin' teenagers again?"

"Yes, please, Sandy!" Spongebob agreed. "There has to be something you can do to help him? Maybe you just need some time to think it over."

Sandy gave him a sympathetic look. "Ah'm sorry, buddy. But thair really is nothin' ah can do short of travelin' back in taahm and….." she stopped as she saw Spongebob grow a huge smile.

"That's a brilliant idea, Sandy!" he beamed. "We can travel back in time and stop my past self from playing with my baby toys so Squidward won't trip on the toy car and hurt his head!"

"Great idea, lass!" Krabs said approvingly. "Now hurry up, use yer time machine or whatever 'n make sure I never lost any money t' begin with!"

Spongebob turned to Squidward and rocked him happily. "You hear that, buddy! We're going to fix you by making sure you never hurt your head in the first place!"

"Wow, wow! Hold yur horses, guys! Ah never said ah can do that. Ah may be a scientist but ah ain't a miracle worker."

"Sure ye are, ye're like th' MacGyver of rodents, Sandy." Mr. Krabs said encouragingly.

"Yes, didn't you tell me once that you invented some ray gun that can shoot portals that go through time and space?"

Sandy sighed and snapped her head up. "Guys, messin' with thuh space-time continuum is dangerous. Who knows what ramifications-"

"Who cares about space-time! I need t' recoup me lost earnings!" Krabs said petulantly.

"Please, Sandy. I know last time I time-traveled me and Patrick accidentally caused a dystopian future where Man Ray ruled over Bikini Bottom, but with you supervising me, I'm sure nothing bad will happen!" Spongebob tried to reason with her.

Sandy still looked unconvinced. "I dunno…"

"Pleeeeeaaaaaase, Sandy…..do it for Squidward!" Spongebob held up Squidward towards her.

Squidward smiled at her, with drool dripping from his mouth, causing Sandy to step back in disgust.

"Please, Sandy. That's his last hope." Spongebob begged.

Sandy caved in and sighed. "Alright, we'll do it."

Five days ago…

"Look at this, Gary? I found it in the attic." Spongebob showed his pet snail a box.

Out of it, he pulled a rattle and a teddy bear. "It's my old baby toys! I didn't even know I still had them." Spongebob cooed at them with a nostalgic glint in his eyes.

Gary rolled his eyes. He sure hoped that Spongebob wasn't thinking of doing what Gary worried he was thinking.

Suddenly, a blue portal opened behind them. Gary let out a startled "meow" as Sandy and another Spongebob stepped out of it.

"Wow, I hardly recognize the place?" Future!Spongebob marveled at his home.

"Spongebob, we just traveled less than a week into the past." Sandy deadpanned, holding her ray gun.

"Hey, Sandy!" Past!Spongebob waved. "I wasn't expecting you to drop by, and who is your new friend?"

"I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you are one good-looking fella." He told the other Spongebob, making the latter blush.

"Thank you, past me." Future!Spongebob giggled girlishly.

"Oh, you're me from the future?" Past!Spongebob beamed. "Oh, boy! Why did you come? Is the Krusty Krab 2 finally going to be canon again?"

Future!Spongebob deflated. "I'm afraid not."

"Dang it!" a saddened Past!Spongebob snapped his fingers. "I'm still not going to be a manager."

"Spongebob, focus!" Sandy scolded him. "We came here to warn your past self."

"Warn me?" Past!Spongebob cocked an eyebrow.

"Right, right!" Future!Spongebob remembered and gave the other Spongebob an apologetic smile. "Look, I hate to be a spoilsport. But you cannot play with your old baby toys."

"Why not?" Past!Spongebob asked.

"I know this may seem harmless, but if you and Patrick go out there and play with your old baby toys, it will cause a series of unfortunate events that will result in Squidward suffering a horrible head injury that will make him regress back into a baby and there won't be any way to get him back to normal."

"Oh, no?" Past!Spongebob gasped, immediately believing everything without any further questions. "I don't want to hurt Squidward."

"I know you would never want to cause Squidward harm." Future!Spongebob nodded. "Which is why you need to take this box back into the attic and forget about it."

"Trust us, Spongebob. It will be for the better." Sandy nodded. "Squidward as a man-baby ain't a perdy sight."

"Well, okay then." Past!Spongebob shrugged. "If it means helping Squidward, I guess it's no big loss."

Gary sighed with relief. Looks like Spongebob would uphold what little dignity he had left.

"Well, Sandy. Looks like we prevented a huge disaster." Future!Sponegbob smiled at his friend.

"Yup, crisis averted." Sandy nodded.

Five days later…..

Squidward, Spongebob, Patrick and Mr. Krabs, all wearing diapers and sporting morbidly swollen heads, were sitting around the table in baby chairs in Spongebob's kitchen, crying loudly.

"Ah'm coming, ah'm comin'…." an exhausted Sandy, wearing her helmet but also a nightgown and hair-curlers, arrived with a cooking pot and gave the four man-babies their supper, finally getting them to stop crying and laugh instead.

Groaning, Sandy said into her wrist watch, "Memo to maahself; start searchin' for a cure for Head-Go-Boom-Boom-itis, immediately."

Laughing, Patrick threw his tray at her and the mashed potatoes splattered all over Sandy's face, making her shudder in annoyance.

"Hello, Ernie, has Bingo Night started already?" Mermaid Man walked in.

"What?" Sandy grew alarmed. "Git back to the basement before they find ya!"

"Find who?" the senile old superhero asked cluelessly, when Barnacle Boy grabbed him.

"You old coot! We're supposed to be hiding!"

"Hide from who?" Mermaid Man asked as he was pulled back.

Sandy rubbed her forehead and continued with her voice memo. "Also, start formin' resistance."

We pan out of the pineapple home to find goblin shark soldiers with manta ray insignias marching in the middle of a dystopian Bikini Bottom, filled with searchlights and half of the buildings being on fire, fighter planes flying across the dark, cloudy sky, and banners everywhere saying "All hail Man Ray".

Talk about a cruel twist ending. I don't know why it is an unspoken rule in cartoons that if you time-travel and change the most minor and insignificant thing possible, it causes your future to be a fascist dystopia.

"Squid Baby" is one of those Spongebob episodes where it's pretty easy to tell that the writers put little to no thought into it, as is evident by the glaring plot hole that's almost a running gag. The laziness is even more explicit when we get to the Krusty Krab segment, where Mr. Krabs has absolutely no reaction to Squidward having suffered a head injury and being unable to fulfill his job, even after Spongebob point-blank tells him what happened, and the old miser just acts like everything is normal. I know Mr. Krabs being a conniving penny pincher who cares little about others is nothing new, but he is supposed to be conniving, not stupid. It's evident the writers couldn't be bothered to actually give him any sort of reasonable reaction to this bizarre situation.

Here, he ain't any more concerned about his worker's well-being, but at least he has the common sense to try and help Spongebob fix the situation (albeit out of pure self-interest) instead of just stupidly putting the mentally-disabled Squidward at the cash register. Ironically, the utter stupidity and lack of logic (or continuity) in the original ended up with Squidward being cured of his head trauma and all's well that ends well. Not so much here. So I guess following logic isn't always the best thing XD