Ch 36- I Now Pronounce You…
May 1920
"Mummy you still love me?" Charlotte asked as her mother slipped the dress over her head, a rush of petal pink silk engulfing the girl's vision.
"Mummy always, always loves you Charlotte Carson." Elsie whispered, kissing Charlotte's forehead twice once the dress was on.
"No matter what?" She hiccupped.
"No matter what." Elsie smiled.
Several weeks had passed and the wedding was quickly approaching. Charlotte was excited because she was downstairs when all the dresses, including her own, arrived from the dressmaker. The little girl had grown just a bit recently and so Elsie quickly took her into her sitting room to try it on, needing to make sure that it still fit. Elsie beamed, getting on her knees with the girl, thinking she looked like a beautiful little doll. Even after five years of being her mother, she could barely believe that the sweet little girl was hers. She smiled, preoccupied with many of her own thoughts as she dressed her child, wondering if she'd one day have the pleasure of dressing her for her own wedding.
"Mummy?" Charlotte whispered. Elsie smiled, feeling her wee one's breath on her face. The child grabbed her mother's cheeks, making sure her gaze was on her. "Mummy do I look like a princess?" She whispered.
Charlotte had always wanted to look like a princess and moreover wanted to do it at Downton while she still could: it was the only place where she thought such fantasies were possible.
"Yes my wee girl you do look like a princess to mummy." She said, running her fingers through her daughter's hair.
"Mummy what you thinking?" She asked, noting her mother seemed somewhat distant. In reality, the word was reflective.
Elsie gathered herself and smiled. She had a lot on her mind. Good and bad. Present and future. She was worried about her husband and still didn't know what his concern was but he wouldn't confess it to her, even after many weeks and she was growing worried.
"That my little princess looks so much like a beautiful grown up lass and that mummy is so very proud of her."
Charlotte beamed. "Mummy does still love me!"
"Oh Charlotte where would you get the idea that I don't?"
"Charlotte feel left out because of brothers." Charlotte confessed. She had been holding this in for many months.
"Oooh my Charlotte. Your brothers do take up a bit of time the rambunctious lads." She giggled, thinking of her boys.
Elsie could see where her daughter might feel left out. Charlie and Sam were becoming quite pair and Benjamin had quickly taken his place as their third musketeer. The whole thing had put Charlotte out and the little girl didn't voice the thing heavy on her heart: that she was lonely.
"My love, you need never feel unloved. Your father and I treasure you. And so do all the little boys in your life."
Charlotte knew that Ben and her brothers still loved her and always would, but it didn't take the ache of loneliness she felt away. In many ways, she just wanted her twin to herself again. She felt that Charlie, her best friend, the boy she'd grown in her mother's womb with, had found a better friend in their baby brother and the idea crushed her. Charlotte stood on her tiptoes and kissed her mother's nose.
"Mummy and daddy love their Charlotte very much, no matter what changes in life or how big she grows." Elsie soothed, sensing her child's pain as she brushed her almost red hair out of her face.
The girl was stressed, not just by the changes in her social life, or her loneliness, but by the secret she kept: that Downton was in trouble. It was all too confusing for a five-year-old little girl and she felt continually overwhelmed and overly responsible at the thought. Charlotte paused and simply hugged her mother, the closeness easing the knot deep in her tummy.
"Charlotte." She kissed her cheek. "Mummy loves her sweet wee girl so very much more than anything in the whole world." Elsie sensed her daughter needed to be held and took her quickly on her lap.
"You no love brothers more?" She asked.
"No. Just the same as Charlotte, but that's so much more than mummy's heart can contain!" Elsie sighed; not saying her love for them overwhelmed her. "Your daddy and I could have absolutely nothing but you and your brothers and our world would be perfect." She whispered.
Charlotte's eyes widened like saucers, the idea of having nothing caught her ear. "You mean no food, no nothing?" She had to make sure of what her mother meant. The little girl tried not to cry. She was afraid they wouldn't have any food, like that other little Charlie, Ethel's boy. But they had daddy so there'd have to be food, right?
Elsie noticed her daughter's unease, taken aback by her obvious worry but said nothing about it. "No nothing my little love. Charlotte and Charlie and Samuel mean the world to mummy and daddy." Elsie smiled deeply as Charlotte, who sat on her knees facing her, grabbed both of her cheeks.
"Mummy you green." The child said matter of factly, suddenly changing the subject, her spirits seeming to brighten at the oddity.
"Oh? Am I?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door, mother and daughter looked up surprised and unhappy to have been interrupted.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Carson but Mrs. Patmore sent me to get you about some decisions that need to be made for the wedding dinner."
"Oh yes that's right." She sighed, giving Charlotte a kiss. "Thomas, can you take Charlotte back up to nanny please?"
Thomas watched as the little girl smiled and approached him, reaching her arms for him in excitement. It seemed strange to him that someone with Carson's blood coursing through her veins should take such a liking to him but he'd decided to accept the friendship, not knowing it would be one that would last him all his life. One day, the reigning adults of Downton Abbey, from Benjamin Crawley and Charlotte Carson to Sybbie Branson would all joke they'd grown up on Thomas's shoulders.
"Yes of course." He couldn't help but laugh a little as he placed her on his shoulders. "Up we go, Miss Charlotte."
"Green?" Elsie whispered to herself, touching her face as she went down the hall.
…
Two Days Later
The wedding couldn't have come quickly enough for some members of the household but for others like Carson and Lord Grantham it'd come all too soon. Both felt a bittersweet tug in their heart about marrying off Lady Mary, the kind of tug only fathers feel, and moreover both dreaded what would follow the wedding. It would be inevitable. Lord Grantham would start to make cuts and Carson would have to aid him. Together, the two men would have to sack nearly everyone in the house. Following that, Carson knew he would either be sacked himself or transferred to a very unhappy existence in London, his family and Mrs. Patmore in tow.
Carson had had little success in finding out what was truly to come and even less in forging a new path for himself. What he had been told was that he was indispensable to the family and that if nothing else he (not necessarily even he and Elsie) would likely keep his job. While somewhat relieved by Lord Grantham's assurance of security, Carson still bristled at the thought of all of this bad change and was mourning the house before it was even truly lost. He was a family man that was for sure. His life meant nothing without his wife and his children and while he'd briefly considered fleeing to Scotland with them, he realized that he didn't know who he was without Downton Abbey. He'd always thought he'd die there and haunt the walls forever after, family man or not and had no idea his young daughter felt much the same.
Knowing they wouldn't be cast out into the cold like everyone else, Carson felt slightly less guilty about keeping the transition from Elsie all of this time, but decided nonetheless that now, before the wedding was the time to relay the truth. The news and even the rumors of change would be widespread soon and he didn't want her to find out from anyone but him.
To him, letting her find out any other way smacked of betrayal and he could never betray her. Carson could see it now, she'd find out just before the wedding and not be speaking to him and when the minister pronounced Mary and Matthew wed, he'd instead feel sentenced.
"Mrs. Hughes." He said, poking his head out of his pantry as she passed. He noticed she was carrying a large basket full of laundry but paid it little mind. "I have something rather important to discuss with you."
"Oh?" She smiled. "It just so happens I have something to discuss with you Mr. Carson."
"Oh." He was a little surprised, and had hoped to not confuse the issue.
"Charlie I don't suppose it could wait, I do have to take this upstairs and it's a wee bit heavy." She said as the sheets began to wrestle and then giggle.
Carson did a double take, looking down to see his baby son lying in the basket mixed in with the clean sheets.
"Oh my wee lad's awake now." She teased, bouncing the basket as she began to walk away. "That means its time for your lunch and then to take you back to nanny. Charlie, we'll talk when we get home tonight?"
"V-very well then." He hesitated, shutting his door, wondering if he'd ever get to tell her.
….
The Wedding Day
Sybil smiled, grinning from ear to ear, watching from the steps of the church as Charlie and Ben played on the lawn. She still didn't regret her decision to leave Downton and marry Branson but she did miss her family, her baby brother especially. He watched her closely as he played with his friend. He was proud of himself and taking special care to ensure that she was watching.
"They sound like they're having fun. I can't believe how much they've grown." Tom remarked, laughing as Charlie shrieked.
"I got a froggie! Benjamin look, it's a froggie!"
Tom and Sybil laughed as Ben ran hurriedly over to see what his friend had found not knowing the boys had been on a days long quest for a frog, one they planned on later surprising Miss O'Brien with. The couple watched, amused as the boys stood in the middle of the lawn, even as guests filed into the church, looking eagerly at the frog.
"Can we bring him in? I mean we should invite him." Ben suggested, figuring it was only the right thing to do.
"Of course, but he does need a coat and tails, after all." Charlie added, a thought appropriate for Carson's son.
"Yes. Your papa will be very cross if he's not dressed right." Ben remarked, the term papa causing Charlie to wonder for the first time why Ben and his sisters said papa and he and his sister said daddy or da.
"I've got to get back. It's almost time to go in. Do you want help with them?" Tom whispered to his wife, kissing her cheek.
"No, no. I can handle it." She giggled. Sybil walked away from the church steps and went to the boys when her husband went inside. "What are you up to?" She inquired kindly.
"Sybil, look we found froggie!" Ben squealed, excited to share his news with his favorite sister.
"Can he come to the wedding?" Charlie pled as Sybil bent down on her knees to talk to them.
"I don't think he'd feel entirely welcome." She said, turning to see her husband, whom she knew also didn't feel welcome. He'd come back outside with Matthew and began to greet people.
"But he's our froggie and we wanna keep him." Ben said, reaching out to pet the frog that Charlie held.
The frog made a loud, guttural ribet sound that caused the boys to squeal and laugh, each pulling away from it for a moment before poking it again.
"I want to take him home." Ben admitted.
"I wanna show my brother." Charlie said, knowing Sam would become very delighted by the sight of the frog. He would laugh and clap and probably try to eat it or hug it he wasn't sure which.
"Well, I hardly think frogs are welcome at weddings." Sybil started, knowing she wouldn't convince the boys to give it up.
"We know we don't have tails for him." Charlie hiccupped as Sybil laughed.
"I'll tell you what. I'll keep him, in my purse, right here, see? And when we return to the abbey, we'll find a place to keep him." She promised, gently taking the frog.
The boys watched eagerly as she scooped their new friend up and put him in her small handbag. Ben took her hand as she led them back to the church and rested his head against her arm, so happy to be with her he felt practically in heaven.
"I wove you Sybil, you're my faborite." Ben whispered loudly enough for everyone to hear.
"I love you too." She smiled, beaming down at him. The sun eclipsed her hair and her eyes and the image of her in that moment stuck in his mind, as something he'd always remember.
"And my brother is here too." He smiled up at Tom. "Are you my brother now too?" He asked, tugging on Matthew's jacket, the question catching him off guard.
Matthew Crawley smiled, looking down at the boy who'd by birth stolen his place as heir. Benjamin knew nothing of this, or of his sister Mary's secret dislike of him and searched the man's eyes for approval. But unlike Mary, Matthew was kind.
"Yes I suppose I am. It should be nice to have a little brother." He figured.
"Benjamin?" Charlie asked.
"Hmmm?"
"Isn't it odd that your brothers are grown up and mine is just a baby?"
But Ben didn't have time to answer, as just then the brigade of flower girls approached. They made their way into the church in an orderly fashion, four rows of two girls, the tallest in the front, and the littlest in the back. Charlotte caught Ben's eye at once, she was the littlest girl in the lot of them and the only one with her red-auburn hair. Ben said nothing, his thoughts and his words so jumbled he couldn't sort them as she walked by. Charlie attempted to speak to his twin, but she turned her nose at him, whispering instead to one of the other girls.
"Hey!" Charlie cried. "What was the idea of that? Ben what did… Ben?" He asked, turning to his friend, realizing he was still staring in Charlotte's direction. "Hey what did she do that for? And why are you staring?"
"I… she…" Ben stammered. "Charlotte's pretty today."
"Ew, no she isn't!" Charlie cried.
Sybil, the only adult who'd been paying attention, got on her knees, finding the whole thing very cute. "Charlie yes she was, she looked like a little princess." Ben nodded in agreement.
…
A Half An Hour Earlier
"You look beautiful Mrs. Carson, you'll be the most beautiful woman in the room." Carson smiled as she walked into the hall from her sitting room, happy to see his wife in something other than one of her ordinary black dresses.
She was all dressed up and held Sam in both of her arms, bouncing him carefully as he sucked on his fingers. Although he was still a true baby, with no teeth and very little hair, Sam was big and looked it when in his tiny mother's arms. Carson chuckled and tickled his son's cheek, proud as he gazed at his family. Having been interrupted at every turn, he'd still not told Elsie his news and was going to force her to listen right after the wedding. But for now he was in awe of her. She looked so beautiful standing there with Sam she seemed to glow or shine somehow.
"I do not Mr. Carson and it's not my day I'm not the bride."
"Everyday in my eyes is your day because everyday you're my beautiful bride." Carson smiled, leaning in to kiss his wife.
Sam kicked his feet and gurgled happily as his father leaned in to his mother, squishing him in the middle. Mrs. Patmore smiled briefly, watching from the other room before turning her back to yell at Daisy. Elsie sighed as he leaned his forehead against hers.
"Mummy, Daddy!" Charlotte burst, tugging on her father's jacket.
She'd come downstairs with the nanny's permission before all the flower girls left for the church. Charlie and Benjamin were already there with Matthew Crawley, Tom and Sybil.
"Well hello my little sweetheart!" Carson beamed. "My you look so beautiful."
"Thank you daddy!" She giggled as he swept her into his arms and kissed her cheek.
Elsie smiled, tears in her eyes as she watched how sweet her husband was to their little girl. It was the most precious thing on earth to her, to watch him be the father she always knew he would be. Some days it was still surreal. Today especially.
"Charlotte you look so wonderful my lass."
"Thank you mummy!"
"Charlotte." He said quietly. "I just want you to remember. Daddy thinks you'll be the prettiest girl in the whole room."
Charlotte smiled deeply, seeming touched by her father's words.
"No daddy that's Lady Mary's job because she's getting married!"
"I'm sure she'll be beautiful but, Charlotte will still be the prettiest girl in the room." He assured.
Elsie was deeply touched he could say this to their daughter when she knew he still loved Mary almost like a daughter. The notion took Elsie back to a time that had pained her so much, when she couldn't have a child and her husband doted on little lady Mary as if she were his. It had hurt her so much. Back then she had no hope of ever being where she was now and never would've imagined her young children would be in Mary's wedding. In hindsight the thought was overwhelming and in that moment her heart flooded with graditude and awe.
"You look wonderful my lass, but you need to head upstairs now. The prettiest girl." Elsie teased when Charlotte left. "I think you say that to all the girls."
"Just to my girls." He promised.
…..
"Would you like me to take him?" Carson asked, watching as his wife held their smallest son.
They stood in church waiting for the ceremony to begin. Sam kicked and cooed happily, sucking on his hands, as he looked around, delighted by all the people. The baby boy was a people person. Carson had wanted to hold his son all morning and thought Elsie seemed to be having quite a time holding him still.
"No Mr. Carson he's alright. But he is certainly your wee lad." She laughed.
Carson beamed, his heart softened by his wife's smile. He watched, almost tearing up as she looked down into their baby's face, whispering to him and causing him to giggle. He stopped when the music started to play and they all turned toward the aisle. The flower girls came first and Carson's heart leapt when he saw his little girl. She looked so precious and so grown up at once. It made him feel like time was slipping away. In an instant her little life flashed before his eyes: baby Charlotte, present Charlotte, and Charlotte as a grown woman walking down the same aisle. Tears started to toll down his cheeks realizing it was coming all too soon.
Sam gurgled and reached for his sister when he saw her, kicking his mother hard in the process.
"Shu, calm down my lad." Elsie whispered. "Besides, you wouldn't want to kick your baby sister would you?"
"Elsie?!" Carson asked under his breath, his eyebrows rising as he turned to her. She smiled, almost blushing, holding their baby but declining to answer him as the music started to play.
He stared back at her as the wedding officially began. She smiled, swaying Samuel gently in her arms as she watched the proceedings but he'd checked out, unable to focus on anything but her or hear anything other than what she'd just said. He came to when she gently reached over and took his hand as the minister said:
"Do you Matthew take thee Mary…"
"Oh I take thee Elsie." He whispered, tears in his eyes as he squeezed her hand.
The couple, who'd eloped so many years before had never gotten the chance to exchange their vows in a church, or in front of people who they loved and in the moment (his heart already full of love after what she'd just said) he decided that now was the time for them to reaffirm their commitment. The thought touched her so deeply it brought her to tears.
"And I take thee my Charlie." She whispered back, crying now. "In sickness and in health."
"To love, honor and cherish, with thy body and the whole of my being I thee worship." He wiped the tears from her eyes, repeating what he'd said to her on their wedding night.
"As long as we both shall live." She whispered, turning to him with love in her deep blue eyes.
Sam reached down and gurgled as he placed his tiny hand on top of his parent's clasped hands. They laughed quietly through their tears and intertwined his tiny palm in their joined grasp as the minister pronounced them wed.