Ch 47- Grow, Grow, Grow…

February 1921

'Grow, grow, grow, grow." Charlie whispered to himself. He was restless and couldn't stop tossing and turning.

It was deep into the wee hours, the night before his sixth birthday, and the little boy found himself very anxious to grow. All his siblings and his best friend had grown so much that year. Even Lady Edith had seemed to get a little taller, and he felt like he really hadn't. Charlotte and Ben had grown a few inches. Sam had gone from baby to toddler. Lucy had grown out of nothing into a whole little baby. Yet here he was: stunted, not growing: left behind.

Charlie Carson Jr climbed out of bed sleepy eyed, his teddy bear in hand and made his way into his parent's dark room where his father lay snoring, holding his much smaller mother close. It would be many years into his adulthood before Charlie would take note of how his father held his mother in sleep. He cuddled her like she was the most delicate, precious thing in the world. But yet even in tender moments of sleep with their children present, he caressed her as one did a lover.

Charlie peered down into his tiny baby sister's bassinet, studying her carefully. At seven weeks, Lucy was still very small and covered in bruises from her traumatic birth but she was gaining strength. The little boy brushed the baby's tiny hand gently. Although asleep, she took it, squeezing it tight, causing him to smile. Lucy made him feel purposeful.

Charlie had come to adore the newborn in a way he didn't anyone else. Charlotte was his best friend, his equal. She was part of him and always would be. Sam was becoming his friend in the way Ben had always been, only in a more heartfelt sense. They were the Carson brothers and would remain a pair all their lives. But as the oldest, Charlie saw his teenie tiny bruised littlest sister as his to protect. Something about that made him gain confidence in himself. It made him feel big, as he longed to be.

"Do you think it'll be okay Lucy?" He asked very quietly.

He felt he could confide in her. Mummy, daddy and all the other adults gave him what he felt was false reassurance. Charlotte and Ben paid little mind to his concern and Sam would grab his nose and laugh. Somehow he felt as though Lucy listened, even though she was much too tiny to pay him mind. Lucy sighed at her big brother's question, sucking on her fingers as he spoke.

After months and months of praying to grow, Charlie was still the shortest of the three children who were having a birthday that day. The little boy, who wanted more than anything to be like his strong, imposing father, forced himself to consider that he was simply short as his mother was, or that maybe something was wrong with him. Little Charlie paused for a moment, swallowing the lump that had begun to form his throat and as his angst increased, he made his way to his mother's bedside. He'd had enough of being brave and enough of giving his mother space: he needed her now.

"Mummy?" He asked, a lump forming in his tummy as he hugged his bear.

"Mmm Charlie?" She asked, stirring.

"What?" Carson asked, startled. His wife's words had jolted him awake and he was trying to get out of bed even though he was still half asleep.

"Mr. Carson, I was talking to your son…" She soothed.

"O-oh." Carson understood, pretending he was awake now.

"Charlie what is it m'love?" Elsie asked.

"Mummy I'm scared." He whispered.

"What is it m'lad?" Carson asked, yawning.

"Here climb into bed with Mummy and Daddy." Elsie offered.

Charlie climbed in eagerly and without hesitation, hugged his mother.

"Why are you so afraid my son?" Carson sat up and turned on the light, the clock at his side catching his eye.

"What if Charlie shrinking?" He asked, sighing as he buried his face in his mother's stomach.

"Oh my baby, no." Elsie soothed. "You're not shrinking lad."

"Come here son." Carson said, reaching over to lift him into his arms. "It's a certain little boy's birthday right now." He reminded.

"It is?" Charlie yawned; having not realized it was past midnight.

Elsie smiled deeply when she looked at the clock, realizing it was just that time. "It's his very special birthday right now."

"Charlie grow for birfday?" He mumbled hopefully, beginning to get sleepy as he rested in his father's arms, finally comforted somehow.

"Charlie will grow in time." Carson soothed; sick of having this discussion with his oldest son.

"But for now." Elsie continued. "You're our precious little boy and although you're anxious to get big we wouldn't have it any other way for now."

Carson and Elsie paused, each kissing one of their son's cheeks. Although he worried about his growth, they appreciated his youth and loved that he was little, especially now in the hour of his birth. Carson held his son tight, cradling him like a baby until he fell asleep.

Carson almost giggled, tears in his eyes. "Funny the lad longs to grow… when he doesn't realize what a gift he is, just as he is. Thank you for my most wonderful my gift Elsie." Carson smiled as he looked down at their son. "Even after six years, the surprise, the awe, the pride, the overwhelming love of having this beautiful little girl and a wonderful wee lad of my own… it never goes away and it never will."

"Oh no Charlie. No it never will." She said, leaning up and kissing him on the lips.

….

"Peek-a-boo! Ha! Peek-a-boo!" Cora giggled.

Everyone in the house was fastidiously preparing for that night's joint birthday party. Elsie was never sure how she felt about these parties, but was grateful that Cora and Robert insisted that the twins not be left out of the festivities. After all, as Robert had once explained it: 'It's their special day and they too are children of the house.'

Mrs. Patmore was fast at work baking a cake big enough for the whole house to partake in while Elsie went about her work, Samuel on her hip. The children had the day off from school and were running about the house playing various games, being supervised wherever they went by either of their mothers or Edith.

Meanwhile, Cora found herself alone in the drawing room with baby Lucy. It was an offer Elsie had been surprised to receive and hesitant to accept.

"Peek-a-boo!" Cora squealed, tickling Lucy.

The baby was too tiny to manage much of a smile, but slobbered and giggled a bit, snuggling into the lady's arms in a way that simply melted her heart.

"Cora?" Robert asked, surprised when he opened the door.

"Look Lucy, look whose here, its Lord Grantham would you like to say hello?"

Robert smiled, sitting next to his wife, surprised when she eased the child into his arms without asking. "Hello Lord Grantham." She baby talked. "I'm Miss Lucy Carson, do you remember me?"

"How could I forget the third Carson child born in my house? I'm pleased to meet you again, Lucy." He said, taking the tiny girl's hand. She yawned, squeezing his finger tight.

Robert turned and stared back at his wife as she gazed down at the baby, entranced.

"Cora." He said firmly. "I've been thinking of what you said and you're quite right."

Robert felt guilty, knowing he'd started it when he'd asked for a baby over Christmas. He'd been drunk, but he'd met every word. Deep down, he felt young and alive and wanted more than anything to have a fifth child with her. But over the last six weeks, he'd come to understand that she was right. Two of their daughters were wed, Ben was still a small boy, and childbearing was a danger for her.

"Hmmm?" She asked.

"Cora my love. We shouldn't try to have another baby." He said.

Robert paused when he heard their son and his friends run by, laughing a mile a minute, his middle daughter at their heals trying to keep them from running amok. She stared back at him, her eyes pooling with tears, knowing he was right. He sighed, lovingly resting his butler's youngest child back in his wife's arms.

"You see, we have a wonderful life, and home. Filled with life and love, and lovely people to share it all with." He said, tickling Lucy's cheek, causing her to squeal.

She nodded, teary-eyed. "That's right." She said. "No Robert I agree. We're blessed with a lot of wonderful people. That's a wonderful point."

Cora cuddled Lucy close, thinking back to the day she'd almost miscarried Benjamin. Suddenly she found herself still hurting but overwhelmed with gratitude not just for her son, but for the Carson children who she loved so much.

Robert leaned and kissed his wife tenderly. "Thank you, on this day of his birth for our wonderful, blessed son." He whispered. "And for all the wonderful daughters who came before him."

"Oh Robert, thank you for a life better than I could've imagined."

"That, my love, was your doing. And don't ever think." He began, smiling down at Lucy. "That there's not a second in my life I wouldn't want to have one of these with you again."

"Oh Robert." She whispered. Doe-eyed, she pressed her forehead against her husband's. "Isn't she precious?" She giggled.

He was right: Lucy (and all the Carson children) brought her (and her son) joy and maybe that was enough.

"She's perfect and I think we should offer to babysit more often." He teased.

"I agree." She bit her lip. "But what do we tell Benjamin?"

"Benjamin? What the devil does he have to do with this… he's off to Eton in seven…"

"About that…" She began but he didn't hear.

"Don't tell me he wants a baby brother." He laughed.

"A sister!" She exclaimed, her eyes sparkling.

…..

'Okay, so I must get cake.' Sam thought, quickly observing Mrs. Patmore's baking from his place on his mother's hip where he'd been all day. 'How do I get them to give it to me now?'

The baby boy jumped, forgetting his plotting when he heard the thunder of bigger little feet charge down the stairs.

"No!" Edith laughed, stopping her brother and the twins from coming in the kitchen. It was a last ditch effort, she'd been attempting to stop them from coming downstairs for at least twenty-minutes. "It's a surprise. The three of you wouldn't want to ruin your surprise now would you?" She asked, getting on her knees.

"For cake we would." Charlotte answered.

"Upstairs! Upstairs with the lot of you." Carson commanded, coming up behind the children.

"Daddy!" The twins cried.

"Carson!" Ben added.

"The three of you go, now."

They scurried up the stairs at his command, leaving their inexperienced caregiver in the dust.

"I…"

"It's alright, they take a bit of getting used to, m'lady." Carson comforted, leaving her alone at the foot of the stairs.

…

Mary raised an eyebrow, studying herself carefully in the vanity mirror as the pouring rain outside turned into a slushy snow.

"Anna?" She asked, her maid as she put a necklace on her.

In that instant, Mary jumped as Ben and the twins passed by her room, consumed in yet another noisy game.

"Of course Edith can't control them…" Mary rolled her eyes.

"I'll say she does have her hands full m'lady." Anna giggled.

"I suppose. I know my children would never be that rowdy. I swear mama lets him get away with murder. The little king."

Anna didn't really agree, and said nothing in return.

"Is the door is shut?" Mary continued.

The two turned suddenly when someone hit the door hard.

"BENJAMIN CRAWLEY!" Mary barked.

Anna rushed to open the door, and in an instant, Ben, Edith and the twins all tumbled in.

"Oh my goodness someone's a bit excited." Anna observed.

"It's our birfday." Charlie reminded.

"Yes I know it's your birthday." Mary approached and got on her knees. She took her little brother's chin in hand and raised it to meet her gaze.

Edith could sense her older sister's annoyance and got up off the floor, Charlotte in her embrace. Ben, however, sensed something far more sinister than annoyance and winced at her touch.

"You're quite growing up." She reminded, trying her best to be as kind as she could. "You're almost out of the nursery… it's time you tame your childish games a little, don't you think Benjamin?" He disagreed, but nodded wide-eyed at her suggestion. "Edith should've learned that." She smiled up at the sister she disliked most.

"Come on." Edith said, keeping Charlotte's hand and taking Ben's.

Charlie stood and stared for a moment, understanding already that she didn't much like his best friend and that as Carson's son he could get away with doing so.

"Run along Charlie." Mary teased, knowing the clever boy would understand. "Edith needs some mature guidance."

Anna was surprised at Mary's treatment of the children and found herself speechless when she closed the door.

"Don't you think that was a bit harsh, m'lady? I think you have a little brother who thinks you don't care for him."

Mary threw her hands down, a bit frustrated. "Of course I.. I care for him."

The oldest Crawley child was conflicted. She did love her little brother, really she did. But the jealousy she had toward him and little Charlotte Carson had never gone away. Now that she was married, ready to take the seat of power and found herself unable, she found that her jealousy of her little brother, Downton's heir, had increased ten-fold.

"What do you use?"

"I beg your pardon, m'lady what do you mean?"

"Well you and Bates, you don't have children yet either."

"No we don't…"

This was a sensitive subject one Anna was uncomfortable considering. Mary paused, clutching the chair at her side as she started to play with her pearls.

"I, I was just wondering how it is that Mrs. Hughes has two new babies, at her age, and neither you or I has yet to have one."

…

"She's just a little dream Elsie." Cora said, placing tiny Lucy back in her mother's waiting arms at the end of the party.

"Thank you so much for keeping her, m'lady." Elsie was grateful for the help, but had desperately missed her baby and was sure she never wanted to spend that much time apart from her again.

By this time, all the children had tired themselves out after a day of playing.

Baxter had taken Benjamin to bed, and Beryl had taken the twins downstairs to get them ready for their journey home. It'd been a happy, eventful birthday except for the fact that Charlie had not grown, not one bit and Ben's little sibling would remain a thing of dreams. Neither boy, not having come close to growing into men, realized that their deepest desires were not broken dreams but instead things of the future. Charlie would grow into a formidable man, just like his da and would become the hero of many men (just as he'd perceived his da to be). And while Ben didn't see it that way, he was and always had been among brothers.

Once Elsie and Lucy left, Cora grabbed all the letters that had come that day and cuddled up to her husband beside the fire.

"So, how will we be telling Benjamin that he won't be becoming a big brother any time soon?" He asked, kissing her cheek.

Tired, he laid his head back, not noticing that she was reading. He closed his eyes, ready for a good night's rest.

"HA!" Cora gasped, her eyes lighting up. "ROBERT!"

"What?! What?!" Alarmed, he sat up very suddenly.

"Oh my goodness! It looks as if Ben will get his wish!"

"WHAT?!"

"Sybil's pregnant!" She squealed.