Ch 20- November 1918, Part II

The Next Night

"Good night Charlie, mummy's sweet boy." Elsie whispered, a tear trickling down her cheek and on to her son's head. She bit her lip, leaning over her son as she ran his fingers through his hair.

"Hmmm." He mumbled, settling down into the covers. "MamaIwannagohome." He said at once, jumbling his words together.

"I promise we will very soon my lad, but because sister isn't feeling well we'll stay here for the night… again."

Elsie had barely been off her feet since last night. The whole house was at a standstill: everyone was sick it seemed. Cora had fallen ill first, followed by Miss Swire, several of the maids, the nanny, Benjamin and finally, her own precious baby Charlotte.

"Hmmm." He mumbled. Elise smiled, running her fingers through the boy's auburn-red hair as she kissed his cheek.

"Good night baby boy. Thank the Lord you are well. Mummy will see you in the morning."

Elsie shut her sleepy toddler son in Mrs. Patmore's room, knowing that she'd soon be there to look after him. He was sleeping with her while his sister was sick. Elsie didn't want him around his sister or his friend...or anyone else who was ill. Somehow, he was well and she wanted to keep it that way. The cook was also somewhat isolated: the last thing anyone wanted after all was a sick cook. Charlotte was hulled up and deathly ill in the family's Downton quarters (Elsie's old room).

'Don't think that way lass.' She whispered to herself as she walked down the hall, wiping her eyes dry of the tears that kept pooling in them.

Elsie couldn't help but repeatedly think that if Charlotte had to die, she had to do everything she could to hold on to Charlie and shelter him from becoming sick. And then there was the new baby to consider… Elsie had been so busy over the last day she hadn't even considered the unborn she and Charlie were only speculating about. Still, Elsie felt badly that she hadn't done much to consider what the baby might need in the past few days, but was happy that he or she was nestled deep inside her and at least, safe from the flu.

Elsie cringed, hearing Charlotte's frantic sobs grow louder with each step she made toward their room, her cries punctuated by tiny but forceful coughs. She could barely stand to hear it. It ripped her heart out and scared her so badly she felt like she was going to be sick. She paused, covering her mouth as she started to cry, unable to hear her baby in such pain.

"Please not my baby Charlotte, please God." She'd whispered a prayer. It was only the millionth she'd whispered that day. She'd prayed so much in the last day or so she didn't know if she'd ever prayed that much in her life: not at one time.

Elsie was overburdened, exhausted, and scared. She wiped her eyes one last time, taking a deep breath as she clutched doorway of their room, making herself known to her husband.

"Shuuu Charlotte, Daddy's here and he's got you!" Carson soothed, rocking the desperately ill but barely present toddler who cried hysterically into his arms. "Shhuu Charlotte Elspeth it's going to be alright." He whispered. "It's alright."

Carson looked up at his wife, tears in his own eyes as he held their firstborn close. Charlotte continued sobbing and thrashing in his arms, ignoring her father's gentle pleas for her to stop crying. Both knew it was because she was scared, and delirious, barely even present with them, the idea terrified them both.

"No it's not time to cry, no, no, you're going to be just fine." He soothed. "You're going to be just fine." He promised, swallowing nervously as he looked straight into Elsie's eyes.

Elsie stood in the doorway, clutching it as she watched her husband try to comfort their miserable little girl. She looked away when he said this, not wanting him to have to make that promise to her.

"Charlotte Elspeth Carson, my miracle of a little girl, everything will be just fine." He whispered. "Daddy's got you."

Elsie's breath caught in her throat when she heard the desperation in her husband's voice. She knew he was worried, but was he really as worried as she? She wished fear was what she'd felt in that moment. There'd be some hope in the idea that she was fearful. All she felt now was dread. Charlotte moaned and started to cry once again when he said this. Elsie finally mustered the courage to reenter the room, where she'd been for most of the last day. She soaked a cloth in a bowl of cold water they kept by the bed and put it on the girl's forehead, knowing nothing would ever improve if they didn't break her fever.

"Charlotte, Mummy's here." She whispered, obviously crying now. "Mummy's here and she's going to help make everything all better my love."

The girl moaned and quit her thrashing and crying. Carson and Elsie paused, wondering what this met and then after a second or so, Charlotte began to shiver.

…..

"I want him taken out of here." Lord Grantham assessed.

O'Brien was listening from her place next to Cora. She held a damp cloth over the gravely ill Lady's head, watching as she moaned and tossed. The little boy lay next to her, sound asleep and in much better physical condition than her. O'Brien understood instantly why his father didn't want him there. Mother and son had started out in the same bed together, simply not feeling well but while Cora had gotten significantly worse, Ben's illness seemed to have plateaued.

"But Papa where do you want us to put him?" Sybil asked.

She'd postponed leaving with Tom until everyone had recovered from the flu and had resumed her work as a nurse in the house while everyone was ill. Tension over her decision would still be high if they weren't in such a dire situation.

Ben was half-conscious but enjoyed hearing his sister's voice, knowing somehow that soon the sound would only be a memory. Cora felt much the same way but was too ill to even think about it. She tried her best to reach out and take O'Brian's hand but found she lacked the strength to do even that.

Robert paused, staring back at his wife, shame piercing his heart. It'd just been last night that he'd kissed Jane, the maid. And now his wife and son lay before him, deathly ill. He felt somehow that his sin had brought this on his son in particular, as he'd fallen ill just minutes after the kiss having shown no signs of sickness before that. Lord Grantham felt unspeakably guilty about the whole thing and was panicked deep inside.

"Put him in my dressing room. He's ill but he'll sleep with me. I will care for him."

"You?" Mary asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Me."

…..

After the shaking had stopped, Charlotte became catatonic. They knew she'd been out of it, but her current state came on suddenly. The crying stopped and was replaced by moaning and coughing. The sudden transition alarmed Elsie so soundly she burst into uncontrollable sobs. Her husband sat by her side, rubbing her back for a moment before leaving to find Dr. Clarkson. She hadn't wanted to be left alone with the child in her state but he had convinced her he needed to go and find the doctor right away.

Elsie sat alone by her child's bedside crying hysterically, wondering if she was half dead. This was a nightmare for them both: to watch their happy, energetic little girl deteriorate so rapidly. Elsie would never have words to describe the sheer panic she felt in those moments. All she knew was that she couldn't bear to loose the tiny, precious child she loved so much. She didn't know what she'd do if she did. It was a deep attachment: mother and daughter adored each other in a way they adored no one else. She didn't favor her daughter over her son by any means, but she and Charlotte were connected at the soul.

"Mummy loves you so much Charlotte, more than the whole world." She sobbed, running her fingers through the child's sweat soaked hair. "Please be strong my lass you're such a brave strong girl!"

She wanted to take in every moment she could with her little one in case it was the end. The whole thing reminded her of how she'd felt when Charlotte was born a month earlier than she was supposed to have been and Elsie spent her labor assuming she'd bare a stillborn child, not too healthy twin babies. Charlotte was quite alive even now and while the though should've encouraged Elsie it really just broke her heart more.

"Mummy waited so long to have you, to hold you, to love you, my little lass." She sobbed. "She's here with you." Elsie's voice cracked. "She loves you, loves you, loves you more than she can even say and has the most perfect little dreams for you: for a life that's happy and well-lived." Elsie paused, her own words causing her to cry harder.

'She struggles because she's strong.' Charlie had reminded before he went downstairs. She hoped it was true.

"Oh my Charlotte. I pray all the strength in the world come down on your little body to help you fight. I know your soul doesn't need it."

Charlotte went into another coughing fit and began to moan in that moment.

"Come on lass, stay with me, stay with mummy's voice, come on my sweet girl, please, please stay with me my baby."

…

By the time the next morning rolled around, things had changed drastically. Charlotte was alive, but still very ill. Clarkson had come to see the child and told her parents she would likely survive…if she made it though the night. That comment, no doubt, had caused Elsie to become completely hysterical. After that, her husband admitted he did not feel well either. In the middle of the night, Charlotte's fever broke and Carson admitted he didn't feel well either. Elsie tucked him in bed alongside their exhausted, but now sleeping little girl and cared for him the remainder of the night, sleeping in a chair next to the bed.

Nine o'clock the next morning rolled around quickly. Elsie found she was exhausted and realized she hadn't truly slept in days. Nonetheless, with a house full of sickness, and her being one of the few well people, there was a lot she had to do. After settling her daughter and husband in bed she went downstairs to the kitchen where she saw her little boy playing on the floor with his toys.

She greeted him good morning, kissing the top of his head and trying not to touch him too much incase she might infect him. She watched her boy over his breakfast, so happy to see her child well and out of harms way that she could sob as she had for Charlotte the previous night. He was a bit afraid about his sister but told him everything would be alright before she left him and made her way toward the stairs. She stopped when she felt a tiny hand tug on the hem of her skirt.

"Oh? What are you doing there my little lad?" She asked, smiling kindly at her son. Charlie sucked his thumb, staring back wide-eyed and silent at his mother.

"Stay with you Mummy!" He cried. She sighed and got on her knees.

"My love I wish you could but…"

"Mama I help!" He insisted.

Elsie paused. She hated the idea of taking him all over the house with her when he could so easily get sick. At the same time, there was illness downstairs too and isolation hadn't kept Charlotte well, why should she expect it alone to keep Charlie out of harms way? Especially when he wasn't that well isolated.

Elsie understood that her boy was afraid and truthfully, so was she. Her husband and baby daughter had just come down with a serious illness that people all around them (perhaps even members of that household) were dying of. She couldn't bare the thought of loosing them, and even now, as she rushed about the house tending to everything imaginable and making up for the lack of staff, she was consumed with worry over them and guilt for not being their sole caregiver during this time: what kind of wife and mother did that make her? Elsie had considered what she might think, feel or do if they were to both succumb to the illness. It would leave her and her baby son all alone in the world. Elsie knew she'd never be alright again after such a tragedy, but that her boy would be her hope and somehow; they'd hold on together.

"Mummy?" He asked suddenly when she hadn't answered him. She jumped, looking back into his deep blue eyes. "Mama I go with you, I help!" He hiccupped.

"Charlie." She said, tucking his hair behind his ear. "I thought it best for you to stay here with Daisy."

"Mummy I be real good, pleeeeease!"

Elsie sighed. "Sweetheart, Mummy's trying to keep you safe."

He tilted his head, giving his mother a questioning gaze.

"I don't want you to get sick my sweet boy."

"I won't!" He promised. Elsie giggled.

"My child that's not something you can control." She whispered.

"Mama what about you?"

She paused. She hadn't thought too much of herself in the past few days, even though she knew she had reason to. Mostly, she'd been busy and scared to death about Charlotte. She almost didn't care if she got sick.

"Alright, but don't touch anything and if someone coughs you burry your mouth and nose in Mummy's skirt, do you understand?"

The little auburn haired boy nodded quickly. He took the back of his mother's skirt, following at a pace that was too fast for him as they went up the stairs. He didn't really understand what was going on but knew that his sister, father and nanny were ill and so were Benjamin and his Mummy. Charlie quietly wondered how it was that he and his mother had been spared. The small boy had no understanding of how that worked.

As they walked up the stairs, Charlie thought carefully about his mother's behavior over the past few days when his sister had been very sick. Elsie had no clue her son had overheard her crying by his twin sister's bedside. He didn't understand how burdened his mother was, that his sister could die, or that she thought there was a small possibility he was going to have a baby brother or sister soon.

Elsie really did think she was pregnant. She was tired and had not had the freedom to confirm it with Dr. Clarkson yet as both of them were far too busy. She felt though, that she didn't need to confirm it. She remembered every bit of what it felt like to be expecting and knew it couldn't be mistaken for anything else.

Charlie followed his mother around faithfully for the next hour or so, doing everything she asked. The house was so short-staffed now from everyone being ill that nearly everyone was chipping in to help. This included Charlie who was presently carrying around bed linens for Thomas who was busy making up a bed for Sir Richard.

"Mama, I got them!" He said excitedly, tugging on his mother's skirt again.

He sneezed and Elsie instinctively got on her knees, placing both hands on either side of his cheeks. She almost cried out, feeling that he was cold, clammy and burning up all at once.

"Bless me." He sniffled.

Elsie paused, her breath caught in her throat. She gulped, her heart plummeting when he said this.

"Yes my baby, bless you."

…

"Daddy. Daddy you okay?" Charlotte asked. "Daddy?"

Hours had passed since Dr. Clarkson had told the Carsons their daughter would live if she made it through the night. And he'd been right. Charlotte woke suddenly after many hours of sleep. She sat up in bed, a little overwhelmed to be alert again all of a sudden. Charlotte felt awful but could feel that her fever had broken and that she had her wits about her again. After a moment she noticed her father laying next to her and remembered that he'd fallen ill as well.

"Daddy?" She asked again. Although little, she was aware he should be answering her. "Daddy." She started to panic.

Charlotte tried to shake him awake. Being so tiny she couldn't make him budge. She started crawling all over her father trying to wake him. He was groggy and hardly conscious, ignoring the tiny girl every noise she made. He was close to being in the state she'd been the night before, only being so much larger, the illness wasn't taking the toll on him that it had on her, Ben or Cora. He would be fine but was for the time, out of it. Charlotte didn't understand that.

"Daddy?" She asked, getting frightened now. She remembered how bad off she'd been and understood, perhaps even felt that she'd been close to death. Recognizing her father was in a similar place and she was all-alone with him Charlotte started to cry.

…

Elsie was exhausted and disheartened. Her little boy had fallen ill now too. Charlotte was a bit better off, but nonetheless her whole family was in danger now and she was more distraught than ever. How could she survive without all of them? Without her wonderful husband and beautiful children.

Elsie tried, for the moment to put the worry out of her mind. It had been a long, trying day, emotionally, physically… in every way imaginable. Her family was fast asleep upstairs and not anywhere near as bad off as Cora who was worse off than she'd ever been and at death's door. In addition to being devastated about her husband and children she was upset about her friend and employer. She'd spent time that day holding Benjamin Crawley. His mother and nanny were both too sick to care for them and the boy was distraught about their condition, as well as the condition of his friends. Elsie and Ben had found they comforted each other in that time: she reminded him of his mother, he reminded her of her twins.

She sighed, taking a seat in the kitchen and resting her head in her hands. She had waited on every one in the house that day it seemed, and for days on end in fact. She didn't understand how she wasn't ill herself. She'd barely slept and while she was exhausted, she didn't have the heart to sleep: she was far too upset.

Beryl and Daisy were in the kitchen with her and felt similarly. They worried for the ill and wondered why they weren't among them. Beryl had said that someone had needed to be spared to care for the ill and it was only natural it be them, the people who did most of the caring in that house.

Beryl was about ready to serve dinner; they were just waiting on Thomas. He'd been on his feet for days on end as well. Elsie was surprised but grateful for his willingness to step in during this time, when he didn't even work there. Of course she knew he was just trying to wheedle his way back in…but he'd been so nice to her and Charlie when he fell ill. She panicked inside when her little boy started to cough. Thomas had noticed and swopped in to comfort them both. Elsie thought perhaps his character was changing. It was not, but as she would discover over the next several years he cared deeply for children.

Mrs. Patmore watched Elsie as she sighed, keeping her head in her hand. She was about to suggest that she rest when she saw Elsie grimace a little.

"Oooh."

"What is it?" Beryl asked.

"Ooooh. Nothing it's just… it's just a little pain. Oh!"

Concerned, Beryl furrowed her brow. Wiping her hands on a dishtowel she took a few steps closer to her friend.

"Ooooh!" Elsie cried, feeling the pain grow sharper now. She sat up, feeling something wasn't quite right.

Beryl thought Elsie was just getting the flu and was floored when her friend shakily pulled up her skirt, just as Daisy walked into the room. Both women watched their friend, floored for a moment. Elsie pulled her skirt up to see a little bit of blood soaking her underwear and skirt.

"Ahhh!" Elsie started to cry.

"What in the…" It would take another beat for Beryl to put it all together. Daisy hated this kind of thing and started shaking.

"Beryl, I'm pregnant!" She moaned, clutching her midsection, as the pain grew even sharper. Elsie looked down in shock. She hadn't been totally sure; this was a horrible way to get the news.

"Daisy, go get Dr. Clarkson!" Mrs. Patmore cried, rushing to Elsie's side.

"But he's with…"

"NOW!"

Shaking, Daisy ran up the stairs. Beryl turned back to her friend and sat next to her, taking her in her arms as she cried.

"Shu sweetheart it's going to be fine." She whispered. "It's going to be alright. I've got ya it's going to be fine."

The two watched, fearful as the blood quickly grew from a big spot and began to soak through her underwear and dress. Elsie started sobbing when she saw the clots of blood, unable to deny what was happening now. Beryl noticed too and held her tight.

"My baby, my baby, my baby. My poor wee babe!" Elsie cried, completely panicked now. Here she was, at risk for loosing her whole family, and here she was, loosing the one child she thought had been safe inside her. "Charlie, I want Charlie!" She begged. "Please I need my husband, I want my Charlie!" She bawled as Beryl rocked her.

…

Twelve weeks. He'd said. It's not your fault. He'd said. Of course it was her fault. The next night came quickly, like each passing night before it. It'd been another day of hell, except now Elsie was crushed, bleeding and in pain. She'd lost her third child at twelve weeks. She'd had no choice but to work the next day, while still bleeding and in horrible pain. Carson was too ill to console his wife, and Elsie had made Dr. Clarkson, Beryl and Daisy swear to never tell anyone about her miscarriage. She would not tell Charlie. Not then. Not soon. The only consolation had been that her precious Charlotte, the first in their family to fall ill, was mostly well again and had been able to get out of bed and be with her mother.

"Ben." The little girl mumbled sadly.

Despite her physical pain, Elsie was holding Charlotte in her arms. The two were in the kitchen alone together.

"Oh my baby lass its alright." Elsie soothed, kissing her cheek.

"Charlie." She cried for her twin.

"It's alright my baby." She kept reassuring the child. But she didn't know if she was reassuring her or herself.

"He okay?" Charlotte whispered, afraid to ask.

"He's very sick, just like you were." Ben had taken a turn for the worst that day.

"And I okay."

"Yes you are my love." Elsie almost laughed.

She was worried about her husband, her son, and Cora and everyone else who was ill, and of course devastated about the baby she'd just lost. But she was so thankful that her baby girl had made it through she couldn't even convey it. Charlotte was still a tiny bit feverish but Dr. Clarkson had said she was out of the worst of it and was going to be just fine. Elsie could never recall being so thankful for anything in all her life. She cried softly as she rocked Charlotte in her arms, relieved she wouldn't be loosing her firstborn.

"Why no go home?" Charlotte asked.

Charlotte, who'd been born in the abbey, considered the place her home. It was after all, where she'd spent most of her time. Still, she missed the small cottage she shared with her parents and brother, understanding it was their real home, and longed to be there with her toys, her mother's garden, and so many other things that were well all theirs. She couldn't understand why they'd not been home in many days.

"Because your Daddy and brother are still sick. And when you were sick Mummy needed a lot of help taking care of you, and was helping to take care of other people and so we've had to stay here my love."

Carson and the twins had been sleeping in her old room and since she was not ill, Elsie had been drifting back and forth between a chair next to his bed and her sitting room. Needless to say she'd not gotten a good night's sleep in nearly a week and was exhausted. The pain from the miscarriage was worse than she could've imagined and she was badly in need of rest.

"Oh." Charlotte understood.

"How are you feeling my sweetheart?"

"Good."

"Good." Elsie cried, hugging her tight. "Do you miss nanny and Benjamin?"

"Yes. Mummy." She whispered, grabbing her mother's cheeks and forcing her to look down at her. Elsie smiled deeply, pressing her forehead against the child's.

"What?" She asked.

"Mummy." Charlotte continued to whisper. "I like that it was just you and me Mummy, for a while."

"Mummy loves that too." She rubbed her nose against the child's.

Charlotte recalled a lot of her mother's crying and fear from when she'd been very ill. It'd been emotion that Elsie had been completely unable to control, and that she also thought the catatonic child could not hear. Charlotte came away from the experience unafraid and understanding how deeply she was loved.

"Mummy why you cry?"

"Oh sweetheart, it's because she loves you so much." She explained, kissing her baby's forehead. It was only one of the reasons.

"Mama love you!" The little girl's words melted her heart and made her feel better… a little.

"Oh sweet one I love you too. I love you more than you could ever understand."

"Charlie." She yawned.

"I know you miss your brother…."

"The mostest."

The twins had been ill in bed together with their father but had not spent real time together in days. They missed each other.

"He'll be alright, Mummy needs him to be."

Elsie continued to cry as she kissed Charlotte's forehead, rocking her on her hip as they walked about Downton's kitchen. She couldn't bare the thought of loosing her little boy, especially after having lost her baby just hours before. It was something that she wasn't sure she could ever tell anyone about, even her husband. Charlotte closed her eyes and laid her head against her mother's shoulder.

"No matter what happens you and I will have each other lass." She whispered to the three-year-old, wanting her to understand now, incase something did happen to Carson and baby Charlie. Charlotte nodded against her mother's shoulder and hugged her tight.

"Mrs. Carson." Came a voice. Elsie looked up to see Lord Grantham coming down the back stairs, panic in his voice.

"M'lord? How can I help?"

The Lord starred back at his housekeeper for a moment, tears in his eyes. The house was filled with so much sorrow and he couldn't bare it. His own heart was burdened with the grave illnesses of his wife and precious son, but he knew Mrs. Carson's whole family was very ill, in danger of dying and he also knew something he shouldn't, something he swore he'd take to the grave because it wasn't his place to know: that earlier just the night before, in the midst of this hell, she'd lost the child she'd been expecting. He hurt for her and couldn't imagine being in her shoes, afraid that she might loose all her children in one week, children she'd worked harder than most women to have. He hated coming to her in this moment but he felt he had no choice.

"M-Mrs. Carson, I need you to place a call. There's been…there's been a death upstairs."