"Thinking"

"Talking"

"Impactful word"

Shepard POV

Avoidance.

That was the best word to describe Akane's recent behaviour. She scarcely made an appearance and when she did, conversations were kept to a bare minimum. Moreso what had her concerned were the bags under her blank eyes, indicating a serious lack of sleep.

She would have confronted her by now hadn't she been the one at fault for her resigned manner. It had gotten to the point where the rest of the crew also shared their concern for the assassin. Mainly Tali and Garrus (surprisingly even Wrex!), for Akane had intentionally not attended any of their usual training session or lessons, which was strange because they had a well-established routine by now that the teen diligently followed.

And all that because Jane took a step too far, misinterpreting Akane's more welcoming behaviour towards Tali as a shared privilege. Her intentions were purely innocent as she had tried to mess with the assassin for a bit, which she now came to regret. She felt guilty for overstepping the boundaries Akane was apparently not yet ready to cross and was more than once overcome by the desire to check in on her for the past week.

But her gut told her to give Akane time... and space.

"She will come to me when she feels like it."

And for the time being, that was all she could hope from the teen.

She hadn't felt such inner turmoil since...

"Since mother died."

And it took only one moment of weakness; of lowering her walls.

A good night sleep suddenly became a luxury her haunted mind wouldn't give her. Things that were neglected during the war came rushing back in full. It was as if every emotion she hadn't allowed herself to feel since their mother died caught up with her now.

Control; that was what she had been exercising since joining the ranks of shinobi. That's why she was so favoured by both Ijima and Tani. For her ability to quell her emotions to the brink of non-existence; as by the rules of old. However, she didn't do it to abide by the rules but because the state of the world demanded it. An apocalypse wasn't a place for the weak-hearted.

Everything became unnecessary in face of extinction.

And for three years, it had been her wrath and her fierce drive to protect what was left of her family that stimulated her single-minded strive for power. She had driven herself to her utmost limits in order to gather enough of it, often neglecting those very same people she sought to protect. So much that she almost didn't notice the change that overtook their father... until it was too late.

Would his fate have been different if she had paid him more attention? Showed more support and offered closure like with Shirone? Another question that was never going to be answered.

She hadn't realized until later that her goal let her cross paths with someone that would ameliorate her spiteful life.

Haruko Uchiha, the man that held her heart to this very day.

He had taught her things she had long forgotten but most importantly - he had shown her the error of her ways. He was the sole reason those vengeful thoughts had been driven out of her mind for good. There was no precise way of knowing where this bellicostic vengeance would have taken her, had she continued, but like a tumour that had long feasted on her existence, she was forever grateful for its absence.

Such achievement was wrought solely through his love— their love, he would reprimand her —that she had been spared of a gruesome fate. One filled with things she wouldn't wish

Ah, she remembered with a peculiar pain that gripped her at the heart, how their love was one slow to realize but quick to burn as they were drawn to each other from the very first time their onyx orbs had met. One might ask why they hadn't acted upon that connection right away, when it had been so apparent to them? The answer they would have both given: circumstance - among other things.

Regardless...

Akane couldn't fathom how lucky she had been to experience love of such purity. Reserving such as something only found in fairytales.

In the end, he met his doom by your hand. Your selfishness knows no bounds, doesn't it?

The pain inside her heart intensified as the thought brought back memories that had her resisting tears. Hollowness was the only thing she felt after she had pierced his heart with her sword. It was as if the sword had gone right through her in the exact same moment. That was why she had been watching until the end, saw how life had fled her lover's eyes - and in a spiritual sense, hers as well.

And she would rather not reminisce what followed after that.

Merciless slaughter.

Corpses ranging from young to old, littering the ground. No one from the Abenjāzu was spared since no one could be left alive for the risk of indoctrination ran too high. And she had stood there, like the madwoman she was, features covered by her Anbu mask, clothes drenched in the blood of her people.

She would never get their agonised cries, the sound of frightened children, out of her head.

But it had to be done. Or is it not better when the world doesn't need to suffer, even when it is at your expense? Remember for who you did it for; remember Shirone.

But by Kami did it hurt. It was pain that preceded any physical injury she had ever received. At some point during those two years she had spent as a missing-nin, famished and dirty, she had become so numb from the pain that her only reason for holding on was so that she could continue to watch over Shirone. From the darkness afar because the light had no longer become a place she could inhabit.

It was on that fateful day that her sorry state had gotten the better of her, and she slept longer from exhaustion.

If you hadn't overslept then Shirone could have been saved. Your carelessness is what resulted in her death. HER BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS!

Her fingers tore at her long hair, hoping the pain she inflicted on herself would overpower the guilt residing in her chest. It got to a point where she was visibly twitching under her sheets and some crew member, whose name she couldn't single out, spoke up to her, "Hey, is everything all right?"

Akane looked like a deer in headlights as she bolted up, her face contorted into a mess of emotions as the Sharingan manifested in her eyes. Ignorant of any possible witnesses, she removed the past few seconds from his memory and buried herself back into her covers.

She couldn't go on like this, the crew was growing suspicious and she still needed to sort things out with Shepard.

She needed to pull herself together... and quickly.

Liara POV

Goddess, she felt awful, although the routine talks with the Commander did help a bit. The pain still lingered and the dreams were still plagued by the gruesome images of her mother's affected nature. She knew not to listen to the cruel words Benezia had sent her way at Peak 15, knowing them not to be from her true self, but of Saren's making.

Instead, she tried to keep Benezia's normal self in remembrance. The loving mother, who would watch her dig in other's gardens for prothean artefacts. A small smile crossed her lips as she stood in the kitchen, trying to conjure up something to better her solemn mood.

All children rebel against their parents. It's a natural part of growing up.

Liara couldn't help but chuckle to herself at what Shepard had said during one of her routine visits. She had shared the wisdom of a Matriarch and the asari found herself the more fascinated by the redhead. She was glad to have found a trustworthy confidant in the human, after her confusing exchanges with Ashley she was quite unsure of their species. Even the rest of the crew was considerate of her sudden loss, some even offered her condolences or showed their support.

Lost in thoughts, she almost didn't notice Akane's smaller person standing a few meters away from her, pouring herself a cup of water.

Although the researcher knew staring to be inappropriate, she couldn't stop herself from peeking over to the young human, hoping that she was being discreet. Her eyes followed her up and down, noting how she looked without her black coat on. She looked a bit thin, and there were large bags prominent under her onyx eyes- wait! Onyx?

Liara's brow ridge scrunched up, positively convinced that this wasn't Akane's usual eye colour. While it might have deeply intrigued her experimental side, she berated herself against speaking it out loud. Stopping herself from unintentionally embarrassing herself as she had done with the Commander with her 'interesting specimen for an in-depth study' sentence.

Akane looked over to her, aware of the asari's staring and Liara instinctively tensed. Caught in the act, but also because it felt as if she stared into orbs of nothingness. Just as space was a place of unmeasurable expanse, her pupil couldn't be distinguished from her iris. Never in her hundred years had she gazed at eyes that were darker.

"I am sorry about your mother." Liara was brought back on track, taking a moment to digest what the young human had said.

But before she could form any kind of response Akane added, "If it offers you any kind of comfort... I understand how you feel," and left for the sleeping pods. Once again, not giving the asari a chance to say something back.

Shepard POV

The next week was around the corner and Jane was still waiting for Akane to approach her, busying herself with a few missions around the system in the meantime. Eliminating what was left of the Thorian and the Geth in this system, then set the course for the Citadel for some unfinished business but also because she wanted to pay Anderson a visit.

Don't forget the meeting with the Admiral.

Damn her wicked mind for bringing that up, along with a fierce blush everyone else was too occupied to notice. Then, she saw a glimpse of someone who looked close to Akane round the corner, plummeting her mood. She forced herself not to go after her. To ask her if she was all right or if she needed anything.

She stopped, "Why does it hurt to see her like this?"

Jane was one of the first, if not the first, to acknowledge the girl's power and treat her as any other crew member - with respect. Intent on being a Captain of Anderson's worth since he left her quite the big shoes to fill. Her purpose for Akane at that time wasn't anything else than Jane seeing a chance to recruit a powerful ally, but now that had developed into something else.

Something she couldn't really place...

They were going to visit the Citadel again, though for what purpose Akane didn't know, not that she had any plans or so. No, though she saw it as the perfect opportunity to pull herself together from this... emotional disturbance.

Even now, you're still denying yourself to feel?

Rule 25. A Shinobi must never show emotion, Akane repeated.

You hopelessly cling to rules that no longer exist in hopes of stabilizing your broken self.

Rule 22. A Shinobi must never show attachment, the shinobi recited in defence, trying to shoo away the voice in her mind.

You say you are prepared to step out into the light, but do you truly mean those words?

"Yes."

Then why are you so desperately clinging to the darkness within you? What holds you back from achieving happiness?

"..."

Answer me!

"Many things."

And with that, the inner conflict was concluded. Though Akane was certain that it would make its appearance in the near future with the abundance of free time ahead. She heaved a long sigh, knowing that she also had to speak to Shepard sooner or later.

"Akane?"

Not this soon.

She almost sprang out of the bed she was sitting on, lost in thoughts. She recognized the voice and froze, hoping it was just a trick of her saturated mind that impersonated Shepard's voice. Her silly attempt failed the moment she heard the nearing footsteps. The Uchiha didn't dare to look up, her face was without a question, dreadful to look at. So she fixed her gaze on her shadow, making no move to acknowledge the Commader's presence.

It was to come at any moment. There was no possible scenario that Shepard would excuse her rude gesture, not to mention dismiss her recent behaviour. And it wasn't just this... there was more to it that the shinobi liked to admit. The exchange wasn't only one-sided and she was left in the dark on how much Shepard had managed to see until Akane broke the connection.

Regardless of her reasons, she was convinced that this was the end.

She was sure she had exercised Shepard's patience long enough and wouldn't be surprised if the Commander decided to throw her out. Akane gave her enough reason to.

However only silence reigned between them, then the next thing she knew, there was a slight pressure on the mattress. She could feel Shepard's presence next to her as she simply sat down.

It was one sentence that was spoken with such softness that Akane almost teared up, "Are you all right?"

No. "Yes, thank you for asking, Ma'am." She couldn't believe her treacherous mouth.

"That is an obvious lie and we both know it." Shepard's hand moved up between her shoulder plates in a soothing manner. When had it been the last time she was touched with such care? Her tense muscles loosened up a bit, but not much, still wary of the movement.

"Akane," the redhead beckoned her to look up, and she did, "talk to me, please."

Her pleading was what broke the shinobi's last stroke. Silent tears made their way down her pale face, "I am so sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Jane whispered as if she might scare the Uchiha if she spoke any louder.

"For being so unapproachable. I noticed your extensive efforts in befriending me and I kept pushing you away, even though it was uncalled for." Akane confessed, her voice adopting a much softer and warmer tone than its mandatory blankness.

"And I owe you an apology as well. I should have never forced myself upon you without asking for your assent first. It was inappropriate."

For a moment the Anbu considered dismissing Shepard's absurd reason for apologizing but thought better than ruining the moment. Distraught, not even aware that her Byakugan wasn't active, onyx orbs met green ones and were met with an understanding and little tint of guilt. Akane disliked that the redhead felt guilty over her social incompetence and made a mental note to remedy that.

"I accept your apology." She watched a wave of relief making itself known on the woman's face, with the apprehensions gone.

Another period of quietude washed over them, but now it wasn't as unbearable as it always was. Akane almost dubbed it as pleasant.

"Uhm- Akane, if you wouldn't mind... would you consider being my friend?" The redhead asked hesitantly, so very unlike she usually treated.

Akane was stunned to silence. Shepard would still want to offer her friendship even after all of her rejections? Not noticing until a few seconds later how Shepard's face dismayed the further Akane delayed the expected reply.

She chose not to torture the Commander by dragging this out and encouraging the possibility of unnecessary doubts, "Yes. I would gladly attempt to be your friend, though a little forewarning, I am terrible at it."

By the sound of laughter, the Commander enjoyed her sarcasm, "Aren't we all?"

"Maybe." The shinobi cracked a faint smile also, a content feeling spreading through her body.

Perhaps there is still hope left for you.

Hackett POV

Today was the day.

Everything had to be perfect.

Perfect for what, one might ask? For none other than Shepard of course. Never had he fretted over a casual dinner than for this one. Perhaps because it was for someone he actually felt more than infatuated with. And it was just not for anyone, it was for The Commander Shepard. He could just not stress this fact out enough.

He wasn't a stranger to romance, he had tried several times during his career, though it became increasingly difficult the higher he climbed the ranks. Most people he had attempted to date were either in for his reputation or his power within the Alliance. At some point, he even resigned himself to being single for the rest of his life.

Well, that was until Shepard came along.

And here he was, desperately trying to calm his frantic heart as he prepared dinner for the two of them. He decided he would go all out with an all Spanish cuisine since it was the one he was most proficient at due to his Argentinean roots. Gazpacho as the appetizer followed by a healthy portion of Pisto as the main course. Served with some fresh salad, bread, and of course, wine.

The alarm clock ranging snapped him out of his mussing, signalling that the last addition to this ensemble of food was ready. He went over to the oven so he could take the Patatas bravas out and put them on the table. Still feeling nervous, he looked around to check if everything was where he wished it to be, then righted his attire (which he made sure not to be his admiral uniform).

Knowing that Shepard valued punctuality, it was almost time that the redhead would be asking for entrance to his apartment. And as if on purpose, there was an audible chime echoing against the walls.

Breathe in. Breathe out, Steven. You got this!

Shepard POV

She found herself in a special situation. All right, who was she kidding? She continued to stand like a creep in front of the Admiral's place, seemingly never feeling prepared enough to ask for entrance.

For fuck's sake, Jane! Don't be a chicken and just push the damn button!

Just out of fear of being recognized, she just did that. She held her breath for a few seconds, hearing her heart pounding furiously against her ribcage. Only seconds passed as the door swished open and her breath was stolen from her lungs as she stared at the Admiral. She couldn't stop her eyes shamelessly wandering over his elegant frame.

Gone, was the usual admiral uniform, in its stead was a grey long-sleeve cotton blouse smoothly sticking to his prominent chest. The small V-neckline showed a bit of his skin along with a small patch of silver hair, which added a sensual touch to his already fashionable attire.

Calm your hormones girl!

"Come in, Shepard," he welcomed her in, oblivious to her unseemly staring for which she couldn't be more thankful.

Though now that he walked in front of her, he offered quite the view of his rear that was adorned by slinky blue jeans. Weren't it for the promising aromas of food overriding her senses, she would have kept starring at his figure for the rest of the evening.

"Have you been cooking, Sir? Because I must admit, it smells delicious," he chuckled with his baritone voice and it forced a violent shudder down her spine. The things his voice alone could do to her.

Determined not to get caught again, she focused her gaze on his suite until she almost bumped into the man as he abruptly came to a halt. He turned to her once again and gestured in gentlemanly fashion at the table that he had definitely prepared beforehand.

"Care to have dinner with me?"

"He had this all planned," she thought with no less amount of shock, doing her utmost best not to squeal from his offer. She would rather die than let him see that girly side of her.

"If you would have me, Sir." That earned her a small quirk of his lips.

They sat down and Shepard took the sight of his neatly organized banquet. Did he set all this up for her? To say she was flattered would be a fair understatement; she was flat out speechless. In conundrum with what to do with herself, she took the cutlery into her hand and began picking at this wonderful meal. However, that did not deter her to stop for an occasional glance towards the man of her desires, who sat across the table.

Hackett, she simply had to acknowledge, was a grandiose cook. She couldn't remember ever tasting anything of this quality and it made her flush at the thought that he had done it all for her.

As if! Don't get your hopes up! This is still a meeting between colleagues!

Right. That was what it was supposed to be, but now she wasn't so sure. And along with figuring the purpose of her visit, she painfully realized that she felt somehow, underdressed in comparison to Hackett.

"Some wine, Shepard?"

Hackett POV

Everything was going smoothly so far, though he had to often evade the redhead's enrapturing eyes for he feared he would get spellbound if he looked at them for too long. The effect her eyes alone could have on him.

Nevertheless, they nibbled on their food in silence, though he picked up on the frequent glances the woman threw in his direction, no doubt in confusion. Well, he admitted that he invited her here under the pretence of a casual meeting as to not raise any suspicion from the public. That was why he didn't hold it against the Commander that she came in her standard-issue attire, or for her current suspicion since it was valid. It wasn't a standard procedure to dine with a higher-up in the Alliance.

"No, thank you, Sir." He heard her reply timidly.

He knew one of the first things he needed to set right was breaking the ranks that stood between them. Otherwise, this couldn't evolve into what this was supposed to be; a date.

"There is no need for formalities, Shepard. You can call me Hackett," he admonished softly, making it clear that this wasn't an order from the Admiral, but more of a request from a friend.

Friends - solid start.

Although he was aware of the risks military life could pose to a soldier, he wanted to take things slow with Jane, and get to appreciate everything there was about her. Partly fearful of destroying the potential 'something' if he rushed it. Patience was of importance, and he had a feeling he would need much of it. Good thing he had much to spare, one of the perks of being older.

"So uh- Hackett, is there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

He liked how she tested out his name on her tongue. "Nothing Alliance related, just curious how you manage."

"That's all?"

"Should there be more?"

Her head snapped back to her plate; a red tint embellishing her cheeks, and Hackett couldn't help but feel immensely proud that he made the redhead blush.

"I guess..." she muttered quietly. Damn, who would have thought a hard-ass woman like Jane would look so adorable when flushed? He wondered how far down the blush reached-

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Easy there, soldier!

He had to pretend a cough to rid himself of these naughty thoughts. Quickly supplying Shepard with an answer as she asked if he was okay.

Uh-huh, right, Steven. Where did your 'patience' run off to?

Okay, maybe he overestimated himself when it came to this particular woman. She was proving a challenge for his faculties. On the other hand, how did the saying go? The harder the struggle, the more glorious the triumph?

Well then, it was game on!