A/N: Two Chapters Today, enjoy!
Weddings and Weepings:
Some hours later, Elizabeth awoke as the remembrances of the morn flooded her mind. Determined to change the will of her father, she moved to venture downstairs when the handle on the door remained locked. Knocking on the door, she sought to get anyone's attention so that she might be able to leave her chambers. Several minutes passed and without any result, she determined that her door was left that way intentionally. A quarter-hour later found Elizabeth on her bed reading a collection of poems by William Blake when a knock was heard at the door, Jane held a tray of food and a pot of tea.
"Lizzy? Can I bring you some tea? I believe it will make you feel better."
"No thank you. Oh, Jane, what shall I do? Should I run away? I believe that to be my best option at present. Could you ask Mr. Bingley if there are any in his acquaintance looking for a governess or companion? I think that would be best for me now. After my ended engagement my reputation will suffer. I cannot bear to think of how the gossip will hurt you. But I will not marry that man." She could feel the tears rising in her eyes, she grasped for her handkerchief, but Jane took her hands in hers.
"Lizzy, our cousin Mr. Collins is perhaps not the cleverest of men, but he is respectable. If you were to run away now I fear you may never get to live your life."
"But I will not be living, but rather merely existing. I want to love my husband, not barely tolerate his mere presence. I want to see him in the mornings and at night and dare I say feel safe in his arms, I may never―nay―will never have the chance with Mr. Collins."
"But Lizzy, if you go into the marriage speaking of its faults you will never make the most of the situation. I care for you deeply, as you well know. I want you to be happy. This may be hard for you to understand, but try to tolerate your husband. Find a common interest, perhaps that can be a block of a foundation, adding a block day by day until there is a functional, home."
"But Jane can you not see that my nature would be destroyed married to one such as he? I shall be forced to endure the condescension of Lady Catherine de Bourgh and my days as an intelligent being will be no more."
"While that may be the case, perhaps your intelligence may be put to use in writing your husband's sermons."
"I believe Mary would be far better suited to that, perhaps there are village children who would like to read. In time, I may find my place if I am left without any choice in the say of my life."
"And in time, you might not come to love your husband, but perhaps live in companionable friendship. After all, marriage is for life."
Of all advice she was given, Elizabeth took this to heart. She was determined to make the most of the situation that she was stuck in. 'Perhaps God had a plan for her that we have yet to see.' as Mary would say.
The preparations leading up to Elizabeth's wedding were a joyful time for all the Bennets save Elizabeth and Jane. When Jane was made aware of the situation she showed compassion and used her caring heart to make it better. She tried for the next week to get to know her betrothed. Two days of which were spent with him in London obtaining a Common License. He did not want to wait for the banns to be read, causing a potential for objection. She was his, the sooner it was official in the eyes of God and the law, the sooner he would worry no more.
When it was high time to dress, she worried for what the next chapter in her life would bring. She was determined to be the very essence of grace and poise; that ended quite shortly.
When Mrs. Hill came to her room to tell her the carriage was ready to depart for the church she broke down into a puddle of tears. Instead of looking happy and joyful on her wedding day, she appeared as though she was attending her own funeral. After ten minutes of uncontrollable sobs, her Uncle Gardiner and father came to retrieve her.
"My condolences Lizzy, I had always hoped you would be happier on the day of your marriage. I wish I could do more for you, but your majority is not for another eight months." Mr. Gardiner spoke sadly.
"Lizzy you will be able to live in Longbourn with your mother and sisters upon my death. All will be well." Her father spoke with nonchalance.
"Will it be so? Will he be a good man as you say? Do you honestly know?"
"He is an idiot clergyman, you are in safe hands."
"Am I sir? It sounds to me as though I am unprotected. My father abandoned me before he has given me away. But that is what you wanted, one less daughter to concern yourself with and the future secured for those whom you are responsible."
"Elizabeth, should you ever find yourself in need of aid, your aunt and I are available to you. I earnestly pray that your husband will not treat you poorly."
"Thank you, uncle."
She struggled to compose herself. She had to look strong. Her witty remarks were what had become her armor over the years, she needed to wear a brave face. Like an article of clothing. Wiping her tears with her favorite handkerchief from her childhood embroidered "E. B." she placed the soiled cloth beside the journal she kept from her former years, bringing an end to her childhood. Then her thoughts tended to what Mr. Collins expected of the wedding night and she nearly threw up in the carriage on the way to the Longbourn Parish.
She entered the church, all her weight supported by her father. Mr. Collins beheld his soon-to-be wife. In his mind, she looked positively radiant. She would be a great parson's wife in his position if she could keep her comments to herself. When silent, she was lovely. Her beauty would meet Lady Catherine's expectations. And in time, like all dogs, she too could be tamed and trained.
As she entered, she saw the look on his face and she noticed where his eyes were looking, glances upon a lady's bosom were never condoned, and certainly not in a church. The gazes of her neighbors varied, but those of pity were perhaps the most common. There were no words to describe her horror during the ceremony. At the conclusion of the ceremony, Elizabeth Bennet was no more. Henceforth she would be known as Elizabeth Collins. She wished the day to be over, but first, she would endure the wedding breakfast and then whatever Mr. Collins had in mind. The couple entered the carriage and experienced their first moments alone.
Mr. Collins' hand took hold of her own. "My dear Elizabeth, how radiant you look today. It is certainly a mark of a true gentleman to have such a beautiful and accomplished wife. Our patroness Lady Catherine will be most pleased upon meeting you, my dear."
"Thank you, Mr. Collins."
"Elizabeth, you need not be so informal. Whilst in company, you may refer to me as such, but when we are alone, you may refer to me as 'husband' or if, I may dare so suggest, 'William'." His voice sounded giddy and his eyes darkened as they moved from her face and fell upon her bosom once more.
"Thank you for the instruction, husband."
"You are very welcome my dear wife."
Minutes later, they arrived at Longbourn and the dreaded congratulations began. Mr. Collins was unable to limit his raptures of being wed to less than a hundred and fifty words with each person who congratulated the newlyweds. After the last of the feast was enjoyed, and Elizabeth's trunks fastened to the carriage, it came time to depart.
Charlotte Lucas at last came to speak with her friend. "Lizzy, I am certain you will be happy."
"I cannot possess equal frankness in this matter."
"I know you cannot, but it is an eligible match. Eliza, your future will be secure as soon as you provide your husband with an heir. Happiness in marriage will always be a matter of chance. He is not vicious, which many wives cannot say about their husbands. I am certain as a man of the cloth, he will seek to be a good husband to you."
"I wish I possessed your enthusiasm and optimism. I shall write you often Charlotte. I may not see you for some time, but I will look forward to reading your letters."
Elizabeth stood outside the room she was raised in at her father's lap, her hand forming a fist as she gathered the courage to knock. Her father bade her enter.
"Lizzy, are you departing?"
"Yes father, the carriage has been brought to the front of the house."
"Goodbye, my child."
Elizabeth made to leave at the clear dismissal, but garnering a sense of courage she had felt not in days, she turned to face him once more.
"I am ashamed of you."
"Lizzy-"
"No, father. You will listen. I respected you. I valued your mind and wit. I thought we laughed at our family and neighbors together. But your actions have shown me that you are nothing more than an indolent coward who neglected his family and instead of fighting for my freedom, you submitted to the whims of your wife. As always, you prioritized your own peace over the happiness of another. I loved you father. I thought you loved me, but the only thing you love is what remains in this room. And I shall not pass through these doors again. Goodbye, father."
"A pretty speech. Perhaps you might write some of your husband's sermons. Be sure to eliminate the self-pitying and the condemnation and you will be just fine."
"Is that all you have to say for yourself?"
"Oil and water my dear. That is the order of happiness and marriage. Oil and water. You will come to learn this truth in time. Perhaps one day you will appreciate the gift of security in your life when you become the mistress of this house. In time your animosity will turn to an accord in your marriage. Good day Elizabeth. Shut the door on your way out."
Any love she felt for her father shattered. There was not much left after what he forced of her, but hearing his justification. She knew that joy could be found in marriage. The Gardiners were a testament to that. Simply because her father found himself driven by lust and was now in an unequal match did not mean that all marriages must be that way. Nevertheless, it was too late. It was too late for his mind to be changed on the matter. She was Mrs. Collins; she was Mr. Bennet's daughter no more.
The carriage ride passed slowly as they made their way south. Mr. Collins insisted on sitting opposite Elizabeth in the carriage which suited her nicely, however, his leering gaze brought on a level of discomfort that make her skin crawl.
When the carriage pulled away from Longbourn, Elizabeth pulled out a book that she selected to read on the journey to Hunsford. No sooner had she removed it from the compartment under the seat than her husband spoke.
"Elizabeth, you shall no longer have time for such trifling nonsense as reading novels such as this. You may indulge yourself from now on by reading from those works in my study in the parsonage. I shall not allow my wife to read useless, indulgent, and evil novels. Your father may have condoned it, but I shall not. Now, give me the book."
"Mr. Collins, it is not a work of evil, this is among the works of Mary Wollstonecraft. Surely you can't expect me to read the Bible and Fordyce's Sermons exclusively."
"Indeed I do Mrs. Collins. Until such a time has passed when your pert opinions no longer enter your mind, your reading will be what I say it to be. Or the consequences will be severe." The leering gaze of minutes ago was no more and Elizabeth Collins witnessed her husband's true nature for the first time.
"Yes, Mr. Collins."
"Husband."
"Yes, thank you, husband."
"You are very welcome my dear. After all, Lady Catherine de Bourgh is all benevolence and condescension. As the leader of her flock, my family must set an example for those in the parish. Lady Catherine would not wish to enter my home and see the works of Byron, Radcliffe, and certainly not Burney. Appearances must be upheld. Do understand Elizabeth?"
"But why can I not read my novels in my room? Lady Catherine will never see them, after all. These were gifts from my father. They are mine." Mr. Collins' face reddened in anger upon hearing his wife's words. As she concluded this remark, he leaned over the length of the carriage and brought his hard palm against her face.
"They are not yours. Everything that was once yours is now mine, my dear. And to even think of hiding such corrupt literature from the excellent Lady Catherine de Bourgh is not done. You pledged to obey me just this morning. You must obey me, it is a cardinal sin to do otherwise."
A shocked Elizabeth froze in her seat. What she feared most had indeed come to pass; her husband was most unpleasant and would stop at nothing to make her fit his mold of an ideal spouse. Her parents, despite their many flaws, had never laid a hand upon her, though it would have been well within their rights to do so. That mantle no longer belonged to the father she thought she knew and the mother who tolerated her existence, it would now belong to the seething man across from her.
"See what you've done Elizabeth, and on our wedding day. Is this the thanks I am to receive after offering for you, a penniless woman without accomplishments? And upon your father's death, I shall take your remaining sisters and mother into my care yet, you would disobey me?"
"I must fervently apologize husband for my actions this day. I hope to be a good wife to you in the future."
"I pray you will. You can start by handing me that book of licentious words. I shall dispose of it at the first inn we come across." With shaking hands, Elizabeth passed the book to her husband. Her eyes felt heavy, but she blinked her tears away. If this was to be her life, she would make the most of it. After all, she would have some freedom, her husband would not be with her all the time. She moved to collect a sample she had been previously working on to occupy her time on the journey now that her book had been confiscated.
The sample was a small version of her favorite view from Oakham Mount at sunrise. She wished to have a piece of her childhood with her even if it was no more.
Out of the corner of her eye, her husband puffed out his chest. "Elizabeth, all your samples henceforth must be scriptural in some way. Idle hands are an enemy of God. Your nimble fingers shall make wonderful samples to fill my home I dare say."
"So it shall be, husband."
"You need not sound so very disappointed, in fact, as my wedding gift to you, I will allow you to complete that which you are working on and it may remain in your room."
Taking her husband's olive branch for what it was, Elizabeth offered him her thanks.
"You are very welcome my dear. I believe it is right that a clergyman should do right by his family and display their talents for others to see. Your adornments to my home shall be enjoyed by all."
His constant use of "my" in lieu of "our" concerned her. From this day, until her last anything she owned was in actuality her husband's. When her father would pass, Longbourn would her husband's it did not matter that she was raised there. He possessed the power in their relationship and she was convinced he would remind her of this often.
Sometime later, they arrived at the inn to relieve themselves and to eat a meal. Mr. Collins kept his promise and had the wicked words thrown into the fire. Elizabeth wished the book could have been given to another rather than wasted in such a manner, but she could not say anything contrary for fear of a repeat of his slap, or worse.
After Elizabeth relieved herself, she looked upon her reflection through the small mirror in the ladies retiring room. What she saw was a reminder of the pain of her new marriage. The skin on her left cheek was swollen, tender, and appeared red in color. Upon closer inspection, Elizabeth could see the clear outline of her husband's hand.
Just before dusk, the carriage pulled into Hunsford. As they passed the lands of Rosings Park, Mr. Collins began to wax poetic regarding the great estate.
"And yes, my dear the magnificent estate of Rosings Park is surrounded by many groves to enjoy. But I shall not have you spending all your days out of doors. Fresh air prepares the mind for God, but you will also have other responsibilities that will need your attention."
Quickly learning from her prior mistakes, Elizabeth nodded her head throughout this speech.
"...of course, I shall tend the gardens, which also produce some of the food that we shall be eating, but you will be working directly with the cook to make sure our meals are prepared well. After all, you are the daughter of Mrs. Bennet, I am certain that you shall have expertly boiled potatoes served at my table. That is not to say that Lady Catherine could not have boiled potatoes served at her own table, for if she did they would be far superior. Potatoes are a superior vegetable, though are not the most exquisite or refined of dishes. Dinner at Rosings Park is always a joyous affair to bask in the condescension of Lady Catherine is a treat few can enjoy. You must be grateful, my dear, that you have the honor and credit of my patron."
"Indeed husband. I shall be very pleased to make her acquaintance."
"It is well, for we shall be meeting with her in the morning after we break our fast. She has requested that honor and you shall dress your best and leave your impertinence at the parsonage."
"I promise that I shall."
"Very well. Now, here is the parsonage."
They came upon a small cottage surrounded by a chipping fence. The stone structure looked pleasing from the outside but appeared to be in need of refurbishment. A small portico came out of the house to make the entrance more welcoming. Elizabeth determined that while the situation may not be the best, the home as much as she had seen, was pleasant.
They entered the house as Mr. Collins began the tour of his home. They began in the study. Though perhaps study was a strong word for the room. One small bookshelf held all of Mr. Collins' religious texts which he wrote sermons from. His desk faced the window at the front of the house to watch in the event of Lady Catherine's carriage passing the house. They continued through the house to the drawing room. It was a quaint room, furnished better than she would have expected from the state of the exterior of the house.
"Once you have learned your roles in this house and neighborhood, you will be welcome to invite some of the women into this room, though I will have to approve of all invitations."
"As you wish, husband."
The dining room was small, as to be expected in a parsonage of this size. Elizabeth was informed by her husband that she would be able to converse with the cook in the morning to begin preparing meals. When they reached the staircase, Mr. Collins commented on the size of the stairs being ideal for a man of his stature, being neither too shallow nor steep.
"There are two principal rooms in this house, in addition to two others for guests. If your behavior allows it, you may invite a sister or friend in the Spring."
"Thank you for your consideration of my feelings."
"Of course, Elizabeth. That is my responsibility as your husband, to place your feelings, wishes, and needs above all else."
Elizabeth found great irony in this statement given his actions and words of the day. She knew this man to be a great contradiction, but perhaps he had no idea that his actions were not in alignment with his words.
Mr. Collins guided her into her room and began to explain in great detail the attention Lady Catherine had placed into it.
"Before Lady Catherine sent me to find a wife, she aided in the decoration of the house and this room. She assured me that they are all the latest style and shall befit a lady of your station." Guiding her to the closet, he opened the door, "In this closet, her Ladyship had these shelves placed to economize the space. I am certain you shall appreciate and thank her Ladyship for the changes she has made in preparation for your arrival."
"I will be sure to thank her in the morning." Her husband nodded at her response.
"And now my dear, we shall prepare to retire, I shall give you a half hour to settle in, and then shall expect you in my rooms at the appointed time."
Elizabeth felt a sinking feeling in preparation for what her body knew would certainly not be a pleasant experience but was necessary and one of her new duties. She gathered her courage and swallowed the bile that threatened to move northwards in the back of her throat.
"I shall join you shortly." He closed the door in response. Elizabeth collapsed upon the bed in defeat. Her life, as she had known it, was over.
A/N: Hey y'all, I know that I said I would post twice a week, and then I did not. I apologize. Things have been crazy and I sat at my computer editing today as I needed a reprieve from my brain over-analyzing my doctor's visit on Monday where I received some really bad news. I am writing as a way to take a step back and get out of my head. Auto-immune disorders are not fun, nor do they make college particularly easy. thank you for your continued support and kind words. Now that I'm done complaining, have a great week, be nice, and smile.
-Camille