NO SLEEP FOR CRANKY

Based upon the episode by Paul Larson

Adapted by Zack Wanzer and Rachel Ravens

Down at Brendam docks, the newest diesel on the North Western Railway roster, Salty, was busily shunting trucks about.

"There once was a ship that put to sea

The name of the ship was the Billy of Tea…"

"Ugh, there he goes again," muttered Cranky. "Does that Salty ever stop?"

"I think it's a fun way of working," chuckled Derek, pulling in with his trucks. "Hello, Cranky. Good day, Salty."

"Argh, it be a splendid day, me hearty," smiled the dockside shunter. "What be the latest from our shipmates?"

"Well, unfortunately, Douglas told me Oliver crashed into a crossing gate in the storm last night," Derek sighed.

"Ohh, that can't be good," Salty winced.

"It's always something going on, isn't it?" grunted Cranky. "Crossing gates, snowdrifts, loose crates…"

"Grumpy cranes," Salty chipped in. Derek chuckled while Cranky just groaned and rolled his eyes.

"And wisecracking diesels…"

Just then, a pair of whistles sounded out.

"Hi, Salty and Derek!" Bill and Ben greeted.

"Ahoy there, twins!" Salty replied.

"And what brings you two down to the docks today?" asked Derek, ever curious.

"Well, our manager allowed us to come down here to help Salty with the shunting," said Bill.

"Well then, hurry up!" snapped Cranky from above. "I haven't got all evening!"

"Hmph. You're no fun," huffed Ben.

"You wouldn't be much fun if you were stuck up here all the time, weathering the elements!" retorted Cranky.

"Oh, never mind him, you two," soothed Salty. "The more the merrier, I always say. It's company Cranky be needin', I'm sure."

"Is that why he's called Cranky?" smirked Bill.

"You're lonely!" added Ben.

"I am not, you little pests!" snarled Cranky.

"Well, this reminds me of a lonely old Grand Banks lighthouse keeper," Salty began.

"Ohh, not another one of your blasted stories!" cried Cranky. "I'm still getting over the last one!"

"Oh, please, Salty!" Bill and Ben chimed. "We haven't heard of it."

"I'll tell you as we work," smiled Salty. "A good story and hard work go well together, almost as well as a good song and hard work."

Bill and Ben eagerly went off to find their trucks, and Salty did likewise. Derek rolled off in amusement.

"Salty's like an uncle figure to them," he remarked.

"Twas in the middle of a wee naughty storm," Salty began. "The likes of what you see once in a lifetime."

"Ooh, we had a storm which took out the viaduct once," Bill chipped in. "Did this storm take out something too?"

"Argh, that'd be correct, matey," Salty grinned. "This storm took out a rail bridge over the sea. Right when a train was coming close. And to make matters worse, the lighthouse's light was barely a-flicker against the blackening sky."

"Ooh, my frames are rattling," quivered Ben. Everyone had failed to notice Cranky, whose eye was twitching.

"The lighthouse keeper knew he had to save the train and any ships that came close. He rushed downstairs and tried to find something, anything to fix the light!" Salty continued. "Finally, he managed to find–"

BANG!

"Uh… a load of empty pipes?" asked Bill quickly.

"What–" Salty began. He glanced over, and saw some pipes all over the tracks. "Shiver me axles! Don't hit the pipes!"

Salty, Bill and Ben managed to move their trucks clear, but the pipes were rolling everywhere. One such pipe hit one of the support beams of the sheds, just as a whistle sounded out.

"I say, what's happening here?" called Edward.

"Edward!" cried Ben. "Get back!"

Just as Ben spoke, the shed began to topple over. Quick as a whip, Edward rushed backwards just in the nick of time. The shed came down with a tremendous crash!

"Er… that wasn't supposed to happen…" said Cranky, shocked at what had transpired.

"Edward, are you okay?" Bill asked.

"I am now," the old blue engine replied. "That was too close for comfort. Thank you, Ben."

"We're glad you're okay," sighed Ben. "But now the docks are blocked!"

"And from where I'm standing, so's the way to the china clay works," Edward muttered.

"You've blown the main now, matey!" Salty called over to Cranky, who was still in shock over the mess that he had created.

"Ooh, you're going to get into trouble!" Bill and Ben teased.

"Oh no…" muttered Cranky.

Meanwhile, Sir Topham Hatt was being measured for a new suit.

"I can't believe it…" he was saying to himself. "One minute, I have three grandchildren who are taking their first steps. And now… my eldest is about to get married."

"They do grow up fast, Sir Topham," replied the tailor. "When is the date for young Stephen's wedding?"

"It's in about two weeks' time," said Sir Topham Hatt. "Seems that childhood sweethearts are a common occurrence for my family." Just then, there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Sir Topham Hatt called.

"It's me, honey," said Lady Hatt. "I just got off of a call from the dock manager at Brendam."

"Oh?"

"I didn't hear all of it, but… err… Edmund, I think, nearly got hit with a falling shed."

"Ugh, I keep telling you, it's… Hold on, what?!" He seized his top hat, turning to the tailor. "I'm sorry, duty calls."

Sir Topham Hatt was soon driving down to Brendam docks. He knew that any sort of trouble there would lead to delays. And worst of all, Edward nearly got hurt.

"If anything happens to my engines again, I don't know how I can cope…" he muttered under his breath.

He jumped out of his car and rushed to the dockside. "Edward!" he cried. "Are you alright?!"

"Just a bit shaken, sir, but otherwise, I'm fine," Edward smiled. Sir Topham Hatt sighed with relief. He then turned his attention to Cranky.

"And just what do you have to say for yourself?" he scolded.

"I… er… I'm s-sorry, sir…" Cranky stammered.

"You were very lucky Edward and the others didn't get hurt!" Sir Topham Hatt went on. "But because of this mess caused by your temper, you have delayed trains coming in and out of the docks and the china clay works!"

"I know, sir. I'm sorry, sir," said Cranky meekly.

Sir Topham Hatt sighed. "Edward, you, BoCo and Derek will have to manage things as best you can."

"Er… there be one slight problem, captain," said Salty. "Derek was going to the China Clay Works before the sheds collapsed."

"Oh, botheration!" groaned Sir Topham Hatt, shaking his head. "Hmm… Harvey's covering for Oliver at the moment, and Donald and Douglas have their buffers full on the Little Western too. Perhaps Bear could help down here for now. Also, in the meantime, Isobella and the other lorries will help with the goods traffic, and Bertrand and a few of the other buses will help with the passengers."

"That'd be great, thank you, sir," sighed Edward. "Just make sure that there's no more collapsing sheds." Bill, Ben and Salty quietly agreed.

"As for you three and Derek, you'll have to remain here until I can get Harvey to clear this mess."

"Yes, sir/Aye aye, captain," the three engines chorused. Sir Topham Hatt headed off to make the arrangements, and Edward puffed away.

"Well, at least I'll be able to have a little bit of peace and quiet…" sighed Cranky.

"That reminds me of a story…"

"Ohhhh! Me and my big mouth!"

"Oh, tell us, Salty," grinned Bill.

"Yes, please!" chimed Ben.

"It was a bitter cold winter," Salty began. "The brave little ship was stuck until the ice melted the next spring."

"How did the crew survive for that long?" asked Bill.

"Argh, sailors always stock up with plenty of food, me hearties," Salty smiled. "Mostly cans of it, so it don't spoil so easily. But anyway, he barely made it 'round the cape. After a hundred scary days at sea without a scratch, he sailed into port and crashed his bow, not fifteen feet from me buffers!"

"Did anyone get hurt, Salty?" Ben inquired.

"Luckily, me hearty, no one was hurt."

"Except for my ears!" retorted Cranky.

"But you don't even have ears, Cranky," insisted Bill.

"Neither do we," chuckled Derek as he pulled in. "Hi, everyone. I, er… heard the news…"

"Oh, you're just in time for a round of Salty's stories," smiled Ben. "What else have you got, Salty?"

"Well… there be this tale I heard of a haunted brake van," Salty replied.

"I don't think I've heard that one," said Derek, intrigued. "Fire away, Salty."

"Years ago, there was an old wooden brake van," Salty began. "No one knows where it came from, or how it got there, but he hated any engine who'd take it out."

"Sounds like any brake van who isn't Toad," chuckled Bill.

"One day, the brake van was out on a goods train," Salty continued. "It took a particular hatred to this engine, and decided to make the engine later than ever. The brake van ordered the trucks to hold back."

"Ooh, and then?" asked Ben.

"The coupling broke, and the train rolled down the hill," Salty went on, excitement creeping into his voice. "The engine tried to race after the train. However, the brake van gathered so much speed, it ended up crashing right into some buffers. The weight of the trucks and the buffers was so strong, the brake van smashed to pieces!"

Derek, Bill and Ben shivered at the story.

"And… the brake van was… gone?" trailed Derek.

"Gone in the living realm, yes," said Salty. "But it haunts in the night. Sometimes, if you're taking a train near where the brake van was smashed, you just might hear it howling in pain, just wishing things would stop."

As evening carried on, much to Cranky's dismay, Salty kept on with his storytelling.

"…and that is why you have to puff three times when you're on Misty Island."

"What if you're a diesel?" asked Derek. "You might be out of luck there."

"Ooh…" Salty winced. "In that case, it's best not to end up there in the first place."

"Ugh, a mythical island with a tunnel," grunted Cranky. "Is that it?! Haven't you engines got some sleep to catch up on or something?"

"We're not…" Bill bit his lip, trying to surpass a yawn. "…tired at all."

"You can't fool me, you two," laughed Derek. He then let out a yawn. "I think we all need our shut-eye."

"Aye, me hearties," added Salty. "Sleep well, and I'll tell you another story tomorrow."

"Oh, yay!" Bill and Ben cried eagerly. It wasn't long before they were all fast asleep. All, that is, except for Cranky.

"Thank goodness," he sighed, contentedly shutting his eyes. "Peace at last…" But it didn't last long, however, when…

"Squawk! Squawk!"

"Oh, now what?!" cried Cranky. He looked up to see a seagull resting on top of his crane arm, followed by several more.

"Ugh… Go on now! Shoo!" he snapped. "Some of us have work to do in the morning, you know!" But the seagulls wouldn't shoo away; one even looked at Cranky inquisitively.

"Oh, fine!" groaned Cranky. "You can rest on my arm for the night, but don't you lot go making a mess up there! You know what I mean."

Early the following morning, Salty was once again telling his stories, much to Cranky's displeasure, and the other engines' intrigue.

"…and then, the boat started to capsize. Quickly, the salvage team started to use their cranes…"

"Ohhhh, I can't take anymore!" wailed Cranky, almost on the verge of bursting into tears.

"Oh, lighten up, Cranky," teased Bill. "A little storytelling from Salty never hurt no one!"

"Careful what you say, Bill," warned Ben. "Don't want more pipes to fall."

"Aw, stow it, both of you!" Cranky snapped as the twins giggled. But before anyone could say anything else, they all heard a whistle. Harvey the crane engine was pulling into the docks with Judy and Jerome.

"Hullo, everyone!" greeted Harvey. "Sir Topham Hatt sent us ta help clear away this mess!"

For the first time in ages, Cranky beamed! "Oh, thank goodness!" he sighed. "I promise I'll never misbehave again. As long as I don't have to listen to another of Salty's stories!"

"Hello, Harvey," said Derek. "I thought you were backed up with Oliver's work."

"Well, he was back ta work on the Little Western quicker than expected," explained Harvey. "Those workmen at Crovan's Gate don't waste any time."

"That's good to hear," said Derek. "Well, Bill and Ben, looks like we might be able to get back to the clay pits quicker than we thought."

"Oh, could you tell us that story next time, please, Salty?" asked Bill.

"I'd be more than proud," smiled the dockside diesel.

Soon, the wreckage had been cleared away, and work was back to normal on the Brendam branch. Well… sort of.

"Ah, good day, BoCo," said a cheerful voice. BoCo glanced around. He only saw Edward and Salty at the docks, but neither of them had been the ones to speak. Which meant one thing…

"Good morning to you too, Cranky," said BoCo, surprised at the crane's tone. "Er… is everything okay, Cranky?"

"Never better," he replied. "Now, could you please move your trucks here so I can load them?"

"Of course I can."

"Thank you, BoCo. Got to keep the railway running efficiently, you engines do."

BoCo stared, still confused as he rolled up next to Edward.

"Well, this is new," remarked Edward. "I don't ever recall Cranky being like this before."

"Neither do I," agreed BoCo. "I think I almost like this new Cranky."

"Me too," said Edward. "I tend to think our branch line is more peaceful than some of the other ones around here. And if Cranky is now like this… maybe we'll need to think of another name."

"I do not need another name!" snapped Cranky. As if to prove his point, he slammed the pipes on the ground near Edward and BoCo. This time, however, they didn't roll away. "Er… oops. I meant to do that!"

"Ah well," smiled BoCo. "It was nice while it lasted. Wouldn't you agree, Salty?"

"Cranky be Cranky by name, and Cranky by nature," remarked the dockside diesel. And everyone laughed, except for Cranky, who just went back to work. Some things never change, do they?

THE END

Author's Comments

And so we've approached the twentieth story of Series 6-7 Redux! No Sleep for Cranky is a fun little bottle story - that is, a story that takes place entirely in one location - taking place around Brendam docks. This is another rewrite in which, save for some character swaps and extending the length, is not that much different from the offical episode. I will admit, however, that some dialogue was unashamedly influenced from a redub of the episode by MissOliverandBlossom back in 2008. See if you can spot the references.

Upcoming stories:

- Edward and the Brass Band

- Piece of Cake

- No "I" in Team

- Thomas the Jet Engine

- Cab Your Fear