Ch 9- In An Instant, Part II
February 4, 1915, 2:45AM
"She's a girl!" Beryl exclaimed. "I knew it; she's a little girl!"
"Hello you sweet, perfect little person." Elsie cried, tears streaming down her cheeks as the baby was placed on her chest.
She'd given up a while ago, mentally that was, and allowed her body and Isobel's skill as a midwife to take over. She was exhausted but in total awe of what had just happened. The long ordeal was over and somehow they'd both survived. She had been terrified she'd go through all of that for not and the baby would be stillborn or too small to breathe on her own. She never imagined that instead she'd be such a loud screamer.
"She's a little girl Mrs. Carson and she's just perfect." Isobel confirmed over the baby's tears.
Elsie cried as she said this; beginning to cradle and kiss the infant. Her emotion was all consuming and in the moment she couldn't decide if it was dictated, chiefly, by relief or awe.
"Oh my little baby's so beautiful." Elsie sobbed.
While she'd co-existed with the baby for the past eight months, she could scarcely believe she was there, in her arms and very, very real. The last six hours of pain and agitation hadn't done much to convince her of otherwise and neither did the newborn's screaming.
"She's just wonderful. You both did beautifully." Isobel acknowledged.
"Did we really make it?" Elsie asked through her tears.
"You really made it!" Beryl cried joyfully.
Mrs. Patmore and Daisy were both crying now. The cook pulled her assistant into her arms and kissed the side of her head, acknowledging she was proud of her for having returned.
"You did: now hold your tiny treasure." Isobel urged.
"Oh but to me she's the biggest treasure in the whole of the world." Elsie started crying harder now.
For Elsie the experience of holding and seeing her baby for the first time was like having an almost twenty-year-old pain lifted off her heart. After years of trying for, then longing for a baby there she was, perfect in everyway and she could not believe it.
All four women looked on joyfully at the baby as her cries finally slowed. Isobel was proud and jubilant to be part of something so happy for once. Since the war had begun, she spent most of her days with wounded and dying young men. Delivering a baby had been a very pleasant departure for her; one she could look back on with joy during what she knew would be difficult days ahead. Beryl was overjoyed at the birth of her goddaughter and couldn't wait to hold her for the first time and start spoiling her rotten. Daisy was awed and proud of herself for having come back. She'd withstood it after all and felt like more of a responsible adult than ever before. Most of all, she was happy she hadn't missed it, because it'd been truly miraculous. She also couldn't wait to hold the baby who she didn't yet realize would become a surrogate baby sister of sorts.
Elsie was still in pain, and overwhelmed to the point of speechlessness. All she could do was cry. She studied the child awed by the little bits of Charlie and herself that were already so evident, particularly her little nose and her auburn hair. She couldn't believe the baby was real and so alive, and moreover that she and her beloved were so present in her.
The four women watched carefully as the baby opened her eyes, blinking as they adjusted to the light. Elsie started to cry harder, when she saw her daughter's eyes for the first time. All she saw when she looked into her still cloudy brown eyes was her Charlie and it reminded her of how much he loved her.
"Well hello my Charlotte." Elsie whispered, beginning to cry in awe again when the baby looked directly into her eyes. "I've been waiting to meet you for a very long time."
The baby girl blinked, trying hard to focus as she flashed her brown eyes back at her mother. Elsie broke down crying again and began to kiss the child's head, whispering to her:
"Oh my Charlotte, I love you so much more than you'll ever, ever understand."
One day, Daisy would tell Charlotte all about her birth and that her mother's eyes were the first thing she ever saw.
…
"Carson." Isobel called. He looked up suddenly his heart starting to pound when he realized the time had finally come. "Your wife and baby would like to see you now." She smiled, holding the door open for him. "I promise." She whispered. "After you hold the baby, you'll never see anything the same way again."
He gulped and made his way inside, part of him reluctant, the other desperate to see them.
"Hello my Charlie." Elsie beamed.
"Elsie."
He sighed with relief, seeing her in such good spirits. He'd not been able to get the sound of her screaming out of his mind, it had been painful and maddening for him. Now he felt relief…. among other things. She looked radiant as she sat up in bed, holding a tiny bundle he could not take his eyes off of.
Elsie looked down at the baby and smiled, taking its tiny hand in her own.
"M-may I come in?" Carson stuttered.
"Come and sit with your wife and bairn we've been waiting for you."
His breath caught in his throat and he began to walk toward them. In that moment, the baby in her arms started to fuss.
"Shuuuu... now don't cry! Someone's here to meet you! Your Daddy's here to meet you my sweetheart."
Without a word, Carson climbed onto the edge of his wife's bed, sitting with her and looking into the baby's face. He was awed in an instant at the sight of the newborn and froze, barely believing the baby before him was his child.
"Charlotte Elspeth Carson." Elsie began, starting to cry. "This is your Daddy, can you say hello?" She asked, biting her lip as her husband began to cry.
"She's a girl!" He asked joyfully.
"Yes Daddy, you get to have your little girl."
"Elsie she's so beautiful! She looks just like you."
"No she doesn't."
"But she does. She looks just like her beautiful mother."
The baby yawned and blinked, trying to squint up at him and he looked down at her totally in awe, readily seeing both his wife and himself in her tiny face. At first it stuck out to him that she had his eyes and a bit of his smile (not that she smiled much yet), Elsie's nose, cheeks and more than anything else her hair.
"Would you like to hold her?"
"M-yes!" He was shaken up and about to ask if she really meant him and then instead quickly accepted. The baby fussed as Elsie placed her into his arms. His heart flipped the moment he took her in his embrace.
"Hello Charlotte, I'm your Daddy." He whispered, tears in his eyes still as he kissed her forehead. "I'm so glad to meet you, my beautiful little girl." He beamed, beginning to cry harder now.
Carson was in awe of the tiny person that fit squarely in his two mammoth hands. He'd waited so long to be a father and wanted it so much. Now that it had happened it felt more amazing than he ever could've imagined. Charlotte yawned again and looked up at him, her eyes clear but he noted she was too little to focus on him. He smiled deeply as he just observed her, his heart quickly melting at the mere sight of her, at the fact that she was real and in his arms. His love for her was instant and it wasn't lost on him that she had the power to wrap him around her bitty fingers without even trying.
Elsie watched as her husband cradled their long awaited newborn baby, tears in his eyes. She was proud and her heart full of love. Something inside her told her she could finally rest in this moment: after years of wondering and worrying she'd given her beloved husband a child, the girl he'd always wanted.
"I love you so much my sweet beautiful man." She whispered. He turned to her, smiling brightly as they both cried.
"I love you so completely Mrs. Hughes." He teased.
"It's Mrs. Carson and don't you forget it." She teased back, leaning in to kiss him.
The couple kissed deeply. He reached up with his free hand to run his fingers through her hair. When they broke apart he brushed the line of her jaw with his fingers and rested his forehead against hers.
"I'm so proud of you my brave girl."
"Charlie I don't know…."
"You're the bravest woman I've ever known." He reiterated. "Charlotte don't you think Mummy is brave?" She beamed when he asked this. "Look at that nose, oh Elsie look at that tiny nose." He laughed.
"It's your nose." She giggled.
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is my love. And your eyes."
"Its your nose." He disagreed. "And I have no idea where this hair came from…" He said of the baby's little bit of auburn hair. The child's was a tiny bit more red colored than her mother's but it was still obvious where she'd gotten it.
"I'm so happy to know for sure that we make a beautiful baby together."
"Oh I knew we would…and look at you, look at you whose going to be a Daddy's little girl." Elsie teased, taking the baby's hand even as her husband held her. Elsie leaned down and kissed the infant's fist.
"Here would you like her to be a Mummy's girl?" He asked, she nodded quickly and he helped place her back in his tired wife's arms.
Elsie smiled looking down at the baby. The newborn girl dozed now, seeming to drift in and out of sleep every few moments.
"Charlotte it's Mummy." Elsie whispered. "Did ya know that sweet girl, it's your Mummy."
Charlotte blinked, staring back up at her, feeling overwhelmed by the bright light that shone above but still comforted by her mother's familiar voice. She already knew it by heart and it was normal to her. The baby looked back up at her mother, a quizzical look painted on her tiny face.
"Oh! You see that look, you see that look." Elsie whispered excitedly, running her finger along her newborn's cheek. "That's your Daddy right there if I ever saw him! You're so lovely my girl." She observed. "Look at you! Look at you sweet baby brown eyes. Look at you! Mummy is so proud of you and you're full of surprises aren't you? Looking so much like Mummy and Daddy; and coming so suddenly. You're such a strong girl bein' born so early... Charlie what's wrong?" She asked, beginning to panic when she saw him begin crying again.
"Thank the Lord God you're alive and you're finally here." Carson began. Elsie understood his double meaning and began to cry too.
"Our Charlotte we waited for you for so long and you'll never understand how much we love you, our sweet, beautiful bairn."
"We promise you, you are our whole world. You matter more to us than anything ever could and we'll do everything we can to love you and protect you all our days." Carson whispered.
Both of them leaned down at the same time to kiss their baby on opposite sides of her head. Charlotte blinked in that moment; but closed her eyes again. She was soothed by her parent's touch and the familiar sound of their voices. They didn't fully realize that while she was tiny and didn't know where she was, or even who she was, she was already bonded to them and understood that she was loved.
Elsie yawned. She was happy but sore and exhausted.
"Do you want me to go soon?" He asked, kissing her forehead. "You should rest."
"No my Charlie, please stay the night with us." She requested and he smiled.
"I wouldn't have it any other way. I've been waiting for years to stay with my girls." He beamed, resting his forehead against hers as they looked down their newborn daughter.
"Well, actually it's more than just your girls."
"W-what?"
In that moment, Isobel came back in another bundle in her arms, she'd been listening from the hall and waiting for Elsie's signal.
"W-what's this?"
"It's your wee boy." Elsie bit her lip, trying to hold back tears.
"M-my what?" He asked as Isobel handed him the bundle she carried. It lifted a pain off of the nurses' heart to hand a boy to his father rather than to tell him he'd been taken away forever.
"It's your son." Isobel added.
Carson was in awe and said nothing as he stared down at the newborn boy in his arms, simply beginning to cry again.
"W-we get two? Do we really get to have two?" He asked, overwhelmed. He thought he was about to go into shock.
"My Charlie, meet Charlie Carson Jr."
He'd wanted his little girl so much, but he couldn't help but feel complete joy and a surge of pride in the mere presence of his baby boy. Carson smiled, leaning his forehead against the tiny baby's and kissing his very bitty nose.
"A-a boy and…" He was overwhelmed.
"A wee lad and a wee lass." Elsie finished; having already decided this is what she'd nickname the twins. Isobel left quietly, closing the doors behind her.
"T-tw…we had…my love I already thought you were brave before I knew you had twins."
"I had twins Charlie, and look at him isn't he the most handsome boy? Doesn't he look just like his Daddy?" She soothed.
Carson stared down at his brand new son, tears in his eyes. The boy shared his mother and sister's hair and without a doubt his eyes and nose. Whatever the case was, Carson could feel his own essence in the child and it awed him beyond reason. He'd never expected to have a son, let alone, to feel his own presence, or that of his love, in him.
If these children were anything, they were full of them.
"My father, he didn't love me. I really don't think so anyhow." Carson confessed, noting he was shaking.
The enormity in this statement hit him suddenly as he held his own son. It'd never been so painful as it was in that moment. He hadn't told Elsie that he'd been afraid to father a boy for this reason, but now that he was there, Carson found himself hooked instantly and he knew his infant son met the world to him.
"But you." He continued. "Charlie Carson, you are going to be so loved my son every day your father and mother have breath."
Elsie started to cry yet again, cradling her daughter as she watched her husband do the same with their son.
"I can't believe they're really here." She said quietly.
"Neither can I. Do you know what they mean?"
"Hmmm what my love?" She asked, looking back down into Charlotte's eyes.
"That my love for your and yours for me will live on long after we're gone."
"That's the most beautiful thing ever my love." She smiled, tears coming to her eyes as he leaned in to kiss her.
In that moment they heard a loud scream followed by the sound of a baby crying.
…..
Lord Grantham, who'd been downstairs in the library waiting by alone for the past hour, looked up hopefully and sighed with relief at the sound of the baby's tears. He'd been sure the first child he heard cry was his and Carson had felt the same. Robert had been so disappointed when Isobel had come down and told Carson his baby had been born, giving him no news on his own wife or child. Even so, he'd congratulated his friend and told him that he and his wife could stay in the room where she'd given birth and recover for as long as they like.
Robert found his time in the library unbearable without Carson's presence. The butler's nervousness and enthusiasm had kept his attention away from the sad reality that his own wife seemed to be suffering a great deal. Robert knew he could never say it out loud but it wasn't lost on him that Carson had been sitting there worried for his baby's health, and here he was secretly scared to death that his wife would not make it. He knew something was wrong and they were all hiding it from him. In a way he did not want to know what it was, not if it could be sorted out and forgotten: the outcome he most wanted. Now that a baby had clearly been born, he was hopeful.
"Do you suppose they're alright?" He inquired, seeing William come into the room out of the corner of his eye.
"I…I heard a baby cry, m'lord."
William was nervous. He'd overheard that Cora's baby was breech when he was upstairs and Lady Mary had sworn him not to say a word to her father. He didn't feel right about keeping such a secret, and moreover, like Robert he didn't appreciate medical detail and didn't want to know about it in the first place.
"Yes." Robert hesitated.
He looked up, still hearing the baby's tears. They echoed loudly throughout the house, and like the first baby, it sounded like it would be enough to wake the dead. He'd forgotten they could be so loud. Robert picked up his glass and took the last bit of his drink before getting up, deciding that he would go and try to talk to someone about what was going on.
"Papa." Came a voice and he turned to see Edith standing there.
He sighed with relief seeing instantly that she was happy. He knew right away it met that her mother was well, and he hoped it met another Crawley sister had been born.
"Hello my darling girl." He smiled.
"It's over now, you can come up if you'd like." She offered.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world."
Robert found himself oddly overwhelmed as he followed his middle daughter up the stairs. He didn't know if it was due to his relief that his wife was alive, or because he was on the verge of being drunk. Whatever it was he didn't think he'd experienced this sensation in a long time, not since Mary had been born.
In truth, Robert went through something like this every time he'd become a father. Only, this time he didn't realize he could sense something profoundly different in the air and in the body language of everyone around him.
"Congratulations Papa." Sybil smiled, kissing his cheek as she came out of the bedroom.
The young nurse was excited and rather attached to her new baby sibling. At first she'd refused to leave, but had done so at her mother's insistence.
Robert was about to thank his daughter and ask why everyone was there except Mary but they didn't give him the chance. Edith and Sybil pushed their slightly intoxicated father into his bedroom and shut the door behind him.
"Cora." He smiled instantly at the sight of her. She was clearly exhausted and covered in sweat but she was smiling and very much alive. "You're alright!" He beamed.
For the majority of the night, that was all he'd cared about. He couldn't imagine life without her and didn't want to for anything in the world. He'd even quietly prayed that when the time did come, he would go first.
"Oh darling I'm wonderful." She smiled, touched that she was his first concern.
"W-who is that?" He asked a little bit nervously.
"It's your son." Cora smiled.
"M-my what?" He'd sincerely expected a fourth daughter.
"Your little boy." She confirmed happily.
"I have…" He was overwhelmed.
"Baby Benjamin." She said as he sat next to her, his eyes growing warmer as he looked down at the baby.
"A boy." He smiled, tears coming to his eyes.
"A perfect boy." Cora rocked the baby.
"W-we have a son?" In that instant, Robert understood where Mary had gone and assumed that she must be devastated.
"Benjamin Crawley, heir of Downton." She giggled.
Cora was exhausted, more so than Elsie Carson could ever dream of being, and was glad to have finally done what she was supposed to do (at least that was how her late father-in-law had phrased it) by giving Robert a son.
"He's beautiful." He said, starting to sob.
He'd never really expected a boy, not in his wildest dreams and now that he was there he couldn't even think of Matthew or Mary or any of the drama she'd been causing about loosing her probable status as the future Lady Grantham. Instead, his heart and mind were fixated solely on years of desperate longing for a son and heir.
He couldn't believe it had finally come to pass and the longings had been fulfilled in one sweet little boy who dozed peacefully in his mother's arms.
"He's beautiful." Robert cried. "And he looks just like Sybil." He laughed. Neither realized yet that he not only looked very much like his big sister but was her kindred spirit and always would be.
"He's a dream come true." She reflected.
Unlike her husband, Carson and Elsie, Cora did not cry. She was far too tired and had known confidently for months that her baby was a boy. She was not surprised or overwhelmed in the sense anyone else was, only grateful that she and her son would live when she knew they probably should've both succumbed to her hard labor hours before.
While not overly emotional like the rest of them, Cora had resolved to spend more time with Benjamin when he was little than she had with her other children. After all they'd suffered an hour a day wasn't enough time to share with him.
"My Cora are you really…" He asked again and she cut him off.
"I'm fine. I'm just fine." She assured.
"What…what happened?" He gulped, he'd promised himself he wouldn't ask and Cora was more than surprised that he did.
"Would you like to hold him?" She asked, deciding she'd explain it some other time. He understood immediately that he would rather not know and dropped the subject.
"I-I'd love nothing more than that."
The baby fussed and opened his eyes as his mother moved him to his father's arms. Being only minutes old, he was sleepy and still had his eyes shut tightly. Robert laughed through his tears, marveling over his beautiful little son, awed at the thought that in just an instant, life could change forever in a way you've always longed for, even years after you'd given up all hope.