Ch 44- A Very Special… Brave

"I did. I called Dr. Clarkson." Daisy volunteered shakily, coming around from the kitchen.

Ordinarily, Carson would've been surprised, but was too consumed with his wife's almost desperate whimpering.

"Ahhhhhhh-ooooohhhh! Ooooohhhhhh!"

"What's wrong?" Mrs. Patmore pressed Isobel, allowing Elsie to squeeze her hand.

"Ahhh…" Elsie startled, starting to breathe in and out for comfort.

"Carson, take Mrs. Carson into your pantry, clear off your desk and lay her down, Daisy, you go and get some sheets, and pillows and blankets."

Daisy hesitated and for once, Isobel was angry. "Now!" She called and the girl ran off.

"What about going upstai…" Carson began but she cut him off.

"We've no time to waste. Mrs. Patmore, you come with me, Anna go and find Baxter and Lady Grantham we're going to need their help, quickly!"

"What about the hospital?" Carson insisted, dread beginning to sink in.

It'd been the last thing he'd wanted, but he knew, looking at her, holding her that it was what was needed.

"There's no time, not now. Do as I say." Isobel demanded.

Everyone left their side, scurrying to their perspective posts and Carson lifted his wife into his arms. She was crying by this point and clung to him.

"Charlie." She whispered weakly. "My Charlie if I ooooh…"

He knew what she was going to say and didn't want to listen. Instead he rushed into the kitchen behind Mrs. Crawley, wanting to question her further.

"You need to get her on that desk, and get her ready." She called, rolling up her sleeves as Mrs. Patmore helped her wash her hands.

Carson said nothing further, holding Elsie close as he went to his pantry. There was a lot on his desk and for a moment, he didn't know what to do or how to proceed. He looked down at her as she gasped and whimpered quietly.

"I'm so sorry, my darling." He whispered, remembering that he didn't have any time to loose.

"Charlie. Charlie if I don't make it I love you so much." She grasped weakly at his jacket. His heart thudded slowly, almost coming to a stop when she said this.

He longed to ask her what had happened, but didn't have the time or strength. "You'll be alright. I promise it will be alright." It had to be. He couldn't go on without her.

Carson took one hand and pushed everything off of the desk, it crashed to the floor with a loud clatter but he paid it no mind, pushing the end of the desk up to the wall. He cradled her in his arms, hoping it wouldn't be the last time, and laid her down on the desk. Within seconds, she grasped the sides of the desk and tried to take a deep breath.

"It's alright my darling. It's alright. It's alright." He tried to soothe.

He'd known what Mrs. Crawley had meant, and worked quickly to remove her shoes and stockings. She cried out in pain as he gathered her skirts and bunched them up, stopping at the sight of her blood soaked underwear. His heart beat fast, wondering if this was normal or indicative of what was wrong. He hadn't remembered it happening before.

"It's alright my darling. It's alright." He soothed.

"I know something's wrong. Something's very, very wrong." She said, grasping his hand. "Ooooh." She cringed, rubbing his ring finger. "Ahhhhh!"

"I'm here, I'm here." Mrs. Crawley announced. "Mrs. Carson, it's going to be alright, please lay back for a minute."

Carson took her in his arms and helped her to lie down on the desk. She winced, crying aloud when she felt Mrs. Crawley begin to examine her, Mrs. Patmore watched horrified at her side.

"It's just what I was afraid of." She said after a moment.

"WHAT?!" Carson, Elsie and Beryl asked at once.

Elsie tried to sit up, wanting to ask her own questions but Carson knew better and gently held her down.

"The baby's transversed." Isobel explained calmly.

"Trans what?" Beryl asked.

"Backside first then?" Carson assumed. He knew enough about childbirth for this to explain her state, besides he'd never believed Clarkson when he'd said the issue had been resolved and the baby had turned.

"OOOOHHHHHH!" Elsie cried out, clutching the desk.

"No. No I'm afraid it's back first, Carson." Isobel spoke over Elsie's scream, her voice somber.

Elsie cried out again, she couldn't help it: nothing in her life had never hurt so much and she thought she was simply going to pass out, maybe even die there before the baby came.

"Oh my God!" Beryl cried as Carson looked down at his wife, trying to register this information.

"The baby's laying transversed, back down across the birth canal." Isobel explained, drying her hands. She looked down, watching Elsie take a deep, labored breath.

Carson was scared. One minute, his wife had been in the kitchen, feeling fine and the next she was in hard labor, as if she'd been at it for hours. He'd never seen her like this, it was almost like she was at the end of her labor with Sam and that terrified him. He'd known in his gut that something had to be wrong for it to happen so quickly, but he never could've imagined this. He held Elsie close, trying to rock her as she gripped his arm.

"Is the baby going to be alright?" Elsie asked, squeezing her eyes shut tightly and grabbing her husband's big, strong hand with both of hers.

She'd known something was wrong the instant her water broke but was too worried about her baby to care much for herself. The pain was unbearable. She didn't know where it came from, but she had the urge to breathe: in and out in and out, and kept doing it to steady herself, it was the only thing getting her through.

"C-Charlie.' She whispered under her breath, trying to steady herself.

"We have two options." Isobel said. "We can go to the hospital and take the baby out, via cesarean, which we might have to. Or, I can try my best to turn the baby round the right way."

"H-how would you do that?" Carson asked, turning as white as a sheet. "Is that safe? Either of those things?" He was almost affronted by the suggestion. Elsie clutched his sleeve, nearly doubling over.

Isobel didn't respond for a moment. Carson knew she was panicked and that made him panic, but he didn't want Elsie to know that.

"Hmmmmm-ahhhhhh!" Elsie cried, causing them all to jump. "Can I push, can I please push?"

"DON'T push. Don't push Mrs. Carson. I know you want to."

"Already?" Carson panicked.

"Yes. She's ready: but the baby cannot come out this way. Not only would it kill you." She paused, Elsie squirming when she said this. "But it cannot happen. It isn't possible…Mrs. Patmore, please go and find Anna and bring us some brandy."

"Brandy?" He asked.

"Yes, yes brandy!" Elsie begged, understanding instantly.

"That's right. I think I can save you and your babe from a C-section…. but I must warn you, its going to hurt. Probably very much."

"This already does." She moaned, gripping her husband's arm again.

"I'll be right back: don't push!"

Isobel's heart pounded wildly as she went out into the hall, hoping against all hope that Dr. Clarkson would be there. He was not.

"It's going to be alright, Mrs. Carson." He smiled down at her, holding her tenderly in his arms, hoping he was of some comfort.

"I'd like to think that." She said. "But whatever comes… I've loved you. Oh how I've loved you." She said, tears in her eyes as he leaned down, rubbing his nose gently against hers. "Please…. if something happens love the wee ones I worked so hard to bare you oooh and don't resent this little one: treasure him, oh please treasure the one I will've given my life for."

"I will love them all to the end of the age, and I will love you with every breath I take and every beat of my heart to the end of time." He said, kissing her very gently. Elsie swallowed hard, noting the tears in her lovely husband's eyes.

"I've loved the life you've given me."

"I've loved the life and the love you've given me and I love the life we're to have. Look around this room and remember all the stolen nights spent, just us wanting so much to be together, trying to have a family: to make this baby."

"It's almost like a cruel joke." Elsie squinted, trying hard not to cry out.

Both paused, knowing very well that if she'd been able before, any of their children could've easily been conceived in the pantry. She took a deep breath, a feeling of doom swept over her.

"It'll be a lovely story, not a cruel joke." He said. "You're such a strong woman my Elsie, you're my hero, and so should you always be: you're the brave Scottish lass I fell in love with, you're my beautiful young bride. You're the woman I grew into one flesh with, who loved the whole of me and stole my heart away forever and ever."

"Ahhhhhhhhoooooowwwww." Elsie screamed, fear crowding her heart. His words meant so much to her but she couldn't reply.

"The one who fought so hard to mother my children, the one whose so strong, who got us here against all odds… I love you so very much Elsie Carson. I promise you're going to be fine. You have to be because I can't live a life without you in it. You're not the love of my life… but the whole of my heart."

Elsie paused, bit fat tears in her eyes as she stared up into his brown orbs. She was tired and sweaty and didn't bother to speak. Instead, she just took solace in his eyes. Carson gripped her hand, wrapping his free arm around her to steady her as the other women came into the room. He laid his face in her hair as they sat to work, not wanting to watch. He felt his heart breaking as it raced with fear; the idea that she could die having their baby was too cruel a concept for him to bear. But one thing was for sure, he'd be damned if he left her side.

"Alright Mrs. Carson. I'm going to try to turn her around from the inside and the out."

Elsie nodded through her tears, not wanting to know the details of the procedure. Carson looked up, surprised to find Cora there, staring. Little did he know she had agreed to help, but was scared to death. Benjamin had been breech, much like this baby. It had been an experience that had almost taken her life. The idea that her friend was about to endure something similar and that she were to have a hand in it sent chills up her spine.

"Cousin Cora, I need you to be with Mrs. Carson, give her the brandy." Isobel ordered.

Cora wanted to help, but hated the idea that she'd have to do this part. It'd been done to her and she thought it made the whole affair that much more horrible. Mary had done it in her case, held her down and forced her to drink when she would've otherwise been screaming. In the end it was a help, and very much worked to ease the pain but she hated that it gagged her when she was already suffering, and worse, that she was almost drunk by the time the baby was in her arms.

"Alright Mrs. Carson you're going to want to push, but don't until I say so. I'm about to start."

Elsie felt her whole body tense the moment Isobel started to turn the baby.

"Charlie." She mumbled, under her breath. "Charlie I c…"

"You're my brave girl." He whispered as she let out a scream. "My strong beautiful girl, my hero of a girl."

Beryl was scared senseless. She'd watched her friend have three babies and never seen anything more disturbing in her entire life. She swallowed her tears and assisted Mrs. Crawley as best as she could, trying hard not to break down and sob. She loved Elsie dearly, and knew she couldn't stand to see her die like this, or loose the baby.

"It's working!" Isobel cried.

Carson could sense some relief and a hint of surprise in her voice. Charlie Carson Jr. couldn't stand the sound of his mother's gut-wrenching screams any longer. Pressing his hands hard against his ears, Charlie got up from his place under the table in his mother's sitting room and made his way toward the green baize door.

"Oh there you are!" Lord Grantham laughed, leaning down to pick him up.

Robert was a bit drunk and ignored his housekeeper's screams, focusing instead on sweeping in to rescue her little boy. He'd gone to check on the children after dinner and discovered that the twins were nowhere to be found. So he took it upon himself to go and find them. Charlie was surprised by the lord's gesture and leaned over to hug him even though he knew it was improper.

"That's alright little chap." He smiled. "Where in heavens' name is your sister?' He asked.

'"I don't know." He said, tears in his eyes.

Charlie was quite surprised when Lord Grantham took out a handkerchief and dried his cheeks. He smiled at the boy sympathetically and without another word turned and began his ascent up the stairs, thinking that no little boy should have to hear his mother endure such unspeakable agony… and nor should he.

"Well then we'll have to send to a search party." He said.

"Lord Gwantham, my mummy?" He asked tearfully, looking back as the green baize door shut behind them. Robert paused, hearing Elsie's wailing even from the top of the stairs.

"Mummy will be alright Charlie." He said, patting the child's side. "But for now it's time for sleep and when you wake, you'll have a whole new little brother."

Neither knew it but they'd walked right passed Charlotte as they went upstairs. The little girl, who was very attached to her mother, was hiding behind a door adjacent to her father's pantry. She peered through the crack very carefully, holding onto the door with tiny hands. From her spot she could see and hear just about everything. Her father's hands, her mother's legs, Mrs. Crawley hard at work and the blood: all that blood. The little girl watched closely, shaking and wincing when her mother moaned and cried.

"Alright." Isobel announced. "The baby's turned, back into a breech position…oooh…."

"What now?" Carson cried, turning back to his wife when he heard her choke.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Cora cried, rubbing her friend's forehead when she realized she'd gone too far with the brandy.

Elsie was in misery and her heart sank at the tone of Mrs. Crawley's voice. Carson said nothing, but stared her down urging her to speak.

"It's the baby's cord." She swallowed. "The cords around the neck..."

Isobel was highly alarmed. She'd thought she'd almost gotten them out of the woods, until right at that moment. She sighed deeply; wishing Dr. Clarkson was there with her. Her only consolation, in that moment, was that she could feel the baby was still alive.

"Cousin Cora, more brandy." She said.

Baxter winced as she watched, knowing what was going to happen next, she was sure glad she'd never have to endure this.

Elsie screamed as Isobel went to work loosening the baby's cord from its head. Carson's heart broke as he watched his wife cry out and saw that no real progress was made on the birth. Cora cringed, recalling more vividly than she should have, when she was in Elsie's position.

"It's okay, it's alright I've been here. I've been right here. This part's worst, it's nearly over, it's nearly over." She whispered, tears in her eyes.

"Please, please stop it hurts too much!" Elsie begged through her tears. "I can't do this I can't urrrrrrg! Ahhhhhhrrrrrgggg!"

Charlotte jumped, her intake of breath so powerful it nearly knocked her down and onto her backside.

"Mummy." Charlotte whimpered.

The more time went on the more Elsie felt herself getting stuck in her own mind. Eyes open or closed, everything faded and flickered, in and out from clear to blurry to black, and with each change of the light came an eb and flow of consciousness that left her light headed and frantic. But it was only in those moments when temporary lucidity collided with mind numbing pain that she started to reconcile the fact that these were her last moments on earth.

"It's done, it's done, baby's turned and free of the cord. I'm going to give you a few seconds and then you can push now."

"No, no, no I can't, I can't!" Elsie cried, immediately everyone jumped in to encourage, but it was only her husband's voice she really heard.

"Yes you can my Elsie. You can." Carson whispered, relieved the baby had been turned.

"Mrs. Carson, you're doing so well this is finally it, his head, just what I want to see. Carson, Cora, if you can sit her up, just a little."

Elsie was weak and whimpered painfully as they sat her in place. Beryl looked back at her friend sadly from where she stood opposite Anna, holding one of her legs. She rubbed her friend's shinbone softly.

"Please I don't want to do this I'm in oooohhh!"

"Mrs. Carson I promise just a few good pushes and it'll be all done. Now take a deep breath and one, two, three: push!"

"Urrrrrrrggggg!"

"Perfect, push down, down into the pain, don't even think about it."

"Elsie I see him." Carson whispered, tears filling his eyes.

He was relieved. He didn't think, earlier in the evening, that they'd ever get to this point and now there he was, their youngest baby. Isobel and Beryl also heaved a sigh of relief, even as Elsie still lay there screaming. Cora was thankful, she didn't think she could stand to see another child born the way Benjamin was: totally covered in bruises. Baxter was excited. She'd never been part of a birth before but had known everything would come out right. On top of that, she thought being part of a baby's coming into the world was a good way to become part of this new house and help start a new life of her own. In some way Anna was sad, she wanted to be the one having the baby. Meanwhile, Daisy was thankful that someone was not her.

"No, no I can't! I can't!" Elsie gasped.

"Yes you can, I've got the head he's just ready to come if you give me another big push Mrs. Carson."

Charlotte watched, her eyes pealed. The little girl could see Isobel fast at work, but thankfully, her Auntie Beryl precluded most of the rest of the proceedings from where she stood. The true sight of the baby's birth would've been enough to traumatize the oldest Carson child for the rest of her days.

"UUUUGGGHHhhAAAAAHHHH!"

"Push down that's it, that's it, there are baby's shoulders."

Carson looked down intently at his newest child, and gulped, noting that even just its head was tinier than all the rest had been.

"Just one more, one more big push and I think we've got it."

"ARRRRRRRRGHHHAAAAAHHHH!"

Elsie took a deep breath and pushed hard, collapsing into her husband's arms when the baby started to cry. Carson closed his eyes, sighing with relief. He'd been afraid the baby had been harmed and wouldn't make it out alive.

"Job well done my brave, beautiful girl." He whispered, tears in his eyes as he leaned down to kiss her.

She smiled deeply in spite of her own tears and pain, rubbing her nose gently against his. The couple could hear everyone else fawning over their newborn, but took a moment to rest, thankful they'd all made it through, and looked up when Mrs. Crawley announced, holding the sobbing baby up to show them:

"Congratulations, you've another beautiful little girl!"

Elsie laughed, covering her mouth as a fresh batch of tears rolled down her cheeks. "She's the most wonderful little baby." She sobbed weakly.

Carson felt his heart totally melt the moment he saw her, tiny and screaming in Mrs. Crawley's two hands and he started to cry. Elsie was weak but held out her arms for her newborn and Mrs. Crawley obliged.

"Oh my beautiful wee girl." Elsie cried, taking her in her arms. Crying, Carson leaned down and kissed the baby very gently, his heart flipping when his lips touched her fragile skin for the first time. "Oh my girl." Elsie held her tight; her husband placed his hand under hers, his hand supporting the baby's tiny head too. "My Lucy." Elsie laughed through her tears.

Carson leaned down and kissed his wife as everyone gathered around fawning over the baby they'd been afraid they'd never see. Charlotte came out of her hiding place, rushing to her mother's side. Beryl took her in her arms as she looked down at her tiny baby sister for the first time and the group who'd helped bring Lucy Carson into the world breathed a collective sigh of relief.

…

Not long after Lucy was born, Cora took Charlotte upstairs to tell the family the news and of course, fetch the boys. In the meantime, Elsie and the baby were taken upstairs to the room she once resided in, where the family now stayed when they slept at Downton. There was a lot to do and there would be a long night ahead of them, but Elsie wanted to nurse and have the children meet their baby sister before too much more went on.

"You look beautiful Mrs. Carson." Carson whispered quietly, tears in his eyes as he watched her rock newborn Lucy.

He couldn't believe she was still there with him, and sitting and smiling after what she'd been through. It was a miracle and once again, she'd proven herself his hero. They were waiting for the children and able to steal a quiet moment together without Isobel or Beryl being there. Elsie smiled deeply but said nothing, looking down at the baby.

"She's perfect. She has her daddy's eyes." She smiled, tears in her own.

"Get away with you!" He teased.

"Someone's here to see mummy!" Cora announced excitedly. Leading the twins into the room, she handed Sam to Carson.

"Oh my little lads and lass!" Elsie cried. "Come here, mummy has someone she'd like for you to meet."

"Yes our loves, come here." Carson beamed.

The three were apprehensive at first, noting their mother's ragged appearance. Her hair was soaked in sweat, the blankets disheveled all around her. Even though she'd just seen her downstairs Charlotte was shocked. There it had all happened so fast it'd been a blur. The little girl gulped, noting how much worse her mother looked in bright light, that parts of the bedding were covered in blood. Her mother had told her about the blood and what she didn't realize was that there was so much more of it than there would've been had her sister not had such a traumatic birth. Charlie noticed these things too and it made him want to cry. Carson happily took Sam as the twins reluctantly came to their mother's bedside. Sam was afraid too and whimpered, beginning to suck his fingers in confusion.

"That's my little boy it's alright." Carson whispered, trying to soothe his scared son. Sam turned away from his mother, frightened of the younger baby and it's crying. "I've got my Samuel, he's alright." Carson whispered, rubbing his back.

"Charlie, Charlotte, Samuel." Elsie began over the baby's wailing. "I'd like for you to meet your new wee baby sister, Lucy."

Cora left and Carson pushed the nervous twins forward, each of them calming a little when they realized their mother was well enough to be excited.

"Mummy she's a sister!" Charlotte squealed loudly, having not been able to get her excitement out about this earlier.

"Yes my love, she's your new wee baby sister."

"Mummy why's baby so red?" Charlie asked.

"And wrinkly too." Charlotte added. The twins didn't remember Sam looking like this when they'd first meant.

"Because she's scrunched up from being inside mummy's tummy, as were the three of you."

Elsie didn't allude to it; glad the children hadn't noticed that Lucy was covered in bruises from her ordeal.

"Were we extra smooshed?" Charlie asked.

"Charlie that's not a word." Carson scolded, almost laughing.

"It's not but you're right. You and Charlotte were extra, extra smooshed." Elsie giggled at the memory.

Carson smiled, reaching out to touch the baby's head as she sobbed. He loved this stage: when the children were still warm from being inside his wife, when their tiny eyes were still nearly glued shut and they were not yet aware of the world around them. They were precious to him always but there was something particularly special about this kind of newness.

"Why's she crying?" Charlie asked.

"Because she's only just been born." Elsie smiled.

"And she's learning how to breathe m'lad." Carson said, and his son looked up at him perplexed.

"Mummy why's Lucy so tiny?" Charlotte asked as Sam finally looked over at his newborn sister.

"Yeah." Charlie agreed.

"Samuel, can you say hello to Lucy?" Carson whispered.

"She's not so tiny." Elsie said. "Samuel is just a big baby. You were both about her size." She informed. The twins were surprised.

"Mummy I want to hold." Charlotte pled.

The Carson's were surprised and looked at each other questioningly, not knowing what to say to their daughter's request. Lucy, after all, had only just been born and both of them found the idea of allowing a five year old to hold her terrifying.

"Yes lass." Elsie said. Carson looked back disapprovingly, his eyes widening. "But you have to sit right with mummy." Charlotte nodded eagerly and got up on the bed right next to her mother. "Here you remember how to do it?" She asked and Carson watched intently as Elsie put their newborn in their daughter's arms.

"Hold the head!" Carson and Elsie exclaimed at once.

"Hi. Hi Lucy." Charlotte squealed.

The baby gurgled as her sister held her and Charlie leaned in to get a closer look. Sam sucked on his fingers and clung to his father's shirt, not taking his eyes off his baby sister. Carson cuddled his baby son, not realizing he was terrified of his smaller sister. Elsie stared back at her children and paused, suddenly bursting out crying.

"Elsie?" Carson asked, worriedly as the children looked up.

"Mummy?" Charlie asked, climbing onto the bed with her. She took him in her arms and hugged him tightly.

"Oh my." She said, rubbing her little boy's arm, cuddling him close. She giggled through her tears and kissed the top of his head. "Oh I… I can't believe my beautiful children. My four little perfect people." She sighed, overwhelmed as she cried on her oldest son.

Elsie sighed as she watched her children her heart finally feeling complete. There they were, all the little people she was ever going to bring into the world: there and together with them like she'd always dreamed.

Carson knew what she was thinking and the entire idea was surreal for him too: that after years of longing, their family was finally complete. It was something they both felt the moment they held Lucy, and seeing all four of them together was exceptionally moving for the once barren couple who refused to give up on their dream of having a family. They paused, looking at each other with all the love and amazement their eyes could muster as they watched their oldest three look down at the baby, listening as the twin's little voices whispered to their brand new sister.

"Its you and its me." She cried. "In your flesh and mine, your blood and mine." She bit her lip.

"I love you my Elsie. Oh how I love you." He whispered, leaning down and kissing her deeply.

*There is a version with a hospital birth, let me know if you would like to read it!/It may become part of something else ;)