Ch 37- Something To Tell You
"Elsie?" Carson asked, still stunned by her words when the ceremony was over and they began to make their way to the reception.
He'd barely been able to hold in his questions for all that time. She smiled knowingly and let him continue talking, almost in a panic. He couldn't believe his ears and she could tell he was nervous.
"Elsie I…again? Really? When you said you didn't…"
They were walking with scores of other people along the path to Downton, the world seeming to rush around them. But for Carson it was like only they were there, he was still in some measure shocked. He grabbed her arm gently, stopping her as the bulk of the crowd hurried on ahead, their own children and Benjamin ran by in passing as they played a little game together. Charlotte's time with the other girls had not lasted long and she ended up back with her pack of boys. Lonely or not she would soon realize this was where she was meant to be. Sam sucked his fingers, gazing up at his stunned father. Elsie smiled and took his hand, placing it on her midsection, just aside from where Sam rested on her hip.
"Mr. Carson, this is Lucy." She told him, tears coming to his eyes in an instant.
"Lucy?" He asked carefully.
She nodded quickly tears in her eyes as he leaned down to kiss her.
"Are you sure?" He asked; his eyes sparkled.
"Dr. Clarkson says she's going to be a Christmas baby."
"A Christmas baby. Elsie that's perfect." He beamed. "That's absolutely perfect."
"Your symptoms are consistent with the first trimester of pregnancy." Dr. Clarkson had said.
It had all happened very randomly when Elsie took Samuel for his checkup a day earlier and she'd confessed to the doctor that she didn't feel very well herself. She hadn't really noticed until Charlotte told her she was green.
"You're having me on." Elsie's eyes widened. "I only just had him he's a tiny wee baby!" She reminded. Sam hiccupped as his mother held him up on the exam table. Sam took the end of the stethoscope Dr. Clarkson was wearing and put it up to his ear.
"And Samuel's the picture of health." He smiled at the baby.
"This soon? I need to sit down."
Dr. Clarkson sighed. "I do hope you're not upset."
"N-no… just surprised is all." Elsie's mind slipped back several weeks to the cold, stormy night in the kitchen with her husband and very suddenly her cluttered mind seemed to clear.
Elsie had had no idea how she was going to tell him about the surprise baby. She'd been nervous and figured she'd keep it to herself for a while and that one evening, probably as he came into her pantry, she'd begin with: "Mr. Carson, I have something to tell you." But as soon as Sam kicked her, right in her tummy, then out it came. Carson was shocked but deeply touched by the news. For him, her announcement had been perfect right down to the last syllable uttered and the beautiful glow of her eyes. He wanted another daughter so much, but since there was no way of knowing whether or not the child really was a Lucy, he decided to welcome the idea of baby William into his heart earlier than he had with Sam.
"Come here my baby lad." Carson said, taking him from Elsie. The baby whimpered in protest, wanting to stay with his mom. "Mummy's little back needs a break from you Sam and daddy misses his big, strong boy and has wanted to hold him all day long." Sam would've continued to cry if Carson hadn't kissed his cheek. "You're going to have a little baby brother or sister your age to play with soon, did you know that my Samuel?"
"I am worried about that though…"
"What?"
"I'm going to try not to wean him… as best I can. I refuse to have him bottle fed with what happened to Charlie … and I'm afraid that because of this I won't be able to give him the love and attention I've given the others, and I love my baby boy so much. He doesn't even barely have hair yet Mr. Carson!"
Elsie adored her baby son and had been intent for a long time now on coddling him for as long as she could. In some way, this threw a wrench into things. Carson smiled suddenly, jostling the baby in his arms.
"Well then, we will just have to make sure that Samuel never goes without our affections. We were able to do that with twins, Mrs. Hughes this shouldn't be too different. I love this wee lad of ours he means more to me than I do to myself, did you know that Samuel?"
Elsie watched her husband coddle the baby boy as they walked back to Downton, yards behind everyone else. The baby giggled in his dad's face, smiling brightly and Elsie smiled inside, unable to help but think about what a wonderful father he was. Things were just as she'd always known they could be. Soon, they would have four children and a crowded tiny little house and part of Elsie wondered if they'd gone overboard.
"Elsie we weren't even trying…" He said, still focused on Sam. He'd wanted one more and she'd said no.
"I should hope not. We have our three and I'm getting a bit old for it."
Elsie was happy but scared. She wasn't completely sure she was up to having another baby, no matter how much she loved her baby. She didn't know how to tell him that without having him think she was upset or that she didn't want it. Oh how she wanted it, she was just afraid it would be the end of her.
"Don't tell me you're unhappy." He said. It would crush him if she were unhappy carrying his baby.
"No." She said quickly. "Never. I could never be unhappy about our baby. I'm just surprised."
"Well I am so very happy my Mrs. Hughes and so will the twins be. My Elspeth we tried for a family for so long, lets enjoy every second of it. We owe it to ourselves. Number four, Elsie." He squeezed her hand. "Number four. I cannot believe it." His heart flipped at the thought that he was going to be a daddy again.
"Well prepare yourself for baby boy number three."
"How do you figure that?" He arched his eyebrows at her.
"Oh Mr. Carson I can't get pregnant without having a lad." She giggled. "Haven't you noticed?"
"Why yes I have." He laughed. "Wonderful sons Elsie." He said, lifting Sam up high and kissing his nose. "Wonderful sons."
"Yes Mr. Carson wonderful sons and beautiful daughters. But I do have a question; what have you been meaning to tell me?"
She'd felt sick ever since Charlotte had told her she was green and didn't know she was about to experience the worst morning sickness she'd ever had. Her impending illness made her feel much more on edge about whatever it was her husband was keeping from her. She knew she couldn't emotionally handle pregnancy and being left in the dark by him at the same time.
Carson paused, having been so shocked by her news that he'd momentarily forgotten the life-changing dilemma he'd yet to inform her of. His heart began to pound at the thought of another mouth to feed on half the salary and he didn't know what to say to her so he simply started to laugh.
'Oh my lord.' He said to himself as he laughed. 'My wife's pregnant. We might have nothing and my wife's pregnant.'
"Charlie?"
"Oh Elsie." He sighed, leaning down and kissing her deeply. "I love you, oh how I love you Mrs. Carson."
She smiled and squeezed his hand. They could have nothing in the world but each other and their wonderful four and it would be enough.
…..
The next day the family departed for London leaving Carson uncertain as to the ground on which he stood. There'd been talk of a large sum of money. Carson had overheard it after the wedding once the guests and the new couple had left. It would seem that Matthew Crawley had inherited the estate of the late Miss Swire's father and that he was offering the sum for the sake of Downton, so that it could be saved. But Lord Grantham was prideful.
"I'm going to London." He'd told Carson privately. "To put some affairs in order, and to think it all over."
Carson was uneasy but understood his employer's thoughts. There was a lot to think over. He didn't know if he could seriously consider another man's bailing him out if he were Lord Grantham. At the same time he needed answers. He still needed to talk to Elsie and didn't know how to break the news to her now that she was pregnant. He felt the need to be far gentler with her now than even before and this was not a subject one could make gentler.
Carson walked home late after the family left for the city. Elsie had taken the children home hours before and he was tired, but decided to enjoy the time he was about to spend with his family. He had told Lord Grantham privately of Elsie's newfound condition, and had been permitted to stay home with his family for a while before coming to London.
The rain started to fall as he neared home. He ran into the house, greeted by the warmth of the fire and the aroma of his wife's cooking. She was setting the table by the time he approached and he could hear the twins playing upstairs. He took a moment and just sighed; soaking in everything his home was and all he carried in his heart of it.
"Lucy." He smiled coming up behind his wife as she sat the table. He encircled her with his great big, loving arms and kissed her neck softly as she giggled, trying and failing to push him away. "Charlie and Charlotte and Samuel and Lucy. How incredibly wonderful my Mrs. Hughes." He said, hugging her tight. "We're going to get to live on in four beautiful people who are all our own. In a daughter, in two strong sons, and now a fourth, possibly a Lucy, or a William or a James or an Andrew." He kissed her neck again and she shut her eyes gently.
"How does that make you feel Mr. Carson?" She asked. He placed his hands on her stomach and she giggled, putting her hands over his as he kissed her neck again.
"Like I were the proudest man in the whole of the world." He said simply. The real answer was strong, young, virile: so in love with her.
Sam observed from his place in his highchair, holding his spoon as he watched his father hold his mother tight. He was far too little to understand what was being said, or even what they'd tried to explain to him, but on some level he understood the love conveyed by the way his father held his mother in his arms. She turned around in his grasp and placed her arms around his, sinking into his lips before kissing his nose.
"And I the proudest woman." She whispered, tears in her eyes as he kissed her neck again. The real answer was truly and deeply happy.
She was still afraid, but over the past day she'd realized how happy her heart was. The couple had known jointly of their news, for a day, and were still overwhelmed. Carson was beyond thrilled and if it weren't for the sake of the children would've tried to take his wife against the wall when he got home that night, as he did when they were first married.
"I love you Charles Carson." She kissed him softly, whispering into his mouth. "Thank you for sticking by me."
"I love you Elspeth Hughes, thank you for never giving up on our family and the idea that we would have one. Even after three, I can't believe we're having a baby!"
"Aaaaoo!" They pulled apart when they heard their baby son burst.
"Oh my lad!" Elsie giggled as her husband began to laugh. Sam dropped his spoon and leaned over the side of his highchair, trying to reach for it.
"Come here my darling boy!" Carson said.
"Charlie, Charlotte, its time for supper, loves." Elsie called.
"Should we tell them?" Carson asked, lifting his baby into his arms and kissing his cheek.
"Yes. Now I think it's time to tell them, after dinner when its time for their bedtime story."
…
"Awweeee." Samuel Carson squealed, his yawn overtaking his chunky little body and forcing him to close his eyes.
The baby lay near the nursery window looking out at the stars that shown brightly in the spring sky. The clouds had cleared and the twins had fallen asleep before their parents had had the chance to tell them their very special news. Charlie put the twins to bed but Elsie had been unable to get Sam to sleep. So the exhausted mother laid him in his crib, giving the mobile a swift turn and placing a simple kiss upon his chubby little cheek. Elsie was too tired to rock her babe to sleep and so was her husband, so since he was quiet they left him to lull himself to dreamland.
But Sam was eager to stay awake. The little boy blinked and stretched as he grabbed his stuffed lamb, shoving the top of its head in his mouth and beginning to chew on it. He yawned again, slobbering on the lamb as he looked outside. The baby found the night's sky, accompanied with the sounds of his big brother snoring like a train, comforting. He didn't know he was still used to lying awake inside his mum, hearing his dad snore louder than his big brother could hope to.
Sam yawned again, stretching as he let go of the lamb. Something inside the little boy urged him to drift off into a restless sleep, but yet still something else would not rest. He blinked a few times, studying his mobile, something that had been a gift from Lord and Lady Grantham. He squealed, looking up at the animals as they danced and reached up to grab one of them. Very suddenly his tiny tummy rumbled and he grimaced, realizing how very hungry he was.
Sam looked around for mummy for a moment, realizing she wasn't there. The little boy quickly grew frustrated, torn between the need for sleep, the desire to lie at peace and stare out into the night's sky and finally, the sudden, strong desire for a midnight snack. And with that, the frustrated baby began to cry.
Elsie sighed from her place turning down the bed at her husband's side. She was exhausted and hoped her babe would self-soothe and go to sleep, his twin siblings could do that at his age and Sam never did. Still she didn't hesitate to abandon her bed, and the things she was about to discuss with her husband and head back into the nursery.
"Oh my sweetheart." Elsie soothed as she reached into the crib and lifted him to her chest, kissing his cheek and beginning to cuddle him. "My lad just needs a little bit of extra cuddling from mummy, doesn't he my love?"
"He's awake?" Carson asked upon her return.
"He's hungry." Elsie explained, kissing the baby's head.
She climbed into bed with Sam and unbuttoned her nightgown a bit, sighing as she began to nurse him. Carson gave a frustrated sigh, wondering if he'd ever get to say what was on his mind without interruption. Now that Sam was awake it was hardly the right time for a confession or a fight. Elsie felt the same. She had one question to breech which she'd already beaten to death and gotten nowhere with. He'd insisted he was about to address it; but she doubted it. And worse, part of her dreaded hearing what he had to say, knowing it wasn't something good. She smiled, looking down into Sam's tiny face as he nursed.
"You'd think he hadn't eaten all day." Carson laughed, rubbing the top of the boy's head in a circular motion that usually made him sleepy.
He was nervous about the conversation they were about to have, and wondered if she knew something he didn't. At the same time, he took comfort in his tiny son, the baby who did everything from eating to playing, with vigor. Carson decided, in that moment, to let his fear go and focus on enjoying his wife and baby that night. He didn't know that in that moment, Elsie made the same choice.
"My mighty wee babe." Elsie whispered in Sam's face as she nursed him, causing him to giggle as he pulled away. Elsie laughed, rubbing her nose against his before laying him down on the bed facing them.
"Mighty wee babe?" Carson questioned, amused suddenly. "He is a mighty wee one isn't he?"
Elsie giggled as her husband began to tickle their son. Sam shrieked loudly, laughing almost uncontrollably. Elsie started to laugh too, joining her husband in tickling their son's chubby cheeks and tummy. She was a little upset that this might keep the previously sleepy baby awake, but couldn't keep herself from joining in the fun. Carson and Elsie leaned down at once as the baby continued to giggle, each kissing one of his cheeks.
In the other room, the sound of the baby's laughter had woken Charlie and Charlotte and caused the groggy twins to rise from their beds like zombies, both wondering what was going on in the other room.
"Is it the thing again?" Charlie squinted, rubbing his eyes as she and his sister stood curious outside their parent's door.
"No." Charlotte yawned. "Cause Sam's there with them and mummy's not shouting."
"Mummy and daddy are loud sleepers." Charlie remarked innocently, his eyes barely open.
The twins knew their parents sometimes locked the bedroom door and wanted to be alone, and that sometimes they (mum in particular) were loud when that happened, but they knew giggling with Sam wasn't the same thing.
"Mummy?" Charlotte yawned, pushing the door open her twin following at her heals.
"My lad and lass its bedtime did we wake you?" She asked. The twins nodded groggily, rubbing their eyes as they approached their parent's bed.
Carson held out his arms as his older son climbed into them. Charlotte did the same with her mum. Elsie was tired and kissed her little girl's head as she watched her baby boys yawn. In that instance, little Charlie started to shriek as his dad tickled his ribs. His big brother's laughter caused Sam to giggle again, shoving his hands inside of his mouth. Charlotte was tired but her brother's laughter was infectious and she began to laugh too.
"See what you've done Mr. Carson you took three sleepy children and given them the giggles!" Elsie cried.
"Me next, me next!" Charlotte cried as her brother laughed out loud. She took a pillow and swung it at him.
Sam yawned again, bursting into giggles as he shoved his bare toes into his mouth.
"Oh Samuel don't eat your toes! Don't eat your toes love!" Elsie laughed, holding her daughter close as she leaned in to rub her nose against the baby's.
"Now." Carson announced, placing Charlie back on his chest as he laughed. "It's time for us all to go to sleep."
"Daddy me next! Me next!" Charlotte cried.
"Charlotte." He said sternly. "It's bedtime."
Charlotte shrieked when without warning he snatched her from her mother's arms and lifted her high. He kissed her forehead when he brought her down on his chest next to her twin and Charlie wrapped his own arms around her, kissing her cheek.
"We sleep here." Charlie said as he and his sister crawled out of their father's arms and nestled themselves under the covers between their parents.
"Very well." Carson sighed.
"Story dada." Charlotte yawned, nestling into her mother's side.
"Should we tell them Mrs. Carson?" Carson wasn't sure and looked to his wife for direction. After all, it was very late. She cuddled Sam close his little eyes began to droop.
"Tell us what daddy?" Charlie wanted to know.
"Yeah daddy, tell us what?" Charlotte asked excitedly.
"Very well." Carson began. "We have an early Christmas present for our lads and our wee lass." He couldn't cold back his smile, recalling that they'd told the twins about Samuel's impending birth in a similar fashion, as a birthday present.
"Chwistmas in spring?" Charlie asked, amused by the idea.
"Ooooh." Charlotte marveled, wondering what they would tell them so far in advance.
Charlie and Elsie paused, both bursting with joy, excited to see how the twins would react.
"Charlie, Charlotte." Carson began. "At Christmas time..."
"At Christmas, mummy's going to have another baby."
"Haa!" Charlie cried. "Really?"
But Charlotte started to scream and squeal in excitement. "Baby! My baby! My baby!" She cried. "My baby!"
"Yes my wee girl, we're going to have another baby in the house."
Charlotte's heart burst at the thought hoping, against all hope it seemed, that she might have a sister.
"But mummy." Charlie stopped suddenly, his eyes welling with tears. "I love Sam, he's my brother I wanna keep him!" He started to blubber. "I don't want a different brother."
"Oh Charlie." Carson soothed, taking his older son in his arms, the boy's words a reminder of how little the twins really were.
Charlotte nodded quickly, understanding her twin's fear and Elsie laughed, hugging Sam tight as he nodded off in her embrace.
"Oh my lad and my lass, mummy and daddy love their baby Samuel so much. Having another baby simply means we get a new baby brother or sister to love. It means there will be four of you. It doesn't mean we have to give up our Samuel, and mummy and daddy would never give him up, no matter what because we love him so, so much."
"And just because there's to be a new baby." Carson added. "Doesn't mean that Samuel's not a baby anymore."
"Haaaa!" Charlie's eyes brightened, his twin catching on immediately.
"Two babies like us!" She said, her twin growing excited too.
Elsie smiled. "That's right my loves: two babies like you."
…
"I hope he'll be alright when the baby comes." Elsie whispered. An hour later they lay in bed, the children fast asleep between them. "When the baby comes we'll have four babies to cuddle…"
"At that we will." He said, kissing her softly. "We have perfect, wonderful children my Mrs. Hughes." He smiled deeply as Charlie began to snore again. "I know you're worried." He said and she looked up suddenly. "But you're a wonderful mother and you've no reason to fear that it'll be too much, or that Samuel will be neglected. We'll be together in this every step Elsie. That I promise."
"You're worried too." She swallowed hard, almost staring him down. "And you still won't tell me why."
Carson sighed, playing with his older son's hair. "My Elsie…. Downton, as you may know has encountered some… financial difficulties."
"And?"
"And. And well there is no easy way to say this. It may fold. They may sell."
"Charlie!" She cried, her eyes welling with tears.
She wouldn't normally have been so emotional, but she found this particular pregnancy was making her just that. She wasn't so sad over the abbey, but her own home, knowing they'd have to leave it.
"It's why I inquired about Scotland."
"All that time ago?"
"I didn't wish to worry you, you see. Lord Grantham has since assured me that should they fold up the house they will keep me on, and probably you but if not… if not Elsie I think we should keep our home and stay here, I will work in London and we will go back and forth."
Elsie swallowed her tears. She didn't want a life like that, of going back and forth. She wanted what she had. Moreover, she didn't know how she'd manage four small children on her own without her beloved.
"I-I don't want to do without you." She cried. "I, I can't do it without you."
"I'll always be with you my Elspeth." He said, his breath on hers as she started to cry. "Don't, don't cry my sweetheart. We will find a way and we will be together. Oh my Elsie."
"Charlie…"
"There is one option, a secret I'm privy to. Mr. Crawley came into some money, from the late Miss Swire's father. It's a fortune enough to make Downton safe for generations." Carson said, not knowing he spoke into the future, of generations of his own blood, not just the Crawley's. "And he's offered it to Downton."
"Oh?" Elsie asked hopefully.
"Yes. Now we must pray he takes it."
Charlotte drifted in and out of sleep as her parents conversed, understanding the conversation. She fell asleep with hope in her heart, praying that Lord Grantham would choose to save Downton as she'd so longed to do.
….
"I'm unsure I can do it." Robert voiced.
"But do it you must Robert, for the sake of our son."
"For the sake of our son, it's because of our son that Matthew doesn't get his due!"
Benjamin raised his eyebrow, hugging his teddy bear tightly. He sat outside of his parent's London bedroom in the dark hall, having been beaconed there by the sounds of their rather loud argument. When he got there, he'd been surprised to discover that he was a central part of his dispute, and that he'd somehow kept Matthew from something. He wasn't sure what, or how. He knew Mary had their whole life planned, that it would be perfect and that they'd have everything they ever wanted. What Ben didn't understand was that she hoped he would loose his future title and that her desire for that would be a source of discontent for him and the future Lady Grantham for much of their lives.
"Don't you dare say that!" Cora barked. "He's your own child, he deserves your title and your estate and more than that your love above all."
"My love and devotion he has unquestionably…" Robert almost barked.
"Then why aren't you considering what's best for him? And for all of us?"
"And why aren't you?" He yelled, stopping and trying to calm himself. "I feel it dishonorable to…"
"It's a good offer." She said calmly. "And he has married into the family. He didn't have to offer it at all and I believe he did it for Mary's love of Downton and for his love of you." She snapped and he stayed silent for a moment.
"And what do his children get?"
"Robert. His children aren't Downton's heirs."
"Precisely! Cora it isn't fair to them. To Mary and Matthew."
Cora sighed, angry as she put down the magazine she was flipping through. "Do you have a favorite child Robert?"
"No!" He gasped, almost offended.
"Then quit considering Mary's feelings above all else."
"She agrees with you." He considered.
"She wants her heirs to be the heirs and by saying no, by not accepting this money, you in someway play right into her hands. A lack of money to the estate makes Benjamin and his title venerable and dependent on them in the future. So you see, she wins either way and believe me, she knows that."
Edith's eyes widened as she came up behind her little brother, shocked to hear her mother acknowledge that Mary would win this battle either way by design. She didn't think she'd live to hear anyone say such a thing about the wonderful Mary and now that such a remark had come from her own mother she thought she might roll over and die. Robert was shocked by his wife's words as well. He'd never known her to speak like this but perhaps she was right?
"Cora you… do you have a favorite child?" He suspected Benjamin was hers.
"No." She laughed, clearly offended. "I love that Sybil was brave enough to do what was best for her." He winced when she said this. "I love that Edith is slowly forging her own path. I love them all in equal measure, including Mary but I won't have my son loose what's his by birthright."
"Edith, why would they take away my being Lord Benjamin?" He asked innocently.
She smiled kindly and lifted him into her arms. "Come on, I'll make you some tea and explain everything."
"I've got news for you Robert: she's been gunning for his title since the moment I got pregnant! And come hell or high water she's not going to have it!"
Robert stopped cold, finally understanding how serious this was, but not wanting to admit it. "Matthew would have to be a partner." He reasoned. "It's the only way I'd do it." He said calmly, uneasy about his wife's words, knowing there was truth to them. Robert would not live to see the extent of that truth, nor would Matthew who would never have approved of what would ultimately be.
"Take the money then." She took a breath and lowered her voice. "Let him have a say, and control it all from within. As your mother says: let it be our creature." She said his back turned to her now as he faced the roaring fire in the hearth. His heart was heavy and swelled with doubt and anger. He was about to question her again when she spoke once more. "Tie it tight Robert." She began, a hint of bitterness rolling off of her tongue. "Just like your father did with me and my money."
He turned to her angrily when she said this, about to ask why she always had to bring up his father who had not treated her or her money well but stopped when he saw she was crying.
"Oh my darling…"
"I don't really care you know. I'd go anywhere with you." She said, tears coming to her eyes. "I love Downton, but I love you so much more Robert Crawley. For richer, for poorer. Estate or no estate. Title or no title." She continued, crawling to the edge of the bed as he walked back to her. "Whatever happens, you will always have my heart."
"And you mine my darling." He said as he took her in his arms and held her
tight. He swallowed hard, trying not to cry too. He'd felt so blessed, all the days of his life to have her.
"But my need to protect your son and what's his is strong. I'm directed to do it by something outside of myself, not out of favoritism but of a kind of knowing. I don't want him to face the things that we have and moreover I want him to have the most precious thing that I have."
"And what is that?" He asked, confused for a moment.
She smiled almost giggling, knowing the words she was about to utter would take away some of the sting of the argument they'd had. "I want him to do what I did." She said, kissing him softly. "And marry for love, not money."