Ch 26- In Mrs. Carson's Eyes

*Some of the dialogue in greeting scene is not mine; it's from the show. You'll know which lines ;)

February 3rd, 1919

"I have no idea what else to get them." She said of the remaining birthday present she needed to get for her twins.

"I know what you're getting them alright." Beryl said under her breath.

"Oh?" Elsie asked, intrigued that Beryl might have an idea.

"Nothing different going on with you lately?" Beryl asked, watching closely as Elsie chugged her glass of milk.

It was the middle of the day and the two of them were making preparations for the twins' and Benjamin's joint fourth birthday party.

"Me?" Elsie raised an eyebrow, almost catching her breath. "What do you mean?"

Beryl laughed. "No. There's nothing different about you at all."

"What are you on about?" She asked, raising an eyebrow, the cup just inches away from her lips.

Beryl sighed. "I think you should see the doctor and soon." Elsie raised her eyebrow higher. Beryl wanted to ask if she was daft but instead said: "You're pregnant!"

Elsie looked from Beryl at her cup of milk and then back again. "No I… well maybe…"

The idea had crossed Elsie's mind very briefly just days earlier, but she'd been busy and not returned to the fleeting thought. It may sound odd for her to have gone off such a profound realization but after the brutal miscarriage she'd endured several months earlier, she could barely bear to think of the idea of being pregnant again.

"You're on your third glass of milk." Beryl reasoned. "I've known you for years and I only ever saw you do that when you were expecting." Of course there were other things Beryl had noticed about Elsie lately but she wasn't about to detail all of them.

Elsie paused, looking down into her glass of milk. She wished she could've seen the doctor last time, if she had perhaps he would've told her that her condition was delicate and sent her to bed and maybe if that'd happened, her second set of twins would be well on their way now instead of…

"It's okay." Beryl reassured, tears rolling down Elsie's cheeks. "It's not going to end up like that this time."

"You don't know that. I'd be seven months now if... they'd be nearly born if they were anything like my first two." She whispered.

"All the more reason." She soothed. "For you to go and make sure now."

…

"Why mad?" Charlotte asked, putting down the spoon.

"Hmm?" Beryl asked, unprepared for the little girl's question.

"Why my Daddy so mad?" Charlotte pressed.

"Yeah, Daddy yell a lot." Charlie cringed, listening to his father continuing to yell in the background.

Mrs. Patmore had agreed to take the twins for part of afternoon, not knowing what the day had in store. She set them to work baking, as they loved to do, just after Elsie left on her doctor's appointment and just before the news hit. Mr. Carson was livid and Beryl did not think she could explain. She sighed, drying her hands on the dishtowel and approaching her godchildren.

"Why Anna cwying?" Charlie asked as Anna made her way by the kitchen, her hand over her face. "Is it cause Mr. Bates went to London?"

"He went to London, he'll miss our birfday!" Charlotte cried, her little eyes widening.

"Oh no, he'll miss our birfday! And it's important!"

"Yes it is, it's important we're going to be four!" Charlotte explained, showing her auntie Beryl four fingers.

"Yes I know my loves." Beryl sighed.

She had no idea how Carson and Elsie would want this explained or if she should attempt to explain anything at all. She couldn't very well go and get Mr. Carson as he was on an angry tirade over Mr. Bates' having, been taken from the house.

"Did he go cause he doesn't like us?" Charlie asked, suddenly seeming worried. He furrowed his little brow in a way that made him look somehow the image of his father.

"I'm sure Mr. Bates likes you very much and wouldn't want to miss your birthday."

"Then why is he?"

"Yeah, why?" Charlie asked.

Mrs. Patmore put her head down beginning to sniffle.

"What's wrong!" Charlotte cried.

"Auntie Beryl?" Charlie asked. The twins reached out and wrapped their arms around their godmother, trying to make her feel better.

"Come on, let's go and find ya dad, alright? He will explain."

…

"Well?" Elsie asked anxiously as Dr. Clarkson pressed his hand deep into her

abdomen. The pressure was a bit too much for her tastes and her breath caught in her throat as she winced.

"Well Mrs. Carson, I'd say you were," he paused, making a guess. "Maybe

twelve weeks gone."

Elsie gulped. "That's about what I was when…"

"Yes." He sighed, pulling up a chair and sitting for a moment. "Mrs. Carson." He began, and Elsie braced herself for bad news. "First, I want to say that this baby seems in a good state, and so do you. You're old for this, but your strong and healthy. Rest, take care of yourself, eat well, all which I know you'll do anyway."

"So you don't think I'm going to…"

"No one can ever guarantee anything, even in a much younger mother Mrs. Carson, but things seem in good order, I think more so than the first time."

"Oh." Elsie sighed with relief, allowing herself to smile a little.

"I know you feel very badly about what happened last autumn but please know it was not your fault."

"But I was up on my feet all of those days and…"

"Even if that's what was wrong, please let go of the guilt, it will help this child immensely to do that." He said. "And what's important now is this child because she has more than a fighting chance at life I'm certain of it."

"How did you know I still felt…"

"You're a loving mother Mrs. Carson, how could you not?"

In truth, Clarkson was still bothered by Elsie's miscarriage. He'd had seen a lot of this kind of thing in his time, but would attest to the fact that hers had been particularly brutal. He'd attended to her through much of the ordeal and the thought of it still made him sad and so he knew that she would always have some sadness and guilt too. Clarkson knew that the Carson's had wanted many children and he'd never forget having to tell her she likely lost two in one shot.

"You should know that it's probably not the exercise that did it. Mrs. Carson, most of the time when a woman miscarries a baby." He paused, deciding to rephrase this, sighing for a moment. "Things don't always go well those first few weeks, sometimes babies simply aren't right, from the moment a woman, if you'll pardon the expression, conceives."

"Oh." She swallowed nervously. "Then I suppose my age…"

"Yes. Often in a woman your age, but Mrs. Carson that's not necessarily it either, I've seen it in younger women too, many a time. It's a genetic abnormality that causes the fetus to stop developing and pass away."

He'd wanted to explain this to her at the time, but she'd been far too distraught. Elsie began to cry softly at his explanation but decided to say nothing more about it, worried now for this new baby more than she could convey and realizing his words made her think of Becky.

"Please, try not to worry. It'll only bring problems where there likely aren't any and I want to see a Carson baby come summer almost as much as you do."

"Summer?"

"Yes. Very late July to mid August, somewhere in there." He smiled. "I just have one question for you Mrs. Carson, if I may?"

"Yes."

"I know that you and Mr. Carson wanted a family for a very long time and had no success." Clarkson remembered one time, many years before when she'd come to him, seeming to be asking him something she could or would not phrase fully. Looking back on it, he knew she wanted to ask if she was having a baby. "How exactly is this happening now, all of a sudden? I apologize if it's a bit forward of me…"

"No, no. I understand why you'd be curious. Not long before the twins, I went to Scotland for an operation that wasn't supposed to work. But clearly it did, quite well." She laughed, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"I'm glad." He said simply. "Now, one more thing. When you go home, please feel free to tell your husband and your twins: to be truly happy."

…

But home was anything but a happy place right then. Or at least, Downton wasn't. Elsie walked around the village in the snow by herself for a while, letting the news sink in. She was distraught but happier than she could say, and already head over heals in love. But she wasn't sure that she could allow herself to be so in love.

While hell was breaking loose back at the house, she wandered about the village, unable to suppress the huge smile that was slowly spreading across her face. Without realizing it she pressed both of her hands to her still flat belly, holding herself like she were holding the greatest of treasures and she was.

"Hello my love." She whispered to where no one else could hear, a fresh batch of tears pouring down her cheeks. "Mummy can't wait to know you and see your smile my sweetheart."

Elsie walked around for a while in pure bliss, something in a shop window finally catching her eye and slowing her down. It was a tartan blanket just like the one's she'd bought the twins before they were born, and to boot, it was one of the Hughes clan tartans. Elsie stood, caressing her belly and wondering if it would bring her baby bad luck to buy him the blanket, if it would jip it and she'd loose the baby.

"No my little love, a blanket you should have: to match your big brother and sister, because it's just so perfect."

…

Elsie walked back to Downton in the snow, holding the blanket tightly to her belly and thinking about all the ways she might tell her husband she was pregnant.

"How should we tell Daddy m'lad?" She asked.

Right away, Elsie had had this overwhelming instinct she was going to have a boy. She was ecstatic for it, very pleased at the idea of another son and she hoped Charlie would be too.

"I know however I tell him, he's just going to be over the moon for you little sweetheart. I know I am."

Back at Downton everyone was distraught. Anna was the most devastated of all of course, and was upstairs sobbing in Lady Mary's arms. Mary rocked her maid and friend back and forth absentmindedly, shocked by the whole thing, she just stared straight ahead, trying to focus only on Anna. Robert was crushed knowing right away his friend and loyal servant, a man who'd saved his life would never have done such a thing. Carson was angry and the twins found themselves quite confused.

"Here, Charlie, Charlotte it's time we go see your Da." Mrs. Patmore said, ushering the twins into the pantry.

"Mrs. Patmore." He urged. "I'm not sure that…"

"Daddy I'm scared." Charlotte cried.

He sighed.

"Daddy no get it!" Charlie explained.

"Alright." He sighed.

"Daddy you yell." Charlie commented as his father took his and his sister's hands and Beryl quickly left the room. Carson put the twins in the chair facing his desk and bent down, pausing for a moment before beginning to explain.

"Mr. Bates has been arrested." He began calmly, causing the twins to gasp.

"Like a bad guy?" Charlie burst as Charlotte began to cry.

"Er yes… but he's not. He's been falsely accused." Carson was sure of it.

"Why would they do that?" Charlotte cried.

"It happens sometimes and…"

"Daddy am I gonna get taken away?" Charlie asked as he began to cry. Carson sighed.

"No lad, you won't get taken away. It doesn't' work like…"

Within seconds both the twins burst into tears and Carson, frustrated took them into his arms.

"What's going on here?" Elsie asked, surprised to find the twins crying when she walked into the room. "Oh my lad and my lass, what's wrong?" Elsie cried, rushing over to where her husband held them in his large, capable arms. "We have to be upstairs in a minute. Mrs. Levinson will be here." She remarked rubbing Charlotte's back.

"Mummy!" Charlotte cried.

"Oh that's right…" Carson groaned.

"What's this about?" Elsie asked, taking her little girl in her arms.

"Mr. Bates' arrest."

"His what?!"

…

"Come war and peace Downton still stands and the Crawley's are still in it!" Mrs. Levinson burst as she climbed out of her car.

The family and the servants were hurried outside and lined up accordingly to meet Cora's flamboyant mother, Mrs. Levinson. Ben was intimidated by the idea of meeting his other grandmother for the first time. She'd never been to see him and for whatever reason, she decided his fourth birthday would be a good time. Charlie and Charlotte stood at attention in front of their parents, their eyes wide at the jovial nature of the lavish American woman. Neither of them had ever seen anyone or anything like her and for that matter, her presence made them question, for the first time, what had happened to their own grandparents. Surely their parents must have had parents.

Meanwhile, Elsie bit her lip, breathing through her nose. She felt sick all of a very sudden and was trying hard not to throw up right then and there in front of everyone.

"Carson, Mrs. Hughes the world has moved on since we last met." She turned to them after greeting the family, not noticing the little auburn-redheaded twins who stood in front of their parents, gazing up at her.

"And we have moved on with it." Carson announced.

Mrs. Levinson was about to laugh when the twins finally caught her eye.

"No!" She gasped, looking back and forth between Carson, Elsie and the twins.

The American could tell right away that the twins had both their parents etched all over them and knew instantly who they were. It was almost like seeing a mini Carson and Mrs. Hughes. Cora and Robert tried to hold back a laugh at her shock but could not. Meanwhile, Elsie was gagging, struggling with whether or no she should run away, try to bear through it or throw up right there.

"Carson, Mrs. Hughes you really did move on with the world!" Mrs. Levinson chucked. "I'm impressed! I'm even more impressed Downton accepted this." She said, looking back at her daughter, trying to denote that she quite approved.

"It's Mrs. Carson now ma'am, and this is Charlie and Charlotte." Elsie introduced, patting each of the children's heads very gently and quickly biting her lip again, forcing herself to swallow. Carson looked over at his wife, noticing that she was gagging and raised an eyebrow.

"Mother, the twins and Benjamin share a birthday, tomorrow's party is for them too." Cora announced.

"Well is that so? Hello Charlie, hello Charlotte. Happy Birthday! Thank you for welcoming me to Downton and showing me that time really does move on here!" She chuckled. She'd never have believed it had she not seen it in this way.

"Is it because we're four?" Charlie was confused.

Elsie continued to try to suppress her need to throw up as Mrs. Levinson kindly greeted her twins, introduced her to her maid and went inside with the family. Carson, who'd noticed her trying not to throw up was pulled inside the house by Thomas before he could question her and and made a mental note to inquire about it later. Elsie was grateful that nanny came and took the twins from her and that almost everyone, save Mrs. Levinson's driver, cleared out quickly allowing her the opportunity to rush downstairs.

Elsie ran for the small lavatory off to the side of servant's dining area, covering her mouth as she hurried past Beryl in the kitchen.

"Ha! I told you!" Beryl called after her.

….

Benjamin and the twins didn't know how to react when Mrs. Levinson came to the nursery and sat down with them. Downton had many visitors, including Ben's other grandmother Lady Violet, and not one of them had ever visited the nursery before.

"What's it like?" Charlie brought himself to ask.

"What's what like?" She questioned.

"Charlie wants to go to America." Ben announced.

"Oh!" Mrs. Levinson was even more pleasantly surprised by this news.

Charlotte gave him a strange glance she didn't know what to do about the problem of her twin wanting to see the world. She would hate to leave his side and she would also hate to go abroad.

"Charlie." Mrs. Levinson paused. "When you get bigger and can do what you like, write to me. You can come and see New York and stay with me, how would you like that?"

"Really?" Charlie's tiny eyes lit up. He was little but Mrs. Levinson was being truthful and he would never forget it. One day he would take her up on her generous offer, or try to.

"Really." She said, not knowing what prospects the boy would have as an adult, but she liked him right away and wanted to give him something that would hold promise.

In her eyes, he was smart and inquisitive and deserved something more. He wouldn't inherit a title or a house like Ben would, he wouldn't find a husband like his sister likely would (Mrs. Levinson didn't know why, she just had this feeling the girl would marry young and that would be that).

She thought Charlie deserved a ticket to a new life and that this would be it. Besides, he was growing up in Downton's nursery, she figured he had suffered enough already.

"Mother will you still be alive?" Cora giggled as she came in the room.

"Oh I'll still be alive." She promised. "And if by some off chance I'm not, then you send him to New York, just for me."

…

The Carson's made their way home many hours later. By that time, they were all exhausted: the twins were excited about their birthday and the gifts Mrs. Levinson had given them. For Charlie it had been a promise of New York, he didn't care that he had to wait for it, he would relish the waiting.

Mrs. Levinson had given Charlotte a little pearl necklace encrusted in tiny diamonds. Elsie, whose morning sickness had hit that day, was sick, miserable and overwhelmed that someone gave her four year old daughter such a fine piece of jewelry. And Carson was just angry, having spent the entire day dealing with the Bates dilemma with no idea how to resolve it.

"Mummy has another surprise for you." She told the twins as Carson began to build the fire in the hearth. "Could you go upstairs and put your pajamas on?"

The two nodded enthusiastically, kissing their mother's cheeks and racing up the stairs.

"Mr. Carson." Elsie soothed, rubbing his back as he stared at the fire, trying to soothe him.

"It's not right." He said of Bates' arrest.

"I know my love." She soothed, noting he was still seething.

She turned to face him and hugged him, sighing as she placed her head against his chest. She could feel his heart beating rapidly against her face and began to hum in the hope that it would calm him. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight to him and resting his head atop of hers.

"Charlie." She whispered.

"Hmmm." He'd closed his eyes just focusing on cradling her now, finding that indeed it did soothe his soul.

"Mr. Carson, I'm pregnant." She whispered.

"WHAT?!" He burst and she jumped as he pulled away from her. Elsie was startled, even thinking he was not pleased. She swallowed nervously.

"Charlie I…"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes I…."

Carson's expression softened and he found himself smiling so deeply he thought he would burst as he lifted Elsie off her feet. She shrieked with delight as he kissed her.

"Say it again. Elsie, say it again." He asked as she cupped his cheeks in her hands.

"Charlie I'm going to have your baby!" She cried, her words quickly muffled when he moved in to kiss her lips.

"Oh Elsie that's so wonderful!" He cried, tears in his eyes.

"It's a summer baby." She told him. "Can you see him?" She whispered. "Can you see him in my eyes?" She teased as he kissed her forehead, leaning in to kiss her again as the twins came down the stairs.

"I can see him written all over your beautiful glowing face and in the brightness of your smile." He beamed. "Oh Elsie I love you." He said through his tears, leaning her back and kissing her again.

"Mummy." Charlotte greeted.

"M'lad and my lass, mummy and daddy have an early present for you." She said as the children approached, looking up at her eagerly.

"Yes we do." Carson agreed. "Quite the surprise."

"Daddy why you cry?" Charlotte asked her eyes filled with worry.

"Because I'm very happy." He smiled, a tear sliding down his cheek.

The twins were confused. They'd seen their father go through so many emotional changes that day and that was unusual.

Elsie sat down on the edge of the ottoman and opened her arms to the twins. Carson sat behind her; one hand resting lovingly on her shoulder the other took her hand and squeezed it tight.

"What is it?" Charlotte's eyes sparkled.

"Tell us, tell us mummy please!" Charlie cried.

"When the summer comes, you're going to have a baby brother or sister." Elsie announced.

"Oooh!" Charlotte gasped, her eyes widening and she clapped in excitement.

"Yay!" Charlie shrieked. "Happy bwirthday to us!" Charlotte went up to her mom and kissed her midsection softly.

"Are you excited?" She asked.

The twins replied by getting up on the couch and starting to jump.

"Happy biwrthday to us!" They cried.

Carson and Elsie each immediately picked up a twin and twirled them around, causing them to shriek and giggle. Carson found it so strange that they could be so filled with this abundance of joy on the same day such tragedy could befall members of their household, but put it out of his mind. Carson swung his son in his arms laughing along with him and thinking about how in a few months time he'd know the joy of fatherhood once more. Charlotte was excited and Elsie's heart aflutter. She and Carson exchanged glances as they twirled the twins. He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was to him in that moment, her smile and eyes and soul lit up the whole of the house and the whole of his being. Mrs. Carson felt a sense of joy and relief and the greatest of satisfaction at the site of her husband's face and she began to cry too.

Outside the snow began to blanket the ground again and the glow from the fire lit up the Carson cottage, its light could be seen from a great distance and reflected the joy felt within it, most especially, the wonderful glow of Mrs. Carson's eyes.