Author's Note: As an important note: this is set after The Final. I have the movie verse in mind when I wrote this.

Also, I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough about this, but the first FIVE CHAPTERS of this convoluted mess can be found at "a distant part of the sky"

I am so sorry. It feels like I have led you into some wild goose chase and I feel so embarrassed for my dumbassery but yes, for this to make sense, you'll have to go and read some of the chapters there.

An Unexpected Invitation

Kenshin barely slept after he ushered Kaoru inside her room, trying his best to not to think about Sano's proposal, hopeless that may be. The idea had already planted itself inside his mind. Too quickly, it had taken roots and if he closed his eyes, he could imagine it. Could so very clearly see her wearing a traditional wedding kimono, the loving, blissful expression on her face as they stared at each other; the ceremony wrapping itself around them. A protective layer, ensuring their lives, now forever entwined and blessed by the gods. Nothing on earth, no force of nature, no man, no government mission, war – or even death – could come between them.

And he could have asked Kaoru right there and then, as she sleepily blinked up at him, asking if he was alright. He assured her that he was fine, all the while, his mind stringing up the words that would remain unvoiced.

Let's get married today, Kaoru. Let me be your husband. I will take care of you the way I truly want to. I'll take your name. Let everyone know that I am yours. Let's erase Himura Kenshin. Let him die in the past so I can live with you without the ghosts of the Bakamatsu haunting us.

He was sure that she would have said 'yes'. Or perhaps he'd being a little too arrogant. So maybe, not an outright, breathless 'yes' but Kaoru would have at least seriously considered it; eyebrows thoughtfully coming together trying to understand his unexpected proposal.

Surely, she would not be so completely taken aback by it. She would have known that eventually, that was where they were heading. But the suddenness will definitely throw her off and Kenshin loathed the idea of scrambling to the registrar, finding someone who would officiate their marriage. The ceremony would feel rushed and perfunctory, devoid of any sweetness and joy. He hated that most of all.

That and the thought that she wouldn't even be able to enjoy it – all the romantic notions that she had held close to her heart; that would make her dreamily blush, her blue eyes lit up as she planned for her wedding. Picking her kimono, decorating their home for the reception, carefully choosing the food they will serve, making a list of the people she will invite (they'll probably have their first serious argument over that list) and bashfully sharing all those activities with Misao and Tae-dono.

A rushed wedding would have taken all of that away from her. He also wanted to watch her glow with the knowledge that she would soon become a wife – his wife – to bask in her excitement. He would have enjoyed every minute of it, the sweet agonizing wait until finally, finally, he could let himself claim her as his. He had selfish reasons, too.

This was the right thing to do, he reasoned with himself as he gently bade Kaoru goodnight. The timing wasn't just right; it went against how carefully and delicately they have walked this path towards the inevitable.

Slowly but surely. Delicately. None of those violent passions that had possessed him when he had first fallen in love. Look where that ended? No. Not again.

And while it's true that they have slowly prodded along – too slowly, even – there has been changes in their relationship and if it had not been so blatantly obvious before, Kaoru had definitely sensed it earlier – the way he had held on to her, how he had deliberately let his hands linger when he touched her. The way he had let the weight of his palm settle into the small of her back, with the tiniest bit of pressure that had never been there before. He could feel the warmth of her skin beneath the thin layer of her yukata and if he could feel that then he was certain that she had noticed the heat of his own hands, it's slight, almost embarrassing, dampness.

Would she have understood that it wasn't just because of the summer heat? That it was a telltale sign of his nervousness – not of their proximity – but the intensity of his desire? If he had dared to pull her any closer, she would have felt the thundering of his heart beneath his chest and then she would have definitely realized how she made him feel.

It had taken much of his willpower not to succumb to the desires of his heart and body. He had very nearly kissed her earlier, when he had woken her up from her nightmare. His fogged-up brain, slowed down by sake, mercilessly tempting him.

Go on. Just the corner of her mouth. And then you can wait for her to move her head, so you could finally capture her lips. That would not be taking advantage of her.

But kissing her was a world away from letting his hands and fingers caress her. Those were still relatively innocent touches. A kiss would be, not to soon – it was a long time coming, that it was – but it felt, again, ill timed.

Later, Kenshin decided, he'd try and then he would let her make the final move. But not like this, not when there would be the slightest bit of chance that she would think it was just the combination of sleep deprivation, sake and the rising summer temperature clouding his judgement.

He also refused to kiss her in a darkened corner of the dojo. He would do it in the reassuring brightness of the morning, when he would be able to see her face, the bright blush creeping up her skin, her eyes growing wide before fluttering close in sweet anticipation as she tilted her face up, lips slightly parted.

Yes, he had fantasized about that moment countless of times. Enough to have a repository of all her possible reactions. And he enjoyed going over them, wondering how right or wrong he would be when the dream finally becomes reality.

Kenshin let out a small sigh, letting his forehead touch the closed door of Kaoru's room. He stayed still for a moment, listening to the soft rustling sounds as she prepared for bed before shaking his head, angry at himself for allowing such improper behavior. He strode through the unlit hallway, passing by his own room, heading towards the engawa. It was still hot outside, no wind to cool him off, but he needed to put some distance between him and Kaoru and what felt like a gaping space opening up between – no thanks to the reappearance of Enishi and Saitou's nefarious plans.

Already Kenshin could taste the words inside his mouth, begging to be released: Do not even think about it, Kaoru-dono, please. Forget about everything else. This is where you belong.

She would listen. Of course. She always has, but then she would also ask, "Why?" and what answer could he give other than, "because I love you."

And that would have been unfair. It sounded like he was using it against her. Like a bargaining chip.

Don't go. Stay here. I know you feel it too – maybe not in the same frightening intensity as I do but it's there between us. It's real. And this thing with Enishi, this is nothing. I know you can't help it because you're too kind and brave and stubborn and maybe yes, you feel sorry for him. I do too. I understand. But this is his fight. Not ours. It has nothing to do with us. And if you go - let's not tempt fate, Kaoru-dono.

He could try to be logical but he couldn't argue that she was safer here, with him. It wasn't true. They both know that. Countless of times, she'd been threatened, taken and hurt. And always, he had not been able to stop it – had only managed to rescue her and at one point had even come too late. The broken desperation he had felt when he had woken up after being swallowed by the raging ocean, Shishio's taunting laughter still ringing inside his head, knowing that he had not been able to save her – it was a nightmare that he still endured.

He also couldn't argue that they have already done their fair share of helping the government and their people – because that never stops. Not for the likes of them. And Kenshin was certain that Kaoru would look at him differently if he told her that he was tired of risking the people he loved for the countless, nameless faces, for their government, for their country that clearly did not return the same devotion and loyalty that they have constantly laid down upon their feet.

Japan will move into whatever direction it wanted to take, unmindful of the bloody path that it will be treading on; never once looking back, always with eyes forward, into the future.

All the sacrifices they have made, all their blood and tears, broken bones and dreams – all so easily forgotten. Perhaps a hundred years from now, the acknowledgement will come, a gift to their great grandchildren. Pride and honor. Those were the only true reward for duty.

Kenshin felt his head dipping, his chin touching his chest, startled at the resentment he was feeling now. Maybe he was just tired. Today had been a long day. He felt drained. He was allowed to feel this way, wasn't he? All those years of fighting followed by the ten years of wandering, alone and lonely. It must have taken its toll and now with thoughts of finally wanting to settle down, of finally letting himself believe that he deserved happiness after everything that he had been through - surely, he couldn't be faulted for saying enough, I'm done. I'm tired. No more. I want to live a long and quiet life with Kaoru. And - and maybe, if the gods allowed it, a home filled with laughing children. Sons and daughters with bright blue eyes and their mother's smile.

But it would never happen. Not when duty calls. There would be countless other villains who would threaten this fragile thing called peace. Intervention would always be needed and not always in the legal way, which would take too long, bogged down by bureaucracy, but with quick, defiant force.

He would be called up again to serve and save.

Even if you die, it doesn't mean that the people you've killed will come back to life. Instead, I believe that using this sword to save just one more soul is repentance in its true sense. 'Battousai, the Manslayer' is living in the Meiji Era, that is.

His own words echoed inside his head and Kenshin winced.

There was no escape. Duty would always call. Could he turn his back on that? Yes. Now, yes. Maybe. But would he feel the same way the days, months and years after? Would his resolve keep? Kaoru had tried once to dissuade him, but he hadn't listened.

But that was different. Makoto was your own doing. You had to do. This is different. YOU weren't asked. It isn't you being called upon. It's Kaoru. And it's entirely up to her. Not you.

So, what other reason to make her stay? To not make her want to not care? To make her not be herself – because that was who she was – at her very core. It was what had drawn her to him in the first place. It mirrored his own self-sacrificing courage. He had seen himself in her but without the bitterness of his past and everything that he had lost. He wanted desperately to protect that. To cherish it.

And now, what connected them, what held them together, what he absolutely loved about her – it was also the very same thing that could tear them apart.

He had let Kaoru sleep until midday. Something that was virtually unheard of in the dojo. They were both early risers and would often find themselves sitting by the engawa, enjoying the quietness as they waited for the sun to rise.

The hour of the hare wasn't the time for talking. There was something incredibly intimate sharing that moment with her, watching and waiting for the new day to begin. He loved the way she would still drowsily tilt her face up, close her eyes, a small smile playing on her lips or a frown – depending on what she was planning for the day. He learned that she dreaded going to the market because those were the days when her shoulders would slump a little and he knew it was because she worried about the current state of their finances.

He had tried to help, he had money to spare – the government had given him some, not enough to compensate for all the grief it had caused him and the deterioration of his body but at least it was something. He hadn't even considered demanding more, after all he had done their biddings for any reward. It wasn't about that. But maybe it should have been.

Either way, he had saved enough money to alleviate some of Kaoru's financial troubles but she was stubborn and filled with pride, vehemently shaking her head and telling him she had everything under control.

Her dojo, her problem.

Kenshin had backed down. He dreaded wounding her independent nature. He has already, in more ways than one, held her back – he was aware of this. Painfully, so. A part of him knew that Kaoru would have a much better life if he had continued wandering. So many opportunities for a capable young woman like her in this modern era. Him being here had certainly caused enough chaos to dimmish whatever bright future she could have had if he hadn't stumbled upon her all those nights ago.

The other part of him was just too selfish to let her go. She's like a bird. There was no cage, of course, she was still free to spread her wings and fly. But only at a safe distance.

Fool. That is not the nature of a bird.

Kenshin couldn't help letting out a sigh that was part irritation and sadness. He really should not be lying to himself.

Fine. Not a bird then. A koinobori. There. At least that was honest enough. He had a string wrapped around her, so he could gently pull her back if she ever flew too far from him.

The image did nothing to make him feel any better. He vigorously rubbed his face with the heel of hand. Now that he had decided to take his relationship with Kaoru into the next step, he had to look at what they have so far with unflinching honesty. How else could they move forward if he didn't acknowledge the things that needed to change?

Because everything between them have been tentative, they had hidden parts of themselves. He was acquainted with Kaoru, the young, fiercely loyal friend. But Kaoru as a woman and lover will certainly be different. Boundaries will be crossed and with that, trust needed to be rebuilt.

No relationship would ever be perfect. There would always be flaws – but if he won't allow himself to recognize those, then they'll be stuck with what they have now. A companiable friendship, living together and sharing just parts of their lives. Haunted by the forever, distant – therefore safe – thrill of what if.

Of course, if he had followed Sano's advice – not the first time this had crossed his mind – and had asked her to marry him earlier, all those what ifs would be answered. By this hour, they would have been husband and wife. They would have to share everything whether they were ready for it or not. It would be a duty to do so.

His money. Her dojo. His paralyzing nightmares. Her name. His anger and regrets. Her fears and insecurity. Her losses. Their heartbreaks.

Kenshin knew that he had made the right decision of not asking her. Someday, he would tell her this story and she would roll her eyes and smack him in the head for even considering (he would not say just how much) Sano's preposterous idea.

As if she would ever allow him to drag her into a rushed wedding ceremony. Kenshin, you idiot.

He smirked at the thought. That I am Kaoru-dono, that I am.

Kenshin had just finished cooking their lunch (charcoal roasted fish with dark, salt-bitter vinegar-sweet sauce) and was preparing the table when Kaoru walked in. He stopped to greet her and was startled to sense a difference in her usually warm, soothing ki. He could still feel the same familiar warmth and there was nothing about her energy that alarmed him – perhaps now he could sense just more of it? He could not say exactly what was different but she looked better. Rested. The tiredness in her eyes from last night was gone and she was smiling at him in greeting.

She sounded just a little bit little sheepish as she acknowledged that she had overslept.

"Not your fault, Kaoru-dono." He assured her, watching in amusement as she vigorously nodded her head in agreement, lightly reprimanding him for letting her sleep too late. Sternly mumbling after a minute that he was lucky she didn't have any classes today or else she would have strangled him or shaken his head until he passed out. All normal Kaoru talk, but it was the way she stood, her back straight, her shoulder a determined line that indicated a serious talk between them was in order.

"You needed to get some rest, Kaoru-dono." He answered with a shrug, immensely glad that there wasn't any awkwardness between them.

"I know. Thank you." Kaoru tilted her head, a concerned frown grazing her features.

Kenshin wince, knowing how obvious it was that he hadn't gotten the same kind of rest. Kaoru tsked loudly but didn't make any further comment, probably aware that he would only insist that he was more than alright, already used to shortened hours of sleep, really.

She let it go this time, but not without giving him a pointed glare as she sat down. It took a whole second for her mood to shift, as she took in the lunch Kenshin had prepared. She raised an inquiring eyebrow at the two sets of plates and chopsticks. "Just us?"

Kenshin nodded, explaining that he had asked Yahiko to check on possibly still hungover Sanosuke. A flimsy excuse to get Yahiko out of the dojo, but one that they all appreciated (well, except for Yahiko and Sano, maybe).

"Poor -" Kaoru made a face, undecided. "Poor both of them." She finally said, grinning at Kenshin.

He couldn't help but chuckle at that. Kenshin took a deep breath, all the nervous tension inside his body suddenly whooshing out of it. He felt relieved. The fact that they seemed to have gotten to the same conclusion of what needed to be done today made everything feel better.

They were both ready. But first, a good hearty meal. Serious talks about matters of the heart should never be done in an empty stomach.

And it always did fill him with joy and a deep sense of accomplishment knowing that he was able to take care of Kaoru this way. He'll never get tired of doing this for her. He enjoyed doing all of the household chores but it was cooking their meals that he looked forward to the most. It allowed him to see Kaoru enjoying the food that he had prepared for her; that look of delight every time she savored all the flavors that he had meticulously created in the kitchen. The way she appreciated even the simplest of food made him truly smile.

He gladly gave Kaoru a second and even a third serving when she requested for more, shaking his head when Kaoru complained that she'll quickly gain weight if he kept cooking such tasty meals. Kenshin didn't mind, really and it wasn't like she wouldn't burn all of those calories every time she trained or taught at the dojo.

"Liar." She answered lightly, patting her stomach. She looked content and sated and when Kenshin offered to refill their teas, she nodded, biting her lips.

"Shall we have it by the tokonoma? It will be too hot outside, that it will." Kenshin suggested as he cleared the table. He had picked a few blue-purple ajisai earlier and while his skills in flower arranging wasn't spectacular, he had thought of Kaoru's eyes when he had placed the humble bouquet in Kaoru's favorite vase. He knew she would notice it and would understand that it was for her.

And more importantly, the space provided for some privacy.

So no one will walk in on us. No unwanted visitors today, Kaoru-dono. It's just us.

Kaoru seemed to have read his mind, her face turning serious. "Yes, I'd like that Kenshin."

Over tea, he told her everything that Saitou had said. He did not try to make light of the situation, nor did he try to protect her by withholding any information. He used the same terms that Saitou did. There was no censorship. He spoke to her as though he was a soldier giving out a report to his superior. Nothing was held back. She needed to hear the truth and so he laid it all down, because he owed her that and she has to know that it wasn't just about trust, but about treating her as his equal.

He couldn't help it though, when he was unable to keep his voice low and calm. His resentment and frustration coated his words, the clipped way he recounted his conversation with Saitou. It had greatly upset him and he wanted to let her know just how much it made him feel. She didn't say anything, but she acknowledged his fury, reaching out to briefly hold his hand, squeezing gently. He squeezed back, meeting her eyes.

When he was finished, they both looked away from each other, the intensity of that moment, the unflinching honesty – something new between them – was just a little too much. He found himself staring at his emptied cup of tea, wondering how Kaoru was taking everything it. When he finally could not stand the silence anymore, he lifted his eyes to watch her gazing at him, her frown deepening when he finally explained Saitou's reasons and motivations.

"Insurance." Kaoru repeated the word, her eyes flicking up to him. "You mean, as a way to control you?"

Kenshin shook his head. "If something were to happen to you in Shanghai, whoever is at fault, Saitou knows that I can and will - hasten this coming war." Kaoru opened her mouth to protest, but they both know it was true. He would not stand idly by if she were hurt – or worst. He wouldn't kill, of course, but blood will shed. And nothing instigates a war better than spilling someone's blood.

"Because it will come, Kaoru-dono, this war." He continued without missing a beat. "Whether or not Enishi does what the government is asking him, it's already set in motion. The weapons that Saitou is trying to retrieve, the traitors that he wants exposed – those are just a small part of an even bigger crisis. Weapons will still be acquired one way or another. There are plenty of disenfranchised citizens willing to become defectors and collaborators to our enemies. It will never stop. It will always be there. A hundred years from now, it will still be the same story. It's – " Kenshin swallowed hard, hating himself for giving her such harsh, hard truths that will completely tarnish the ways she sees life, but she had to understand. "It's all human nature, Kaoru-dono. Greed. Power. Hatred. It cannot be expunged. It's impossible."

He expected a long, thoughtful pass, but there was no hesitation on her part when she gave a matter-of-fact response. "But lives can still be saved."

Kenshin acutely felt the dryness of his throat. "Hai."

Kaoru looked flustered. "Then, I – how can I – how do you expect me to –" her hands had gone up between them, making strange, jerky movements in the air, as though words weren't enough to explain her answer.

He must have made a sound: a low growl, a tired sigh. A combination of both? Because Kaoru suddenly stopped, letting her arms fall to her side. Suddenly aware that she was saying the very thing that he dreaded the most and so, smartly – almost cruelly – she changed her tactics.

She leaned forward, bravely meeting his stare. "You said it yourself, Kenshin. You told Saitou that you'll go in my place. You'll go to Shanghai with Enishi."

Kenshin bit back a groan. No point denying that. "I did. I would do it, too. In a heartbeat."

Blue eyes glittering, Kaoru pinned him with her unflinching gaze. "And how do you think that will make me feel?"

Kenshin shook his head. He walked in on this corner. Why had he not seen this coming?! There has to be a way to get out. But how? "It's different." He managed weakly.

Kaoru angrily huffed, crossing her arms against her chest. "It's not! How could you say that?!"

Well, he could turn the table on her, right? That could work. His eyes must have flashed, the dangerous glint that would so often turn his opponents into nervous wrecks, because Kaoru briefly cringed, realizing what was about to come. "Will you let me leave for Shanghai, then? If I could go in your place."

She bit her lips, shook head, deftly avoiding answering his question. "You already said that you couldn't."

"But if I could – if I could convince Saitou and make him change his mind – would you?"

Kaoru rolled her eyes. "You know how Saitou is once he had made up his mind."

But Kenshin stared at her, his stony silence filling the up the space between, until she had no choice but to answer him. First, she pouted, then she sent him her familiar death glare, he watched she flexed her wrists, her hands clenched into tiny fists. Finally with a great sigh, she angrily muttered. "Not without me."

Kenshin could not help snorting out loud. "Round and round. Going nowhere." How did he ever convinced himself that this conversation would go differently? No matter how he started it, no matter how he framed it, this was the end result. He should have known better. Dammit. Would it be too late now to actually ask Kaoru to marry him?

As though reading his mind, Kaoru's glare intensified. She added an arched eyebrow that made her look tougher than usual, less vulnerable. An expression she had clearly learned from Megumi. "Would I try to talk you out of it? Is that what you're asking?"

Kenshin could feel the beginnings of a throbbing headache at the back of his eyes. Sake and lack of sleep and Saitou and Enishi and yes, even Kaoru, all conspiring to make him feel old and weary. He didn't have to answer that. They both know what he will say. He had said the same thing all those months ago when Kaoru had asked him not to go to Kyoto to fight Shisho Makoto.

But today, of all days, Kaoru decided to be merciless. He'd never seen this side of her and it felt ironic that he had brought it out of her. "Say it, Kenshin." Kaoru ordered in a low, almost hissing, voice. "Ask it."

Kenshin briefly closed his eyes. He took a deep breath. Could he actually do it? He reached out, enveloping Kaoru's hand inside his, gripping it tightly, his eyes never leaving her face – which had turned into the color of rice paper, pale and terrified but so, so very determined. "Don't go, Kaoru-dono. I don't want you to go."

Trembling, blinking back tears, Kaoru sadly shook her head. "I can't. I -" and then as consolation, probably, as a balm to the wound that she was about to inflict, she pulled him towards her, both of them latching on to each other as though they were both drowning. "We have to go."

We.

Kenshin had that at the very least. That was something – a compromise – that Kaoru had offered. Not something that he had demanded from her and maybe, that tipped the balance of their relationship. Maybe it didn't change anything at all. It still somehow feel that they were back to square one.

Enishi and Saitou won this round and Kenshin felt that this was only the beginning, that this fight was different – that more was at stake. So, so much more.

END NOTE: EEEEP!

I'm back. Happy New year and thank you for reading!

And well. Yes. They will have to go to Shanghai. I mean, that was the whole point of my crazy-assed story.

I think I wanted Kenshin just a little bit disillusioned with being a hero the same time Enishi is suddenly being asked to be one (sort of) so that probably makes Kenshin severely OOC here but eh, I don't know. I'm just as surprised as how this chapter went. Honestly, this definitely was not how I initially planned it to be. The plot is coming along, slowly but hopefully I'll be able to write more. I want to have like a weekly schedule to update, like having a deadline and I wonder if that'll force me to actually write instead of daydreaming about scenes. I'll try my very best to keep a schedule.

Anyway, please feel free to let you know what you think. I love hearing from you and talking about stuff, even if it has nothing to do with the story.

Notes and Translations:

Even if you die, it doesn't mean that the people you've killed will come back to life. Instead, I believe that using this sword to save just one more soul is repentance in its true sense. 'Battousai, the Manslayer' is living in the Meiji Era, that is. – Kenshin, Rurouni Kenshin issue 49

Hour of the Hare – 5am to 7am

Tokonoma – a recessed space in a Japanese-style reception room, in which items for artistic appreciation are displayed. In English, a tokonoma could be called an alcove.

Ajisai – hydrangea

Koinobori - (carp kite). A carp is a fish, and the ''koinobori'' kite represents a colorful, ornamental freshwater carp called a koi. The flag is shaped like a fish with its open mouth attached to a pole and its tail fluttering free in the wind. The koi is revered in Japanese culture, where it's regarded as a symbol of strength, energy, and courage