WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS

Based upon "Edward the Very Useful Engine" by David Mitton

Adapted by Zack Wanzer and Rachel Ravens

"Really?" Bear blinked in surprise at Diesel. "Jack lied about not causing the accident?"

"He's really young," Diesel admitted. "And… his lie pales in comparison to what I did years ago."

"Well, what really matters is you both made things right," smiled Bear. "Jack's still learning, as we all are."

"I guess you're right, Bear," said Diesel. "I've no doubt Jack is a good construction vehicle. If I could learn my lesson, he could easily do the same."

Bear's guard's whistle blew. "I'll see you later, Diesel."

"You too, Bear. Keep your strength up."

As Bear continued down the line, he felt the weight of the trucks slowing him down.

"Oh my; Diesel wasn't kidding about what he said," he panted.

"Never mind, ol' boy," said his driver. "We'll be able to get some help up the hill." Bear slowed down at Wellsworth station, eventually coming to a stop beyond the platform. Derek was nearby in the yards.

"Hello there, Bear," the Paxman diesel called over. "Need a banker buddy?"

"Yes, please," panted Bear. "I think we may need Murdoch back here at this rate; the goods traffic is getting really heavy."

"I can't imagine," remarked Derek as he buffered up to the back of the train. "Say, who's this Murdoch chap you speak of, Bear?"

"He's a 9F class engine, said to be the strongest class of steam engine on the mainland with ten driving wheels," explained Bear as they started. "He was on Sodor before, helping us when we headed to London."

"Ah yes, the famous London trips," said Derek. "You were only a new engine on Sodor yourself when that happened, from what you told me."

Bear chuckled, remembering. "You should have been there too. I'm sure Sir Topham Hatt wouldn't have minded one more."

It wasn't long before the climb up Gordon's hill began to get steeper. Two sets of diesel fumes rumbled out of their vents, although Derek's was slowly beginning to thicken and get darker.

"Bear!" he called. "How much further do we have to go?"

"Not far from the top, Derek," replied the Hymek. "Keep your strength up, then we can have a short rest at Maron."

However, right as Bear uttered those words, it happened.

BANG!

"Oh, goodness gracious me!" coughed Derek. "What's happened?!" Thick black smoke billowed out all around the Paxman as the train came to a stop.

"I think you overheated, Derek," sighed his driver, getting down to look. "You'll need to go to the Dieselworks I'm afraid."

"Ugh," groaned Derek. "I thought this problem was cured for good!"

"Every engine breaks down sometimes, Derek," assured Bear. "This is the first time I remember you overheating in a long time."

Back at Wellsworth, Spencer pulled in while BoCo was on the branch line platform. The silver engine was still on his first visit to Sodor.

"It's so nice of you to volunteer to help us with the goods traffic," said BoCo, innocently.

"If volunteering for goods traffic is what you call 'nice'," sniffed Spencer, "I'd hate to imagine what would be considered 'amazing'."

BoCo just laughed. He knew the real reason for this was Spencer being punished with goods traffic after being rude and dismissive to the engines on Sodor. Just then, the stationmaster came to speak with the Metropolitan-Vickers.

"I'm afraid Derek's broken down banking Bear's train," he said. "Do you think you could come help him out?"

"Of course I can," said BoCo. "I hope Derek gets fixed up soon."

"Figures," Spencer muttered to himself. "Trust a lemon like that Class 17 to break down and delay reliable runners."

BoCo didn't say anything as he rolled away to help; his scowling at the large silver engine did all the talking.

Most of the smoke had cleared away by the time BoCo had arrived to help Derek.

"I'm so sorry about this, BoCo," apologized Derek. "And to think that my teething troubles had been resolved…"

"You've nothing to apologize for, Derek," insisted BoCo. "A breakdown could happen to any engine; even an engine like Flying Scotsman or Mallard isn't mechanically perfect."

"I… guess so," said Derek.

"Besides," continued BoCo, "we both started out on similar paths on British Railways. And Sir Topham Hatt cared so much he decided to have our engines rebuilt."

"You're right, BoCo," smiled Derek. "Even though we're not the same class, you're like my older brother. Thank you for being there for me. And Bear too."

"We Sudrian diesels have to stick together," said BoCo. "There's only a small band of us on the island."

"And for good reason," scoffed another voice. BoCo and Derek grimaced as they heard Spencer pull up.

"Oh dear…" muttered Derek to himself. "Here comes the silver showoff…"

"That's 'Silver Bullet' to you, lemon," Spencer huffed, putting emphasis on the last word. "This railway has operated for years without diesels, and then you lot just have to come and spoil the image. We steam engines never have any issues."

"Then what's this I hear about a certain 'Silver Bullet' running out of water?" BoCo retorted; his tone was calm, but clearly angered with a hint of hurt. "And on this very hill, no less?"

Spencer went red in the face with the insult and fumed away.

"He's so rude…" Derek whimpered, almost on the verge of tears. "Doesn't he know what it's like to have mechanical faults in his design?"

"Gordon said that the A4s were some of Gresley's finest designs," sighed BoCo. "I hate to admit it, but it seems his claim is correct."

After BoCo had dropped off Derek at the Dieselworks, he gathered up the engines at Tidmouth sheds.

"Engines," he addressed, "it has been brought to my attention that Spencer might have been about as bad as the likes of Bowler."

"That's a bit of a bold claim to make, BoCo," gasped Oliver. "I mean, he doesn't seem like the type of engine who'd wish for another to be scrapped."

"He didn't have to say it out loud, Oliver," grunted BoCo. He winced as he was about to speak again. "Spencer… called Derek a 'lemon'."

"He did not!" gasped Gordon; the other engines were also in shock.

"But… what does a fruit from a tree have to do with Derek?" asked Julie, the only one who was confused.

"It's not that type of lemon, Julie," explained Edward. "BoCo means that Spencer was referring to Derek as mechanically faulty."

"I know how that feels," groaned Henry. "Remember how I had performed before my rebuild? Some passengers and even Mr. Regaby showed no sympathy whenever I steamed poorly."

"Sounds like this Mr. Regaby's a right scallywag," said Salty. "Wouldn't want to run into him."

"Oh, he hasn't been seen by any of us since I was walled up in the tunnel," said Henry with a slight chuckle. "You can thank his granddaughter, Annabelle, for that." He turned serious when he spoke again. "All the same, you're definitely on the level, BoCo."

"The sooner that Spencer leaves, the better," grunted Diesel. Just then, the group heard a whistle.

"Is anyone late to the meeting?" asked Salty.

"Nope," grunted BoCo. "But I do know that someone was not invited…"

"So what?" said Spencer. "Is this a private meeting? North Western engines only? But why are the likes of Bill, Ben and Mavis here? They're not North Western engines."

"No, but we work alongside them, Spencer," said Mavis. "You weren't invited because… oh, I don't know, you haven't earned your place among us!"

"And you insulted Derek!" gasped Bill.

"We may like jokes, but this goes beyond being a joke!" added Ben.

"You are to go now!" huffed Gordon, moving forwards a little. "If you dare insult my friends like that one more time…"

Rather taken aback by this, Spencer huffed away, muttering under his breath. The North Western engines - as well as Bill, Ben and Mavis - were relieved, but they were still angry with Spencer.

The engines' feelings toward Spencer did not improve as they prepared for their runs for the day.

"I can't believe this," Duck grunted as he came into Knapford. "First Spencer insults diesels and electric engines in general, and then he goes off at Derek for breaking down. I swear, he acts as though he's better than us just because he's privately owned."

"No offense to Mavis, Bill and Ben, right?" said Edward as he puffed in; the red coaches in tow.

"Oh, of course not, Edward," said Duck. "Sorry, I'm just a little wound up right now."

"I know, we've all gotten very wound up over this," sighed Edward. "Between my own shy steaming, and Henry, BoCo and Derek all getting ridiculed for their own mechanical faults… it's gotten to me too." That was saying a lot, as not many things got to the old blue engine.

"You and Henry as well?" smirked Spencer. "My goodness, is Sodor like a hospital or something?"

"What you call a hospital, we call a safe haven for all engines and vehicles," said Edward, dangerously calm. "Sir Topham Hatt is always willing to give any engine a chance, even if they have the worst cooling system or smallest firebox."

"And if you're a pompous overturned bathtub on rails," added Duck with a smirk, "he'll be more than willing to send you packing."

Sean, Mick, Harry and Randolph snickered at Duck's remark.

"OVERTURNED BATHTUB?!" thundered Spencer; his outburst caused the red coaches to stop laughing. "Typical Western behavior; always lording over other engines with their 'God's Wonderful Railway' slogan."

"Well, to be fair, the shared initials are a bit coincidental–" Duck began.

"And then," Spencer continued, cutting off Duck, "there's that claptrap they make about City of Tinsdale–"

"City of Truro!"

"–or whatever their name is, being the first engine to reach a hundred miles per hour! Everyone knows that Flying Scotsman broke the record first!"

"City of Truro's run happened before Flying Scotsman was even built!" growled Duck.

"Alright, that's enough!" snapped Edward, blowing his whistle. "Spencer, just shut up for once in your life, and get out of here!"

Spencer, taken aback, slipped away when his guard blew the whistle.

"I'm sorry, Edward…" Duck said, quietly.

"I know how close you are to Truro, Duck." Edward said, calmly. "Your loyalty is very admirable."

"Thank you," Duck smiled. But all the same, Spencer had gone too far in the matter of two days. The pannier tank quietly conspired in his mind.

"Cous, are you sure about this?" asked Oliver. Duck was due to take some trucks up to Crovan's Gate to be mended. The branch line engines usually rotated this task every week and this time, it was Duck's turn for the Little Western.

"More than sure, Oliver," said Duck. "Don't worry; I know what I'm doing, and I'll be okay."

"Just be sure there's no broken trucks," whispered Oliver.

However, as Duck left the branch line to get to Gordon's hill, he was wondering if this was a good idea.

"I sure hope I can pull this off…" he said under his breath. "If Spencer can change his mind on Derek, that's a step in the right direction."

The pannier tank engine started puffing up the hill, when the trucks realized something.

"Hey!" cried Rickety. "The quacker's slowing down!"

"Has he finally decided to play with the other ducks?" asked Suncole.

"There's no other duck ponds for miles, you dummy!" said the U.L.P. van.

"Duck should play with other ducks, cause he's no good at pulling trucks!" sang Rickety. "Quack, quack, quack, quack! Hold back! Hold back!"

The trucks all started singing and laughing at Duck; however, the U.L.P. van was still wondering where the nearest duck pond was.

"Oh, shut up, all of you!" grunted Duck. Suddenly, he found his wheels had stopped altogether. "Oh, of all the rotten luck…"

"Indeed," said his driver. "Spencer's supposed to be coming up this hill soon." The driver scrambled down to ring the signalman. "Excuse me, but could you divert Spencer? Duck's stuck in the middle of Gordon's hill."

"I can't do that," the signalman replied. "Spencer's already gone through with his train."

Mr. Baldwin scrambled down from the brake van and waved his red flag.

"Oh, for the love of…" grunted Spencer. "If I stop here, I'll never get started again!"

"At least you've got water this time," Duck smirked. "Isn't that an improvement?"

"Shut it, Westerner!" snapped Spencer as he buffered up to Duck's train. His wheels spun as he tried to push Duck and his train, as well as pulling his own, but it was no use.

"Now what?" groaned the silver engine's driver. "Neither train's moving!"

"Then we'll need to call for a banker," said Spencer's fireman.

"Did someone say 'banker'?" said a cheerful voice.

"Derek!" smiled Duck. "Welcome home!"

Indeed, the Class 17 had come rolling down the hill back to Wellsworth, his engine freshly repaired, when he saw the commotion.

"My, oh my, Spencer," remarked Derek. "Trying to be a middle engine, are we? I must say, that doesn't sound like something an engine of your caliber would do."

"Just get another engine to help us out," Spencer seethed; Derek was the last engine he wanted to see right now.

"Do you think you can help out, please, Derek?" asked Duck. "I'll do my best on my end, but I can't promise anything about Spencer."

"Of course, Duck," said Derek. He then whispered, "Only because you're one of the engines who needs my help."

The Class 17 buffered up to the back and tooted a signal. "Ready, Duck?"

"I'm ready, Derek!" Duck replied, blowing his own whistle. With Duck pulling and Derek pushing as hard as they both could, the unusual train started off. Spencer didn't help; he just sulked instead.

"Are you serious, Bear?!" gasped Rheneas. "Spencer said that about Derek?!"

"As if having a low opinion about diesels and electrics wasn't enough, yes," said Bear. "There's a word for engines like him – prejudiced."

"Sounds like he's as bad as Bowler," said Ruth.

"That's what BoCo said," Bear sighed. "If only there was a way to–" He was cut off by a whistle. "Ah, that's Duck now. He's a bit late. Maybe he had a breakdown of some kind; I hope he's okay."

"Fit as a fiddle, actually!" remarked Duck as he steamed into the station. To Bear, Rheneas and the coaches' surprise, there was Spencer in the middle of the train, and Derek was trailing far behind in the rear.

"Duck, Derek, what's happened?!" gasped Rheneas. "And why is Spencer in the middle of the train?"

"Oh, he's learning," said Duck, struggling to keep a straight face. "Learning to be more mindful about what he says in the future!"

"My goodness," giggled Lucy. "How in the world did that happen?" Derek was uncoupled from the train and rolled forwards until he was alongside Spencer.

"Well, Spencer," the Class 17 remarked with a smirk, "I suppose when life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

Spencer growled and tried to vanish in a cloud of his own steam. But it was hard to miss a streak of silver in the middle of the train.

That evening, Derek and Duck were telling the others everything.

"So, old Spencer became a middle engine, did he?" chuckled Henry.

"Yes," said Duck. "The plan worked perfectly."

"Plan?!" Everyone except for Oliver was very confused.

"Ah… well," said Duck, "I stopped in the middle of Gordon's hill on purpose to get Spencer to slow down and stop. I knew Derek would be back from the Dieselworks soon, so we worked together to get that sulky engine up the hill."

"Well… that's one way to teach an engine a lesson," Thomas trailed. Might need to remember that one.

"Wait… so, you lied to Spencer?" asked Diesel. "Huh… last time you did that was to help save Douglas. Didn't think you'd try that again."

"Maybe you're rubbing off on me," chuckled Duck. "Not sure how I feel about that." The other engines had to laugh too.

"I say, Derek," said Emily, "what was it the Duke and Duchess of Boxford said to you?"

"They said I'd been a very jolly and pleasant engine to be around," chuckled Derek. "But that wasn't what they and Sir Topham Hatt told Spencer. I couldn't hear everything, but I don't think it sounded very flattering!" And the engines laughed together once more.

THE END

Author's Comments

And so we begin the second part of Series 6-7 Redux! I wouldn't say that Edward the Very Useful Engine is a bad episode; far from it, in fact. If anything, it put Edward himself into a box that he wouldn't get out of until he left the Steam Team - proving the big engines (usually Gordon) wrong after they mock him for his age. To be fair, Edward's Exploit had already done so (not helping was that it was in the same season as Old Iron, making James' apology there somewhat pointless), but the Series 6 episode further affirmed it. This was very much why I chose to give the roles to Derek and Spencer (continuing his presence from Gordon and Spencer) instead, with Duck having an increased role and Edward and BoCo having their own little moments to shine. As an added bonus, bits of dialogue from both Middle Engine and Old Stuck-Up were thrown in at the end, further cementing the karma Spencer receives for his mockery of both Derek and Duck.

Upcoming stories:

- It's Only Snow

- Gordon's Breakaway

- Alfie Has Kittens

- Harvey to the Rescue

- Oliver Takes the Road