"Well, we can be grateful she didn't try this at the palace with King Suwon," Tetra sighed, keeping watch beside Ayura in the doorway to the bath.
"Do you even hear the ideas that are coming out of your mouth, Tetra?"
Their chatter faded as Yona and Lili snuck around the water, towels clutched around them and their skin prickling in the cold evening air.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Yona whispered.
"It's fine!" Lili waved her on. "We'll keep it quick. Just a peek, remember?"
She guided Yona toward the back of the outdoor bath enclosure, kneeling down to the smallest of holes in the wall.
"How did you even notice this?" Yona wondered, rubbing her arms. She gazed longingly at the steaming water. It was lucky the Wind Tribe had these natural hot springs off the main compound. Otherwise, no one would bathe outside this time of year.
"Hush." Lili put her eye to the hole, peering to the other side. "I don't see anyone," she said, after a while. "Maybe we'll have to try later — oh!" She flipped away from the hole, staring at Yona with wide eyes.
Yona frowned, dropping down beside her. "What is it?"
Lili pointed her finger toward the fence, urging Yona to look. When she didn't, Lili pulled her closer, whispering in her ear. "It's Hak. I can't look. You have to."
"Hak," she breathed. It felt like lightning shot through Yona then, heating her face all the way down to her navel. She shook her head, leaning back.
"Just do it, come on!" Lili hissed, tugging her forward. "Or are you waiting for your wedding night?"
The question made Yona's head spin, suddenly picturing it for the first time. What if she was too nervous or embarrassed to look at him then? Hak would tease her endlessly. He'd probably fall asleep laughing, and she'd be mortified, stuck in the same room.
Before she could think better of it, she pressed her eye to the hole in the fence. At first she couldn't see much, just the far end of the boy's bath and some bushes near the fence. That's when she heard a familiar voice.
"Watch it, Tae-yeon, no splashing!" Hak floated into view, his hands held in front of his face against an onslaught of water.
"Big brother! Show me how you defeated the Kai Empire army!" Tae-yeon was laughing so hard he could barely speak.
"Alright, c'mere you." Hak ducked under the water only to spring back up with Tae-yeon in his arms. He lifted the boy above his head then swung him back down, plunking him back in the water.
Tae-yeon came up gasping for air, and for a moment Yona worried Hak had gone too far. But then the boy squealed with laughter, splashing Hak all over again.
Yona smiled, releasing a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Tae-yeon's asthma had improved so much since the last time they'd been here. That was a huge relief. And Hak was so sweet with him. The way they played was so natural and carefree.
He really would make a wonderful father one day.
The thought came to her unbidden, and she felt her face flush all over. She'd been so touched by their brotherly playing, it took her a moment to realize just how bare Hak's chest was. But as soon as she did, she couldn't stop noticing it. She'd seen him in various states of undress before, but always covered in bandages and usually grousing under Yun's care.
This was very different. She'd never had the chance to openly stare at him, for one. And without all the bandages in the way, it was clear how defined each of his muscles really was, how they all worked together beautifully as he moved. Then there was the way the water dripped down his chest, and how the sunset cast him in a golden glow. If Yona weren't already crouched over, she might've fallen to her knees.
This was the man who loved her. The one who had always taken care of her, always put her first, and no matter what, had always stayed by her side. He'd given up his entire life for her. And what had she done to deserve any of that?
The longer she looked, the more she felt her heart beat faster. She wasn't cold at all anymore, not with the warmth that had somehow spread all over her body and settled low in her gut. It was a strange kind of feeling, one that she'd only ever felt around Hak. It reminded her of times he'd speak too low and soft in her ear. Of when he'd watch her too closely, or pull her into his side to protect her. It felt like kissing him in that shed in the rain and darkness.
"Hey, Tae-yeon, wait up!"
She was startled out of these thoughts when the little boy suddenly sprang out of the hot spring, dashing for the bathhouse beyond.
Hak stood all at once, pulling himself up and out of the water to follow.
Yona watched as if in slow motion, his body dripping, each new muscle emerging only to reveal the next. He seemed to go on for miles, regions and countries of unexplored skin. She'd certainly never seen his stomach like that, the way it connected to his pelvis — and had his legs always been that long? They were so long, he was so tall, and so strong, and — why had she ever been afraid to see him? This was Hak. Her fingers curled on the fence, suddenly longing to touch him.
He turned then, his sharp gaze narrowing in on her secret corner. As if he could feel her eyes right on him. If only he knew how that gaze had the power to burn her from the inside out. He'd never let her forget it. Somehow the thought of it sent a thrill down her spine.
She caught a glance of his full naked body in profile, perfect in the molten golden light. Then she squeezed her eyes shut, flipping around to press her back against the fence. She couldn't speak — she could hardly breathe, with the way her heart was thumping so wildly out of her chest.
"Yona?" Lili whispered. But Yona was beyond answering.
She wasn't aware of standing, or moving one foot in front of the other, but very quickly she was throwing herself into the hot spring, letting the water swallow her up until it soothed the pounding of her heart in her ears.
"Yona, are you okay?" Lili asked again, once she surfaced.
Yona managed to nod, even though she felt anything but. Vaguely, she was aware of Ayura and Tetra joining them in the water.
"Well?" Lili prodded, after a few minutes passed. "Did you see anything?"
Yona took a deep breath, blinking away the image of Hak naked in the sunset. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't see anything else. "Um," she managed, eventually. Hak would laugh so hard if he could see me now. "It's not a dagger, that's for sure."
Lili squeaked, a sound caught between curiosity and surprise. "What's it like then?" She held up a finger on one hand and her forearm on the other, gesturing for Yona to choose between them.
Yona's stomach swooped, the image of it setting her face on fire. She shook her head helplessly, sinking into the water up to her chin. Speech had failed her, and any thoughts were a distant memory.
"I've got it." Ayura nodded, triumphant. "It's like a sleeping snake waiting to bite." She wagged a finger at Lili. "Can't believe I didn't think of that sooner."
"Uh! Don't tell them that." Tetra huffed. "It's more like a kitten that purrs when you pet it."
Ayura stared at her. "That's…colorful."
Tetra grinned. "I just thought about how Jaeha would explain it!"
"But," Lili protested. "Yona, you don't look so good. I think I need to look again, I didn't see anything."
Ayura sighed, catching Lili by the wrist. "Lady Lili, where did all of this come from, anyway? You've never been interested in this kind of talk before."
"Yona might get engaged to Lord Hak soon!" Lili burst, shaking out of Ayura's grasp. "She needs to know what happens after a man and woman get married. So she can decide if she wants to or not."
"Tetra." Ayura froze, clutching the other woman's shoulder. "The Thunder Beast will kill us for this."
"Us!" Tetra cried, her face suddenly pale. "You're the one who called his manhood a dagger ready to stab her highness."
"Don't twist my words! You called it a kitten!"
Tetra put her head in her hands. "At least that would make her want to touch it!"
They both groaned, exchanging dark looks before they considered Lili and Yona again.
"Honestly, Lady Lili," Ayura shook her head, exasperated as ever. "I think Princess Yona will be fine. I thought this was about Lord Tae-u, actually."
Tetra nodded, smiling at her. "I did too!"
"What?" Lili's cheeks turned instantly pink. "The young chief?"
Ayura and Tetra covered their mouths with their hands, though it did nothing to disguise their laughter.
"Well," Tetra winked, "I heard he's showing you around Fuuga this evening."
"How did you hear that?" Lili gaped. "He's just being courteous!"
"Not to mention," Ayura said, "you never asked about these things while we were staying at the palace with King Suwon."
Lili cringed, glancing at Yona. "We shouldn't talk about Suwon right now!"
Yona's mind had been floating somewhere above her friends' chatter, bouncing back and forth between the memory of Hak's eyes, his chest, his hands and legs and… The mention of Suwon sent her back to her body with a jolt.
It was strange to think that she'd wanted nothing more than to marry Suwon, once. She'd been a selfish child then, demanding something she couldn't have. The only thing that had mattered was whether Suwon could see her as a woman. She'd never considered his feelings beyond that.
With Hak it was so different. She only cared about what he wanted, and she was determined to never demand anything of him again. As long as he smiled, that was all she'd ever need.
"Clearly, Princess Yona isn't engaged to King Suwon." Ayura raised an eyebrow at Lili. "Why can't we speak about it?"
"For a while, we were convinced you'd marry him," Tetra agreed.
"No, no, no!" Lili waved her hands in front of her face, shaking her head furiously. "He let people think that just so they wouldn't force him to marry someone else."
"It's okay." Yona smiled, taking one of Lili's hands in hers. "I heard you spent a lot of time together at the palace before I arrived." The maids had gossiped about it constantly. "I'm sorry if I got in the way."
"You are my friend. My loyalty is to you." Lili's eyes went wide with worry. "Please know it wasn't like that!"
Yona's chest swelled. She was so grateful that Lili cared about her so much — but maybe she cared a little too much.
"It's okay if it was, or if it still is." Yona squeezed her hand. "Honestly. You're still my best friend." She met Lili's eyes, hoping she could feel how much she meant it. "I would think carefully before trusting him, but sometimes you can't control your heart. Please don't let me get in the way of your happiness."
Lili considered her, a doubtful pout on her lip. "My heart is not involved. I swear."
Tetra chuckled. "You don't need to protest so much, Lady Lili…"
Yona wasn't sure if Lili really knew what her heart was involved in, but it was clear the conversation troubled her. "Well then," she brightened, smiling again. "Lord Tae-u is very nice. He's funny too, even though he acts serious sometimes. He's like Hak's brother, you know."
"There is something about Wind Tribe boys," Tetra hummed. "There are so many handsome men in this clan. There must be something in the water here."
"Speaking of the water, I'm getting cold." Lili lifted her chin, a valiant effort to hide the fresh blush that had crept across her cheeks. "Can we sit in the sauna for a while? It looked wonderful."
They agreed, and Yona was grateful to put all talk of boys behind them as they went inside. The wooden walls and blissful heat of the sauna enclosed them, and a peaceful quiet settled over the group.
That's when the door to the bathhouse banged open.
"Ayame, I can't believe you and Saki are finally engaged!"
A group of girls' voices floated inside, giggling and teasing as they approached.
"Are you more excited or more nervous?" One of them asked.
"Both!" Ayame's voice was unmistakable, even as the others laughed around her. "But mostly excited," she added.
Yona smiled, listening. Hak's ex-fiancée is engaged? That was welcome news.
"I still can't believe you ever let Lord Hak go!" Yona didn't recognize this voice, but her smile vanished at the words. The girl sighed. "He's so dreamy."
"Ack, he's like my brother," Ayame said. "Besides, the only woman Hak's ever loved is the princess. He's been in love with her since we were like thirteen."
Yona sucked in a breath. If Ayame knew that, it could only be because he'd told her himself. He hid it for years, and even his friends knew, she thought. She wished, not for the first time, she'd realized it so much sooner.
"Poor thing." The girls all cooed. "He acts so tough, but he's too soft for heartbreak."
"That must be why he seemed so sad today," another girl said. "I'll find him later and cheer him up."
"Yes, Mei!" A girl cheered. "Make him forget about her."
"Don't worry, I'll kiss the bad memories away."
They cackled, squealing with laughter, until they entered the sauna and locked eyes with Yona herself.
"Y-your highness." Ayame gaped at her. "I'm so sorry to gossip, we didn't know you were here. We'll just go —"
There were four of them, all clutching their towels as they slowly backed away. Ayame was the only one Yona recognized, but they were all beautiful. They were a little older than Yona, with prettier curves than her skinny, boyish frame. She was sure they'd all make wonderful wives, and Hak could've had any of them. Yona still couldn't understand why he'd picked her.
"It's alright, don't leave." Yona forced a smile, even as she considered a few choice words for whichever one was Mei. "I already knew that. About Hak." She paused, watching Ayame. "Has it really been years, though?"
She knew Hak had feelings for her long before he said anything, but she never realized it had been that long. Her chest ached. All those years I gushed and worried about Suwon. How could she have been so stupid?
"Um," Ayame coughed, glancing at her friends. "Yes, but, don't worry about it. I'm sure he's fine. He knows it's unrequited."
"Oh really?" Yona's heart dropped. Even his friends didn't know she loved him. Was he hiding it from them?
"Yes, and besides!" Ayame plastered on a smile, taking a few hesitant steps into the room. The others followed, mirroring her feeble smile. "You must be so excited for your wedding to King Suwon."
"That's a rumor." Yona bristled, heat rising to her face. She couldn't help the anger in her words, and wasn't sorry for it, either, even as the girls all cringed.
"Oh?" Ayame shrank back, startled.
"I'm not engaged to Suwon." Yona made sure to emphasize each and every word, keeping her tone low and final. "Please don't say that again."
She took in the shocked looks on their faces. She could feel Lili, Ayura and Tetra's eyes on her too, and suddenly she had to say it. Yona wasn't sure why Hak wouldn't tell his friends about them, but she wanted them to know. She wanted everyone to know how she felt.
"The one I love is Hak." Yona let the words hang in the air, tipping her chin up in defiance. "I'd never marry anyone but him." She locked eyes with each of the Wind Tribe girls in turn, daring any of them to argue.
Instead they all softened, their shocked expressions melting into grins.
"Ooh, that's so wonderful!" Ayame rushed forward to take Yona's hands in hers. "Does he know?" She gushed, her words full of sudden warmth.
Yona blinked. "Well, yes."
"Ooh!" They all tittered, and then they were seating themselves around her, relaxing on the benches and giggling like they were all old friends.
"So he already confessed his feelings?" One of the girls asked, still grinning with the rest of them.
Yona softened too, smiling despite herself. Was this how it felt to have girlfriends? "Heh, yes he did," she admitted, feeling warm all over. "He actually yelled them at me."
"Typical Hak!" Ayame sighed, and they all laughed with her.
Another girl hummed, pinning Yona with a knowing smile. "But…" she wondered. "Have you kissed?"
Yona knew her face was burning red. "Y-yes…"
Lili gasped, elbowing her in the side. "You never told me that!"
"It never came up?" Yona covered her face, fighting the all too vivid images of Hak that flashed before her eyes. She couldn't think of kissing him at a time like this, not especially when she couldn't stop seeing him naked.
"Oooh!" The Wind Tribe girls all giggled, pushing her playfully and smiling around her.
"Is he your boyfriend?" Ayame asked.
"Uh…" Yona stammered.
"Lover?" Another girl suggested.
"N-no…" Yona put a hand out, waving them off. She'd never felt so embarrassed.
Ayame tilted her head, watching her. "Has he asked you to marry him?"
Yona took a deep breath. She'd come this far, after all. "Well, I mean," she started. "He sort of mentioned…the idea. This morning."
They all gasped. Yona wouldn't have thought they could get any more excited than they already were, but somehow their giggles and squeals of laughter only intensified.
"Ah! Lord Hak really is in love!"
"This is so amazing, you have to marry him."
"Say you will! Say you will!"
"Hush, all of you." Ayame settled them with a wave of her hand, smiling an apology at Yona. But still, she asked. "Will you say yes?"
Yona blinked, surprised to find her voice was gone and her mind was blank. Besides, how could she give any of them an answer when she hadn't given one to Hak?
"She's considering it," Lili cut in, and Yona shot her a grateful look. "Stop being so nosy, she said he just mentioned the idea."
But the Wind Tribe girls would not be deterred so easily.
"Won't you be nervous to sleep beside him for the first time?" One of them gushed, ignoring Lili completely.
"That?" Yona let out a breath, relieved. "We've slept next to each other plenty of times." She found her smile again, shrugging. "It's pretty normal by now."
"But, Princess Yona…" Ayura spoke up, her voice hushed and her eyes wide. "You wanted to know about what happens in a marriage bed…"
"In that case." Ayame raised her eyebrows, watching Yona too. Her tone held no judgment, but she did seem surprised. "You should consider getting married. Better now than after you get pregnant, right? You know Hak would force you to marry him then."
"No!" Yona squeaked, finally understanding their meaning. "It's just sleeping!" And yet, Hak's naked form flashed again before her eyes. She squeezed them shut, but it only made the memory more colorful. "He's never pulled his dagger on me, I swear!"
"Dagger?" One of the Wind Tribe girls murmured. They looked around at each other, confused.
Tetra sighed. "Ayura, this is your fault. You explain."
"We travel around in the woods all the time," Yona went on, ignoring them. "Sometimes we just have to, but he's a total gentleman. Very respectful." Although at this point, she was starting to wish he would be less so. "He keeps me safe from bears and bandits," she insisted, willing those thoughts away. "He keeps me warm. But he's never —" she stammered, her cheeks on fire. "We've never…" She waved her hands in front of her face, unable to say the words.
They all laughed then, Lili, Ayura and Tetra included, but it was in a knowing, caring way.
"Aw, that's so sweet," one of the Wind Tribe girls cooed. "We give him a hard time, but he's grown into such a good man. You're very lucky."
"Put him out of his misery and marry him," Ayame agreed, grinning. "He will love you forever. Seriously."
"Well, there's no rush." Yona reasoned, trying to rescue her pride. "Maybe we could be engaged for a while."
The Wind Tribe girls clucked their tongues. "You never know what tomorrow might bring," one of them said. "With all the battles and threats of war lately, the future is guaranteed to no one."
Another girl nodded, emphatic. "Oh yes," she gushed, leaning in. "You must lay with him as his wife before the next time he goes into battle. It will give him extra power to come back to you!"
Yona considered her. "Does that really work?"
"Yes, definitely!" The girl nodded. "Why do you think Ayame is marrying Saki now? She almost lost him in the war with Kai."
Yona's stomach twisted at the thought. Hak had been badly wounded too, so badly she'd thought she had lost him for real. She remembered again the way he'd kissed her when he finally woke up, that night in the rain. The way he'd stolen her breath away. He'd clutched her to him so tightly, like he'd been afraid to let go. And it really did seem to give him strength…
"Men fight much harder when they have a woman's love," another girl agreed, pulling Yona from those thoughts.
"Guys, please…" Ayame sighed, but they ignored her.
"You know it's true, Ayame," the third girl grinned. "If he's looking forward to your touch, he'll never let himself be killed."
"I see why you wouldn't want to wait, then." Yona stood. All of a sudden her head was so fuzzy and faint. She wobbled, grabbing onto Lili for support. "I think I need to lay down."
"You've been in the heat too long." Lili stood immediately, pulling Yona's arm around her shoulders. "I'll take you to your room. Come on, Yona."
The Wind Tribe girls parted, allowing Yona and Lili to pass, with Ayura and Tetra following close behind.
Yona paused as they neared the exit though, turning back to Ayame and the others. "Thank you, for sharing Hak with me," she said, her voice soft. Somehow she could barely get out the words, but she hoped they could hear her. "I promise, I'll love him forever."
They cooed at her yet again, smiling and waving goodbye. But all Yona saw were shaky blobs, as she struggled to blink back tears.
"Why are you crying, Yona?" Lili whispered, helping her change in the next room.
For a while, Yona couldn't speak. Her throat was too full of all the words she should've said to Hak, when he'd asked her what she thought about marrying him. She tried not to dwell on it, but she knew all too well the danger he put himself in on her behalf. He'd taken arrows for her, been poisoned and stabbed. He'd fought off whole armies to rescue her, carried her while he was beaten and bleeding. He'd die for her. He almost had so many times.
The girls were right. None of them were guaranteed tomorrow. I'll marry you right now. That's what she should have said. I want to be with you forever. Her heart ached with it.
"I have to talk to Hak." The words came out in quiet puffs as Lili guided her through the halls of the manor.
"You have to lay down — in your own bed," Lili chided. "Don't worry, you can talk to him later."
She was barely aware of Lili, Ayura and Tetra tucking her in under the covers back in her room. They blew out her candles and said goodbye, leaving Yona alone in the quiet half-light of twilight fading through the window outside.
Her eyes were too wet and heavy, the darkness too inviting. But she saw Hak's face as it pulled her under.
I never want to leave your side.