Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of MGM/Amazon. No copyright infringement intended. I am simply taking my favourite two Gaters for a walk in an Alternate Universe.

Rating: Still T...

Episode Tags: Takes place in Season 7 after 7.16 Death Knell.

TRIGGERS: Unlawful killing, assisted suicide, depression.

A/N: If you or anyone you know suffers from the Black Dog, encourage them to seek help. Ask them R U OK? Contains some bad language. I have no beta, so all mistakes are my own.

Chapter 11: Aftermath

Returning to my office after the debriefing with SG-4 on their last mission, I had barely sat down when the klaxons announcing an unscheduled activation starting blaring. We had multiple teams off-world, yet my stomach dropped because without doubt my most volatile team, SG-1, was one of those teams.

"Close the iris!" I ordered as I approached the bottom of the stairs, "Walter, what do we have?"

"Nothing yet Sir… wait, we have an IDC…" he sucked in a breath, "It's SG-1 Sir."

"Open the iris." I ordered with closed eyes. I had hoped it would not be them, they had been gone barely five hours on a 12-hour mission. I had not been expecting them before 2100 hours since the planet they were on had much longer days than Earth.

"We need a med team!" Daniel's disembodied voice shouted through the Gate connection from the base to the MALP. The Lieutenant sitting beside Walter looked up and I nodded my silent order to proceed.

"Med team to the embarkation room!" She announced just as Daniel and Teal'c dragged a clearly unconscious Colonel O'Neill back through the Gate, Captain Halley walking back through mere meters behind them. She looked up through the glass at me, her face showing no emotion as per normal for her. Whatever had happened had either not shaken the young Captain, or she was another one of those soldiers that internalised everything until their breaking point.

Rushing down the stairs and into the Gate room just as O'Neill was being loaded onto the gurney. He didn't seem to be injured aside from the obvious lack of consciousness.

"Doctor Jackson, what happened?" I asked, a little bewildered at what I was seeing. Everyone bar Colonel O'Neill looked physically uninjured. He looked at me and shook his head, then glanced at the receding gurney.

"General…" He started, but the look on his face spoke volumes.

"Let's take this to the briefing room son." He nodded as he pulled his bandana off. I waited for them to hand their packs and weapons off then walked with the three of them through the blast door and back up the stairs to the control room. "Sergeant, hold my calls." I asked.

"Yes Sir." Walter replied with a small nod.

I watched as Doctor Jackson made his way to the coffee pot and shakily poured himself a coffee. He skulled half of it immediately despite its temperature then topped it off and walked back to the table. Teal'c and Captain Halley were already seated.

"Who wants to start?" I asked, looking from Doctor Jackson to Teal'c and then the young Captain.

"I told you not to send him." Doctor Jackson murmured, taking another gulp of his coffee. "I told you it was a bad idea." Then looked at me with tired emotionally distraught eyes. "We had visitors… Jaffa loyal to Anubis landed a Tel'tak, there were five of them."

"Were five of them." I clarified. The Doctor merely nodded.

"He killed them."

"OK." I responded, not really seeing where it all went pear shaped. "Forgive me Doctor Jackson, but what is the situation? Colonel O'Neill killed Jaffa; I assume they were hostile."

"At first yes, but then…"

"Sir, I was shot with a zat'niktel." Captain Halley interjected. "When I came to, the Colonel was acting weird."

"Weird?" I raised my eyebrows at her turn of phrase.

"General Hammond, Colonel O'Neill experienced a lapse of memory believing he was back at the Alpha site and that Captain Halley was Major Carter." Teal'c explained.

"What did he do Captain?" I asked, hoping that he had not acted inappropriately toward her.

"He was hugging me, saying things like he thought he'd lost me. He was acting like I was more than a soldier under his command." The Captain confirmed. "Like I said, weird. I went along with it; said I was OK, and he just snapped out of it."

"What happened after that?" I asked, thankful that she hadn't pressed the issue of Jack's actions. No one else needed to be aware of the progression of their relationship.

"We had rendered the remaining Jaffa immobile; they were disarmed, one was injured." Doctor Jackson spoke up.

"Remaining, was one of them killed before all this happened."

Doctor Jackson swallowed, "Yes, Jack zatted the one who shot Captain Halley three times."

"I see. Continue, please."

Doctor Jackson looked down at his hands, they were not shaking as much as before, but he was still unsteady. "Teal'c had the Jaffa on their knees, bound…" he shook his head, "Jack went along the line and double zatted them one by one – he killed them General."

I laced my fingers together to stop from gripping the chair or the side of the desk. My most senior officer and second in command of this base had wilfully killed these Jaffa after they surrendered. The sound of blood rushing through my head muffled the beginning of Doctor Jackson's continued explanation, though I already had an idea what he had said.

"… blasted the last one in the back as he ran."

"What!?" I almost yelled, gritting my teeth. I breathed, "You're telling me that Colonel Jack O'Neill shot three restrained Jaffa, then let one go only to shoot him in the back with his own staff weapon?"

"Yes Sir." Both Jackson and Halley responded simultaneously.

"And where you two during all of this?" I asked Teal'c and Captain Halley.

"With all due respect Sir, I questioned his motives at first, but he is my commanding officer. Being my first mission with SG-1, it was not my place…"

I cut her off standing to my full height, "It absolutely is your place to question your CO when he breaks the rules of engagement Captain." I bellowed causing her to flinch. It was the first emotion I had seen from her since she had been assigned to this base. I turned to Teal'c. "How about you?"

"O'Neill and I entered a standoff with staff weapons before Daniel Jackson intervened."

"But you clearly did not shoot him."

"I did not. Nor did he fire on me or Daniel Jackson when he placed himself in harm's way." Teal'c replied. I now understood why Doctor Jackson had been shaking, he had stood between his friends while they bore down on each other with staff weapons.

"Can you confirm any of this Captain?" I asked.

"Yes, Colonel O'Neill demanded that Teal'c fire on him. I tried to get him to stand down, but he refused. That is when Doctor Jackson placed himself between them." I nodded my understanding. It seems that the young Captain did honour her responsibilities as required of her.

"Though he killed without honour, I believe O'Neill sought to end his pain by killing those who serve the one he holds responsible, when that did not work, he sought his own demise. His actions were that of a desperate man." Teal'c stated calmly. "He collapsed moments after being disarmed. We returned via the sedentary Tel'tak.

I leaned heavily on the table and nodded my understanding of the situation. I owed Doctor Jackson an explanation, but not in front of the others. I looked at each of them, looks drawn and tired. "After your medical checks, you are on downtime for a week minimum. Captain Halley, I will reassign you on the next available team. Doctor Jackson and Teal'c, I will see you at the funeral on Wednesday."

"Thank you General." Doctor Jackson replied.

"Unfortunately, I will be required to keep Colonel O'Neill on base for his own safety until we decide what do to with him, unless either of you can stay with him in his home."

"No, General. We need a few days at least." Doctor Jackson replied. I nodded at the young archaeologist. His faith in Colonel O'Neill had been steadfast for almost a decade. Having your commanding officer and good friend hold you at gun point would tarnish even the best relationship.

"Dismissed." I said, then stood watching as the remnants of SG-1 filed out of the room. It was time to see Jack.

Walking into the infirmary, I found the duty nurse. Doctor Fraiser would not be on base until tomorrow morning, and I did not see any reason to interrupt her rare opportunity for downtime when there were no life-threatening injuries.

"Lieutenant, how is he?" I asked since I could not see him in the room.

"Sir, Doctor Warner has placed him in isolation room 2 with two SFs by the door. He woke up about ten minutes ago and was less than happy." She replied diplomatically. I smirked, knowing exactly what she was talking about. Jack was problematic in the infirmary whenever he felt he did not need to be there. That was most of the time.

"Thank you, Lieutenant." I replied, then turned and headed out to go to isolation. As I approached the SF's, they both acknowledged me with muttered 'Sirs' and salutes. I nodded, then opened the door to see a clearly distressed Jack O'Neill sitting up against the wall of the room. He had positioned himself so that neither the cameras nor any observers in the viewing room could see him. He knew this room well, having been here multiple times.

"Jack." I said, using his name to announce my presence. His eyes were dark, skin pasty and his hair unruly as if he had been grabbing at it with his fingers. His arms were wrapped around his bent knees, and he had his body slight rocking motion.

"Come to lock me up Sir?" He asked then snorted humourlessly.

"I am afraid I have no choice son."

"Right."

"What made you do it Jack?"

"It won't stop Sir." He muttered, one hand brushing over his face and through his hair making it stick up even more than before.

"What won't stop son?" I asked, though I had a pretty good idea.

"Screaming, crying, gasping… every time I close my eyes, and sometimes even when I don't…" He grimaced and slammed his head against the wall, then gripped his temples with clawed fingers. "…always there waiting. The blood, her blood… I can't save her, I can't stop it, I see her die over and over and OVER…" The last word came out as a strangled shout, his foot flying forth to kick over an instrument trolley, the clattering sound echoed through the room as it fell spreading its contents across the floor.

The door behind me opened. "Sir?" The leading SF called out. I turned to find them advancing through the door.

"It's OK, stand down Major." I ordered. He nodded and ushered the other SF out the door. I waited for it to click closed. I crouched to gather the instruments and lift the trolley back to its wheeled feet and placing it out of reach.

"Jack, why did you lie to MacKenzie. If you were honest with him, you would not have been cleared and this would never have happened."

"You think I care about those Jaffa?" He said with pained indifference. "That mission – killing them – gave me a couple of hours reprieve of the hell that has been my life for the past 8 fucking days."

I moved closer and did something I would never normally do – I got down to his level. After all, this was Jack O'Neill, arguably my best officer on staff and a good friend. Taking a seat on the floor beside him, I adopted the same pose. "Jack, we want to help you, but to do that, you have to let us."

"We, Sir?"

"How about we dispense with the Sirs for now. Daniel, Teal'c, Janet, Cassandra, and I want to help you through this, even MacKenzie wants to help." I explained ignoring his snort of derision over the last name. Seeing the emotion well up in his eyes, though he squeezed them shut, stubbornly refused to let those tears fall. I could tell he was still in his personal hell.

"Sam was communicating with Samantha. She wanted me to contact her."

I nodded. I had known that Sam was in contact though ordered her to keep it to herself since we told Kinsey and the NID that the mirror had been destroyed. Only Sam and I had known about it. I guess she told Jack before she died. "Then why don't you?" I asked.

He closed his eyes, hands still gripping his head. "How… how do I look at her, talk to her and hear her voice, knowing that I have lost the best thing that ever happened to me." He choked out. "You said last time that it didn't sit right with you, that some lines are meant to be crossed. Why is it different now?"

I was surprised that he had remembered what I had said all those years ago. In truth, it was my belief that humanity was absolute. I found it hard to reconcile more than one of me. I had lost my dear wife over a decade ago and the thought that she was alive in some other space with or without her version of me was devastating. "Have you ever known Major Carter to not do something scientific just because I didn't like it?" I asked.

"No." He snorted in amusement. I smiled at getting at least that much out of him.

"The truth is son, she is alone. You are alone. She is not Air Force. You see where I am going here?" I said knowing that he would never have been allowed to romantically pursue my real goddaughter legally, not that I could tell him about the Stop Loss order on his record, no matter how unjust I thought it was.

"Since we are telling the truth, we didn't care anymore. Legal or not legal, the threat of being court martialled and losing our professional careers was nothing on the misery and heartbreak that we were living apart from one another. The misery and heartbreak that I am still living with now." He rested his temple on his knees, looking at me sideways. Seeing this man this broken was like a lance through my chest. "The Prometheus was the last nail in…" He stopped, clearly that cliché was too close to home. "Four days, I barely ate or slept, I was so worried. I finally realised I couldn't do the honour and duty thing if it meant not being with her."

"Jack, SG-1 are on stand down for a week. I need you to see MacKenzie, for real this time." I ignored the muffled groan as he rolled his head on his knees. "Don't do your run and hide tactics with him. You are confined to base until after the funeral."

He shook his head, "Sir, I can't… I can't sleep… I close my eyes and she's there dying in my arms all over again. Please…"

"Jack. You tried to get Teal'c to kill you. I cannot in good conscience let you go home, hell Jack I should be putting you in a holding cell. But I won't, instead you will stay here tonight. I will send Doctor Warner in with something to help you sleep. It's the best I can do." I watched as he nodded, head still on his knees.

I slowly stood, cursing my age when getting up was more difficult that it had been a few years ago. Moving to the phone in the room, I dialled the doctor's office and ordered the necessary medication be administered then hung up. In that time, Jack had risen and ensconced himself under the blankets on the bed, still fully clothed. I stayed by the bedside through Doctor Warner's visit and waited until his eyes grew heavy.

"Goodnight Jack." I murmured then walked out of the room that would be his home for the next few days. I thought of Samantha, I knew that Major Carter contacted her every Tuesday which meant that Sam had missed her scheduled hook up. I sighed knowing that the task would fall on me to tell Samantha of the situation. Another job for tomorrow.