Hellidays – Mid-December
Even though Angela had already secretly decided yes on the family vacation; Angela, being Angela, gave the matter even more serious thought. As she contemplated the trip, more pros were added to her mental list: a vacation would put the family into a new situation for New Year's Eve; there would be opportunities for fun; and most importantly, it might provide some distraction for her, she could be focused on the kids, not Tony. It would be nice to have the whole family together, creating more memories for her to cling to after Tony was gone.
There was much rejoicing; and much disbelief, when at the Sunday dinner following Thanksgiving, Angela announced to the rest of the family that they were going to Florida. Mona, Jonathan and Sam were all excited to be going, but their enthusiasm was tempered with a little suspicion as well. Angela deciding to go on vacation out of the blue (or so they thought) was disconcerting, it wasn't normal behavior from her and it bothered all of them, Mona especially. She added this latest nugget to the mental list she had been keeping of Angela's out of character actions, then quickly moved on to deciding which bikinis to pack, and more importantly, how many new bikinis to buy.
Tony was shocked more than anyone else; even though he'd suggested the trip, he thought Angela had dismissed the idea the second she left the kitchen on Thanksgiving night. She hadn't mentioned it to him in the past few days, and trying to talk to her had become so tricky that he hadn't dared broach the topic again. He watched her now; she was smiling, but he could see that even though her facade read happy; her eyes betrayed the truth of the unhappiness within. He hoped this trip would give them some time together, just the two of them under a starry Florida sky.
Angela had set the date of departure for the day after Christmas, she had very specific reasons for choosing that day. She wanted one more precious Christmas in the house; one more season of decorating and secret smiles and stockings and presents and the delicious aromas of Tony's cooking. She wanted to wake up Christmas morning knowing that Sam was safe at home and would be bounding down the stairs with Jonathan the way they did when they were kids. What she wanted most of all was a few moments with Tony under the mistletoe; but as she only wanted that if Tony really meant it, she was resigned to her dearest Christmas wish remaining unfulfilled.
As she was thinking of midnight kisses; she was reminded of another reason for her choice of a post-Christmas trip. Being away negated any possible conversations she and Tony might have had regarding New Year's Eve plans. They'd shared so many nice celebrations over the years; from quiet stay home parties with the family, to full blown New York City hotel galas. A trip south would help avoid any awkward mention of New Year's Eve. The word wallflower picked an unfortunate time to waft through her head again; she was now back to being alone on New Year's Eve. There would be no one to kiss in the new year with this year; or any future year, she thought. Suddenly the future unfurled before her, year after year of sitting at home in her bathrobe and bunny slippers, watching the ball drop on tv and toasting with one lonely glass of champagne. Angela closed her eyes; maybe they'd find a nice party in Florida where she could get drunk and forget about New Year's Eve.
Sunday dinner was concluded with enthusiastic discussion of ideas for activities on the trip and an air of hopeful expectation that had not been felt around the house in a very long time.
First things, first; Christmas and all its attendant hustle and bustle descended on the household. There were concessions that had to be made. For the first time ever, it was decided that an artificial tree would stand in the house. Angela wasn't satisfied with this arrangement, but a real tree would not survive until they returned from Florida, so artificial it was. She tried not to see it as a metaphor; a fake tree for a fake relationship, but the thought would not stay out of her mind and it only made her sadder.
Tony was slipping into over-indulgent mode; he was desperate to bring Angela into the spirit of the season. He was thinking that if he could bring some Christmas joy to Angela that maybe, just maybe, she would snap out of whatever had been bothering her and go back to being the woman he loved. He still loved her, of course, but she had turned into a stranger to him. She was now Angela in name and appearance only; her heart and soul had been hidden away from him and he would do anything to find them again. To that end he was baking more chocolate desserts than ever; to the old standbys of brownies and cake he added fudge and 12 new kinds of cookies, one for each day of Christmas; all chocolate. Angela appreciated his creativity, but on the fifth day, the Five Chocolate Rings only served as a reminder that they would be the only rings Tony ever gave her.
The once happy task of decorating had become just another household chore. Tony pulled all the boxes of greenery and lights down from the attic one day, hoping that he and Angela would start setting them up that evening. The inevitable afternoon phone call from her saying that she was staying in town to work nixed that plan. He tried to persuade her to come home with promises of Christmas carols and well-rummed egg nog; but she would not change her mind.
Her last words were a punch in the gut to him, "I'm sorry, Tony, I'm very busy, you'll have to decorate without me." Tony hung up the phone, still a little stunned. Decorating was one of Angela's favorite parts of the holidays. How could she turn away from it so easily? It wasn't easy at all for Angela to keep herself from decorating, she had to force herself to stay at her desk, staring at the phone. Up to this point staying away from Tony had been difficult, now it was day after day of unrelenting suffocation. Her mind was entombed in a dungeon of gray, depressing thoughts. The dungeon was filled with fog and she could not find the way to free herself from her self-imposed solitary confinement.
Tony's attention was caught by the fireplace; it was dark, empty and as barren as his heart. Angela was skipping out on decorating, he was still trying to absorb that fact. Suddenly decorating had gone from a fun way to spend time together to something the help did. A horrible feeling was creeping up inside him, one he hadn't felt in years. He felt second class, like Angela had ordered him to do something because it was suddenly beneath her.
Tony sat down on the couch with a thud, his thoughts becoming very troubled. Angela was pulling herself away even more and he had no idea how to stop it. Worse, he was starting to wonder if he should try to stop it. Maybe it was time he faced facts; he and Angela had had some very good times together while he was here, but graduation would be in a few months and perhaps it was time he focused on that. It was becoming obvious to him that Angela didn't want him around, they'd reverted back into boss and employee. They started out as strangers, became friends, transitioned into best friends, then spent far too much time in an undefined relationship. When he looked at their time together over the years he realized that is was inevitable that the stages would reverse and they would be left with nothing between them but boss and employee. He hoped they would not revert back to strangers.
Looking around the living room, Tony saw his home in a different light. For so long this room and this house were the shells which protected the family as they created their most precious family memories together. These memories were growing more precious to him as he realized his time in this house was drawing to a close. Some families fall apart due to tragedy, some break up from lack of communication, still others disintegrate by little separation after little separation. Tony mentally filed their family situation in the final category. Little separations that seem so insignificant at the time surprisingly added up to a break that could not be repaired. Although there were no literal cracks in the walls the house, he saw the family splintering apart bit by bit. He resolved to come up with a plan to halt the progress of that splintering; this family was too important to him to let slip away. Tony didn't waste time thinking about the kids or Mona, he knew the only repair the family really needed was to fix the chasm between Angela and himself. He hoped inspiration would hit on that soon, because nothing he had tried so far had worked.
Tony took a deep breath and decided to start decorating. As his Christmas cheer had been smothered when Angela called, he hoped that decorating would reignite it and might prompt some cheer in Angela as well; whenever she decided to come home. He also hoped that physical activity might free up his mind to come up with a new idea to break through the walls Angela had placed around herself.
Ever organized, Tony opened the correct box and pulled out the stockings. Memories of each family member wafted through his mind as he carefully placed their stocking on the mantle. Mona; her stocking was bigger than all the rest combined, and it was always filled, although not necessarily by the other family members. He smiled when he thought about her and how lucky he was to have run across her; or to be more correct, she had run across him all those years ago.
Tony placed her stocking in the center position and moved on to the next: Jonathan. Tony considered himself very fortunate to be his father figure. He loved sharing life skills with him, teaching him how to be self-sufficient. One of his favorite activities to share was cooking, Jonathan was more adept at it than his mother would ever be. Tony pushed the thought of Angela in the kitchen out of his head and placed Jonathan's stocking on the mantle.
The next stocking was Samantha's. Precious daughter, she'd grown up too quickly. Far, far too quickly. He missed her living at home, but was grateful that she was a confident, strong young woman. He didn't know how he would have raised her without Angela. There was that name again, he pushed it away again. Samantha's stocking joined the others, then he placed his own stocking as a way of procrastinating. Then he took a deep breath and faced the inevitable: Angela's stocking.
He took a moment or two to hold the stocking, touching the letters in her name, trying to connect the name on the stocking with the woman who had changed so much since the last time this stocking had appeared. He remembered last Christmas and all the joy the family had created. At the time he thought it was just another Christmas in what would be a long line of them in the rest of their lives together. He couldn't have known then that there would only be one more Christmas together. This realization hit Tony hard. This was more than likely their last Christmas together. He sat down to let this information sink in. He'd always thought they'd have more time, that they'd always be together. Why had it gone so wrong? He wondered just exactly how the atmosphere in the house had become so tense between last Christmas and this. Not coming up with any answers, Tony sighed an angry sigh and put the stocking next to Jonathan's.
Frustrated, Tony opened more boxes, not really caring about the end result. The fun had gone out of decorating; if Angela didn't want to be his partner in Christmas cheer, then the living room was going to reflect the lack of joy in this particular Christmas season. This wasn't a conscious decision Tony made, he only wanted to get through this task as soon as possible. Instead of the usual Christmas carols playing and hot chocolate with whipped cream casting its lovely scent throughout the room, this year there was quiet. The tables were covered with heaps of ribbons and lights. The couch and chairs were strewn with fake greenery for the staircase and mantle. A mess took the place of Tony and Angela's usual precise decorating.
Tony hurried through his tasks; and in record time (for this household) the bannister was wrapped in greenery, candles were placed and the tree was up and lit.
Which left him with one troubling thought: dare he even bother with mistletoe this year? One of the best parts of mistletoe was the freedom it gave them to exchange little kisses throughout the season. Sometimes, when everyone else was asleep, they even indulged in longer kisses; it was so easy to explain the action away as honoring the mistletoe and conveniently ignoring the fact that they were actually truly reflecting their feelings for each other. For the past few years they'd been able to get away with this charade; he had hoped they would continue the custom this year. A wisp of a thought entered his mind, maybe he could use the mistletoe as a way to bridge the gap between them. Could it work?
Yes. Tony's resolve began to return. He'd pick up some mistletoe when he went to get a wreath for the door. He didn't finish decorating the tree completely, hoping that Angela would change her mind and decide to join in the fun, whenever she decided to grace the house with her presence. He tidied up the living room and moved on to making dinner.
When Angela returned home late that night, the decorations almost made her burst into tears. Tony had turned out most of the lights in the living room, but left the tree lights on. Everything was beautiful; but soulless. The fact that it was her soul that had dimmed did not occur to her. She only saw a room that had been decorated alone; not as a group activity and that broke her heart. This year was bad enough, how was she ever going to face next Christmas? Tony would be gone; Sam would be away. Maybe Jonathan would decide to go visit his father. Angela didn't know it, but Jonathan had been very close to declaring he was going to visit his father this Christmas. The trip to Florida was the only reason he changed his mind.
"Hey Angela," a soft voice came down from upstairs. Angela had never been so relieved that she had been able to keep herself together. She pulled herself together and forced a smile, trying to hide the loneliness she felt inside, she looked upstairs and answered, "hi Tony, everything looks beautiful."
"Thanks," he said as he came down to the bottom step, his hand idly grasping his t-shirt, "you hungry?"
"No, thank you, I ate earlier."
He gave her a look that said, "I don't believe you."
"Honestly, I did!" she answered, giving him a "scout's honor" sign. He had no choice but to accept this as Angela would never dare dishonor the "scout's honor" sign; even if he still didn't quite believe her.
An awkward silence left them both grasping for something to say. Angela looked around the room, avoiding looking at Tony at all possible costs. This was impossible as Tony was reflected everywhere in the room. She did happen to notice that there was no mistletoe; and she was relieved, at first. There would be no awkward moments like the one they were currently in. Of course, in another moment of Angela misinterpretation, she thought there was no mistletoe because Tony didn't want to kiss her. All Angela wanted to do was go upstairs and go to bed; but Tony, whether by design or not, she couldn't tell, was blocking the way.
Tony watched Angela look in every direction but his, he felt his world slipping away from him, but still couldn't come up with any way to bring Angela back to him. "I missed you this evening," he said in desperation.
"What?" a startled Angela turned her attention to him.
Tony now had one hand on each bannister, "I missed you, decorating wasn't any fun without you."
Angela was now the desperate one, she wanted to get away from him and his lies. For he had to be lying. He couldn't have possibly missed her while decorating, and for him to stand there and try to charm her into believing that he had made her angry. "I'm sorry Tony, I have a lot of work to do. We all have our jobs and mine requires that I be out of the house for extended periods of time. If you will excuse me," she glared at one of his hand for a moment, "I'm tired and I'd like to go to bed. Good night, Tony."
Tony moved out of her way and she hurried past him so quickly that he barely had time to say, "good night, Angela," before she disappeared upstairs. Tony was left alone on the staircase, completely bewildered. He shook his head and wondered if maybe they should try family therapy again, it couldn't hurt at any rate. Having a plan, tenuous though it was, Tony put off thinking about Angela any more tonight and turned off the tree lights before going to bed himself.
The days before Christmas were hectic with finals, work, and completing the plans for Florida. Tony and Angela saw little of each other and that was mostly just coming and going. Angela would breeze through the kitchen in the morning not even bothering to stop for juice and coffee anymore; she'd drag Mona out with her, always under protest because she did not like to be deprived of her normal Tony prepared breakfast, and they'd head off to work, leaving only Mona's unfinished breakfast as any clue that they had been there at all. As much as Tony wanted to have a heart to heart with Angela, he knew it would have to wait until after his end of semester tests were over.
Jonathan saw that the tension between Tony and his mother had changed; it wasn't the playful tension they used to have, this was strained tension, strained to the point of uncomfortable, but he didn't dare broach the topic with either Tony or his mother. Sam and his grandmother yes; they spent hours discussing The Problem, as they had come to call it, but only came to the conclusion that whatever was going on, only Tony and Angela could solve it. Mona kept trying to get Angela to open up to her; but talking to Angela was still like trying to talk to a brick wall.
A week before Christmas Tony completed his finals and threw himself a little party, which meant he stopped by a pizza place close to campus and had a couple of slices and a beer. He watched his fellow students as they gathered together in their own celebrations and hoped they would all be going home to have happy holidays with their families. His own mood was definitely improving, whether it was from the stress of finals being lifted, the plans for Florida, or a combination of both, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that today he was going to pick up a wreath for the door and, far more importantly, the mistletoe. He concluded that it was definitely the mistletoe that accounted for his better mood.
Errands complete, Tony returned home with groceries and greenery. He started dinner, once again planning for Angela to be home but wary of the possibility that she might stay at work again. He finished his end of semester party by putting away his textbooks. His burden felt lighter by this action. Coming back downstairs he attached the wreath to the front door, then challenged himself to put up the mistletoe. His confidence wavered. Angela hadn't mentioned the missing mistletoe. Mona had; often, but he had ignored her and if she ever mentioned it while Tony and Angela were in the room together, Angela glared at her mother. It hurt Angela to remember all the nice times she and Tony had had under the mistletoe and the fact that he didn't want mistletoe this year hurt her even more. She didn't know, she didn't see that Tony wanted the mistletoe there just as much as she did. Her mother wasn't helping the situation, every time she brought up the lack of mistletoe in Tony's presence she wanted to crawl under a table in embarrassment. She thought she was used to her mother's insensitivity, but this hit new heights, even for her.
Tony only knew that Mona was not helping the situation with her mistletoe hints; he'd asked her to stop, but Mona was Mona and nothing was going to stop her. At least she would shut up after today. The mistletoe would be there, so she would have nothing to complain about. Whether he and Angela would make more wonderful memories under the mistletoe, he had no idea. At least the opportunity would be there; and opportunity might be all he needed. Tony placed the mistletoe in its customary location and went to check on dinner.
While Tony was in the kitchen, Jonathan flew through saying he was going over to a friend's for dinner and to study. He didn't blame the kid, with the strained mealtimes around the house recently, going out what the best option. Tony barely had time to absorb Jonathan's departure, when Mona popped in long enough to say she'd met a man during lunch and was going out with him for dinner. The defections of the two of them left Tony with a lot of pasta on his hands. A lot of pasta, and a lot of loneliness. It was going to be a tv dinner for him tonight; quite a letdown after the euphoria of the day.
Tony poured himself a nice glass of wine, filled a bowl with pasta, made a salad and took his repast into the living room to find something good, or at least tolerable, on tv. He clicked on the tv, picked up the pasta bowl and sat back, propping his feet up on the coffee table. If he was going to be alone tonight, he was going to be comfortable. While surfing through the channels he heard the front door open. He dropped the remote control in surprise. "Angela?" he said, absolutely astonished that she was actually home in time for supper. He shouldn't have been all that surprised as she hadn't called to say she wouldn't be home; but he had become so inured to her being away that he just took it for granted now that she wouldn't be home whether she called or not. Tony quickly regained his wits and got his feet off the table.
The look of shocked guilt on Tony's face was not the expression Angela hoped would greet her when she opened the door. It had been a tough day and she was hoping for some of the comfort Tony was usually so good with. She immediately saw that her rough day was going to be followed by a rough night. Angela put her briefcase on the table and went over to put her coat, scarf and hat on the rack.
Still not quite believing his eyes, Tony put down his dinner and stood up, "Angela, you're home," he said as though he still didn't quite comprehend her presence.
"Yes, I do live here."
"I'd almost forgotten."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she said more harshly than she meant.
Tony winced, "nothing; bad joke." It was a very bad joke and he silently berated himself for it. Time for a change of subject, "do you want some dinner?"
"Yes. Where is everyone else?"
"Studying and dating; I'm sure you can figure out which person is doing which."
Tony saw a little glimmer of hope when this answer produced a laugh from Angela; it wasn't a full blown laugh, more of a little "of course" chuckle, but Tony grasped hope from any sort of positive response from her.
Angela nodded, trying to cover for the fact that being alone with Tony was not what she had expected. She thought her mother and son would be there, but there was nothing she could do about it at this point. Desperate for conversation she looked at the tv, "anything good on?"
"Not really, but I haven't had a chance to look completely. Why don't you see if there's anything on while I get dinner?"
"Ok," she answered, then watched him go into the kitchen. When he was out of her sight, something else caught her attention. The mistletoe. Now it was Angela's turn to be stunned. Tony hadn't told her he was going to buy any this year, and she certainly hadn't brought up the subject with him. Which left one question in her mind: did Tony put the mistletoe there, or did her mother in some twisted plot to bring her and Tony together? Unable to answer that question, she moved on to another: did she dare bring up the mistletoe to Tony, or should she ignore it?
While still trying to come up with the answer to that question, Tony reappeared, bearing a tray which held not only Angela's dinner but also a bottle of wine. He was being careful not to spill anything so didn't notice that Angela's attention was not on him. He put the tray on the coffee table which gave Angela the time to pull her attention away from the mistletoe and back onto the tv.
"Find anything good?" he asked as he poured Angela a glass of wine.
"What?" Angela answered, confused. Was Tony referencing the mistletoe, and if he was, did that mean he was actually flirting?
"On tv?"
Angela looked down to see the remote in her hand, "Uh, no; sorry, not yet." So much for flirting. She quickly turned her attention to the tv, flipping through the channels without really seeing what was on.
"Hey, slow down, will ya?"
"Oh, sorry." They sat down, Angela handed him the remote as she was more interested in food than tv. Her first bite of dinner reminded her that it had been far too long since she had had a good home-cooked dinner; or more precisely, a dinner cooked by Tony. It felt so good to be home and eating delicious food again. She started eating more quickly thinking that it would cement this feeling in her, the true definition of comfort food.
"Whoa, slow down again, will ya? Keep that up and you'll choke." Although it would be nice to put his arms around her in the Heimlich position, the price of having Angela almost die was not the way he wanted to put his arms around her again. The way he wanted to have her in his arms again was to escort her over to the mistletoe, gently take her in his arms and kiss her tenderly, letting her know how very much he loved her. Lost in his daydream, Tony's eyes unfocused and he stayed in that happy thought until he heard Angela say, "mpfh, sorry." At least he thought she said sorry, he looked at her and she still had a forkful of spaghetti in her mouth. He thought she looked adorable. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Starting to feel self-conscious, Angela stopped eating. "Do I have sauce on me, Tony?"
"What? No...I...just remembered that I wasn't sure if I had put the wreath up on the front door or not." He had to say something, even if what was really on his mind was his amazement that she was actually home and sitting next to him.
"You did, it looks nice."
"Thanks." Tony went back to his own dinner and trying to find something on tv, but no matter how many times he flicked through the myriad channels, nothing was on.
"Turn it off Tony, I'm getting tired of the babble."
So was Tony, but he was a little scared to turn off the tv, because then they would have nothing to cover the silence between them. Hoping that this silence could be turned into communication and a break through, Tony turned off the tv.
He instantly regretted this action.
The silence in the living room was beyond uncomfortable; beyond awkward. Tony and Angela had nothing to say to each other. Angela had been so uncommunicative for so long that she couldn't find her way back to starting a conversation with Tony. Tony once again went to what he thought was a surefire topic with Angela: work. He hoped this time the topic would lead to a longer conversation than the one they had on Thanksgiving. Taking fortification from another sip of wine, Tony asked, "how was work today?"
Angela winced and Tony realized that his fantastic idea hadn't been so fantastic after all. Of course work hadn't gone well today, why else would Angela be home? If work had gone well, she'd still be in the office, surrounded by the atmosphere she loved the most. The fact that she wasn't spoke volumes, and he'd missed the clue. The fact that he missed it bothered him more than Angela's reason for being home, it was another example of how far apart they had grown.
"It was fine, Tony," Angela gritted out. Considering that she had at one point wanted nothing more than to talk with Tony about work, her sudden reluctance surprised even her. She didn't want to talk to him about work anymore. On the train home all she could do to keep sane was think about how Tony would make everything all better, but now, in his presence, everything was worse. Their being alone together was only pointing out to her that she could no longer depend on him for support. He had become a stranger to her. How would she get through future tough days without him? She made a mental note to discuss this with Dr. Bellows.
Tony sat next to Angela confused to the point of exasperation. It was one thing to withdraw from him as a friend, it was quite another to not even share her work concerns with him. It was obvious to him from her response that something had happened at work. How to get her to talk about it was his next challenge. He was right there, willing to listen to anything she had to say, he had no idea that Angela had decided that he had become unsupportive.
"Please tell me what happened, Angela."
"I don't want to talk about it."
Time for a change in tactic, "what do you want to talk about?"
The gauntlet was thrown. Angela stopped eating for a moment. She looked at Tony in a way she hadn't looked at him in months. His eyes looked so warm and welcoming. She could see concern for her in them. Her heart felt nothing but love. All the love she had for this man was bursting out of the cage she'd tried to force it into. She'd tried to hide it from herself, but it hadn't worked. She was over-whelmed.
"I don't want to talk about anything, Tony," she said as a way of trying to protect herself.
"That isn't like you, Angela. We've always been able to talk," he said. "Except for the past few months," his mind silently added.
"There's nothing to talk about, Tony," Angela said in desperation; she couldn't let herself crack in front of him, she had to get out of here. She had to get to the safety of her room, she knew Tony wouldn't dare approach her in her sanctuary.
"Oh, come on, Angela."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean you have barely spoken to me for months. I don't know what's going on with you. I don't know what's going on in the office. You don't know how my semester went. What happened to my best friend?"
Best friend. There were those hated words again. The words that relegated her to non-romantic status. Her heart crashed, the love was suffocated back into that horrific cage. Losing what was left of her appetite, Angela set the remnants of her dinner on the coffee table and stood up.
"Good night, Tony." Angela turned and headed to the staircase.
Tony was not going to let her get away that easily, he stood up as well, "Good night? It's only 8:30."
"I've had a long day."
"If you talked to me about it, it might not seem so long."
"There's nothing to talk about."
"Maybe we should go to couple's therapy." Tony suggested.
"But Tony, we aren't a couple," she answered truthfully and bitterly.
She was arguing semantics with him, "fine, then how about more family therapy then? It worked the last time."
"We aren't a family."
A cold stun overcame Tony. Not a family? The people in this household were more precious to him than any others on earth; how could Angela dismiss this so callously? It was at this moment that Tony muttered something in Italian that Angela did not understand. Looking behind her and past Tony, Angela's eye caught the mistletoe again. Anger seethed through her. Anger at Tony's complete lack of comprehension, his continual pestering of her tonight and at his audacity to hang mistletoe. She started up the staircase.
"Angela, I'm sorry," Tony yelled desperately, contritely and as a last hope.
Angela stopped mid-step, clutched the rail with her right hand and turned her head to regard him quizzically, "what are you talking about, Tony? What are you sorry about?" She could not comprehend the meaning behind his words.
He crossed over to the staircase in two strides, he ached to put his hand over hers, but that invisible force field between them was still keeping them apart.
"I'm sorry about whatever I did or didn't do that turned us into this." He motioned back and forth to the empty air between them
"This?" She mimicked his motion.
How could she not understand? How could she not see the gulf between them?
"The strangers we've turned into the past couple of months. I miss you. I love you."
There was nothing but quiet; no Christmas music played, the tv had long been silent, there was only a tense stillness that an anxious Tony hoped would be filled by Angela coming down off that staircase and into his arms. It was time for the hell of the past few months to be over; it was time to declare the truth.
Angela's response was robotic, "I love you too Tony, you know that." She was beyond feelings at the moment, not really registering what he had said. Even if she had been able to discern his words, she would have dismissed his declaration as referring to friendship only. They'd resisted the truth for so long that it became their reality. Neither knew how to find the other anymore. Angela slowly turned and walked up the stairs.
Tony watched her go, stuck to the floor as though he had been hit by lightning.