Ch 5- Godmothers and Old Maids

"Good morning Mrs. Hughes." Carson greeted, kissing her shoulder softly.

Elsie giggled. While his intonation sounded very formal his body language was anything but. She smiled deeply turning over to face him. He wrapped his arms around her, and she allowed herself to melt into his strong embrace, kissing him sweetly as the warm, silky sheets enveloped them both.

"Good morning Mr. Carson." She whispered, her Scottish brogue seeming heavier than usual because she was still sleepy.

He smiled, finding her voice adorable and kissed the tip of her nose. Elsie closed her eyes and sighed, never wanting to move from that spot.

"This is my dream come true." He told her.

"Hmmm." She smiled, her eyes still closed.

Elsie thought this was the ultimate way to wake up: in a quiet house instead of the loud, busy servant's quarters, in the softest most spacious bed she'd ever slept in, and best of all, in the strong embrace of her love.

"We live in the open now as husband and wife." He reminded, nuzzling her. "We share a bed and a home…and everyone knows it."

"I feel honest now, I don't know about you."

"I feel as if I've made you honest."

"Hmmm, no you did that eighteen years ago. You did that the first night you kissed me when we snuck off and you made me your wife. No Charlie, you were always honorable. It was us together who wasn't honest with everyone else."

A couple of months had passed and it was Christmas time. It was a busy time of the year at Downton but the couple had decided to take the morning off and spend it at home together. It had snowed heavily the night before and neither of them wanted to make the journey to the house just yet. Elsie smiled, feeling her small feet intertwine with his much larger ones. It'd been more than two months since they moved into the house but the newfound freedom to be with her husband whenever she liked was still surreal and neither was used to it yet.

"How's our baby?" He asked suddenly.

"Oh? Doing somersaults still. Can't you feel?" She asked, surprised because her stomach was pressed up against his.

"No. And I'm so sorry."

"No, no. It feels nice. Here. Feel him. I'm half asleep, but he's wide awake."

"It's a him all of a sudden?" He laughed, his hand caressing her stomach.

"He could be a boy. I wouldn't be at all opposed to having a little boy."

"Just as long as you are his mother and I his father, I don't particularly care either." Without another word he leaned in to kiss her.

Both of them actually thought a lot about this question but didn't talk about it. They figured there was no point in making a choice given that it was something completely out of their control. Elsie had wanted a baby forever and planned on adoring whatever child she happened to be blessed with having. She'd gone back and forth several times though; sometimes having a gut feeling it was a girl, and then changing it back to boy on a whim. Carson knew he'd love whatever child she gave him, but he really wished for a daughter. He thought it was his heart's greatest desire but he didn't dwell on it much. How could he? You don't when you're playing with the things you want most in the world…

Mrs. Patmore however, made not thinking about it difficult for them both. Months before, Carson had solicited the cook to help him watch over his wife. He had only wanted an extra pair of eyes to make sure she wasn't working too hard, assist her if she needed a rest and of course: cater to her food cravings. But Beryl, being the excitable person she could sometimes be, doted on Elsie for the benefit of the unborn baby whom she enthusiastically insisted was a girl.

"You don't know that Mrs. Patmore." He'd heard Elsie protest the day before as he passed by the kitchen.

"Well sure I do, just look at yarself!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" She'd asked, digging into the bowl of fruit and chocolate that Beryl put down in front of her.

Elsie had, had an insatiable taste for fruit as of late and being that it was almost winter now, it was getting more and more difficult to come by.

"Well let's see." Mrs. Patmore began. "You only crave sweets and fruit."

"And your point being?" Elsie asked as she ate. "Pregnant women crave all sorts of strange foods."

Daisy peered over and looked into Elsie's bowl as she said this, finding her snack of strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and chocolate very odd. Today it would seem like a very sweet, somewhat healthy snack, but back in 1914 it was strange at best.

"Your hair's redder than it was." Beryl continued.

"I've always had red in my hair." She defended.
"You're becoming very round."

"E-I'm pregnant I'm supposed to get…round!" She addressed sharply.

"And then here's that."

"What?" She was exasperated now.

"You're being quite difficult now aren't you?"

"What?!"

"Moody. Moody, moody even since the beginning of the summer. You've got all the signs and that's how you know."

"All the signs for what?"

"Don't you see? Those are the girl signs."

Elsie rolled her eyes, very annoyed with the cook. She'd been trying to prove this to her everyday for over a month now, since she'd first allowed her to test out one of the old wives tales about gender prediction, foolishly figuring it could do no harm.

"They're just old wives tales Mrs. Patmore, they don't…"

"They've worked for everyone I've ever known." She defended. "And they'll work for you too."

Carson wished Beryl wouldn't go on trying to convince Elsie of anything she didn't want to be convinced of. It stressed her and that was the last thing he wanted. Moreover, he knew it made her angry. Elsie was excited about not knowing what to expect, and anticipated finding out when the baby was born and not a moment sooner.

And more than even that, there was himself to consider. He wanted a daughter, after all, but didn't want all of Mrs. Patmore's ideas to get his hopes up. At the same time, he couldn't help but allow himself to smile when he heard of all Beryl's reasonings. They were all true observations of his wife if nothing else, and part of him liked to think she might be right in the fact that they were indicative of expecting a girl.

"We have to choose a godmother." Elsie said, calling him back to the present moment. She shut her eyes and curled up to him once more. She was bone tired.

"I'm still fine with what we decided." He informed. "But I think Mrs. Patmore will be quite upset."

Elsie sighed. "I know. I don't want to upset her and I would trust her with the baby in a heartbeat but…the whole point was for it to be someone younger than us and Beryl's older than me so…"

"Anna is a wonderful choice. I just feel like it's too big a responsibility…"

"No." She laughed. "No Anna's got her head on straight. I'd want her to raise our baby if something happened to us. Besides; if I die she gets my job, why not my child too?"

"Don't speak of such things!"

"I had to address it, love." She reminded, kissing his cheek. "Hmmm why is he so active when his Mummy wants to nap?" She groaned.

…

"Are you sure this is something you really want to do?" Cora asked her youngest daughter, a hint of panic in her voice.

"Yes Mama." Sybil laughed kindly. "I'll only be gone for two weeks, I'll be back in time for Christmas and everything."

"I don't know. I still don't like the idea of your doing this." Cora admitted. "Isn't there something else you could do to be of help?"

"Oh let her go, one of us has to leave the nest sometime." Mary snapped, rolling her eyes. Cora stared back for a moment, her oldest child's frustration with her own life obvious in the comment.

"And besides." Edith added. "She's doing something wonderful."

Cora took a breath, raising her eyebrow in guarded skepticism.

"Mary, Edith could you leave Sybil and I alone for a moment?"

Her oldest two filed out of the room, leaving Cora to argue her case. Edith said nothing but Mary mumbled muffled protests to herself that Cora couldn't quite make out.

"I'm going whatever you say." Sybil reminded, smiling.

Cora sighed. She was torn as she could tell her daughter was clearly excited about her adventure. "I-I know you are. I just…I want to be sure this is the right path for you that's all. You do know the rather…grim realities of what you're getting into, right?"

"Of course! Cousin Isobel talked with me about all of it. I'm really interested and committed…really Mama, truly!"

Cora smiled half-heartedly, noting her daughter's eyes light up at the mention of the work she was going off to learn to do.

"Alright." She sighed. "But please, there's no shame in coming home if it proves to be…not your cup of tea."

"It won't but thank you!" Sybil leaned down to hug her pregnant mother. "It means so much to have your approval…although I'd do it without it."

Cora laughed as she hugged her and kissed her cheek.

"I know. Oh look at you, my first baby to leave the nest."

Sybil laughed, going back to her open suitcase.

"I'm not a baby Mama, but she is." All the girls were convinced they were getting a sister, but Cora thought otherwise. "Think about her and don't worry about me. I'll be just fine." Sybil reassured, but Cora's heart sunk.

…

Elsie often felt her worst during the day when she was at Downton. Supervising the maids was perhaps the hardest part of her day because it required her to be quick on her feet, which she was not. It was always during these moments that she most felt all the distinct changes that had happened within her over the past few months. Everything from her swollen feet to the weight of the baby inside her taxed her body and her spirit. Fortunately this morning she was able to give the task over to Anna and instead go meet with Lady Grantham.

"Morning m'lady." She said, stepping into the sitting room. She didn't call her Cora only because William was there.

"Good morning Mrs. Carson." She smiled, but Elsie could tell something was troubling her. "How are you today?"

"Oh truthfully a bit tired, m'lady."

"William?" Cora asked. "Could you please bring Mrs. Carson and I some tea and those chocolate truffles I asked Mrs. Patmore to make."

"Yes m'lady."

The moment William left, Elsie went and sat down next to her.

"I'm exhausted too." Cora told her.

"Cora…" Elsie still wasn't used to addressing her this way, or speaking to her casually. "You seem upset, may I ask what's wrong?"

"Its Lady Sybil's leaving, you see."

"Oh." She understood.

"Thank you William." Cora said, surprised he was back with the tray so suddenly. "Please let us know when the nanny we're interviewing arrives."

"Yes m'lady." He said, leaving the room.

"I'm just… I don't like the idea of her doing this nursing thing, or of her leaving… I mean if it were Mary or Edith maybe I'd be more comfortable. But Sybil's my baby!"

"I was about her age when I left Argyle on my own for the first time."

Cora had been pouring the tea, her head snapped up and she looked straight back at Elsie.

"R-really?"

"Yes, I may've been a little younger than her even."

"Oh Elsie I'm sorry."

"I'm not. I needed to get out of there. There was nothing for me there and I was not the type to marry a farmer and have nine children." She laughed, rubbing her stomach softly. This struck a chord with Cora; she felt the same about leaving America.

At one time, Elsie and Charlie had wanted five or six children of their own…while that was a far, far cry from nine, both of them now realized that having just one was ideal for them and always would've been, certainly that couldn't have been her lot had she been a farmer's wife in Argyle.

"No, I can't see you that way." Cora conceded, wondering for a moment if something similar was true of Sybil.

Perhaps she was not met for the life she'd been raised for? It was plain to see that Mary lived for it in every conceivable way. But suddenly, Cora began to wonder if she could see Sybil, who was so independent and vivacious and forward thinking, ('so American' she thought for a second), living in this environment for the rest of her life… truly she could not.

"My Mother was upset as well, but it was for the best. She later came to understand that, especially after I came here and did well, and married Mr. Carson: she loved him."

"That does make me feel better Elsie, thank you."

Truthfully, Cora was still upset even though she knew that there was little or no logical basis for her angst. Deep inside, she understood that Sybil was intended for a different type of life. But it still didn't change the fact that she was going to be her first child to leave the nest, and in a way she'd never expected. She'd been told the war would change everything and while she'd believed it, she hadn't understood how much that was true before now.

"At least she's not a boy." Elsie observed suddenly. "Then you'd have a real reason to worry."

In that instant, the baby kicked and Cora gulped.

….

Matthew didn't really understand why it was he'd agreed to take a walk with Mary. It was freezing outside and he was due to leave for battle any day now. Mary had crushed him and in a way he'd rather be anywhere on earth but there with her. At the same time, he found she drew him in and he couldn't run away from her if his life depended on it. She'd left him hanging all this time. He'd proposed months ago and he'd yet to get an answer. While he still loved her, he was disgusted with her and felt determined to pry himself away, perhaps permanently.

She, on the other hand, was torn between the possibility of two different kinds of life and terribly confused. On one hand, she feared loosing him, on the other; she feared loosing the kind of life she was accustomed to. Before Matthew it'd been the most important thing in the world to her and now she didn't know what to think of herself or of anything else. She could barely fathom that she was considering being with him whether he was rich or not.

Worst of all, she wondered if she could love anyone but him. She thought perhaps he'd ruined her for other men and she was destined to be an old maid if he didn't take her back. These thoughts were very uncharacteristic of her and extremely unsettling in a way she was having a hard time dealing with and could not confess to anyone.

"I can't believe you're leaving." She said, more than a hint of sadness in her voice.

"You seem awfully melancholy over it, more than I expected." He laughed.

"Melancholy! Matthew I'm horrified!" She said, tears in her eyes. He stared back surprised, this was certainly more emotion than he'd expected from her.

"Melancholy, that's the word I'd use."

"No!"

"Melancholy because it indicates a little less commitment to your sadness doesn't it?" He said, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Matthew I'm devastated it's not supposed to be this way!"

"No." He retorted. "No it's not supposed to be this way; now is it?!"

Mary turned away from him as she continued to cry.

"It was a simple yes or no Mary!"

"But I keep telling you it's not that simple!"

Matthew sighed, deciding to do his best to retain his composure. "I'm secure in who I am Mary, with or without your mother's money and your father's title…are you?"

"Excuse me?" His question was like a punch in the gut and she couldn't believe he'd even asked it.

"Are you anyone without that?"

"H-how…what?!"

"That's what I thought." He laughed and turned, beginning to walk away.

"Wait!" She called.

"You either love me or you don't. That's all there is to it."

"Of course I love you! I love you no matter what you have or who you are! Please believe that!"

"I would but I don't know what to make of your actions Mary, there's only one thing I can think of that…"

"It's not that! Please I just need some more time."

"Seven months that wasn't time enough?!"

Mary started to weep and he sighed taking her into his arms, hugging her tightly.

"I love you Matthew! Please believe me! You have to believe me!"

"Oh Mary." He said softly, taking her face into his hands. "I love you so very much…but you keep telling me you don't want me." He whispered, their faces touching now.

"No, no, no I could never want anyone but you!"

"That maybe. But I think you could have someone other than me…" Mary was about to protest but he continued. "I have two conditions. I'm leaving in a couple of days, but I'll be back around the time the baby is expected…I want my answer by then."

"Oh yes, yes." She cried, clinging to his hands now as they held her face.

"But there's a catch…"

"I knew there had to be."

"I'm challenging you to find yourself. Who are you beyond Downton Abbey?" He smiled, seeing the horror in her eyes when he asked this. "And moreover, if you say yes after the baby arrives and she's a girl then I can not marry you…but if you wait and it's a boy then I'll love you forever."

…

"Are you ready to leave my love?" Carson asked, getting out his wife's coat.

"Oh yes, I am, quite…Charlie you think we better do it now?" She asked suddenly, gesturing toward Mrs. Patmore who was still in the kitchen.

"Yes. Now's a good of a time as any."

Carson and Elsie had asked Anna to be the baby's godmother hours earlier, telling her they wanted her to raise their child if something happened to them. The younger woman had been flattered and delightfully accepted. But the couple still felt bad about Mrs. Patmore because she'd been their friend for so long and was so excited about the baby. Over the course of the day, they'd come to the decision that the baby could have two godmothers: Anna could raise the baby in the event of their death and be a kind of big sister to it. Mrs. Patmore would play the part of a loving aunt figure, which she no doubt planned on doing anyway.

"Goodnight Mrs. Patmore." Elsie said as they came into the kitchen, still buttoning their coats.

"Goodnight, are you going to be warm enough out there it started to snow again…"

"Oh yes. But we did have something we wanted to ask you about." Elsie added.

"Oh?" She smiled.

"Yes." Carson began, wrapping a thick wool blanket around his wife's shoulders. He didn't think her coat was warm enough no matter what she said. "You see earlier in the day, we asked Anna to be the baby's godmother."

"Oh…" They knew in an instant she was upset.

"And a lot of babies, they have a godmother and a godfather but we decided that instead of trying to find a godfather when we didn't really have anyone in mind well why not two godmothers?" Carson explained.

"And that's why we'd be honored if you would the baby's godmother also." Elsie finished..

Beryl paused for a moment seeming to consider this and they worried that she was hurt she'd been asked second.

"Really? I'd love too!" She burst as she started to cry.

"Mrs. Patmore there's no reason to cry." Elsie soothed, pulling her into a hug.

"Oh yes there is! You have no idea how happy I am about this! I'm so excited about the baby and I didn't think that…"

"Of course we'd include you Mrs. Patmore." Carson smiled warmly. "You're like family to us now."

"Yes you are. And we appreciate how much you care, and how much you've done for us in helping us prepare to have the baby. In fact I think so far we couldn't have done it without you."

It was true: Mrs. Patmore had done a lot to help them both. She was making baby clothes because Elsie did not have the time. She was fretting over her working too much. She and Daisy were planning on being with Elsie when she had the baby. And in addition to that, she'd secretly helped Carson with a number of things, not including watching over Elsie as he'd asked.

"We couldn't imagine anyone being the kind of godmother you would be." Elsie continued. "We figured maybe you could be Auntie Beryl or Auntie Patmore."

Mrs. Patmore smiled through her tears, thinking this was lovely. She loved children and hadn't had the opportunity to have her own or spend as much time with her nephews as she would've liked. In a way, she thought of Daisy as her daughter but she was grown and it wasn't the same.

…

After Beryl finally stopped crying, Carson and Elsie finally made their way home in the snow.

"Now that the day is over I have a surprise for you, Mrs. Carson." He said as they walked inside the house.

"Oh?"

It was snowing heavily again and Elise was secretly delighted. It met another winter's morning tucked in a warm bed with the love of her life, instead of a long tiring walk to Downton before dawn.

"Yes. I think you'll love it."

As soon as they took off their coats he grabbed her hand and led her up the narrow staircase to their bedroom. On their way, they passed the tiny bedroom that would be the baby's and Elise lamented that she hadn't had the time to do anything with it yet.

"Now, close your eyes."

"Alright." She agreed, covering her eyes with her hands. He grabbed her arm gently and led her into their room, walking her over to his side of the bed, near the window.

"Now: open. It's the baby's Christmas present."

"Oh Charlie it's beautiful!" She gasped, tears coming to her eyes. "Where did you…"

When she said it was beautiful, Elsie was of course referring to the wooden cradle by their bedside. She was overwhelmed. Even now that she wasn't working nearly as much as she normally would be, she had so much to do that she hadn't had time to make any preparations for the baby, save knitting two blankets, one intended for the potential Charlie, and the other for Charlotte. Obtaining a cradle or was something she'd yet to get to and she'd been worried about it.

"It was mine." He smiled.

"Oh Charlie you remembered!" She squealed. "After all this time."

He laughed. "Yes I did."

"You said." She sniffled. "You told me you'd get me this crib for our baby eighteen years ago and here it is!"

"Yes I did. I got it back from my Aunt who's had it for quite some time now. I've been fixing it up in my spare time… it didn't need much, just some maintenance and a little bit of paint and it's good as new."

It really was. It was old but it was ornate and beautiful. It wasn't lost on her that he'd painted the originally cherry wood crib white, and lined it with pink blankets, yet another sign he was hoping for a girl.

"Charlie it's perfect I love it." She smiled, wiping her eyes.

"You don't need to cry too." He laughed, beginning to dry her tears.

"Oh yes I do." She smiled, hugging him and kissing his nose. "Because you remembered."

"Now that we're living together properly." He said, kissing her gently. "You'll notice that I will make a point to remember everything Mrs. Carson."

"Oh I already know that. You always have."